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BARCLE's Photo BARCLE SparkPoints: (166,409)
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3/4/11 9:37 P

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emoticon

Smile .... it makes people wonder what you're up to ;-)

The fourth glass of wine is always a good idea before you do it and a really bad idea afterward! ;-)

It is far easier to MAKE time to exercise than it is to FIND time to exercise. You want results???? MAKE it happen.


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GRALLEN's Photo GRALLEN Posts: 20,069
2/16/11 8:43 P

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Debbie-J ~ If you don't want them at your feeder anymore, don't fill them for about two weeks.

Gail

Quit stuffing your face and face your stuff.
Be yourself, everyone else is taken.
I think therefore I am dangerous.
Don't make excuses, make changes.

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DEBBIE_J's Photo DEBBIE_J Posts: 966
2/16/11 2:51 P

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I have a big fat flock of those red-winged blackbirds in my back yard that I'd gladly toss in if I could. They've eaten about 20 pounds of bird seed from my feeders in less than a week. LOL

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GARDENCHRIS's Photo GARDENCHRIS SparkPoints: (210,776)
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2/11/11 8:38 A

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left you speechless I see....



Nothing changes unless something changes.

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BIGFATGIT's Photo BIGFATGIT Posts: 114
2/11/11 8:25 A

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And?


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2/11/11 8:18 A

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I'm here......



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POPEYETHETURTLE's Photo POPEYETHETURTLE SparkPoints: (218,252)
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2/11/11 1:32 A

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As everyone knows, the right portion of our brain generally controls the functions on the left side of the body and vice versa.

Having a dominant right hand, I always assumed that I was not as artistic as my oldest son or nephew (left handed, artistic, photographic talents, playing multiple stringed band instruments and the drums). I have noticed there Are Some right handed artists, actually quite a few.

I assume that one side of my brain overrode the other in its attempt to be creative.

In explanation: The left hand controls when the letter "G" is placed in use, in particular the index finger.

On the other hand, the index finger controls when a "J" is placed in use.

If not faced with the evidence, I would have said it is impossible for my left brain to override the fight hemisphere, I mean "RIGHT" hemisphere (There. See? They're fighting again). Instead of striking the "R" as attended, my left hand struck the "F", thus throwing down the gauntlet - challenging for the mastery of my brain.

Contemplating ..............................., hmmm ..........................., well ........................... .

I must actually confess here. I recently wrote a very short story that garnered some notice in a writing competition. Heretofore, my forte was Reading stories, not writing them. One afternoon while cruising the internet, this bright flash appeared - at first I assumed that I had died and was going into the great white light that people who have a "near death experience" report. But that was not the case.

I brought up Word and started typing. Sometime later, I stopped to find out I had typed multiple pages - as if I had been taking dictation. I was Not amused at all. Then it dawned on me (no, the bright light had not been the sun), a Muse had driven me!

Could that possibly mean something has happened to me? That my brain has changed? That, even as I put this down in electronic format, my cells could be changing function?

I know. Y'all have considered for some time if there might be links missing in my brain, but, Pops, a writer? Give me a break!

I can prove it if you wish, or not.

I can post my story. I was told it brought tears to the eyes of one of the judges.

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2/11/11 1:04 A

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Backing off...as per my usual chicken ship ways.

~Maggie

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BIGFATGIT's Photo BIGFATGIT Posts: 114
2/10/11 4:42 P

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Sass,


Are you really brave enough? or dare i say it skilled enough? to take her on?

Love you dearly .....But,,,,,,?

Edited by: BIGFATGIT at: 2/10/2011 (16:43)

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2/10/11 4:39 P

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Popeye,

Totally in admiration of your post. One of the wittiest and slightly off kilter i have come across. You didn't have to elaborate i had the gist after straight on 'till morning. I believe about five lines in, before you gave it away to the proletariat. I can only say. I will find stuff obtuse enough to put your obviously underused brain to good work.

Although not quite in your class. I could be enough to push you to better things! ....We'll see

K




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2/10/11 3:09 P

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Editor Maggie says: gist

However, she doesn't base her friendships on spelling or writing abilities.

emoticon

~Maggie

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GRALLEN's Photo GRALLEN Posts: 20,069
2/9/11 8:53 P

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So that's how you spell jist.
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Gail

Quit stuffing your face and face your stuff.
Be yourself, everyone else is taken.
I think therefore I am dangerous.
Don't make excuses, make changes.

See my photos on Flickr.
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2/9/11 12:11 A

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.

"A government big enough to give everything you want is also big enough to take everything you have."
-Ronald Reagan

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2/9/11 12:07 A

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BFG: I just read your response regarding hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia. After I read the whole post there was a buzzing in my brain that generally means that I have missed a pun, so I re-read the entire thing.

Congratulations!

BFG = hippopot (amous)! Very, very well disguised my friend. However, as my whole family would testify, The One intellectual pursuit I enjoy more than sarcasm is a well placed PUN.

You sir, are close to my level.

Alas, no cigar.

I attribute it to my brain. Sometimes, when I go for a stroll and turn right, going around the corner and straight on until Night, I find myself in a completely different universe. In That universe I am the richest and most famous entertainer of ALL TIME.

They've even changed a word for me there.

When I simply begin a presentation, people laugh hysterically and fall down crying. Many wet their pants (that's why in every contract I INSIST on a strong fan of air be blowing from behind my back and towards the audience, don't you know?).

The word they've changed? Here's an expression I hear often, in that other universe. "Pops, you are too dam punny for words."

Well, that's obviously incorrect, but you at least have the jist of it now.

And how do I get home? Why, I go for a stroll, turn left at the corner and go straight on until Morning.

I shared that once, long ago, with another very bright person. That sorry dink used just one of my sentences as inspiration for a story about a Fairy, a one-legged pirate, a crocodile with a magic clock and a boy who refused to grow up.

I re-read that story on occasion and wonder, in every famous live production of that story, why do they always use a slender young girl to portray young Peter? Particularly when they insist he's not the Fairy. Of course I've seen the obvious set-up of his name, but .....

Edited by: POPEYETHETURTLE at: 2/9/2011 (00:14)
"A government big enough to give everything you want is also big enough to take everything you have."
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BIGFATGIT's Photo BIGFATGIT Posts: 114
2/7/11 7:47 A

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Chrissy my love, Yet again sooooo very close but yet so far.

As your own personal self appointed Sarcasm Mentor I feel beholden to point out that whilst you were 99% correct with your "(fear of long words)" regretfully, once again just short of that gold star you aspire to. it should have read (fear of pronouncing long words). See Soooo verry close keep up the good work.

K
x

Ps. What you doing up so early?

Pps I'll bet you cut and pasted it too ;-)

Edited by: BIGFATGIT at: 2/7/2011 (07:49)

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2/7/11 7:25 A

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BFG

Coincidentally there is a masochistic PCP with hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia (fear of long words) curled up in an alleyway across the street. He has been whispering “Antidisestablishmentarianism” to himself over and over for two days now, experiencing up to one orgasm every three hours as a result of The Pain 



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BIGFATGIT's Photo BIGFATGIT Posts: 114
2/7/11 6:16 A

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As a totally unrelated aside one feels that certain people are "self-centered rhetoricians who may, or may not be! Intoxicated by their own personal verbosity"

Ah that saying brought back some memories! At age 12 having thanked the master for my "Six of the Best" i was then given the task of 100 lines of this wonderful saying by the following morning! I can't remember what the particular transgression was that caused the double-barreled punishment ( there were so many!) you can however be fairly well assured that I was never caught committing the same crime again.

The Joys of a Jesuit education!!!!!


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2/7/11 4:57 A

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Popeye all my life i have been searching for someone to help me overcome my rather severe hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia I have this strange feeling you could be just the man!!

BTW other 1/2 just looked over my shoulder as i was typing and let out a full 15 second low groan, maybe she and Mrs. Popeye could form their own long suffering wives support group

AND YES IT WAS A TYPO!!!!


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2/5/11 8:55 A

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Popeye that is the BEST story ever!

Speaking of children... I have 4 grown sons and they were all raised to be independent THINKERS! If they asked me a STUPID question I told them so, and asked them to think about what they just asked me.... they then usually gave me the answer that they already knew the answer to.

They can sometimes, no very often, best me in sarcastic dry comments! When they do it just cracks them up! Then I grab them and squeeze their knee to "remind" them I'm the MOM!! They laugh right along with me.

Needless to say when others outside of the family are around, it makes for interesting conversation. They are all very successful functioning people in their endeavors.They do not put up with much, from people that try to use them in any way.

The Son in Arizona deals with a lot of Stupid in his business. Sometimes when he and I talk, he'll power up on me and I do the smack down by reminding him of who he is talking to. Usually shuts him up!

My sons and I talk of all kinds of things, they know they will get honest answers and thoughtful responses.

So sometimes the gene pool is "strengthened" by having sarcastic parenting! I can attest to it!


Edited by: GARDENCHRIS at: 2/5/2011 (08:56)


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2/5/11 2:36 A

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Maggie - A much better idea would be for "us" to be egg and sperm donors.

We could raise the IQ of the entire nation four points in just one generation!

After three generations, the national "average" would be above 140!

Just think of the levels sarcasm could reach.

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2/5/11 2:22 A

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What?!? You have children???

People like us should be sterilized! And yet...we are not.

Some of my proudest moments in life have been the realization that sometimes sarcasm can be inbred. (Our adopted son just stares at the rest of us while his brain cells can be seen frying.)

~Maggie

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2/5/11 12:41 A

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I ran into Omphaloskepsis some years ago. One of my formerly, slightly sarcastic answers to the question, "Bob, what have you been doing lately", being, "Oh, not much. Just contemplating my bellybutton", I howled, fell off my chair and nearly peed myself I thought it was so funny.

I could never, ever have imagined there was a word describing one of my minor moments in sarcasm.

It actually came up a couple of weeks ago when my youngest son called.

Ring, Ring: "Hello."

"Hey Dad, what are you doing?"

My brain spinning - Click. "Just practicing my Omphaloskepsis."

Silence. No sound of static, and since we were on cell, not even a carrier hum. A minute. The smell of ozone being created gently wafted past my nose.

"OK.....Dad, what 's an omfa-elephant-halitosis or whatever?"

I told him.

He groaned. "Jeez Pop, I'll have to call you back - I can't even remember why I called."

As soon as he heard me say "Omphaloskepsis" he knew I was "On". He's known me for 37 years and still doesn't understand how my brain works.

Since I had just remembered the word, I had to go spring it on my DW.

Walking into the room, "Honey, how about you and me practicing a little Omphaloskepsis, like, right now", with one of Those grins on my face.

She didn't move. She finally raised her eyes from her book, her eyes rolled around a couple of times and she said, "OK. What's that Ompah band thing?"

I told her. There was a Very loud groan. She shook her head and returned to her book. She's known me for over 40 years. She's still not even sure she wants to Know how that portion of my brain works.

With my DW, I gauge how bright one of my brain flashes has been by the loudness and length of her groan. 9.5!

Then today I read this blog and knew. Three opportunities in two weeks! Yes!

One of my good friends once tried to describe my mind. He said, "Bob, your mind is like one of those sewer grates at street corners. It lets all the water flow by and catches all of the cr@p that floats on top".

Maybe he's right.

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2/4/11 7:23 P

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You had to make me get my dictionary out... really?! I did not quite believe your definition.... again.... how / why in the would you KNOW that word???? Were you contemplating your own fuzzy navel?



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2/4/11 3:42 P

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What's to guess? It's a fo' sho'!

~Maggie

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2/4/11 12:25 P

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Amusing? Arcane?

How about Omphaloskepsis?


Now THAT'S amusing! Arcane? Maybe, probably.



Definition: Contemplation of one's navel as an aid to meditation.

Question: Do you think this came out of Popeye's pipe and the new "tobacco" he's using? Guess.

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2/4/11 7:36 A

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see all the amusing arcane information we learn here?!? emoticon



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2/4/11 12:36 A

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Ummm...just forget we asked, Popeye.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

~Maggie

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2/4/11 12:08 A

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Blackheart, "tick" may be a simple mistyped word. However, the other definition would fit - you only have to open your mind to the possibilities.

I many states, and all Southrun states, a tick is a small insect that loves warm blood to drink and live on (sort of a not-vampire vampire). Ticks are often found near the tops of weeds or prairie grasses so as to latch on when anything warmblooded walks by (horse, cow, dog, deer, cougar, skunk, human ...... well, you get the idea. After dropping on said object they use their heat sensing abilities to find a place where they are out of sight or in a very inconvenient spot. When they think they have found that spot they grasp very tightly to that spot and insert their genetically designed sucking tube and suck away.

After a period of time, the human body recognizes there is a foreign body attacking and sends histamines and white blood cells to try and defeat this enemy. Since it is impossible for them to de-feet a tick, they gather around the blood sucker. Since they haven't reported back that the enemy was successfully defeated, the body continues to send its little warriors to battle. As a certain mass of these gallant warriors, who have gathered around the blood sucker, is reached, YOU are sent an alarm that says, "Scratch here".

When you surreptitiously start to scratch this very inconvenient spot, you encounter the tick. This often causes embarrassment and mortification because of the dead tissue around the blood sucker.

NOTE: This is a note, not a paragraph. Up one more.

Since it is always in an inconvenient, and often very delicate, location many people put off asking for help removing the tick. The longer the tick stays attached, the larger its body swells with blood and the harder it is to dislodge the little critter. This has resulted in the phrase "Stuck like a tick".

IN CASE YOU MISSED THE PUN, GO BACK TWO PARAGRAPHS

In the case of the synchronized swimmers, one would have to change the tense (since it is in the present) from "stuck" to "STICK".

I believe that is what BFG actually meant. Women should "stick" to synchronized swimming. There was, in fact, no typo. BFG deliberately used the word "tick" to confuse or befuddle.

Having been thoroughly thrashed by Billie Jean, I can say beyond a particle of doubt that saying women should "tick" to tennis would suggest that many men find something other than tennis with which to amuse themselves, such as tramping through Suthrun woods.

Edited by: POPEYETHETURTLE at: 2/4/2011 (01:29)
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2/3/11 8:20 P

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No.. we enjoy the piling on verbally...it's much more fun.



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2/3/11 8:17 P

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Hey there sarcastic and humorous people!

BFG, are you really a Brit? 'Cause it's called a " pigeon- loft". Coops are for chickens. Thought you crumpet-crunchers were born with that knowledge.
My Dad's "a fancier", which means obsessively annoying and knows everything about them. I used to have a couple dozen and do think its possible not to have ones entire life revolve around them; although they do poop a lot which requires much scrapping and/or deep litter....

....Please, somebody tell me to stop procrastinating with this stimulating topic and go exercise! emoticon

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2/3/11 8:16 P

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that must be a deliberately provoking idiomatic phrase that we are not aware of.....



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GRALLEN's Photo GRALLEN Posts: 20,069
2/3/11 7:55 P

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How do you "tick" to synchronized swimming??

Gail

Quit stuffing your face and face your stuff.
Be yourself, everyone else is taken.
I think therefore I am dangerous.
Don't make excuses, make changes.

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2/3/11 3:28 P

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Well nothing tickles me more than seeing fat women ski.

"Every man I meet is in some way my superior, and in that I can learn of him." John Adams Ruth


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2/3/11 10:30 A

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BFG I got it! Also what do you mean by forgetting about me?!?! emoticon emoticon are you alluding to the fact that I just might be a trouble maker?!? Duh...

I guess you might not understand the subtly my dry humor....we might let you stick around long enough to figure that out..... later



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BIGFATGIT's Photo BIGFATGIT Posts: 114
2/3/11 10:22 A

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Sorry Cris keep on forgetting about you!!!

Back here on Earth we have an old saying to set the cat amongst the pigeons" it means "to introduce some violently disturbing new element" or in other words to say something in such a deliberately provoking way as to let others release their rapier sharp tongues and especially their honed wit.

Could of course find that usage is confined to my Auntie Liz's little islands off the N.W. coast of Europe but I am fairly sure that whilst i was living in New Mexico the natives understood the general meaning of the saying too!

So for example in a group like this were i to mutter something like Women will NEVER be any good at football ( the real name for Soccer) they should tick to synchronized swimming!!!

that would probably set a few cats amongst a few pigeons and garner some fairly scathing replies.....

All good fun really.

XXX

K




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2/3/11 8:59 A

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beyond pigeons..... who/what else would you want in there?





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BIGFATGIT's Photo BIGFATGIT Posts: 114
2/3/11 4:36 A

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Sassyjay

Did you know that the BFG is actually the title of a superb children's book by Roald Dhal ......Somewhat appropriate really, The Grumpalow is in stitches over you calling me that. Not only that but L.N.T. heard and is now re-reading it...

K


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2/3/11 4:29 A

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You're scaring me, BFG.

emoticon

~Maggie

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BIGFATGIT's Photo BIGFATGIT Posts: 114
2/3/11 3:41 A

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I thought it might be fun to have a pigeon coop.

Anyone got any cats they feel like putting in????


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