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BECKTY's Photo BECKTY SparkPoints: (3,757)
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8/8/11 3:16 P

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I think you are right, about the "A word"!



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ACCDNTLATHLETE's Photo ACCDNTLATHLETE Posts: 281
8/8/11 2:27 P

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aint' that the truth!

and your right, the anger stuff is no fun at all!

Happiness is a Choice!

Failure is NOT an option!


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WINDSTAR3's Photo WINDSTAR3 SparkPoints: (18,666)
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8/8/11 2:27 P

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One thing I have learned in this journey is that I HAD to go back to the old family stuff, if only to pick through it, pick out the good and throw away the bad. Once I did that, I found it much easier to stay AF. In fact, a few months ago I was really worried about going through a bunch of boxes from the attic that were filled with things from my childhood and early marriage. However, even though I called out for support and had people waiting in the wings to help me emotionally, I found that there just wasn't much there, it was just stuff, and I was able to get rid of a lot of it. I had been holding on to this stuff for 30 years, and it finally went away, and I wasn't wrecked about it. I bless the day I found this group, because you guys have helped me make it. I have said the "a" word about myself, (alcoholic), but am not sure that is what it is...I think maybe it was all in my head, and now that I have been dealing with that, the other stuff is working itself out too.

You guys are doing great, keep it up, and whether you trip or fly, keep letting us know how it is going.

~Lori

Limits exist only in the minds of those who do not dream.~ paraphrased quote from Philippe Petit, high wire artist


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BECKTY's Photo BECKTY SparkPoints: (3,757)
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8/8/11 2:15 P

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Thank you so so much for sharing. It's so helpful to see others successfully get themselves in check. I am not looking forward to learning what drives my anger. It's so nasty, digging down into yourself like that. But I've kept it down for several years now with my drinking so it's time to let it go, whatever "it" is. I have suspicions, but I really don't want to go back to old family stuff. Ugh.

Sorry you feel crummy today. It's usually a pretty good motivator though, huh?

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ACCDNTLATHLETE's Photo ACCDNTLATHLETE Posts: 281
8/8/11 1:55 P

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Hi BecktyĖ

I just wanted to also pipe in here and tell you, you are not alone. I recently made the decision to stop drinking, bought some anger management stuff and some books on alcoholic behavior and dependency. I started using them and discovered some stuff about myself that I don't like. This started for me after a particularly bad evening of drinking and fighting with my husband, I was the one fighting he just put up with my ***hole attitude. The next day I wrote in this forum "I need help", to get help from others here. I made the decision to quit and did for over 25 days. In the last couple of weeks I have had a drink or two, but yesterday went completely off the wagon so to speak and drank a six pack. Totally woke up this a.m. feeling like crap, mentally and physically, so I am back on a AF period. I have a race coming up the first week of September so I will be AF until after it at the least.

I too didn't used to drink although for me it was a lot longer ago than 8 years, but I do remember the feeling of ease well. And over the few weeks I stopped I really felt great, my attitude was better, I was happy and I got used to going out and drinking club soda or just a diet coke with out any problems. I am looking forward to it again.

You can do this.

Happiness is a Choice!

Failure is NOT an option!


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BECKTY's Photo BECKTY SparkPoints: (3,757)
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8/8/11 10:40 A

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Thank you all so much! The feedback here is awesome!
I also called my sister today, and finally asked for some accountability. So, Iíll have her as well. She's agreed to just ask me, via phone or text, if I am AF. My ultimate goal is to drink occasionally, when the situation calls for it, and moderately. I feel like I need the next couple of weeks to get back to myself and get it out of my daily life. Iíve tried before. But without accountability and support, itís nearly impossible. (particularly when my husband drinks equally as much. I am hoping heíll hop on my healthier wagon too though)
I really like the idea of sparkling mineral water, particularly for the camping trip this weekend. And I think Iíll splurge on some Starbucks VIA, which Iíve heard is pretty good. I love to sip coffee. So, I guess around the campfire, a coffee instead of beer will have to do. Hey, itís how I used to live! Until 8 years ago, I was totally a non drinker. I would love to go back there, and remember how it was easy to do things w/out worrying about drinks. It was a non-issue.
I didnít tell my husband yet that I am doing this. We had a TREMENDOUS fight the other night, which I was almost entirely my fault (drinking and while I was drinking, some angry feelings were triggered and then it was all downhill. I was horrible to him) and so I feel that letting the booze go for a while is what I need to do for us/him. We had neighbors over last night, and since I didnít mention I was going AF for a while, she brought sangria. I had 2 or 3 sips (literally less than a quarter of the half glass poured) so I am not even going to count it for a drink. Next time, Iíll find a way to say ďthanks, but I am abstainingĒ
Shelly, youíre internal talk sounds very familiar to me! I understand. And hey, whatever it takes right?
Iíll join the challenge thread below to make my weekly plan and keep track.


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GERALDINE16's Photo GERALDINE16 SparkPoints: (71,387)
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8/8/11 2:42 A

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It is not easy but it is DO-ABLE! Like SHELLYGON321 says it is about planning and like SEPTEMBERSPIRIT AND WINDSTAR3 both say it is also about avoiding or ignoring people that don't like it if you are not drinking. I also used to drink loads with my husband on a daily basis - and I hated how I felt the next day. In the beginning when I stopped he would always try to get me to drink, now he has accepted I don't want to anymore and he defends my actions to others who give me hassles about it. I was able to stop drinking after a weekend of excessive drinking as was a sick as a dog on the Sunday - that was the day I realised if I continued like this I would probably die from drinking (it may sound melodramatic but the way I felt it felt very real emoticon

Good luck with your journey - I also found posting here www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/team_mes
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geboard_thread.asp?board=6431x2546x4R>3268853

on a daily basis kept me accountable to a very supportive team and there was no way I wanted to let them down.
emoticon

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SHELLYGON321 Posts: 1,118
8/8/11 12:02 A

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It is difficult, but I try to PLAN. Also, I've had to cut back on spending time with certain people. I figure, if they don't want to be my friend when I'm sober, I don't want to be their friend period. Some people, I don't hang out with. As far as "normal drinking times," that's when planning comes in. I think about it before hand. The conversation (inside my head) usually goes like this. "Ok, me and Amanda are going out tonight, and I know we'll stop at that restaurant that also has a bar. This is tough. I normally drink when we go there. Well, I made a deal with myself to drink twice per month, and I don't want to WASTE one of my drinking days here. Ok, no drinking tonight. She can drink, I wont." And if I need more help it usually continues "Do you want to admit to your therapist that you drank? No. Do you want to go to AA meetings? No. Are you an alcoholic? No. Don't say things like that. Well then you need to make sure you don't drink tonight, or you're going to have to tell and be held accountable. Ok. No drinking tonight. I will drink next weekend when the girls all come over to my house. Ok." See, I come from a line of alcoholics, and I WILL NOT admit that *I* am an alcoholic (because I'm not). lol. So I made a deal with myself, and if I notice I'm unable to keep my end of the deal, the consequences are to ADMIT that I am unable to control my drinking, and seek outside (SP doesn't count as "outside") support. Like AA. And since I'm not an alcoholic, AA isn't for me. That helps me stay in line. I know walking into the situation that I'm not going to drink. If I go in with "well I'll try not to drink" you better get the bartenders ready cuz I'm COMING!! I have to make the firm decision before hand- I will not drink. This is what I will say to friends if they ask. This is what I will do if I become uncomfortable or upset. This is who I will call if I feel myself slippin. I think it's important that people are familiar with their own boundaries and definition of a "problem." Is having one drink every day a problem? Is having 7 drinks once per week a problem? Is having 15 drinks twice per month a problem? They all amount to the same AMOUNT of alcohol, but some people would say one form of drinking is more appropriate than another. Determine what YOU want, and then be aware of what you're doing so you know if you need more help or not. You can do this. :) We're here to help!!!!

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SEPTEMBERSPIRIT's Photo SEPTEMBERSPIRIT SparkPoints: (86,638)
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8/7/11 6:01 P

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The thread WINDSTAR is referring to is the following: www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/team_mes
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geboard_thread.asp?board=0x2546x4215R>1783


And small goals first... It took me a very long time to attain the 30 days and since then - it's been hard to get my numbers back in line with where I want to be. I find myself readusting as life events happen and at times, when you want to 'start' ... it's best to avoid situations where drinking happens... At least until you have more success behind you.

I have been low on AF days the past few months and with my holidays this week - I'm going to enjoy and relax... My plan is to come back and get back to routine once I'm back to 'normal'... I have learned that I need to be honest with myself and by doing so - it allows me to be more moderate and feel more in control.

The thread is good if you're feeling like you really want to be AF but you're being tempted...

The team is here for you... to support you through this!!

Real Name: Helene

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Persistence (and consistency) is KEY to success!

ASK, BELIEVE, RECEIVE!!


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WINDSTAR3's Photo WINDSTAR3 SparkPoints: (18,666)
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8/7/11 3:51 P

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When I first went AF, I would try to hide it from some friends, when I was out, because I knew what kind of crap they would throw at me because of their own guilty feelings about how much they drank. However, now I just freely order club soda and if anybody gives me crap I remind them that I will now be able to drive them home...

When it is a situation where I always drink, for example my family reunions, I have gotten used to carrying around a ton of sparkling mineral water. I just drink that while everybody else has beer. It sounds easy, but I swear it is not. I miss drinking almost every day, but I know that it is better for me in the long run.

Good luck to you, check back in and I hope that we are a good positive group for you to hang out in. There is a "help me" thread, I can't remember exactly what it is called, but it has something like "panic button" in the title. I have had to use that a time or two, when I have had a bad day at work and the only thing stopping me from picking up a 6 pack on the way home is the idea that I will have to come clean to you guys who have been so incredibly supportive to me.

~Lori

Limits exist only in the minds of those who do not dream.~ paraphrased quote from Philippe Petit, high wire artist


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BECKTY's Photo BECKTY SparkPoints: (3,757)
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8/7/11 12:11 P

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I've been a member of this board for a long time, and I read off and on. But actually going AF has been very very difficult for me. My husband and I both drink together, daily. Sometimes not too much, and sometimes too much.

I am tired of it. Tired of feeling like I fail at controlling it. Tired of feeling icky. Tired of spending the money. And tired of the example I am setting for my kids.

My husband also wants to quit off and on, but we both lack the discipline. This is going to be difficult to do on my own, with plenty of booze still in the house, but I am hoping to pop in here regularly for the encouragement of others who've successfully cut back or quit.

My first goal: 1 week AF. I've love to get to 30 days, and I'll see how this first week goes.

But I'd love some input from everyone. How do you handle situations were A) everyone else is drinking or B) it's a situation you normally drink. (ie. camping next weekend)

Enjoying reading older postings for the encouragement. Thanks to all for your transparency.

b

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