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TOPIC:   what brings out the sarcastic in you? 


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DATMAMA4
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12/1/12 7:30 P

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I agree completely with food labels.

Yes, yes, I'm pretty sure I was aware that my bag of flour contains wheat. That is, after all, what I was hoping for when I bought it.


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PLANTAGO
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11/30/12 3:58 P

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Some food labels are just so smart. Sugar. Does not contain cholesterol. Sodium free.
Milk. May contain: milk

Also my dentist. Stuffs my mouth with numerous tools, has me keep it wide open and then asks: " how we feelin' ma'am? "


Edited by: PLANTAGO at: 11/30/2012 (22:25)

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GUITARWOMAN
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11/28/12 6:15 P

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Stupidity, especially the deliberate kind.

Bonita
Just north of Toronto, Canada

"Are we there yet?"


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2BDYNAMIC
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11/28/12 5:02 P

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I was just TRYING to help patients check in using a Kiosk, instead of waiting in lines for the receptionist ................. (It's a good thing!) .............. so I tell this woman, (55-ish) it's just a touch screen, and a 'light finger touch" ............. is all that is needed ......... (duhh!!)
Sooooooooooooooo she wraps her frigging COAT around her finger, and I remind her it is "ok to just use a finger" ................. and she yells,
"I DON'T HAVE TO USE THE FINGER IF I DON'T WANT TO!!!" ............ 'THIS WORKS JUST FINE AND YOU SHOULD NOT BE TELLING PEEPS TO USE THE FINGER!!!%$#@"

wOE ............... "why don't you tell us how YOU REALLY FEEL oh nasty one!?" .............(i wanted to show her MY FINGER but I do like to keep my job! lol emoticon

~Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .... Mother Teresa

~ What I do today shapes my tomorrow. ~I will seize the day~

~To gain friends is to first become a friend~


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SLIMNDOWN2012
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11/28/12 10:01 A

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People in general bring out the sarcasm in me, regardless of age.
I have to have a sarcastic jab in just about every conversation or I have a fit. I am trying to figure out a good sarcasm font, parenthesis with (insert sarcasm font here) just doesn't work...

We have never been called to be more than who we are..... Be yourself


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DATMAMA4
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11/24/12 9:04 P

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Reminds me of the Dilbert strip where one of the guys went temporarily blind for a period of time because of the blindingly obvious suggestion he made in a meeting...


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CURTIOSITY
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11/24/12 12:31 P

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I am inventing a special cane for folks who are blind to the obvious. It involves a warped pool cue and a caster.

To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness.

Bertrand Russell


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SKEEWEE2MEK
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11/19/12 3:38 P

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Awesome! I love that. Lol emoticon

Northern VA~ Skeewee2mek
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You can have excuses or results, but not both!
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2BDYNAMIC
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11/19/12 2:09 P

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Yes #3 is good ............ ALSO: "I would like a case of condoms please."
Clerk: "Ok ........ Wow!! would you like some assistance?"
Customer: "It depends how you mean that." ........... Are you giving live demo's today?" emoticon

~Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .... Mother Teresa

~ What I do today shapes my tomorrow. ~I will seize the day~

~To gain friends is to first become a friend~


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SKEEWEE2MEK
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11/18/12 10:59 P

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I love #3! Can you say it again so more people can hear you please Mr. Customer Service Associate? emoticon

Northern VA~ Skeewee2mek
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You can have excuses or results, but not both!
-Author Unknown

You can't improve what you don't measure, and you can't measure what you don't track.
-Author Unknown


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RWILCO01
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11/18/12 7:51 A

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Things that should NEVER require repeating:
1) The spreadsheet is due TOMORROW...No its NOT done
2) Do Your HOMEWORK!
3) Feminine protection...aisle 12. GO IT... I dont need an escort
4) HEADACHE honey... that would mean NO! (although from a guys perspective, this one is definately worth a second shot!)
5) Dinner at my mothers at 6pm, you're not ready?



SKEEWEE2MEK
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11/17/12 3:54 P

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What brings out the sarcastic in me is when people repeat themselves. Hey genius, I got it the first time you said it. Repeating it isn't going to make me agree with whatever dumb SH you just said. emoticon

Northern VA~ Skeewee2mek
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You can have excuses or results, but not both!
-Author Unknown

You can't improve what you don't measure, and you can't measure what you don't track.
-Author Unknown


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GUITARWOMAN
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11/14/12 8:37 P

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How about..."My parents never did let me get those extra fingers cut off...."

Bonita
Just north of Toronto, Canada

"Are we there yet?"


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DARLY55
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11/14/12 6:31 P

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You guys are making me shiver! Now I need a blanket!

Deb
Eastern Time Zone

Don't sweat the small stuff, just sweat!

I am up to ME!



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1LIFE4ME
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11/14/12 12:11 P

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emoticon



2BDYNAMIC
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11/14/12 11:24 A

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OR I am so frozen that this morning I had to use a hot water bottle for my belly cos my pee was frozen in there!! .................. (sure they would understand!) ... lol

~Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .... Mother Teresa

~ What I do today shapes my tomorrow. ~I will seize the day~

~To gain friends is to first become a friend~


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1LIFE4ME
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11/14/12 10:44 A

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Or... I'm so cold if I drank some water I'd pee out ice cubes!

or is that too much? :) ahhh I'm in a mood!

Edited by: 1LIFE4ME at: 11/14/2012 (10:45)


2BDYNAMIC
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11/13/12 4:50 P

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SARAALINE ........ When they ask "Are you cold?"
Just say, "I am more than cold ............. I am FRIGID!!" ...........
(they will never ask again) ........... emoticon

~Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .... Mother Teresa

~ What I do today shapes my tomorrow. ~I will seize the day~

~To gain friends is to first become a friend~


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LYNNA1968
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11/9/12 8:37 P

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anything really.

Watch out world! Here I come


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LADYCJM
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11/8/12 8:05 P

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I'm hoping they want that 'loose" fat hanging from my arms!


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2BDYNAMIC
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11/8/12 2:02 P

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Back to the 'loose weight' one ............ Is that like weight 'hanging around?' .........

And, what does one say if they 'lost' something? ...........

"I just loosed my purse." .............. And if I loose it one more time, I will scream!" .. emoticon

~Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .... Mother Teresa

~ What I do today shapes my tomorrow. ~I will seize the day~

~To gain friends is to first become a friend~


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DATMAMA4
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11/8/12 1:08 P

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I love #s 7 & 12! oh my!


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LADYCJM
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11/7/12 9:04 P

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Hmmm, how about responding with:
1. No, my hands are swollen and I can't get the gloves off.
2. The elves steal my gloves if I take them off. Don't you have that problem?
3. No, I can't control my fingers if I take the gloves off (then start wiggling your fingers and slapping at them saying bad fingers)
4. My stapler is caustic (or has cooties) and it hurts......
5. No, my gloves and scarf are foil lined to keep the aliens from reading my brain waves.
6. No, I have leprosy and was trying to protect you, want to see?
7. No, my head kept coming loose, I thought the scarf would help hold it on.
8. No, the gremlins keep trying to peel off my nail polish
9. I forgot to wash my hands....
10. I thought the pus draining from my fingertips might gross people out...want to see?
11. I'm trying to keep the vampires off my neck.
12. I'm knitting my own sauna and I'm only part way done.
13. Don't eat the green stuff from the cafeteria (said in a whisper)
14. The radiation monitors aren't working (said in a hushed voice)


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DATMAMA4
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11/6/12 7:02 P

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SARAALINE, you could always respond that you're practicing to be a bag lady, 'cause you heard good things about it.


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SARAALINE
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11/6/12 4:15 P

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I need some help with a good comeback or two (dozen). I can't seem to get my brain past the banal "nope" or "naaaaww...."

I am freezing cold. I think it's really bad in my office; my fingernails are turning blue. I'm sitting at my desk, doing my work, wearing my gloves and scarf (in addition to my regular clothing in case you were wondering. I may be stark raving mad, but I'm not starkers). So far, everyone who has come by has asked "are you cold?"

I need a good comeback. I can't think of any. My brain has frozen. Please help!



2BDYNAMIC
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11/5/12 10:01 A

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"took your order" ......... yep ...... that's a good one!! I work around someone who always says: "I SEEN you the other day." ...... emoticon

~Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .... Mother Teresa

~ What I do today shapes my tomorrow. ~I will seize the day~

~To gain friends is to first become a friend~


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SARAALINE
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11/4/12 12:36 P

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My mother went to KFC a while back and the lady behind the counter asked if someone had "tooken" her order. My mom's a fairly quick lady and, at the time, worked in a bank and has heard a lot of English bungling, but that one made her pause and stuck with her enough that she talks about it to this day.



FIREFLY_MEDIC
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11/4/12 9:00 A

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man that question should be What DOES NOT bring out the sarcastic in me..
that way i would have a hope in hell in answering it...

but for a one word answer LIFE


The most motivational link I have ever seen.. please watch and share it with anyone that needs help to keep going.
www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2
142617/How-obese-disabled-man-lost-140
lbs-TEN-months-ran--thanks-yoga.html


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DATMAMA4
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11/3/12 9:48 P

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Laughing at the "mute" point. I wish more people had mute points.

I used to work with an older lady in a restaurant who always said she took something out of the freezer to "unthaw." I would always ask her why she wanted to re-freeze it -- of course, she never got what I was saying. The funniest thing is, I read a Kindle book whose setting was in a commercial kitchen, and the author used the word "unthaw" when something was taken out of the freezer! Aaaack!


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ANDY_54
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11/3/12 8:29 P

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I heard the phrase "well, that's a 'mute' point", twice this week. No it isn't and even if it were I wouldn't be able to hear it now would I?


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LADYCJM
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11/3/12 2:09 P

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Just saw an ad for 'loose weight'. 29.95/month. Wonder if they will buy mine?.


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2BDYNAMIC
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11/2/12 3:21 P

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I wonder if this is one of the many things evident from the many CUTS in our education system ............. Sad ........... truly sad .............

~Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .... Mother Teresa

~ What I do today shapes my tomorrow. ~I will seize the day~

~To gain friends is to first become a friend~


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DATMAMA4
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11/1/12 12:38 P

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My brother-in-law once had someone submit a resume that was full of text-speak abbreviations. He just looked at the guy and said, "Really? You think this is going to get you a job?" and sent the guy home without even interviewing him.


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SARAALINE
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11/1/12 11:46 A

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A client once gave me a copy of a business letter given to her by her child care provider. It was ridiculous: misspellings, improper punctuation, run-ons and fragments, etc. But the thing that really bothered me was the use of "text speak:" "U" instead of "you," "R" instead of "are," that sort of thing. In a business letter!!!!!
Alas, this daycare is no longer in business. Coincidence?
I weep for the future.... emoticon

Edited by: SARAALINE at: 11/1/2012 (11:56)


2BDYNAMIC
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11/1/12 9:09 A

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When one is profoundly ignorant, then they do not know about SPELL CHECK!!!!! ............. durr!!

~Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .... Mother Teresa

~ What I do today shapes my tomorrow. ~I will seize the day~

~To gain friends is to first become a friend~


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DATMAMA4
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10/31/12 7:41 P

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SARAALINE, it may be bad form to edit and return emails, but not only is it satisfying, your superiors should thank you for helping them not look like a bunch of boobs. (No guarantee that they will, but they should!)

We once received a form letter from the place where we bought our car, telling us they hoped we were enjoying our "new car," and letting us know they were available if we needed anything. We'd bought the car THREE YEARS prior to the arrival of the letter, so yeah, I guess we were already enjoying it.

The worst part was that the letter was full of errors in spelling, grammar, punctuation, random capitalization (like you'd see in personal letters from the 1700s), and just plain ol' bad form. Not only that, it had been photocopied over and over so many times, it was hard to read because of blur. (I had to look for the dealership's address in the phone book because their letterhead was so over-copied I couldn't read it.)

I went over that letter with a red pen, then attached it to a letter of my own, which advised them to: a) invest in a secretary who knew how to compose a coherent letter; b) type it on brand new letterhead; and c) call me if they had no one capable and I'd do it for them for free. Seriously. If they actually wanted repeat business, the letter they sent to me was certainly not going to get them any.


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SARAALINE
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10/31/12 2:30 P

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"I don't have no..." Ugh. Or "I ain't got no..." emoticon I shall assume that the next word in your sentence is "education."

I work for social services as a "Child Care Eligibility Worker." It sounds far more interesting and impressive than it is (and it doesn't sound impressive). So, I spend quite a large chunk of my work day speaking with people who work in daycare centers, and sometimes even schools.

Oh.
My.
God.

These people are tasked with early childhood education, they are molding children when they the most moldable (is moldable a word?) and they talk like "dey skrait frum da hood." I can't understand the words that are coming out of your mouth!

And the e-mails that we get from our superiors make me want to rip my hair out. Spend 30 seconds and proofread. Is it considered bad form to send it back edited?



2BDYNAMIC
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10/31/12 1:57 P

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The one that really gets me is: "I am joining cos I need to loose' some weight .......... hmmm............ alrighty then ..........
OR ........ instead of one saying, "I don't have any" ........ they say, "I don't have NO" ..........
(this one almost dropped me cos it was spoken by an educator of children!!" .... emoticon

~Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .... Mother Teresa

~ What I do today shapes my tomorrow. ~I will seize the day~

~To gain friends is to first become a friend~


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SARAALINE
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10/31/12 10:24 A

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Amoung other things, mispronunciation of words that turn said words into other words. For example:
-- Do you have any pacific examples? (No. I don't have any atlantic examples either).
-- I just need to axe you ... (OH PLEASE DON'T LIZZIE BORDEN OH GOD I DON'T WANT TO DIE ).

Edited by: SARAALINE at: 10/31/2012 (10:26)


2BDYNAMIC
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10/31/12 9:49 A

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DARLY55 ...... That is a great idea ....... Maybe we could point blank ASK them if they could hook to their already hook nose!! ........... and it would drape over their stinky mouth!! ........... tHen we recognize them approaching and can quickly back off about 20 feet!!

~Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .... Mother Teresa

~ What I do today shapes my tomorrow. ~I will seize the day~

~To gain friends is to first become a friend~


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BUDDYSMYFRIEND
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10/30/12 9:53 P

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I saw this today, and laughed my arse off. It's a wonderful solution!!!



I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?


If you want to win anything- a race, yourself, your life- you have to go a little berserk. George Sheehan

"You can't cross a sea by merely standing and staring at the water. Rabindranath Tagore





DARLY55
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10/30/12 8:41 P

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Hey 2B, do you think it would help if they wore a car air freshener around their neck - like those little Christmas trees?

Deb
Eastern Time Zone

Don't sweat the small stuff, just sweat!

I am up to ME!



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2BDYNAMIC
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10/30/12 3:16 P

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I have an idea!! emoticon Next time someone w/ 'ashtray' breath approaches and gets into the 'intimate' zone .......... I will get concentrated room freshner and blast them!!! (Let's see who can be the most rude!!!!) ............... emoticon

~Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .... Mother Teresa

~ What I do today shapes my tomorrow. ~I will seize the day~

~To gain friends is to first become a friend~


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DATMAMA4
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10/30/12 2:15 P

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Exactly!!
"Do you have some gum?"
"Yes, here you go."
"No, it's not for me, it's for you!"


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1LIFE4ME
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10/30/12 2:12 P

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Would you like a breath mint? No really just take the whole thing! * hint hint

Right datmama? Lol



DATMAMA4
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10/30/12 1:54 P

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2B's post reminds me...I have a hard time keeping my sarcasm in check when people with really rancid breath keep moving closer and closer to talk when I'm obviously backing off more and more so I can breathe. I always want to ask them what it is about my body language that is causing them to act completely opposite to my goal.


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1LIFE4ME
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10/30/12 1:43 P

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Oops! emoticon 2B! emoticon



2BDYNAMIC
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10/30/12 9:59 A

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People. People who breathe in your face after they put their cigarette out ....... emoticon

~Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .... Mother Teresa

~ What I do today shapes my tomorrow. ~I will seize the day~

~To gain friends is to first become a friend~


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LABGIRL8
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10/29/12 5:48 P

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Life, the universe, nurses...

Quitting isn't an option, but starting over is.


2BDYNAMIC
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10/29/12 4:47 P

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May be the 'wrong thread' but I have always thought that being 'witty' and sarcastic' are two different things ............. I work w/ a woman who is sarcastic but as DUMB as a post!! She tries so hard ....... but doesn't have it ........ and ends up offending everyone ....... and wondering why NO ONE wants to be around her!!! ............ (no sense of humor either!!)

~Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .... Mother Teresa

~ What I do today shapes my tomorrow. ~I will seize the day~

~To gain friends is to first become a friend~


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