Length doesn't matter. We are here for you and My heart and prayers are with you. Sometimes I just want to go back to bed when I think of my Marissa and Annabelle. In my heart I know the love they gave me and the love I gave in return. Your Beautiful Belle know that too. Our babies are playing together now, and they are not alone.
I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month. ~Harlan Miller
Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better. ~Emilie Coue
The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time. - Abraham Lincoln
Live your life from your heart. Share from your heart. And your story will touch and heal people's souls. -- Melody Beattie
I'm so sorry that you're missing Belle so strongly today. The sad reality is that it's never ever going to be the same. No other dog will be able to replace her in your heart. I do think that we can make room in our hearts for new pets in time though. I know I'm not in a place to add to our family right now, but I'm not opposed to the idea some day.
The vet tech actually gave me some of the best advice. What's funny is that she gave it to me with the intention of trying to help Phoenix cope with her grief at losing her fellow canine partner in crime, but I think it's helped me as much as it has helped her. What she told me was to change my routine, try something new, do different things... It's in the routine that I find I miss Tyler more. Now that I'm mixing things up (working out with the Couch 2 5K program, reading more, watching tv less, etc.) I find that I don't think about him as "missing" quite so often. Instead, a thought of him will sneak up on me, but it will be a happy memory rather than the pain of the loss that I still feel.
That's not to say that I don't have my days though. Like you, I can glance at his lock of hair and break down in tears, but I find that the happy memories we shared are coming more frequently than the sadness.
I don't think there is any set way to grieve. I think it's an organic experience that changes daily, weekly, monthly... We are just learning to go on in the face of loss.
My hope for you is that you can see the light on the dark days... Know that you will see Belle again some day, and in the meantime, try to be the best you that you can be!!! Make her proud!
current weight: 172.6
Fitness Minutes: (9,124) Posts: 368 6/7/09 5:44 P
Hi. I just thought I'd write in on how I'm feeling since today is just one of those days where I really miss my lab Belle. I go on my Sparkpage and I look at the pictures and some make me laugh but then others just bring me to tears. Right now my brother in VT has all the photos and is going to have them put on a DVD disc for us all. My dad and I were watching videos from the lake house a few years back and just watching her take a giant leap through the air to fetch her buoy made my eyes water up. I'm supposed to be going back up to the lake this weekend maybe and was up there a few weeks ago. It's so hard to look out the window and not see her sitting under her apple tree high on the hill looking down at the lake. There were times where I could vividly picture her there and it just made the place seem so empty and boring. I still can't bring myself to watch Marley and Me which I read the book of about 4 years ago and laughed and cried my eyes out. I also have movies like Far from Home Adventures of a Yellow Dog and All Dogs Go To Heaven and I can't watch them either. I'm sitting on my bed right now and my University Sweatshirt that I was wearing the night after Christmas as we drove to the vets is still on my bed and hasn't been washed. She took her last breath on it and I wore it for like 5 days straight after she died and still it just sits on my bed. Sounds a little crazy I guess. Our neighbor up the road had a chocolate lab but hers was a English pedigree lab and Belle was an American pedigree lab which is the slimmer kind. Anyway a few months ago she had to put her lab to sleep because the dog gained a lot of weight (English labs can get huge) and had diabetes and stuff and so that happened soon after Belle's death. The neighbor met us for a walk a few weeks ago and told us she was getting a yellow lab puppy in July. It was born May 8th. Belle's birthday was May 5th and we picked her up on July 5th. So she was saying how this puppy is darker yellow and not as light yellow or white as Belle and that it wouldn't really look like her. She wants us to come up and see it when she brings it home in July and we go for walks all the time so she'll probably have it out in the lawn a lot or take it for a walk on our rural road. I don't really know how I'm going to handle that. I mean I don't want to be one of those people who try to avoid dogs because that would be like avoiding a part of what brought me so much joy. I know it's way to soon to get another dog and I can't with all the other issues I'm dealing with but if I do it won't be a yellow lab. Belle will always be the only yellow lab in my life. I remember when we took a framed photo and some kind words in for the vet to hang up and he had two yellow lab puppy's in his office. They were tearing the place up sliding all along the floor and around corners, chasing each other and jumping over barriers. My eyes filled up with tears and I saw my parents eyes fill up too. This summer is just going to be so hard. Belle absolutely loved the lake and her tree on the hill. SHe loved the bonfires at night and the marshmallows and the cookouts and she loved the lake, boat rides, chasing and retrieving her buoy and taking walks in the evening. When we would leave her at the cabin to go somewhere she would lie on the bed which was level with a pair of windows and stare out at us with the most pitiful looking face. We would feel horrible. But I miss that too. I think a lot of this summer is going to be spent having that empty longing yearning feeling in the pit of our stomachs and chests. I think the memories are going to hurt even if they make us laugh a bit and I think the lake is going to be a bit silent without her running crazy on the docks barking her head off as one of us goes off wake boarding. She hated not being in the boat and most of the time she was but even then she would bark. I don't think she ever got the idea down that waterskiing and wake boarding were fun and not something she had to save us from. I'm just being flooded with memories and I still have days where I expect her to be downstairs in the morning or around the corner as I walk from the kitchen to the living room. I still expect her to be fast asleep somewhere and when I open the cookie box for her to be at my feet in seconds. I always wondered how she knew from a room away what I was getting - a cookie or a hand full of grapes. How did she know when it was worth getting up? That always puzzled me. I don't know why but some days the grief just comes pouring in and it just leaves me with a big sense of sadness and longing. Just needed to get my thoughts out. Thanks for reading all of this. I know I write long posts.
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