I am new to the group. Last Sunday I tried to out myself by overdosing on all my meds. has been a very difficult week for me. just in between how I feel and the things that led up to me doing that. hard to imagine what could have happened.
still reeling from the fall out of major fighting Sunday night. nursing my wounds. nursing my battered psyche. just so hard holding it together right now. just cry all day at work. don't want to go home. get home and just want to sleep. need to be packing. trying to sleep. then i can't sleep, but the rm is now home and i don't want him to know i am awake. just going in circles.
I live out in the country-away from everything-so long drives are not a problem for me. They do tend to hive me a chance for quiet time to think and work out problems. I'll keep thinking about you and praying that you feel better.
I am having ups and downs. Driving my self nuttier.
Another bout of depression doesn't necessarily mean the meds have stopped working -- could just be the depression overloads the meds. Happens to me a lot. I flip the other direction and then I am manic. I've learned this is still better than no meds at all. Just have to adapt and learn coping skills to deal with the times the meds are overwhelmed.
I hear you about being broke! Only thing I splurge on is Starbucks and gas for long drives. I love driving and have a nice route that can take an hour or more through pretty scenery.
It's great that you have such a supportive friend, R! Are you still doing okay?
How is everyone else doing? I'm-here. I'm going through another episode of depression again, which is really annoying. I'm hoping that this does not mean that my medication has stopped working. I really need to go out and be around people more, but a lack of money tends to prevent me from doing that. My mom was here earlier this week, and we had a nice visit for the most part. She is so critical of my appearance. She doesn't like the way that I dress and thinks I need to lose weight. That's a sore issue with me considering how self-conscious I am about my weight. Otherwise, I did enjoy having my niece and nephew here (for the most part). I will never know how little ones have so much energy. If I had that much energy I could get so much done every day. Oh, well!
Usually side-effects like that go away after a while.
I am doing better. I went home and the rm was asleep. My friend, Ed, texted me to ask how I was doing -- he knew about the rm's text. I ended up texting back and forth with for about two hours. We talked about the rm problems. I finally told him I appreciated he never commented on my scars. He said he knew what they were from and they are what they are... doesn't mean I am a horrible person. I just hurt myself when I hurt. I cried. I told him what I'd done earlier and he told me everything that was wonderful about me and told me jokes until I cheered up. He even teased me that the location of my scars looked like "love scratches". I couldn't believe I actually laughed about my scars for the first time.
I feel very blessed to have someone who cares that much about me. He's one of my best friends.
I don't beat myself up about it. Be kind to yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Try to find the trigger and see what can be done about it. Is it something you can fix? Is it a relationship that needs to be talked about? Is it something that you can avoid?
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