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Posts: 56 6/10/09 1:28 A
Jenna - been there, done that, am there, doing that. I have 10, 7, & 3, a husband and a dog. I understand! Have you tried involving your kids in the household chores? 3 & 6 are perfect ages. They can pick up their dirty clothes and sort them, too. Just label a few baskets(different colored ones work great), give a few examples, and away they go. Setting the dinner table and cleaning up their dishes, wiping the table off, putting their things away - from shoes to toothbrushes, from toys to blankets - they know where these things go and are completely capable. The best thing I have learned from involving my kids in the chores is that everything does not have to be done perfectly. As long as I get help, I do not worry about how well it gets done. I just make sure that I get to do the chore once in a while!
When I was working I would use a crock pot or slow cooker for allot of my meals, or the timer on the oven. There are tons of recipes out there for these. Cooking in large quantities and freezing meals works great, too. On weekends especially, I cooked big! When cleaning up the meals, I would portion out my meals to take to work, put them in containers, and pop them in the freezer. When it came to leaving for work, I could just grab a container and not have to worry about figuring out everything when I was the most frazzled. My hubby could use these as well and I didn't have to worry about making sure there was enough in the house for him to take to work, too.
Most importantly - take time for you. You can't help anyone else if your batteries are dead. Take 10-20 minutes every evening to do something you like - read, crossword puzzles, soak in a bath - whatever. Leave the dishes and the toys, they will still be there tomorrow. Schedule it on your calendar if you need. Just be sure to take time for you.
P.S. Get a baby sitter and go on a date. It doesn't even have to cost much, or anything! Focus on each other. Your relationship with your hubby is the next most important thing on your list. When your relationship is in good shape, working as a team with the kids is much, much easier.
BLC 23 Superhero is: The General Torch Your Superpower: Symbiosis Your Weakness: Men Your Weapon; Foam Rusty Your Mode of Transportation: Cow
Pounds lost: 10.6
Fitness Minutes: (3,441) Posts: 124 6/5/09 9:02 A
i am doing much better. my weight may not be going down as much as i would like for it to be, but i am slowly getting more energy and becoming happier. i am wearing a pedometer every day and logging my steps. i am also becoming more assertive and have signed up for a hip-hop class for moms. i had my first class this past wednesday night (two days ago) and i am still in pain, but i feel great!!!! thank you for all of the support and encouraging words!
current weight: 186.4
Posts: 76 6/5/09 12:59 A
Don't be so hard on yourself, we all at one point have been there. Maybe you hit a point where you need to do some changes. Maybe increase repetitions on some exercises, take longer walks. Change your eating, measure your portions.
Don't give up, you'll be fine.
Posts: 1 5/27/09 1:12 P
Hang in there. I feel your pain. Only been a sparks for 3 weeks. Have exercised and watched it. Lost 2 pounds. Ugh!!
Fitness Minutes: (3,441) Posts: 124 5/26/09 1:57 P
thank you so much to everyone for the wonderful words of support and encouragement. i am feeling better, i took some action of my own, went grocery shopping and got some items to help me along and not just my hubby. we haven't had a real heart to heart yet, but it will be coming soon. i feel so much better just knowing that i have the love and support of my fellow spark friends to help my get over what ever obstacle comes along. thank you all again
current weight: 186.4
Fitness Minutes: (100,465) Posts: 5,317 5/25/09 12:12 P
If I don't loose more than one pound this week. I am tossing the scales out the window. Taking the siccors to my resistance band and poking a hole in my work out ball. ROFL
P@ulette in Michigan
Work hard and become a leader; be lazy and never succeed. (Proverbs 12:24)
Pounds lost: 9.4
Fitness Minutes: (62,579) Posts: 1,811 5/24/09 10:34 P
Babysteps! I wish this website/philosophy had been around when I was in your position, but it's never too late. I am using all the principles in my retirement to get my life back in balance. Please give it a try. Wonderful ideas, step by step, life, weight, families, friends, finance, etc. All are covered in wonderful detail.And wonderful ways of getting the family involved and very creative ways to keep your kids busy and organized.
This is the spark team: http://www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_individual.asp?gid=2282
This is her website: flylady.net
Linda North Myrtle Beach, SC BLC 21,22 - Silver Spy BLC 20 - Off for travel. BLC 18,19-Silver Spy BLC 17 - Off - new grandma BLC 14,15,16 Silver Spy BLC 13 Periwinkle Pirate BLC 12 C.A.M.O. Crew BLC 11 Periwinkle Pirates
"We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing." - George Bernard Shaw
Pounds lost: 3.2
Fitness Minutes: (100,465) Posts: 5,317 5/24/09 12:30 P
Fitness Minutes: (31,036) Posts: 2,897 5/24/09 10:20 A
Jean Illsley Clark is a specialist in self-esteem and family self-esteem. Her keynote speech at a Music Therapy conference was focused around the idea: if you give to yourself, you can give to others without being depleted. Rearrange the priorities by realizing that the time you take to give to yourself helps keep you in the game of giving to others. Finding the balance may start with finding your balance.
bon chance! enjoy the effort!
"Do or do not. There is no try" Yoda
New Year's Day 2012 "Do I look disgusting? - Hubby's answer: You look like you'be been exercising. There's nothing disgusting about exercising."
current weight: 164.5
Posts: 843 5/23/09 9:23 P
I have so been there....Actually I'm still there some days. I have a very understanding bf who tries very hard but he's a guy and sometimes that need to be....I don't know....macho or cool or something gets in the way, or he just gets overwhelmed with his own stuff....and I have another melt down. I had one yesterday actually because plans were made that included me and I was only told about them at the last minute.
My suggestions are these: 1. Have a serious talk with yourself about your priorities. Sometimes you're going to have to say "I don't care." or "No" and take some time for yourself. 2. Have a talk with your husband. Being male he's fragile so try starting from a sympathetic place. It sounds like he works hard and he's tired. Okay, got that, but you have two small children at home, you work too and you can't do it all by yourself. He needs to help out sometimes so you can do something for yourself once in awhile whether that's a bubble bath, a bike ride, or a nap.
Hang in there!! One day at a time, one hour at a time, and sometimes one minute at a time!!
It's hard to beat a person who never gives up. -- Babe Ruth
current weight: 165.0
Fitness Minutes: (41,376) Posts: 775 5/22/09 7:22 A
SP and weight loss are a journey towards health. Discouragement is a feeling the antidote is ACTION! The first action you took was to ask for help none of us would be on SP if we didn't need help the next is to have a plan for today you may not do it perfectly but something that you commit to is better than winging it . best of luck I hope this helps
Posts: 5,082 5/21/09 11:24 P
I hope things are going better for you today. It can be a struggle to maintain healthy eating and exercise habits. If it was easy... or if money could buy a solution... believe me Oprah would be skinny! I FORCE myself to do certain things that help me get back on track. Number 1 is going to the grocery store and making sure I have the proper foods on hand. Then I eat a healthy meal at the correct time ~ even if I'm not especially hungry. It is important for me to be on a schedule. Hope these tips are helpful. Best wishes to you. Rhonda
Rhonda Seaside, Oregon
Remember... Eat healthy.. Exercise daily.. repeat! and Consistency.. that is the secret!
Pounds lost: 74.4
Fitness Minutes: (63,230) Posts: 5,343 5/21/09 11:16 P
I don't know what your faith/spiritual life is like, but you need to pray and ask God for help in doing the things you can do. Give Him the other problems and people to take care of. It sounds like your sister's wedding is over, so that is one down. Ask for wisdom on how to help your friend deal with her problems.
It seems as if you need to have a talk with your husband. Help him to understand that it is important that he helps out with the kids. It is also an opportunity for him spend time with them. They won't be little for long and he will have missed out on a crucial time in their lives. He might not think so now, but one day he will. Plus, he should want to help support you in your goals, as I'm sure you would help him.
I pray that you will find the right balance. You have been given a lot of good advice from the SparkFamily. Most important learn to say 'No'. The world will not end because you said it. And there is always tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the next!:)
Blessings to you.
Tina - NJ, Eastern
Cloverleaf Team Leader ~ Cloverleaf 2013 Fall 5% Challenge
current weight: 183.0
Fitness Minutes: (2,903) Posts: 710 5/21/09 11:14 P
Make a priority list. First things that are most important that they get done and so on down the line. (May need to make separate ones for home and work) Sit down with your husband or co-workers and figure out what others can do on your lists.
Make sure you put exercise and eating right on those lists. Then the things on the bottom of the list may have to go for awhile until you have more time, but make sure they aren't your exercise or eating healthy. (My bottom is vacuuming and cleaning windows, but I will have to vacuum soon, because the dogs just started to shed their winter coats).
current weight: 175.0
Fitness Minutes: (61,101) Posts: 4,573 5/21/09 10:34 P
I'm right there with you...but most of the posts are correct. I just have to remember all those thing:-) Hope your week is going better:-)
´¨) ¸.´¸.*´¨) ¸.*¨) (¸.´ (¸.´ Paula ~ Fort Lauderdale, FL ¸.´¸.*´¨) ¸.*¨) (¸.´ (¸.´ *
current weight: 164.2
Posts: 585 5/21/09 10:25 P
everyone hits a bump in the road - it just makes you human. Try to think and write down why you are stalling - then go back over it in a few days. You are doing great! Keep up the good work!
current weight: 214.0
Posts: 463 5/21/09 9:25 P
Sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is a train......so don't sweat it! Hang in there! We all have days/weeks/months like that! I have found that when I get down in the dumps, I have learned to turn the TV off and turn the radio on. Listening to upbeat music helps me b/c I'm a very musical person (I prefer loud hard rock, but.....to each their own). Just remember, you have a TON of people on SP rooting for you!!!
"You have a choice. You can throw in the towel, or you can use it to wipe the sweat off of your face."
current weight: 237.0
Fitness Minutes: (46,637) Posts: 228 5/21/09 6:06 P
Hi Jenna ,
There are so many good ideas here from your SP friends. I hope you'll be able to use them -- a minute at a time if need be.
I used to be a lot like you: feeling like I always had to take care of everyone else, leaving me and my health and other needs in the dust. I've improved over the years but had to learn about and practice assertiveness skills.
For the long term, you might want to research some help with assertiveness skills. Try an SP or an Amazon book search and read up and buy or take out books from your local library. It is also possible that your local community college might offer an adult ed class on assertiveness skills.
Then practice, and use your skills when the need arises. Be prepared for people to be surprised that you're saying no. It's okay if they are not always pleased. With time, they'll get used to it. After all, do you expect people in your life to always be saying yes to you? Why do you expect that of yourself?
The ability to say no is a healthy skill and that doesn't mean you will be telling everybody no all the time. It just means you'll be better equipped to set healthy boundaries and take better care of yourself.
I sincerely wish you luck as you work on this issue and renew your motivation. Please keep us updated on how you're doing and let us know if you need more support.
"Plant seeds of expectation in your mind; cultivate thoughts that anticipate achievement. Believe in yourself as being capable of overcoming all obstacles and weaknesses." -- Norman Vincent Peale
Pounds lost: 0.0
Posts: 2,750 5/21/09 4:13 P
Hang in there! The fact that you are asking for help tells me that you do not want to continue to lose ground!!
You can do this!!
Posts: 16 5/21/09 4:05 P
take a breather! seriously, when you feel the stress, close your eyes & just take a few deep breaths to regroup & at least feel a little peace.
Trying to do it all is so exhausting; so many of us try & try to do it, don't we? You have such a big heart to try & take care of everyone else, but you can't take good care of everyone else until you first take care of yourself! it's hard for any of us to know exactly what you're faced with each day, but I can tell you what's helped me recently is focusing on ONE choice/decision at a time whether it's choosing what snack/meal food, whether I will get out of bed a few minutes early to squeeze in a bootcamp video or whether I can take on another family/school activity, etc. Decide/list what your priorities are- taking care of yourself should be way up there! Everyone you take care of after that will benefit from you taking care of you first.
You can do it; you're so worth it!
current weight: 146.0
Posts: 11 5/21/09 3:59 P
Wow, you sound alot like me. I work full time, have a family that I'm happy but exhausted to be taking care of and a vast aray of friends and extended family that keep me busy as well. When I realized that I was losing myself in the mix I decided I needed to get back to what used to be time for me...my excercise. What I hadn't realized is that this was always the first thing to go when the demands of others would take over. I decided what I need is just as important as what everyone else needs from me. To top it off I'm alot nicer doing things for others if I've been doing things for myself as well. Last night for example. I came home after running my step-daughter around to appointments for 3 hours and informed my honey that they would be making dinner, I was going for a bike ride and would be back in 30 minutes. I left no room for argument and when I came home dinner was in progress, they had some daddy daughter time and we ate some mostly edible food. It's so hard to find the balance and trust me I'm still working on it too.
Pounds lost: 9.0
Posts: 53,177 5/21/09 3:53 P
Watch your eating and drink plenty of water. Are you exercising? Without knowing what is happening, it is hard to help.
Marty Eastern Standard time Massachusetts
Spark People Motivator
There are two options regarding committment - your either IN or your OUT. There is no such thing as life in-between.
A person who wants something will find a way.. A person who doesn't will find an excuse...
Pounds lost: 28.2
Posts: 21 5/21/09 3:45 P
I had this same problem before and I ended up with a severe injury that I will have the rest of my life, a nerve problem from my hand up to my neck, from doing to much repetitive work. So I decided I didn't care that the house was dirty, if my husband complained he could help clean it. I also started to say NO more and delegate at work if possible, but then I was taken off work for my injury and I haven't worked since 2005. When your boss is gone do you really need to do all their work? Pick and choose what you do with that. Hope things work out for you.
current weight: 265.0
Fitness Minutes: (1,944) Posts: 374 5/21/09 3:40 P
I also struggle a lot,but I try to remember why I want to do this and how far I have come. I also try to remember this " A stumble may prevent a fall". sometimes we have to keep picking ourselves up.
current weight: 235.5
Posts: 12 5/21/09 3:32 P
Well my first thought is to tell you that you need to honor & respect yourself as much as you do others. You sound like a person who wants to please and that's fabulous to want to help others so much but if you're compromising your own time & energy, then you're not giving yourself the same respect. You need to find that way to say no to people or at least "not now..I have something going on" and then focus on yourself whether it be your next meal or workout plan or just taking 10 min to read a book, snooze...whatever. Doing so much for others is not going to help you in the long run because you'll look healthy on the outside but will be worn ragged inside. You're doing excellent w/your progress and the others will just have to sit back & wait a minute while you tend to yourself. :)
current weight: 158.0
Fitness Minutes: (2,170) Posts: 102 5/21/09 3:18 P
Wow! You have really come a LONG way so far. Just make sure that you take some time for yourself even if life is really hectic right now. Make YOU a priority!
Pounds lost: 0.0
Fitness Minutes: (5,366) Posts: 223 5/21/09 3:18 P
you have to use these words wisely but i have found that since i have developed my new mantra, things are easier.
"i don't care"
when used in the proper places - i works wonders. i promise. plus, it makes it so much easier to say that other word...
Pounds lost: 0.0
Fitness Minutes: (3,441) Posts: 124 5/21/09 3:12 P
okay, so here goes. the biggest issue that i have is balancing work, family life, friends life, sibling/mother family life and trying to find the time for me. i have this problem saying no and taking on more than i can handle and having a husband who thinks that he works harder than i do sometimes does not help. i am trying to be everything for everyone and loosing myself along the way. i was doing great for a while then my sister's wedding came along and i did a lot for it with very little help, my friend is having a hard time and i am helping with that, my boss is sick and i am picking up the slack and my house is a mess and my husband is sleeping in the chair while my daughters (3&6) and not getting dinner/baths/to bed on time. there is my rant/rave
current weight: 186.4
Posts: 50 5/21/09 3:01 P
Everyone here is totally right. Baby steps get you there. Another thing I do is try to distract myself from thoughts of food or exercise--clean out your closet or sort out the piles of paperwork that build up, rearrange the furniture or try to knit or sew something. Something practical like that often makes me forget about food (and I never forget about food!).
current weight: 182.0
Fitness Minutes: (7,559) Posts: 35 5/21/09 2:54 P
Everyone here is right. You have to take it one day at a time. When I'm stressed and want to give up and have a eating spree, I usually lean my head on the refrigerator and pray to God to give me the strength to walk away. Somehow I find it. I then head out the door for a 10 minute stroll. It helps to be outside appreciating nature and it's gifts. I hope that you find your inner peace to continue on your weight loss journey. Read about Coach Dean here on Spark people, his journey is inspirational and very motivational.
losing 10 lbs at a time.
Pounds lost: 0.0
Fitness Minutes: (55,850) Posts: 12,785 5/21/09 2:41 P
Jenna, I am right there with you. I am struggling with making healthy choices right now, but I am trying to preplan my meals. I find that is easier than just going with the flow.
Also, if you do a search for "healthy habit booster" there is a chart you can print out and list your own healthy habits and your reward. It is two weeks at a time. Maybe that will help you. It has helped me. Right now my healthy habits include staying within my calorie range 6 of 7 days and working on my abs for at least 15 minutes 3 days a week.
For me right now it doesn't help that I've done something to my ankle making it difficult to exercise so I am trying to take it easy and work through it.
I wish you the best of luck. I hope you will come back and post the answer to the questions asked by others so we can give you more specific support!
Barbara (Pacific Time)
A&I December BSG Shimmering Snowflakes
current weight: 154.1
Fitness Minutes: (13,085) Posts: 881 5/21/09 2:37 P
You *** CAN *** do it. I use that in huddles for a reason. You really can. It's not a light switch though. It's more like a dimmer. Slowly growing brighter as you make small gradual changes.
Dont try to go from 0 to 60 overnight. It wont last and you'll feel hopeless. Permanent gradual changes are the goal.
Breathe. Dont forget to breathe. Each breath you take when you start to spiral can be a focusing moment. You'd be amazed at how often people hold their breath when they get flustered.
This is not a race. This is a lifestyle. You need the change, you want the change, make it happen for yourself. Just dont expect it to be all at once.
There are no steps backwards unless you stop and actually turn around. Every time you make that little push to step a little further forward is a Victory! Sometimes the slope is slippery, you may slide, but keep focused and you'll be amazed at how far you can go.
Make sure to dig in and follow the process. Trust in it. You can and will succeed if you give yourself some credit for moving forward.
current weight: 222.0
Posts: 1,910 5/21/09 2:34 P
Looking at your weight loss ticker, it looks like you've been doing a great job so far. You've come so far!! And you only need to lose four pounds to reach your halfway mark. Think about how great it will feel to get there. Think about how things have improved for you since losing so much weight so far. What got you started in the first place? What are you hoping to achieve? Review your goals, or make new ones that will motivate you.
You ARE strong! Look at what you've done. You can do this!!
This is my one shot at life. I will not give up on myself.
I am a Tough Mudder! (Wisconsin, September 2012)
current weight: 232.4
Posts: 847 5/21/09 2:31 P
Just remain calm. Maybe you need to try slowing down and focusing on small changes. Don't beat yourself up when you make mistakes and celebrate small accomplishments. One day at a time.
With God, Nothing is impossible!
current weight: 198.0
Fitness Minutes: (2,903) Posts: 710 5/21/09 2:31 P
Would love to help. . . need a little more info about what is going on though. Having trouble with eating, exercise, what motivates you? Is there a reason you want to lose weight?
I have my swim suit hanging in my room every morning I look at that and remember what I am working for. I have a family that will jump off the moment I quit (if not before), so I am not giving them the excuse.
current weight: 175.0
Fitness Minutes: (41,558) Posts: 6,012 5/21/09 2:30 P
What are you having trouble with? Eating? Exercising? Both? Like Bekka said, one day at a time! Even one hour at a time!!! One little decision at a time will help! Go for a 5-10 minute walk. Drink a bottle of water. Write a blog or journal getting everything out and off your chest. We are all here for you. Just take a minute and breate!!!
Live, Love, Laugh, Go to Disney World!!!
"The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing."~~~ Walt Disney
"Most barriers are man-made. And most often, you're the man that made them." ~Frank Tyger
"Life is like a coin; you can spend it any way you want, but you can only spend it once!" My little brother, Jason Southwick, 10/04/1984~2/25/2006
current weight: 235.0
Posts: 352 5/21/09 2:28 P
Even more than a day at a time, take one meal at a time. Take one hour at a time. If you can commit to 5 minutes of walking and hour or 10 minutes of walking between meals that is something.
You're stronger than you think!!!!!! Hang in there.
God gives you two hands, one to help yourself and one to help others.
Posts: 1,091 5/21/09 2:27 P
What is getting in the way??
Phil. 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
"That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do. Not that the nature of the thing itself has changed but our power to do it is increased." - Ralph Waldo Emerson 1803-1882, U.S. poet and essayist
current weight: 146.0
Posts: 66 5/21/09 2:26 P
Seriously, just take it a day at a time. Do what you can do.
Are you talking about the motivation to exercise? I take my dog on 4.75 mile walks each morning. She is a much more laid back dog because I get her to spend her energy in the morning. That's motivation right here :)
Like I said, just take it a day at a time. You can do it!!!!
current weight: 171.5
Fitness Minutes: (3,441) Posts: 124 5/21/09 2:22 P
i am on a downward spiral and can not see the light at the end of the tunnel. i need help and motivation to get me back on track
current weight: 186.4
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