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MAMA-MIA's Photo MAMA-MIA SparkPoints: (20)
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8/9/06 9:02 P

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I was looking in amazon, and there are quite a few books there, all claiming to help people like us, all of which I'd love to read!
So we now know there is hope for us... thank goodness!

Cheers!
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I want to be able to say I have been proud of everything I have done.



No Regrets.


 
UNSURE's Photo UNSURE Posts: 15,677
8/9/06 1:54 P

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hi all, I do understand what all of you are saying. aI read agreat book about that call "love hunger" see if your libray has it. it help me and It on tape or cd too. Pat

THATSY's Photo THATSY Posts: 938
8/8/06 6:33 P

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MRSTRAUG, You are so right... we are definitely not hidden. I never thought of it that way. At 5'11 it really dosn't matter what I weigh... I'll always be visable!

Wherever you are, be there totally. If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally.

Eckhart Tolle


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MAMA-MIA's Photo MAMA-MIA SparkPoints: (20)
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8/8/06 6:12 P

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Just by reading that we are all the same keeps me going. I read the stories and they inspire me. They help when I feel like I'm on the verge of being a self sabbotager... (is that a word? lol)
Keep up the great work!



I want to be able to say I have been proud of everything I have done.



No Regrets.


 
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FLOATON Posts: 21
8/8/06 4:01 P

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I have never had a real relationship either. I always sabatoge it because of my weight! It really is sad...but I always thought I was the only one! I have only been a member for two days and I know that I will find support and motivation coming here everyday.

My Goals: Lose 1-3 pounds per week and run 6 days a week!
Feb 28=195
March 31=180
April 30=170
May 31=160

You haven't LOST until you QUIT!


 
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MRSTRAUG's Photo MRSTRAUG SparkPoints: (0)
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8/8/06 3:55 P

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CRYSTALINA I totally understand where you are coming from with your husband. It has taken me a long time to get where I am comfortable "being" with my husband; I still struggle from time to time though.
I thinks it's funny (strange funny) how we that are overweight keep the weight on to hide, those of us who do hide, because really larger people really aren't hidden. If anything we are more noticeable...does that makes sense?
Blessings to you!
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Lord, help me to be the person my dogs think I am.....


 
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CRYSTALINA's Photo CRYSTALINA Posts: 9
8/8/06 3:14 P

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I, too, have a wonderful husband, and after years of not dealing with that kind of attention very well, I've finally become closer to what I'd consider "normal" with him. However, I still think I'm afraid of not being "the fat girl."

One fear that I know I have is that I'll lose weight and still won't be considered attractive. Right now, I can say, "Well, if I lost weight, I'd be attractive," but if I lose weight, what excuse do I have left? (If that even makes sense... lol)

HW: 255/265-ish
SW: 234 (8/1/2006)

"Do all the good that you can..." ~ John Wesley


 
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THATSY's Photo THATSY Posts: 938
8/8/06 2:38 P

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heck, I'm still fat because I don't want "sexual attention" and I have the most wonderful, loving considerate hubby in the world.
It's not him I'm intimadated by.
I guess this is something I'm going to have to come to terms with if I'm really going to lose the weight.
And then there is the whole... I'll be expected to accomplish more from my life if I'm not fat thing... anyone else feel this way?

Wherever you are, be there totally. If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally.

Eckhart Tolle


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MOEMO2U's Photo MOEMO2U Posts: 701
8/8/06 5:27 A

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I don't know if there are any of you out there who stayed fat so as to keep sexual advances away?

I did, because in my past I have had a few bad experiences. I am so lucky to have the hubby I have,
we have discussed it and he still loves me for me.

Please don't hide behind your weight -- it doesn't stop the preditors, it just causes you health problems.


Momoe2u says "Remember slow and steady wins the race"

"It was the turtle who won the race --- not the hare."

Start Weight.
Wt. 204 Feb 20th/06
Wt. 184.0 July 14/06
Wt. 186.5 Aug 5/06
Wt 183.5 Aug 23/06
Wt 184.5 Sept 4/06
Wt 179.5 November 4th Goal wt. 150LBS
for Dec / 06


 
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THATSY's Photo THATSY Posts: 938
8/7/06 9:32 P

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I guess it all comes down to self esteem. If we could feel secure with ourselves and our ability to handle people and situations, then there would be no reason for the excess fat... would there?

Wherever you are, be there totally. If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally.

Eckhart Tolle


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FLO498's Photo FLO498 Posts: 16
8/7/06 6:10 P

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yes, i definetly hide behind it.
not only in the physical way, to cover myself up with fat so no one can see me... but also like FLOATON said, its always an excuse not to go out.

this is a really tough habit to break.
i almost dont go out or have a social life (i almost have none, really) and little by little i see myself more and more locked up at home, where im safe.

it makes me really sad, but i'm here to try to overcome this.

i also can add, i'm 23 years old and never had a boyfriend... i think its all part of the same issue
:(

 
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MAMA-MIA's Photo MAMA-MIA SparkPoints: (20)
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8/7/06 6:07 P

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That's exactly as I was saying it, we have to stop hiding, and be in control!

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I want to be able to say I have been proud of everything I have done.



No Regrets.


 
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THATSY's Photo THATSY Posts: 938
8/7/06 4:07 P

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Well I definitely use it to hide. At different stages of my life I have used it for different things.
My mom died when I was six... I was fat by the time I was seven. I think that explains itself. But as I became a woman, I was very uncomfortable with feeling sexy or attractive to men. I wanted to feel attractive to them, but being attracitve made me feel like I had no control.
I was thin for a couple of years in my late twenties and early thrities, and I was constantly stared at. Strange men would wistle and hoot. Women didn't help either, sometimes they would be downright mean to me. It was so uncomfortable,
I would love to lose this weight, but I am aware that I feel safe behind it.
Safe from the attention, expectations and emotions it protects me from.

Wherever you are, be there totally. If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally.

Eckhart Tolle


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FLOATON Posts: 21
8/7/06 12:27 P

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I really do believe that people hide behind their weight. I have been doing it for years. It has always been my "excuse" to get out of doing certain social things. But now, I realize that I need to step up to the plate and put myself out there. But, I won't be able to do that until I lose what I have been hiding behind for such a long time. emoticon

My Goals: Lose 1-3 pounds per week and run 6 days a week!
Feb 28=195
March 31=180
April 30=170
May 31=160

You haven't LOST until you QUIT!


 
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MAMA-MIA's Photo MAMA-MIA SparkPoints: (20)
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8/7/06 11:18 A

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I truly believe what Gladyslove is asking and I feel the same way. After thinking about it, I am hiding, I'm not sure why but I intend on figuring it out.

How will you feel when you lose the weight?
How will people treat you?
How will they look at you?
How will you feel about your own sexuality?
How will you dress?
How will you act when you lose the weight?
Are you afraid of the attention?
Will someone come in and tempt you?
I think there is a comfort zone in holding onto that extra weight, so I/you can't be the sexy one.
Why can't I be the sexy one?

I'm thinking out loud, does this make any sense?
I am shy and I think the weight keeps me in the background rather than being up front. Or even wearing extra baggy clothes.
Is it self esteem?

What are your thoughts?

Cheers!

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I want to be able to say I have been proud of everything I have done.



No Regrets.


 
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CRYSTALINA's Photo CRYSTALINA Posts: 9
8/7/06 2:48 A

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I have been told that, but I'm not sure exactly what I'm hiding from. :/

HW: 255/265-ish
SW: 234 (8/1/2006)

"Do all the good that you can..." ~ John Wesley


 
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MRSTRAUG's Photo MRSTRAUG SparkPoints: (0)
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8/5/06 11:51 A

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It is deffinately my decision whether to lose weight or not. When I first met my husband I had already begun to lose weight and while dating I continued to lose. After we got married in 2005 I slowly have put weight on.
For whatever reason I don't seem to have the mindset that I had before. It's not that I'm "too comfortable" being married, but I'm not sure what it is.
As a child I always felt deprived and as an adult I decided I was not going to be deprived; especially of food...which my mother hid from me as a child....
Have a great weekend.
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Lord, help me to be the person my dogs think I am.....


 
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JTRUETT's Photo JTRUETT SparkPoints: (6,889)
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8/5/06 9:21 A

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I have found that my weight is a indication that thew rest of my life is out of control. When I feel helpless or empty...I can always rely on food to fill me up. It is a two-edged sword because after I am filled up then I beat myself up about the eating and the weight gain...

NOTHING tastes as good as being thin...and healthy!

Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what''s going to happen next.
Gilda Radner





 
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MELFI_'s Photo MELFI_ Posts: 520
8/5/06 8:09 A

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I don't know if we can ever find out this, but if you loose the weight, perhaps you'll realize what is the difference, and what are you hiding from...I know it doesn't make a difference that your husband loves you the same with the extra weight or without. I have a boyfriend I got to know him before I started SP, and he didn't mind I was fatter, but it was my decision to become thinner. Have a good weekend!

My ticker is in kilograms!


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MRSTRAUG's Photo MRSTRAUG SparkPoints: (0)
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8/4/06 3:54 P

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MELFI_,
I have had a weight problem since I was 10 yrs. old and at that time I didn't use weight, at least I don't think a 10 yr. old would understand and be able to use weight, as a means of hiding. As I grew and became a young adult and then an adult I believe it was a means to hide the true me; for who would like the "true" me?
Even now, I am very happy. My husband has never said a word about my excess weight; it isn't an issue for him...but for me it is a means of hiding. What am I hiding from?
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Lord, help me to be the person my dogs think I am.....


 
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MELFI_'s Photo MELFI_ Posts: 520
8/4/06 2:09 P

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Yeah,
but if you accept that this is the case you are in, does it make you easier to loose it? What do you think? Perhaps it could be true - I think in my case, I'm - maybe, subconsciosly - afraid to show my sexy or feminine side, and hide behind my "weight wall"...

My ticker is in kilograms!


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MRSTRAUG's Photo MRSTRAUG SparkPoints: (0)
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8/4/06 1:25 P

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Absolutely.....
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Lord, help me to be the person my dogs think I am.....


 
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GLADYSLOVE's Photo GLADYSLOVE Posts: 15
8/4/06 12:09 P

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Has anyone ever been told that their weight was a guard to protect yourself from getting hurt or letting someone get close to you?

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