I am having a really bad day today so I gust need to get this of my chest
I had a binge over the weekend, and I am about to have my period, today I gust couldnít help myself and stepped on the scale, I know I shouldnít have done that because I am pretty blotted right now, but I did, and it shows that I am 5lbs more than last week.
I keep telling myself that itís gust the PMS water retention but I gust feel so grouse and bad, gust fighting myself not to purge or stop eating.
Itís amazing how much time it is taking my body to go back to normal, and itís so hard to be patient about it while the thought that I need to loose 16lbs is constantly on my mind.
I am afraid that I will gain, I am afraid of being fat, I am afraid of not being able to loose these 15lbs the healthy way, I am afraid that despite me doing everything right itíll still go wrong.
I have so much guilt and fear inside now that I gust donít know how to deal with it.
It feels as if I donít even know who I am anymore, I donít know who I am without the ED, and I am so scared of the person I see in the mirror, so scared about life, everything gust seems so impossible right now.
Hope this will pass soon.