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6/20/12 9:58 P

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Keep fighting, and know that your SparkFriends (that's us, whether you "know" us or not) are always here for you.

"Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I will set the world on fire.

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3/23/12 9:13 A

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I'm so sorry I missed this, I was out of the country when you posted this.

I don't really have much to 'help' with your situation but just know that I believe you will do what you have to to get through this. I think a lot of times we don't realize how strong we are until we have to be and I think you checking yourself into a hospital to save your own life shows you how strong you are. You are showing yourself that you will do whatever it takes (quitting a stressful job) to do what is best for yourself. I think it is important to know yours limits and know what in the end will make you a happier, healthier person. After all, isn't that the point?

I know that doesn't make your situation any easier but I believe you will find a way. Keep fighting and keep moving toward your goals. I'm sending lots of good, happy, positive thoughts you way. For whatever that is worth


 current weight: 132.0 
RISENPHOENIX's Photo RISENPHOENIX SparkPoints: (56,604)
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3/5/12 3:28 A

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A few years ago I found out that I had a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, I say "found out" because I was diagnosed at age 11, but no one told me. I figured this was the reason for my suicidal tendancies and rollar coaster relationships and I worked my butt off in DBT to overcome my disorder- I no longer meet the criteria for the disorder! That is the good news, the bad news is, that along with that disorder we (my therapist and I) realized that I also have Chronic PTSD and DDNOS (Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified) so pretty much if my stress levels reach maximum overload my brain shatters and I dissociate and start "forgetting" days, conversations and other fun stuff. A few weeks ago I finally cracked and during a dissociative episode I hurt myself pretty badly, I was so afraid that I would kill myself and not have control over it (at least not the logical part of me) that I checked myself into a hopsital, upon release I had to quit my stressful job which left me pennyless and I am now having to apply for SSI and SSDI. I went into the hospital to save my life and came out to no life at all. I am very self reliant so not being able to work (my doctor doesn't think it is safe to go back to work) and not being able to pay bills is really hard and my friends and family are not able to help me. The threat of homelessness has me very scared, I just don't know how to get through this.

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Original Starting Weight 303.2: 06/08/11

Post Surgery Starting Weight 279.2 (-24): 12/01/14

Pre-Surgery Weight 233 (-70.2):

Driver's License Weight 220 (-83.2):

"One-derland" Weight 199 (-104.2):

5K 42.01 (08/13/11)
10K 1:26:47 (09/11/11)
Half 3:08:53 (11/27/11)

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