I understand what you mean. I like to think I remember to appreciate my husband, but I tend to forget to let him know that I appreciate him. Of course I don't stop and say to myself "I appreciate him" on a daily basis. On the other hand, I think it's easy to feel unappreciated. You just gave a good reminder to flip that feeling around and make sure I let him know how much I appreciate all he does!
And by the way, my husband was one of those "atypical" men that was involved with the wedding planning too. This was my first marriage, his second, but his first was a courthouse wedding. He was as excited about it as I was. Some tasks we divided (he didn't care so much about flowers, I trusted him to find a decent DJ and pick music), and some we did together. I agree - made it feel much more like OUR wedding instead of MY wedding.
I'm starting to get into some hard-core wedding planning.
Got the dress last weekend, which was an unusual experience. I've done this before. But this is the first time I brought a guy with me. And not just any guy. My FI. I had seen the dress the weekend before, but it was going to need some alterations and I wanted to meet with the seamstress before I made the decision to buy it. My mother and one of my girlfriends were going to come along and weigh in before I bought it (assuming that what I wanted done to it could be done). Well, after they both had to bail, I figured I'd just go by myself. Then FI said "I'll go with you." What? I responded, "No, that's okay. I can go by myself," figuring he was just being nice and thinking I was bummed that I got bailed on. He quickly said, "no, really, I'll go with you." Ummm.... "Do you really WANT to go?" I asked. "Well, kind of. I've never done this before (side note, his last wedding was a trip to the courthouse) so it would be kind of interesting." I think my jaw must have hung open for about 5 minutes thinking "what guy would think a trip to a bridal salon would be interesting?" Then I realized that, much like myself, he thinks everything is interesting, or at least has the potential to be.
I did have a bit (okay, a lot) of hesitation because I'm a bit superstitious and I really, really didn't want him seeing the dress before the wedding. But, as he so eloquently pointed out "did G (the ex) see your dress before the wedding?" "No." "Well, guess it didn't make any difference then, did it?" I had to admit, he had a point.
That's not the only wedding-related thing he has (willingly and uncomplainingly, if that's a word) participated in. The weekend before I did a test cake - yes, I am planning to make my own wedding cake, God help me. Of course he was excited about cake in general, but we had a lot of fun doing the frosting together and just chatting about the cake, the wedding, etc. Seriously, he looked like he was really enjoying himself trying to figure out how to support the different layers when we get that far (this one was only a small one to test the batter and frosting recipes I found).
I have an aversion to using paper plates and plastic stemware for the wedding even though it's in our backyard, so I'm in the process of scouring thrift shops for cool dishes, etc. So far, we've gone to one (together) and he came up with a list of places we'd have to go look for more.
I have gotten a couple of eye rolls, usually when I'm talking about one of the more superstitious traditions, like not being able to see each other the night before the wedding, but for the most part he hasn't only been supportive, he's actually been right there with me helping and giving opinions. I sent him an email earlier that it was great that we were doing some of this stuff together, it made it feel less like "my wedding" rather than "ours" which often happens. He said, "well it is OUR wedding and I like doing stuff together." I wrote back that it's unusual for a guy to be so involved but that I really appreciate it and didn't want him to think I was taking it for granted.
We spend so much time taking care of the boys and dealing with their mother and sometimes bickering about both that I worry about taking the other stuff (like our ability to work together so well) for granted. Today is one of those days that I really feel like we're a team. I need to have more of these days.
Anyone else in the same boat? Do you sometimes have to remind yourself to appreciate your partner? I know he feels like he doesn't tell me enough that he appreciates what I do for him and they boys but I think there's just as much (if not more) danger of me falling into that trap. It's easy to think "look at all I'm doing for him and his kids" and overlook all that he does for me.
Edited by: ANNIE7205 at: 9/14/2011 (15:08)
Lots of people talk to animals.... Not very many listen, though.... That's the problem. - Benjamin Hoff, The Tao of Pooh
“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but, remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.” Epicurus, philosopher
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