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TAYGRL's Photo TAYGRL SparkPoints: (79,439)
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5/9/10 11:58 A

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frankly, i've witnessed this type of behavior more frequently than i think i expected to with the grad students i work with in university housing. alls i can say is "WOW"... emoticon

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I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see. -- John Burroughs, essayist and naturalist

Don't postpone joy until you have learned all of your lessons. Joy is your lesson. -- Alan Cohen, American businessman

What I lack in decorum, I make up for with an absence of tact. --Don Williams, Jr., American novelist and poet


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MBSHAZZER's Photo MBSHAZZER Posts: 18,481
5/6/10 10:09 P

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BF emailed and asked if they were trying to get their own reality show. Hehe. Good thing he's not that good friends with them!

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts" - Winston Churchill

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LORENVER's Photo LORENVER Posts: 5,275
5/6/10 8:28 P

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That's great. My DH and I just had a similar problem. A duo of friends from college announced they are pregnant, two months after he lost his job. No planned BC failed. She works part time at the library and they are selling the house due to finances. He is really sensitive so we could only say "wow" and "uh." Your answer was so much better! I did make them a cake. I like making cakes and I feel kinda sorry for them. Luckily our not wanting kids comments has gotten us off the God Parent list. YAH!

LV

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STARSFORME's Photo STARSFORME Posts: 817
5/6/10 4:36 P

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Perfect!

♡ “If you propose to speak, always ask yourself, is it true, is it necessary, is it kind.” Buddha ♡
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MBSHAZZER's Photo MBSHAZZER Posts: 18,481
5/6/10 4:23 P

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I wrote, "You must be thrilled! Wishing you all the best".

I thought that was pretty neutral.

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts" - Winston Churchill

2012 Running Mileage: 2,065


STARSFORME's Photo STARSFORME Posts: 817
5/6/10 4:21 P

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Sometimes we just have to bite our tongues. If she is happy then you should be happy for her as her friend. Maybe there is an underlying reason you can't be happy for. I know it's irritating when people "brag" about things we don't find brag-worthy, but there's no reason to make that fact known.

I like the "You must be thrilled" response. You don't have to congratulate her if you only want to, but at least acknowledge how she feels.

♡ “If you propose to speak, always ask yourself, is it true, is it necessary, is it kind.” Buddha ♡
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NOTBLUSHING's Photo NOTBLUSHING Posts: 19,442
5/6/10 3:25 P

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DO NOT take your concubines suggestion. It would be rude. And pointless, since you already know it happened by mistake.
You'd best conceal your feelings if this is a friend (you really don't have a lot in common with this friend!). Bite your tongue. I wouldn't go so far as to offer condolences, but neither would I congratulate them. I'd probably just say something like "Wow. I can't even imagine it" or perhaps even "Better you than me" or something similarly vague.
Good luck.

EVERYONE knows EXACTLY what they NEED to do to be fit, healthy, and slim.
The problem is, nobody does it.


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MBSHAZZER's Photo MBSHAZZER Posts: 18,481
5/6/10 3:19 P

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Great ideas! Thanks, folks! I'm trying not to be "judgey", but come ON! It's 2010 and we're all in our late 30's. It's not like we don't know about birth control.

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts" - Winston Churchill

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PRINCESSANG0131's Photo PRINCESSANG0131 SparkPoints: (43,184)
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5/6/10 2:45 P

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How about...

"You must be thrilled. When did you decide to have another?"

There's no congrats in there but it doesn't show your disapproval either. Hopefully the last question will get her to open up about it.

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BOSTOWYO's Photo BOSTOWYO SparkPoints: (9,044)
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5/6/10 2:43 P

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I think it would be appropriate to tell her that you hope everything goes well - smooth pregnancy, healthy baby - because I'm sure you do wish her those things. You can wish her well without congratulating or condoning her behavior - especially if it seems this was unplanned and maybe unwanted.

I had a similar situation with friends who reported that they were pregnant again accidentally. I thought to myself - do they still not know where babies come from?!?

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SVGRAHAM Posts: 2
5/6/10 2:43 P

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Hi Shazzer,

Just read your posting, although you might not think that having another baby is the best thing for your friend, I dont think why so many would be a good idea. If I was you i would just say congrats and keep your other thoughts private.

Hope that helps
Shazz

MBSHAZZER's Photo MBSHAZZER Posts: 18,481
5/6/10 2:34 P

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I have a group of 6 college friends that I keep in close touch with (15 years post-graduation). I live in FL and the rest live in NY/NJ and Boston, so I don't see tham all that much.

Only one out of the group has kids - well 2 considering they are married to each other. On Monday, she sent an e-mail to the group saying that around Thanksgiving she and her hubby will be having baby number FOUR! The way she worded her e-mail made it clear that this baby was unplanned.

It does not seem like anyone has replied to her yet, unless they didn't hit "reply all". Frankly, I'm grossed out. Four children is environmentally and financially irresponsible - especially for them, as she has said many times the only way they are making it is because they live rent free in the other side of her parents' 2-family house.

BF suggested I email saying, "Congratulations. Just curious, why so many?". I'm not happy for her and I don't know if I can even say congratulations.

Any suggestions for a response? I feel kind of bad that I have not responded to her mail.

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts" - Winston Churchill

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