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2JENNY2's Photo 2JENNY2 Posts: 1,082
9/24/07 2:23 P

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Again, I think it's the hardest thing you'll EVER have to do. I hid/covered up so many of my emotions and feelings with my ED - it was amazing. My therapist would ask me how I'm feeling and I couldn't tell her because, after never allowing myself to "feel" I had NO IDEA what emotions felt like. It's taken me a while to be able to put a name on them and allow myself to feel them - REALLY feel them.
Keep your chin up, Sweetie! If you can get through this, you can do ANYTHING in this life!
Hugs, Jenn

The effect of life in society is to complicate our existence, making us forget who we really are by causing us to become obsessed with what we are not. Chuang-tzu
Life is a Journey, Not a Destination


 current weight: 149.6 
 
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MYOWNME's Photo MYOWNME Posts: 34
9/24/07 10:26 A

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Thank you for the supportive comment, I am feeling a bit better today, still frustrated, but better.
It is scary, facing life and reality without the ED is scary, it seems as if the ED was "covering up" so many other things in my life, all sorts of bad choices that I made and feelings that were bared deep inside me, now, a month into my recovery I am forced to face the reality of my life as all that was superset and denied is resurfacing, I am left to deal with my self , the things that I went through that got me to this point, all the feelings I couldn't deal with at the time, all my demons.
I have no choice but to hang in there and pray that the light at the end of this tunnel will appear, counting the days, the hours, trying to stay focused and not to hate my self the way I did.
I never realized before how long a single day can be, how it can feel almost like a lifetime.
So it truly is one day at a time.


Choose life!


 
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2JENNY2's Photo 2JENNY2 Posts: 1,082
9/24/07 1:12 A

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Just hang on, it's pretty bad in the beginning but it DOES get easier. You just have to hang on. And be gentle with yourself. Everything is going to feel scary and gross but you are the only one who can do what you need to do for YOU. I'm not going to say you shouldn't be scared, because it IS scary. It's one of the scariest things I've ever done. Yes, you CAN lose weight the normal way. Yes, you are retaining water and that's probably all it is. Yes, you should stay away from the scale at this point. Yes, you should focus on healthy eating. Above all be GENTLE with yourself and give yourself the time you need to get your body, and mind, back into the "normal" range.
Take good care,
Jenn

The effect of life in society is to complicate our existence, making us forget who we really are by causing us to become obsessed with what we are not. Chuang-tzu
Life is a Journey, Not a Destination


 current weight: 149.6 
 
150
141.25
132.5
123.75
115
MYOWNME's Photo MYOWNME Posts: 34
9/23/07 11:40 A

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I am having a really bad day today so I gust need to get this of my chest
I had a binge over the weekend, and I am about to have my period, today I gust couldnít help myself and stepped on the scale, I know I shouldnít have done that because I am pretty blotted right now, but I did, and it shows that I am 5lbs more than last week.
I keep telling myself that itís gust the PMS water retention but I gust feel so grouse and bad, gust fighting myself not to purge or stop eating.
Itís amazing how much time it is taking my body to go back to normal, and itís so hard to be patient about it while the thought that I need to loose 16lbs is constantly on my mind.
I am afraid that I will gain, I am afraid of being fat, I am afraid of not being able to loose these 15lbs the healthy way, I am afraid that despite me doing everything right itíll still go wrong.
I have so much guilt and fear inside now that I gust donít know how to deal with it.
It feels as if I donít even know who I am anymore, I donít know who I am without the ED, and I am so scared of the person I see in the mirror, so scared about life, everything gust seems so impossible right now.
Hope this will pass soon.


Choose life!


 
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