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7/21/08 10:26 P

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Good for you, LABLUVR7.

Have a TERRIFIC day!
Patricia
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LABLUVR7's Photo LABLUVR7 Posts: 39
6/22/08 11:49 A

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Hey there all! Yes, I do know some relaxation techniques... I use them. I was just aware more this time than ever before- the cravings I get when I am stressed...Good thing is I didn't give into them and lost 4lbs this week!! :)

Labluvr


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6/19/08 10:09 P

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Emma, Are we ready to move on?

Have a TERRIFIC day!
Patricia
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6/19/08 10:06 P

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LABLUVR7, It was a difficult time until I became at peace with it. I think I'm stronger having gone through it.
With the stress you are under, do you know any relaxation techniques?

Have a TERRIFIC day!
Patricia
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LABLUVR7's Photo LABLUVR7 Posts: 39
6/19/08 9:22 P

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Patricia, that had to be quite a difficult time- emotionally and physically for you and your family! Are you a stronger person today for having gone through it? We are glad you are here and on Sp! Your opinions and comments really help!

Well this week has really tested me and I learned something about myself.... I am definitely a stress eater... I have been very stressed due to work this week, and boy have I noticed the cravings bouncing around tempting me.... I did not give in to them, but I was very aware of them this time I recognized they were very much due to the stress i am under...

Labluvr


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6/17/08 8:15 P

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Yeah really we need you now. No pressure. I've been working on the house a lot so I haven't been my usual posty self. I'm sure it will all come to an end soon.

Emma




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6/17/08 3:06 P

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Thanks, Karen. Fortunately, my health is improving.

Have a TERRIFIC day!
Patricia
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6/17/08 9:54 A

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Patricia, that must have been something! I am grateful you are still around and on SP.


"Oh, earth, you are too wonderful for anybody to realize you." --Emily in Our Town by Thornton Wilder

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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. --Dr. Seuss


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6/16/08 10:17 P

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I dealt a lot with grief with a counselor -- esp. when I lost my health and was given a life expectancy of 4 years. My youngest was still in high school.

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LABLUVR7's Photo LABLUVR7 Posts: 39
6/16/08 9:00 P

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There is no question that grief, over the past couple of years, has fueled my bad eating habits-- emotional eating. I have lost a lot... I lost 2 jobs, a fiance, stepson, and the final blow- my Mom to breast cancer.... That by far has been the worst. I miss her so much.

Labluvr


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6/16/08 8:37 P

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Anger, depression and resentment. I can feel them in me. I just started seeing a therapist and I am very happy about this. I have so much pain from my childhood and I started overeating when I was around 10 and I was left alone a lot. I will journal about this, too.


"Oh, earth, you are too wonderful for anybody to realize you." --Emily in Our Town by Thornton Wilder

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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. --Dr. Seuss


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6/16/08 8:29 P

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Ah grief yes. Appropriate so close to fathers day. I'm 38 years out from losing my father and still if I don't steal myself I suffer on father's day..

My friend lost her father 2 weeks ago and managed to come to church on father's day and survived quite well. That must have been some funeral!

Emma




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6/16/08 8:24 P

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12. Grief.
To discern whether unfinished grief could be at the heart of your Yo-Yo Diet Syndrome, ask yourself if thoughts about your losses bring about any of the following feelings: A heavy or pressured feeling in your chest Tears in your eyes The desire to think about something else right away Anger, resentment, or depression If any of these feelings relate to you, you probably have some unfinished grief work to complete. Though not a pleasant task, spending some time focusing your thoughts on the pain of your loss (with a therapist, through prayerful meditation, or by journal writing) could be the key to releasing you from your desire to overeat.





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6/16/08 4:34 P

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Are we ready to move on, Emma?

Have a TERRIFIC day!
Patricia
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LABLUVR7's Photo LABLUVR7 Posts: 39
6/15/08 10:07 P

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Having a difficult time forgiving oneself is probably very common. Counseling can be a great tool if you find the right counselor. i unfortunately cannot afford to go right now... but i have read some incredible "self-help" books...

Labluvr


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6/15/08 8:44 P

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I, too, found it easier to forgive others than myself. I've had counseling for the latter.

Have a TERRIFIC day!
Patricia
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LABLUVR7's Photo LABLUVR7 Posts: 39
6/15/08 8:15 P

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Of course people, including yourself, will fail from time to time and you have to learn how to forgive... For me, forgiving myself is harder than forgiving those I love.

The dream of having my own child and experiencing pregnancy for myself is a very deep, lifelong dream of mine... However, I am very open to adoption and other solutions... It bums me out that I don't get to experience pregnancy firsthand. BUt, even more than that, I really want to have a child the right way-- ready, and with a Mom and a Dad... (still working on getting the Dad part-Ha Ha!). I must say that I am considering being a Foster parent or such, by the age of 45, if I haven't married by then, and as long as I have my finances back in order.

You are right regarding the travel... No I haven't done many day trips around the area and shame on me for that. I want to see the world and part of that world is what is right in my back yard.

Thanks....

Labluvr


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6/15/08 7:41 P

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LABLUVR7, I don't think you lower your expectations but you allow for the person (and yourself) to be human and sometimes fall short. You forgive and move on.

How important is the dream of pregnancy and having a biological child? Are you willing to consider artificial insemination? Have you looked into it?

Have you seen all there is to see that is within a day trip of where you live? Do you read travel books and magazines? How about watching travel videos? Have you studied the language of places where you would like to go?

There is a difference between a wish and a dream. A wish is something one would like to have. A dream is something one is willing to move mountains to achieve.

Have a TERRIFIC day!
Patricia
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LABLUVR7's Photo LABLUVR7 Posts: 39
6/15/08 7:02 P

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Okay, on behalf of Batgirl, myself and others out there like us, heres a question: How do you NOT have high expectations of others, hold others to the same standards as you hold yourself to, as you would do for them? If you lower your expectations of others, are you not accepting less for yourself, and allowing yourself and others to treat you short of what you deserve?

Emmasmart: THank you for the nice comment you made and suggestion to me... however some of those goals, aspirations, dreams etc... are now beyond my reach... unfortunately... and it upsets me greatly sometimes... For example, I will be 40 this year and due to my age and medical reasons, I can not have children of my own- a dream of mine. Had I met the man of my dreams when I was younger (I still haven't met him-- another sticky topic for me) the pregnancy wouldn't have been as dangerous to my health.

I love to travel- another dream of mine-- I have hardly traveled at all, and now financial reasons hinder this... Another upsetting goal lost... However, this one, there could always be tomorrow- my finances could change someday to allow this - one never knows... (maybe I am hitting my mid-life crisis??!!! UGH!)

Those are just a couple of many.....How do you break those down into smaller more reachable goals?

Labluvr


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6/14/08 11:53 P

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Batgirl you are suffering from your expectations of him. You think he should make an effort to be with you like you make an effort to be with him. You might want to communicate both what you want and need and encourage him to do the same. Perhaps he's not getting enough time with the band. if that's true I suggest you invest time in having girlfriends so you can have fun while he's out with the band. You have to figure this out together. I have come to believe that we girls need our friends. It's very very very important!

Emma




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6/14/08 10:09 P

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BATGIRL25, Have you ever journaled about your feelings?

Have a TERRIFIC day!
Patricia
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BATGIRL25 Posts: 5
6/14/08 9:34 P

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I was scrolling through the previous postings and noted the first one with all the emotions listed. I'm guilty of the "insecurity/inadequacy' and "jealously" ones as recently as two weeks ago.
My boyfriend surprised me by saying that he was going to have an extended band practice instead of hanging out with me during the day. We don't get to see each other all that much during the week, so weekends(this happened on a Saturday)are important to me. He told me it wasn't a big deal when I became obviously upset. But it was a big deal!
I ended up binging on a bunch of left-over pastries from Starbucks until I was physically ill.
I'm sure there were a million other things I could have done instead but I chose that.
Any suggestions?

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6/14/08 6:45 P

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Karen,
It is good that you are writing about it. What have you learned?

Have a TERRIFIC day!
Patricia
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6/14/08 6:05 P

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I don't feel like a beautiful self today. Last night I was in dessert heaven and I ate as if I was never going to see another dessert again.

I still feel sick although I have managed to somehow eat today. It is hard not to be hard on myself. I should know better and it's not like I haven't done this before.

I am feeling sorry for myself but I am the one who ate and I am the one who has to face the consequences. Other people were there and they managed not to stuff their faces.

Is greed an emotion? Greed is what I feel I exhibited last night--along with gluttony. Gee, two of the deadly sins in one night.

Karen, you knock this stuff off. Another day, another learning experience...

"Oh, earth, you are too wonderful for anybody to realize you." --Emily in Our Town by Thornton Wilder

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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. --Dr. Seuss


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6/14/08 5:52 P

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I suggest breaking the dreams and goals down into smaller tasks so that you can see more measurable results.

Have a TERRIFIC day!
Patricia
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6/14/08 5:39 P

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You are not behind. Start from where you are. be Gentle with your beautiful self.




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LABLUVR7's Photo LABLUVR7 Posts: 39
6/14/08 5:27 P

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Welcome Cherterra- you'll love this discussion!!

Well, here's another one that hits home for me.... There are SO MANY things/goals that I had wanted to achieve by now and haven't and it leaves me hollow/empty/disappointed -- all of the above... I just keep seeing time slip away from me without achieving those dreams...

Labluvr


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6/14/08 2:43 P

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Welcome CHERTERRA,
This topic hits home with many of us. (That's why there are so many posts on it.)

Have a TERRIFIC day!
Patricia
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6/14/08 9:44 A

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I'm so glad you found us. I think this is the most important thing i've come across in a long time. we just keep talking about it 13 pages. I understand why you didn't get through the whole thing. I wonder how long it would be how many words.

You are wise not to have 2 many hours in front of the computer. That's a bad habit too! We have to get up and get around people. We have to take good care of ourselves my working, eating, sleeping and maybe exercising. I'm mostly talking to myself here. I am such a computer potato!

Emma




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CHERTERRA Posts: 58
6/14/08 8:11 A

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Hi. My name is Cher. I logged on to sparkpeople to eliminate some of my sparkpages. I actually joined in Jan. but have to admit, other than reading some the topics I have not been a good participant, and in fact, have backslid to what I weighed when i started. Meaning, I get to start all over again. As I was skimming through spark topics, this one caught my eye. I then proceeded to read through the 16 emotional triggers and many immediately struck home. some I was already aware of, some not. Many times when I eat, I'm aware that it's not really hunger that's driving me, and sometimes I even know what is, I just don't seem to be able to deal with it another way.
I have read through some of it, but not all. (with 13 pages it's going to take awhile and I don't always have a lot of time to spend on the 'puter. This is a really great thread and I have read some really great insights from people.
I am putting this topic on my favorites. I'm looking forward to reading and following along with the rest of the emotions.

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JELLOBELLY Posts: 422
6/13/08 8:16 P

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We have to make what we want out of life happen.

Maureen


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6/13/08 8:12 P

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I know I felt so fulfilled when I was working. I am anxious for the red tape to be ended so that I can go back. I can be content without it, but not completely fulfilled.

Have a TERRIFIC day!
Patricia
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6/13/08 5:28 P

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Here we are talking about living our authentic life and there it is again. If we are not true to ourselves. there certainly is a price to be paid and it shows up in our health.

I was thinking about it today and I really need to protect my heart health. I haven't been doing so great at that. I have to wonder what my authentic life is? I think it's like love. You know it when you know it!

Emma




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6/13/08 5:24 P

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Yep: Here it is!

11. Emptiness/Hollowness.
I believe that we all have a drive or ambition to do certain things with our lives, and that we owe it to ourselves to try to fulfill those desires. We may not always succeed, but it's very important to at least try. Until we take steps toward our dreams and goals, an upsetting sense of uneasiness lives inside of us. The goal could be anything from getting a high school diploma to graduating from medical school, writing that novel or volunteering at that convalescent hospital. Whatever your personal dream, go seize it! Break the big goal into smaller, more accessible goals, and then take one small step today to bring yourself closer to the life you want to lead. You'll be glad you did.




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6/13/08 5:22 P

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Are we ready to move to the next feeling?

Have a TERRIFIC day!
Patricia
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6/13/08 5:11 P

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I seek to live an authentic life, to be genuine, to do the next right thing, to tell the truth, to be as kind to myself as I am to others, and to be willing to tell the child inside of me that I can have a cookie--just not right now. Philosophically yours, Carewren (Karen)


"Oh, earth, you are too wonderful for anybody to realize you." --Emily in Our Town by Thornton Wilder

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Click the six: www.thehungersite.com

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. --Dr. Seuss


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6/13/08 5:04 P

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I'm trying to live that. It's a subtle change I keep catching myself acting out of fear. I am counting on me to do my best to become what I want to be. I was just watching Oprah, and I've read it in place after place. You have to fix your head and your heart first. I can't imagine getting it all done. But I have to figure it out. I have no other choice. We need to be brave. We need to live our authentic life so we are not stressed beyond belief!

Emma






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6/13/08 2:26 P

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"...I say sit still and feel it and check out if you survive..."

That is SO true. I think if I feel that feeling, I'm not going to survive! It's like running from fear and then turning around to face it--and, poof, there's nothing there. Even as I write this, I don't believe me! I swear my head is out to get me!


"Oh, earth, you are too wonderful for anybody to realize you." --Emily in Our Town by Thornton Wilder

Sudoku Lovers: tinyurl.com/d2czf6
Thich Nhat Hanh...and others: tinyurl.com/yhl88x5
Accept Yourself: tinyurl.com/ycqre9j
Click the six: www.thehungersite.com

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. --Dr. Seuss


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6/13/08 1:42 P

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I find that journaling about it helps me get to the root of the feeling.

Have a TERRIFIC day!
Patricia
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6/13/08 9:30 A

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You do what you know. That's why until you know better and when you know better you will be going "oh yeah fries with help ha ha ha!" Do you have coping mechanisms that work for you besides food? Because just not eating what we shouldn't isn't getting to the root of the problem. I don't know about you but I want to tear this out by the roots. When something bugs you you have to learn to think about it in a new way so that the food can stop calling you. The food adds to our distress, but we want to numb that feeling. I say sit still and feel it and check out if you survive. that's step 1.

Emma




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JOULES3's Photo JOULES3 Posts: 53
6/12/08 11:11 P

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Wow, thanks for this list. If it wasn't for emotional eating, I'd still be a size six instead of a 2X. I noticed (in a rare moment of clarity) that one of my big triggers is frustration. When something doesn't go my way or life doesn't work out the way I planned, I get the urge to eat! I don't think I am an actual binger, but when I get the urge to eat something for emotional reasons, I do go for the super-dense calorie foods (like a snickers bar or McDonald's fries). Being lonely, bored, or fatigued are also dangerous for me. Why is it that we all know techniques to use, but in the moment, we just want the food, and all other thoughts disappear? emoticon

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6/12/08 6:15 P

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Kharyzma,

We like this article so much we are talking about it piece by piece. Right now we are talking about Hurt and Disappointment.




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KHARYZMA's Photo KHARYZMA Posts: 130
6/12/08 1:17 P

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wow!! i feel 15 out of 16 almost daily! i am glad to have read this post and hopefully it will start to help me now that i am more aware of it.

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6/12/08 1:10 P

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Amen, Emma! No matter what the circumstances, we do have the choice to experience peace. Of course, being human, sometimes I have to talk myself there and sometimes I just get to feel unpeaceful for awhile! It is hard to feel peaceful when I am aware of resentments. Someone once said, "When you resent someone, they live rent free in your head."



"Oh, earth, you are too wonderful for anybody to realize you." --Emily in Our Town by Thornton Wilder

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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. --Dr. Seuss


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6/11/08 10:52 P

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I know that the inner part of me can't be hurt. My core remains no matter what. I'm human though and I still have feelings. I want to rise above. I want peace.

Emma




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6/11/08 10:02 P

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When I've been hurt, I usually respond with a good cry then I go to bed. I don't want to face the world.

Have a TERRIFIC day!
Patricia
co-Leader of Emotional Eaters


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6/11/08 3:00 P

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Ouch, She MIGHT have assumed you weighed less. Or she could wicked hurtful and spiteful. That was really rough. She could have been hurt herself that he loved her body more than her self. She should have fired him on the spot. I can see you wanting to end that conversation. I hope she was being insensitive rather than evil. I always hope that of people.

Even when it's just insensitive it can be mighty hurtful. I think the eating while upset thing is a learned behavior because when I am hurt my appetite leaves me. Maybe there is a skinny girl in me who wants to get out!

Emma




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6/11/08 1:52 P

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I can remember times when I was hurt. Those memories don't go away. Even when I realize that someone did not want to hurt me, I still remember and feel again some of that pain.

For example, one time a friend of mine said that she asked her boyfriend if he would be with her if she weighed 200 pounds and he said, "no".

Why did she tell me that? She knows me. She knows I must weigh more than 200 pounds. I felt like saying, "Thanks for sharing. You made my day." But, I didn't want to prolong this conversation.

That is not a big example but the point is that this happened many years ago and I still remember it almost word for word!



"Oh, earth, you are too wonderful for anybody to realize you." --Emily in Our Town by Thornton Wilder

Sudoku Lovers: tinyurl.com/d2czf6
Thich Nhat Hanh...and others: tinyurl.com/yhl88x5
Accept Yourself: tinyurl.com/ycqre9j
Click the six: www.thehungersite.com

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. --Dr. Seuss


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6/11/08 6:18 A

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I was looking back and we talked about disappointment but not hurt. To me hurt = disappointment + resentment. Hurt implies a grudge with it. People say take disappointments in stride. No one says take hurt in stride. Hurt is a whole new level. When I think of when I've been hurt, I can remember it taking up to a year to feel better. I've lost sleep. I lost my appetite. Recovering from Hurt is not unlike recovering from a death. What do you think?




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6/10/08 3:58 P

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I agree, I have less pain when I treat my body right.

Have a TERRIFIC day!
Patricia
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6/10/08 2:59 P

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I handle most of my pain with Tylenol and a heating pad. Exercise is a great pain buster. I hope to spend some pool time this afternoon. It's gourgeous out. Pain is a real challenge for anyone who suffers. I note that my pain level is generally lower when I eat multiple small meals and drink my water and eat my fruit. But I don't always do it!

Emma




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6/10/08 2:33 P

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My main reasons for over eating are boredom and pain. When my chronic pain acts up I tend to reach for food. it gives me a boost and helps me through the bad. I am trying to workout or read instead. This weekend I was eating and eating and it wasn't until late Saturday I even realized I had over 3,000 calories and that I was hurting. I hate prescription meds and do everything I can to avoid taking them. I depend on ibuprofen and food. I am still hurting today and hav walked 4 miles with my Leslie video. I really want the chocolate candy bar and a glass of sweet tea, but I will NOT have it. Guess I need to find something to take my mind off this.

Let's DO it


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6/10/08 2:25 P

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I like your approach to your DHs mood. I need to work on that. I want to make him better and a lot of time it is completely out my of control. Nothing I could possibly do. Occasionally I will say the right thing. Mostly I just add to his pain. I like the give him space idea. That should help...

Emma




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CAREWREN's Photo CAREWREN Posts: 5,895
6/10/08 12:21 P

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Good point, Emma. High expectation are definitely a set up for disappointment and hurt. Expecting people to act a certain way and then they don't is disappointing to me. However, one time my husband said to me, "Buck up. We all want people to be a certain way." That really helped me.

Selfishly speaking, I want people to be a certain way so that I don't get a feeling about their feeling!

The other day, my husband was in a bad mood. Instead of nagging him, trying to talk him out of it, or taking it personally, I just let him be. I went to the computer and was happily online when he came in and kissed me and said he was in a better mood!

It is not easy to let everything be the way it is. There is some illusion of control--if I just say the right thing or do the right thing.

We are all human. As Maud said in the movie Harold and Maud, when Harold commented that she got along very well with people, "Of course I get along with them. They are my species"!

So, I will have good days, bad days, neutral days, sad times, experience a lot of emotions and if I don't beat myself up over thinking I need to be perfect, and I don't beat people up because I expect them to be a certain way, this to, shall pass without a lot of hullabaloo!

One other quote since I'm in a quotey mood. Somebody said, "Ten people out of ten people die. So don't take life too seriously"!

"Oh, earth, you are too wonderful for anybody to realize you." --Emily in Our Town by Thornton Wilder

Sudoku Lovers: tinyurl.com/d2czf6
Thich Nhat Hanh...and others: tinyurl.com/yhl88x5
Accept Yourself: tinyurl.com/ycqre9j
Click the six: www.thehungersite.com

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. --Dr. Seuss


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6/10/08 8:34 A

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The trick to avoiding disappointment is to keep low expectations. Then you are always pleasantly surprised. This is a trick. I Also do that with myself. I try to be as gentle with myself as with my best handicapped friend. I guess that's what I am. Sometimes we get our hopes up. Remember when you get your hopes up you may be setting yourself up for disappointment. I have an interview today. It is likely that it will be disappointing. So I am looking forward to it as interview practice. And I am getting my interview clothes all ready for when I have the real one. And I could be wrong and then I will be pleasantly surprised.

Emma





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6/9/08 9:05 P

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I'm been getting on SP. Journaling also helps.

Have a TERRIFIC day!
Patricia
co-Leader of Emotional Eaters


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