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12/9/16 3:08 A

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Every Sunday, I have the time to sit at my altar and do my prayers longer than I do during the weekdays when I have to go to work. This Sunday, I will do a prayer for you.

I have learnt much over the last 5 years. One of the things I became aware of is that even during the worst situation, there will always be things one can be thankful for. My marriage is the bad. Very bad. Yet, in that entire situation, my children are my biggest blessings. So I don't know what I would do if I was allowed to turn the clock back and not have this marriage because that would mean not having my wonderful children!

I have always felt that there was a reason why I had to go through this level of unhappiness. I don't know the answer except perhaps that it was to give me the courage to look at other options and put myself first. It was also perhaps for me to learn about appreciating other aspects of life around me and this has been happening quite a bit now.

Your education is not worthless. You are not worthless. You have already shown the courage, more than most, to think of starting your life all over again rather than stay on in an unhappy situation till the end. That is courage of the highest. Remember Gloria Gaynor's song "I WILL SURVIVE". You have more than survived. Go out there and find out what you would like to do and just do it. I doesn't matter how often you falter....you have enough skills to pick yourself up again and continue. You have already shown that.

He cannot break you. No one can break you. He has tried to break you. But you cannot be broken. For this, I will thank God on Sunday.

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Have a great weekend, my dear kawan.

Beeeeeg Hugs, Prema

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12/8/16 8:12 P

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emoticon emoticon emoticon my kawan!
DD=27 and is FINALLY graduating from college. I don't understand these millenials who cannot seem to graduate in 4 years! I got my Master's younger than she is getting her BA!
DS=36 and he got happily married a year ago. He's a dentist living about 3 hours away (by jet).

DD is a Daddy's girl -- loves and respects him more than me. Which is fine - MM is a good father in many respects, a good man even, but he is a terrible husband. My DS is aware of how poorly MM treats me. I have 2 stepsons, both older.... and thanks to their dad, they also treat me poorly. MM favors them strongly in every instance. Those 2 are the sole beneficiaries of MM's 2 life insurance policies. To protect my own children, to make them equal beneficiaries, I MUST divorce in order to force MM to release one policy to then go to benefit our 2 children-in-common. MM can only be sick-in-the-head to treat his children this way; it can only cause much bad feeling among them. Never mind the rest...

Anger to release? I've spent too much time in this dead marriage; I've worked through most if not all my anger with MM. Now, I am mostly angry with myself for waiting, and waiting, and waiting.... Honestly? Not much anger now; mostly regret due to so much time wasted. MM is 10 years older than I am; he's insured his first 2 sons; and he clearly plans (IMO) to spend all the money he can before he dies so as to leave me in financial distress. Maybe I am being too harsh, but he is much more extravagant than I. And he doesn't make us beneficiaries of any insurance plan! Anyway, the sooner I can divorce, the better off financially I will be.

It is a hard, harsh, and sad lesson to learn: "All these years of staying with their dad has made me realise that I may have been sending the wrong message to my children...i.e. to stay on with their partners even when..." I too wish that I could turn back time and leave 15-20 years ago, if only for THEIR sakes. And to think that I STAYED for their sakes! I mean, I place high value on my vow to stay married, but I learned how much this vow has hurt me AND my children.

Yes, I've been building my own life, investigating changes I want to make, both internally and externally. Sometimes I forget, but I do try to make more time for friendships and to cement neglected familial relationships. Lately, I've been considering the possibility of getting a job again. I haven't worked since I married. I've been told my education is worthless now.... So I have no restrictions as long as I am willing (and able!) to start at the bottom again! And that will also help me meet more people and expand my horizons.

He broke me, Prema; he didn't best me. And that was years ago; I've picked myself up, healed, and moved on emotionally. I WILL leave, and I WILL be happier for it!
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WE will make it through, better and stronger! emoticon



Edited by: KOSHIE1 at: 12/8/2016 (20:15)
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12/8/16 4:53 A

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We will refer to them as MM (Merely Male) rather than DH! emoticon emoticon

It's never easy where our children are concerned. I gather you have one daughter. I have 2 children (a girl of 29 and a boy of 24) and they have both witnessed their mum doing her level best to keep things going and life as usual. A few years ago, when the final incident that tipped the iceberg took place, they were both dragged into it. To cut a long story short, they now understand that it would be better if both their parents divorced and lived their lives separately. My daughter lives in Melbourne and only comes home for short periods of time and so, she does not get the full impact of life at home. My son, typical of young Malaysians his age, lives in the family home and therefore sees what the dad does and does not do, on a daily basis. He now also understands how crummy his dad's side of the family can be and as such, he has my back.

All these years of staying with their dad has made me realise that I may have been sending the wrong message to my children...i.e. to stay on with their partners even when they know that there is no longer any companionship. I have now told both my kids that the most important decision they will ever make is the choice of their spouse or life partner and this is the person that they share their doubts, fears, finance, meals, etc etc for the next many many years so to think about the matter as carefully as they can. And because they are human, they can also make mistakes. Assess carefully and do what is necessary - that's what I finally told them!

Given that the economy in Malaysia is at its worst and that taxes will eat away a large portion of my house if I sold it today, I am biding my time and hope to get it all done within the next 2 years. I have my own life, Koshie1 - my work, my friends, my outings, etc and I have learnt to ignore him except when we have no choice but to discuss a matter of mutual necessity.

Here's my 2-bit advice, my kawan. Have your own life. Enjoy yourself and your blessings. Your DD is more hardy than you imagine and she will get over this soon. Get yourself into a release session and let the anger towards your MM slowly dissipate. And slowly, like me, work towards a separate life from him. You have many more happy years ahead of you.

Take care, my kawan. Be good to you.

Beeeeeeg Hugs, Prema

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12/7/16 7:02 P

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Your story amazes me. Are we married to the same man?
When we were newlyweds, we used to wonder which was worse -- that you could unknowingly & unintentionally hurt your spouse so deeply, or was it worse if it happened intentionally?
For twenty years, my husband, like yours, also threatened divorce. He eventually stopped for a few years, but then one suppertime, my DD asked why we stayed together if we argued. This is a difficult question to answer when you wonder why yourself, but you do need to have a reassuring answer for your children. I told her that people disagree and argue even when they love, and I loved her daddy and I did not believe in divorce. This was the truth. And for that answer, my husband spent the next 4 months deliberately and viciously using his knowledge to hurt me at every possible chance, to abuse my trust... If there is a hell on Earth, I spent 4 months there... and he broke me.
I do not want to go into details: he said he would do anything -- I gave him the chance for too many years, and he has done nothing at all, not even apologize. My marriage ended during those "too many years." I am civil; I am cordial even; but I do not let him near me. And I have never told him that I have decided on getting that divorce. I thought that the "right time" would come sooner; now I know that I must simply leave.
So I wait for DD to get a job, leave this house... Why? Because she is fragile, having grown up in all this tension. It is the least I can do. And HOPEfully, this house & pool will be left by all of us at the same time! ...and all in different directions!
I have accepted that DD will hate me for a few years when I do this. But I will do it. It is so hard to live in a house that is never "home"; it is hard to be on guard all the time, to spend years and years being rejected when the only thing you ever really wanted was to be loved. I genuinely think that I will be less lonely and better off living alone. And who knows, maybe someday, there will be another chance at love... but not with so-not-DH.
I am so sad that you are also living a life of quiet desperation.
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12/7/16 6:03 A

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Oh my dear kawan, I cannot believe how parallel our lives have been running up to now.

I am in this huge house that I moved into 5 years ago, and fortunately, I took charge of all the construction of this place as my DH (and he does deserve the title either!) would have made us totally bankrupt had he taken charge. Anyway, he wanted to handle the garden claiming that he was much better in this than I was and I allowed him to do so...to my great regret today! He planted trees with invasive roots in a small patch of land at the back of the kitchen and next to the pond as well. This year, when I took over the garden which had fallen into neglect (his idea of gardening is merely walking around and touching trees and flowers), I discovered the roots of the trees were going to attack our plumbing system and that the moss was threatening to never disappear. I have already paid a lot to have the grass back again and now I have to fork out more because of the trees.

Sigh!!!

As for divorce, there's another story. For many years, every time we have an argument, even a minor one, he threatens divorce. Now that both my kids are adults, I have agreed to a divorce. To cut a long story short, he back pedalled all the way and is now refusing to grant me a divorce. Go figure! The fact is that the man is totally incapable of doing anything for himself and pays more attention to perception...in other words, he is more concerned about society seeing us as one happy family rather than sorting out problems as a unit!

Double sigh!!! It may not be as easy as you think, Koshie1. So tread carefully, my kawan!

Take care of you... emoticon

Beeeeeg Hugs, Prema

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12/6/16 10:22 A

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oh, Prema, I'm sad to hear that you are not feeling well. I'm a great believer in a restorative hot cup of tea..... If it doesn't help the body, it certainly helps the spirit! I like mine in the early hours of the morning, sipping while I watch the sun rise. It helps puts me in a calm but welcoming frame of mind for the rest of the day. emoticon

And today, I am needing that calm while I stare at the ruins of our swimming pool (that functions strictly as a mandatory water reservoir for firefighters -- or pay a $10K fine if one is lacking when the house is sold). I have told my DH (and he does not deserve that honorific!) for a YEAR that the pool was in need of repair -- that it was leaking, that the walls showed damage, that the time to fix it was NOW while it would be easy to fix and repair was still possible and before construction costs go up.... I told him I wanted to it done right away because it would be cheaper and I just wanted to leave this house behind -- to move BEFORE the pool fell apart from neglect. He told me no, I was imagining things, that I was not qualified to say that it was leaking (am it is true I am not, but I have eyes and a brain!), that he'd take care of it next year.... I told him for a YEAR.

And last night... the damage is obvious for even the lamest brain to see. We now have half a pool, and winter and physics will take care to damage the remaining half. This as a beautiful, house but it is cursed. I have come to hate this house. It is a trap. It is beyond costly to keep repairing. And we cannot afford this ghastly error DH has made.

I have bitten off my tongue to keep from telling him "I told you so." I shall have to do without my tongue for another 6 months now, because no one is going to work on a pool in the winter! And then I shall divorce him, as I've wanted to do for 20 years. I was SO happy DD was graduating from college and would be getting a job and leaving this house/family because it would FREE me too. Up until this morning, all I had to do was hold on for just ONE more month....

Sometimes I wonder if God is trying to drive me away as fast as I can run, or if He is trying to show me that I must stay.
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12/6/16 2:12 A

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emoticon ... not too bad, really but still under the weather slightly

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12/4/16 6:59 A

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Hi Koshie1. The reason I understand and many other women will also understand is because we all go through this constantly in our lives.

When you read about the "work", it always sounds little because it's "just 30 minutes to clean" and "just 30 mins to prep the food" and "just 30 minutes to cook the food" and "just 30 minutes to clean up the kitchen to keep it spotless" and finally "just 30 minutes to prep for the next day"....you do the math and add it up....so, explain to me in a language we all understand, how anyone has the nerve to say it does not sound like a lot of work, I have no idea, my dear!!

I work. I manage everything in the house.I manage the finances. Etc etc etc. And it's a big house. It helps that I have 2 helpers with me who manage the housework for me and this has made me decide that my 2 helpers are far more indispensable than my DH, who nowadays seems to be the only spoilt brat in the house. Fortunately, my kids are very sympathetic with me about doing functions at home and have my back when DH gets unreasonable. I sound out on the family WhatsApp and they do the rest!!!

Find your support system, Koshie1. My girlfriends and I have been extremely supportive of one another through divorces, meltdowns, etc. This has been the best thing for me and actually helped me get rid of the anger so that I could actually make some change happen. I have also gone through a release session before and this also helped.

Find your support, my kawan. It's there. It helps. You deserve to be happy...

emoticon Beeeeeeg Hugs, Prema

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12/3/16 11:24 A

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Prema, how do you know my soul?

Thank you SO MUCH for understanding. I re-read what I wrote. Frankly, the work described sounds like so little -- but it is actually weeks of work. Work that I think of as "family time" -- but "family" is never part of it. It hurts. My DH is retired. Ostensibly, he has time and ability to help. I can understand doing all this for kids so as to make the season "magical", but my daughter is an adult. Am *I* the only child at heart here? I DO want the magic, and the family time, and the love; but this is usually the season when I feel particularly bereft. A gift on Christmas Day does not provide what I am missing. And yet, somehow, I am made to feel as if I'm selfish for wanting these. I suppose trying to provide "the magic" for others is my way of begging for love, and I am angry to find that I've created a family that does not show me sufficient love to satisfy my spirit.

Anger is a strong emotion that does (or should!) promote change. I can only change myself and what *I* do....That is why I think I shall spend more time with friends this Christmas season.

I don't find any emoticon appropriate to how I feel.



Edited by: KOSHIE1 at: 12/3/2016 (11:27)
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12/2/16 5:23 A

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Hi Koshie1.

This is amazing. You actually talked me through your thinking for the moment. And it's a reflection of exactly what goes on in a woman's mind...all the time....every time. This sort of thinking crosses international boundaries and whether it's Christmas or Diwali, it doesn't matter. The work is almost always left to the lady of the house. And i will bet my bottom dollar, at least one out two women go through this - all the time!!!

I have 2 Filipino helpers who live in my house and for their sake, I put up a tree every year. I also discovered that they like doing up the tree themselves and so all I do is place their gifts under the tree. We don't have snow in Malaysia ( as with most countries in Southeast Asia) and so the tree and the mistletoe are the only things that remind us of Christmas.

I like how you think. Why do all the stuff when you have to do ALL the work putting things up AND putting these away and everyone else just assumes that you will do it. When my kids were young, I used to bend over backwards and do all that was necessary during our many festive periods. I was and still and am a working mother....and now that my kids are adults, I treat the day as just another day. And visit other people who want to celebrate.

It's not your Grinch day. And neither is it "one of those days"...whatever that means!! It's fine to think and feel this way, my kawan. You are entitled to do so. After having given all of you to all of others, you are just taking some of you back for you.
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Have a good weekend, my kawan. Be good to you.

Beeeeeeeeg emoticon , Prema

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12/1/16 6:54 P

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Right now, we are checking out the house inside and out for things that we have to do to prepare for a brief deep-freeze anticipated to start tomorrow and continue until Tuesday. Things like making sure outside pots are overturned or put away inside for the winter, water hoses are disconnected, pool is winterized...
Xmas? I buy Xmas gifts throughout the year when I see something that I think someone on my list will like. Right now, I am digging them out of all their hiding places and consolidating them in one room. Then I'll make my list of people for whom I have not yet bought gifts; and I will wrap the gifts I do have.
This weekend or possibly next, we will buy a Christmas tree and decorate it and the house inside and the front door (we don't put up outdoor lights as the house is too big and we are too far from the road for the house to be seen). I've collected large papier-mache deer and mini Xmas trees over the years -- I use these to create a snowy "forest" scene near the front door, which is hung with a wreath. Lightweight white snowflakes of various designs on silver ribbons are hung from the ceiling over the formal dining table, and the table is dressed with a white tablecloth and white and silver branches and other pieces of silverware and crystal candlesticks to make a centerpiece. Gold chargers are the only other color. I twist white branches and white ribbon around the chandelier. The casual dining table in the sunroom gets a red and green treatment: red tablecloth, red berried vines with some evergreens, and a green wreath with red candles and candy canes is hung as a candelier over the table. Candy canes are also on the table. My nutcracker collection is displayed on a few window sills. My angels go in two places -- in the entry foyer around the manger scene, and gathered in an arrangement on a demilune chest between the living and dining rooms. I decorate the mantel with a large mirror (and I'm getting too old and weak to be able to do that -- this will probably be the last year if I don't get some HELP!) which reflects everything and adds SO much sparkle, some spun glass artificial snow, and ALL the rest of my crystal candlesticks. I top all the candlesticks with the tallest, biggest, most colorful, prettiest glass ornaments!
Depending on my enthusiasm for torture (the task of putting everything BACK into storage), Santas and other Xmas themed items such as certain toys go in the bedrooms. Bannisters and some certain large picture frames are wired with evergreen drapes, bows, and ornaments.

Well, at least I did all that stuff last year. This year, I don't think we will be having any guests. So we'll decorate the tree (assuming I get any help), and I'll put up the manger and do the mantel and hang the wreath on the front door with some deer nearby. I just am.... tired of always doing ALL the decorating and ALL the cleaning up and packing after the New Year BY MYSELF. It isn't that it isn't appreciated; but it isn't appreciated enough that anybody else wants to add to the holiday spirit or even add to MY holiday spirit. I am taken for granted. So if "they" can't be bothered, why do I bother? I just don't feel like it this year. I'll just do what is important to me and no more. Maybe I WON'T decorate the tree if I don't get help!

This must be my "Grinch" day!
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I don't know... for the first time in....? I really am not particularly looking forward to Xmas. It all just seems to be chores. I want to play a game with someone. No one will play with me. Ever. Oh, they'll sit and watch TV with me -- if THEY choose the show. And you don't interact with anybody when you watch TV! I want to bake cookies and make a Gingerbread House. My box of gingerbread and moulds have gone unused for 5 years now. I guess I should get rid of them. Every year, I have to make a HUGE fuss about the tree decorating to get anyone to do it with me and I'm TIRED of that! I know! I'll simply say when the subject comes up that I don't think a tree should be bought this year because *I* am NOT decorating it! I'm not putting it up or digging out of storage the boxes of ornaments and carrying them up or decorating it or taking it down or wrapping and putting away all the ornaments and carrying the boxes down and finding a storage space for it all! I'll help if someone else wants to do it (HA!)...

Yep. I've decided. That is exactly what I'll do -- only that which pleases me to do. And I'll arrange to take myself out to dinner with a friend once or twice. I shall nourish my own spirit.

And I'm going to quit now.
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12/1/16 4:50 A

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emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

It's the 1st of December and you will be heading for another round of preparations again for this celebration. What are the plans looking like for this year, Koshie1?

As for us in Malaysia, this is the time of the year when it rains, rains, rains and there is massive flooding in the east coast states of the country. I stay on the west coast and am therefore spared from the worst of the monsoons. No complaints if it rains at night though...great weather to sleep soundly...

Have a good one today, my friend. Beeeeeeeg Hugs, Prema



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11/30/16 8:46 P

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plum loco (giggle!)....
So EVERYbody is feeling the endorphins? Wow.... Moskito knows what he is doing!

Not being a Californian, i don't really know how Gov. S. did. California is still there. That's saying something!

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11/30/16 5:16 A

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Hi Koshie1.
The only thing smart about good ole Arnie was that he knew he had neither brains nor talent to get by and so he turned to the one thing he did have - his looks - and honed himself to Mr Universe. The he got even smarter by marrying Maria Shriver and becoming a governor...but I was told, by some people, that he wasn't too bad a governor at all!!!
What do you think?

Moskito uses the Big Jump as the reason for pushing me but deep down, this boy is actually quite passionate about keeping fit and exercising. He does PT for my team as well and as much as they want to kill him when he pushes them, they missed him when he was away and are, admittedly, addicted to working out with him.

Final diagnosis : we are just plum loco..... emoticon emoticon

Have yourself a good one today, my kawan.....

Beeeeeeeg Hugs, Prema emoticon

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11/29/16 11:20 A

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Somehow, I always felt sorry for Arnold Schwartzenegger. All those muscles! He had to work HARD to get them, and he had to work forever harder and harder just to KEEP them. It was a huge time investment. Far better to invest that time in your health! I know you are dreading having to increase your effort. Is there a specific goal you have in mind? Or is Moskito pushing you for a limited time -- until the big jump? Or is he simply pushing you to achieve your maximum?

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11/29/16 4:57 A

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emoticon ...great weather for running this morning...

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11/28/16 5:39 A

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See....that's why we resonate, my kawan.

I needed you to set me straight and to get out of my vanity mode and therefore acknowledge the wisdom of your words. Moskito told my team that I am a tough act to follow and that I am actually getting stronger as I get older. It's not even between a rock and a hard place in this situation - I want to thank him for the compliment and I want to murder him because he will change the exercises for me as well as for my team soon.

God has a sense of humour, don't you think!?!???!!!

I did have a good run yesterday - emoticon + 1.2K more....admittedly, I emoticon the last 2km as my mind by then had communicated to the rest of my body to give up!!!

Have a great start to the week, my kawan.

Beeeeeeeg Hugs, Prema

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11/27/16 4:22 P

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Prema my kawan, "10" is not Bo Derek at age 28 in that movie; it is Prema at age 58 acknowledging where she is starting, setting appropriate goals, working to achieve them, making progress, and never giving up! "10" is not a beauty pageant that you age out of. It is a strong mind, a strong body and a strong spirit! It is being at your best at the chosen point in your life.

And the chosen point in your life is hopefully, always, "the here and now."

From everything that you have told me, I think you are closer than you realize. There is just one moskito still alive that.... emoticon

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11/27/16 4:39 A

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Koshie, my dear dear friend, I would love to imagine that I could be a "10" one day but at 58, I am merely hoping that my breasts take forever to reach my knees and that wrinkles find me abhorring enough to stay away for a long, long time!! So, I will be a 10 in my next birth!!!

Isn't that just like God to show you some humour by making you the 13th person? Bet if there was a selection panel that had to choose 12 out of the first 30 people dressed appropriately for the occasion, you would have won hands down!!!

It wasn't ennui, by the way...it was just you indulging in a well-deserved rest and a leisurely day! Have a great Sunday, my kawan!

Beeeeeeeeeg Hugs, Prema

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11/26/16 12:29 P

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All I have planned today is to do some gift wrapping of Christmas presents for DS and DIL. They will be coming to DD's college graduation ceremony in 3 weeks -- but can only stay one day. I will send them home with the gifts. Otherwise, I remain mysteriously tired -- or perhaps it is ennui?
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11/25/16 6:52 P

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I think Moskito is winning me over!

Yes, Yes, I want a picture of you AT 10! I desire this much more than a picture of you killing M. because said picture would necessarily make me an accomplice and I would not be able to share it! Although I AM beginning to think you could buy me off for a short time with a picture of M! Except for his torturous tendencies, he sounds adorable!

My favorite consignment store had a Black Friday Event: "Breakfast at Tiffany's" -- wear a black dress and pearls and be one of the first dozen entering the store and get a free gift (set of coupons, candy, makeup, and small jewelry item) and of course, big discounts for everyone on EVERY item in the store while also being served mimosas and small sweets and pastries. So I got up this morning, bathed, fixed my hair, put on makeup, black dress and pearls... and was the 13th person.... Darn! But it was a nice way to start the day (I felt pretty) and I bought 2 Xmas gifts for my DILs and some jewelry and an awesome jacket for myself at amazing prices.

Then I came back home and spent some time cuddling with my bird. She's such a sweetie....

And THEN.... we ate leftovers! No cooking! What an indulgent day!


emoticon

Edited by: KOSHIE1 at: 11/25/2016 (18:52)
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11/25/16 4:58 A

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Way to go girl...only a smart woman can do this and make it all sound sooooo cool and easy.

emoticon emoticon ....that's you!!!

Hit 10? Hit 10???? You may see a picture of me killing Moskito before you see a picture of me hitting 10. Admittedly, one just has to admire his tenacity and resilience. He is definitely a dedicated trainer and makes sure that he gives his best to his clients. However, his quality of one-liners and jokes did not improve with the accident...may have gotten worse, actually!

emoticon

Have a great Black Friday, my kawan.

Beeeeeeeg Hugs, Prema

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11/24/16 6:23 P

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I thank God and YOU for my friendship!

We had a lovely stress-free and dleicious meal. I had managed to make several dishes in advance and had them ready to just put in the oven for their final cooking. The table was set in advance.... So, of course, there was the final flurry of activity when ALL the timing beepers went off at 1 minute intervals -- but DD was in the kitchen giving all the help needed.

So are you going to post some pix when you hit "10"?

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11/24/16 6:02 A

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Moskito is back with a vengeance to get us all back at 10 on the Fighting Fit scale of 1 to 10!!

Happy Thanksgiving my kawan. You have achieved a marvellous miracle - stood your ground and made sure others understood the meaning of taking someone else for granted. Good for you!!!

On this very special day, I send the biggest hugs and the warmest of thanks for a very special friendship across the miles. God Bless you always.
emoticon

Beeeeeg Hugs, Prema

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11/23/16 9:48 A

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emoticon ?
I see Moskito is still pushing you(r buttons)! And revenge is still on your mind!

DD is here to help. But both of us are tired for different reasons and we've agreed to simplify and make fewer dishes. And who is going to argue? The alternative is that the complainer will do all the cooking and cleaning! And yes, it has happened --- ONCE. And since DH did not do the cleaning up in a timely fashion, I did not enter the kitchen for a full WEEK afterward --- until the kitchen was as completely clean as he expects ME to clean it! (Oh, and I was merciless!) emoticon This was a very effective lesson for both of us. He learned the value of appreciation; and I learned the value of standing up for myself!

Beeeeeeeeeeeger Hugs to you!


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11/23/16 5:10 A

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Oh dear, my kawan.

emoticon lots and lots of coffee to stay awake doing all that you have to do.

If I were there, I would definitely offer you my assistance.

Beeeeeeg Hugs, Prema emoticon

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11/22/16 2:13 P

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Just the lottery of having a nice HOME to come back to!

But over 400 e-mails means it will take time to catch up! And I am now fully submerged into holiday preparations for Thanksgiving. I must prepare all the traditional foods and I will begin tonight. Right now, I'm writing out the grocery-shopping list.
emoticon



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11/22/16 5:15 A

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Welcome back KOSHIE1
emoticon emoticon emoticon

Is it obvious that you were missed??

Hope you are able to paddle through all your e-mails and at the end, you get news that you won a lottery. Have fun my kawan. And God Bless.

Beeeeeeeeeg Hugs, Prema

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11/21/16 2:35 P

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I just got home and am wading through tons of e-mails.

You make me laugh!
emoticon

I had a very nice vacation and really enjoyed seeing my friend and my brother.

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11/14/16 5:15 A

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Hi Koshie.

We have similar nightmares in Malaysia and almost always, I am left wondering if either the doctor or the mother had dropped the guy on his head when he was born!!!
How else can you explain nincompoop behaviour like this! So...my theory...definitely dropped on their heads 50 times when they were born...and all this did was bounce back as a result of the hot air in the head!! I am VERY mean!!!!

Forget about the car. It can get cleaned after you return. Just ENJOY, my kawan.

Have a great start to the week!!!

Beeeeeeeg hugs, Prema emoticon emoticon

Edited by: PREMAMEHROTRA at: 11/14/2016 (05:16)
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11/13/16 12:38 P

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Do you know, the car place where I made my appointment to get my car cleaned made a mistake! They don't clean cars on Saturdays! They make appointments to clean cars on Saturdays, but they don't clean cars on Saturdays. I was forced to make another appointment -- 3 weeks from now. They sent me an e-mail s confirmation. Guess what? They messed up again -- AGAIN giving me an appointment for SATURDAY (despite that, in person, I had made the appointment for a Tuesday!) And I'm not going to be around to fix this until I get back. I'm rather upset at this point! (So DH never got a chance to lend me his car....) Too bad. It's a nice threat I didn't get to use......
But, you're right, I balance this against the pleasure I am experiencing to be packing and leaving for a holiday. And the holiday far outweighs the minor inconvenience of having to wait to get someone else to do the unpleasant work of car-cleaning!
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11/13/16 7:11 A

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Hi Koshie...

Please tell your husband that you have friends (don'rt say SP) in America and way across the oceans...who can get pretty nasty when someone says no to our friend!
Do I sound scary? At least, a tad scary???? Yes? No! No??? Well, back to the drawing board for me.

Ran 10 km and spent the rest of the day with my help running around after my grandson. He can crawl now and he is probably the fastest crawler around my non-babay safe house!! The Fitbit chalked up many steps today!!!

Have a good Sunday, my kawan.

Beeeeeeeg Hugs, Prema

PS How exciting to be planning a short holiday....

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11/12/16 1:01 P

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emoticon

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11/11/16 9:02 P

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So you will have a busy fun-filled weekend with lots of love! Sounds wonderful! emoticon
Today I ran around AAAALLLLLL day after exercise getting errands done. (I got home at 6:30!) Tomoorrow will be busy also -- I must take my car into the shop so I will be packing for my trip and cleaning house. Hopefully DH will lend me his car because I DO have one important errand for tomorrow.....
Yes, emoticon I have a great heart! How I got it with such weak legs I do not know. This weekend will be my last 2 trips on my bike emoticon before leaving for Phoenix to see my friend and my brother for a week. Nancy will keep me walking (and walking and walking!) for exercise! emoticon

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11/11/16 4:18 A

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God has a weird sense of humour. We have to work our body harder, eat moderately and rest every day so that our heart can work efficiently 24 hours a day, 7 days a week! There is no machine that can work 24/7 and has to be worked harder in order to do better anywhere in the world!!
emoticon

My god-daughter and my grandson will be spending the weekend with me!! emoticon

Have yourself a good weekend, my friend....

Beeeeeeg Hugs, Prema

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11/10/16 11:01 A

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emoticon for you too!

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11/10/16 3:17 A

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Thank you my kawan.

It's probably why I have not yet killed him. He has actually improved my fitness level and my ability to run mostly non-stop over 12km. And being the sucker that I am, I have actually been sending him some food ever since he must his upper thigh muscle in that bicycle accident. He will be out of action for all of November until he sees the doctor again sometime at the end of this month.

I like your tenacity and resilience with your bike. At this rate, you will improve both your cardio and your core muscles. Way to go, Koshie. emoticon
I also like the fact that you trust the bike, the road and your body - that's a huge step in the right direction
emoticon emoticon .

Have a good one today, my friend. And here's a HUGE hug for you.

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11/9/16 9:53 A

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A FOUR MINUTE PLANK?!?!?!?!?! FOUR? 4? Four? I am sitting here open-mouthed in admiration! emoticon
I think the proper day to kill Moskito is when you gather on the big day at the jumping point. There in front of witnesses you can be the one to push him over the edge. Of course, you might have to fight off the others who also want their revenge! I'm sure they will ALL say that you are justified! (AND successful!) emoticon

I am pleased to say that I rode my bike again around the loop (3 days in a row!). I could not ride it quite as far/high, but the thing about bike riding a loop is that your MUST go all the way in order to get back home! I don't understand why walking my bike instead of riding it helps me catch my breath (I don't ever stop) -- but I take that as a sign that I have SOME aerobic capacity! Pushing until I can't push will slowly build strength, I know. So I carry on.

I noticed FINALLY that I leaned into the curves at least a little in order to keep up a little more speed. So I am beginning to trust the bike, the road, and my body, I still find myself trying to pull the bike UP to keep myself ON, but this too will pass as I continue to build trust in the experience. Right now, I guess it is giving me an arm workout while I ride! emoticon

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11/9/16 4:58 A

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Hi Koshie. Believe you me, I measure progress exactly the way you do.
When I first started with Moskito, I wanted to kill him when he made me do a 1-minute plank. Now want to kill him when he pushes me to go beyond a 4-minute plank!! The timing is immense progress....the desire to kill isn't...and the fact that I have still not succeeded in killing him is the only failure I am facing now.... emoticon

Your baby girl is too young to appreciate all that you managed to do. After she turns 30 and finds herself hurtling at lightning speed towards 40, you will be sooooooo appreciated, so admired that suffice to say, you could end up in her mind as the eighth wonder of the world. My husband's aunt once remarked to me at dinner that it was strange that I had not yet suffered any health issues that her (very much younger) daughters were facing. There was no way this overweight woman and her equally overweight daughters would have understood the double 4-letter word called EXER CISE....I smiled and told her I was just lucky!

You keep going, my kawan. I am so very proud of you never ever giving up despite the fears and discomfort - that is the true traits of a champion.

Have a good one today.... emoticon

Beeeeeeeg Hugs, Prema

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11/8/16 11:12 A

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I AM celebrating, Prema! I told YOU!
I know 3 feet sounds like nothing, but it is 3 feet up a very steep driveway at the end of a 2 mile ride that is also very steep -- which i am yet not strong enough aerobically or physically to do without getting off my bike and walking until I can catch my breath. My heart pounds like it does not when doing aerobics..... and still I push to go just a few inches more at the very end of my route. It IS challenging; it is measurable; and I AM progressing.
I told my daughter. She was proud of me, knowing that it was a challenge -- but she talked of "saddle soreness" which I mysteriously am not experiencing. I don't think she appreciated (being young) the challenge of simply relearning to ride the bike, conquering my fear of falling and of the terrible speed you can build up going downslope, nor the challenges of BREATHING and building leg strength!
I trust that you do appreciate these things. You are also engaged in pushing your limits -- physically, mentally, and emotionally (facing the Big Jump!). And sometimes, this is accomplished in stages that look small from the outside perspective.
Being able to share conquering my challenge with you increases me joy. You incentivize me, my kawan! Thank you for sharing in my happiness to see some progress; thank you for motivating me; thank you for being my friend! I accept your toast!
emoticon emoticon

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11/8/16 5:51 A

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Koshie, we have to celebrate...I will toast you at my dinner time and at your dinner time, you can accept the toast together with the compliments and the congratulations!!
emoticon

You have made monumental progress - 2 major cardio exercises and THAT 3 FT EXTRA - that, my kawan, is very newsworthy indeed. We should celebrate even more.... emoticon

Beeeeeeeg Hugs, Prema



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11/7/16 11:11 P

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I did Zumba AND rode my bike today... emoticon
oh, and I made it about 3 feet higher up my driveway before I had to put my feet down (or fall over...)

Edited by: KOSHIE1 at: 11/7/2016 (23:12)
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11/7/16 5:16 A

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emoticon .... good workout today...not as interesting as yours, Koshie, but still a good workout...

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11/6/16 4:03 P

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good for you, CS!

I rode my bike the hard way around the circle. Well, rode and walked it... there are parts that are simply too steep and I can't push the pedals hard enough to move enough to actually stay on the bike! So embarrassing! But truthfully, at least I'm out there doing it, and that gives me a sense of pride!
emoticon --> emoticon

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11/6/16 12:30 P

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emoticon emoticon

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11/6/16 7:25 A

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emoticon party on Saturday and suffer on Sunday during my run...

What can I say....life's too short... emoticon

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11/5/16 2:49 P

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11/4/16 7:10 P

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Yes, it works. But just like every single other diet, it must become a way of life in order to maintain your losses. Since really, sugar is not good for you, and since I do like rich tasting food, this diet does suit me. it's just.... I used to be very active. And now I am older, and less active, and menopausal, and putting on weight. Overall, it is high time I learned to eat more lady-like proportions!
YOu have a good weekend also, my kawan. With lots of endorphins!

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11/4/16 5:15 A

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Low Carb and High Fat diet! Atkins, right?
Does it work? I eat the same thing I do but I reduce the portions every time I gain a kilo or two. This has worked for me and I know it's not the panacea for everyone and so I do not advocate it all and sundry unless they show a similar preference.

I do take high-fibre foods as these fill me up and make me feel quite full until the next meal. Keeping my fingers (and toes) crossed for you tat you will be able to wean yourself off added sugar and flour.

Have a good weekend, my kawan. You deserve it. emoticon

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11/3/16 1:23 P

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I'm on a LCHF diet. So the amount of calories in something never is a surprise. What constantly IS a surprise is the sheer volume that I eat! Right now, I'm trying very hard to wean myself off everything with sugar and flour in them, and to restrict snacking. I'm hoping that logging my food will also make me more aware of the volume I eat and gradually bring me around to learning that I can be satisfied with less.

emoticon

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11/3/16 6:21 A

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Hi Koshie. Good for you. Promise me that you will not allow yourself to be shocked out of your system when you find that you may have been consuming more calories than you thought! Happens 100% of the time. I did not know the calories in my ginger biscuit that I have with my afternoon coffee...the silly thing looked so harmless...and when it got logged, it was one of the more potent stuff with sugar, calories and rubbish!!
Sigh.....

Way to go.... emoticon emoticon

Beeeeeeeg Hugs, Prema

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11/2/16 10:41 P

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I am logging my food
emoticon

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11/2/16 3:47 A

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Day one was marvellous for me...the weather was great, the 6.5 km was even better and I had a smile on my face the whole day...
emoticon
emoticon

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11/1/16 3:42 P

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Day one of a new month and a new beginning!
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11/1/16 5:26 A

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I understand exactly what you mean.
When I am jogging, I feel like I am running the pace of the world-class marathoners that I see on telly at the Olympics, at Boston, New York, etc etc. Especially when the legs become very rubbery!
Then I discover that I am running as fast as they are doing a leisurely walk around the mall!!!
You are soooo right, Koshie. Occasionally, we are legends in our own minds, aren't we??

You are a very astute to have stayed away from the highways even though there is a lane possibly designated for cyclists. I have always told my son that I have never doubted his responsibility on the road when he's driving. It's the other drivers that I am concerned about - the ones who drink and drive, the ones who speed and the ones who can a kick out of breaking the rules!

Thank you for your kind compliments and yes I like the emoticon for exactly the same reason you do. And you are one brave gal...running errands dressed like a zombie. If I had seen you on the road, I would have stopped and congratulated you for your efforts to get other people in the mood. And to top it off, you were part of a "flash" mob. I like your spirit, my friend. I really do. Way to go!

emoticon emoticon emoticon ... Happy Halloween!!!!


Beeeeeeeg Hugs, Prema

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10/31/16 11:01 P

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What got me to thinking about riding a bike was my effort earlier this summer to engage my fellow exercisers by using familiar toys to play with: jump-rope, hula-hoop, mini-trampoline, balls.... I told you about this. We were all confident in our abilities with these toys, and we were all chagrined to discover that our abilities now resided only in our heads and not our bodies! And Boulder, Colorado is a big promoter of bike-riding -- hosting several major biking events. World class athletes come here to train. Bike races go past my house. Sadly, I am not ABOUT to venture out on the highway outside my neighborhood... and there is no other way to get anywhere without DRIVING my bike there in a car! And why will I not ride my bike on the highway? While there is a nice wide bike lane or road shoulder (I'm not sure if it is officially a bike lane) and many many bikers do ride it all the time, every year at least one biker gets killed. Car speed is very high and I can't believe anyone is so careless with their lives as to ride on the highway!
Anyway, my neighborhood will suffice for awhile -- and there is a small hope that I might be able to access the adjacent neighborhood on my bike. It would be lovely to meet fellow casual cyclists, but that will have to wait for my skills to improve and my heart to stop pounding so hard at this altitude! It really isn't fair to be able to do aerobics for an hour only a 1000 feet lower but feel so UNFIT here at home! But that is why the world-class athletes come.... 1000 feet makes a big difference!

You know, you DO sound terribly fit. Bursting with health and feminine muscles emoticon and pride and passion! emoticon ( I like this trophy cup because its handles look like little flexing muscular arms!) You have PLANS! These are all vital to living a good life. Not only do you sound exciting, you ARE exciting. And you have every reason to be proud of yourself!

So, tonight is Halloween. I dressed and put on zombie makeup this morning and went to exercise. I had to run a few errands before going home, but it was alright.... quite a few adults congratulated me on my awesome awful looks. I did tend to shamble a bit.... emoticon to add to the effect.... I kept my "look" all day because this evening, I was part of a flash mob doing "the Thriller" (Michael Jackson's zombie dance). I don't know anyone in this particular group (or community) yet, but maybe if I keep going, I'll get a chance to form a few friendships. As it is, it is exciting and fun emoticon emoticon emoticon to be part of a youthful "scene".


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10/31/16 4:01 A

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Moskito sends me a message this morning to check if I am doing my training without him. Of course, after that, I just had to do my exercises....anyway, I am a certified endorphin addict and the world just does not seem right if I don't get my daily shot every day!
I just love how exciting I sound!!!!!
emoticon emoticon

So very happy to know that you now have a challenge that will test you without causing you more pain in other parts of the body. You may soon set up a trend, my kawan....I will not be surprised!

Have a great start to the week, my friend...

Beeeeeeg Hugs, Prema

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10/30/16 1:45 P

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emoticon You understand! Thanks, Prema! emoticon

While I never guessed that getting on a bike again would be such a challenge, I AM absolutely delighted to find it a challenge and also delighted to have a plan to get some more physical exercise that I can call "fun". As much as I enjoy aerobics, finding a challenge appropriate to my level of fitness and physical abilities (I don't want more knee-pounding which is why I don't run) Is something I really am pleased to be doing.

I am sure that having the social contact of runners sharing their joy to be celebrating Diwali really made it an extra special day of running. You must have been swimming in endorphins by the time you got home! Have a great Diwali emoticon emoticon



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10/30/16 7:21 A

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emoticon emoticon emoticon without falling....WAY TO GO, MY KAWAN!

The most important thing is that you did it. YOU DID IT! The girl who was so terrified and told her daughter a few things etc etc is now planning to get back on the saddle and conquer that stoooooopid hill! You go, girl....

I emoticon emoticon today and it was absolutely wonderful. The weather was great and there were enough runners here and there hollering Happy Diwali to ensure that I had no chance to stop till I reached the entrance of the residential area where I live. I rewarded myself with a great brunch after that..

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Have a great Sunday, Koshie. Beeeeeeg hugs. Prema

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10/29/16 3:56 P

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KOSHIE1's Photo KOSHIE1 SparkPoints: (192,033)
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10/28/16 9:14 P

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OY! Poor Prema! I think it is time to quit your job! emoticon Well, just a little longer to get the most out of Moskito..... emoticon

Guess what! I made it all the way around the neighborhood loop on my bike! WITHOUT FALLING! The loop is slightly over 2 miles long and while I have walked it before, riding it on a bike is entirely different! From my driveway for the next 1 and 3/4 miles, it is all downhill I discovered! What I thought was flat while walking turned out to actually be a downslope. I know this because I had to grit my teeth to keep from screaming and had to use my brakes to keep from going too fast for way, way longer than I thought possible. At least there was no possible way for any mountain lion to even WANT to try to catch me! And then finally I reached the uphill part. Unmistakably UPhill! GASP! emoticon I actually had to start pedaling! And then, to be honest, no matter how I shifted, I could not pedal hard enough to move my bike. I had to get off and walk it part of the way, then get back on and TRY to get started going uphill again, then repeat the whole on/off process 4 more times before I was finally back home.

First, I am scared witless for 1 and 3/4 miles, and then I am humiliated for the last 1/4 mile! At least I did so little pedaling that I am not saddle-sore! SO I think tomorrow I shall try going the opposite direction around the loop. That should be only one quarter mile of death-defying speed and then a long slog (but gentler) uphill to get home. I hope I can manage!
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PREMAMEHROTRA SparkPoints: (184,561)
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10/28/16 5:06 A

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Moskito was roped in by my boss to ensure that I was properly fit for bungee jumping. Of course, I am terrified. I just hope I don't pee in my pants!! But I have been seeing video clips of women in their 70s and 80s doing bungee jumping and well, I look like a bloody coward next to them!!You are sooooooo right! Craziest idea ever....but I have been committed to it as I will have all my expenses paid and done for by my boss, hence leaving me a seriously minuscule area to negotiate with him!!

The most marvellous examples of ageing that I have seen are Helen Mirren, Meryl Streep, my brother's wife in India and one of my friends aged 70. Many of the other friends of mine either have a bleak outlook on life or have a plethora of health issues to handle. My 70 year old pal warns the young me jogging on her usual routes that if she catches them, they would have to marry her - no choice! She has such a marvellous sense of humour!!

Enjoy your youth, Koshie1 .... emoticon . Glad that you are feeling very much up and about.

Beeeeg emoticon , Prema

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10/27/16 1:32 P

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I think I would die if I had to seriously contemplate bungee-jumping! It took me 3 days to recover from my SON'S telling me that he went sky-diving (which he thoughtfully told me only AFTER the fact). NO No no no nononono! Do not do this! I suppose that is why you will be having only "the last 5 of [your] life next year"! This would seriously shorten my life too! If not kill me outright! At the very least, check with Moskito about the forces on your body and if it is safe at 60, for females!

I DO push myself hard at exercise. I have always. Abruptly (at our individual ages) we have all thickened around the torso (myself this year). I had hoped to avoid this..... and it makes me worried about the other signs of aging I see in my sister exercisers coming for me! Certainly aging is inevitable, but I don't know how hard to push the others or myself. What can you fight, and what must you accept? Lately, I see more and more literature about the increasing rapidity of onset of aging starting at 60, and it makes me wonder if I have simply been "unsympathetic" regarding the others, since, as the "baby", I am younger than they and have not personally experienced the aging they have.

Today is a beautiful day. I hope to complete a few chores and go out and ride my bike....
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PREMAMEHROTRA SparkPoints: (184,561)
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10/27/16 5:29 A

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I was laughing my head off at your post. emoticon
It was sooooooo funny!
I was sort of imagining you leading your troop through a series of Tabata exercises and while you are continuing non-step, and with a smile on your face, the rest of them are dropping off like flies and at the end of the session, there are all these bodies on the floor!
Would you like to know something really cruel? Moskito also trains my team at the office! They wanted to kill me at first but now they are more or less, hooked onto his programmes which he changes every quarter.
They (including my boss) have decided that to celebrate the last 5 in my life next year we will have to climb Mount Kinabalu and everyone, including me, have to be fighting fit for this. And to celebrate my 60th and since I am the oldest in the office, we will be bungee jumping!! Do you get the feeling they hate me!!!
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Do you know how wonderful it is to hear that you are feeling good. Let's celebrate!!! emoticon emoticon

Beeeeeeeg Hugs, Prema


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10/26/16 7:29 P

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Tabata! OOoooohhh!! I AM impressed! I have wanted to try it but I can't seem to muster up the "oomph" to get it done at home. I can lead the ladies through three sets (30 secs followed by 15 secs "rest") at class -- as long as I turn my back to them so that I don't get discouraged from their lack of effort. And even then, it seems that I can't persuade myself to go through the motions that I personally must go through (full-out, really strenuous actions like burpees) since I KNOW that anything that involves getting on/off the floor will be strongly resisted (I can't help but HEAR them!). As a leader, I am somewhat constrained..... Basically, i just lead them through running in place while swinging arms wildly. Anyway, what actions do you do for Tabata?
You're not boring. You're a junkie hooked on health and endorphins! And once you are so fit as to do Tabata training, it really IS rest to stretch out your rest period to 15 secs! And the body NEEDS rest occasionally! Beeeeeg deal, Prema! emoticon emoticon

I feel good today. Strong. Happy. emoticon Now if I could only feel slender.....

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