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1/6/07 8:57 P

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Denise
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BABELALALA's Photo BABELALALA Posts: 3,406
1/6/07 8:52 P

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one way to get the exercise in, by hopping lol.
here i picture us doing the bunny hop, lol, lol.






 
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1/6/07 8:51 P

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yeah, i still fall back on the touch pad some times..but when i am typing, it is soo sensitive, i guess, that things start hopping around.

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BABELALALA's Photo BABELALALA Posts: 3,406
1/6/07 8:28 P

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i love my lap top, i take it everywhere and every room,i bought myself an external mouse, but by then i was so used to the touch pad that i cant use it, i guess it all depends what you get use to.






 
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1/6/07 6:24 P

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Thanks Neece, I needed that! Dot

Dot
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1/6/07 2:18 P

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Ohio, don't be sorry for loving ur kids so much. That is the most beautiful quality a person can have..giving everything for their children. The only down side to that, I find, is we constantly do battle for them and neglect ourselves. So just remember that while u fight ur battle for ur son, who sounds like a great child outside of the ODD, to take time to nurture u as well. Because if u don't the battle u fight for him will wear u out before it is done, and then what do u do??

And yes, I am feeling better about him. If I can just get him moving (which is very hard...he is very hard headed and doesn't like to do any thing that he construes as exercise) then I know we can lick this problem! And I told him last nite that when he starts Tae Kwon Do he will have to teach me the moves on the weekend. That will keep him excited for it ...or so I hope anyway!

PSS ..I hate touch pads on the lap top...anyone know how to turn them off...I have a CUTE littl portable mouse that works great...

Edited by: NEECE64 at: 1/6/2007 (14:19)
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1/6/07 9:23 A

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Neece, each time I read your post I can see that you are feeling better each day about your son. I am so glad for you, I well know the stress we put on ourselves worrying about our kids and their future.

Babe, it would take me way to long to give you all the info about ODD, just take it from me. He is defiant about the strangest things and when he decides he does not want to do something thing, dynamite will not budge him. I have learned that if I become dictatorial with him, I have lost the battle before I have begun. But, all I have to say is David, I need your help on this. Then I get the chore done in record time. It is all in how you talk to the ODD kid, teachers get demanding and he shuts down. Other than the ODD, he is a beautiful, loving, gentle young man with tons of compasion for others. He will be a good husband and father someday and his kids will cherish the ground he walks on. I know this becauce I have seen him in action with kids who have fallen and are crying for mommy and in seconds he has them laughing and forgetting all about the boo boo. When mom shows up it is all hugs and smiles. I just have to get him through school, the system. I have talks with him all the time about him just learning to work the system, I hate that I have to do it that way, but he has made great strides since 5th grade and it is not because of anything or any help the system provided. It is my constante vigilance and teaching him to just work the system.

Sorry Neece, I just live for my kids and he is the last one to get through public school, in just a little over 3 years (God willing) he will be in college and I know the learning environment will be more challenging for him and he will have an easier time of things.

Dot
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1/5/07 10:45 P

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thanks, and welcome to our group. i think once he gets into the tae kwon do class he will start to thin up. he just isn't active enough for all the eating he does!! u know...just had a thought...they say breast fed babies generally r healthier kids and adults weight wise...well, i breast fed him for 6 1/2 months..so that blows that theory outta the water!!! haha. leave it to my kid!!! emoticon

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KRISTILYN1963's Photo KRISTILYN1963 Posts: 35
1/5/07 10:40 P

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Hi, I'm new but have read all the posts for this topic and wanted to add something. I couldn't eat enough as a child. I was so anxious all the time that I would eat all the things I could sneak. Luckily I wasn't successful that often so I was just slightly overweight then. There are groups for overweight kids and/or kids with eating problems. They teach the kids about healthy eating and exercise and then support each other while the kids are working out their changes. Might check with your local hospital or phone a specialist in child eating disorders. Just my two cents. Good luck with all of this. And bless your heart for loving your son so much. He's a lucky boy!

 
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1/5/07 9:45 P

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i will be honest, i wish i could afford private school for my children. but it just isn't an option. we don't make enough money. and i don't know all the details, but George Bush has this "no child left behind" policy...but i don't see where it is working.

Andra, u need to chk out the new thread about butt kicking, cuz girl, if someone needs a butt kicking to get off their pity pott, u definitely r not afraid to give it!!! beautifultruth has started it.

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BABELALALA's Photo BABELALALA Posts: 3,406
1/5/07 9:41 P

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I thought that with President Carter, I think it was him, or his wife, implemented a law that all kids had a right to learn to read and write by the time they were in the 9th grade. I dont know all the facts about this because being in Canada it didnt apply to us, i believe it to be called ABC something or another. I thought that with this law, the States had alot more benefits then we did.
Anyway, so here my son got all the services he needed, and children like him, you know what the government did, they changed the coding of children like him and so that they dont get those services anymore. I thank God everyday, that he had gone through elementary school before they did that. In high school, there are 2 years of smaller classes, but after that these kids either sink of swim, where the school hopes they sink and drop out, so again i am fighting for him as much as I can. Wouldnt it have been nice just to send our kids to school, and have they get the education they needed.





 
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1/5/07 9:30 P

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shoot...here in texas all they r concerned about r their ratings in the TAKS testing. I don't know, we didn't have TAKS when I was a kid here; I went to school from 2 to 9th grade in Texas and never had to worry about anything except doing my school work and learning what was being taught by the teachers. Now a day the only thing the teach is how to pass the TAKS test so the school gets an 'OUTSTANDING' or 'EXECELLENCE' rating. Then when the kids have to go to Jr College FIRST before a 4 yr school everyone wonders why...i mean, the school is a school of excellence yada yada yada

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BABELALALA's Photo BABELALALA Posts: 3,406
1/5/07 9:12 P

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well then i am again glad i live in Canada, cause i also have a special needs child, i had him diagnosed by the hospital and had year follow up test there for him for about 4 years after that. the dr. gave me papers so that if he cannot find a job when he is 18 he can go on disability. He went for free private speech therapy, through a government program which the speech pathologist told me about at school, and she did one on one with him for about 4 years. My son also had one on one with a special trained person during the week. I had to fight for these things, and make sure that his iep was followed each year, but i got the services that he required. Once the school didnt want to make little adjustments for him in the class the teacher didnt think there was anything wrong and didnt want to, and i called the human right commission to sit on with us on a meeting, once the principal heard about that they were coming, she quick changed her tune, too bad all this had to be done with a fight each year, but i made sure he got what he needed. My son is dyslexic with developmental delays, which is basically a other way of saying reading and writing difficulties. There were other services that i got for him.
But most people dont know about these services, its like everything is such a big secret. I became a member of the special needs committee and learned alot and i joined the learning disability association. I did so much for my son which i didnt really need to had the school just been on track and tell me about things, but the old story, no one has time.





 
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1/5/07 1:24 P

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Babe, here in the states many school districts have cut out gym classes, music classes and feed our children horrible unhealthy food, so spending extra money on designing a cirriculum around the few children who like my own learn differently and have a unique educational requirements simply is not going to happen and I simply do not have the funds to provide him a private school, and quite honestly I can not provide him with home schooling either.

Dot
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BABELALALA's Photo BABELALALA Posts: 3,406
1/5/07 12:37 P

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maybe this is not the place, but the part about you feeling powerless getting him the education he needs.
Maybe in the States the system is different. I know they like to throw cut backs into our face, but when it comes to the childrens need they have a right.






 
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1/5/07 12:15 P

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Neece I am glad you are having positive feedback with your son. It is like losing weight it takes baby steps to make any kind of change. You are on the right track with your son. I do wish you all the luck and support that I can. From my previous post, you know I am well experienced in the frustration that comes from loving our kids and wanting the best for them.

Babe, I don't really understand what it is that you are questioning. I thought I explained quite a bit, but would be glad to answer your question.

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BABELALALA's Photo BABELALALA Posts: 3,406
1/4/07 10:55 P

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i dont understand why Dot, can you explain





 
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1/4/07 9:28 P

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Kathryn, he is so excited about it! and so am I. I talked to them today and it meets two nites a week for 45 minutes, and then afterwards he will swim while I am doing my thing!! He will be tired and ready for bed when we get home!!1

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KATHRYN_HOWARD's Photo KATHRYN_HOWARD Posts: 217
1/4/07 9:06 P

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Neece,

I hope he really likes the tae kwon do. And they are just so cute when they're young and learning to do their forms! It's especially nice that you can work out while he's doing his thing.

It can be done.


 
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1/4/07 8:40 P

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I did that when he was first diagnosed, do you want to know where it got me? One of his teachers called his therapist and talked him into putting my son on an antiphycotic (sp) drug in addition to a huge increase in his ADHD med. When school ended that year, only had 2 months left by that time, I took son out of therapy, took him off the drugs and started him on herbal meds. He took them for about 1 year and he is off all meds and supplements as of now and does a lot better. No, I do not trust the school and I will not put him through more. I just do the best that I can do with getting him to get assignments done and trying to covince him that he must do the things asked of him in order to get out of school. I keep promising college will be more interesting. I have faced the reality that as smart as he is, his first year of college will be in the local community college where he can realize that education does not have to be boring. Please believe me when I tell you this child is far from being uneducatable. If he were to be educated in the proper manner, he would make the teachers look under educated. At age 4-5 his vocabulary astounded me. He builds things since age 2-3 with lego that are incredible. His understanding of complex ideas are simply not to be believed. He has a file box full of drawings of future inventions with captions of how they should work. His imagination is boundless. Yet I am powerless to get him the education he so needs because of the system.

Dot
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BABELALALA's Photo BABELALALA Posts: 3,406
1/4/07 8:05 P

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why didnt you get him tested, then you could have shown the school the appropriate reports and he would have been put on an IEP (individual education plan) which would have followed him through every year of his education. If the school refuses to recognize the appropriate reports, threaten them with the human rights committee. These children have special rights and the school needs to abide by them.






 
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1/4/07 2:49 P

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Becky, yes in Ohio, and yes they have special things for special kids, they do not consider my son as a special needs child, just a disipline problem. It took me 4 years to get them to even recognise ODD as a problem, that was middle school, now he is in HS and I have not been able to get them to recognise that he needs to be handled differently and I have given up on the school system.

PS by disipline problem I do not mean that he interupts the class with inappropriate behaviour. He simply decides not to do assignments if he does not see the need to learn that or feels he has already learned enought of that and does not feel he needs to go over the material again. Hence he knows the material yet does not get good grades.

Dot
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1/3/07 10:48 P

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i am trying!! i can't wait to talk to that instructor tomorrow and get him signed up for next week!! he is going to love it....at least to start with! i hope he continues to!! but my evil mother plan is to have him teach me his moves. he loves it when he can teach me something!!! so that ought to keep him motivated! emoticon

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FIBERFINDER's Photo FIBERFINDER Posts: 1,299
1/3/07 10:44 P

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congrats Neece- sounds like your getting this thing into 'manageable mode'!!!

emoticon

"For I know the plans I have for you" says the LORD" plans to give you hope and a future."
JER.29:11

Where ever you are, be ALL there!!


 
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BECKYI's Photo BECKYI Posts: 2,520
1/3/07 10:12 P

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OHIOMOM,

I am going to assume you are in Ohio. Most school have a special education class. They are sometimes used for special needs kids like your son. I have a friend who has a nephew who has Aspergers disorder and ADHD and he is in special education in some things and regular classes in other things.

Becky

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1/3/07 9:28 P

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oh, today he only ate two of the peanut butter sandwichs and is really excited about the prospect of doing tae kwon do at the city rec center. it's an affordable price, 35 a month (since i already pay 40 for a family membership), instead of 65 a month...so i am going to call tomorrow and find out what we need to do to get him in it. and then after his session, he can swim while i do my water aerobics.

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1/3/07 4:32 P

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When my son was in 5th grade he was diagnosed with ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) it is co-morbid with ADHD. The point is this disorder has wreaked havoc in our lives, he is generally a loving, helpful young man, but if you tell him to do something it is like talking to a brick wall. We had him in therapy for 9 months, what I learned is this, I never tell him he HAS to do something such as chores. I pick my battles very carefully, but most importantly if I want him to do a chore, I tell him I need him to help me and could he do this thing. Believe me when I tell you it makes such a difference. I get done what I want and there is not battle. What I wish is that the schools would learn how to deal with ODD, they won't and he often refuses to do assignments. He is brillant and I feel we have failed him as there is no money to send him to a school that better suits him. My point is perhaps if you approach your son with I need your help, and find a way to make it seem like he is helping you by laying off the unnecessary snacks, he may feel differently. Just another thought.

Dot
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KATHRYN_HOWARD's Photo KATHRYN_HOWARD Posts: 217
1/3/07 3:48 P

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My little karate guy is now 14, 6' 1", size 13 feet, and the occasional rotten teenage attitude - I know what you mean. No advice here. lol.

My problem is more my 11-going-on-25 year old daughter, who at any given moment is on the verge of a hormonal rampage.

Parenthood is fun, no?

It can be done.


 
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1/3/07 3:43 P

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don't be sorry!! i appreciate the input. really, i do. my little bundle of joy is a handful and i need all the advice i can get with him....i got a 14 year old that likes to ride bulls and tell his mom and dad no when they tell him to do something too....if u got advice on what to do with him, aside from strangling him (he's taller and stronger than me, so he'd get outta my grip pretty easy!!) then please!! Chime in!! Seriously!!!

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KATHRYN_HOWARD's Photo KATHRYN_HOWARD Posts: 217
1/3/07 3:35 P

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Ack. Can't read today.

Yeh, that's the downside - it's not cheap. We went to a local karate academy, and there was the required belt testing and the occasional tournament. They weren't required to participate in all of them, but I seem to recall that they had to participate in something like one per year after they got to a certain level. My son was not very competitive and didn't have the urge to go to the tournaments often, which was fine with us. We were just so pleased with how it helped him along with maturity.

Edited by: KATHRYN_HOWARD at: 1/3/2007 (15:41)
It can be done.


 
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1/3/07 3:34 P

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actually, he does. his little friend from preschool/church does it. just gotta get some bills paid so we can afford the monthly fees. but i am very much leaning towards the program at the rec center, not cuz of cost, but because i don't have to worry about compititions. if he gets involved enough where he wants to compete, then we will see about going else where.

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KATHRYN_HOWARD's Photo KATHRYN_HOWARD Posts: 217
1/3/07 3:28 P

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Chiming in here on martial arts. My son was active in it for almost 7 years (from age 5-12). We got him into it, because we thought it would be a good disciplined sport for a squirmy, hyperactive 5 year old with a not-so-good attention span. And it turns out that it was - a great experience. It was great for discipline and it did amazing things for his coordination. He got tired of it eventually and wanted to just do certain school sports, but maybe someday he'll get back into it. If your son shows an interest, I highly recommend it.

It can be done.


 
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1/3/07 2:40 P

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yes, it is very hard. it just broke my heart today when i made him cry. so needless to say, it put me in a sour mood and i have been battling that all day...thus the pity party post....man, i just wish i knew how to do this the right way. but i did call him later just to tell him i love him. and my co-worker, meanie that he usually is, heard me talking to my son and when another call came in for me told them they'd have to call me back because i was on the other line... just when i think i can dislike him he does something nice like that and i am back to loving him again!!! but my little one was doing fine! and i told him he could have another peanut butter sandwich for lunch, tell daddy i said so...boy, u could hear him telling daddy too, when he gave daddy the phone!!!

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1/3/07 2:34 P

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Let us know how things are going, I have a teen who used to dance 5 hrs a day M-F and 8 hrs Sat and Sun and she quit dance but did not quit eating and has put on the pounds, so I know your heart break, I am constantly telling her she does not want to end up like me, trying to get her motivated. So far, no luck. It is very hard for me to keep my mouth shut and just let her learn what she has to learn on her own.

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1/3/07 11:45 A

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Andrea, there is a manuel???!!! Gosh darn it! Just wait till I talk to Dr. Rogers again. I'm gonna chew his butt for not telling me! lol! yeah, he loves his peanut butter and mayo. don't know what it is about the fatty stuff. I tell him p.b. is good for him....in the right amounts. like i said, we r going to ck into karate, or something along those lines, for him. he's not much interested in any thing where he has to run (can't say i blame him, not much of a runner myself). but he loves to dance and do kick boxing with me. i think one of the studio's offers classes at our rec center and i want to ck into that.

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KATHRYN_HOWARD's Photo KATHRYN_HOWARD Posts: 217
1/3/07 11:41 A

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My heart really goes out to you. It's one thing for us to battle this, but when it involves our kids it's another story.

I was thinking the same thing as OhioMom about going to the doctor and putting the rationale for the plan on him or her. Since the grandparents play such a pivotal role in this, they HAVE to be on board. There is no way around it. If they can't, I just can't see how you can let them continue to watch him on a daily basis.

It really does sound to me like he has some emotional issues with eating. Having to hide the peanut butter and then having him secretly eat it suggests a preoccupation with "forbidden foods". I do know with my kids, at least, the more emphasis there is on the problem, the bigger the problem can become. Do whatever you can to make healthful eating (all things in moderation) as engrained as brushing his teeth. I would be hesitant to be too restrictive to avoid developing a sense of some foods being forbidden. And don't let him see you dwell too much on your weight. Just walk the talk - eating and enjoying an occasional treat, getting out and being physically active. I think with kids, what we do has more impact than what we say.

Also, one trick I use with my kids to get them off their butts and outside (which sometimes happens during the long winter) is to assign them chores to complete outside. Often, they'll become sidetracked and start playing around. The sweeping doesn't necessarily get 100% completed, but they will have achieved my objective of getting out and doing something.

Hang in there and keep us posted.

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I will begin by stating I did not read everything in all the posts, so if I repeat, sorry.

1st take him to the doctor, tell the doctor what your concerns are and then let the doctor do a check up on your son. It the doctor feels that his weight is a problem, let the doctor tell your son he needs to eat less between meals, give him some easy to understand healthy eating charts, let him chart what he eats in a day and add up the calorie vs energy used to be outsie playing. Then, go to the library on the way home for age appropriate books on healthy snacks and healthy eating. Then armed with the info from your son's doctor tell the grandparents the doctor wants to see your son lose 5, 10 or how ever much pounds. Take the pressure off you and put it on the doctor, the doctor said he is overweight, the doctor said he need to loose, the doctor said he is in danger of being diabetic etc. Take the argument away from what it is you want and put it squarely at the doctors visit. Give grandparents a list of what are healthy snacks and how many your son can have each day after school. Tell grandma he has to take a 30 minute walk after eating each snack and she has to go with him.

I have a son who would eat all day if I let him, problem is he is growing like a weed, he is 14 yrs old and 5'10" and has never seen one ounce of extra weight all his life. With him I had the opposite problem, he was to thin most of his grade school years. He is athletic, plays soccer and baseball and wants to get back into wrestling. He started theses sports when he was 5-6 years old. Maybe you can try seeing if he is interested in playing baseball, sign-ups for little league should be coming soon. Maybe dad needs to take him out and play catch in the backyard. Only suggestions, hope I have at least gotten your brain to thinking of some sort of resolution.

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1/3/07 11:17 A

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Good morning Denise, lol, back to finding that peanut better hey, one thing i found with my kids is that went through stages and all they wanted was one food, like your son with his peanut butter. Give it to him, make him a peanut butter sandwich for lunch breakfast and dinner. I have a diploma in natural health and there just might be something in that peanut butter that his body needs rights now, who knows what it is, perhaps protein, fat, whatever it is, he body seems to be needing it to balance his other chemicals. Make the sandwiches in advance on a plate, cover it with plastic and tell him this is his food for the day, and add some celery sticks to that which he can dip in the peanut butter. In a couple of days, his body will signal him that he has had enough, and by the way peanut butter is suppose to be very healthy (in normal amounts, lol)kids!!! lol. My 10 year old is coming for a couple of days, his diet consists of chocolate, and cookies, we all have our problems right, i made organic muffins last week, that seem to have made him happy, and organic choc. muffin, he didnt know any better, was happy that i had made them for him, and i knew what ingredients he was getting. Why didnt you apply for that manual that comes with kids when they are born, oh you didnt know there was one, lol, neither did the rest of the world, but we could make a fortune if we ever sat down and wrote one, hmmm something to think about. we can call it Child care for Dummies, lol. Have a good one, Denise, dont worry to much, he will tire of the peanut butter soon enough, and then you'll find another thing to worry about... go with the flow and take time for yourself.





 
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yes, i was...and then this morning my daughter calls me at work and tells me he has found it again, so i had her put him on the phone and told him to stay out of the peanut butter and then felt like crap because he began to cry. i just don't know what to do. i don't want to cause emotional issues with the food, but i don't want him to go through life having kids make fun of him either. i'm to the point where i want to cry.

as far as the mil goes...i wasn't ugly, i just told her...this is what we r doing and this is why we r doing it.

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1/3/07 8:42 A

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Neece- sorry about the P/B incident, I am sure you were very frustrated. One thought about mother-in law, you can draw more flies w/ honey than vinegar!

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u definitely have, my friend. and congrads for another 7 hrs without liting up!! I am sooooo proud of you. remember, bad habits are hard to break and u r steadily chipping away at that habit, minute by minute, hour by hour. u can do it!! good nite and sweet dreams to u! emoticon

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1/2/07 10:15 P

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i would have loved to have seen that, just reading it makes me laugh, kids.. you'll do fine, one day when you are my age (50) ok 51, you'll look back and laugh at all that frustration and wish those days were still here. Just like nanny 911, repetition over and over of the good rules By the way i managed 7 hours again without smoking today. Hope that one day the day will come that i wont have that need to lite up. but i read yesterday as long as someone doesnt give up trying there is no failing.
Good night pretty lady. kiss that sweetheart goodnight from me, and a big hug to you. hope i have been of some help and support to you.






 
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he really is a good boy, just somewhat spoiled, being the youngest child. and he is so much my heart and soul and he knows that. i love to tell him the story of how when he was three and a half months old he played baby Jesus in the children's play at church. but he has always also been his own person and done whatever the heck he feels like! just like tonite. when i came home i got out some noodles and sauce for spagatti. he told me, well i guess i am just gonna have to go with out. he knows my rule is u eat what is being made or u wait until the next meal to eat (which in this case is breakfast!). and since he KNOWS THAT I STICK TO MY GUNS, i though....hmm can't believe how well he is taking this. well, when dinner was done i went in to make sure he didn't want to eat. he was sitting on his bed and had peanut butter all over his shirt and on chin (remember earlier i said i hid the peanut butter?). so i began to question him and discovered he had the jar of peanut butter in his lap - HIDING IT UNDER HIS COVERS!! i took it away and hid it AGAIN, in a different spot. oh, LORD HELP ME!!! THIS CHILD IS GOING TO BE MY ENDING!! emoticon

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Your no nut, i have talked to you alot for the last couple of days, and i find you a very level supportive lovely person. You know, when my mother got sick, it was a chance for me to get my daughter out of that rat hole, sorry that she got sick though, she had a toe amputated. Perhaps this is how you can get your son away from her by telling her how bad you feel for her and that it is for her own good that Boy beau doesnt come that often or stay that long, and then have that talk with your husband to not give him anything after supper unless its a healthy little snack, he doesnt really need a snack after supper though, perhaps a little jello and a glass of milk, or a banana. Have to learn ways to shrink his stomach so that he wont want a snack after supper. But whatever you do, do not let him become conscious of what you are doing, dont call him fat, overweight or anytthing like that. His frontal lobes are not developed enough to understand that, and he will feel like there is something wrong with him, but wont understand what, not something you want to do to him, he'll get self esteem problems galore, and will always feel like he is not good enough, and then he'll just go more to food to comfort him. Really look at yourself, and see if he is copying you in anyway, do you talk about loosing weight, or how you feel, or cry because whatever...., dont let him see any of that, cause he will feel something is wrong, but not understand what. Tell him how handsome he is, how strong he is, take him on walks with you, do some kind of exercise, does he like to dance, get him into soccer, baseball whatever to get him out of the kitchen and into sports and friends. Get snacks like yogurt, applesause, jello, fruit cups. As for his behavior problem there is a free course given on line. Go on google and type in effective parenting skills and there is lots of information on how to discipline children without punishing them, please do yourself the favor, stop bribing him, he will use this for the rest of his life with you, i know my daughter is now 20 and is still trying to do it, i finally got smart last year and said enough is enough, lol, learn from me lol. I wish someone would have talked to me.






 
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oh no, she is. that's part of the problem. there is always candy lurking at her house. but her children were not. no, not really. but they don't go out there as often, now that i am not in school anymore. papa has had his 2nd by-pass this last fall and he just isn't up for them like he used to be. she told my husband that they found blockage in her too..so she is going to the dr thursday?? and of course figures she will be having surgery soon. u see where this is going??? oh and she told me she will probably be given MORE meds to take. yes...yes...oh yes. fun fun fun. no wonder i am a nut!!

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i guessed that she was fat, my mother was and she wanted everyone to be fat with her. I thought maybe she was like my mother. Is there anyway you cannot send your son to her unless you are with him?







 
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bow bow bow...yes, it is very hard trying to talk to them about stuff...cuz u know, they've already raised their kids, yadah yadah yadah. but i can tell u, she NEVER had a weight problem with either my husband, nor his brother....they were both tall and skinny. my husband was 6'4 and 175 when we married. my oldest is just like him. i was so hoping the other two would be the same. I so did not want them to take after me.

oh, go to my sparks page...u can see the whole horrible truth. i put a before picture taken just today on there!! emoticon

Edited by: NEECE64 at: 1/2/2007 (21:28)
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1/2/07 9:22 P

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Standing ovation to you clap, clap, clap, tell her that is exactly what you want is to keep the boy "beau" which means beautiful in french. Stick to your guns, and make sure that she has the snacks you said he could eat, provide them so that she cant turn around and say that she didnt have such and such to give it to him. I always went by l0 lbs for every year. My ll year by the way weights about 80 lbs and is comes to my nose, i am 5 ft 4. Being over weight for a child can affect so many things once he becomes conscious of it, which being in school he'll hear about it soon enough. Listen we all know how we get treated being over weight, the last thing we want is for it repeat itself to our children. Kick boxing i heard is alot of fun.
I dont know about bribing a child, you might be opening up a can of worms you dont really want to be in later on. You are grooming him to be healthy not a manipulator. But again congrads on talking to the M.I.L. lady you got courage and alot of love for that boy of yours. Stick to your guns.






 
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well, at 6 yrs old, he weighs 90 lbs. i am trying to motivate him with money. i have told him for every 5 lbs he loses i will give him 5 dollars. that's on top of his dollar a week for behaving. we will see how that does. believe it or not, he loves saving money to go spend at the museum of natural science.

Oh, and andrea, i told her today when she stopped by that "here is what we are doing" and then spelled it out..breakfast snack lunch snack dinner snack...snacks r to be fruit or veggies or a nutrious cereal. she just kind of smirked but said okay. boy beau is really gonna love that! i told her oh well, he's gonna get healthy.

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1/2/07 8:11 P

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When my son was younger he was chunky and ate a lot. When he turned 10 he very low self esteem, hardly had any friends, and weighed almost as much as I did! When he started high school he actually started thinning out. Now he is a junior in high school 5'11" tall and weighs 155. Skateboards, walks, & jogs 1 hour a week. Hope that helps and is encouraging for you

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yeah, well, i probably don't. but we are going to look into getting him into karate. he and i have started doing kick boxing (kind of sort of...i've been teaching him round kicks and the punches). trying to lead by example. that's really the best i can do, other than making my husband talk to them.

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1/2/07 4:16 P

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are you sure your husband is able to stand up to his parents the way you want him to do. perhaps it is better for you to do it, as your husband might not see it the way you do it, or like in my family, God forbit if anyone stands up to them, talk about peace at all cost, we put up with so much crap, i wish they were still alive so that i could tell them how i really felt, but instead i lived a life in fear of her, and even after she had been dead i am still scared of her, sounds crazy, well it was a crazy life, that is why i can relate to a certain extend. I wanted to change babysitters, my mom babysat my daughter and i was too scared to do it, lucky, sounds horrible my mother got to sick to take care of my daughter and i got out of the situation. Today i look at it and think my gosh.....what a life, in the name of peace. sad really sad to have been in a situation like that. I hope you have more guts and courage then i did at that time. Live and learn they say right?






 
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1/2/07 2:17 P

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No no no. u weren't mean at all. it's hard to explain without sounding like a witchy daughter in law. but they have always been VERY active in my childrens lives. which to an extent i don't have a problem with. as a matter of fact, when they r having a hard time with the kids, i just kinda laugh and tell them, "well, they don't act that way with me. they know i won't put up with it"..kind of my way of telling them, well u r reaping what u sowed.
that's why i am going to have my husband talk to them. he and i have been discussing this and he knows how serious i am about it. i am sinking major bucks into a hypnotist to try and help me and i am not taking any of this litely.
and no, u weren't out of line. it is just really hard and frustrating for me on more levels than u could know...but then again, maybe not, cuz it sounds like u have experienced some of the same with ur mom...just let anyone else try to tell my kid they need to call them momma and they will have my boot in their u know what! thankfully i have never had that problem! but thank u for ur help and caring and give urself a bbbiiiiigggggg hug from me and beau!! emoticon emoticon

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1/2/07 1:18 P

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Sorry Denise, i didnt mean to be mean, but i do understand very well, my mother took over like she was the mom with my kids even wanted the kids to call her mama. Its a very hard job to do, but your son is at the beginning of his life, and he certainly doesnt the consequences in the name of family peace. I didnt say be mean to them, sit down with them and tell them you are concerned about his health now and in the future bring his snacks with him to their house, try to communicate that as best as you can without any hard feelings, perhaps there is someone else in the family you can talk to who came then communicate to them.
Sorry i might have been out of line, i dont mean to tell you what to do, but this is my opinion and i know how hard it is to do. Good luck Denise, give that little guy a hug from me. and you to Denise.






 
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1/2/07 11:50 A

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well, i just talked to hubby about it, cuz the kids r going over there today to stay the nite. i told him, he needs to lay it out to his mother what we r doing and these r the guidelines that need to be followed. no candy, only fruits and veggies for snacks. breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner, snack. that's it, no other eating. yes, it is my job to take care of my son...but u have to understand the involvement of grandparents. there r somethings u just can't do for the sake of family peace. believe me.

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1/2/07 11:42 A

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well i think you know what you need to do, but its not going to be easy is it, it perhaps will hurt some people. Perhaps you can go with your son to see papa and leave the rest to a babysitter. You cant let your son get hurt cause you dont want to hurt the grandparents, that isnt fair. I know its hard, older people are set in their ways, but you are the mom and this is your job to take care of your son.
Get your son to join some kind of club where he can be more active and burn up some of the calories and keep him busy other ways., Good luck Denise, if i can think of anything else ill let you know, but besides having those boundaries i dont know.






 
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well, my thoughts are this...i am going to have my husband talk to his mother. explain to her our goal for this year. and i plan on hounding his a** until he does it. because it only causes dissention if i do it...i have walked on egg shells most of my married life. and since he is a patrol deputy, he should be able to frequently stop by the house between the hrs of 3:45 and 5:30 to continously ck on Beau to make sure he isn't eating and eating and eating. oh yes girlfriend, there r issues. always have been. and yes, he does know who he can minuplate! and it is definitely not me!

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1/2/07 11:22 A

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I totally agree with you, by the way i added something for you Denise on the smoking site. You know you started of that there should not be any emotional stuff for a 6 year old, but if you read your posts, slowly the stuff is coming out, not only for your son, but also for yourself. it sounds like you have alot of stress in your live dealing with non supportive people. First of all deal with the hubby. Perhaps its also time to get a baby sitter when you need one instead of handing him to your mother in law, none want to hurt the child, but none are looking out for his health either. Get those boundaries in action and start communicating with them. There are consequences to that lack of communication and too bad but your son is the one that are getting them. He feels the stress going on between family members, he also knows how to manipulate them into getting what he wants, probably very easy being the youngest, i should know i am the youngest also.





 
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1/2/07 11:21 A

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oh, don't think i haven't tried. that's why, no more white bread is allowed in the house and i am getting rid of all the snack stuff. but when he is out at his grandparents, then i lose the control. and i can't not let him go out there. he is close to his papa and i honestly don't think dad will be with us much longer, so i don't want to deny him that relationship. and yes, i have talked to them and TOLD THEM AND TOLD THEM to not let him eat like that...but it is her way of taking the control away from me, I think.

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1/2/07 11:10 A

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You may want to have a serious talk w/ the other family members. Noone is deliberatley cooosing to hurt the child, but that is what is happening. You may want to buy only foods that ths child should have, but the family must become involved and accountable to his health.
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See, therein lies my problem. I don't get support from his father or grandmother. When he is over at his grandparents house they just let him eat all day long. When he is home with his father, he doesn't pay enough attention to know when he is eating (ie the 4 peanut butter sandwiches he ate without his father knowing it). I can't afford to quit my job to stay home with him. I did that once (quit my job to be a stay at home mom) and it put us in the poor house and we still haven't recovered. I am at a loss. I think I can get his father more on board, but his grandmother stays with him until I get home from work on the weekdays his father goes in...so I just don't know what to do. I have hidden the peanut butter, threw the left over halloween candy out. Next is to throw the mayo away, because he loves mayo and cheese sandwiches.

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1/2/07 9:29 A

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I know where you are coming from. My 5 year old wanted to eat all the time. When I started to change my eating habits I realized how much my bad habits had become hers. When ever I wanted a snack I would get her one. Let me tell you I ate alot all day long. So when I changed things she had a hard time at first. Even though she wasnt hungry she always wanted the food. She was use to that. Now it is alot different. We have meal and snack times and I stick to them as close as possible. It helps to keep morning snack at about the same time as school has it. My daughter is still getting 3 meals and 3 snacks. But because she knows when snack time is she doesnt have to wonder. Kids live in the moment. And need things right then . But I bet if you find a meal and snack plan you can stick to they will catch on quick. good luck

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1/2/07 5:36 A

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is he copying other family members and if not, take him to the dr. for a good check up. But look at what you wrote also, it seems like there are alot of emotions going on inside of him.






 
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1/2/07 1:15 A

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My 6 year old adopted brother has aproblem since his childhood. He has only one kidney left after one of his kidney s were removed and an artifical ureter was inplanted. He has been alwasy a big kid to others and in addition of having a hypertension (takes BP tablets) and being banned from playing most sport, he is growing big. He is 127 cemntimers tall and 40 kilograms. He just has a belly and started eating a lot. He doesn't ewat big portions but just screwes up by chips and chocolate. i am worried about him really

I always thought of others,

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BECKYI's Photo BECKYI Posts: 2,520
1/2/07 12:40 A

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Is your son on any medication like Predisone or possibly anything for Asthma. Because some of those medications will increase your appetite.

Becky

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1/1/07 11:30 P

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oh, it's not excessive thirst. he just always has a glass of water handy. in that respect i am lucky, my kids love to drink water. i wish i could say the same. but we don't let them drink cokes very often, even though i often have a diet coke beside me. i offer to make them koolaid, but they don't much care for it, they'd just rather drink water. it's just he wants to eat all the time, as well as drinking the water. i just don't know how to teach him to not eat constantly, with out making the food a control issue. he may only be 6, but with a sister who is 11 and a brother who is 14, and having always been surrounded by older children, he thinks he is grown and should be able to do what he wants. it's a constant battle.

Denise
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THESHIHTZU's Photo THESHIHTZU Posts: 124
1/1/07 11:24 P

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Have you had him in for a check up? Excessive thirst can be a sign of diabetes. (You said he is constantly drinking water) Diabetes runs in my family, so I'm always on the alert for things like this.

Take care,
Lisbeth

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1/1/07 11:08 P

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Milo? I haven't heard of it before. But I did just search it and see nestle makes it. I will have to look for it. He is a great water drinker. He constantly drinks water. But no, he is not very active. I was really surpised by him today, ususally when I take him for a walk, we're not 5 minutes into it before he starts whining his feet r tired. But today we walked to the grocery store, since I didn't need a whole lot, and he didn't complain once!

Denise
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1/1/07 11:02 P

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yeah, he is heavy. sometimes i do think he does it for attention...he is one that constantly has to be the center of attention and is constantly up my butt! I try to get them to go outside and play, but when they go out, they just sit on the swing and pout. What happened to kids going out and using their imaginations? I always insisted on being Farrah Facuet from Charlies Angles!! (I was the blonde one in the group after all) Sometimes I wonder about separation anxiety. I put him in mommies day out when he was a year and a half because he wouldn't have anything to do with anyone but me. I knew if we didn't start early, school was gonna be H - E - double L! But now, he has no qualms about going to my girlfriends house to stay the night, or to gammie or papa's. I just don't know. I did ask him, just a few minutes ago, and he told me he didn't know why. One day I came home from work and got ready to go to water aerobics and told him to get ready to go (he swims while i exercise), when he started throwing up. Well,of course I told him he wasn't going to be able to go because he was sick. U know what he told me? "I'm not sick, I ate 4 peanut butter sandwiches and my tummy was too full". Needless to say, I was furious with his father who was home with him at the time and should have known what he was doing. I try using that as an example everytime he wants to eat too much. I don't know how well it works though. Sorry this is so long. I just don't want him to suffer from being teased about being fat.

Denise
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JENM.NZ's Photo JENM.NZ Posts: 27
1/1/07 10:59 P

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I am not sure if you can get "Milo" which is a drink, where you are, but it is a really good low GI drink and can also help with sleep.
As not sure of facts, may I ask if he is also drinking a lot or is he very active. It may pay to keep an eye on him if diabetes or thyroid disorders in the family as needing to eat constantly can be a symptom. Good luck and best wishes

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1/1/07 10:52 P

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I just read an article or a faq (I am not sure which one) about eating close to bedtime. It said that its okay to a healthy snack before bed but not a full meal. The reason is if you are growing or use alot of energy (execise alot or in your son's case play alot) its okay.
What really helped my friend's son afterschool was creating a gym for him for him. My other friend had them in afterschool activities like the boys and girls club because her son ate for bored up.
I hoped I help and I am going to do a little search on this site to find the infor I mentioned.


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BABELALALA's Photo BABELALALA Posts: 3,406
1/1/07 10:51 P

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one thing my analyst tells me that in life there are no "should's", perhaps he sees other people snacking at that time of night, somehow parents seem to think its ok for them to snack, but not for children. Did you ask him if he is hungry, did he eat his supper, was his supper adequate, perhaps even though you think he SHOULDNT have emotional issues, a child that is 6 can have alot of them, for example separation anxiety, the thought of school might be a blessing to you, but give him lots of anxiety, especially if he is being spoiled being the youngest, school itself is extremely stressful for some children. perhaps he just wants some attention and he does this through asking for food, he might be getting negative attention, but attention it is.
Dont presume he doesnt have any emotional things, i think a child that age has many. friends, teachers, peers, and how he fits in the family, perhaps jealous of siblings etc. You can see what is going on for yourself, one way to do this is by asking him questions. Perhaps he needs more male bonding, is the dad around enough for him. Question: is he heavy






 
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1/1/07 10:42 P

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Can anybody give me advice on how to handle this situation. The child is not starving...he just wants to eat 24/7!! He is the baby and as such is spoiled, so he shouldn't have any emotional issues. But like right now, it's 9:30 at night and he wants to eat. I told him no, it's too late and he says, what about carrots, they are good for u? I still told him no, it's too late to be eating. I will be soooo glad when school starts back up, except that when he gets home and I am at work his grandmother lets him just eat and eat and eat. I feel like I am beating my head against the wall!!

Denise
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