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Hey everyone, 2012 has been changed to 2014, please, use the new thread for posting and this one for review only......................................
......................................
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Michele - Northern Kentucky


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2/11/14 9:12 P
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Oh Irene! You imagine things, too!

I'm cursed with a love of music and a lousy voice. I've taken singing lessons, but the voice simply isn't good. No matter how hard I try, I just don't have it.

But I dream and imagine and make believe. And sometimes I sing in the car where nobody can hear me.

I'm cursed with a love of music, but I can't play an instrument. Because I have Tourette's and ADD/ADHD I have a certain clumsiness that prevents me from being good at things that demand manual dexterity. No matter how hard I tried, I could never get beyond beginner. I just don't have the hands.

When people ask me if I play an instrument, I tell them that I'm a virtuoso on the record player, greatly talented on both the CD player and the old cassette tape player, and I can even play that ancient instrument, the wind-up gramophone. But I haven't learned yet to use that new musical instrument, the MP3 player. That's still beyond me.
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2/11/14 8:58 P
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Oh Susan! I can identify! Sweetie says similar things to me, to take money out of the money can (where I keep his money) and buy myself a present.

That's sweet of your DH! Get yourself some flowers before the price goes up. I'm going to have a look at your blog!
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ReRe, do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT get rid of that coin belt/hip scarf!! Keep it!! Then go to Google and ask for

youtube belly dance instruction

and all sorts of videos will pop up. You'll find a gazillion how to vids and free lessons online. You can have a good time at home for now with youtube until such time as your situation improves. It's not too late and you're not too old. Last fall we had a woman in our class who is older than me, like 75 or 76. She was having such a good time! I hope once this winter is past she will be back.

And you don't have to be skinny to be a belly dancer. Look at the lady on the right:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S52T9Zq2f
YU

And look at this lady! She's good!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VohAxpboJ
As

I'll bet you thought only women are belly dancers. Although a minority, there are guy belly dancers, and they're superb. This fellow is built like a truck driver. I think he used to be a football player:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2mrAfRJZJ
xQ

One video will lead you to others. Youtube is chock-a-block with belly dancing videos, both instruction and performance.

Those hip scarves are wonderful. I love mine, and they make me feel like wiggling and jiggling. Don't give up, ReRe!
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This thread marked 2012 for review only.

Continue posting inder......" 2014...Let's chat "

Michele

Michele - Northern Kentucky


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2/11/14 8:31 P

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I'll have that date changed before mid-night, Really did not realize!

I have a question. With this Cardiac Rehab that I am doing for a follow -up with my MI We were asked to identify just how many hats we were in a day. So far I have come up with 7 hats I wear. With those seven, I'm to develop a Stress Free Environment. I am at the point of " No way" Not with seven. Figure out your number of Hats and give it a try.

Edited by: MICHELE142 at: 2/11/2014 (20:47)
Michele - Northern Kentucky


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2/11/14 7:08 P

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ReRe how about Belly Dance lessons on DVD? I looked on Amazon and they had over 100 of them. Certainly not as effective as in person, but it's a start, right?

www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_sabc?url=
se
arch-alias%3Daps&pageMinusResults=1&R>suo=1392163479302#/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_0_
19
?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-ke
ywords
=belly%20dance%20lessons&spr
efix=belly
+dance+lessons%2Caps%2C1
83&rh=i%3Aaps%
2Ck%3Abelly%20dance%20lessons


Irene, SING ANYWAY! I love singing. I sing in the car when I am driving. People look at me wierd at traffic lights sometimes, but hey, how many are talking on those things stuck out of their ears and driving?

I actually stopped back in to ask a question. The name of this thread starts

2012....

I am wondering if anyone knows how to change that so that new people who join know it's an active thread and not something we left laying around.

Granted the last post date would also tell them that.

I could start a new one, but don't know if anyone other than the team leader could make it sticky so it stays on top.




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2/11/14 6:24 P

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Laurance.....

Thank you for sharing your story. I, too, have wanted to learn to belly dance for a very long time. I think I first had the desire back in the 1980s. A friend once gave me a set of finger cymbals as a birthday gift, because she knew of my desire. Alas, though, I couldn't find anywhere that had classes back then. My kids were teenagers, I was back in school, and I didn't have the time for dance lessons anyway. So, like many of my dreams, I pushed it to the back of my mind and went on with my life.

Around 2005, a new nurse came to work where I was working. She and her small daughter were both students of the dance. My dream immediately popped back into the forefront of my thoughts. Again, I longed to learn. I went so far as to look at a number of teachers online that were in my area. But, my daughter had come back home to live because of her health issues by then, and my life was full of new responsibilities as a caregiver. My co-worker gave me a sort of scarf, with gold coins hanging from it, that you tie around your waist when you dance. When I was moving from Florida to Pennsylvania, I tried to give it back to her. I told her that I doubted if I would ever get to use it because my personal life was not my own. I had, not only my daughter, but my dad to care for now. She insisted, however, I keep it. She said I would have it if the day ever came that I could take lessons.

I look at that scarf every time I open my top dresser drawer. Lately, I'd been wondering if I should send it to the Salvation Army, the next time I take things there. Reading your wonderful story has convinced me to keep it until I can persue my dream. I'm 63 now, so I guess I still have a few years before I have to give it up. You've inspired me! Thank you!

ReRe

They call me ReRe.....

The only way you fail.....
Is if you quit!

Life is too short not to be happy and have a good time!!



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2/11/14 5:54 P

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LOVE LOVE LOVE Gypsy Woman!

I want to learn to ice skate and to go tandem skydiving and perhaps ziplining. None of these will be accomplished until after I am a widow, and I am in NO HURRY for that to happen! So I may just be the 65 year old jumping out of perfectly good airplane someday, you just never know :)

Busy day today, home healthcare worker, then a trip to the grocery store that I hadn't planned on, then a visit from the agency on aging. I forgot to pick up the mail until about a half hour after dinner and still have not done any exercise other than the walking around the grocery store.

Right before the healthcare worker was scheduled to leave dear husband called me over to his chair, put his arm around me and said "Can you do something for me? Take $20 out of my wallet and go buy yourself some flowers for Valentine's Day. But go today before they raise the prices and while you are there can you pick me up some ice cream?"

Now really, how could I say no to that? LOL!

I will post a picture of the flowers on my blog tonight along with the little Valentine Balloon/Candy dish I got him. It has some fruit flavored hard candies in it that he will most likely use like cough drops.

Michelle I hope you are able to get some sleep tonight, gotta watch that blood pressure for sure!

Have a good night everyone!



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2/11/14 3:10 A

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I loved the story of gypsy woman and the belly dancing. Why not? I can't dance but in my imagination I am often a great dancer or a singer,. It's never going to happen but for a while I am someone else , Irene

Irene in Nottinghamshire UK
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2/10/14 11:51 P

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Great job, Laura! It's always been my aim to instill into this younger generation, age is just a matter of mind. Those streaks of white does not mean one is done living. While watching the Alpine skiing, I was wondering if I was Medal material or Purple Heart material. Me I believe it must be the later.

Only problem I'm having these past two nights is having the same recurring dream. Last night I laid awake until 3 this morning, fell asleep and woke up at 7:30 and have been awake since then. Hopefully I can get this straightened out quickly, no sleep is pushing my blood pressure up and out of my upper range. Bad part is I'm not to sure I want to close my eyes.
So I'm putting this day to bed and hoping for a better day on the morrow.

Michele - Northern Kentucky


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2/10/14 9:21 P
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Okey doke, Susan, here's the story of Gypsy Woman and why I am dancing now.

It was back in the mid 1960's, and in those days State College PA was all white-bread. There were no belly dancers here, shucks, there wasn't even a Chinese restaurant yet. I'd heard of belly dancing and I wondered what it was. Some sort of hoochy-coochy dancing, something exotic, something strange and risque and way out there?

My husband and I went to New Jersey to visit my favorite aunt and uncle, and they took us into New York City, that amazing den of wonders, to a cafe where there was belly dancing, since I'd said I was curious.

Ooooh, I'd never seen anything like that before. All these pretty slender young girls wiggling around in those skimpy little nighties and things, wow...

And there was someone else there, a woman, middle aged and pretty tough looking, don't wanna meet her in a dark alley, and she seemed to have some sort of connection with these dancers. She was on the sidelines and kind of seeing what was going on. I noticed this woman and wondered about her and who she was and what her connection with these dancers was.

The evening wore on.

And then the woman vanished.

And then it was time for the dancers to finish. Last dance.

And there she was! That tough looking middle aged woman, now wearing a dancing dress, and oh lordy, could she dance! Oh wow! Holy crow!

Those beautiful young girls couldn't hold a candle to her! That not at all pretty and not at all skinny and not at all young woman out-danced the lot of 'em! Oh my, she was good! My eyes were popping out.

And her costume was more covering up and less revealing. Many dancers do wear those skimpy revealing things, but belly dancers can be more covered up. It's not necessary to be half naked.

Gypsy Woman! That's how I thought of her. The name I gave her when I think of her. Tough, aging, even a bit scary, Gypsy Woman sure had that mojo, that charisma, that energy.

Now, that was in the '60's. I've learned now that the Roma People do not like to be called "Gypsies" and consider that term somewhat similar to the "N" word. So my name, "Gypsy Woman" is outdated and "politically incorrect".

And I have no idea if she was Roma, or Middle Eastern, or who she might have been. For all I know she might have been just plain ol' Mary Jane Smith from Brooklyn, and a belly dance teacher who made up her dance troupe from her students, like my two teachers have been and done.

But she was good! Wow! She was really good, and her dancing inspired me and lit a fire under me. Some time, some time before I die I want to do belly dancing. We left the cafe, and I didn't say anything, but I knew that some day, eventually, some day I wanted to do this.

Because Gypsy Woman showed me that belly dancing is not only for beautiful young girls. She showed me that older women are as good as if not better than those young girls. You don't have to be pretty, you don't have to be thin like a model, you don't have to be gorgeous.

And then when I turned 65 I saw a flyer for belly dance lessons. Oh boy! Yes! Finally! At last I can do what Gypsy Woman inspired me to do!

Now, I was entry-level obese and had just turned 65, but Gypsy Woman had showed me that you don't have to be young and thin and beautiful. And belly dance lessons were, as I said, my gift to myself for turning 65. And I did, as I said, dance at the Hafla several months later. It was a big deal for me. Gypsy Woman, thank you.

And then the Arts Festival that summer. My best friend's husband (I met her in belly dance class) was in the audience, and he said he overheard some older women talking, and how happy they were to see an older (and overweight) woman dancing (Gypsy Woman, I paid it forward - I passed on what you gave me, thank you, Gypsy Woman).

It's seven years or so later now, and now I'm 72. I'm no longer entry-level obese, I'm back and forth on the boundary between entry-level overweight and upper-level normal. I've traded extra weight for extra years.

So Zirconia the Geriatric will be dancing on March 8th.

Who?? Zirconia the Geriatric?

See, my first teacher had a troupe, "The Pearls of the Valley". Since I was dancing at the festival, she considered me one of the Pearls. I said, "Hey, I'm too old to be a Pearl. I'm a Cubic Zirconia among the Pearls!"

I'm with my second teacher now, but I treasure having been part of the Pearls of the Valley back seven years ago. And since some belly dancers like to have these fancy names, I don't mind calling myself Zirconia the Geriatric.

And when I dance at this upcoming Hafla, I'll whisper, "Gypsy Woman, thank you..."


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2/10/14 7:56 A

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Welcome MILESGLORIOUS!

Chris last time I planted onions the rabbits had a banquet. Who knew rabbits liked onions?

I plan on planting lots of annuals this year as I will finally have time to give them the care they deserve. I have lot's of landscaping changes in mind as the new wheelchair ramp has changed the look of our yard and I need to adapt my flower beds around it. Ahhh seed catalogs, I don't have any, may need to send for some to get ideas.


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2/10/14 7:53 A

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No Michele, I was just clarifying.

Laura, belly dancing! It sounds like a blast! DO tell us about Gypsy Woman and I hope you get a chance to have your picture taken (or a video) to share with us.

Last night I had probably the best night's sleep since DH returned home. I was in bed at 9 and he awoke at 9:30. After getting him settled in the living room I went back to bed and slept soundly until the alarm went of at 2:50 for his 3 AM meds/blood sugar/blood pressure tests and breakfast.

We both went back to bed at 3:30 and slept until 6:30. emoticon








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2/9/14 9:16 P

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Believe me you are not alone!

DB is hubby!

I can only say what I was taught to do when working with the elderly either, in an acute hospital setting, nursing home setting or in Home Health. Document, document and document as far as how the family (their family members) treats their parent or perhaps treating an elder family or friend. Does the person complain about one or all, borrowing money and not repaying, Once I found about this I went into documenting mode.

As for the noncompliance, I've documented and informed the doctor. each and every time
My copies are locked up and under password on my laptop.. As you can probably figure
out.... I don't trust his family any more. But that is my situation and how I try an cope with
it. Funny how people you once trusted can do just small things raising doubt as to their trust worthiness.

Edited by: MICHELE142 at: 2/9/2014 (21:18)
Michele - Northern Kentucky


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2/9/14 8:46 P
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What's this, Michele? You already have your hands full being the caregiver, and his family hits on you for money??

What is "DB"?

I have a real fear of being charged with Elder Abuse because I can't force that man to use his sleep apnea machine or his leg machine or his oxygen. I don't know how much the authorities understand taking care of an old person who does not cooperate. Will I serve hard prison time because I couldn't force him him to do the right thing, and I gave up and let him do unhealthy things (like eat greaseburgers from McDonald's and Burger King rather than struggle with him)?

I don't know! I don't know!

All I know is that I don't feel safe.

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2/9/14 8:18 P

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An I'm worried about ballet! Great going.

Michele - Northern Kentucky


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2/9/14 8:11 P

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Susan, my last post was basically me letting of some steam to a problem that some of us have with family members, Sorry if it bothered you. i did not want that. More now than last year I'm getting to the point that his family is only around when they need a helping hand. That is one reason I took over the finances. I got tired of doing without, while they enjoyed living above their means, working and we live or try to live off pensions. Elder abuse is filed under Domestic Abuse/Violence and with in that is Exploitation of the Elder and under Federal jurisdiction.
Can't help it but I would like to file for DB an myself on his family however, I'm just not angry enough to file. So there are times my depression turns to anger.

Michele - Northern Kentucky


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2/9/14 7:28 P
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Okay, fellas and gals...here's what this tired old donkey is doing to keep going on and to keep some interest happening in the midst of all this caregiving.

It's like this. Back when I turned 65 I celebrated by treating myself to belly dancing lessons. (Either I'll tell you about Gypsy Woman in this post, or I'll tell you later in another post, or I'll forget to tell you.)

Six months later I danced at a Hafla, which is a belly dancing party, more than belly dancing lessons, but not the same as an official public performance. Somewhere in between. (As I stepped out to dance, I whispered, "Thank you, Gypsy Woman, wherever you are.")

After I'd been dancing nine months I danced in public at a local Arts Festival. (As I stepped out on to the stage I whispered, "Gypsy Woman, this is for you.")

And I took lessons a while longer, but then circumstances changed and I didn't dance for a couple years. Then I found another belly dancing teacher and started up again.

I was 65 when I started with the first teacher. Now I'm 72. This teacher does have a belly dance troupe who performs in public, and she does perform at the Arts Festival. But it's harder to get in to her troupe, and I don't qualify.

There's going to be a Hafla, for what I suspect is the first time, which gives those of us in her classes a chance to perform in that more informal setting. Whoop-de-doo! This 72-year-old lady will be belly dancing on March 8th! I expect my daughter to be there, and maybe my son-in-law too, if he can get off work.

It will be in the little Coffee Shop here in our little town, between 3 and 5 in the afternoon.

What I would like to do is create a totally new dance. But the reality is that with all this caregiving I'm doing I just don't have the time or structure to do this. I dug out my old CDs and DVDs and will bring back what I did at the Arts Festival.

Now all I need is for some stinkin' medical emergency to NOT happen on March 8th. What I need is for Sweetie to feel well. If he feels well enough he might even be able to come. He didn't see me perform in public all that much. Just a tiny bit once.

That was because seven years ago he was still healthy enough to play music, and while I was dancing on the one stage, he was playing drums on the other stage. But the timing was such that his gig ended before mine, and he came over to our pavilion. I don't know how much of that he saw. He did miss my solo, but I think he saw me as part of the group finishing up.

That was a long time ago....maybe he'll be well enough to come along this time...

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Welcome

MILESGLORIOSUS!


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GOAL: Reduce A1C,BP,tryglicerides,and weight. HOW? By not eating added sugar, using Omega3s, base meals on veggies, water aerobics at least 3X week and using NuStep when I can't get to the pool.

CAREGIVER SUPPORT PLEASE SEE THESE LINKS:
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www.agingcare.com/

30 lbs. gone. Now to work on the next 10 lbs.


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Peas and onions can be planted even if the ground freezes at some point.

Enjoy all those beautiful seed and plant catalogues! chris (under 2 feet of snow and more coming this week)

GOAL: Reduce A1C,BP,tryglicerides,and weight. HOW? By not eating added sugar, using Omega3s, base meals on veggies, water aerobics at least 3X week and using NuStep when I can't get to the pool.

CAREGIVER SUPPORT PLEASE SEE THESE LINKS:
www.caring.com/
www.agingcare.com/

30 lbs. gone. Now to work on the next 10 lbs.


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It's been a good and relaxing day. Dinner was leftover stuffed cabbage, had a chance to connect with one friend, a former co-worker by phone this afternoon and another is coming by tonight to visit.

We got about two inches of snow and my neighbor shoveled before I could get to it. When I went out to get the Sunday paper this afternoon, all I had to do was clean my windshield. The sun was shining and a lot of what fell (at least the new stuff) was melting.

5:53 and just now getting dark out....Spring is coming!



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2/9/14 5:16 P
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It's snowing again, and I find I'm having a lot of trouble dealing with this cold. That's what I get for being an older person, I think.

Tomorrow morning I have to have that ol' Sweetie at the Wound Clinic by 8:30. More of the same ol' stuff. I'd like to get to bed earlier this evening and finish the day.

Now I need to go and try to clean the kitchen.

Nothing really worth reporting right now. I'm just glad you are all here.
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I neither want nor do I need assistance from other family members in caring for my husband. I was merely explaining our situation.


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2/9/14 1:28 A

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Hello on Sunday , what interesting and sad letters we are seeing. Not everyone feels the need to care for parents or partners . The financial side has to be a serious consideration l receive no financial help but fortunately my dh receives a good career pension. If he has to go in a Home our income is taken into consideration , I must admit I haven't looked at that side. My mother was in Home which was entirely free, neither myself or my sister were asked to contribute. Mothers government pension and allowances were taken by the.Home. She had dementia and didn't know where she was or what was going on. There are changes in the system now and family do have to contribute I believe , I should look more into that side ,but I hope it does not come to that,
Re wet pants. He is ok at night and wakes to go to the bathroom
He is on prescribed water pills so needs to go frequently. It is when he is out and there is no immediate toilet facilities he has accidents , so really we don't go out much now . It has to be taken into consideration when we go anywhere . It had become more frequently late and just a local walk often means wet pants . He changes and sees to himself so far,
I hope you all have a calm
Sunday Irene

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It's been a few years since I have read those columns. Do remember a few of the problems being talked about at that time. Also remember when my grandmother started with leaving the gas burners on on the stove and adding double the amount of soap to the clothes washer. Mom contacted her brother leaving in Wisconsin for some help. Dad had found out that in Kentucky the oldest Male child is responsible for their parents. Only if he should be deceased would a sister be responsible. The fact that he lived in Wisconsin was his out for physical care for her but, he still had the financial responsibility. That financial part put one big gap in the families relationship. Sounds like the only thing changed in this is the years.

Well, got the driveway cleared ,car cleared an running. Ready now for the next round tonight of the Arctic Clipper. After this one,there are two more for this coming week. Don't ya just love this Winter. Got a feeling that this Summer will be Hot, Hot, and Hotter!

Night All.

Michele - Northern Kentucky


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Hello, Susan...your post, and Michele's, reminds me of things I read on Ann Landers or Dear Abby years ago. "Dear Abby, our mother needs so much care, but my sister won't do anything" "Dear Ann Landers, I have a sister and two brothers, but none of them will help take care of our father..."

My daughter is an only child. On the one hand I feel guilty (Guilty Mother! Guilty Mother! My daughter and I laugh about that, but it's Gallows Humor - the motherly guilt I feel is no joke) that my daughter is saddled with her Daddy and me (Sweetie is not her daddy). OTOH, if there were siblings, there's no guarantee that they would step in to help with Daddy or me. Dear Ann Landers, Dear Abby, my siblings won't help...

I do help my daughter. But we don't tell Daddy that I'm helping. I don't do it for Daddy. I do it because I don't want my daughter crushed and burdened.

And I don't want my daughter crushed and burdened with me. I'm doing my best to stay healthy, but I'm getting old myself. I sure hope I can get everything in order so she won't be stuck.

Her father-in-law had good sense. He went and moved into an elder residence, and once he gets dependent and helpless he will be moved into their nursing home facility. My son-in-law was puzzled by this. His dad isn't senile or disabled, why did he leave his house and move into this senior residence? Right now the old gentleman is still in his right mind, and he's having a good time and lots of fun with the other old people there, there are lots of activities and interesting things to do. But once he does down the drain, he's taken care of business so his three sons won't be stuck and burdened. My son-in-law will find out that his dad did him and his brothers a favor.

I don't know that I have the same finances, but I want to take care of business so that when the time comes my daughter won't be going crazy with this old mother wearing her down and needing to be watched all the time.

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I know in Carol 's book it says not to argue with someone who has dementia, but what about when their safety is at risk?

Edited by: SUSAN-FIT-N-FAB at: 2/9/2014 (07:14)

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Irene I bought a couple of mattress protector pads as an alternative to dh wearing protective pants. They are washable and if he has an accident it's a lot easier than washing all the bedding.

The noise would get on anyone's nerves. How about some type of squeezable rubber ball or other rubber toy that doesn't make noise or some type of puzzle to keep his hands occupied. I'm thinking like the big puzzles a child would put together with a cardboard backing to place the pieces into?


When you are a caregiver 24/7, I don't think trivial plays into things. Exhausted maybe, trivial, not so much.

Making stuffed cabbage for dinner and will also mix up a meatloaf to put in the freezer since ground round was on sale and I had to buy a larger package than usual.





Edited by: SUSAN-FIT-N-FAB at: 2/9/2014 (07:15)

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A cold night but a better night then I've had for at least a week. Totally heard that alarm this morning for a change. Having a heat way as today is to top out at 24 degrees with no wind chill.

DB was up coughing at least every 1 to 2 hours last night and at times that cough was hard and very wet. Yet after 3 he was sound asleep until around 8 when he started yelling for his hot tea instead of getting up and fixing it as he once did (last week). If your in a room with several people have you noticed, when one person coughs others join in. Looking for a better day today!

In my eyes there is never a problem or question for caregivers that is to small or trivial to bring up for discussion. There may always be someone that has been through the same thing and has an answer.

Have a great day, stay Warm and be Safe!

Michele - Northern Kentucky


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Good night last night, only awakened twice by dh, both times bathroom visits and then back to bed. He's still asleep now :)

Just finished breakfast of peanut butter and banana on whole wheat bread. I need to grocery shop this morning once he is awake and settled.

Hope everyone has a quiet and enjoyable weekend!


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So far so good. The depression has lifted. I did indeed crawl in the closet and hole up last night, but it was for only several minutes, and I took along only one piece of chocolate. Still it felt good. I'd forgotten how good it is to do that.

In her dementia book Carol spoke of how she felt when her dog died, and how she just wanted to stick her head between the mattress and box spring and camp out for a while. I can sure understand that and relate.

But I think today will be a better day.

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Why me? Why not me? Michele, likewise, nobody else is going to do anything. He is totally alienated from his family. His parents are dead, and as for his brothers, well, they wouldn't want to be responsible for him.

But there's one of his brothers and possibly two who might be reconciled with him. Not that they would take over for me, but I think it's possible that the brother next to him in age (Sweetie is the oldest) would be glad to hear from him. There was a time when the family thought he was dead. His dad had died and an acquaintance of Sweetie's went to the viewing and asked if Sweetie would be coming, since she wanted to see us. The brothers told her that Sweetie was dead. She said, "No he isn't. I just talked with him on the phone two weeks ago."

And the brother next to him in age called, and the next time we were in town we went to see him. I think this brother would want to hear from him again. Sweetie dropped back out of sight, and I think this brother, and possibly another one, would like to know he's alive, if not all that well.

But I don't expect anybody to want to step in to help.

As for my daughter, we've talked about what would happen if I die before he does. My daughter is in no position to take care of him, nor do I want to dump that burden on her. Can't be done. (She's got Daddy to look out for, and that's enough.) I want to talk with the nursing home and figure out where Sweetie would be placed in the event anything happened to me.

The Office of the Aging is useless. Totally useless as far as I am concerned. Somebody said I should see if there's a state agency since the county isn't helping. I should call the Alzheimer's Association and ask some questions, I think.

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Hello, Irene...I do not consider your problems trivial at all. But now I wonder if some of us do tend to see things that way. I consider my problems trivial in comparison with those of the other people posting here. Since I'm still not trapped in the house, having to monitor him all the time, I consider my problems insignificant.

And sometimes I beat myself up for complaining.

He does things that drive me nuts, too. But when I hear that M has wet pants from time to time I think that's much harder to deal with than what I deal with. I can understand how frustrating it is for you when M won't wear the pants, because Sweetie won't, oh my, won't do all sorts of things, won't use his sleep apnea machine, won't use the oxygen, only sometimes will use the edema machine.

Does the doctor have anything to say about the repetitive actions? Is there some disease or condition that leads to repetitive noises or actions?

Sweetie is my ex-husband. We were married very briefly back in 1984. It's a long and frankly unpleasant story, long and convoluted and a bad memory. I still have unfinished business, and if he dies before I do, I won't be surprised if that unfinished business pops up and has to be addressed. I don't care to dwell on that past. I did not know about his mental illness in those days, and nobody was bothering to find out what was wrong or what to do.

It was I who had to do the work of figuring out what was going on and how to address the situation. No thanks to Mental Health or anybody who should have been doing their job.

I did the doing and I had success in addressing his mental health issue, and some changes did take place. (I was on an online forum for people who are involved with these mentally ill people, and when I reported my success I got flamed to a cinder. The people in that group had gotten caught up in being the victims of those mentally ill people and didn't want to hear of someone's success.)

His disposition is very sweet now. The neurologist asked about personality changes, and I said, yes, and for the better. I said that some people report their loved on becoming nasty and unpleasant, but in this case it's the opposite.

If he were to revert to the mentally ill person again and go back to the way he was in the Bad Old Days I'd have to have him put somewhere. I don't know that I could go through all that bad stuff again. There's a reason I divorced him.

But now he's like a very sweet child. He looks into my eyes and thanks me for taking care of him and tells me how much he loves me. And although he's uncooperative and non-compliant, he's very loving. It's that lovingness and sweetness that makes this bearable. I tell him that his good devoted love is the carrot on the stick that keeps this little donkey going.

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My problems are trivial compared with some of you. Yes we must see that doctors and anyone relax at has accurate information re the patient,
M is having more wet pants incidents now but won't wear protective pants yet,
He drives me mad with repetitive actions and noise sitting clapping his hands non stop is one. I try to distract him but he goes back to it, I looked up fidget toys and there are some but mainly geared to autistic children, I what something silent that an adult could fiddle and fidget with?
Laurance I have to ask , what makes your .sweeties carer? Not husband or parent , so is it love, friendship or a relationship! ? Has he other family ? Must get moving now. Irene

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2/7/14 9:28 P

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"Why Me?"

"Why Not Me?" That one is easy...because no one else in his family will do it. Actually, in my case it answers both.

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Hi, Susan...It's Carol who does that music therapy. Sweetie's drums were all set up, which was a major nuisance for me because that big drum set takes up a lot of room. I didn't buy this house for Sweetie and his drums. I bought it for me with the intention of living alone, and once I found myself accommodating Sweetie and his stuff I've had to postpone my own things. He had those drums set up in the little living room, and I had difficulty walking through the room, those drums took up so much space. I was afraid he'd want to set them up in my studio and take that space over. He's already taken over my own music room. I didn't buy this house with that intention.

So the drums sat there and sat there and sat there. Do you think he actually played them? Only once one morning when his musician friend came over for a little while, and that was a long time ago. Those drums just gathered dust.

It was some two and a half years ago (not three and a half?) when he last played.

And now that his wrist is broken and damaged he'll never have what he had before.

My daughter and I finally took that drum set down and put them upstairs to store for him. The bass drum and cymbals are in my studio because I didn't want to haul those heavy things upstairs. He says he wants to sell the drums, and I sure don't want to haul that heavy bass drum back down if he has a buyer, and upstairs again if the buyer decides he doesn't want them.

I will be very unhappy if the doctor decides he should set those drums up again. He's so non-compliant and non-cooperative, he doesn't use the things he asks for or agrees to have and use.

Now my living room is really nice. I moved the computer in here and I've made a nice space. If I have to give up this room for those stinkin' drums again, I'll feel very bad. It would be another matter if he'd actually play the drums, but I will frankly resent it if those drums just gather dust while I am unable to use that room.

A little while ago he was kind of paranoid. He asked me if I'm trying to put him away. He was all bollixed up (once again) about whether it was morning or evening and thought it was yesterday rather than today that we were at the doctor. He was bothered because I had to contradict him at the doctor's.

I explained that I'm not trying to get rid of him. Rather, I want the doctor to have accurate information so that she can do what needs to be done. I promised him (and I will keep this promise) that I will explain to doctors that when I contradict him I'm not trying to get rid of him. I'm want to be sure that the doctor has accurate information.

And then he was going on about moving to a warm climate. I am NOT going to sell my house for him and move away (at my age, away from my daughter) for him, knowing that wherever I'd take him, he'd find fault and have the same ol' problems.

I'm tired! I'm tired! My head is tired! Today I'm burning out.

Now I'm back to feeling depressed again. I really want this day to be over. I gotta tell you, crawling into the closet with a box of chocolates looks pretty good. But I won't do that. I'll sit here instead and know that this little team is here. It's important to hear from the active posters on this team. You're there, and you understand because you are doing these things, too.

Or maybe I will crawl into the closet for just a little while with just one or two chocolates....I remember when I was a very little kid back in the 1940's I'd crawl into the space between the bookcase and the wall, and I felt safe. And sometimes I'd crawl under the studio couch. It was good to do that. And there was a swell storage space I'd hide out in...

Yes, I want a hidey-hole! I want to crawl in the hole and pull the hole in after me....I'm going to do that for a little while.

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It has been a good afternoon. I decided to crank up some workout music and hop on the exercise bike. Fifteen minutes at 16 MPH to keep up with the tempo of the music lifted my spirits immensely.

DH has asked if he can stay in the living room chair until my bedtime. He says if he falls asleep not to wake him until my bedtime but he's hoping this will help him sleep longer through the night which will allow me to get better sleep as well. I am open to trying.

Laura I am not sure if it was Carol's book, or if was Chicken Soup for the Caregivers Soul that talked about music and dementia. Sometimes dementia patients have great cognition of music when most other facets of memory are gone. So maybe it is time for Ol Sweetie to play the drums one more time?




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We did get to the doctor, and she seems more thorough than that idiot doctor. She's looking into ordering a test via the cardiologist to see why Sweetie falls. And she's looking into having another psychology test. One was done over two years ago, and she agrees that if there is another test we may see changes.

Her nurse gave the standard cognition test. When she asked Sweetie for the date, he looked at his watch which tells the day and date. So he had no problem knowing at that moment. I quickly pointed out that this was not a test if he could look at the answer.

When the neurologist looked at those results she said his cognition wasn't bad. I pointed out that he'd looked at his watch, and she said that what the nurse was supposed to do was count that response as an incorrect answer. She looked and saw that the nurse had failed to note that, and said that this changes the cognition test result.

While I do feel better about this neurologist and have some hope that we may eventually get somewhere, I came away feeling severely depressed. I absolutely HATE to have to correct Sweetie. I hate to have to invalidate him and show he's wrong. I hate to do that! He'd perked up in the presence of a nice new doctor, and seemed better than he is at home with me.

He told her he's playing his drums daily. I was feeling so crummy, I couldn't bring myself to contradict him and tell the doctor he hasn't played music in over two and a half years. I was so sick of being the Negative Nanny.

All I wanted to do this afternoon was crawl into the closet with a great big bunch of fattening food and close the door and eat. But I gained weight this week, and I can't afford to get fat again. It is just too unhealthy, and I don't want to end up like ol' Sweetie.

I did take a nap, and I got up feeling awful. But I came down to the kitchen and straightened up some of the clutter, and that helped my mood somewhat.

I also think I'm having a problem with all this cold. Now that I'm old, I can't manage extreme temperatures any more. And I promise you, come July when it's 98 degrees and 100% humidity, you'll hear me fussing and complaining and having a problem. Spring and fall for me!

Now I have to go up and see how that uncooperative old man is doing.
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Hello, Michele..when the words, "Why me?" come up, the answer also comes up. "Why not me?"
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Gosh Michele, was it Friday the 13th?

Yesterday I posted about baking a cake and amazed he slept through the process. My mistake. He woke up right after I finished the post, then back to bed at 10, up at 11, back at 12, up at 2, back at 3:30 and slept until 8.

I definitely relate to sleep depravity as when he's up, I am up. I did sleep until 8 on that last stint and it felt good to actually fall into a deeper sleep. I get 7-8 hours, if you add up all the little chunks.

Since he awoke before the pudding/bananas/cool whip went on the cake, saw a cake cooling on the counter and wanted some NOW, it ended up just getting cool whip on top.

He's snoring peacefully in his chair, sitting up with TV on. He was in a bit of a mood earlier which I have to agree with as we are now on home healthcare worker #7 in less than 3 months! The agency on aging hired a placement service who seems to do a lousy job at keeping employees! I am supposed to be able to leave when the worker is here and get things done. Instead I have to stay and retrain new ones constantly. This one seems very friendly, is afraid of cats, of which I have two! I have assured her they do not bite and really will only be interested if she were to offer them some food. We'll see how it goes.

One luxury I do allow myself, because it is covered, is to have the healthcare worker sweep and mop the kitchen and bathroom floors with the Swiffer Wet Jet. He complains that she is doing "my" work. I view it as she's getting paid to do something more than shave you and watch you sleep for two hours.

She just finished the kitchen and I can look over and see and smell the cleanliness, at least until his next snack raid to the kitchen when he will manage to drop something else on the floor. Ah well, food doesn't stay long on the floor with two cats in the house, other than potato chips which they will not eat. Those sweep up pretty easy.

Laura I do hope this new round of tests gives you some more definite answers. NONE of our husbands/sweeties has normal cognition! Are the daily weigh ins because of the edema? If so you may be able to eliminate them once he starts using the machine a little more frequently. As for sugar, dear husband knows he needs to test each morning so when he awakes mid morning the only thing he will have is diet pop. The doctor tends to rely more on his A1C tests than the daily tests anyway. We also check his blood pressure every morning with a wrist cuff monitor that I purchased with points from my credit card. He has pernicious anemia and could risk having BP go too low in which case I am to push him to drink more Gatorade. Lately that has not been an issue.

On the SparkPeople side of things, I'm not happy with what the scale said this morning, which is that I stayed the same. I have been within calorie range and getting lots of exercise plus the snow shoveling. I do need to remind myself that this is normal and will probably see a loss next week. My body just wants a rest this week I think. Plus, I had taco soup yesterday which tasted salty, which definitely means I had lots of sodium. I don't normally add salt to things.




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After I had the spell through the night around 8 days ago, DB was doing more than he usually did, which helped me get some time to myself. This week he is back to wanting things for him once again.

Your term of "Vascular Dementia", and how you describe his actions in some ways describes DB's diagnosis of "Dementia 2nd to Anemia". Meaning he is not getting enough oxygen to the brain because the Vascular System is not able to carry that oxygen to the brain. Yet, there are somethings he does and says that does not follow that diagnosis of his.

Like you and all Caregivers, I'm tired, confused and at present upset with the Insurance Companies and The Affordable Care Act. Then add the cost of food, gas and medicines, I can only come up with just two words, " Why Me "..

Once DB settles in for the night, I May find time for myself. Time to do what I want to do and not what he wants me to do. If I'm lucky I may be able to get 7 hours of sleep. More than likely I'll be up as he is, every two hours. Then I'm irritable and sharp that day. Each day anymore is just a vicious cycle. I always remember what I agreed to 27 years ago the 13th of November....." for better or for worse". I fully know that those words have not and will not be given by DB to me.

Guess I really needed to get all that out. May your day be better than Mine!

Edited by: MICHELE142 at: 2/7/2014 (09:33)
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Thanks for asking, Michelle...we see the neurologist this morning at 11. I hope this one is decent and knows what she's doing, unlike that bonehead we were seeing before. I really need a doctor who can tell us more, who can perhaps give a more accurate diagnosis.

The bonehead first said it was vascular dementia. But then he forgot - he forgot even though he's not an old man who would be forgetful - he forgot he'd made a diagnosis and shocked me by telling me that Sweetie has normal cognition. (He also forgot a test that Sweetie had had, even though his receptionist out at the desk knew about it.)

Huh?? Say what?? There's nothing normal at all here! When I told my daughter what that idiot doctor had said, she was astounded. It's painfully obvious that Sweetie has dementia, unable to remember what he's heard, asking the same questions over and over. Sweetie is disabled now and simply cannot function alone. He absolutely has to have a caregiver all the time (well, I can go out and shop or go to book club or to Jazzercise or Curves and be away for a while) to see that he gets his medicine, gets to the doctor - he can't remember when he has an appointment - gets his daily needs attended to - jeepers criminy! This is NOT normal cognition!

As for how this old geezer is doing at night, well, for him night and day are the same. Watch TV, sleep, wake up, go to the kitchen and raid the fridge, watch more TV, up and down, awake, asleep, TV, eat and eat again....

It means I can't get any sort of accurate fasting glucose level or accurate morning weight. I really hate to have to do these things. I hit the deck, and even before I'm properly awake I have to get him on the scale, which is not going to be accurate because of what he's eaten during the night and what he's wearing, which may be anything from underwear to fully dressed with shoes on. I tried to get him to weigh in with the same things every morning, but I can't make him do that without severe stress for me. And then I have to test his blood sugar, which can be anything depending on when or what he ate.

I'm going to plead with the doctors to let me not have to do this. I'm not even awake yet when I have to do these things. Every morning when I open my eyes I'm not happy to start a new day. I feel the burden of having to get out of my warm bed and immediately start hustling even before I've had my coffee.

Yes, I'm whining right now. I know. I'm fussing and complaining this morning. I feel rather heavily depressed today. But I know that one bad day doesn't mean all days will be bad.
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Susan tonight an tomorrow night are WC is to be a -17 an regular temp both days in the lower 20s. Glad to here Spring Training is just around the corner, getting tired of the less sports on the channels. Need to get back in the swing of things.

Laura... was going to ask you if you had been to the Neurologist yet. How is Ol' Sweetie doing at night, better I hope.

It's getting late and I'm hoping to manage to watch Jay Leno for the last time. So, have my snack, will finish Sparkin' and hope I can stay awake till Leno's over.

Stay warm, slept well.

Michele - Northern Kentucky


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I'm really tired now. The weather was sunny today, thank goodness, and after yesterday's ugly weather the roads have been cleared enough. I had to take Sweetie an hour away to a hospital for a test. The actual test took only fifteen minutes. And a week from today we go back to that hospital to see the doctor and find out what this test reveals.

Tomorrow we go to the neurologist. I'll miss my book club, but I hope we'll find some useful things out.

I did read all your posts. But right now my brains are kind of fried. I want to go to bed now.
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Oh my gosh, Susan, thanks for that wonderful funny story! GG Katy took the words literally! I should remember that. There could come a time when I say something and ol' Sweetie takes it literally.
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Ah Michele, the Polar Clipper is here tonight as well, going to -25 wind chills again **SIGH** but Spring Training for baseball is just a week away emoticon ...so there is hope!

Baking a cake for dear husband, it's cooling now and the whole house smells like chocolate. He has snored through the entire process and will probably wake up right after it's finished and want a piece LOL!

I haven't baked cake for him in about 3 months and am getting tired of daily trips to the store for snack cakes. Mine is healthier for him as I use skim milk instead of water and oil and egg whites instead of whole eggs. My sneaky way of getting a little more calcium into him. This should hold him at least a couple days!

This morning he decided to be concerned about my blood pressure, says I worry to much. Really? And why do you think that is? I used the opportunity to explain I am stressed about him and that he needs to follow doctors' orders a little more. He's been a sweetheart all day. I know that won't last, so I'm enjoying it for now.

The funny thing is, my blood pressure is under control. I faithfully take my meds and the weight loss and exercise are helping.

Off to add chocolate pudding, bananas and cool whip to the cooled cake now. May as well give him even more milk and fruit to go with all that chocolate!

Have a good night!


Edited by: SUSAN-FIT-N-FAB at: 2/6/2014 (20:28)

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Afternoon to another Polar clipper day. We did get snow last night but, only enough to cover the car, driveway and grass. However, now it is just about gone as the Sun is out. More heading in once again tonight. Actually if you look at the weather map for this area, it is snow all this week an next week as well.

Susan, that story was a reminder of DB's mother. For Mother's Day one year DB bought his mother a dozen Red artificial Roses. Every-time we visited her after that she would praise DB for remember her on Mother's Day. She faithfully watered those roses and would sun them as she could. Shortly after that she was diagnoses with Alzheimer's. If have met only one other person in my career that had the same demeanor.

Have a great day today! Be Safe and watch your step once outside as well as inside.

Michele - Northern Kentucky


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A bit of humor to lighten our day. This is a true story.

My Grandmother, a very God fearing Christian woman, played the piano at church and taught Sunday School. She was also tasked with being caregiver in the early 1960's to my Great Grandmother (her mother). I was 3 when Great Grandma died so this story was passed down to me by my older sisters.

GG Katy loved to water her flowers everyday. They were so beautiful! She never seemed to grasp they were articifial plastic flowers and no one told her otherwise. It was a harmless diversion in her later years.

Another diversion, not so harmless, was that she would occasionally become confused and accuse people of stealing things. One day she accused Grandma of stealing her red change purse. They were apparently having a rough day and Grandma had put the change purse away to keep it safe.

In exasperation Grandma, the God fearing Christian woman, had a melt down as we all sometimes do and said "Here's your change purse. Take your money and shove it up your a**!

That night GG Katy's change purse was missing, once again. They looked high and low to no avail, until they were getting ready for bed. GG Katy, had in fact, done just as Grandma ordered, and the change purse was found in her panties.

I hope I never get so frustrated that I cause dear husband to do something that drastic, but like Carol says in her book, sometimes, you just have to laugh it off.




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Morning!

We ended up with about 8 inches of snow that my wonderful neighbor shoveled for us. He even did the wheelchair ramp. All I had to do was clean off my car, and then shovel up the snow I had cleaned off of it.

Dear husband has been bugging me since sunrise to go to the store and get his snacks....the store doesn't open for another 30 minutes, but he's been at it since 6:45 AM! He says "I want you to go early to avoid the snow later". We are due for a dusting of snow around 1 PM, I think I'm safe to wait a few more minutes, Bless his heart!


At least yesterday he didn't bug me to go out. He knew better for once LOL!

All my morning cleaning duties are done, laundry is in the dryer, dinner will be leftovers from yesterday. I made sloppy joes. Today I'm going to have mine over a baked potato and topped with a slice of 2% cheese instead of on bread. It just feels like one of those comfort food days.

Stay warm, safe and breathe in, breathe out, relax,OOOHHHHMMMMMM, yes we can do it!




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2/6/14 2:49 A

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Hi on Thursday morning, I hope you are all keeping warm and calm! I struggle with latter one ,
At times we have to say no to unreasonable demands , if we don't care for ourselves who will? I did ask M to help me more as I am struggling to walk at present. Yes of course, I am sure he means it at the time but forgets soon after, I get annoyed with him
. Then think he can't help it , it's hard as we all know but what's the choice? Take care .irene

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Disorderly difficult day today. I read your posts and I wanted to answer each personally, but I'll have to wait for tomorrow. It's the end of the day. I hope I can get more written to all of you tomorrow.

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Michele, No don't go out. It is way too dangerous. We have over a foot of heavy snow and nearby they have that and now freezing rain. I just canceled a vet appt. Stay inside .

Hope everyone has a good day. chris

GOAL: Reduce A1C,BP,tryglicerides,and weight. HOW? By not eating added sugar, using Omega3s, base meals on veggies, water aerobics at least 3X week and using NuStep when I can't get to the pool.

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Morning...the outside looks like a frozen Wonder Land. Fortunately, this area had no power outages thru the night. Its 31 degrees F at present with a mid mph wind, snow plows have been out for the last 3 hours. Our driveway is a solid sheet of ice, and will probably stay that way till his son or the neighbor clears it or the sun decides to appear.

DH was up at 4:30 this morning wanting me to run to the store and get something for him to eat. Asked him to look out side. Then asked him what did he see. His answer was "it's all white". Told him that he was looking at snow with ice on top. "So", he said. Not going anywhere till all that was gone, I said. Back to bed he stomped and slept for 4 more hours. Got up, had his tea, looked out the door. He commented that the neighbor had not gone to work and that our car and the neighbor's truck was all white and shinny. Not another word has he said about going out and to the store. It is however frigid in side this house. Meaning, I'll have time to myself as DH is mad.

Have a great day, stay warm and if you must go out, be Safe.

Michele - Northern Kentucky


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2/5/14 9:32 A

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Irene I hope the ankle heals soon, it's already been awhile for you.

Laura I hope today finds you feeling a little more chipper.

It is blowing snow out there today with a total of 3-6 inches expected. The plow has already gone through twice and I will wait until it all stops sometime this afternoon before even attempting to venture out. If my neighbor wants to shovel the snow for me before then, God Bless him! If not, I will drag out the snowblower.

This morning dear husband asked me to help him with his therapy exercises and I noticed his little green exercise band is laying on the table next to his chair. I had put it inside the table the last time I cleaned the living room. FINALLY the man is choosing to exercise....wooo hooo!!!!!

All I can do is lead by example. Preaching about things never works with him.

ReRe is this injury one that would qualify you for social security disability, or just disability from work?

Hope everyone stays safe, warm and dry as possible.

Susan


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Spent an hour before Dinner bedding down the car, so ice does not freeze those doors. Spent that time spraying Pam around the rubbers around the cars doors. Salt around the cars and
a full tank of gas. Now there is a couple of inches of snow out there with ice on top as we are getting a mix of rain and ice. All schools through out Northern KY are closed or have a 2 hour delay. .......... To night is not safe for Man or Beast to be outside. ..........

I did mention to DH to slow down on his snacks as I would not be going out for at least a couple of days. Did he hear me, yes he did. Has he slowed down, of course not. DH has been doing some light house work without be asked to help. He even did the laundry for a change.
It would be great, if tomorrow he would be just as helpful.

Time for bed, my tomorrow be a better one.



Edited by: MICHELE142 at: 2/4/2014 (23:50)
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2/4/14 10:33 P

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Hi Everyone....

Sorry to hear you sprained your ankle, Irene. Hope you're feeling better soon. I know how difficult it is to be "caring" when you're in pain yourself.

Laurance, it might be the weather adding to the other stressors in your life, getting you down. Hang in. It will pass, hopefully. If not, you might want to talk to your doctor. I had to go on an anti-depressant. It's made a hugh difference for me and I'm glad I did it. There's no shame in it. Being a caregiver 24/7 is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life and it's easy to get depressed. It's great to have things like the "Caregivers Bill of Rights", but not always easy to impliment them.

Well, I received my warning e-mail at work today, informing me I'm half way through the "Return to Work" program. I have 3 months to either return to the bed-side or find another position. Since my arm hasn't improved much, going back to bedside nursing isn't an option. I've been looking for another position, but since I have to work at night, because of my family reponsibilities, there aren't many options. I found one position which I've applied for, but that's it. I've been approved for disability, but it's only 2/3rds of my pay, and I don't know if I can make it on that. I may not have a choice, however. I'm starting to feel a little pressured, but what can I do? Just gotta have faith.

Nothing else going on right now, thank God. We're supposed to get hit with an ice storm tonight and 3-5 inches of snow tomorrow. Hopefully it won't be too bad driving when I leave work at 5:30am. I have an hour drive home.

ReRe

They call me ReRe.....

The only way you fail.....
Is if you quit!

Life is too short not to be happy and have a good time!!



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Oh, look at the time! I have to stop now. Please, dear people, don't go away!

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Irene, I am sorry to hear about your ankle problem. I hope after resting it is better. Getting care giver help is so difficult. Little by little I have been increasing the help we get. I pay for these myself. I have a cleaning person every 2 weeks , an aide to get my husband up 6 days a week, and I just added an afternoon aide twice a week to do his hair, nails, brush teeth, physical therapy exercises, etc.

God bless you and provide for added help, chris

GOAL: Reduce A1C,BP,tryglicerides,and weight. HOW? By not eating added sugar, using Omega3s, base meals on veggies, water aerobics at least 3X week and using NuStep when I can't get to the pool.

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www.caring.com/
www.agingcare.com/

30 lbs. gone. Now to work on the next 10 lbs.


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This has been a bad day. Severe depression all day.

Yes, that song applies. He ain't heavy, he's my Brother/Sweetheart/hubby/significant and important person.

Don't mind me, I've been majorly depressed all day. No real reason, nothing bad happened. I guess the burden of caregiving caught up with me today and sent me into a tailspin.

And tomorrow is a new day. I hope tomorrow will be better and back to normal.

He weighs a ton, that fat guy who won't cooperate. He ain't heavy, he's that really Important Person whom I love. I'm tired now, really tired, and I want my nice warm bath and my bed.

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I visited the local dementia care home yesterday just to donate a large box chocolates I didn't want, I was impressed with what I saw, it was warm pleasant , happy looking patients with one to one care , I can arrange for my husband to go to there one day a week but he would hate it and not ready for it yet.
There is a memory clinic in the next town where patients and carers go once a month for tea cakes and chat. I didn't mind that but when we were all asked to stand around a parachute and flap it up and down I thought ii am out of here , again M would have hated it and so would I ,
Most times I can cope but now I have a sprained ankle , I need help but he just can't see that, he will help if I ask but sits watching me struggle to carry a tray of drinks and never thinks to take it off me . I was a bit down last evening over how I felt and wanted some sympathy and practical help , I took myself to bed early to try to get my ankle comfortable there,
I looked up carers allowances , I can not get any help that way, I thought if it paid for my house cleaners it would help ,but no chance, this is in UK do you get an allowance!
Bye again I am up in the night.i took half a sleeping pill so must let it do it's work now , Irene

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caregiver.com/magazine/digital/careg
iv
er_jan_feb14/#?page=20


This free online magazine had an interesting article about caregiver fatigue that includes some resources on page 23.

I do see a lot of caregiver support groups in my area. The problem being, I cannot attend an in person meeting unless I drag him along. I am therefore relying on the internet to find solutions where I can, and share with others along the way.


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Yes those alarms are available Michele. At the nursing home they had them on the beds and wheelchairs, battery operated. They would "arm" when you got in the bed or chair, and sound the alarm when you tried to get out.

I don't know how much they cost, would have to google them to find out for sure.

Trying to stay up later tonight to watch season finale of Biggest Loser. I like all 3 finalists, curious to see who it will be. Some of my Facebook friends who are former contestants have posted pics of themselves with other BL alumni throughout the day today.

Our Winter storm warning is on from tonight through noon tomorrow for another 3-6 inches of snow. I had called our City this morning about the many MANY potholes on our street and was told "it's listed as a program for April"....APRIL!!!! is too far away! I suggested they maybe do something temporary as the potholes have gotten so bad you cannot avoid hitting them. If you swerve to miss one, you will hit two others. There is not another road to use to leave our mobile home park so our only other choice is going to be to drive on the shoulder of the road and hope we don't get stuck in the snow.

Sure hope they do a temporary patch before April!




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Surely someone, in the health care field by now has invented a motion alarm for beds within home health situations. If the Hillron Company and others can put a motion Alarm in a hospital bed and have a second small device for a chair or recliner, for hospital use it can be done for the home. Who knows, it may have already been done. The hospitals in Northern KY are turning those alarms on the beds an chairs for anyone age 60 or over or anyone they don't want moving on their own. If you can get your hands on a Home Health Catalog you may be able to find the answer.

Have a great Day!

Edited by: MICHELE142 at: 2/4/2014 (14:57)
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Well Irene he's certainly helping you get your 5 servings of fruits and veggies and quite an assortment at that! I wish we had an online grocery delivery service here. Amazon just started one in San Francisco and New York City, we'll see if they expand the market.

Laura does he have a bed assist rail so that he can maybe hold on with one hand while he's sitting on the edge of the bed? He isn't going to change his pattern because in his world he's probably sat that way for years.

We are the CARE in caregivers, I absolutely agree with that. Hopefully someone just as caring will take care of us someday if we need it.

When I read your post last night I was going to suggest velcro pajamas so you could glue him to the bed :)




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I love that song He ain't heavy he's my brother, yes it could be our them song. Annoying as our patients can be we do our best became we care
I had told you I wanted a melon and M bought me a head of celery . He tried again yesterday he went to our f and v small local shop on his own and came back with a pineapple! That's what you wanted isn't it ? ! Not really but it is lovely thank you. I ordered a melon with my online food delivery coming tomorrow . Irene emoticon

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The answer to your question is as easy as pie .... because you CARE! We can rant an rave minute by minute, an at the same time do what we know will make that person laugh or smile.

It is not ease being a caregiver there seems to be a sacrifice we must make around every corner. Yet, we continue to CARE. An in many cases will continue to CARE, that's why we are with them.

We all know that Tomorrow is never promised, so we must make the best of each day. We need to end each day knowing that we have done the best we could. So lets close this day and hope for a better day tomorrow.

Michele - Northern Kentucky


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2/3/14 8:58 P
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Oh jeez! I was hoping this wouldn't happen since his blood pressure medicine was eliminated. I'll have to tell the nurse who asked today next time I see her.

A few minutes ago I heard a crashing sound from upstairs. It's happened again. Sweetie has blacked out again and slid off the side of his bed and has fallen on the floor, knocking some things from the table on his way down.

No injury, I'm glad to report.

There's a chair in his room!! I'd put a chair there, but then my daughter and son-in-law brought over an even more suitable one. The suitable chair is in his room, and the other one is now in the kitchen.

The bedroom chair will allow him to be leaning somewhat backwards, so if he blacks out, he won't fall forward and off. There are arms on this chair to keep him from toppling off sideways.

Do you think that pain-in-the-butt old geezer will sit in his chair? Huh? You think?

No. He still sits there on the side of the bed where he will slide off (he's worn the side of the bed down with his weight sitting there a good bit of the day). He tosses dirty clothes on to the chair and uses it as a laundry hamper.

I'm tired! I'm tired! I'm tired with all this stupid nonsense! He doesn't cooperate! He won't use his chair! He won't use his machines! He's non-compliant! I'm worn out!

Ummm...did I say, "He ain't heavy, he's my Sweetheart"? I do think I did. This old f@rt weighs a ton, and carrying him is a serious no joke burden. But at the same time he ain't heavy, he's my Sweetheart. But that fat guy is a load to hold up....but still he ain't heavy, he's my Sweetheart...

And so now I'm going upstairs to get my bath, and I'm calling it a day.

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2/3/14 8:32 P
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Now I'm feeling weird and kind of weepy. A choo-choo train of thought went through my mind, and I thought of the Boys' Town motto, "He ain't heavy, he's my brother", and I saw/was reminded that there's been a song of that title.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYzfTdIZo
P0

I played this video. Is Sweetie heavy or not? In many ways, yes, he's an awful burden. He needs and needs and does not cooperate, and he wears me out.

But in other ways, No. He ain't heavy, he's my Sweetheart.

Don't ask me why I'm a caregiver...I have no answer really...

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2/3/14 7:50 P
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We got snow, but it wasn't all that deep. Just messy and slippy. Sweetie and I were saying that when we were young they didn't close the schools. We just put on our boots and went slogging through the snow and arrived at school with snow in our boots. And then we'd get that snow all over the floor while taking off our boots and snow suits.

And at the end of the day we'd put those snow suits back on and get back into those boots and head home.

They closed the schools here. It's just not deep at all....

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2/3/14 2:46 P

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The sun has been melting a lot of the ice today, more snow tomorrow. I am noticing more minutes of daylight each day.

Irene let me know how you like Pinterest. I have not joined yet.


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2/3/14 11:56 A

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Picked up abt an 1 1/2 inch of snow through the night. No schools off today in this area, roads must be passable. More of that white stuff due in here to night so will pick up a few basics before the event happens. This morning has been quiet, DB up around 5 then napped till 10 and all is well.

Have a great day and will catch U all later,

Michele - Northern Kentucky


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2/3/14 11:22 A

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Thanks Susan lots of ideas there , I joined Pintrest nice there's a new world to explore ! Irene

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2/3/14 11:01 A

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Irene here's a few ideas. www.pinterest.com/dmblabbit/fidget-t
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ngs/
Educators and trainers of adults use "fidget kits" to help occupy our hands so that we can focus our minds on the task at hand.

Having a lazy day today. DH invited me to join him in a nap around 7:30 AM and we slept almost 3 hours. It felt good! Other than everyday housekeeping I have no major projects planned. I will do a light dumbbell and leg exercise routine.

The sun is shining and I will get out somewhere to buy more ice melter today. What I chipped yesterday is already starting to freeze over and we have more snow coming tomorrow and Wednesday. BBQ groundhog anyone?

Michele I have some ribs in the freezer that I was thinking about using the crockpot for. Thanks for the idea! Today we will have turkey from yesterday and most likely finish it up at lunch tomorrow.

Have a lovely day!






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2/3/14 2:31 A

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Good morning on Monday , has anyone any tips on a patient with restless hands! I do not mean that in a nasty as but my husbands hands or are constantly moving usually making noises . He sits clapping his hands when tv is on. I tolerate it as long as I can then I ask him can he please stop! He does for a minute then starts again, he loves the movement and the noise,I and thinking of something like silent worry beads? Irene

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2/2/14 10:38 P

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Used beef ribs this time, got the recipe here on Spark. Had 3 pounds in there and no left overs. Was counting on those left overs for another Dinner this week. I have also done meat loaf in the crock-pot and that is not bad either. Spark has a bunch of recipes for slow cooker or crock-pot. They are worth a try.

Your hubby went to sleep in the 1st quarter and DB went at half time. I listened to the first half and that was it for the second half. Never known the Broncs to not score that much in a long time. An as the saying goes there is always next year!

Slept tight and be Safe!




Michele - Northern Kentucky


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2/2/14 9:31 P

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Laura I lived South of Pittsburgh and have a friend who actually lived in Punxatawny, but I was only 14 when we moved to Michigan and have never been there in person.

Husband went to bed at end of first quarter of Super bowl and I turned off the tv. I chipped and shoveled the ice on our sidewalks for an hour today and my body is tired, laying in bed now typing on my Kindle. We had half inch thick ice on our front sidewalk this morning. Ice melter just made holes in it so I had to break it up with a hammer and then shovel it....heavy stuff!

I never did get around to pampering myself, will do it tomorrow

Michele tell us more about BBQing in the crock pot.

Yay for ok sweetie cleaning up!


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2/2/14 9:19 P
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Hi, Susan...and since it's Groundhog Day I'm thinking you lived not all that far from Punxy, did you? If this ol' Sweetie weren't so old (at only age 63) and sick, I'd like to go with him to Punxutawney and enjoy the February Groundhog festivities. (That actual groundhog must be treated like a pet. I sure hope so, that the groundhog is not subjected to animal abuse...)

Of course it's six more weeks of winter, no matter what the whistle pig does. It's six weeks till the Vernal Equinox...

Yes, I'm all for a Girls' Pampering Day. That's why I want to go to my book clubs and get together with my best friend. Today I met up with my best friend, and we met earlier than usual at Panera and had breakfast instead of a 2 PM lunch.

I do take my Personal Day Things seriously. I need to socialize to keep sane. As ol' Sweetie becomes more disabled and forgetful, I become more insistent that if I am to be a caregiver, I have needs, too, and some of those things need to be met. If you enslave me too much, I'll break down and then nobody gets taken care of.

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