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HILDABRAND's Photo HILDABRAND SparkPoints: (13,948)
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5/13/11 10:22 A

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The best jokes I have are visual so they don't work very well in this forum. Can't wait to hear more!

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BARCLE's Photo BARCLE SparkPoints: (165,998)
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5/13/11 3:50 A

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... (will get to a joke soon - can't believe it's been 5 minutes and I just can't think of anything , grrrrr!)

Smile .... it makes people wonder what you're up to ;-)

The fourth glass of wine is always a good idea before you do it and a really bad idea afterward! ;-)

It is far easier to MAKE time to exercise than it is to FIND time to exercise. You want results???? MAKE it happen.


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BONBON561's Photo BONBON561 Posts: 24,748
5/12/11 3:24 P

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A man buys a centipede for a pet. One day he asks if the centipede wants to go for a walk but the centipede doesn't answer. Again he asks if the pet wants to go for a walk. Still no answer. The third time he asks this time the centipede answers "Give me time to put on my shoes will ya!"

Bonnie from KY
Word for the year is CHANGES
Eastern Standard time
proud member of Slytherin




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HILDABRAND's Photo HILDABRAND SparkPoints: (13,948)
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5/12/11 11:18 A

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Two strings walk into a bar and one says, "I'd like a drink, please." The bartender says, "We don't serve strings here. Get out!" And he throws the strings out. The one string says to the other, "Let's try a different place." The other one says, "No, I'm going to get a drink here." So, he unravels himself a little then ties a knot in his middle and goes back in. The bartender says, "Hey, aren't you the string who was just in here?"

And the string says, "No I'm a frayed knot!"

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CAROLYN0107's Photo CAROLYN0107 Posts: 28,355
5/12/11 1:10 A

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I got this one from a SparkFriend DIMIS on another team.

I finally figured out why I look the way I do!

As I was washing my hair in the shower this morning, I took time to read the bottle. I am in shock!

The shampoo I use in that runs down my entire body says "for extra volume and body"!

Seriously, why have I not noticed this before?

Tomorrow I am going to start using "Dawn" dish soap! It says right on the bottle, "dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove".

It pays to read the warning labels, my friends!


Edited by: CAROLYN0107 at: 5/12/2011 (01:27)
Co-Leader
SparkOmaha Team:
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
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"Not Perfection but Progress" in my lifestyle changes.

Left Knee Fracture: 3-5-12
Left TKR 6-19-12


 
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BONBON561's Photo BONBON561 Posts: 24,748
5/10/11 2:48 P

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What do you feed a 300 lb carney

Anything it wants

Bonnie from KY
Word for the year is CHANGES
Eastern Standard time
proud member of Slytherin




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HILDABRAND's Photo HILDABRAND SparkPoints: (13,948)
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5/10/11 12:13 P

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What time is it when an elephant sits on a fence?



Time to get a new fence!
emoticon

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DORAL33178's Photo DORAL33178 SparkPoints: (76,187)
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5/9/11 4:11 P

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So what did one mouse say to the other?

knock knock
who's there?
nacho

nacho who?
nacho cheese

Daphne

You must be careful how you walk and where you go, for there are those following you who will set their feet where yours are set. -Robert E. Lee

Leader of Spark Miami


Miami Beach 13.1- (3/4/12) - 2:28
Fort Lauderdale 13.1 -(11/11/12) - 2:35
Weston Rotary half - (12/9/12) - 2:30
ING Miami half - (1/27/13) - 2:31
Miami Beach 13.1 -(3/9/13)


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SHAMROCKY2K's Photo SHAMROCKY2K Posts: 4,660
5/9/11 3:45 P

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Why do they put a fence up around a cemetary?

Because people are dying to get in.

Pam
in Maryland
Proud co-leader of **Positive Sparkers**


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BONBON561's Photo BONBON561 Posts: 24,748
5/9/11 1:59 P

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knock knock
who's there
either
either who
either bunny

Knock knock
who's there
either
either who
either bunny

knock knock
who's there
orange
orange who
orange you glad I didn't say either bunny again

Bonnie from KY
Word for the year is CHANGES
Eastern Standard time
proud member of Slytherin




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HILDABRAND's Photo HILDABRAND SparkPoints: (13,948)
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5/9/11 1:28 P

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Knock knock.

Who's there?

Cargo

Cargo who?

Cargo beep beep run over either bunny

-------------------------

Knock knock

Who's there?

Boo

Boo Who?

Don't cry either bunny be back next year

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FREESIA15's Photo FREESIA15 Posts: 1,745
5/9/11 12:59 P

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It's Monday, and we all need a laugh (and/or a groan), so please share your favorites. :)



Deanna Hauser
Co-leader, Tortoises Unite! team
Co-Leader, Living with Dysautonomia team

"It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can only do a little."

"A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle."


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