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ANDRAXIA's Photo ANDRAXIA SparkPoints: (29,967)
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4/11/09 11:09 A

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Oh my God. A Sunday school teacher, the pastor's granddaughter was arrested for killing Sandra Cantu. This is so close to home that I want to scream. I met that child when she was much younger. Thank God they arrested someone but I still don't understand why it had to happen. The woman arrested had psychiatric problems. She drove herself to the police station and five hours later had told the police enough to warrant her arrest.

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ANDRAXIA's Photo ANDRAXIA SparkPoints: (29,967)
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4/7/09 3:33 P

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BUTTERFLYANGEL7- I have had the same task, having been sexually assaulted and in therapy because of it myself. It is not strange that you blanked, those actions and the pain is deeply wired in you and you really didn't have to process a lot to get the feelings out. You may have even realized things while you were writing that you hadn't in the past. It is not uncommon to block the memory of something that is also very traumatic out of your mind.
As for the cutting, I so hope your thinking of it doesn't mean you will do it again or plan to. It more than likely was caused by the trauma of that and other experiences that are traumatic because that happened to you. I have had similar regression events in my life, when I have wanted to or even considered doing something counteractive because it worked for me in the past. I don't mean was right, but satisfied my need for attention, expressed how I felt about myself. What has happened to you will always be in your mind, not letting it control your actions is the most important thing now. You struck a nerve in me, I have been there before. Not cutting but other self destructive behaviors I left behind a long time ago. You do have the strength to get past this, what was done to you is over don't let that person/memory wreck your life.

Edited by: ANDRAXIA at: 4/7/2009 (15:34)
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BUGGIE726's Photo BUGGIE726 SparkPoints: (0)
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4/6/09 4:31 P

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I'm not an expert. I've never been assaulted. I have cut in the past and knowing that there was someone out there that gave a damn about me really helped. Therapy also works. Good luck.

**~~June~~**

"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be." Douglas Adams
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*



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HOLLYCHARRIER's Photo HOLLYCHARRIER Posts: 595
4/6/09 2:35 A

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I have had very similar experiences! A couple of my family members sexually molested/abused me. I recently had to see two of them and I handled it quite well, if I do say so myself.

The writing exercise is wonderful because you get it out, then destroying it, frees you up to move on. The past is the past, it is/was hurtful, but you have moved on and made progress.

As for not remembering anything or "blacking out", tell your counselor about these episodes. You may need to try a different approach. It is never easy getting over something so traumatic, it takes time. If you have a good mind, great stamina and a wonderful friend as your support group/person, there is no way you can connect all the dolts!

Good luck and YAY for progress!

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ROSEANNALYNN's Photo ROSEANNALYNN Posts: 9,444
4/5/09 7:50 P

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Very cute kids! Still a good motivator to keep you focused! I love my nieces. I have 4 of them. 2 live in Hawaii and I haven't seen them in a couple of years and the other 2 live about an hour north of me.I don't get to see them often either. But they are great kids!

Rose


Every Time I hear that dirty word "Exercise" I wash my mouth out with "Chocolate" !!!!!!!!

Success is succeeding one more time than you fail!

I'm on a low-crap diet and a get-off-your-butt exercise plan.

I have lost myself, I have gone to find myself, should I return before I get back, Please have me wait!

If you are going through hell, keep going.
Sir Winston Churchill



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BUTTERFLYANGEL7 Posts: 1,788
4/5/09 4:30 P

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Rose...those are my nieces, I wish I could see them more often...but I did enjoy seeing them a couple weeks ago...anyway thanks for the support.

Monika

Even the smallest people can change the course of the future.
-Galadriel, Lord of the Rings fellowship of the ring.

Around here we don't look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening new doors and doing new things, because we're curious
and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.
-Walt Disney, Meet the Robinsons


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JSTINMT's Photo JSTINMT Posts: 2,470
4/5/09 1:17 P

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I've never had anything like this happen, but stress is a freaky thing for sure. You should be proud of yourself for dealing with your challenges, and putting yourself in a situation that, while difficult now, will surely help you overcome the grief!!

Big Hugs, I wish you the best!!!
Jane

Jane

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage. --Lao Tzu


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BLUEROSE73's Photo BLUEROSE73 SparkPoints: (120,090)
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4/5/09 11:26 A

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I have had that happen to me quite often. Still happens, but I am learning how to handle it. Those grounding exercises your therapist did are key to bringing you back. If you do not remember how to do them, sparkmail me. I can send you some instructions.

I have actually had my "autopilot" take me across the border once, and when I came back to "reality" I was in a strange place, in a different country. It can be a little scary.

Katrina
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You can only dream of tomorrow.
The only day you can change is today.
What are you going to do today to reach your goals of tomorrow?

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Go little Turtle Go!


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ROSEANNALYNN's Photo ROSEANNALYNN Posts: 9,444
4/5/09 10:57 A

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From another non-expert-my heart goes out to you. I've never had that happen to me and I pray that it never will. That is a nightmare in itself and then dealing with it afterwords, yikes! Sounds like you are trying the best you can to cope with the situation. I would definitely check with the doctor to rule out medical issues and then talk with the therapist if you are on meds and see if she would adjust them for you. However, on the other hand, if you can write the letter and tear it up with out cutting, it does sound like you are making baby steps towards healing.
Are those your kids? If so, focus on them. I know you went through a lot, but they need mommy with them! I hope that you find peace and understanding in this horrible situation.

emoticon
Rose


Every Time I hear that dirty word "Exercise" I wash my mouth out with "Chocolate" !!!!!!!!

Success is succeeding one more time than you fail!

I'm on a low-crap diet and a get-off-your-butt exercise plan.

I have lost myself, I have gone to find myself, should I return before I get back, Please have me wait!

If you are going through hell, keep going.
Sir Winston Churchill



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KUZINKEITH's Photo KUZINKEITH SparkPoints: (0)
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4/5/09 9:55 A

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I don't know how I can help you -- I'm not qualified to mess with folks minds and/or meds. I haven't had blackouts since I quit drinking...and yours are way different. If it was happening to me, I'd double check the medications and get a brain scan. It sounds like something is mis-firing up there.
I hope you find some PEACE

PEACE
KEITH

If you let go a little you will have a little happiness.
If you let go a lot you will have a lot of happiness.
If you let go completely you will be free. - Ajahn Chah

I won't be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed, or numbered. (The Prisoner)

It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.
-- Aeschylus


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BUTTERFLYANGEL7 Posts: 1,788
4/5/09 1:23 A

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Today I have been feeling really weird....I feel so disconnected...Last night when I was doing as my therapist suggested and wrote a letter to the guy who sexually assaulted me and tell him how he has hurt me, before I wrote it I was worried it was going to cause me to completely flip out and want to cut again...instead while I wrote it I totally blanked out...I remember sitting down to do it, I remember pulling out the paper and starting to write, but after that I dont remember it...When I got up this morning I wasnt sure what happened...I did write it and I tore it up like my therapist suggested but I dont remember doing it...that is so weird...Then today while I was talking to her during my appointment I did about the same thing...my therapist had to pull me back and lead me through some grounding excersizes, I have had this happen before it happened a couple times when I was in school, I would miss whole lectures because something would trigger a flashback...but not quite like this...Right now I am really feeling lightheaded and disconnected...I think I just need some sleep now...sigh...anyway that is what is going on for me right now...just feeling weird...haha...big warm angel hugs for all.

Monika

Even the smallest people can change the course of the future.
-Galadriel, Lord of the Rings fellowship of the ring.

Around here we don't look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening new doors and doing new things, because we're curious
and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.
-Walt Disney, Meet the Robinsons


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