Author: Sorting Last Post on Top ↓ Message:
VEMAN1's Photo VEMAN1 SparkPoints: (42,089)
Fitness Minutes: (54,356)
Posts: 1,909
11/17/09 3:27 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
The local redneck got married and his honeymoon was the first time he'd been off the farm.

He'd saved for twenty years for this, so could afford a classy hotel.

Checking in he said "Me and the new Mrs. would like to hire yo'r best room for a week"

"Certainly sir" replied the receptionist. "Would you like the Bridal"?

He looked a bit uncertain, then said "Naw, reckon not, a'll just hang onto her ears 'til a get the hang of it"

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. - Aristotle.


 current weight: 253.4 
 
262
243
224
205
186
BARBARASDIET's Photo BARBARASDIET SparkPoints: (240,731)
Fitness Minutes: (102,392)
Posts: 14,690
11/16/09 1:24 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
guffaw

~Barbara~

"What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say....Ralph Waldo Emerson"


 current weight: 176.6 
 
218
202.5
187
171.5
156
VEMAN1's Photo VEMAN1 SparkPoints: (42,089)
Fitness Minutes: (54,356)
Posts: 1,909
11/16/09 7:49 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him.

"Well," Bubba began, "We wuz havin' a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, 'Hey, der ya fellows wanna go hunting?'"

"And then what happened?" the officer interrupted.

"From what I remember," Bubba said, "I stood up and said, 'Sure, I'm game.'"

(Taken from http://www.ahajokes.com/red88.html)

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. - Aristotle.


 current weight: 253.4 
 
262
243
224
205
186
CERBERUS_ARSTD's Photo CERBERUS_ARSTD Posts: 3,254
11/12/09 8:11 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
True!

emoticon

Linda

Are dogs man's best friend or are we theirs?

VEMAN1's Photo VEMAN1 SparkPoints: (42,089)
Fitness Minutes: (54,356)
Posts: 1,909
11/12/09 2:37 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
A little bit after the season...

You might be a red neck, if your pumpkin has more teeth than you do.

Edited by: VEMAN1 at: 11/12/2009 (14:37)
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. - Aristotle.


 current weight: 253.4 
 
262
243
224
205
186
CERBERUS_ARSTD's Photo CERBERUS_ARSTD Posts: 3,254
11/1/09 2:52 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
That story might have ended differently if the rope was tied to the fence where the feeder was?

Linda

Are dogs man's best friend or are we theirs?

BARBARASDIET's Photo BARBARASDIET SparkPoints: (240,731)
Fitness Minutes: (102,392)
Posts: 14,690
10/30/09 3:44 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
So wrong, so very wrong on so many levels, but so funny, so very funny......

~Barbara~

"What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say....Ralph Waldo Emerson"


 current weight: 176.6 
 
218
202.5
187
171.5
156
GRALLEN's Photo GRALLEN Posts: 20,043
10/27/09 12:30 P

Send Private Message
Reply
Very funny!!!

Welcome to the team!

Gail

Quit stuffing your face and face your stuff.
Be yourself, everyone else is taken.
I think therefore I am dangerous.
Don't make excuses, make changes.

See my photos on Flickr.
www.flickr.com/photos/blackheart904/

GRAMMIE1959's Photo GRAMMIE1959 Posts: 2,107
10/27/09 12:24 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
K so I'm new to this team. My brother-in-law sent me this. sorry it's a bit long but worth the read!




I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it.
The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there, (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over it's head, (to calm it down), then hog tie it and transport it home.
I filled the cattle feeder, then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it.
After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up -- 3 of them. I picked out .a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me.
I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell that it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation.
I took a step towards it...it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope and then received an education.
The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope.
That deer EXPLODED.
The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and some dignity.
A deer -- no chance. That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined. The only up side is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals. A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end
of that rope. I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around it's neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual.
Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in, so I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set up beforehand...kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back. Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist.
Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head -- almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts. The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective. It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim now), tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose. That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day. Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp. I learned a long time ago that, when an animal --like a horse --strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is to try and make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This usually will cause them to back down a bit so you can escape. This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy. I screamed like a girl and tried to turn and run.
The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.
Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering
your head. I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.
So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope to sort of even the odds.


Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.
Norman Vincent Peale



 current weight: 270.0 
 
280
266.25
252.5
238.75
225
JAYMURZ's Photo JAYMURZ Posts: 8,812
1/12/09 10:02 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Where do you get virgin wool from?

Ugly sheep.

Why yes, as a matter of fact I do blog:
bunnyboysbloggedyblather.blog
spot.com



Supposed Leader; Where'd I Park My Spaceship?
teams.sparkpeople.com/whereismyspac
eship



 current weight: 242.0 
 
278
258.5
239
219.5
200
LOEGAIRE's Photo LOEGAIRE Posts: 12,385
1/12/09 10:01 A

Send Private Message
Reply
What has six legs and four teeth?

Night shift at the Waffle House...

Do not try and think outside the box. Instead, only try to realize the truth. There is no box.
***
Good judgement comes from experience. Experience usually comes from bad judgement.
***
Live each day as if it's your last, because one day you'll be right.
***
Stop whining and DO something!
***
I have no shift key and I must scream.


 current weight: 210.0 
 
263
242.25
221.5
200.75
180
DRAGONLOVE Posts: 142
1/11/09 10:32 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
emoticon emoticon

 current weight: 219.0 
 
225
200
175
150
125
ROSEANNALYNN's Photo ROSEANNALYNN Posts: 9,444
1/4/09 7:02 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
emoticon

Thanks guys I needed the laugh today-spent the day with tummy issues...


Rose


Every Time I hear that dirty word "Exercise" I wash my mouth out with "Chocolate" !!!!!!!!

Success is succeeding one more time than you fail!

I'm on a low-crap diet and a get-off-your-butt exercise plan.

I have lost myself, I have gone to find myself, should I return before I get back, Please have me wait!

If you are going through hell, keep going.
Sir Winston Churchill



 current weight: 182.2 
 
210
197.5
185
172.5
160
ECLIPSED's Photo ECLIPSED SparkPoints: (103,852)
Fitness Minutes: (54,072)
Posts: 6,336
1/4/09 6:23 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Yea, and I hate to admit that I live right next door to West Virginia!

My brother sends me jokes on a daily basis. Too bad we can't post videos, I have some really good ones!

Trish

Start each new day with a commitment to do what's
right � regardless of what may come your way.


 Pounds lost: 4.0 
 
0
16.5
33
49.5
66
JAYMURZ's Photo JAYMURZ Posts: 8,812
1/4/09 6:15 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
OMG! Way too funny, and you even got several states as well!

Why yes, as a matter of fact I do blog:
bunnyboysbloggedyblather.blog
spot.com



Supposed Leader; Where'd I Park My Spaceship?
teams.sparkpeople.com/whereismyspac
eship



 current weight: 242.0 
 
278
258.5
239
219.5
200
ECLIPSED's Photo ECLIPSED SparkPoints: (103,852)
Fitness Minutes: (54,072)
Posts: 6,336
1/4/09 6:09 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
emoticon

Did you hear about the guy from Alabama who passed away and left his entire estate to his beloved widow -- but she can't touch it 'til she's 14?

How do you know when you're staying in a Kentucky hotel? When you call the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in my sink," and the front desk replies,"Go ahead."

How can you tell if a Tennessee redneck is married? There is dried tobacco juice on both sides of his pickup truck.

Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in West Virginia to 32? It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools!

What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Alabama? Documentaries.

Where was the toothbrush invented? Mississippi. If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.

A Georgia State trooper pulls over a pickup on I-75 and says to the driver, "Got any I.D.?" "Bout wut?"

Did you hear about the $3 million Arkansas State Lottery? The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.

Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Alabama burned down? Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park. The library was a total loss, too.
Both books - poof! - up in flames and he hadn't even finished coloring one of them.

emoticon

Trish

Start each new day with a commitment to do what's
right � regardless of what may come your way.


 Pounds lost: 4.0 
 
0
16.5
33
49.5
66
JAYMURZ's Photo JAYMURZ Posts: 8,812
1/4/09 5:37 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Dearest Redneck Son,

I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last Missouri family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice.. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure about it. I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.

About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.

Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle.

Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated; he burned for a day and a half...

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down!

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened.

Your Favourite Aunt,

Mom

Why yes, as a matter of fact I do blog:
bunnyboysbloggedyblather.blog
spot.com



Supposed Leader; Where'd I Park My Spaceship?
teams.sparkpeople.com/whereismyspac
eship



 current weight: 242.0 
 
278
258.5
239
219.5
200
ALYNN18's Photo ALYNN18 Posts: 1,252
1/2/09 12:52 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
emoticon

.::April Lynn::.




ECLIPSED's Photo ECLIPSED SparkPoints: (103,852)
Fitness Minutes: (54,072)
Posts: 6,336
12/28/08 11:47 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. A less costly alternative, said the doctor, was to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Alabama), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The Alabama man said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.

"Trust me, " said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count:

"1"

"2"

"3"

"4"

"5"

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand.

*This procedure also works in Kentucky, Mississippi, and West Virginia.



Trish

Start each new day with a commitment to do what's
right � regardless of what may come your way.


 Pounds lost: 4.0 
 
0
16.5
33
49.5
66
ECLIPSED's Photo ECLIPSED SparkPoints: (103,852)
Fitness Minutes: (54,072)
Posts: 6,336
12/28/08 11:43 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
A professor at the University of West Virginia is giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?"

About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've seen a ghost?"

About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"

15 students raise their hands.

"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"

3 students raise their hands.

"That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"

Billy Bob, way in the back raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."

The redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and begins to make is way up to the podium. As he reached the front of the room, the professor says,
"Well, so tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"

To which Billy Bob replied, "Shiiiiiit!!! From way back thar I thought you said "Goats"!!



Trish

Start each new day with a commitment to do what's
right � regardless of what may come your way.


 Pounds lost: 4.0 
 
0
16.5
33
49.5
66
ECLIPSED's Photo ECLIPSED SparkPoints: (103,852)
Fitness Minutes: (54,072)
Posts: 6,336
12/28/08 11:38 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Q. Do you know how rednecks practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!

Q: How do you circumcise a redneck?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.



Trish

Start each new day with a commitment to do what's
right � regardless of what may come your way.


 Pounds lost: 4.0 
 
0
16.5
33
49.5
66
GRALLEN's Photo GRALLEN Posts: 20,043
12/15/08 10:28 A

Send Private Message
Reply
The National Poetry Contest had come down to two semi-finalists, a Yale graduate and a redneck from Arkansas. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word a come up with a poem that contained the word.

The word they were given was "Timbuktu."

First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said...

Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan,
Men on camels, two by two,
Destination-Timbuktu.

The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited...

Me and Tim a huntin' went,
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.

The redneck won, hands down!

Gail

Quit stuffing your face and face your stuff.
Be yourself, everyone else is taken.
I think therefore I am dangerous.
Don't make excuses, make changes.

See my photos on Flickr.
www.flickr.com/photos/blackheart904/

GRALLEN's Photo GRALLEN Posts: 20,043
12/3/08 10:29 P

Send Private Message
Reply
ROTFLMAO!!!!!

Gail

Quit stuffing your face and face your stuff.
Be yourself, everyone else is taken.
I think therefore I am dangerous.
Don't make excuses, make changes.

See my photos on Flickr.
www.flickr.com/photos/blackheart904/

JAYMURZ's Photo JAYMURZ Posts: 8,812
12/3/08 10:22 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Bubba died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad and the morgue needed someone to identify the body. So his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer,were sent for. Daryl went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Daryl said, "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over." So the mortician rolled him over and Daryl looked and said, "Nope, ain't Bubba." The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Gomer looked down and said, "No, it ain't Bubba. "The mortician asked, "How can you tell?" Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two buttholes." "What? He had two buttholes?", said the mortician. "Yup, everyone in town knew it. Every time we went to town, folks would say, "Here comes Bubba with them two buttholes..."

Why yes, as a matter of fact I do blog:
bunnyboysbloggedyblather.blog
spot.com



Supposed Leader; Where'd I Park My Spaceship?
teams.sparkpeople.com/whereismyspac
eship



 current weight: 242.0 
 
278
258.5
239
219.5
200
GRALLEN's Photo GRALLEN Posts: 20,043
11/30/08 3:45 P

Send Private Message
Reply
LMAO!!

Gail

Quit stuffing your face and face your stuff.
Be yourself, everyone else is taken.
I think therefore I am dangerous.
Don't make excuses, make changes.

See my photos on Flickr.
www.flickr.com/photos/blackheart904/

JAYMURZ's Photo JAYMURZ Posts: 8,812
11/30/08 3:42 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Thank you for purchasing 'Bubba & Cooter's Book of Sure-fire Pick-up Lines' brought to you by Bubba & Cooter. Enjoy!


1) Did you fart?
cuz you blew me away.

2) Are yer parents retarded?
cuz ya sure are special.

3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea
I can't hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card?
cuz I'd like to sign you out

5) Is there a mirror in yer pants?
cuz I can see myself in em.

6) If you was a tree & I was a Squirrel,
I'd store my nuts in yer hole.

7) You might not be the best lookin girl here,
but beauty's only a light switch away.

8) Man - 'Fat Penguin!'
Woman - 'WHAT?'
Man - 'I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.'

9) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone,
but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him?
I think he went inta this cheap motel room...

11) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin,
we kin sleep til afternoon.


AND.. the best for last!

13) Yer face reminds me of a wrench,
every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up



Why yes, as a matter of fact I do blog:
bunnyboysbloggedyblather.blog
spot.com



Supposed Leader; Where'd I Park My Spaceship?
teams.sparkpeople.com/whereismyspac
eship



 current weight: 242.0 
 
278
258.5
239
219.5
200
JAYMURZ's Photo JAYMURZ Posts: 8,812
11/14/08 1:59 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex.

"It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours," Clem recalled.

"That sounds wonderful," said Jed.

"Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us."

"Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?"

"Moooooo..."

Why yes, as a matter of fact I do blog:
bunnyboysbloggedyblather.blog
spot.com



Supposed Leader; Where'd I Park My Spaceship?
teams.sparkpeople.com/whereismyspac
eship



 current weight: 242.0 
 
278
258.5
239
219.5
200
LOEGAIRE's Photo LOEGAIRE Posts: 12,385
11/14/08 9:03 A

Send Private Message
Reply
What has 6 teeth and 6 legs?

Night shift at the Waffle House.

Do not try and think outside the box. Instead, only try to realize the truth. There is no box.
***
Good judgement comes from experience. Experience usually comes from bad judgement.
***
Live each day as if it's your last, because one day you'll be right.
***
Stop whining and DO something!
***
I have no shift key and I must scream.


 current weight: 210.0 
 
263
242.25
221.5
200.75
180
JAYMURZ's Photo JAYMURZ Posts: 8,812
11/14/08 8:13 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I love going to my family reunion... and finding a date! ;p

Why yes, as a matter of fact I do blog:
bunnyboysbloggedyblather.blog
spot.com



Supposed Leader; Where'd I Park My Spaceship?
teams.sparkpeople.com/whereismyspac
eship



 current weight: 242.0 
 
278
258.5
239
219.5
200
HOFMAE's Photo HOFMAE Posts: 2,957
11/13/08 11:14 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Y'all appear to be discussing my last family reunion!! LOL

I love redneck jokes-these are all great!

Liz :)

"This is neither the time nor the place for common sense"

"Never ascribe to malice that which can adequately be explained by incompetence"


 current weight: 170.0 
 
170
166.25
162.5
158.75
155
GRALLEN's Photo GRALLEN Posts: 20,043
11/12/08 10:33 A

Send Private Message
Reply
Oh gawd, that's bad. ewwwwwww
emoticon

Gail

Quit stuffing your face and face your stuff.
Be yourself, everyone else is taken.
I think therefore I am dangerous.
Don't make excuses, make changes.

See my photos on Flickr.
www.flickr.com/photos/blackheart904/

LOEGAIRE's Photo LOEGAIRE Posts: 12,385
11/12/08 10:06 A

Send Private Message
Reply
Bubba and Jim-Bob cashed in on the coal operation they owned, and decide to take a trek through the Andes with some of their money.

On the third day, they're up on a peak, miles from civilization, when Bubba announces he needs to step behind a bush to relieve himself.

"Aw dang!" comes Bubba's voice. "I ain't got nothin' to wipe with, and I don't want to git pizen ivy or such from these leaves. You got any paper, Jim-Bob?"

Disgusted, J-B shoots back, "Hell, yer rich, ain't ye? Just use a dollar!"

A few minutes later, Bubba comes out of the bushes looking very grumpy and uncomfortable.

"What's with ye?" JB asks.

"Well, thanks to you and yer bright idea, not only are my hands covered with s**t, I got 4 quarters stuck in my tuckus!"

Do not try and think outside the box. Instead, only try to realize the truth. There is no box.
***
Good judgement comes from experience. Experience usually comes from bad judgement.
***
Live each day as if it's your last, because one day you'll be right.
***
Stop whining and DO something!
***
I have no shift key and I must scream.


 current weight: 210.0 
 
263
242.25
221.5
200.75
180
GRALLEN's Photo GRALLEN Posts: 20,043
11/12/08 9:08 A

Send Private Message
Reply
LMOA, that's a good one!

Gail

Quit stuffing your face and face your stuff.
Be yourself, everyone else is taken.
I think therefore I am dangerous.
Don't make excuses, make changes.

See my photos on Flickr.
www.flickr.com/photos/blackheart904/

JAYMURZ's Photo JAYMURZ Posts: 8,812
11/12/08 8:56 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
LOL, doesn't really matter... I have no idea who I am most of the time anyways...

Elk Hunting
Bubba and Jake chartered a plane with a pilot to drop them off in the wilds of Alaska for a week of elk hunting, just the same as they did the year before. When the pilot returned with the plane Bubba exclaimed joyfully to the pilot, "We had a great hunting trip! We bagged four elk!"

The pilot regretfully explained, "Unfortunately, our plane can only fly with the weight of two elk. You'll have to leave the other two behind."

Bubba and Jake were both infuriated and insistent. "We won't allow you to fly this plane out without all four elk," Jake demanded.

The eager to please pilot relented and the plane took off with the three of them and their four elk. About fifteen minutes into the flight the engine started to sputter, and within seconds they were hurtling to the ground.

Wearily arising from the wreckage, Bubba looked at Jake and wheezed, "Do you have any idea where we are?"

Jake, quite pleased with himself, replied, "Yes! We're about a mile from where we crashed last year."

Why yes, as a matter of fact I do blog:
bunnyboysbloggedyblather.blog
spot.com



Supposed Leader; Where'd I Park My Spaceship?
teams.sparkpeople.com/whereismyspac
eship



 current weight: 242.0 
 
278
258.5
239
219.5
200
GRALLEN's Photo GRALLEN Posts: 20,043
11/11/08 9:14 P

Send Private Message
Reply
Oh shoot guys!! He FOUND us. hehehehe just kidding of course. Or am I?

Gail

Quit stuffing your face and face your stuff.
Be yourself, everyone else is taken.
I think therefore I am dangerous.
Don't make excuses, make changes.

See my photos on Flickr.
www.flickr.com/photos/blackheart904/

JAYMURZ's Photo JAYMURZ Posts: 8,812
11/11/08 8:01 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Q: What do you call an Redneck farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A: A pimp.

Ya'll thought ya could hide from me, huh? LOL!

Why yes, as a matter of fact I do blog:
bunnyboysbloggedyblather.blog
spot.com



Supposed Leader; Where'd I Park My Spaceship?
teams.sparkpeople.com/whereismyspac
eship



 current weight: 242.0 
 
278
258.5
239
219.5
200
MY_AGREEMENT's Photo MY_AGREEMENT SparkPoints: (43,638)
Fitness Minutes: (47,310)
Posts: 6,191
10/22/08 1:48 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I live in North Carolina. 'Nuff said.

--Marsha

Virtual Walk challenge, from Durham, NC to Modesto, CA: 2995 miles
2702.49 miles walked so far
Passing through Toiyabe National Forest in NV
292.51 miles left to go!

Just keep swimming ...


 July Minutes: 810
 
0
70
140
210
280
LIL_FIRESTORM's Photo LIL_FIRESTORM Posts: 96
10/22/08 12:36 P

My SparkPage
Reply
emoticon Love it!

Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
Confucius


 current weight: 194.2 
 
280
246.25
212.5
178.75
145
TA2DMOM's Photo TA2DMOM Posts: 1,171
10/22/08 10:41 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I live right by the Las Vegas speedway so every March, I get inundated with Nascar fans ;).

Kristin

Never regret something that once made you smile. ~Anonymous~

Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle. ~Plato~

Love Everyone. Trust Very Few. Harm No one. ~Yau Man~


 Pounds lost: 12.0 
 
0
34
68
102
136
LOEGAIRE's Photo LOEGAIRE Posts: 12,385
10/22/08 8:11 A

Send Private Message
Reply
I live near Bristol, VA. Race weekends at the Bristol Motor Speedway attract some fairly scary redneck NASCAR fans...

Redneck dating:
"Hey, darlin'...git yer sweet @ss in the truck!"

Do not try and think outside the box. Instead, only try to realize the truth. There is no box.
***
Good judgement comes from experience. Experience usually comes from bad judgement.
***
Live each day as if it's your last, because one day you'll be right.
***
Stop whining and DO something!
***
I have no shift key and I must scream.


 current weight: 210.0 
 
263
242.25
221.5
200.75
180
CHILLMAMA's Photo CHILLMAMA Posts: 2,763
10/22/08 6:43 A

Send Private Message
Reply
LOL...we are a bunch of "rednecks" huh?! I love Nascar...GO JIMMY! I drink beer while watching it every time!

 current weight: 163.0 
 
195
182.5
170
157.5
145
ROSEANNALYNN's Photo ROSEANNALYNN Posts: 9,444
10/21/08 11:48 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Drink beer but haven't watched much Nascar. DH goes to Nascar once a year on father's day weekend-let's just say, I'm not sure how he remembers the weekends...

Every Time I hear that dirty word "Exercise" I wash my mouth out with "Chocolate" !!!!!!!!

Success is succeeding one more time than you fail!

I'm on a low-crap diet and a get-off-your-butt exercise plan.

I have lost myself, I have gone to find myself, should I return before I get back, Please have me wait!

If you are going through hell, keep going.
Sir Winston Churchill



 current weight: 182.2 
 
210
197.5
185
172.5
160
MY_AGREEMENT's Photo MY_AGREEMENT SparkPoints: (43,638)
Fitness Minutes: (47,310)
Posts: 6,191
10/21/08 8:24 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I drive my sweetie's truck sometimes ... and I drink beer and eat peanuts at the baseball game. Not quite NASCAR, but it's getting there.

--Marsha

Virtual Walk challenge, from Durham, NC to Modesto, CA: 2995 miles
2702.49 miles walked so far
Passing through Toiyabe National Forest in NV
292.51 miles left to go!

Just keep swimming ...


 July Minutes: 810
 
0
70
140
210
280
GRALLEN's Photo GRALLEN Posts: 20,043
10/21/08 8:22 P

Send Private Message
Reply
I'm with you Rose. I drive a truck too. I also drink beer and watch NASCAR. teehee

Gail

Quit stuffing your face and face your stuff.
Be yourself, everyone else is taken.
I think therefore I am dangerous.
Don't make excuses, make changes.

See my photos on Flickr.
www.flickr.com/photos/blackheart904/

MAUREEN19640824's Photo MAUREEN19640824 Posts: 10,340
10/21/08 7:53 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
snort!

Joy is the best makeup.
-Anne Lamott

My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.
-Author Unknown


Total SparkPoints: 41,551
 
40,000
42,499
44,999
47,499
49,999
SparkPoints Level 16
ROSEANNALYNN's Photo ROSEANNALYNN Posts: 9,444
10/21/08 5:30 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Always love a good redneck joke-Yep. I am proud to say that I am one. I drive my pick up truck and drive snowmobiles in the winter. I probably shouldn't admit this...lol!

Every Time I hear that dirty word "Exercise" I wash my mouth out with "Chocolate" !!!!!!!!

Success is succeeding one more time than you fail!

I'm on a low-crap diet and a get-off-your-butt exercise plan.

I have lost myself, I have gone to find myself, should I return before I get back, Please have me wait!

If you are going through hell, keep going.
Sir Winston Churchill



 current weight: 182.2 
 
210
197.5
185
172.5
160
GRALLEN's Photo GRALLEN Posts: 20,043
10/21/08 1:49 P

Send Private Message
Reply
LMAO!!!

Gail

Quit stuffing your face and face your stuff.
Be yourself, everyone else is taken.
I think therefore I am dangerous.
Don't make excuses, make changes.

See my photos on Flickr.
www.flickr.com/photos/blackheart904/

LOEGAIRE's Photo LOEGAIRE Posts: 12,385
10/21/08 1:47 P

Send Private Message
Reply
The redneck's last words; "Y'all c'mere and watch this!"

His friend's last words? "Aw, hell. I can do that!"

Do not try and think outside the box. Instead, only try to realize the truth. There is no box.
***
Good judgement comes from experience. Experience usually comes from bad judgement.
***
Live each day as if it's your last, because one day you'll be right.
***
Stop whining and DO something!
***
I have no shift key and I must scream.


 current weight: 210.0 
 
263
242.25
221.5
200.75
180
MY_AGREEMENT's Photo MY_AGREEMENT SparkPoints: (43,638)
Fitness Minutes: (47,310)
Posts: 6,191
10/21/08 1:44 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Wow, redneck jokes I hadn't seen yet ... good ones!

--Marsha

Virtual Walk challenge, from Durham, NC to Modesto, CA: 2995 miles
2702.49 miles walked so far
Passing through Toiyabe National Forest in NV
292.51 miles left to go!

Just keep swimming ...


 July Minutes: 810
 
0
70
140
210
280
CHILLMAMA's Photo CHILLMAMA Posts: 2,763
10/21/08 1:39 P

Send Private Message
Reply
Too funny! I'll have to print these out and give them to my ex...I think his family will relate!!!!! emoticon

 current weight: 163.0 
 
195
182.5
170
157.5
145
GRALLEN's Photo GRALLEN Posts: 20,043
10/21/08 12:32 P

Send Private Message
Reply
HAHAHAHAHA! These are GOOD!

Gail

Quit stuffing your face and face your stuff.
Be yourself, everyone else is taken.
I think therefore I am dangerous.
Don't make excuses, make changes.

See my photos on Flickr.
www.flickr.com/photos/blackheart904/

TA2DMOM's Photo TA2DMOM Posts: 1,171
10/21/08 12:28 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
You're An EXTREME Redneck When.....

1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4. You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.

5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

6. Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, guys, watch this."

7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

9. Your junior prom offered day care.

10. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines. "

11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.



Kristin

Never regret something that once made you smile. ~Anonymous~

Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle. ~Plato~

Love Everyone. Trust Very Few. Harm No one. ~Yau Man~


 Pounds lost: 12.0 
 
0
34
68
102
136
Page: 1 of (1)   1

Report Innappropriate Post

Other Sarcastics Unlimited General Team Discussion Forum Posts

Topics: Last Post:
Why does it keep being the week-end, 4/6/2014 11:45:07 AM
Please State How You REALLY FEEL About Stupidity~ 7/14/2013 1:10:48 AM
adventures 1/20/2014 4:32:32 PM
Huddle or Chatter? 12/31/2013 5:23:42 PM
Pun, Pass & Kick Contest (- Pass & Kick) 3/10/2014 10:59:48 PM

Thread URL: http://www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/team_messageboard_thread.asp?board=0x4459x19527302

Review our Community Guidelines