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FATTOO Posts: 150
3/22/07 8:59 P

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JADORA,,I told FRANCEAISE this is really a blond
joke. haha...(your friend didn't get it) When I was
blond, people seem to take my dizzy dah attitude
as if, "What do you expect from a Blond" It was
like the expected DUMB.......I went back to being a Red head and now they have RED JOKES. Oh well, your
friend need to join us and we can teach her how
to get it.

"GET OVER IT"


 
JADORA's Photo JADORA Posts: 39
3/22/07 12:55 P

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FILLEFRANCAISE HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I just told your redheaded joke to my redheaded friend, and she DID NOT GET IT!!!!!

I wish someone would do something about how fat I am


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FATTOO Posts: 150
3/18/07 6:30 P

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I am so happy some people offer their services
for free.

"GET OVER IT"


 
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FATTOO Posts: 150
3/18/07 6:21 P

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Love the Red Joke!....Are you sure that wasn't a Blond joke?.....I have a daughter-in-law that that
fits to a tee and she is Blond. By the way , I really
like her.It is probably because we have something
in common, you think?

"GET OVER IT"


 
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FILLEFRANCAISE's Photo FILLEFRANCAISE Posts: 2,643
3/18/07 4:16 P

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FATTOO,
Here's a non-blonde joke, just for you....

There are three women friends on vacation in Central America. One is blonde, one is brunette and one is red-headed.
They are arrested and thrown into the local prison. The head honcho comes into their cell and says, "tomorrow you will be executed".
The women are crying and shivvering with horror! "What are we going to do!!!"

Then a priest came to visit the condemned women. He said "You've done nothing. These people are very superstitous and do not like strangers. Also, because of their superstitions, you can escape death tomorrow."
"When you are put in front of the firing squad, you just yell that there's a natural catastrophe coming -- they'll all drop their arms and go running home to save their families."
The women were greatly relieved and felt that they would be able to do what the priest told them to do.

The next day the blonde was taken and put in front of the firing squad. She yelled "HURRICANE!" Everyone went running and she escaped.
The following day, the brunette's turn came. She got in front of the squad and yelled "TORNADO!" Again, the whole squad ran home and she escaped.
The red-head was really scared. She was alone and had to escape too!
The third day, the police came for the red-head. She was thinking furiously. She, like the others was placed in front of the firing squad.

When the squad raised their guns, she yelled "FIRE!"

Bye bye for tonight,
Dedene

Dedene in France
And don't eat anything your great-grandmother wouldn't recognize as food.


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3/18/07 3:27 P

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Receipts????? What the hell can you do with receipts? Wrap that little piece of paper around your finger? Do a small oragami? OHHHHHHH....I bet you meant recipes.....like the ones given for the drinks. I'd stick with the recipes if you are looking for alcoholic libations and stick to the receipts for returning the crap you really didn't want back to the store ya got it from. But if you are really intent on trying the receipt....have a big a$$ glass of water handy when you start choking on that paper.

FATTOO Posts: 150
3/17/07 6:28 P

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Dah! why didn't I think of food coloring?...and I am
a red head...not even blond. All the Blond jokes,
they are getting a bad wrap...I think they need to
add Red jokes to that comedy show!
Thanks for the receipts.....I can only try one at
a time...my new life stlye...you know.lol

"GET OVER IT"


 
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MSCHIVVIS's Photo MSCHIVVIS Posts: 633
3/17/07 4:59 P

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...so a man sits down at a bar and orders a brew. The fellow next to him says "Parrdon me, but you sound like you might be from Irreland?" "Why yes, that I am."
"And so be I! My heart lives in County Kilkenny." "Nooo. Why I too hail from Kilkenny!"
"Tis a small world. Have ye heard of Ballyragget?" "Bless ye, that's my home town! I went to St. Mary's in my youth."
"Mercy, so did I!"
As the two Irishmen continued to astound each other, the bartender mutters: "This is gonna be a LONG night." Another patron asked "Why?"
"Because it's only 5:30 and the Murphy twins are drunk already."
Happy paddy's to all!

Edited by: MSCHIVVIS at: 3/17/2007 (17:00)
5k / 44 min 4/1/07 in the woods
(tied for 21st in my group)


Look, look, look! Look, look!
Idea coming to kill us all!
Look, look, look! Look, look!
- anonymous person's variation on anonymous dog's haiku


 
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SWEATERPUPS's Photo SWEATERPUPS Posts: 2,525
3/17/07 2:43 P

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Ah, isn't it just a matter of adding green food coloring to a clear martini? Anyway, some other choices could be a Leprechaun (fill a rocks glass with ice, 1/2 oz. Irish whiskey & tonic water, stir), Leprechaun's Libation (Blend 3 1/2 oz. cracked ice, 1 oz. gr. creme de menthe & 2 1/2 oz. Irish whiskey)and for you coffee-heads there's St. Patty's Day Mocha Java (combine in mug-3/4 oz. Bailey's Irish Cream, 3/4 oz. Kahlua, hot coffee to taste and top with whipped cream).
...Whatever is wrong with Nicole, Britney, Lindsay? Magic 8 Ball said, 'signs point to Paris' lol

Edited by: SWEATERPUPS at: 3/17/2007 (14:44)
"Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm." - Sir Winston Churchill

"I have learned , as a rule of thumb, never to ask whether you can do something. Say, instead, that you are doing it. Then fasten your seat belt. The most remarkable things follow. " - Julia Cameron
FATTOO Posts: 150
3/17/07 12:44 P

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Too bad no green beer. I don't drink beer but
I love a good Martini. Wonder if they come in green.
After all, I don't want to look like Nicole or
a skeleton. LOL What ever is wrong with their world,
fat chance of me seeing it! Pardon the pun.

"GET OVER IT"


 
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FILLEFRANCAISE's Photo FILLEFRANCAISE Posts: 2,643
3/17/07 12:13 P

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BURMA,
Too bad, I like CRAZY porno sites!!!! Ha! Just kidding. Sounds like a good site -- Keira Knightley, Nicole Ritchie, etc. They're all turning into walking skeletons!!!! What's wrong with their world?

I've always thought that if I can't laugh at myself, who can I laught at? Everyone else!!!

PS: No St. Paddy's Day here, so I'm off the hook for green beer.


Best to you all,
Dedene

Dedene in France
And don't eat anything your great-grandmother wouldn't recognize as food.


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BURMAGIRL68's Photo BURMAGIRL68 Posts: 192
3/16/07 6:15 P

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So you don't think I'm steering you to some crazy porn site, here's a snippet of what you'll find on gofugyourself.com:

(photo is on site)
It's been chilly in London lately, according to the weather reports. Does Keira Knightley really have enough body fat to trot around in tights under baggy shorts and not be freezing? And by asking, I'm being polite. Which is unusual for me. Because no mistake, I can see her legs. I could pick my teeth with them. I could stick one of them in a baking cake to decide if it's done. I could use them to jimmy open a car door. There's a box in my kitchen that contains a frying pan wrapped in newspaper, and it is better insulated.

In her honor, I am going to go make and eat a delicious sandwich, full of carbs and other flesh-wooing goodness. I wish she would do the same.

If you focus on money its a job. If you focus on recognition its a career. If you focus on meaning its a calling. If it becomes a calling, you are inspired.
-Chip Conley, CEO of Joie de Vivre Hospitality


 
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BURMAGIRL68's Photo BURMAGIRL68 Posts: 192
3/16/07 6:12 P

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just discovered this website and had to share with all you sarcastic bayotches!

www.gofugyourself.com

If you focus on money its a job. If you focus on recognition its a career. If you focus on meaning its a calling. If it becomes a calling, you are inspired.
-Chip Conley, CEO of Joie de Vivre Hospitality


 
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FATTOO Posts: 150
3/16/07 6:53 A

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The reason I like this Forum is because people here
are real. Life is too hard to be too serious.
Everyone I have met on this Forum tells it like it is.....Reality can be funny and some days it is a
necessity.

"GET OVER IT"


 
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LADYDISCIPLINE's Photo LADYDISCIPLINE Posts: 2,960
3/16/07 5:29 A

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People get offended a bit too easily, and a lot of people seem to work a little to hard to take things personally. It makes me tired to worry about it, so I stopped. emoticon

***Sherry***LadyD***Ladydiscipline***

I like to move it move it.....

Come leave 200-ville with me and the Pound By Pound Challenge.

AF Vet

There is no "ready" just the decision to fight each and every day.

www.crazyshrinkingchefpants.blogspot
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SUNRISESUNSET's Photo SUNRISESUNSET SparkPoints: (40,364)
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1/17/07 1:43 P

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I guess as long as the original person wasn't offended, then there's no problem.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

"For every dark night there is a brighter day..."


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ESSERE's Photo ESSERE Posts: 278
1/17/07 11:49 A

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I am all about a sense of humor....!

Some people take things too seriously...I say..."Fuhget 'em if they can't take a joke!"

***OK I might have paraphrased the first word of that quote...but I certainly wouldn't want to offend someone, now would I?***

Edited by: ESSERE at: 1/17/2007 (16:40)
"There is no try!" ~Yoda
FATTOO Posts: 150
1/14/07 12:15 P

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Good for you ! loosen up girls!..We have a lot of work to do!

"GET OVER IT"


 
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RUSS1985's Photo RUSS1985 Posts: 3,365
1/9/07 6:59 P

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The moral of Saddam's story is simple: If you're going to be that much of an A hole, you'd better not get caught. Hell, even the Sunnis were ready to have him offed

I have not failed, I've just proven 10,000 ways that do not work ~ Thomas Edison


I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world.
- Oscar Wilde

Every man is wise when attacked by a mad dog; fewer when pursued by a mad woman; only the wisest survive when attacked by a mad notion.
- Robertson Davies


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~~JACQUELINE~~'s Photo ~~JACQUELINE~~ Posts: 4,344
1/8/07 11:41 A

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I don't like the higher ground - there's less oxygen up there!

Jacky x

~Jacky~

It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake.

I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation - but I'm not very good at it.

(Thank you Jimmy Carr!)



GOAL 1 - 185lbs
GOAL 2 - 166lbs
GOAL 3 - 149lbs
GOAL 4 - 134lbs
GOAL 5 - 120lbs


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1/8/07 10:14 A

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Well..with all war criminals... a day of justice usually comes about. They hunted members of Hitler's little men for years and when they were found, justice was meted out swiftly. Peeps can use any excuse in the books they want, but all the PC peeps probably didn't lose any kin to Sadaam or Hitler.

YOGAPRINCESS's Photo YOGAPRINCESS SparkPoints: (0)
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1/8/07 10:07 A

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Okay, now all I can hear in my head is Homer Simpson saying, "wanker". It's one of my error sounds on my computer at home.

On the Saddam note, did anybody see the "well hung" t-shirt with a cartoon drawing of him in a noose on it?

Karla

Life's battles don't always go to the stronger or faster man. But sooner or later the man who wins, is the man who thinks he can.
--Vince Lombardi

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Lowest Weight: 120lbs(Mar'05)
Start Weight @ SP (9/06): 137lbs
Working on getting back to the Mar '05 Weight


 
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10ACBIRDWALKER's Photo 10ACBIRDWALKER Posts: 7,361
1/8/07 9:16 A

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But Toasty, just because he didn't care about peoples feelings doesn't mean that we shouldn't. We should take the high ground (whatever that means) and LOVVVVVVVEEEE him. emoticon . Or we could just be glad he is gone, joke about the hanging, have a drink to celebrate and have a good day.
I like that plan better. Let the PC idiots be depressed. I don't want to waste the time
Diane

Diane
You can keep going long after you think you can't.


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~~JACQUELINE~~'s Photo ~~JACQUELINE~~ Posts: 4,344
1/8/07 5:09 A

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so - we're all agreed....rip the pi$$ out of everyone & anything and have a bl00dy good laugh doing it - and a bigger laugh at the PC brigade with their total lack of sense of humour!!! Have they never heard the saying "laughter is the best medicine"?
MARIYTA - I'll answer to anything, but toasty sounds good!!! (When I posted that joke I was half expecting a message from the Spark Bosses telling me to go away - nicely of course, we wouldn't want to upset anyone!)You're right tho' - he WAS a mass murderer...did he care about people's feelings.... I think not.

Jacky x

~Jacky~

It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake.

I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation - but I'm not very good at it.

(Thank you Jimmy Carr!)



GOAL 1 - 185lbs
GOAL 2 - 166lbs
GOAL 3 - 149lbs
GOAL 4 - 134lbs
GOAL 5 - 120lbs


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10ACBIRDWALKER's Photo 10ACBIRDWALKER Posts: 7,361
1/7/07 11:19 P

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Good Sadam joke, Yes so many people gt so upset over stupid stuff. They are all gonna die of a heart attack if they don't loosen up. Life is to short to take it so seriously.
Diane

Diane
You can keep going long after you think you can't.


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MARIYTA's Photo MARIYTA SparkPoints: (23,852)
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1/7/07 6:34 P

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Toasty... can I call you Toasty? Too bad, your nickname is now Toasty. Anyway, that joke is hilarious! I don't see why the world is getting their knickers all in a bunch (look at me! I'm British today!) about the jeering at his hanging. I mean, he WAS a mass murder, after all....

*Sam*

"Be true to yourself and everything will come right."
-Amy Duncan

www.samantha-warren.com


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1/7/07 6:26 P

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I'm a wanker, you're a wanker, we are wankers all. When we get together, we proudly give our wanker call. No foolin' about all the peeps with no sense of humor....like...just get over it...you will be dead soon enuff but might as well have a bunch of laughs along the way!

~~JACQUELINE~~'s Photo ~~JACQUELINE~~ Posts: 4,344
1/7/07 2:03 P

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Saddam Hussein has brought out a range of T-shirts..........a bit tight around the neck - but they hang well!

~Jacky~

It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake.

I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation - but I'm not very good at it.

(Thank you Jimmy Carr!)



GOAL 1 - 185lbs
GOAL 2 - 166lbs
GOAL 3 - 149lbs
GOAL 4 - 134lbs
GOAL 5 - 120lbs


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~~JACQUELINE~~'s Photo ~~JACQUELINE~~ Posts: 4,344
1/7/07 1:35 P

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Oh, you're so not wrong MARYITA - it's what I love about this team. It's been said before, but I've had to bite my tongue so many times on other message boards, and when I have said something I consider funny they don't get it and take the comment sooooo seriously.
Get alife AND A SENSE OF HUMOUR YOU MORONS!!

Jacky x

~Jacky~

It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake.

I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation - but I'm not very good at it.

(Thank you Jimmy Carr!)



GOAL 1 - 185lbs
GOAL 2 - 166lbs
GOAL 3 - 149lbs
GOAL 4 - 134lbs
GOAL 5 - 120lbs


 current weight: 190.0 
 
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MARIYTA's Photo MARIYTA SparkPoints: (23,852)
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1/7/07 12:35 P

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I'm surprised how upset people get when you use the term "wanker" (spoken with a British accent, of course). I was watching Still Crazy, and talking in a British accent. I called someone a wanker on a message board, and though that person didn't care, other people got pretty offended. Some people need to get a sense of humor.

*Sam*

"Be true to yourself and everything will come right."
-Amy Duncan

www.samantha-warren.com


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