|Author:||Sorting Last Post on Top ↓ Message:||
I'm pretty sure my Love Dress needs ironing too.
Ok found another one enjoy:
THE LOVE DRESS!!
A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house.
She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-n-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing and the aroma of perfume filled the room. "What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-n-law answered.
"But you're naked!" the mother-n-law exclaimed.
"This is my LOVE dress," the daughter-n-law explained.
"LOVE dress? But you're naked!"
"My husband LOVES me to wear this dress," she explained.
"It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me."
The mother-n-law left. When she got home, she undressed,
showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.
Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my LOVE dress," she whispered, sensually.
"Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?"
I found this on one of my other sites. I had to share this with you fine people. I hope you really enjoy this:
Sent: 11/20/2006 7:21 PM
"Our Father, Who does art in heaven,
Harold is His name.
A little boy was overheard praying:
"Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.
I'm having a real good time like I am."
After the christening of his baby brother in church,
Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied,
"That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home,
and I wanted to stay with you guys."
I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin,
the Lord's Prayer for several evenings at bedtime.
She would repeat after me the lines from the prayer.
Finally, she decided to go solo.
I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word,
right up to the end of the prayer:
"Lead us not into temptation," she prayed,
"but deliver us from E-mail.
One particular four-year-old prayed,
"And forgive us our trash baskets
as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.."
A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they
were on the way to church service,
"And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One bright little girl replied,
"Because people are sleeping."
Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old
brother, Joel, were sitting together in church.
Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud.
Finally, his big sister had had enough.
"You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."
"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said,
"See those two men standing by the door?
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons,Kevin 5, and Ryan 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
"If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
"Ryan, you be Jesus!"
A father was at the beach with his children
when the four-year-old son ran up to him,
grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore
where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.
"He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said,
"Did God throw him back down?"
A wife invited some people to dinner.
At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,
"Would you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said,
"Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
I laughed my butt off!! OOPS, sorry, I just checked and it's still there.
that was great i still can't stop laughing.
dreams come true when you work to get there.
life is not measured by how many breaths we take but by how many moments take our breath away.
Thought you would all enjoy this:
SANTA IS A WOMAN
I think Santa Claus is a woman. I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I really believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing, social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off.
For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. By this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman.
Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag, with the price tag firmly affixed to the bottom and the receipt stapled to the bag.
Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer, because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh, amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.
Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up ther in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.
Men can't pack a bag.
Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
Men would feel their masculinity is threatened.....having to be seen with all those elves.
Men don't answer their mail!!
Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling a 'bowl of jelly'.
Men are not interested in stockings unless somebody shapely is wearing them.
Having to do the HO HO HO thing all the time would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
Finally being responsible for Christmas would require a COMMITMENT.
I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men:
Father Time - shows up once a year, unshaven, and looking ominous, definitely a guy
Cupid - flies around carrying weapons
Uncle Sam - is a politician who likes to point fingers.
The Easter Bunny - takes a perfectly good basket full of eggs, and empties it willy-nilly all over the house and yard, no concern about who'll pick them up.
Yep, that is a male.
Leprechauns?? Come on, the number one attraction for St. Patrick's Day is green beer.