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CHERYL_ANNE's Photo CHERYL_ANNE SparkPoints: (65,294)
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12/23/12 11:41 A

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Miller - all of us break when we reach our breaking point. We're only human. And we can only do so much - more on the days we feel strong and less on the days we don't.

Your actions through the day you described are those of a caring and compassionate person to others but didn't receive it in turn, so you fed yourself with food - instead of with good feelings.

Been there, done that, and still want to do it. And I try my best not to let it happen. But sometimes it does and all I can hope for is that I catch myself and I stop.

I will always be that not normal weird but sweet girl that some people don't get. And I'm learning that it's their problem - not mine, and the only person I can control is me.

Be gentle with yourself. You are the only you that you have.

And your fellow team members are here to support you, too!





FIT4LIFEIN14's Photo FIT4LIFEIN14 Posts: 616
12/23/12 9:34 A

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You are such a good person and so caring. Be good to yourself. You are a special, wonderful person. Many of us share the eating issue you discribed, but just because we overeat at time, does not mean we aren't good, kind, creative, etc. You will find the answers for you if you keep searching, but maybe what you need right now is a very good sleep. Hugs,


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NANCYPAT1's Photo NANCYPAT1 Posts: 44,708
12/22/12 9:28 A

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So much of what you said in the original post reflects how most of us have behaved either in the past or even in the present. Wherever we are on our journey, the most important lesson we must learn is that days like that happen. We can plan to reduce the impact, the reduce the frequency, to minimize the damage, but mostly we need to learn to love ourselves and forgive ourselves for our humanness. When those days happen, we need to simply forgive and move on making better and healthier choices going forward. Some things that help are to have a plan in place (even one that doesn't always work, provides a starting place) to deal with similar situations that come up in the future. Having healthy foods available and accessible helps. Getting rid of unhealthy choices helps. For some having alternative activities or things that keep your hands busy and you mind occupied can help. Look at each episode as a learning experience and move FORWARD as best you can making healthy wholesome choices in the FUTURE.

With love and caring from Nancy ... wishing all of you a wonderful, blessed, and precious day.



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JHITCHCOC's Photo JHITCHCOC Posts: 113
12/22/12 9:13 A

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Have you tried OA?

Jill Bedford


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MILLERISHEALTHY's Photo MILLERISHEALTHY Posts: 5,959
12/22/12 8:32 A

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Thank you all for your support and comments, and especially the encouragement. I do need to do some of the things that have been suggested.

I feel a bit better this morning. When I'm very down, and physically tired, things may seem worse than they are. I still have those same problems this morning, but things are better because it's morning and the sun is shining.

Thanks to each and every one who replied. I appreciate every single comment that was made and I will take each suggestion to heart and try to make the necessary changes to help myself.

Thanks again,

Miller

Edited by: MILLERISHEALTHY at: 12/22/2012 (08:33)
"The present is what slips by us while we’re pondering the past and worrying about the future. - Ziggy

"The groundwork of all happiness is health."
Leigh Hunt

"Comparison is the thief of joy."
Theodore Roosevelt


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SARAHF_92 SparkPoints: (355)
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12/22/12 3:49 A

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In addition to the meds, are you also seeing a counselor? I think it would help you to talk to someone.

Also, your profile says that food is the only fun in your life. You need to change that! How about taking a class of some kind, or joining a group that shares your interests. Do you have a job? If there's some reason you can't work, how about volunteering. Helping someone else might make you less focused on your own problems.

You need to realize the things you listed as problems in your message are things we ALL deal with. No one is "normal." I ate a whole box of cookies yesterday, plus a giant chocolate bar that I received as gifts. But tomorrow I'm going to get up and try AGAIN to make healthy choices. I'm going to drag myself to the gym, where I haven't set foot in months.

I just want you to know that you're not alone in your struggles. But it is up to you to make an action plan to turn things around.


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SARAHF_92 SparkPoints: (355)
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12/22/12 3:47 A

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In addition to the meds, are you also seeing a counselor? I think it would help you to talk to someone.

Also, your profile says that food is the only fun in your life. You need to change that! How about taking a class of some kind, or joining a group that shares your interests. Do you have a job? If there's some reason you can't work, how about volunteering. Helping someone else might make you less focused on your own problems.

You need to realize the things you listed as problems in your message are things we ALL deal with. No one is "normal." I ate a whole box of cookies yesterday, plus a giant chocolate bar that I received as gifts. But tomorrow I'm going to get up and try AGAIN to make healthy choices. I'm going to drag myself to the gym, where I haven't set foot in months.

I just want you to know that you're not alone in your struggles. But it is up to you to make an action plan to turn things around.


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OCEANLUVR's Photo OCEANLUVR Posts: 911
12/22/12 1:00 A

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Sounds like you have many triggers for wanting to overeat.

Pretend there is a full length mirror in front of you while gourging junk..
How is the reflection?
Remind yourself
One body has been given to us..
We have many moments everyday to decide..triggers are pulled...
Abuse our body and lose our health..physical & mental
or
Resolve to preserve, protect and enjoy this body and the gift of life!!

You can do this...

Never trade what you want at the moment for what you WANT MOST!!!

P- U- S- H
Pursue, until, something, happens!!


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NFLATTE's Photo NFLATTE SparkPoints: (187,038)
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12/21/12 11:29 P

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The holidays can spur these behaviors....It can be a tough time... emoticon

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DEBBIEANNE1124's Photo DEBBIEANNE1124 SparkPoints: (96,889)
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12/21/12 10:33 P

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I'm really sorry you're dealing with all of this. Perhaps calling a friend or journally might help you. Have you tried out your blogs on your spark apge If you ahve medical insurance perhaps you should see a specialist for your binge eating disorder? Best to you.



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MILLERISHEALTHY's Photo MILLERISHEALTHY Posts: 5,959
12/21/12 10:29 P

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Thank you, NancyPat.

"The present is what slips by us while we’re pondering the past and worrying about the future. - Ziggy

"The groundwork of all happiness is health."
Leigh Hunt

"Comparison is the thief of joy."
Theodore Roosevelt


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NANCYPAT1's Photo NANCYPAT1 Posts: 44,708
12/21/12 10:27 P

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Prayers for peace for ou.

With love and caring from Nancy ... wishing all of you a wonderful, blessed, and precious day.



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MILLERISHEALTHY's Photo MILLERISHEALTHY Posts: 5,959
12/21/12 10:24 P

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Yes, I already takes meds for depression & anxiety, but I never get up to a truly therapeutic dosage because I'm very sensitive to side effects.

Thanks for replying - makes me feel less alone.


"The present is what slips by us while we’re pondering the past and worrying about the future. - Ziggy

"The groundwork of all happiness is health."
Leigh Hunt

"Comparison is the thief of joy."
Theodore Roosevelt


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SPARTAGIRL123's Photo SPARTAGIRL123 SparkPoints: (2,032)
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12/21/12 10:19 P

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Do something nice for yourself and just relax. You are wonderful and worth not giving up on. Take a bath or watch a funny movie. You deserve to relax! Have you thought about medication for depression and anxiety?

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MILLERISHEALTHY's Photo MILLERISHEALTHY Posts: 5,959
12/21/12 10:10 P

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I have been over my calorie goals most days for a long time now. But tonight, I binged until I feel I could actually throw up,. In fact, I would probably feel better if I did. I hate to throw up, though, so I'll just wait until the nausea passes. I don't know what my poor body is going to do if I keep treating it this way. I am so disgusted with myself. I don't usually go this far.

I did have a lot of extra stress today - had to go to my mother's and her mild dementia is driving me crazy - it's horrible to see someone losing it more and more all the time. On the way to her home I came upon an auto accident. Several cars had stopped to help, but they were all helping the man who (it turned out) was at fault. I saw the other car in a low ditch and noticed that the air bags had deployed, so I knew they had been in the accident. I don't think they were badly hurt, but the woman driving was crying and so scared and upset - she was on the phone with 911 and she handed it to me. I tried to help keep her and her husband calm and reassured until the professionals arrived and then I left. It upset me, but I didn't realize it until later.

Then I got a giant splinter in my finger from mother's ramp - she has to use a walker - had to go by the store and buy groceries and lots of things we needed. Got the splinter out with a needle, showered, cooked dinner and then my husband came home and treated me very shabbily. He had a bad day also, but I didn't deserve the way he was treating me. Even before that, I felt a mantle of depression settle on me, but after that, there was no going back - I just ate and ate and ate.

I tried to get in touch with my feelings a while ago and this is what I came up with:
I'm so tired and so sad.

I'm not normal (depression, OCD, GAD)
My daughter is not normal (same as my diagnoses plus some physical & social problems)
My mother is losing her mind.
My extended family is fractured.
There is nothing to live for, except my daughter, but she hardly ever interacts with me normally, so I feel a disconnect there. I know I need to live as long as possible to be here to help her, but even that isn't enough to motivate me.




Edited by: MILLERISHEALTHY at: 12/24/2012 (20:24)
"The present is what slips by us while we’re pondering the past and worrying about the future. - Ziggy

"The groundwork of all happiness is health."
Leigh Hunt

"Comparison is the thief of joy."
Theodore Roosevelt


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