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6/5/10 12:05 P

When someone close to me gets a response they're not expecting or perhaps don't want and say to me "huh?" rather than repeat the offending statement I merely respond "you heard me". And in fact, high percentage of the time, they have.

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6/5/10 2:19 A

My company has been changing some policies but nothing is in writing, so a lot of people have left my department so we have so many new people that only received about 1/4 of the training (even some trainers changed positions) and more jobs were sent overseas to people who can read english, but do not understand it.


as a result i have customers who are really pissed and will get transferred, disconnected and given incorrect information. My company prides itself on being a leader in communication and providing service.

I had a customer say he was "so happy to talk to me because he had another problem and had nothing better to do then spend an hour on hold. what should i do with my equipment". i wanted to stay you can stop bitching and try the steps i am asking you or shove the machine up your butt. instead he yelled at me on and off for about 20 minutes and refused to believe anything i said because the previous people never mentioned it (they don't know hoe to do it that' why). I would love to tell customers they are not allowed to
have problems that vary from a script because our international agents can't understand them and our newbies are not trained enough. It is all true, but i would probably get fired.
and then when i tried to get someone from our cancellation dept to call him back, i was told the customer was in a 1 year contract and would have to call back. his supervisor even said the cust needed to call back.

I have never been happier to not be one of our customers!

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6/5/10 12:32 A

As a banker, I would have a client, actually more than one, for whom I would devise a directed savings plan. They were spooked about the stock market and wanted to deal strictly with money they could actually hold in their hand at some point.

I would make the presentation to the client, show and explain how it worked, provide the figures that showed it to be absolutely foolproof (absolutely conservative, too), and wait for a commitment.

The ones that frosted me were the idiots who would ask me, "Are you sure?"

I told one (who I knew really well), "No. I just picked some numbers out of the air, ran them through a phony computer program and I've shown you the result. Since I get no commission on these standard bank practices, I figured it didn't matter anyway."

He leaned back in the chair, had a totally stunned and shocked look on his face, and didn't speak for about 15 seconds. Then his face changed, he blushed and said, "I asked a really stupid question, didn't I."

I just looked at him and smiled sardonically, then did my right eyebrow raised trick.

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6/4/10 10:00 P

it is so annoying when you get asked a question, and I give the answer, I again get asked the question worded a little different, then again. It is also usually an answer that the person does not like, I then say the answer WILL NOT change the more you ask it..... usually gets them to shut up!

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6/4/10 1:26 P

Popeyetheturtle - I LOVE your analogy!

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6/4/10 1:32 A

Sometimes jackasses can't hear how they sound for the braying. You have to smack them along the side of their head to get their attention.

Good for you.

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6/1/10 4:29 P

One time when I was working customer service over the telephone I had the most obnoxious customer. Without thinking, I said "are you always this rude?" Long pause and then the guy apologized and we went forward with a pleasant conversation where I was able to give him the assistance he needed. Glad the supervisor wasn't listening in on that call or I would have been canned for sure. It felt good though.

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5/29/10 1:18 A

a coworker had gotten burned on his back and he thought it would be a good idea to show us the dead skin he pealed off (i work in an office). As he flicked it on the ground it landed on someone and i said "Aren't you glad you have to work fridays now? You never get free dead skin during the week"

just a little gross..

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5/28/10 11:52 P

I wonder how he felt after he learned he had been re-scheduled for a radical hysterectomy?

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5/28/10 7:20 A

PLINE10 It is even SADDER that she showed up for him!!!!!!

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5/28/10 5:51 A

OMG: we had a patient who sent his wife for HIS preadmission tests because he was gone hunting!

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5/27/10 9:47 P

Reminds me of the sign I saw on the wall behind a no-name gas and convenience store.

"I only handle one complaint per day, and you missed it. Just so you know, tomorrow already has a line."

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5/27/10 1:51 P

Oh, don't get me going on customers!

I have customers who make more in one day than I make in a year and they can be the worst... aka, the best fodder for sarcastic discussion.

Caller: "I'm on your website and it says log in. I don't want to log in, I just want to see my account there."
Me: [hits mute real fast before the words tumble out] "How do you think the website knows which account to display?"

Or,

Caller: "I need to do [redacted] with my account."
Me: "What's your account number?"
Caller: "I don't have one."
Me: [headdesk]

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5/26/10 8:48 P

in the pharmacy where i work, a patient dropped off a prescription and was asked, "would you like to wait while we fill this for you?" he asked (completely honestly, mind you), "will it be done today?" (are ya kiddin me, fella?) had to bite my tongue on that one! (nah... hang around, it'll be finished by wednesday!)

Edited by: RAHBECKA at: 5/26/2010 (20:50)

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5/26/10 8:28 P

people ask the most obvious questions and when I look at them like "really" they get upset with me! Example is this the hold button ( it is orange and SAYS hold!) I usually say what does it say?!?!?

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5/26/10 7:27 P

i had a customer ask me today if some of my coworkers were idiots... It was so tempting to say yes or some other phrase, fortunatly they hung up so i didn't have to answer.

if it wouldn't get me fired i would have liked to respond with: 1) Absolutly, but so are our customers. 2) some of them, but that what happens when you have no idea what you need and call the wrong department/ company
3) no, we are just like you. If you decide to wait 3 weeks before you call with an issue, then you have to talk to at least 3 people to solve it.

there are some others. i just can't think of them all now.

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5/26/10 8:10 A

I've heard this said to whiners....."please alert the media"......instantaneous end of whine.....

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5/25/10 11:25 P

Touché Popeyetheturtle!

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5/25/10 10:42 P

I wonder how Good Time felt about That!

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5/23/10 12:19 P

And don't we love the "deer in the headlights" look we get with our smart a$$ remarks?

Last night a group of bikers went for a ride and dinner. When the waitress came to take our order someone commented that some of us are together. Without missing a beat, I chimed in "yeah, and if you can guess which are, you get a tip". Everyone laughed. The waitress left to attend something else and when she returned she asked me who I was with - - without thinking, I told her. Everyone again laughed and I gave her kudos for being good. Of course she got even further on the last laugh, the gratuity was added onto our bills! Due to the size of our group, it would have anyway, but it's makes for a slightly amusing tale.

..."And a good time was had by all."

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5/23/10 10:04 A

yea I like that. how about general whine?? Please write me a 5 page report on how I don't give a sh*t? Or why you are telling me this?

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5/22/10 11:28 P

Mare,

Socially? Wow, I'd never thought to use it a situation like that. That's what having a number of bright lights in the sky can cause.

Improve synergistically!

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5/22/10 12:50 A

Er, or socially... yeah, socially. Like, the weather whine- "please write me a 5 page report on how it affects you, and what you think we could do to change it."
Great coffee table talk!

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5/21/10 5:32 P

I love these ideas! I'm going to ask for the written proposal next time I get bored in the weekly meeting.

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5/19/10 8:23 P

Pauline,

I have to confess that I'm that way, too.

I had to set down and think it through to put it just the way I wanted.

I just knew someone else would give me that whiny 13 year-old childish "stuff".

That question actually gave me a reputation as a boss who listens and encourages solutions. I just wanted to get them off my back and out of my office.

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5/19/10 8:02 P

I hear ya, Joyrider. I can only think of the right words waaaaaaaay too late. Fffffffttt!

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5/19/10 8:00 P

Pline, you're my kind of gal! I can be all good and diplomatic (believe it or not!), but I'm not sure I would have finessed it as nicely as Popeye!

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5/19/10 7:56 P

Ooooh! I like that one, Popeye. Do you think you could teach me to be politically correct? I am more of the get off the pot type, too.

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5/19/10 7:44 P

Nice going Popeye. That's like a professional-politically correct way of saying my "sh!t or get off the pot". Both would have a tendency to shut it down on the whining!

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5/19/10 6:43 P

Before retirement I'd listen, then say,"Good thought. Write me a five-page proposal how we could make it work more smoothly. I want it two weeks from Friday."

I did that twice in one department I supervised. BS complaints ceased totally.

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5/18/10 12:00 A

My absolute favorite statement to make when someone complains again and again about the same old thing and yet does nothing to alleviate the problem is:

Sh!t or get off the pot.

It usually stops them in their tracks and curtails me hearing the same old tales of woe yet again.

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5/17/10 8:30 P

I can so relate! I get the same question asked of me over and over and over, along about the 3rd time I usually say the answer will NOT change the more you ask it!

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5/17/10 8:26 P

Today, after listening to a rambling explanation with no viable information in it, I told a coworker I would start limiting his words.

It worked. He cut right to the point in three words flat.