A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-n-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing and the aroma of perfume filled the room. "What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-n-law answered.
"But you're naked!" the mother-n-law exclaimed.
"This is my LOVE dress," the daughter-n-law explained.
"LOVE dress? But you're naked!"
"My husband LOVES me to wear this dress," she explained.
"It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me."
The mother-n-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.
Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my LOVE dress," she whispered, sensually.
I think Santa Claus is a woman. I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I really believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing, social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off. For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. By this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag, with the price tag firmly affixed to the bottom and the receipt stapled to the bag. Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer, because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh, amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist. Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up ther in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.
Other reasons: Men can't pack a bag. Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet. Men would feel their masculinity is threatened.....having to be seen with all those elves. Men don't answer their mail!! Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling a 'bowl of jelly'. Men are not interested in stockings unless somebody shapely is wearing them. Having to do the HO HO HO thing all the time would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women. Finally being responsible for Christmas would require a COMMITMENT.
I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men: Father Time - shows up once a year, unshaven, and looking ominous, definitely a guy Cupid - flies around carrying weapons Uncle Sam - is a politician who likes to point fingers. The Easter Bunny - takes a perfectly good basket full of eggs, and empties it willy-nilly all over the house and yard, no concern about who'll pick them up. Yep, that is a male. Leprechauns?? Come on, the number one attraction for St. Patrick's Day is green beer.
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