Posts: 10,255
1/15/12 2:11 P

That is a fantastic idea! Small things make a huge difference!

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1/15/12 6:45 A

What about making something he does like, but on the healthy side. Do a recipe-makeover of sorts. Instead of ALL ground turkey use half beef or use the leanest ground beef you can find. If he doesn't ask, don't let him know exactly whats in it.

Just continue to be an example, prayerfully he will see the healthy side of things

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1/14/12 3:01 P

Glad to hear that you and your husband have identified the spices that don't work for him. There have been some great suggestions - I hope you can continue to find recipes that work for both of you!

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1/12/12 3:49 P

Your resolve is to be applauded! You need to do what is necessary for yourself. You can set an example, share your concerns, but you cannot, as you well know, change another. I truly understand your frustration. It is difficult to watch someone you care about destroy their chances for a better quality life. My significant other is the same. He has health related problems which a few simple changes would resolve. He refuses, and all I can do is what I know is best for me. He is doing a bit better and I try to encourage him for that. It is so heartbreaking at times.
Take care of you. Many face similar situations.
I invite you to visit my page anytime you become too overwhelmed and need a friend.

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1/12/12 3:39 P

dh had a heart attack at age 52. He quit smoking and gained 50 lbs on junk.

I have tried and tried to get him to eat good ... read ... good and healthy, to no avail.

He would rather eat frozen dinners, so that is what I buy him.
I eat my meals, he eats junk, but I do NOT cook a second meal anytime.

BTW, we have been married for 29 years, he would not go to a therapist,
and he will not change his ways. So, be it!

Edited by: EMILYD1952 at: 1/12/2012 (15:49)

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Posts: 10,255
1/12/12 11:29 A

I am glad you and your husband are communicating about the issues. Hopefully you can find alternate herbs (or none) that will work for both of you. I know that I will often experiment with the herbs especially when there are some I either don't like, or won't agree with my system.
Continued good luck and keep on talking.

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1/12/12 9:59 A

We've gotten part of if figured out.....picky hubby also doesn't like thyme, marjoram, and basil.

So, we'll adjust the spices.

baby steps.

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1/8/12 11:48 P

It appears you are beginning to work out some of your initial challenges. I am glad things are working better.

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1/8/12 7:00 P

I've spent my family life cooking different for different folk. And I still do it, to some extent, even though there's only DH and me in the house now.
There were always some stuff that would be in meals for all of us - so, the cooking of different things for different meals did nt really apply.
And i was much happier doing the cooking, knowing that what I was making was what DH and/or the 2 boys were wanting to eat.

And I'm still doing this, to some extent, even though it's just DH and me in the house now.
It means I have no problems allowing for things that I enjoy, as well as things that DH enjoys.

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1/8/12 3:09 P

There really are some good comments in this thread, glad you got some help. My words are more a cautionary tale - I ate very well/healthy pre-marriage, and was very strong and fit - got together with my now ex-husband and gradually adopted all of his eating habits (including portion size). 10 years later, after a disastrous divorce, I was fat. And, 4 years post-divorce, I am still fat. I will never eat wrong again just to satisfy someone else. I agree with the folks suggesting that you cook the best you can, and he can choose to take it or leave it. You sound like you are putting a great deal of effort into making compromises and he is not. And you say you are battling pre-diabetes. I have to support your health-conscious eating and I want to strongly encourage you to put your health first. He'll eat. You cannot change him necessarily, you can only set an example for him to follow. Best of luck to you with this - do share what happens next for you!

(This kinda triggered some old anger for me, sorry if I was too blunt! I tried for so long to maintain my good eating habits, then let them go, and find I am now left to do the work of cleaning this mess up, and am mad at myself.)

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1/8/12 12:40 P

Thank-you everyone!!! (((((hugs))))) to all of you!

You've all given me ideas to try to make this new lifestyle do-able and find compromise and peace.

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1/8/12 11:40 A

I've seen some good advice on here, can't think of any wisdom to add except please don't give up!

You're doing the right things, cooking, posting and being active on Spark, your husband needs to accept that but making him do that is beyond your control. Hang in there, persist and good luck.

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1/8/12 11:33 A

i know this will sound bad,but about all you can do is take care of yourself and let him go to macdonalds. keep his life insurance paid up. i do not know when it became the wifes duty to make sure a grown man would eat right anyway. not much you can do to make someone else eat the way he should,its enough to try to fix your own eating problems.

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1/8/12 9:49 A

This is a very difficult issue and no simple solution. Someone said part of the problem is that he know's what he's being served. I am reminded of my father who always threw a fit if he thought my mom was serving a diet meal, that's a hard thing to deal with. Now my husband also came from a background where his mother used no seasonings other than salt and pepper my background was very seasoned! I served a lot of "what's this" meals let me tell you! I think introducing new flavors is something that has to be done very gradually for some people and yes preparing some recipes in a two stage with the pre seasoned portion going to your husband may be part of the solution. I do look at the recipes with an eye to the flavors that we like, my husband also doesn't care for marinated or fruit sauced things, but when you read the recipes, look at them as suggestions...main ingredient chicken breast or pork tenderloin? there's your lean protein, cooking techniques used, seasoning...ok don't like cilantro....parsley is a reasonable less strong taste alternative...if your husband needs high carb serve the lean protein with more carbs for him...ie. served on pasta. I'm sorry I guess this isn't probably helping much but I can say I have only made a few of the recipes in the book exactly as they are presented making adjustments for our own tastes and hopefully you can do that....I suggest not stressing the diet aspect to your spouse as that in itself is part of what makes him bucky. Good luck.

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1/8/12 9:09 A

What we do is - I pick out recipes I think are good for me that he might like, then I let him pick which ones we add to our weekly menu plan. If he likes them, they go into our 'keep' file, and if he doesn't I go on to the next recipe.

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1/8/12 8:27 A

You are focused on your health, so it is important to make the changes necessary for your good health. So whatever you chose to do about your DH with a limited pallet, keep your nutritional needs at the forefront.

One suggestion I have, that may work for any number of the recipes is add the 'exotic' ingredients last. I am very allergic to all of the nightshade family, tomatoes, potatoes, eggplants and peppers. They are delicious and healthy for most people. Instead of making my DH do without, I prepare our food, take my serving out early, then add the things I can't eat.

Even though your food would not have some of the herbs cooked in with them for a long time, you could add them after removing your DH's portion. You wouldn't be making two meals (and I would draw the line there - my motto is cook for yourself if you don't like the menu) and your DH might slowly learn to enjoy the new foods you are trying. Too much change too fast is hard on some people.

Wishing you the best of luck!

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1/7/12 11:20 P

WOW GIRL, YOU'VE GOT A STUBBORN MAN AND I KNOW HE IS NOT CHANGING AND AFTER 26 YEARS YOU KNOW IT,TOO. AFTER 17 YEARS OF MARRIAGE I KNOW IT, TOO. OKAY, SO THAT MEANS YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING SO YOU CAN BE SUCCESSFUL. I AM WONDERING IF YOUR STUBBORN MAN WILL EVEN AGREE WITH COOKING SOMETHING HIMSELF, OR GO TO A NUTRITIONIST. NOW, YOU CAN GO TO ONE AND SEE WHAT THEY MIGHT COME UP WITH...THAT MIGHT HELP YOU. I GUESS YOU WILL NEED TO FIND SOMETHING HE LIKES THAT YOU CAN UTILIZE...CHECK THE RECIPES OUT ON SPARKS...AND ASK HIM TO GO THROUGH THE COOKBOOK, OR OTHER HEALTHY COOKBOOKS, AND CHECK OUT WHAT HE THINKS HE WOULD LIKE. DOES HE EAT CHICKEN? PORK? IF YOU BUY SIRLOIN (OR LAURAS BEEF) YOU CAN COOK LOW FAT. YOU CAN DO TRICKS, TOO, LIKE RINSING GROUND BEEF UNDER HOT WATER AFTER YOU BROWNED AND DRAINED IT! HE WON'T KNOW THAT...I ALSO AGREE, PART OF THE ISSUE IS HE KNOWS WHAT HE IS BEING SERVED, AND THAT IS WHAT MAKES HIM REACT PSYCHOLOGICALLY, MORE THAN TASTE! I REALLY BELIEVE YOU CAN STILL DO THIS, BUT, SORRY TO SAY, IT IS UP TO YOU.
GOOD LUCK!

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1/7/12 10:52 P

Another option in our house is...have him cook a dinner which appeals to his own tastes! That way you can make a simple salad or prepare something easy and healthy that goes along with your diet...That's a good compromise, I think.

Just my opinion!

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1/7/12 10:41 P

I am so sorry your husband doesn't support you in your healthy journey. I wish there was something I could say to help. I can give cyber hugs though

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1/7/12 10:04 P

I have to go with Chris, in our house it's eat what you are served or go without.

Some people WILL NOT change their diets even when faced with heath problems. I really don't know what you would be able to do to change your husbands eating patterns. If it is you that needs to change I'd say go ahead and if he joins in all well and good. I'm sorry it's not much of an answer for you..

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1/7/12 9:53 P

This is an issue that many women have with significant others and children. I agree with going together to a nutritionist, maybe even starting with your family doctor. Otherwise, a marriage counselor. You need support and he needs to make changes before his trips to McDonald's start causing him health problems.

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1/7/12 9:28 P

I'm wondering if you both need to see a nutritionist who can help you to work on a menu plan that would work for both of you. if your doctor says you need it your health insurance would probably cover it.

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1/7/12 9:04 P

I'd say this is dinner, take it or leave it, just me. Sure doesn't sound very supportive.
Have you tried leaving it out and asking him to pick something out?

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1/7/12 8:51 P

I've made at least 10 recipes and my picky husband hasn't liked any of them yet!

He won't eat fruit or fruit juices with/on meat. He won't eat nuts with meat. He hates rosemary, basil, thyme, tarragon, and cilantro. He won't eat ground turkey (if I try to pass it off or mix it with ground beef, he gets up from the table in a huff and drives to McDonalds). I don't dare do tofu (plus I can't have soy because of my hypothyroidism), I don't know what he'd do!

We've been married 26 years so I know I have a huge job in changing his taste buds plus his mom was/is a beef and potato cook before I cooked all his meals. I'm willing to change to prevent my pre-diabetes from progressing.

I have a sneaking suspicion that if he were served some of these meals I've made at a fancy restaurant where the meal cost $40+/plate, he'd think they were exotic and good. grrrrrrrr.

I REFUSE to cook 2 different meals for supper like I do when he comes home for lunch every day so I can have my salad with lean meat while he has his high carb meal for his hypoglycemia.


Any tips or ideas, esp. from the males on this team would be appreciated.

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