Today is just one of those dreary, bad mood, yucky days. I did get to chair yoga and that went well. But, i've just been out of sorts (that's an understatement), and hungry, and irritable, and other negative energy feelings.
yesterday, the friend who was mostly responsible for my puppy acquisition came to visit bearing cookies. i was positive they would not 'bother' me and i would just pass them on to my father and perhaps have him freeze two if he thought they were excellent. but, i did not see my father today. so they were just sort of sitting there. cookies have always called to me in the past. sometimes from hidden locations. i could hear/sense a good cookie in any location.
well, i as i said i was very hungry today. so i kept trying to eat some protein. and hydrate. and finally i found myself opening the cookie container and picking out the best cookie. i broke the smallest piece off, but then just let it drop back into the container.
so then i remembered i had 2 left over skinny cow truffle pops in freezer. and i rationalized that it was only 100 calories and i would just get back in compliance tomorrow.
but, then the weirdest thing happened. i told myself i would just continue to eat what is allowed and if i still wanted the skinny cow i just would and i would try to figure out why i had to have it. so i had peppers and onions i made yesterday. and fat free cheese. and tomatoes. and protein powder with almond milk. and coffee. and i took the garbage out.
and i haven't had anything not on cycle 1.
what i am feeling is that because i would not think i had "ruined" everything even if i messed up... that sort of released me to just deal with it more rationally. i would have put the odds of eating the skinny cow to be 75-25, but now it is more 90-10 on not doing that. and i won't be feeling like i am depriving myself. just making that choice.
i think that's progress. at least it feels that way.
i do think maybe there was a bit of sabotage at work. both from my friend and from me since i hit a scale number that i really liked.
266.6 pre 17Day Diet... lost 10.8 pounds with severe back and knee injury..
255.8 17DD- for one year of cycles.... lost 80 pounds!!!
175.4 Mid Aug 2012- present... yoyoville- net gain 6.4 pounds
181.8 Restart May28... Sept 25 2012 172.6 Sept 6 2013 187.0
BLC 23 9/25 189 12/18 183.2 BLX24 183.8
| current weight: 179.2