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4/12/16 2:53 P

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I deleted my post here, and copied and pasted it on the 2016 forum.

Edited by: LAURANCE at: 4/12/2016 (15:06)
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4/12/16 1:53 P

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Do not post hear! Giving this thread a much needed Vacation.

SO LETS CHAT OUR WAY THROUGH 2016!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Michele - Northern Kentucky


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4/12/16 1:52 P

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Darn I just got a call from my doctor's office and my blood sugar is a little high.I have to go see him on Monday. I have a family history of diabetes. I hope that my weight loss and change of food will help.

Remind yourself that it is okay not to be perfect.


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4/12/16 9:04 A

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Laura I am so sorry about Cuddles.That is devastating news for you and Roger. My thoughts are with you. I guess all you can do for now is enjoy the time you have left. So sad.
Shirl, I am glad you are doing better. I am fortunate in that the Ontario government provides me with PSW (Personal Support Workers) who come in daily to wash ,dress and exercise Denis. We ran out of his work benefits when he turned 65 and now we rely on government seniors plan.
Like Laura's Allan, my Denis has progressively deteriorated. He is weak, thin and totally dependent now. I have to use a lift to get him out of bed, he wears diapers now and because of his brain injury he cannot communicate (aphasia). He has all his memories, is the same smart, gentle man I married and because of that and our foundation of faith I continue daily to care for his needs. I suggested to Laura to check out www.caregiver.org/family-care-navigator web site. See if there is any assistance for you in your state.
Care giving is not an easy thing. I am on this weight loss journey so that I can care for him as long as possible by being healthier. God Bless. I will keep you and Roger in my prayers.

Edited by: ALRAET at: 4/12/2016 (09:04)
Remind yourself that it is okay not to be perfect.


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4/12/16 7:04 A

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Hi Alrae and Laurance, I'm glad to report that the eyedrops and anti-inflammatory are working wonderfully and I'm feeling much more positive today. When I see what you are both going through I feel ashamed of myself for complaining (although it's mainly in my mind). You DO understand and are such an inspiration. My husband Roger was hale and hearty until he got the tumor on his spine which fortunately was not cancerous. But by time it was diagnosed he couldn't move his legs and his brain went utterly delirious. Very scary. He spent six months in hospital after the op as the enormous wound kept getting infected. Meanwhile he got thinner and weaker. When he finally came home he was totally helpless and my medical aid had run out so I had to learn to care for him. He has been home for ten months now and his appetite has improved a lot and his muscles are getting stronger. He really should be having rehab but the facilities here are few and crowded and while his wound was still open he was assessed as unsuitable. I would hire a private physiotherapist if I could afford it but all we have is income from some investments.
Still, when he was so ill I prayed that he wouldn't die and my prayer was answered for which I'm grateful.
Laurance I'm so sorry about your cat. It's so sad for both of you.

Let us not forget to be kind.


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4/11/16 8:37 P

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Today we're feeling bad. We got bad news. We have a dear grey cat who is like a child to us. We got the bad news that Cuddles has a cancerous tumor in her mouth, and there's nothing that can be done about it. Well, if she were a human there would be a disfiguring and crippling operation that would make it hard if not impossible for her to eat - which is the very thing that happened to a friend of mine - but that would be a horrible thing to inflict on an elderly cat. So we will be saying Goodbye to our cat before too long.

Allan is devastated! This dear kitty is his friend in illness who loves to get up in bed with him and snuggle next to him. He was crying in the vet's office when we got the news. This will be a huge and painful loss for him. I'm pretty devastated, too, because I love this cat. She snuggles with me, too. Cuddles certainly deserves her name.

But whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do? I'm going to go upstairs before long, and we'll be together in Allan's room, watching a video on Allan's TV with Cuddles between us. We'll do this nightly for a while, how long I don't know, and then our dear kitty will be gone.
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4/11/16 8:10 P

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I'm joining Alrae in welcoming you, Shirl. Alrae has already told you she's been a caregiver for eight years. I've been taking care of Allan to one extent or another since 1993. The nature of the caregiving has changed over the years. I'm nine years older than Allan, so I'm ahead in age, but he's ahead in ill health and life-threatening conditions.

As Alrae pointed out, we had a lively group here, but the other women became widows while I kept on going with Allan who keeps on going somehow. It came time for them to move on. Some simply vanished, but others told us of the death of their loved one, and stuck around the group a little while longer.

I appreciated the widows who told us the news and stayed around a little while. Over the months we came to care about the people (usually a husband, but one caregiver had a sick daughter who eventually died) our women were caring for. When these men died, we shared some sense of loss along with the caregiver. Over the months we'd empathized along with the caregiver when we got news of a health improvement, or a health loss, or a decline, or some such situation. And the death mattered to us, along with the feelings and experience of the caregiver suddenly no longer a caregiver but thrust into a new life situation. We were glad to be able to hear of some life changes. Karen struggled to keep up the farm, but some people from the church came to help. Irene's son was supportive and there for her when it was time for Irene to move on. And Michele was just here a day or so ago as she gets used to a new life in a new place.

But I found myself alone. The widows were moving on. I sat around here by myself till Alrae showed up. And now you're here, Shirl! I hope some more caregivers will join us and this good forum will enjoy new members and new support.
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4/11/16 7:49 P

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Hello, Shirl...and I hope you will be feeling better pretty soon and have recovered from your fall and your eye infection. It's hard to be a caregiver when you yourself are not well.

I can identify with your feelings of guilt when you worry that you aren't giving Roger enough care. I also feel guilty and think I'm not giving Allan enough. Well, it's true, I'm not giving Allan enough, but I'm not a doctor, I'm not a nurse, and I'm nine years older than him besides.

People keep telling us, You need to take care of yourself first! If you were on an airplane and there was trouble, you'd be told to put *your own* oxygen mask on *first*, and then take care of others. Take care of yourself first, I get told, before you take care of Allan.

That's when I get snarly and cranky. "This isn't an airplane," I grouch, "and there is no oxygen mask! When Allan needs, Allan needs, and if I need, I have to set my need on the back burner and attend to Allan. Sorry 'bout that..."

And I gather Roger needs care, and sometimes it's hard to take care of him and tend to your own needs as well.

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4/11/16 7:35 P

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You're being very sensible, Alrae! You're not morbid at all! Yes, by all means, make the difficult decisions when you are clear and able to think and choose wisely!

The last thing you need is to be pressured by an undertaker when you're shocked and stressed and grieving. My mother got pressured into some things she didn't want when my dad died. She did resist the undertaker's pressure to have an expensive funeral, but she'd been bamboozled into some unnecessary things.

I hope your kids will come to appreciate your good sense.
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4/11/16 5:40 P

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Hi Shirl, I assume Roger is your spouse. How long have you been a caregiver ? I have been going on 8 years now. I hope your tailbone feels better soon and your eye clears up. It is nice to have some else join our small group. As Laura will tell you many of the caregivers have lost their spouse or loved one and have moved on. This is a safe place to vent, encourage ask for prayers. WE hope to be here to support you. Alrae

Remind yourself that it is okay not to be perfect.


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4/11/16 4:34 P

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Hello Alrae and everyone here. Hope things are as calm as can be hoped for tonight. When I read what you have to endure I feel a lot less sorry for myself. I went to my doctor today because I had a fall just over a week ago and my tailbone hurts a lot. Also have an eye infection that just wouldn't clear up. But the meds and drops the doc prescribed have made a lot of difference already so I can concentrate more on Roger tomorrow. I always feel guilty that I'm not looking after him enough but I'm doing my best. I'm sure I'll have more energy once I get on to healthier eating.

Let us not forget to be kind.


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4/11/16 9:34 A

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Laura I got a phone call last night from Denis's brother who live 8 hours away. They are coming for a visit next weekend. My sister in law has Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis .She was diagnosed two years ago and is still doing okay. She get short of breath and has slowed down but she can still travel and is not on oxygen yet. You never know how long someone has.I live with the same concerns as far as Denis. He gets real sick then improves a bit. I know the first bad flu or pneumonia would probably be his end as his immune system is so weak. He sleeps most of the day just to have enough energy to function for a few hours each morning and evening. My kids think I am morbid but I have our funerals prepaid and all the funeral arrangements for both of us written out. We have our monument on our plot in the local cemetery and it is all paid for. I don't want to have to pick anything out or make any decisions when I am grieving. I know like you I will be heart broken when Denis does pass over.

Remind yourself that it is okay not to be perfect.


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4/11/16 9:23 A

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Michelle I hope you had a great visit with your daughter. My daughter lives 40 minutes away but I don't see her or my grandchildren except on holidays. I can't really travel anymore with Denis because his condition is worse. I have four children two biological boys and two adopted girls. My youngest daughter is getting married this summer she has FAS(Fetal Alcohol Syndrome) She is the sweetest girl but has a lot of problems,she is low vision, and her FAS causes problems with her judgement and cognative thinking. I have to help her out financially quit often. Her fiancee is on dialysis. He had a kidney from his dad when he was young but it was rejected about 3 years ago.now he is on a waiting list for a donor.He and S have know each other for 8 years and have lived together for 3 years. S wants her dad to walk (wheel) down the aisle at her wedding. Denis really wants to do this too.
My oldest son and his fiancee and her three girls live with me. They are more work than help. They work night and evening shifts and I can't rely on them to watch Denis.My son is a volunteer fire fighter and gets called out when he is home. My younger son lived in London 45 min drive he just came back after the oil fields cut jobs. He has a retail job now but hates it and is trying to find better work. Family dynamics is always a challenge and sometimes messy. The first few years after Denis's accident the kids were great. Life goes on and I am glad that each of them are focused on their families. I know that they love us and if I needed them they would be here ASAP.

Remind yourself that it is okay not to be perfect.


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4/10/16 9:58 P

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How terribly weird it will be if Allan dies before I do. If he goes first I will be sitting on my butt on the kitchen floor bawling my head off, drinking absinthe and playing old weepy George Jones tunes. (When Allan and I were seriously falling out back in the horrible Bad Old Days there was a time when I could not bear to listen to George Jones. Allan was so awful back in the Bad Old Days, but I still loved him and he loved me, and it was dreadful. Thank goodness for Dementia! He's gotten so sweet and adorable and good-natured, like a lovable four-year-old.)

And I don't know that I want even the kindest people coming around to take care of me. I will want to be seriously alone. I'll have A LOT of baggage and things to process...

My friends came to visit, I haven't seen them in almost three years, and when I told one friend that Allan has Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis the first words out of her mouth were "That's terminal!!"

You're a nurse. I expect you know these things. I dunno what we're in for now. So Allan has something that is most probably terminal, and in some two to three years (but Allan has been going on and on since 1992-1993 after the doctor said, "Why is this man still alive??"). I can't guess what will happen now...

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4/10/16 8:40 P

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YES! You are 150% right about his Family. Other than his oldest Son I have not heard a thing from his family since the funeral. Funny, Funerals seem to bring out the True Family and True Friends.

Michele - Northern Kentucky


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4/10/16 8:32 P

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Hello, Michele...well, if I remember correctly, his family (other than his oldest son) was not all that helpful or supportive anyway, am I right?

I can understand the feeling of guilt. Allan is on my mind when I am out somewhere. I have to struggle with this. I don't know that I can deal with staying in the house 24/7 except when I'm taking him to the doctor. But I also am anxious that he may have an accident while I'm out. Did I tell you that he fell on Easter and broke a rib? I was downstairs and heard that awful thumping sound, and went running upstairs.

But what do I do?? Do I stay in his room and watch him as if he were a little toddler??

I believe I reported here, but did you see? Allan has idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis, most likely. The doctor thinks so, but he's going to do a test to make sure. According to Nice Dr. Google this is a terminal condition with a 2 1/2 to 3 1/2 year survival, with only a few unusual exceptions. I've been taking care of Allan since summer of 1993, and I can't imagine not hustling around taking care of him. How odd it would be to be able to visit my friends and stay overnight and not worry...is Allan really finite? You mean he won't last forever and ever? I once told a therapist that when Allan goes, I'll be grieved and relieved in equal measure. How odd to think of this.

I'm glad to hear, Michele, that you're getting to go and visit and have a good time now!
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4/10/16 8:20 P

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Good evening, took a Trip South this weekend to my oldest daughters. This is the first time in years that I did not feel quilt in going some where with out DH. It has taken a while for me to realize I do not have to be home at a certain time for anything involving DH's care. Strange, I'm not missing his family that much ( only his oldest Son ).

Have a Blessed week and please, remember you are very Special! Michele

Michele - Northern Kentucky


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4/10/16 9:06 A

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Good morning, Alrae...today is a lovely day. Cold but sunny and bright. I've been enjoying seeing my friends after all this time. We ate too much. They brought along wine and chocolates, and we got Pizza. I will have to behave myself this week with the food. But I didn't have the heart to refuse the wine and chocolates after they brought these things to be happy and friendly.

We'll be going out to lunch, and then they will be on their way.

I'm happy to say that Allan is enjoying seeing them, too. The pain is better today, thank goodness.

But what this pain does is shake my confidence in the ability of doctors to really relieve pain. Allan doesn't have cancer, but I'm thinking now of cancer patients. I have the bad feeling that many of them suffer, and the doctors can't really relieve the pain.

Thank you once again for your kind thoughts. That makes a difference. Caregiving can get so isolating and lonely. This forum is important. I hope some more people find their way here.

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4/10/16 8:38 A

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So glad you had friends visit and that the crisis has gone for now. I hope you had a good nights sleep and wish you the best on this Sunday morning.

Remind yourself that it is okay not to be perfect.


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4/9/16 10:11 P

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Thank you, Alrae, for your kind words. I appreciate your thoughts and your understanding of how it is
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Allan and I are both better today. He's not in as much pain today as yesterday. I've been focused and frankly rather stressed because I have houseguests today. I was getting ready all day, and the weather was terrible and snowy, and so much was on my mind. But my friends arrived and we had a nice time. Crisis time is now past. Tomorrow they will be heading back to Ithaca NY.

Now it's bedtime, and I will gladly go upstairs and sleep. And tomorrow will be an easier day.

I'll bet that there are days when it's you who are under stress, and Denis who is in pain or suffering. It's awful, isn't it, to see another person suffering and you just can't fix it. The suffering is hard to take, both for the sufferer and the person who cares and feels so helpless to do anything.

Now the day is mercifully over. Time for me to trot out my favorite emoticons.
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4/9/16 10:04 A

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Oh Laura I feel your pain in your words.Poor Allan and poor you. You have so much to handle and little resources to help you. I could can only listen and pray for you both. My heart feels so much compassion and love for you in your struggle. Care giving is a lonely and under appreciated calling. I will hold you both in my prayers.



Remind yourself that it is okay not to be perfect.


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4/9/16 12:34 A

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Oh it's way past bedtime, but I can't sleep yet! It's so awful here right now. Allan is in terrible horrible pain, and I can't fix it!! He's in such pain!! What do I do?? I've given him more pain pills than he's supposed to have. But he's in such pain!!

What do I do? What do any of us do when we have to do the impossible?? What do we do when the loved one we care for is in a horrible state, and WE are the ones who are supposed to fix it, but we can't??

Does society care? No. Allan is a poor nobody, mentally ill and with no end of physical problems. He's not an important person, not somebody of status, not somebody who does important things. He's only a mentally ill person who never was able to succeed in society and be someone of significance. Now, he was a talented musician, but his mental illness got in the way of real success. Allan is nobody, and nobody other than me cares that he's terribly sick and in horrendous pain right now. I've given him pills, and a bit more than I should have, but that's all! I can't give him pills pills pills on demand! And I'm nobody, too. Society doesn't notice caregivers. We're invisible, and often we die of stress-related diseases while our loved ones go on like the energizer bunny.

We both had a meltdown a little bit ago. He had a meltdown because of being in pain, and I had a meltdown because I just can't fix it! I can't give any more! I can't be superwoman, I can't make things right, I can't stop the pain for him! We were both crying and having a dreadful time. He is in pain and I am overwhelmed. I'm drowning. I feel like an avalanche is coming down on us.

Now I'm going to go up to bed and try to get some sleep. I just needed to vent and dump right now. I'm just feeling overwhelmed and crushed by caregiving right now.

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4/7/16 9:12 P

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Hello, Michele...now I'm mystified...heard from Dixie? Dixie? Not South...oh wait, do you mean Pixie? No, nothing for a long time.

Oh man, downsizing! I'm looking around this house and am dismayed. I have such a problem with clutter, thanks to this miserable ADD/ADHD. I want to get things cleaned out and manageable. Thanks to my hoarding tendencies I am very attached to my junk. Now, I'm not as bad as the people they feature on TV, but I do find it very hard to get rid of things. I get attached to them, and taking them away is like taking my arm off, or my ear off, or pulling my leg off.

I contemplate my age, and I remind myself that once I go, I'll be leaving my stuff behind. The stuff is going to go, like it or not. I may as well try to get used to the idea of my stuff walking out of this house now, and have yard sales regularly.

And yes, I should get my affairs in order. I have to figure out what sort of expert I hire to help me with this.

As for Allan, his affairs are separate from mine. He has hardly anything. He has SSI and Medicaid and now Medicare, since he turned 65. His property consists of his clothes and some Anne Rice books and that's about it. The TV in his room is one I bought.

But I have to think about my own stuff because I don't want to burden my daughter. My grandmother had everything in order, so when she died my mother was able to take care of business. I must do likewise.

My Curves coach was the caregiver to her father. She understands the things that I'm having to do, and she understands how confining it is to be a caregiver. She said that when her dad died, all of a sudden she could be free to do things she couldn't before.

I have no idea what will happen. I don't know what to expect from Allan's condition and this lung problem he has. I've gotten used to living without knowing what's in store.

Michele, I'm glad to hear you're finally getting the rest you need and deserve!
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4/7/16 5:54 P

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Glad that you are resettled Michelle.I can understand how trying it must have been for you. I hope now things can settle down and you can get into anew routine. Thank you for your advice. Alrae


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4/7/16 5:50 P

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Yep, back and now getting the rest I missed the last 3 years. Move is over and now unpacking and trying to get into a routine. Biggest lesson learned, downsizing needs to be done every 5 to 10 years. That is one thing I would tell every Caregiver. Also, final arrangements and financial situations don't put off. Planning is the key to getting through what can be very trying times.

Laura, have you heard anything from Dixie?

Michele - Northern Kentucky


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4/7/16 3:57 P

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Hey hey hey Alrae! So you got some welcome time off! Spent time with your sister! Rewarded yourself for losing those 20 pounds! And losing 20 pounds is a reward in itself! A double reward here! And you got some hobby supplies to keep you busy! Hooray! I'm glad to hear you had a good day!
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4/7/16 3:01 P

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Respite day today.I got out with my sister to London (45 min drive).I treated myself to some LUSH that is all natural bath and beauty products. A reward for losing 20 pounds. I also bought some wool and crochet hook to keep my fingers busy. I find at night the worse for wanting to snack. All in all in spite of the cold it was a nice day. Sister day is my weekly highlight.

Remind yourself that it is okay not to be perfect.


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4/6/16 9:16 P

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Meals on Wheels, you have that in Canada, too. We can get home delivered meals, too. Meals on Wheels is not our program. It's what people can get in the larger town ten miles to the south of us, they get Meals on Wheels. What we can get is meals that I do believe come from the Senior Center via the Office of the Aging. They're free, but they do appreciate it if those who can give some money. I take some money out of Allan's stash and give it to them from time to time.

I have mixed feelings. These meals create problems of their own while solving other problems. It's a trade-off. I've chosen to stay with the meals because at least Allan gets some variety, which he won't get from me. The meals claim to be low sodium and diabetic friendly, but I have my doubts. Still I am spared the struggle over food five times a week. That is, one meal five days a week. Better than nothing, and better than the stress I go through every day when I have to produce something. In exchange, I have to be there when it's time for the food to arrive. Okay if it's on time. But sometimes it's an hour and a half late. I have to schedule Allan's doctor appointments around this.

A nurse once a week for a total of four weeks doesn't help. Allan needs daily attention, and at this time he needs his bandages changed three or four times a day. And it's time for me to go up and clean his legs up and put clean bandages on him.
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4/6/16 10:05 A

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hi Laura how are you doing today ? No real change with Denis. He eats a good breakfast is washed and changed but falls back asleep after his exercise. He wakes about 4 pm and we watch the Y & R and eat supper about 4:30 .He is so exhausted after that and he goes back to sleep. I spend my nights alone watching TV or movies.It can be very lonely and boring. I tried to get a follow up appointment with my doctor but nothing is available until December, Oh well I will continue on and hopefully I will have lost a lot more weight by then. Allan sound like a sweet guy. I hope that you can find some help so that you can feel better about things.You are always in my prayers. Alrae

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4/5/16 9:54 A

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Laura you are validated by your love and the care you give Allan. I recognize the gift of your service to him. Michelle thank you for dropping by. Those of us still on the care giving journey appreciate your presence and wisdom. I wish I knew what was available for you in the USA Laura .We have "Meals on Wheel". Volunteers bring meals to your home for a small price, They are made at the hospital and are designed for diabetic and other health needs. I have nurses that come into the home for free provided by the Ontario government. Denis has a nurse come in every 4th day, I change his meds in the pump daily and they are delivered every other day. The personal support workers two of them come daily to wash and exercise Denis.This allows me to care for him at home.
Hang in there and know that you are in my daily prayers.

Remind yourself that it is okay not to be perfect.


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4/5/16 7:57 A

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Michele! Hello! It's so good to see you here again! How are you, and what are you doing now? I have trouble now imaging life after caregiving, but it is there.

Yesterday was just crummy, and I was so depressed and miserable. Today it's cold cold cold, but the sun is out, and that will help. I still haven't found my car keys, but I know they have to be somewhere on this property.

Allan doesn't really understand how hard caregiving is. If he sees me getting tired and burned out he blames himself, which I do NOT want him to do, and he says he'll head out to Colorado. He doesn't understand how distressing that kind of nonsense talk is for me, and how impossible that makes it for us to have any real conversation about the situation. He says I'm doing fine, that my care is great, that he's satisfied with the food I provide. He's very loving and I know he means what he says about that. But he doesn't get it that when I hear that I feel invalidated and erased.

My care is NOT adequate for his needs. He needs more nursing than what I can provide. And the food I give him is NOT adequate or right at all! He needs a dietician and full-time specialty chef. I'm not that and will never be. And because he's so loving and devoted he doesn't understand that the rest of the world doesn't know I exist.

Nobody is talking about Allan's diagnosis. How bad is it? Is it really terminal? Does he have only some three years more for real? I don't know! I don't know!

Sunshiny day, and here I am griping and complaining once again!

The good news is that I've lost ten pounds!! Spring is here, even though it's hiding somewhere today.
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4/4/16 9:57 P

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I must say reading the previous posts has brought back many memories from the last year. I learned more in those 4 months Bob was in Hospice on assistance than in my 58 years of working in Healthcare. Yet if I had to do 24/7 care for Bob, over again I would As well as knowing he was not alone, in those final hours. Being a Caregiver for a loved-one is hard, draining and isolating. It was for me and it will take its toll on many Caregivers.

Caregivers need to take care of their self. To many we are a forgotten person.

Michele - Northern Kentucky


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" Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could."
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4/4/16 8:04 P

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Oh yuck, I had a bit of a mini-meltdown today. So frustrated and so tired and so burned out. It sure didn't help that I've misplaced my car keys. I know they have to be somewhere nearby. The car is here and I didn't push it home, so the keys are somewhere in the house. But where? Was I so distracted and burned out I didn't put them on the hook where I always keep them? What on earth did I do to them? Too tired today, that's what.
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4/2/16 9:29 P

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Thank you, Alrae! I went to the Family Caregiver site, and I will go and spend some time looking at what they have to offer. Yes, I am burning out, and today started off nicely (I spent time for myself), but now I'm tired.

It doesn't help that I have severe ADD/ADHD. It makes it very hard for me to keep things orderly. My house gets cluttered easily, and then I get even more confused and disorderly. I am trying to get things reasonably orderly because two of my friends from New York State are going to be here next weekend. I want to see them, but at the same time I'm distressed by the clutter and I want it to get things reasonably in order, not perfect, of course, but reasonably presentable.

It doesn't help that now Allan is having a real problem with his edema. He's eaten too much salt, and now he's horribly swollen and his right leg is leaking fluid. It's like changing a baby's diapers, all wet, and if I don't get things changed soon enough he drips icky fluid on the floor when he walks. UGH!! I have a nice rug runner that was new back in December, or was it January?, and I stepped on a wet spot. Phooey! I'm going to roll that rug up and put it out of the way until his leg gets cleared up!

And it doesn't help that I'm running out of bandage supplies. I put in an order at the Wound Clinic, and if I'm lucky there will be a package here on Monday. I will probably run out by tomorrow, though, and I will have to wrap towels around his leg for the time being.

Oh my, when my daughter was a baby back in the early '60's I used cloth diapers, and the kind I had was really great. Once she was out of diapers I had the best dust rags and cleaning cloths! Oh how I wish I still had those wonderful baby diapers and could use them to soak up the mess Allan is making!

Food is the biggest problem here. Just too much sodium in so much food. It's too hard to give Allan the right kind of food. He wants junk food. And I go to the store and read labels and want to cry. Sodium all over the place. It's hard to find something that is okay for him that he's willing to eat.

Oh my, listen to me! Grumble grumble grumble! And for shame! Here I am complaining when you have your dear Denis who is in far worse condition than Allan.

I looked at pictures on your SparkPage. You remind me slightly of a very dear friend of mine who has been the caregiver to her husband with cancer and went through horrible stress while they waited to find a bone marrow donor, and then went through more stress while the transplant was done - and now she has similar problems. He wants to drink Pepsi and eat greaseburger junk from fast food places, just like Allan. I looked at your pictures and thought, Kind of like Lynn, around the eyes. And I had a nice feeling.

And Denis looks like such a sweet man! I hope you're being rewarded with love and appreciation for the care and work you do. Allan does reward me with his lovey-dovey sweetness. My best friend says that for us, every day is Valentine's Day, and she's right. She wishes her husband would be as mushy lovey-dovey to her as Allan is to me. I tell Allan that love is the carrot on the stick that keeps this little donkey trudging along.

I'm glad you're here, Alrae. I hope we can get some more women (and men, too) to come to this chat. It was so lively and informative for some time, but as I said before, our caregivers became widows and it was time for them to move on, and in four short months I was alone here.

I'd like to revive this forum on this team. I'd like for some more caregivers discover we are here and get some discussion and support and information exchange happening here.

Bedtime now...
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4/2/16 6:15 P

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Laura it sounds very frustrating and I worry that you are burning yourself out. Take time for you. I found a support group in the USA www.caregiver.org/family-care-navigator This is off of their web page "Family Care Navigator helps family caregivers locate public, nonprofit, and private programs and services nearest their loved oneŚliving at home or in a residential facility. Resources include government health and disability programs, legal resources, disease-specific organizations and more. Caregiving is challenging, but there are resources to help. " Check it out there may be some help available to you. I worry about you. Who cares for the caregiver. I am here for you any time you need to vent or need support. Alrae

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4/2/16 5:06 P

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Hello, Alrae...right now I'm kind of shaking my head and taking a deep breath. Allan wanted to go to Trader Joe, and I said Yes and took him, even though I know better. He wants to grab all the high sodium food there. And I have to be the No-No-Nanny. Ugh...

But he did find some dried mango slices that have ZERO sodium! One good thing! So I'm happy about that.

Allan does not have a Case Worker. If anything *I* am the "case worker".

He does use a cane, but walking isn't the problem. It's his bad habit of standing. Just standing and standing and standing. And then he blacks out and falls. He also sits on the side of his bed, and sits and sits and sits till he blacks out. Usually he falls backwards across his bed, but he broke his foot and sprained his ankle when he toppled forward.

My daughter and son-in-law brought a chair over for him, so that his weight would be towards the back and he wouldn't topple forward. And the arms on the chair would also help. Do you think Allan uses that chair? No. He piles stuff on it and continues to sit on the side of his bed.

He simply will not cooperate. I can't force him or stop him. I'm so tired of this.

Here he comes now, going outside to smoke cigarettes.
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4/2/16 9:30 A

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yes unfortunately ribs heal and if nothing was punctured as you say they say time heals. Does Allen use a cane or walker ? Is there nothing they can recommend so he won't get hurt? The burden falls to you and that seems so unfair. Does Allan have a case worker ? My daughter and her fiancee have a case worker because they are on disability. She helps them with various things like his doctor appointment in the city and money management.Each person on disablilty pension is a assigned a case worker to help them be it for managing money or coordinating services to assist them in daily life. Nothing is perfect but at least I know help is available for them.
I am fortunate to get help with free Personal Support Workers for two hour each morning.We have a good system in Ontario for helping.

Remind yourself that it is okay not to be perfect.


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4/1/16 9:41 P

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I didn't take Allan to the emergency room when he fell, because his lung wasn't punctured and he wasn't disabled by the fall. But today at the Pain Clinic they ordered an X-ray, and sure enough, he broke his rib. But still nothing is coming of it. They don't do anything about broken ribs.

But it's *another* broken bone for that man! His wrist, his foot, now his rib, and he sprained his ankle. I wish we could prevent these falls.

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3/30/16 9:04 P

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You got it, Alrae! Life is what happens to you when you had other plans, so the old slogan goes. And I can't predict 12:00 at 11:55. I don't know what will happen with Allan. I just keep on keeping on and taking him to the doctor. Tomorrow is the Wound Clinic. Friday is the Pain Clinic. Allan is having more pain since he fell, and he needs more pain medicine. He hurt his side and his ribs, but he refused to go to the doctor about it.

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3/30/16 8:04 A

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We can never predict our future.Denis has survived longer than anyone thought and he is not vegetative.His brain injury was so severe that they thought he would be.I have known many people who beat the odds. I find the best thing to do is live one day at a time and hope for the best.


Remind yourself that it is okay not to be perfect.


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3/29/16 9:06 P

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I went online to have a look-see at info about this Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis. What I found is that most patients live 2 1/2 to 3 1/2 years after being diagnosed. But there are some exceptional people who live longer than that and go on for some time.

Allan was supposed to have died back in December of 1992. The doctor looked at him and said, "Why is this man still alive?" Allan just kept going on like the energizer bunny, being sick with this thing and that and having emergencies one after the other, and still he keeps on going.

I wonder if this condition will finally get him. Or will he just go on and on and on, sick as the dickens with these horrible conditions until he outlives me?

Can't guess. Can't predict anything.

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3/28/16 1:40 P

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Lara...I often hear people say that GOD does not give us more than we can handle.Well like you I wish he didn't trust me so much. I wish you strength and courage as you minister to Allan. It is not going to be easy. I am here for you any time you need to vent. That is what friends are for.

Alrae

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3/28/16 12:41 P

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Sometimes when it rains it pours.

We just got back from the pulmonary doctor who pulled no punches. Allan is in BA-A-A-D shape. He has emphysema and what looks like idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis which is ultimately fatal if nothing else kills him first.

Whoop-de-doo! Yet more illness for me to care for! More problems! More medicine! More treatments!

And more of Allan's stinkin' NONCOMPLIANCE and NON-COOPERATION!

Oh what fun is in store here in this house...

Don't mind me. I'm tired and hungry for some lunch.

But first I have to go over to the Wound Clinic and place an order for more bandaging supplies.

Grumble grumble grumble...
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3/28/16 9:39 A

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I am so sorry to hear about Allan's fall. Is there nothing they can do to find out the cause. Denis has little seizures from his brain injury and every once in a while he has grand mal seizure but medication seems to help. It must be very stressful for you at times.


Remind yourself that it is okay not to be perfect.


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3/27/16 9:19 P

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Allan fell today. It's been a long time, like many months, since he last fell. But now it's happened again. He blacked out. That's how it happens. He blacks out and falls. And his falls tend to come in clusters.

He doesn't appear to have hurt himself this time. But a couple of years ago he broke his wrist one time, his foot another time, and sprained his ankle when his foot was broken.

Since his falls come in clusters I, well, I don't know what to do. There may well be a series of falls for a while.

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3/25/16 8:36 P

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Hi, Alrae...and thanks for the slogan at the bottom of your post, "Remind yourself that it is okay not to be perfect."

Uhhhhh....I need that. My mother was always scolding me. I was never good enough, and I still struggle with that.

Oh, so Denis can't get out to go to the doctor, I see. Good that the doctor comes to you. And you can get some nursing care and help at home.

So far the "help" we've gotten isn't helpful. But luckily Allan is not so far gone that I can't manage. With difficulty and stress, of course, but he can walk downstairs and get in the car. Taking care of Allan would be like taking care of a very sweet four-year-old, except that a real four-year-old grows up and learns things and does things and keeps expanding. Allan, on the other hand, just goes on and on and on with chronic pain and dementia and this infuriating heart failure which requires low sodium food, which is the hardest part of caring for him. It's the one thing that really blows me away.

I understand what you are saying about Denis wanting to stay around to see your daughter married. My uncle had a massive heart attack and almost died, and had to have a quadruple bypass. He was old, but he stayed alive because he wanted to celebrate his 50th wedding anniversary. It was in the winter, and I drove some three or four hours through awful miserable snow and winter weather (I can't do that any more, I'm an old geezer) to be there. It was lovely, and if I hadn't had to drive back for three or four hours through that awful winter weather I would have stayed on later into evening.

The anniversary happened and it was memorable and beautiful. My cousin said that my uncle was staying alive because this event was important to him.

And then my uncle fell sick and in barely a month he died. My cousin understood what was going on. I'm happy to have the memory of being there.

Today we went to the pain psychiatrist at the Pain Clinic. He prescribed medicine to help Allan with the pain. We're weaning Allan off opiates, because the opiates are now just making the problem worse. We're working on getting other medicines in place. It just goes on and on.

I'm tired now, time to go up to bed and snuggle with the nice warm pussy cat.


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3/25/16 10:01 A

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Morning Laura, yes I feel a little peculiar too going for my own health. I am usually calling the doctor about Denis.He comes to our home now. Nurses come here to our home every four days and the lab tech comes once a month for his blood work. Supplies are being delivered every two days. My life revolves around his health. He too has had many surgery and the last one did not do what we hoped so I was given a few choices to try. I talked to Denis and he refused two of the choices. So we are trying to improve his over all quality of life by the continuous antibiotic use. He keeps losing weight and his hip bones and ribs are showing now. I can not weigh him because he is either in bed or in his electric wheelchair. I am hoping like you as the weather improves to get him outside in the sunshine and on a few rides this summer, He really wants to be here for our daughter's wedding and that will be his highlight this summer. Sometimes I think he is just hanging on until he sees her married. I know he is so weak now that any pneumonia or flu would ...well you know. Any way I am focused on my health and continue to do my best for my beloved.

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Edited by: ALRAET at: 3/25/2016 (10:02)
Remind yourself that it is okay not to be perfect.


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3/23/16 8:53 P

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A doctor appointment for YOU? Do you feel kind of weird when you go to the doctor for yourself instead of Denis?

I sure do. I've been taking Allan to the doctor since 1993 - doctor doctor doctor, we live at the doctor's office. I'm so used to taking him to the doctor over and over, day after day, week after week, with hospitalizations and procedures and one thing after another. Allan has had more operations than I can count. Now he can't have any more operations unless it's a matter of life and death, because full anesthesia could possibly kill him. The last time he needed an operation the doctor had to use a local anesthetic and couldn't do the kind of operation he really wanted to do - it had to be a better-than-nothing job that was better than nothing at all, but not as good as it would have been if the doctor had been able to do what he really needed to do.

When it comes my turn to see the doctor I feel so peculiar. Why am I here? Where's Allan? Are we really going to look at ME?

Losing weight and getting exercise is so important for us! I had gone pre-diabetic from cortisone shots in my knee, and I was overweight. I lost weight and exercised regularly - I'd joined Curves. I was already going to Jazzercise a couple of times a week, but I was then going to Curves at least five days a week.

And I brought myself out of the pre-diabetic range.

Yes, I'll bet your health will improve with weight loss and exercise. I agree, you won't be able to care for Denis if you're falling apart. I keep saying that if I go down the drain, Allan will be out of luck.

Let's do it! Let's get healthy!
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3/23/16 8:41 P

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Hello, Alrae...It was a bit cool here yesterday, but today was glorious! Just right, not too hot and not too cold. Miracle of miracles! Allan actually wanted to go for a short walk this morning. Will wonders never cease? We walked slowly down the alley and then back again. It was a short distance, but it was indeed a walk.

And then the wonders did indeed not cease. By mid-afternoon the day was great with sunshine and perfect temperature. I asked Allan if he'd like to visit the Arboretum at Penn State and do a gentle walk there.

And he said Yes. Wow! I drove us to the Arboretum and we walked slowly around the loop, with occasional stops, and we saw the first spring flowers coming up and blooming.

That was so good. I'm glad he did this, and I sure hope I can get him to walk regularly.
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3/23/16 9:10 A

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I finally got a doctor appointment for me for next week.I will get my blood pressure checked ask for a BMD to be booked and my blood sugar checked. It was a little high last time.I am hoping with the weight I am losing and my increase in exercise will improve my health. I have to take care of me if I want to take care of Denis.

Remind yourself that it is okay not to be perfect.


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3/22/16 9:09 A

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Good morning, it is another cool day here with the threat of snow again. Burr....I am looking forward to spring really being here temperature and all, I am hoping to get some raking and spring clean up done.It will be nice to visit the garden centers and plan my flowers for my garden. Our home has a ravine in the back and a creek that runs through it. We get a lot of rabbits, raccoon, squirrel,chipmunks, ducks, and other wild birds. Denis loves to sit out in his chair in the sun and watch all the activity. I have to do the gardening now and up keep but it is worth it to make him smile and to be able to be outside in a peaceful space.

Remind yourself that it is okay not to be perfect.


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3/21/16 8:43 P

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Hello, Alrae...I sure hope things go really well for you and Denis so that Denis can give your daughter away at her wedding. That's an occasion not to be missed, and I'll bet it will mean a lot to Denis to be able to do this.

Oh, so you have grandkids with this infernal ADD/ADHD. When I was a kid nobody knew about this. If my parents had known it could have gone in either direction. If people had known what to do my life would have been different, and I wouldn't have struggled and failed over and over, but would have been directed to things I can do. OTOH, my mother was such a worrier, if she'd known I have, well, this ADD/ADHD and Tourette's Syndrome and very mild OCD, my mother would probably have treated me like a fragile freak and expected me to be a total failure.

As it was, my parents just thought I was a bad little girl who does these things on purpose and deserves a spanking.

One of Allan's problems is that he has heart failure and edema. He's not supposed to eat salt. This low sodium diet is absolutely killer! There's salt and sodium and whatever in all sorts of food. It's so hard to find things that he can eat. Having ADD/ADHD means my brain just shuts down under pressure. I'm there in the supermarket reading labels and trying not to cry. I just don't know what to do! It's not that I can't read labels and don't understand. It's just that this job is too much for me. And Allan is constantly asking for all this salty junk, and I'm so tired of being the Food Police.

Oh, that's enough grumbling from me now! The day is about over, and soon I can head up to bed. I have a sweet kitty who loves to snuggle. First I'll watch a video with Allan, and the cat will snuggle with him in the crook of his arm. Then I'll head to my room and the cat will join me.

Good night!
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3/21/16 9:08 A

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Hi Laura, bless your heart for helping Allan. Your compassion will be rewarded one day. I am 68 this year and Denis and I had planned a totally different retirement so I know what you mean about disappointment. I have a daughter whom we fostered and later adopted. She has FAS (fetal Alcohol Syndrome) she is on disability and lives independent from us now . However I still help her and her fiancee out. He is on dialysis waiting for a kidney. He had a kidney from his dad when he was young but it rejected about 5 years ago. They are on disability pensions but I help out with clothes and food. I am planning her wedding in July and it is just a family affair with 30 people. LOL I figured I didn't have enough on my plate. Part of the reason I have been advocating for better quality of life for Denis is so that he can give our baby girl away. This is her one and only wedding. Our other daughter had a beautiful wedding 16 years ago and our boys have been married,divorced and remarried.
I have two grandchildren with ADD/ADHD so I understand your disability too. You are fortunate that you can get out and do things. I admire you for doing the care giving task with you disability. It is a mental and physically demanding task. God bless you ! Love Alrae

Edited by: ALRAET at: 3/21/2016 (18:18)
Remind yourself that it is okay not to be perfect.


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3/20/16 8:11 P

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Hello, Alrae...so very good that Denis has that lovely smile and is appreciative! I feel lucky because Allan also has a sweet smile and appreciates what I do. It's that sweetness that keeps me going.

In my case Allan is not my husband, and I had no intention of taking him into my house and living with him. Unfortunately he has a personality disorder and intermittent mental illness and cannot manage himself. And now he has dementia. He's like a very sweet four-year-old. We do love each other, though. He was unable to maintain his own place or manage his money, such as it is, and his health has been falling apart. He'd had a number of surgeries and medical emergencies. I finally threw in the towel and realized that he was better off if I cared for him than if he tried to live on his own. He could never manage.

So on the one hand I do love him and he loves me, and that's good. On the other hand I bought this house with the intention of getting a life here. But instead of getting a life I am now a burned-out caregiver with my life on hold. Allan is 65, and I am 74. I don't know if I'm ever going to have my life to myself. I get heavily depressed.

It doesn't help that I'm handicapped myself. ADD/ADHD is a genuine disability and makes it extremely difficult to do the caregiving tasks.

Luckily I do get out. I can't be gone all day to visit my friends in NY State, but I can get to my book clubs and I can get to Jazzercise and Curves. I'm grateful for that.
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3/20/16 9:41 A

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It must be hard for you Laura with your hubby not helping himself. Denis does his exercises every day with the Personal Support Workers who come in. He can only do the left side as his right as he puts it is "dead". He is weakening though and has lost about 40 lbs in the last year at 6 feet tall he now weighs about 140 lbs. He has the best smile though and he appreciates all the little things I do to make his life better. I get out for a couple hours every day for errands while the PSW are here but no one comes to visit except family. My son and his fiance and three children live with us but they are of little help with shift work, school activities and after school sports.My son is a volunteer fire fighter so he gets called out a lot. The kids do help keep me engaged in life.We have a deacon that comes in once a week to bring us communion and Denis and I look forward to that as he is the only one from our Parish who visits now. That was a bit of a disappointment as we were very active. Funny how you would just like someone to drop by for coffee and a chat. It can be very lonely. I occupy my free time with writing, geneology search and reading. My worse time for eating is at night when I am mindlessly watching TV. I have to plan any snack. I do get out now for 4 hours every Thursday with my sister. We try to take trips to the city 45 min away and the surrounding area. We can go a max of 45 min if we want to do something because I need to be home by 2 pm when PSW is done. I get a lot of nice picture and we have a good time together. My sister is my only friend now. The others have disappeared. Too uncomfortable with my situation I guess. I am ok though , I understand their discomfort and ignorance. I pray ever morning ,I have a routine to my day and I look for those special moments to brighten each day. Our life journey changed with the accident but we can't cry over it.We can with God's help make the most of our time together.

Remind yourself that it is okay not to be perfect.


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3/20/16 8:59 A

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Good morning, Alrae! Watching movies together? Allan and I watch videos of the old '60's and early '70's soap opera "Dark Shadows" every evening before bedtime. Our dear cat loves to snuggle next to Allan in the crook of his arm. These evenings are precious times, and I'll bet your movie time is special to you, too.

And I, too, need to lose weight! I was stress eating, just shoveling it in the pie hole, bags of chocolates, bags of potato chips, eat eat eat and trying to comfort myself. Now I'm happy to say that I've managed to put the brakes on and not eat anything in front of the computer or munch on unhealthy snacks. The only snacks I have are healthy snacks that are part of the day's nutrition.

And I lost a lot of my strength from not exercising enough. Then I got a horrible chest cold that really laid me low. It lasted three weeks, and wow, in just two weeks we lose our conditioning. So I'm starting all over again at Curves and Jazzercise.

I want to walk again, but at this time I'm having problems with cold weather. Just three years ago I was out hiking in real cold, but now I can't walk outside if it's chilly. I need to get off my butt and go Mall Walking and use walk at home videos here.

Allan is supposed to be getting exercise, but he is non-compliant. So he just gets weaker and weaker and more out of shape. He somehow can't comprehend that getting able to walk again would help with his heart failure and edema. Doctors have told him, I've offered repeatedly to walk with him, but I can't persuade him to cooperate.

I know he's in pain. I'm working with his doctor and the Pain Clinic on trying to get effective pain management, but it's hard.

I'm glad to see you here! I hope some new people will show up and we can get this forum back to being lively And hey! A pound a week is not a bad thing. They say that a slower weight loss is better, is healthier and is more likely to last than crashing the weight off.
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3/20/16 8:37 A

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Good morning everyone.Now I understand about the forum. Things in my home have improved slightly Denis is on continuous IV antibiotic now. He had a PICC line put in about a week ago. Since then his body has regained some strength and he is able to fed himself again. He is not sleeping as much and we have been able to watch a few movies together. I am still making slow progress with my weight loss about 1 lb a week but that is ok. I am walking on my treadmill a mile a day (30 min) that is all I can manage for now as i have bilateral knee replacements but I figure that is 7 more miles than the 0 that I wasn't doing. Right now I am trying to improve my eating too fast and my mindless eating.

Remind yourself that it is okay not to be perfect.


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3/18/16 9:00 P

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Has this part of our forum died? Are there no more active caregivers here?

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3/14/16 5:17 P

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Hello, Michele...that lovely book is "Let's Talk Dementia", by Carol Howell. I got it on my Kindle and I liked it so much I got a paperback copy for my daughter. She's reading it right now because her Daddy is being a bit of an old geezer and a bit of a pain in the butt. No, I don't think Daddy has dementia, other than old person forgetfulness sometimes, but there are behaviors that drive her batty, and the book helps her to simmer down and cultivate an attitude that allows the old man behavior to roll off like water off a duck's back.

Math, huh? I haven't looked yet to see what everyone is howling about. I had to learn multiplication tables and how to do long division. I don't know what all this new stuff is about.
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3/14/16 4:54 P

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The only anxiety moment was watching the clouds change shape and movement as the tornado warning went in effect this afternoon. Heaviest part went North of I 70, so now once again the sun is out.

Have been learning the 4th grade studies the past 2 weeks and can truly say I'm glad I went to school when I did. Especially with Math.. A big bummer!! But I get it in my own way.

Have a great week and be careful what you wish for. Michele


P.S> What was the name of that book on Dementia and the author?

Michele - Northern Kentucky


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3/12/16 8:55 P

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Oh boy, Michele...this sounds so good! An invigorating change, new lifestyle. It's so good to be able to do good hard work during the day and then be able to rest, really rest.

That's good to hear.

As for me, I'm glad spring is coming. Things just go on and on and on here, no change, no real help, same ol' stuff. I'm looking to see what I can do to change my attitude and how I can do things differently. I feel as if I'm taking care of a very sweet four-year-old who cannot keep his hands out of the cookie jar. He has no comprehension of sodium and is constantly asking for salty foods. It's tiresome and demoralizing, and I am lowering my standards for myself. Even though he's only four years old, he's sixty five and has patient's rights. There is a limit to just how hard I can try to keep him behaving. Sometimes I back off and let him have his way because it's just too tiring to keep saying No.

We just go on and on. So it's so good to hear from you and know that you have a new life now. This tells me that there may be a day when I can have a new life, too.
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And now time for my favorites:
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3/12/16 12:10 P

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Laura, made it to Miamisburg, Ohio. Directly westward from Dayton, Ohio and Wright Patterson Air Force Base. Acres of farmland waiting for Spring planting, me I'm so ready for a change in Life style. A change in environment was just what I needed. I'm so tired at the end of the day that I have no problem getting 7 to 8 hours of sleep each night. Way different from the last three years with DH.

Glad you got Allan out for a walk. You both needed that. Have a great weekend. Michele

Michele - Northern Kentucky


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3/11/16 8:57 P

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Michele! Hello! Where are you now? Acres and acres of space, and a granddaughter! Spring is comin' at you, sounds like.
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Spring break? Are you near a university? Penn State is having Spring break right now.

As I said a couple of days ago, a miracle happened and I was able to get Allan to go for a walk. Really slow, but he did walk!
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emoticon Been moving and now unpacking what was packed. Love those none boring days, granddaughter and acres and acres of room to roam. Planting season is around the corner so it is time to get those seedlings popping up for transplanting time. Can't wait !!

Spring Break is next up and will being enjoying that as well. Today I'm spending the day counting the rain drops for the next 2 days.

Stay strong and Well! Michele




Michele - Northern Kentucky


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3/9/16 8:48 P

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Such a warm and sunny day! And best of all I was actually able to persuade Allan to go for a walk. Slow, very slow, of course, but he did walk for a good half hour.
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3/6/16 7:40 P

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Still quiet here, everybody's elsewhere doing different things.

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3/2/16 9:38 P

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The diet started Monday. Not that it has anything to do with caregiving, other than it's one less problem to solve. And if I succeed it will be one thing that feels better.

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2/27/16 7:59 P

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I'm bumbling along, coming to think that there is no relief in sight. This is how it is, and services are poor in this county. I can get some services that are not useful, but nothing that I really really need.

I just wish there were a way for me to have a day off to go see my friends in NY State. It's been at least two and a half years, since September of 2013, since I've seen my friends. I see nothing in sight. My daughter wants to be helpful, but she has to work full time. I'd probably have to go during the work week and not the weekend. If my friends were available on the weekend I could ask my daughter and son-in-law to pop in during the day to give Allan his medicine and see that he's okay. But my friends are busy over the weekend...

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2/22/16 8:25 P

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Hello, Pixie...and I can understand why there's no point in spending $600 on glasses in this situation.. Here in this house Allan finds ways to break his glasses, or I should say, knock one of the lenses out of the glasses. I've fixed the one pair over and over. He knocked the lens out of his nicer glasses, and I can't find that missing lens at all. I have no idea what that man did.

The next time he gets glasses I'm going to speak up and say that he needs glasses that are hard to break. He sat on the one pair and bent the earpiece. It's frustrating taking care of a man who has the behavior of a four-year-old.

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