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AMARANTH13's Photo AMARANTH13 Posts: 95
6/9/14 1:22 P

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Oh i feel like a hermit, I've had to cut so many social activities just to be able to manage my fibro. I used to work from home, that was even more isolated, now I work in an office, but my coworkers are all very social and go chat with each other, and I can barely manage to focus enough on my work. So I don't do the social thing at work very often, and I hope that doesn't make me look negative to them, but that's how I have to do it. At home I almost never have anyone over or go anywhere. I go to some family very now and then and I have some people I chat with on Skype instead of visiting, it's less energy cost for me. I recognize a lot of what others wrote.

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6/4/14 9:06 A

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Gosh, this is my first time reading this string, and yet I see my own daily experiences in all of you. Should have read sooner. At work, I take my lunch and eat in my office while others go out to socialize. I just don't have the energy for it. But I'm OK talking with a coworker one on one. I guess I should be thankful for that since some of you cannot manage even this. I so get it!

I recently took a pay cut so I could reduce my previous 7.5+ hour days to 6 hours -- and can still be considered "full time." That has helped slightly with the fatigue because I go to work later and keep the more energetic morning time for me. Ha!

I'm still in denial and think I will do some gardening after I retire in a few years. Yet I already know that yard work does me in, and I have to sit the rest of the day after indulging in a small amount of this lovely activity.

I loved the "Golden Rule" that was on our childhood rulers back in the 50s. It's as important today as it was back then:
Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.


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DONNAGREENJEAN's Photo DONNAGREENJEAN Posts: 80
6/4/14 6:05 A

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Wow, it is amazing to me to see that other people really do feel the way I do. I had to quit my job 3 years ago and I gradually lost friends and just got to where I don't want to go out ever.... mainly it is because no one seems to "get" what I'm dealing with. I actually know a few other people that say they have fibro also but they don't seem to be dealing with the difficulties that I am. I know it is different for everyone but......... I can't do anything anymore. I always loved to garden but I can't do anything for more than 10 minutes without pain and usually I realize too late that I've done too much. Then, this friend that also has fibro tells me that she rode her bike to work and she lives farther than I do from there (I used to work at the same place) I can't even think of riding a bike that far. I have pain trying to walk around the block at a very slow pace. And then there are the people that always ask how I'm doing but they don't wait for the answer and just say they hope I get better as they walk away. It breaks my heart. I just don't want to talk to anyone but family who know what I'm dealing with because they've seen me dealing with it. They have been there when I have cried....or waiting with me at the ER in the middle of the night. I have no friends but I have a fantastic husband, 2 sons, and mother in law

Donna Jean - fibro fighter

"Come what may, all bad fortune is to be conquered by endurance."

-Virgil


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MARLY46 SparkPoints: (4,633)
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5/2/14 8:34 A

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yeah, easy to get isolated and find yourself feeling it's better to stay that way... i work 3 days a week now instead of full time, one of the huge changes i've made over the years since fibro moved in. it keeps me in touch w/ other people and out of my own head for 3 days a week.
that said, it's hard to go some days, and i really don't make a lot of 'social' effort anymore. it's hard 'cause other people have no idea what you're up against; a dr once told me to 'share' more, but i really found no one wants to hear it anyway.

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3/17/14 10:58 P

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I feel the same way. When I was working I was hanging out with friends and co-workers a lot. But now that I'm on disability I don't do anything anymore. Sometimes I run into my friends or they will call and want to get together but usually end up cancelling. I don't enjoy it but I find sometimes they just totally dont understand fibro. emoticon

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3/17/14 6:52 P

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I started to get isolated when first diagnosed with fibro.. I used to be the person that sat aside and made funny jokes, suggested games,etc.
When I no longer had the energy or painless body to do that. I stayed alone,, I am divorced, no family members around except DD home and a few cousins in town.

One thing that I tried and it really works, is to go to others' homes or a public place.. That way if I get too tired or the pain is unbearable, I can go home, nobody to ask to leave my home..

I kind of made it a game, like 007, James Bond.. (bear with me),, I try to outlast the pain, not telling anybody, like it is a big secret I need to keep.. When it gets too bad, I leave. i just tell them I have meds to take, but have fun and behave!!

The other biggie, is not to feel burdened to talk about ME or mine,, I make myself the question asker: not nosy, just if somebody talks about a meal, I ask ow they made that dish, what is the recipe? New chair, ,,where did they buy it, how do they clean it,etc. Nobody seems to notice that I can then sit back and just let them carry on and I relax and just listen.


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MOMMYMOMMA's Photo MOMMYMOMMA Posts: 6
2/20/14 11:25 A

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Oh my gosh! This describes me completely!! I'm totally anti-social and have lost all of my friends because of pain and depression I can't seem to get myself to go do things with them. I work, go home and spend time with my daughter and boyfriend.

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THOMASINA57's Photo THOMASINA57 Posts: 798
2/13/14 3:39 P

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Great Thread! I see myself in so many of your responses. I was much more outgoing in my younger years and now I spend most of my days at home and usually only go out shopping once a week or so. I do walk the dogs a lot and they are great companions.

I'm too tired to socalize in the evenings and have been this way for many years. My evenings are short as I go to bed early after a warm bath. Even staying up to watch a movie is difficult and I usually watch longer shows over the course of 2 evenings..

So Yes, I've become anti social so to speak due to fibro and osteo..

Reached goal weight 112 lbs November 23, 2012


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2/13/14 10:39 A

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My Auntie Social took off with my Auntie Anxiety. I think they are in the Bahamas. emoticon

I don't feel much like talking to others either to be honest. I just feel like I've run out of things to say. Except this hurts and that hurts and I'm so tired. I think I might read some news or check in on the Olympics just so I can talk about something else.

There will be an answer, let it be.


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COGBURN09's Photo COGBURN09 Posts: 12
2/12/14 5:38 P

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I feel the same way. I'm ok to be around my husband but other people in general I find it hard to be around. I've just retired from the military for fibro and started college at Texas State and I go to my classes and leave to head home as soon as I can. Even talking to family on the phone is difficult. No one really understands the fatigue and pain and I get tired of explaining.


I.M.MAGIC's Photo I.M.MAGIC Posts: 12,821
5/11/12 1:21 A

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Kind of a catch 22 situation, isn't it? Danged if you do, danged if you don't? LOL

Just got to get out there and keep trying, even when it gets hard--but at the same time, you need time to adjust to the newness of things as you start out.

don't make the mistake of kicking yourself when you backslide a bit, though. The fact that you take that chance, make that first step, does mean there's the possibility of falling--but there's also the possibility of great strides. But there are no possibilities if you're not MOVING...

... At least here, you'll have support. You are NOT ALONE!

emoticon

"The real secret of success is enthusiasm..." Walter P. Chrysler said it, I believe it. That's what I want in my life--to give my imagination a chance, to live with energy and enthusiasm!

Ralph Waldo Emerson said 'Life belongs to the energetic.' But you don't have to be frenetic and hyper--some energy is quiet and steady, like a heartbeat... and that works too! LOL

Life comes in specific increments, which we receive as a gift of one moment at a time. That's why it's called t


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CJSAMPSON298's Photo CJSAMPSON298 SparkPoints: (2,646)
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5/8/12 9:01 A

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There are many people with fibromyalgia who wind up being agoraphobic due to the depression and anxiety that generally go hand in hand with fibro. I myself am an agoraphobic, it really can get in the way of finding good treatment and being socially active. Social connections are imerative to our mental wellbeing but it is easy and common for us to turn our backs and become socially isolated. I am very socially awkward and have almost no friends, I am trying to join groups and get out a bit more, though I have the panic attacks from agoraphobia to battle with now also.

I hope you can find ways to become more social again, because if you don't time will only make it more difficult.

Blessings and Peace,
Candi


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I.M.MAGIC's Photo I.M.MAGIC Posts: 12,821
5/6/12 12:46 P

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Grief doeesn't help the situation much; in my experience, it will almost always trigger a flare-up. The hormones triggered by strong emotion can do some pretty wild things... whether the source of the emotion is bad OR good!

Like I said,it isn't always easy to get going. Sometimes, when I'm tired or hurting, the best thing I can do for myself is go to bed... and sometimes, it's to get off my backside, and DO. Even when it hurts or it's hard, it's worth it. And it's the only way to have any energy at all...

It's like investing in the stock market, you have to spend some to get some... LOL

SHOEGIRL, I hope you can get a few answers, but I just have this feeling that the one true answer for you isn't the easiest one: TIME.

Time to work through the grief, time for it to fade, time to rebuild muscle and tissue... time to breathe.

Meanwhile, we're here for you, whenever you need to vent or share... emoticon

"The real secret of success is enthusiasm..." Walter P. Chrysler said it, I believe it. That's what I want in my life--to give my imagination a chance, to live with energy and enthusiasm!

Ralph Waldo Emerson said 'Life belongs to the energetic.' But you don't have to be frenetic and hyper--some energy is quiet and steady, like a heartbeat... and that works too! LOL

Life comes in specific increments, which we receive as a gift of one moment at a time. That's why it's called t


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SHOEGIRL140 SparkPoints: (2,495)
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5/3/12 7:16 P

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I don't know if I am anti social or not. I got so isolated when caregiving for my Dad. I never could go anywhere but work. He passed away 7 weeks ago, but I just want to stay away from people.Now when I can go places, I don't want to.
I also am having a flare up(have a dr. appointment tomorrow) so don't know if that is the problem or the grief.



NAKEVA "It's not what you think it is"


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TONYAKU's Photo TONYAKU Posts: 4
5/3/12 5:45 P

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Most definitely!! We (hubby & I w/friends) used to go out quite a bit. The girls, I think, got tired of me talking about what was wrong on that particular day and I got tired of talking. I miss having friends but there is no one who understands at all! If you have some kind of pain in almost every part of your body at all times, I guess you aren't too fun to be around?! I love to go out and have a drink or two but with meds, I can't have too many anymore. We used to have a 'couple' friend who would come over or we would go to their house and play cards... but apparently I have talked them away too??
But, I talk so much at work so now, I would just rather go home and not say anything. Except I think my relationship with my hubby is suffering. I just don't want to talk though. And all he wants is sex - which I do too but I just am too damn tired!! It takes so much effort to do anything anymore and he gets so upset with me!! What can I do though? He says "you always feel better when you are doing something, don't you?" and I say yeah but you also have to HAVE energy to start doing SOMETHING!! Am I right?? Ugh. Enough talking... it's quiet time emoticon

All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive, fattening or married to someone else.

When I'm bored, I send a text message to a random number saying, "I hid the body, now what?" LOL!!


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TRY2KEEPGOING's Photo TRY2KEEPGOING SparkPoints: (35,458)
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5/3/12 5:07 P

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I love being around people but I do not seek them out. Now that I think about it these are the reasons:

--Most people do not understand fibro. It is easier to not bother with explanations.
--I am tired
--I hurt
--I spent all my energy (aka "spoons") at work
--Once I am stuck in the above, it takes even more energy to get moving.
--Things that used to be fun are painful

I am so grateful for all of you because you understand this!!!
emoticon emoticon

You have to take care of yourself in order to be able to take care of others

Be kind to all because everyone you meet is fighting some sort of battle.



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VALMARK's Photo VALMARK Posts: 147
5/3/12 9:20 A

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My friends fell by the wayside, too. I get it. I'm not fun to be around. Even my best friend only calls me once or twice a month to check on me. We only stay on the phone aorund 5 minutes. I have little to report what's going on in my life (introverted stay home). And it takes energy to talk (converse) and even to listen. But now I'm driving again and getting out so I have more to say.

"People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." ~Maya Angelou

http://www.mckenna.com/default.aspx?pi
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MWATERTOP's Photo MWATERTOP SparkPoints: (1,216)
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5/3/12 8:06 A

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I have felt anti social for a long time, I don't have any friends, they have all just stopped calling. I do call them but never get return calls. I had a girlfriend and we were friends for 23 years, But once I couldn't drink with her at the bar anymore and I didn't want to just go and sit and watch her that was the end of our friendship. She has told me that she doesn't go shopping anymore. That's what we used to do together after I quit drinking and also before. Plus in the last 2 years she won't even talk on the phone. She says she only txts now. Sounded like an excuse to me. Anyway after all that I really don't have friends. And my boyfriend, who lives with me is great getting things done that I can't do anymore. But he def isn't a conversationalist. Never bothered me before but now it does. I am sorry that I took so long getting to the point. But I am so glad that I found SparkPeople. I really feel like I have friends. emoticon

When I feel like I can't take another step in life, He always carries me.


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I.M.MAGIC's Photo I.M.MAGIC Posts: 12,821
5/2/12 11:44 P

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I think we all feel like that now and then... but I've discovered that whenever I make the effort to get out and about among people--even strangers-- I feel better. Not necessarily physically, but better about myself as a person.

And that alone is worth the effort!

It's perfectly okay to feel depressed and fatigued. But for me, it's NOT okay to let that last. I use a timer for everything else... so if I'm going to wallow in the darkness of my comfort zone, I'm going to set a time limit, so I can do some other things along the way.

Scary, yes, but I have to spend some energy to have some...

Hang in there, folks. You CAN get through this!

Kathy emoticon emoticon

"The real secret of success is enthusiasm..." Walter P. Chrysler said it, I believe it. That's what I want in my life--to give my imagination a chance, to live with energy and enthusiasm!

Ralph Waldo Emerson said 'Life belongs to the energetic.' But you don't have to be frenetic and hyper--some energy is quiet and steady, like a heartbeat... and that works too! LOL

Life comes in specific increments, which we receive as a gift of one moment at a time. That's why it's called t


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KRYSTALLA's Photo KRYSTALLA Posts: 1,059
5/2/12 9:52 P

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True it can be so hard and frustrating at times. Sounds like you have a keeper of a boyfriend there, I wouldn't let him go.

Lisa

Eastern standard time zone.


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LAURABEANS's Photo LAURABEANS SparkPoints: (74)
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5/2/12 7:35 P

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I agree with you, it is so hard to describe to anyone what we go through. Thankfully I have a very patient and understanding boyfriend. He wants to learn more about what I go through and he asks a lot of questions and does research. And he just sits by my side when I am having a bad day. Really helps a lot.


HIPCHICK717 Posts: 29
5/2/12 6:45 P

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I can't describe to anyone else what this is like. I hope that your boyfriend understands or at least tries to. I think that I am going to end up alone. I have stopped mourning the person that I used to be, but its so hard to be sociable when you feel so anxious about sounding foolish, being too tired, letting people down because they don't understand what is happening to you and they want tyou to do more.

Tomorrow will be better............

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SASSYTHING52's Photo SASSYTHING52 Posts: 10,836
5/2/12 5:54 P

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yes i go thru same things home is my comfort zone

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VALMARK's Photo VALMARK Posts: 147
5/2/12 4:19 P

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Because of fibro fog and a bad short term memory problem, I've become more comfortable at home not socializing with more than one person at a time. I get very anxious in small gatherings and large crowds. My self confidence drops if I have to talk to someone, answer a question, keep a conversation going. And I used to be a vivacious woman. From age 14 until age 44, I was a singer/musician/song writer. I screamed in rock bands. I was very out-going.

Now I'm an introvert. I forget words, forget what I was going to say right before I was going to say it. Its nuts!

"People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." ~Maya Angelou

http://www.mckenna.com/default.aspx?pi
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LAURABEANS's Photo LAURABEANS SparkPoints: (74)
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5/2/12 2:47 P

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Does anyone have this issue? Somedays just the thought running into the store is so overwhelming I almost cry. I have become so anti social over the last few years. I go to work, but after that just head home where I am comfortable and don't go out much. I don't make plans to see family or frineds. I spend time with my kids and my boyfriend...but usually at home. Anyone going through this???

Edited by: LAURABEANS at: 5/2/2012 (19:36)
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