Well, I'm sitting here eating emotionally on purpose. I know I'm doing it and I knew I was going to do it - I don't think there's any cure for that. I prayed and prayed and still felt the anxiety that everything is going wrong and I couldn't (or chose not to) leave the worry with God - instead I just went to the store and got a package of peanut M&M's. I don't need them, I don't even really want them, they weren't even that good (too sweet and I ate them too fast to enjoy them) but I just felt if I didn't have SOMETHING to comfort me and "fill" me with "help" that I was going to explode or die or something.
My daughter has missed college classes for a week. She went to the ER last Sunday night when she had constriction in her left side (all day) and then her chest, felt she couldn't breathe, was light-headed and her vision was blurry. After waiting two hours to see a doc - the symptoms were mostly gone. However, on Monday during a test, she couldn't think and broken down and started crying in class. Then she called and said she just wanted to come home. She hasn't been back. She has had "eye heaviness & pressure) along with a low-grade fever for a week now. They've tested her for mono, Epstein Barr, anemia, Vitamin D and B12 deficiency. Everything was okay except the vitamin D was extremely low & B12 borderline low. They called in a script for prescription vitamin D and on Friday, they finally called in an antibiotic.
Basically, she's not any better. My husband thinks she's not really that sick. He thinks that she's just burned out from the last 14 years of pushing and pushing herself to make straight A's in everything no matter what. She has OCD, depression, anxiety and some physical problems, but part of her OCD has always made her obsessively works for A's. She has no social life and has never had a boyfriend - all she does is study and play computer games. She's 21.
Here's my worry - after all these years of almost killing herself to make all A's, is it possible that she's not really that sick? Is it possible that she's just burned out? Could a young woman who has always cared too much about school suddenly just "go off it" and abandon all her goals and dreams? If so, should she take a semester off from college? We've already paid for the whole semester & it was really, really expensive. I'm scared for her future, I'm scared for my husband's job, I'm scared for my Mother's dementia, I'm scared because my sisters aren't speaking and my extended family is in tatters - I'm just scared to death - and those peanut M&M's didn't help at all. Now I'm crying. I don't know what to do about anything.
"The groundwork of all happiness is health."
"Comparison is the thief of joy."
| current weight: 214.2