"when I say things like I have those pajamas too, she points out that they are not really the same because hers are a small and mine are a large."
Ouch...oooooooooooouch. I don't think you're being too sensitive at all! I agree with other people that this family member has insecurities that cause her to act this way. I don't think losing weight will make her nicer to you though--she'll probably bring it or another insecurity up even if you become a stringbean.
But you can still use her for motivation, because one day, you will have lost weight, but she will always be a jerk. Just know that you're a better, nicer person, and you don't deserve to have anyone treat you that way. Everyone has personal flaws, and just because yours involve cookies doesn't mean other people should feel invited to a public flogging. Because they're not invited.
I agree Kelly could use the negative comment to help her reach her goals but i kind of wonder why the husband even repeated the whole thing?? He could have put the woman in her place and never repeated such a hurtful thing. Obviously the woman is no friend to his wife. I agree jealousy is the motive and if Kelly ever has the chance she should say to her, i am sorry you are so unhappy and just walk away as was suggested in another post. In Al Anon I learned that if other people have a problem with you it is their problem, not yours if that helps any. With the help of everyone here may you be wearing shorts very soon!!
Edited by: CAPTAINMORGAN2 at: 12/27/2009 (02:00)
Pounds lost: 24.0
Fitness Minutes: (49,636) Posts: 2,983 12/20/09 7:43 A
I tend to refer to Michael Phelps -- he put the negative commentaries from sports writers in the back of his locker and used them to fuel training. 10 gold metals later (even with the other crap after the games)he turned their words and predictions into hamster cage lining!
Maybe you didn't always have those sized hips (except that your hips have always been yours) but has that person always had that insensitivity and meanness? You can get your hips back to balanced with effort -- but that person has to recognize a problem wo change it. and will have to swallow a ton more pride to get to the other side.
"Do or do not. There is no try" Yoda
New Year's Day 2012 "Do I look disgusting? - Hubby's answer: You look like you'be been exercising. There's nothing disgusting about exercising."
I like was NADS had to say along with everyone else comments. People who point out others like that in photographs are really quite pathetic. Your husband loves YOU for YOU and this relative really has some deep-seated insecurity issues. She obviously doesn't think she has anything to offer but her pants size. Your motivation is that YOU want to get healthier and fitter for yourself. Doing it to shut this person up will only frustrate you more. I understand the desire to want to prove her wrong, but she's ALREADY wrong. You are taking good care of yourself now and have a huge support system behind you all the way...so you've already won. She can't take that from you.
Pounds lost: 75.4
Fitness Minutes: (12,447) Posts: 574 12/18/09 5:30 P
lOOKS TO ME LIKE SHE'S INSECURE ABOUT HERSELF IN AREAS OTHER THAN HER WEIGHT. sHE MAY THINK YOUR PRETTIER, SMARTER, HAPPIER, MORE SUCESSFUL OR CREATIVE. SHE POINTS OUT THAT YOU WEIGH MORE OR WEAR LARGER SIZES TO HELP MAKE HER FEEL BETTER ABOUT HERSELF. NEXT TIME SHE MAKES A SIMILAR COMMENT SMILE INSIDE AND KNOW THAT SHE IS JELOUS OF YOU. YOU MAY EVEN SAY SOMETHING LIKE "I'M SORRY YOUR SO UNHAPPY" AND SMILE AND WALK AWAY AND LEAVE HER TO DWELL ON THAT.
Pounds lost: 42.1
Fitness Minutes: (165,336) Posts: 1,085 12/18/09 4:34 P
story of my life! I know that feeling the best revenge is feeling good about what I am doing on a daily basis eating right exercising and living right. If I feel positive about myself -- the comments don't dig as deep I can't do anything about other people's behavior but I can change mine best of holidays to you
I feel your pain. I understand your hurt from her comment. However, I think you should lose weight because YOU WANT to lose weight, not because someone else thinks you should. And really, I have only been successful at losing since I made the decision to do it for myself and myself only - not because someone else made me feel bad. Once you make that decision (and it sounds like you already have), it makes the battle much easier. Just keep in mind that you can't please all of the people all of the time - nor should you try. Hope that helps!
Last night my husband shared with me a negative comment a family member recently made about me to him. She pulled out old family photos from the time that I was about 13-14 years old. I was wearing shorts on the beach in the photos. Obviously I've aged, developed, grown taller, gained weight and changed in so many other ways since then. I haven't worn shorts in years either. But the comment she made was along the lines of "I thought you'd like to see pictures of Kelly in shorts. You know, she didn't always have those hips." She might as well have said, you know, she wasn't always this fat. Grr. I know that's what she meant because she makes a point of telling me my sister is only a size 6 now and when I say things like I have those pajamas too, she points out that they are not really the same because hers are a small and mine are a large. Maybe I'm being over-sensitive, but comments like that can be really hurtful. But there is a silver lining. I'm trying to use that as motivation to lose weight. Now I know I won't be eating cookies and indulging in sweets and second helpings at family gatherings. I certainly don't want to invite any more comments like that. Maybe by next year, the comments will be more positive and we'll look back on pictures from this year and see how far I've come in my journey.
SparkPeople, SparkCoach, SparkPages, SparkPoints, SparkDiet, SparkAmerica, SparkRecipes, DailySpark, and other marks are trademarks of SparkPeople, Inc. All Rights Reserved. No portion of this website can be used without the permission of SparkPeople or its authorized affiliates.
SPARKPEOPLE is a registered trademark of SparkPeople, Inc. in the United States, European Union, Canada, and Australia. All rights reserved.