Yeah. Teens are stressful. No doubt. My first was the most stressful by far so far. But the youngest is only 14 so we'll see. You are not alone. Apparently no one can see the dirty dishes or knee high grass but me. And I hate to have to ask for these common things to be done. But I have to so I do. And I tell myself "4 more years and I'll be doing it all anyway. So they can help now. " :)
Belated thanks to SpinningJW--I tried to find the book you mentioned at my local library, but no such luck. I will definitely find and read it, though. I haven't said "not my problem" to my kid, per se, but I have called him on misplacing his frustration with himself on me (as in, "you don't have your phone because you didn't turn in your assignments on time and blew your grades. I told you that would be the consequence, so if you're angry, it has to be at yourself, not me."). So far he's been rational and taken it pretty well, so I should be thankful for small blessings, right?
I am sorry to read about your divorce situation. I faced mine after nearly 20 years with my ex. It's really hard when the person you counted on most to be in your corner...isn't. Whatever goes on between parents, though, you're right to hold your 13-yr-old accountable for what he needs to do. We are raising men in training. It's a bummer that dad isn't necessarily around as much as if his parents were together, but a lot of kids around the world have it much worse. It's tough as a single mom walking that line between feeling guilty inside but knowing we can't coddle our kids just because our marriage didn't work out.
I figure, I'm not the first and I won't be the last to face this. I just have to do the best I can to make my boy grow into a man he (and I) can be proud of. Thank you for your kind words. I wish you all the best.
Fitness Minutes: (18,310) Posts: 883 4/27/14 9:39 P
GIMMESPARK have you heard of Parenting with Love and Logic? There is the regular book, then there is Parenting Teens with Love and Logic. That book had some pretty good ideas for getting teens to do what they are supposed to do. One phrase the authors encourage parents to use is "Not my problem." I haven't read the book in awhile (probably when my 22 yr old was a teen) but I should go back and read it again, as my 13 yr old is not pulling his weight right now. I have been too easy on him with my divorce situation.
You are so not alone...I have 4 great kids...but getting them to help out because its the right thing for them to do is just not happening. I have to yell and yell or take away phones or ipods etc... I did find that if they are obsessed with their phones if I simply text a request I get a much better response...hang in there the insanity they cause is only temporary.
Of my 4 I have 2 who are getting over it as they are now college age...and 2 who are still high school one is getting better one is getting mouthier...this too shall pass...I keep reminding myself that it always gets worse just before it gets better...
September Minutes: 438
Fitness Minutes: (8,563) Posts: 110 4/27/14 12:19 P
Welcome to adolescence! Ignore the eye rolling and the sighing. It is normal. I raised 3 teenagers and lived to tell about it. So did they. LOL
My suggestions - 1. Be firm, but loving with boundaries and consequences. 2. Spend some time with him doing something he enjoys doing. Even if you are terrible at it - i.e. video games, shooting hoops. 3. Enforce consequences when he does not comply. 4. Don't forget positive reinforcement.
I can't be the only one out there with an otherwise great kid--I acknowledge this--who's suffering from teenagitis and making me crazier than I already am. So many message boards about "taking time for me," etc., etc. tell me I'm not alone.
My son is going through a stage where asking (telling) him to do anything generates "The Face," accompanied by "The Sigh," with incredibly slow reaction otherwise. And I have to initiate his every movement because it wouldn't occur to him to do ANYTHING around the house otherwise. I'm sure I don't have to describe for you the things I've done so far this weekend. I just will not do his chores just to get them done; I feel that sends the absolutely wrong message.
I'm trying not to feel like a cliche from a bad sitcom: Nagging, old, fat mother.
I'm trying not to expend valuable energy on getting him through the day. Normally, I'd leave the house and go for a long walk, but today I have a work deadline so I'm stuck here at my desk.
I'm not feeling sparky so far today and I'm mad at myself for letting this nonsense get to me.
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