I really overdid it with emotional eating tonight. Usually, I can keep myself in check (if not perfectly, then at least to a minimum.) Tonight it just started to snowball and I didn't want to stop. I knew I was throwing myself one step closer to diabetes, but I guess I didn't care.
It's so stupid. When I feel sad and depressed and scared all the time, I finally get to a point where it's like I'm saying to myself, "d@mn it, I'm going to do something to help myself!!!" So I overeat. The stupid part is that the emotional eating is not "helping myself." It's killing me, but it's such an ingrained habit when I get really, really angry and stressed out.
I tried journaling, I tried blogging, I tried talking to my brother and my husband (they were no help at all).
I feel absolutely helpless to change certain things in my life (my sisters hatred for each other, my mother with dementia who we have to try to care for even though some of us aren't speaking, my brother is now moving away - just found out today - my mental illnesses aren't getting better - I've tried all the meds out there and they only get me to a place of "bearable" most days.
Why do I even try? I know why I try - because I don't want my daughter to be alone and it's the right thing to do. But I can't do it right. I'm too d@mn weak. I hate myself.
"The groundwork of all happiness is health."
"Comparison is the thief of joy."
| current weight: 214.2