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-WISPY-'s Photo -WISPY- Posts: 24,626
8/24/14 6:12 A

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Think I mentioned maybe that I had trouble with kind of bullying at one job I had. There was one woman who was a real troublemaker, well in my opinion. I had been worrying about her and actually not wanting to go to work and then a helpful friend suggested I try a totally different approach and do something nice for her. It seemed like it couldn't make things any worse and I didn't make a big deal of it.
I took her in an African violet if I remember correctly. I don't remember why, but maybe I knew she liked them. Anyway the idea was to do something that I knew she would enjoy. Well have to tell you, she shut up after that and tried to be pleasant. I was never friends with her, but it was very pleasant to have a different atmosphere in the department.

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
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"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
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"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
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Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (86,950)
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8/24/14 12:00 A

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I keep catching myself spending too much of my time thinking about some of the unkind things 2 individuals at work have said or done, or what I should say to them, and then I wonder why I'm wasting so much of my time and mental energy on them, and reacting to them, rather than on doing & creating and experiencing what I want. I don't want to let them steal my attention, inner peace or confidence, or interfere with my enjoyment of life or making progress toward my goals. I know my situation is not as extreme as yours, Amy, but I find myself wanting to spend less time reacting to them, and more time making my own choices and forging my own experience. And I want to remember to be patient and compassionate with myself, even when I fall into reactive mode, or I'm disappointed that I let them get to me. I'm learning, and growing, and I don't have to be perfect in order to get stronger.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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-WISPY-'s Photo -WISPY- Posts: 24,626
8/23/14 5:09 A

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I have found great strength in being part of a group to help me maintain my confidence.
It is good to be with others who share our current issues.
I joined a Victim Support Group, but there are many different groups who help people who are in, or have been in abusive relationships. Perhaps there is one in your area, or online.

It is something that has helped me so much and continues to do so.

Hugs Wispy



"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 SparkPoints: (7,151)
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8/23/14 1:59 A

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I have been struggling somewhat lately. My ex has been up to his old tricks, but there are no witnesses, and I'm afraid I am losing credibility with the police. I'm snappish with my kids. I realized that the ex is getting exactly what he wanted...control of my emotions. I am making an appointment to get back on anti depressants so that he doesn't take my new found confidence.

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8/1/14 11:44 P

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emoticon It's wonderful that you can recognize your growing strength. Some survivors go on to find sensitive and supportive partners. I haven't found one yet, and would like to. But I would much rather be in no relationship than a toxic or harmful one! And I have enjoyed building a strong and nurturing relationship with myself an my various internal parts. That has been vastly rewarding.

emoticon for sharing your success with us! emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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-WISPY-'s Photo -WISPY- Posts: 24,626
8/1/14 9:55 P

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Woo hoo Salam, I am in agreement with Freebird. What you did and even more important what you felt are just great examples of freedom from the suffocating control we used to live with.

You are doing very well. Keep up the good work. We are right here behind you.

Hugs Wispy.

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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FREEBIRD7100's Photo FREEBIRD7100 SparkPoints: (5,809)
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8/1/14 3:48 A

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Way to go! For not letting him get to you. That is a big thing, it means YOU have the power! he no longer controls you, YOU control you. Proud of you. It might seem like a little thing, but it an AWESOME thing. I do agree that you need to recognize a good relationship from a bad one. Once you do you will be truly happy. You will have gotten to a place of love for yourself and love for one other who will love you unconditionally the same way you love them.

Again, be proud of yourself for being a stronger more awesome you! Take care of yourself and Have a blessed day.

Tina

I will not allow the tragedies in my life to become a negative influence in the world.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.


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8/1/14 1:27 A

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I feel as though I am getting stronger. On the 21st my ex blocked my car while I tried to exit the library. I knew it was him because he made a sign and hung it out his window. At first it stressed me out...not because I was threatened, but how was I going to talk to a cop about this when I had to get to class? I got the kids to the babysitter ( they saw him and thought he was being dumb) and called the cops, went to class (which I had to leave when the cops called me back with a "He did what? You're sure it was him? Did you know when you married him that he's not very smart?" (that part made me laugh). When we went to court the next day his lawyer tried to bargain with me, saying he was under control. I told her what happened...the victim advocate who was with me had a hard time keeping a straight face when I told the lawyer what had happened the previous afternoon...the lawyer just shook her head, sighed heavily, and walked away. I almost felt bad for her. It can be hard to be the brains of the operation...

Since then I've been doing a lot of introspection. I don't ever want to be married again, but I would like to be in a mutually respectful relationship. I think I need to learn how to recognize what that looks like ...

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-WISPY-'s Photo -WISPY- Posts: 24,626
6/29/14 11:23 P

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For me, it is an ongoing journey. I think of you as a survivor because you have taken the first step to recovery and are looking into getting help for yourself and your children. You are aware you have been abused and are doing something about it.

In my case the more my head cleared and belonging to the Victim Abuse Group was a big part of that journey - the more I realised I was a survivor.

Its a bit like being tossed into stormy seas. I would think of a survivor as starting that journey the second they hung on to a piece of drifting timber and reached out for help to achieve that.

You have taken that step.

I sure know about energy vampires. Many people in my life were like that. I discovered later it was because I attracted them like a magnet. I do not mean it was my fault. As I had no idea I thought of myself as a victim at that time.
I used to wonder why when I had read like attracts like.

However I learned that victim and abuser attract each other. I recognise abusers now - I may not always be right, but I give those people a wide berth and I am a much stronger person in many ways now than I was then.

Don't know if we have talked about Co-dependecy. But I read a book by Melodie Beatty called Codependent No More and that opened my eyes to a lot of things that helped me understand what was going on in my life.

Edited by: -WISPY- at: 6/29/2014 (23:25)
"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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6/29/14 9:53 P

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Thank you so much for your responses. I am looking into counseling for me and the kids. You know, I used to wish my husband would just hit me and get it over with. I know from the way he keeps trying to psyche me out that I could never trust him again, and with his mood swings, I am really hoping he is limited to supervised visitation with the kids. I can honestly say we are all lighter and more relaxed when he's not around. I used to call him an energy vampire, because he just sucked it all out. With him gone my house is cleaner, I am more rested, and I can form a sentence without overthinking it.

I would like to know, though...How do you know when you've stopped being a victim and become a survivor?

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6/22/14 10:47 P

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I would agree with the women who shared that in your group.

I too belonged to a victims support group and although my husband was also physically abusive, it was far and away the constant daily emotional and mental abuse that caused the deepest suffering. His words ate away at my self esteem and it even seemed that the things he said might be true. I was never really sure it wasn't all my fault. My childhood was spent in a similar fashion. Kids frequently think it is their fault when things are wrong at home and I had that in spades. Really my husband just confirmed all my worst fears.

It was wonderful to hear others with similar stories and a girl said one day. It's like we all married the same man.... and indeed it could have been so.

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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RESTORETOSANITY Posts: 233
6/22/14 9:49 A

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...and I would say as well, counseling specifically for domestic violence right now would be crucial. You are at the stage learning appropriate boundaries with someone you no longer want a relationship with but for now, at least, have to interact with in regards to the kids. This means lots of stuff can be off limits for interactions with him, if you want it to be. I was in a relationship that was emotionally and mentally abusive; the domestic violence counselors were the ones who took me seriously and helped me set boundaries, as well as women in the dv support group. Women who experienced what I thought was "worse" abuse told me they found the physical abuse aspect easier to deal with than the emotional/mental abuse, and totally supported my being there.

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-WISPY-'s Photo -WISPY- Posts: 24,626
6/21/14 2:29 A

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Thank you for sharing your story with us.

What I posted underneath is my own story and how I dealt with the trauma. Perhaps you are not at a place to leave your husband, but want to find a way of living with him and make your marriage work. Many people do this.

There is a very good fellowship called Al Anon to which I belonged for many years. This is a group for the family and friends of alcoholics - your man may not be an alcoholic, but if his drinking is affecting your life together you would find understanding and help from others who have experienced similar problems to your own and the programme could help you discover what you really want to do for yourself and your family.

Hugs Wispy




"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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6/21/14 2:00 A

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You know, I think I owe you all an explanation.

I left my husband in January 2012, and took my kids to a safe house. I lived there a month, then stayed with a cousin for a few months. I had a lot of trouble getting cops and the legal system to take me seriously because the abuse was all verbal and emotional. By the time I left I was pretty crazy, having had an emotional affair (I thought I was in love, this guy thought I really needed therapy). My husband was waking me up every 2 hours, drugging me with sleeping pills, disabled our car, calling me incessantly...I was crazy and scared. I also got a lot of bad legal advice. I am still quite bitter about what happened when I tried to file police reports and get a restraining order. Let's just say that even with well known therapists saying that my behavior was consistent with abuse, he still had the freedom to stalk me.

Eventually I moved into my Grandparents mobile home, which my uncle graciously let me stay in. I have had great difficulty finding work, but I am back in school to get my teaching credentials. My ex would come over all the time to "see the kids" though he rarely interacted with them, and we consistently saw a counselor (court ordered) to be better co-parents, but he thought that meant "a couple." Unfortunately, he also used that time to steal papers, including all my legal records and journals, specifically the ones I kept in the safe house. He even went on mood stabilizing medication for awhile, and we got along well at that time. Then he went off of it, and started drinking again, and, well, here I am, going through the restraining order process again...

My goal is to recognize abuse and manipulative behavior before I get sucked into it. Also to discover what of me is authentic and how much is just programming from others.When I am away from him my mind seems so much clearer, and my kids and I are so much happier. Also to help my kids stay away from it. My great fear is that my girls will either be emotionally abused or become abusers. I can see it going either way.


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6/20/14 6:16 P

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Oh sweetheart. I have to tell you in many ways that has been the story of my life. I grew up feeling that way. And I so understand what you are saying. I then married a man who was similar. I was always in the wrong and according to him made him do whatever abusive thing he happened to be doing.
Therapy was a big necessity in my life and reading has also helped me enormously. Finding out I was not alone was wonderful, I really thought I was insane - and I was so confused about life and people and everything. In fact I had very little idea of right and wrong. Not in major matters like killing, stealing etc, but in normal everyday interactions. I could not distinguish between what was real and what was not and I recall in my teen years watching how other people behaved and what they said and did just so that I could appear to fit in.

I had no judgement at all of what was appropriate. The things I had been taught were the things I believed to be true. Abusive husbands are a similar case in point. In fact many of us who have been abused as children just go on and find an abusive partner who will continue treating us in a similar way. It is what we know and recognise.

I discovered in counselling that every voice in my head was someone elses. All the old tapes and messages were what ruled my life.

Finding my own voice did take some time and realising that it was not my own voice I was hearing was the first step. I was on my way to finding myself. So you have started your journey. This is very good news.

Writing was my biggest tool along the way. It was a technique I learned very early on in my "recovery" journey. Free fall writing. Sitting down with pen and paper or on the computer these days, if you prefer and writing whatever comes into your head. The main thing is absolutely no censorship. If you think it, write it no matter how crazy, wicked or insane it may sound. Just let it pour out like a flow of water. No thinking, no wondering, and no changing or crossing out. Let the writing come.
Some people have trouble with this at first and find when they sit down to write they cannot think of anything to say.
I was told to write down, "I dont know what to say." "I cant think of anything." Every thought that comes into your head right it down. "This is stupid" "I dont want to do this". "I hate God". That is one that scared me witless. I was terrified of a judgemental God and going to Hell for writing those words. It was pointed out to me whether I wrote it or not made no difference. It was already in my head and heart so God knew.

It does not seem to matter how long it takes to get started. Making the time to do this pays off. In the end I found it so interesting I was spending a lot of time discovering myself. First off I found out I had no idea what I liked or disliked in almost every area of my life. I tended to please others and just do what they wanted to do.

Just by writing I began to find out things about myself. Slowly discovering things I did and did not like is an interesting journey. I had to try all sorts of things to discover what I actually did or did not like, what sort of music I liked and did not, etc etc.

Hope this may be helpful. If not other people have other approaches. There are no right or wrong ways. Perhaps something someone else will appeal to you.

I tried many things that are great for others, but do not necessarily work for, or appeal to me.

But this was another part of my journey, finding this out. People recommend books and particular teachers etc. because these things help them and they want to share, like I have just done with mentioning the writing. This helped me. Other things help others.

If you try different things you will find your own path. It is an individual journey and we support one another to find their own truth.

Hugs Wispy


Edited by: -WISPY- at: 6/20/2014 (18:27)
"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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6/20/14 12:40 P

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My question is this...How do you know when you are acting sanely? My ex has had me so convinced that I was insane, that I did not act logically, that I was too naive to truly know and understand people. Even when what he was doing didn't make any sense, there seemed to be some way he could justify or deny his behavior, until I found myself thinking that I had imagined it. Even now, he puts so much pressure on me that I'm never sure if I am making a rational decision. I often find it's his voice in my head telling me I'm wrong or bad or failing my kids. How do I find my own voice?

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4/13/14 5:21 P

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I am so in agreement with everything you say. These are the things that help me as well.
For along while I was too scared or something...not sure why looking back, but I would not go. I wanted only one on one counselling. Then finally getting to a group was the best thing I ever did and I became a group fan. I have joined all sorts to help me work through many issues in the last 40 or 50 years. The self help ones seem to suit me best in the main for all the reasons Restore to Sanity has mentioned.

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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RESTORETOSANITY Posts: 233
4/13/14 9:49 A

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Sorry so late to reply, Monica, I'm really behind on all my sparkblogs.
I just wanted to say that lots of things have helped me, but one thing I did recently was go back to a support group. Counseling on and off has been good for me, but there's something about the group process that really speeds things up for me. The identification, seeing how others go through their process, the support...for some of the most recent stuff, it's been Adult Children of Alcoholics and other Dysfunctional Families. Groups help me not feel alone, and bring me out of myself. Your mileage may vary (in other words, groups may not be for you), but some of the most awesome people I've met are people in recovery from some of the most awful stuff. Hang in there!

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4/11/14 11:26 P

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Right back at you sweetie. So wish we could wave a magic wand over us all. xx

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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4/11/14 12:08 A

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Thank you Wispy!

emoticon



Just Get Started!


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4/8/14 8:45 P

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Hi Monica,

I hear you my dear. I too have had depression since a child - and like you had no idea what it was until much later on. It is so like a black cloud that sucks the life out of everything. Many time I have wanted to bury my head under the blankets and never see the light of day again.

From what you write I think you know the answers, in that only we can make the decision and the effort to get moving while the depression is actually with us. I too write and do the things you mention. I am a big Tolle fan and have been practicing daily the work with the pain body for the last 6 months. It is not a speedy one pill cures all remedy but I no longer fight what is going on inside. I am accepting that it is there and 'holding it' like he suggests rather than trying to get away from it. Some days I find myself getting up and doing things that I had not even consciously thought I would do and once I start the depression is lessened.

Another thing that helps me is being kind to other people and focusing on their needs - in fact working towards making their days happier.

Sometimes I will retreat into my shell for a few days and just take care of myself. I have been doing reparenting of my inner child for the last 20 or so years. This is another thing that has helped me so much. I can now talk to her when she is hurting and she trusts me and knows that no matter what I love her and will bot abandon her. I feel better after we talk and I feel her settle down. The PTSD seems to be another thing most of us with abuse issues do suffer with.

Acceptance of everything that comes up has been the biggest help for me. Just to accept it is there and what am I going to do about it. There is no way to change the past. I also have got the biggest blessing from learning how to forgive and bless those who abused me. I came to realise they, as all of us do, are behaving in the only way that is possible to us at any given point in time. If they had been better able to, they would have treated me differently.

None of this stuff is easy to do, but pain is a great incentive when it comes to changing the way we look at things.

Please feel free to vent any time here. That in itself relieves some of the pressure. It is so easy to think Why me? Then comes the thought regardless of that, it is what it is and only I can do anything to help alleviate it.

Sending you warm and loving hugs.

Wispy

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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4/8/14 12:04 A

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emoticon

I've been struggling with depression and it has been really rough. I haven't exercised in awhile because of how I am feeling... pretty low! I haven't been sleeping so well either and it is taking its toll on my health and overall wellbeing. I'm trying to get out of this dark hole but it seems harder each day because of the things going on in my life, how it is going and of course... the past! My husband had a good talk with me and has always and still is very supportive and loving for what I go through. This stuff has effected my health, life, and relationships with others. I am reading self help books to help give me that push to be better again. Dr. Wayne Dyer, Eckhart Tolle, Louise L. Hay and so many others have helped me in so many positive ways through depression. I've suffered from depression since a child. But as a child, I didn't understand what was happening to me. I've seen counsellors since the age of 20 years old. No one could truly help and understand the type of emotional and mental pain I was suffering from and with. I've tried so many methods to help ease this internal pain but only some things helped in the moment. But reading books have helped me to be stronger and educated me to NOT take crap from anybody no matter who they were. I had to reraise myself and learn what others' already knew due to having a better upbringing than I. My parents were very toxic and abusive throughout my life and still are. They can't get away with same kind of abuse because my husband would not put up with them treating me like that. So they do it when he's not around or in the room. My mother has always been the worst abuser. I'm struggling with all of this inside and I have what you call PTSD. The memories of the abuse and how I was treated never seem to go away. They stay and haunt me almost everyday and especially at night. I've journalled on this for years and the pain still hurts. Depression is a horrible disease of the mind, body and spirit. It steals everything from you! You have to FIGHT hard to get it back!

Just Get Started!


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2/8/14 3:18 P

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Hello there, I see you found this thread before I mentioned it.

I too was a caretaker, in 1975 it was called co-dependency. I had no idea. I did the same as you for all the reasons you mention and others as well.

Caretaking was really my identity - under everything else. I needed to do that in order to be liked and feel worthwhile.

There is a booked Co-dependent No More by Melody Beattie, dont know if you have ever read it. It was an eye opener to me and began one of the changes in my life.

I was abused in childhood and also in my second marriage. Often people who have been abused are co-dependent. I was just so used to taking care of others, no idea of what it felt like to be taken care of.

I wanted love in order to survive or at the very least a feeling of being loved. Looking after others filled this need. When I read the Melody Beattie book, I was amazed to find myself on every page. It was like reading the story of my life.

If we can help in any way please keep posting and sharing what you feel comfortable to share. If you prefer to do that in private then sparkmail. I am not of any of the social networks.

Hugs Wispy

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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2/8/14 2:37 P

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I don't know how to stop taking care of everyone else.

I blogged about my relationship with my siblings today. I went from taking care of them, to having my own family. My kids were all born sick and I have basically spent the last 14 years in the hospitals and doctors offices with them. All I have ever done is take care of everyone else.

I had someone tell me once that I need to take time to do me. I don't know how. I am afraid to try. I don't know if I could handle shutting everyone out to focus on my own life. I mean what if I did and everyone was ok with it. Would that mean that I was never needed. That I don't matter to them and maybe never did.

I am not sure what I would even do if I had the opportunity to focus on just me. I mean I know that I would continue to work toward getting healthy. But I think I would end up coming right back to the computer checking in with everyone making sure there lives are staying afloat and seeing what I can do to help.

i have my own dreams. But I am so used to not getting what I want and settling that I am almost ok with them just being dreams. I almost don't expect them to ever be anything more than that.




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There is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living. ~ Nelson Mandela

Don't compare yourself to others. Compare yourself to the person from yesterday....

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1/24/14 7:28 P

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Janay, I am so pleased you were able to share. I understand the guilt and shame. i experienced them too, and also the awful feeling of guilt at sharing family stuff to anyone outside the family. After sharing I wanted to take it all back and even felt that pherhaps I had imagined it, misunderstood or even made it all up and lied. I was an absoute mess. However it does get better. Sometimes even now I feel guilty for saying all the stuff I did, but I know this is just the conditioning I got in childhood, where I felt guilty and responsible for everything that happened to me..... if only I was loveable instead of bad none of it would ever have happened. Feeling guilty for being abused is much more common than you might think. It is as strang as, or maybe the same as victims who begin to identify with their captors. There is an actual name for that condition.

If you would prefer to talk in private, drop me a line any time, I will be pleased to hear from you.

Hugs Wispy

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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1/24/14 12:39 A

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Thank you Wispy and Blessedbeing for replying to me when I needed it the most. I still can't believe I posted even this much. There have been countless times I have written something out and never actually posted. And even though I didn't go into detail I still feel ashamed I even brought it up. I am so embarrassed I said anything at all. Even though I know on some level that it's healthy I did. But I think I still feel like I'm somehow at fault for whatever happened or maybe it's denial. I don't know but I am definitely going to be putting in the work to get to the place where I can love and accept myself, at least most of the time. I apologize it took me so long to reply back and again emoticon

Counting my blessings or at least trying to! :-)


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1/18/14 9:53 P

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I relate, too, Janaya! Boundary issues can be so huge for those of us who grew up with our boundaries constantly violated by the very people who should have been protecting us. At least that was my case. I can still get mad at myself when I fail to recognize how someone is behaving inappropriately in the moment, like with my experience recently with being scammed.

But just doing the regular inner work with a therapist, a helpful book (The Courage to Heal, 8 Keys to Safe Trauma Recovery, whatever you find that appeals to you), taking a self-defense class (I loved my months at a women's kung fu school), can all help. I also love rereading Louise Hay's You Can Heal Your Life (I prefer the gift edition with the pretty illustrations, though I always recommend skipping her first chapter "What I Believe" that always smacks of blaming the victim to me), and how she reminds us that personal growth and the journey to health, healing and wholeness is a process to be celebrated along the way. It's not instant, we aren't going to suddenly be perfect, it's just important to keep loving and accepting ourselves where we are right now.

Wishing you all the best. Thanks for sharing. emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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1/17/14 4:07 P

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Yes, I have been there as well, allowing people to behave inappropriately. In my case it was because I wanted everyone, including them to like me and I would also second guess myself and think I was over reacting and they didnt mean what I thought they meant and a whole chain of stuff which you mention.

For me it was a journey of dealing with my past. I no longer respond to people who I consider cross the line in any way. For instance the people who come to the door selling stuff, including religion. I used to think I had to listen to them as I didnt want to be rude or hurt their feelings - or go to hell if I wasnt kind to them. I had a big fear of going to hell if I was ever rude to anyone or in fact did not treat them with the utmost kindness. As my self worth improved I began to take charge of my life and become willing to be responsible for my actions and accept that regardless of what I did or did not do some people were not going to like me and I also began to deal with the fear I had of people and God. All people in my book were authority figures and I was really afraid of all of them. I just wanted to be liked and feel normal.

I was a people pleaser and in my case thought I was being spiritual. When I began to take a good like inside I began to discover what the payoff was for me. Cant remember the book or teaching that first told me to start looking at the payoffs I got in my life for the way I behaved.
As I started looking at this I got a better idea of who I was. Underneath everything else in my case it was fear of going to Hell. I was so starved of affection and kindness and self worth I would have done anything to receive those things and avoid being burnt in hell for eternity. So sad looking back that I believed I was wicked and evil and that this is what was going to happen to me. I spent my life trying to save myself from this fate, but in spite of everything i tried to do I still felt wicked and guilty and unloveable.

Working on my co-dependency, people pleasing behaviour and reparenting my inner child began to help me.
For those of us who have been abused we really have to work on the inside as well as the outside in order to feel comfortable in our skin.

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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1/17/14 12:36 P

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I'm feeling frustrated. I guess I have been losing more inches than weight and it's starting to show because I'm starting to get more attention from the opposite sex and for the most part it's positive but then some creep thinks he can approach me and I feel all the ugly stuff bubble back up. Feeling so completely out of control and at someone else's mercy, the feelings of being trapped, not being able to see the way out. Then I feel the panic start to set in and not till after the fact when I'm away from that person do I start to think about why I gave them the time of day. Why was I patient or kind to them. Why do I put their feelings first and not just walk away or ignore them because I don't want to embarrass them or hurt their feelings even though they deserve it. Especially when they are CLEARLY married. I know on the grand scale he wasn't on the same level as a pedophile but it just felt the same. I guess because of that whole crossing lines that shouldn't be crossed and bringing me into it without my consent. I eventually reached the point I walked away but instead of getting angry with him. I started berating myself. I started to try to blame myself. Did I do something to bring it on? Was I dressed incorrectly, was I behaving in a way that might have made him think it was ok to approach me. The answer was NO!! I was wearing a sweatshirt and black slacks and I was sitting quietly in a waiting area waiting to be called. Then the anger comes and then I start sabotaging my current efforts to become healthy because I am losing the literal and figurative cushion that protects me from these type of advancements. It makes me want to SCREAM that these CREEPS still have ANY power over me. Any advice would be appreciated because some days I just want to give in and give up but then I know I will be giving them the power permanently.

Counting my blessings or at least trying to! :-)


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6/30/13 12:30 A

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So pleased you are able to get this out Amanda and this thread is so exactly the right place to share it.

Sending love and healing.

Wispy

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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6/29/13 11:13 P

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I have to admit, I don't always feel strong enough to read the sharings here, but I value a place where we can talk about the ugly stuff when we need to. I'm "out" on the other 2 teams I co-lead in terms of being an incest survivor, but I don't go into details on them as a rule.

I had a powerful second session with a new therapist--returning after some years away from the process. She had me check in with my body to see if there were any parts that need tending. Sure enough, connected to my neck (one of the sources of my physical issues with the pinched nerve) was a young part who held a lot of tears and sadness. She had been forced to perform oral sex, and holds a lot of physical pain and emotional trauma. It was a very deep and ultimately healing session, and I'm so glad I found this therapist.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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6/27/13 11:43 P

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What you shared originally is exactly why this thread was started. Just so that it could "all bubble out". :)

You are more than welcome.

Hugs Wispy.

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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6/27/13 11:12 P

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Thanks Wispy :) It was just kind of bubbling out, and it felt (and looked) a bit much, but I'm glad that it wasn't the issue I thought it was. I'm really thankful this thread is here and I feel better about sharing. Thank you.

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6/27/13 8:38 P

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Your story was fine sweetie from our point of view, but please do what feels comfortable for yourself. This thread is here for venting and getting out everything that needs to be "got out".

:) Hugs Wispy

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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6/24/13 4:26 A

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I hope everyone is doing well. I'm sending hugs and love to all who need them.
I felt bad for unleashing my not-so-great day story on the thread, so I moved it. Sorry for that :(
More hugs and love,
Britt

Edited by: ACTOUTLOUD at: 6/26/2013 (00:21)
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6/10/13 9:04 P

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Good for you Robbin. It's always good to vent when we are feeling low, it does help me to change moods. I guess getting the sad stuff out of my head allows the good stuff to come on into my thoughts.

Hugs Wispy

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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6/9/13 11:12 P

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Thank you all for the encouragement and love. I am a survivor. I know that what happened so many years ago was not my fault. I do have many very good days. I will start counting those instead of dwelling on the bad ones.

See you all tomorrow.

As ever and always,
Robbin

Keep believing in yourself. Be your own #1 fan. Make one good choice each day for You. You deserve it. Be kind to yourself.

Let's cheer for each other through triumphs and carry each other through sorrow.


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6/8/13 10:47 P

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Robbin, How wonderful that you now have a loving husband and family. That is such good news.

It is great that you decided to share on this thread. I agree with what has been said about sharing the pain and talking to others who understand. Those who have not been through abuse are often very well meaning in the things they say when they try to help us, but it is only those who have been through it that can truly seem to understand.

There is great book called "Courage to Heal", which was an absolute eye opener to me. I had felt so lonely and isolated. I grew up with an enormous guilt complex which took many years to work through and then like you I came to a place after therapy of realising that none of it was my fault. To actually believe that deep inside myself was a wonderful release.

I married an abusive man and when I finally left him for good the police put me in touch with a Victim Support Group. This has been one of the major blessings in my life. We talked and shared about the various types of abuse we had suffered. The woman who led the group was also a survivor of incest and had reached a place in her own life where she was "clear" of her own stuff and able to comfortably be with us all. I was blessed that she later became my therapist.

I can only share my own journey here, so I only speak for myself but forgiveness is what has set me free. For me it was a long journey to come to a place of being willing to forgive - that in fact was the most difficult part. I had to pray for the willingness to become willing. Then it was suggested that I just needed to pray that all those by name who had harmed me would find all the love joy and peace I wished for myself ( it could also have been all the health wealth and happiness) just whatever your own deepest desires would like for yourself. You just pray that these people who have harmed you may find these blessings as well. I used to grit my teeth and tell my Higher Power, he knew I didn't mean it. But it seems it is not so much what we feel about it, but the act on our part of being willing to say it. Over time, and in my case a long time, I did come to mean it and then later again I came to understand that they too had been abused and were treating me in the only thing they could. Once I began to understand and feel a degree of empathy for them my prayers slowly became more than just words and although they had long since passed on I continued to wish them all those things.

Over time (I am now 73), I have come to realise that every single thing in my life - seemingly good or seemingly bas has all played its part in making me the person I am today, and I love who I am today. It was through forgiveness that I actually came to be able to forgive myself.

When I speak of forgiveness it was suggested to me that I was doing this for myself and that it was not necessary to mean it - this was so important to me. It was the willingness to do it that started my own healing process at depth. I then began re-parenting my hurting inner child. She is now loved and feels safe with me.

Sending you love and healing. Wispy

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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6/8/13 9:12 P

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Willow i totally understand what you are feeling! I can tell you I am glad you went and got help that was empowering and important for you to heal. Let you little self have voice sharing here is a big step. You are amazing, beautiful and wonderful inside and out what happened to you was no your fault and hope you really realize that for me i had so much blame because i would get to go to my loving mom (but he had me terrified that he would kill her) i never said anything to anyone and the two people we went to betrayed us one was my aunt my father sister who was abused by him and she told me to be a good girl and just not make him mad and the other was our local church priest. My father and step mother lived almost 75 miles from my mom and family i would be picked up every friday from my school @ 2;45 PM & would be taken to school Monday @ 7 which meant i had to be up and ready by 4:30am in order to get there; i had to be there but would get to live my guilt and shame and blame would be from me getting to go home while my half siblings even if it was a few days i got to go home summers, spring and winter vacation and oh yes turkey week made to two would all be his. Mine started from the age of 12 court ordered visits stil iwas 19 then i stopped which led to more guilt it wasn't until i got married to my first husband that i removed my two youngest out of there. the other two had already left for college they graduated at a year early each to get out with 4.0 and 3.93 got scholarships and jobs... the two youngest were 12 & 13 when i got them out all i did was threaten to talk and my dad signed over custody. years later in my 30 i started having flashbacks of a son i had given birth too he made me believe he was dead after he took him after 7 days of being born premie to boot because he beat the crap out of me because he knew i was 7 + months pg and mom would now know my son was born b4 i had to go back from summer break My mom never knew until i was in deep therapy and was helped by a therapist and psych team to remember my siblings knew but knew i didn't so they worked with my therapist to help me through it in family group. My ex was wonderful through all this he went back remembering how easy it was to get my younger brothers and did the same we found my neice and son ( my sister too had a child taken) at this point the kids my son was 16 and 14 and he had done the same to them as he had to us thus he went to jail for 14 served 10 years for both of them. He is gone now but the memories would hunt me; I ended up with an eating disorder from being put in a crawl place without food for days. Just water to keep us hydrated but the abuse was torturous he would rape us deprive food and beat us in places i can't even begin to tell you. He and she were sick and twisted monsters. My question was always why? i'll never know. i always thought it was because my mom had to garnish his wages in order to make him his meeker 38.00 per week in child support and have insurance on me. up and til i was 12 i knew the love of my step dad and mom. when my mom and step dad divorced and mom went on assistance that is when he was located and that is when the visits started. i feared him when i was 4 and my mom moved because he was trying to get custody of me then and she saw how distraught i was over the back and forth but i often wonder if there was more there. I now have a voice and speak up and out and volunteer; my nightmares still happen as do my flashbacks but i have techniques i use to help know i'm safe. There are times where all seems real and it takes me a while to know i'm safe but my new husband of 7 years next week understand me and is very supportive. my ex had his own set of issues drugs and infidelity by the time we divoreced i knew my worth and staying with him was not healthy. the kids (my step kids and my son) were in college by the time i knew i had to leave. I took the time in between that to get better stayed in therapy but when i moved it was hard for me to find someone new i started doing better and decided time to get healthy lose weight i struggled... binge eating always i lost pounds and would gain back ...finally i lost and wanted to keep it off knew it stemmed from the food depreviation and needed to get back into therapy because things were still hairy i did this 2 years ago and it was the best gift to myself. i was ready to really push and get better. so yes it can get better not everyday but like the freebird said it can get easier as you get better.. so do for you love yourself because you are worht all the love possible. you are a SURVIVOR!! you now have a voice!! No one can hurt you and you are safe! emoticon

Emmy
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"Your Fitness is 100% MENTAL! Your body WON'T GO, where your MIND doesn't PUSH IT!!"

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6/8/13 1:47 P

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Willow,

For some it never goes away, but for most it gets to a place where you can deal with it enough that it doesnt invade peaceful times, like sleep, or happy family moments that are yours to have & not yours to share with your past. Some also are able to have it go away for good.

I can tell you that it will get better. Mine got better when I decided not to let my abusers control me. I just allowed myself to know that the abuse was over and; in my case; had been over for many years. So why was I allowing these people to still own me. That was a big revelation for me personally. Probably similar to how you felt after talking to victim services. There are occasions when it pops up and I have to work thru it in my mind. Somethings I still struggle with.

Also in my case I have been able to deal with the childhood trauma much easier than the trauma from my first marriage. Mostly because I had my children from that marriage and I still feel betrayed (for a lack of a better word) that I allowed the bad to happen when they were in the picture. Also that they have some emotional baggage from the marriage as well.

I can say that you will find something that will help with the healing and it will be of great comfort. Mine was religion and my beading. God has taken many of my pains and fears and thrown them to the wind so-to speak. God also brought to me the love of beads and the calming effect they have on me. If I am getting overly stressed about something I know I can go to God & then to my beads and I am calmed.

I applaud you for coming here with this, I know it was not easy. But sometimes admitting something like this can help with healing. I know it has for many. Also letting go of shame is a big healer as well. I feel you are on the right track with that as well. I hope that you find people here and in your life that you can lean on to help you continue to heal. God bless you Willow.

Tina

I will not allow the tragedies in my life to become a negative influence in the world.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.


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6/8/13 1:22 P

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Hello team,

My name is Robbin, and I am 46 years old with a wonderful, loving and supportive husband and 3 absolutely incredible grown kids and a precocious granddaughter. I really am blessed and they are a cause of joy in my life. BUT there is a darker side that always lurks under the surface and frankly tries to drown me sometimes.

I was raped repeatedly by my father from the age of 6 months to 11 years. My mother would belittle me and beat me to sometimes unconscious because of what he did to me. She called me vile names and they both made me feel like I could not trust anyone, and that to survive I had to do it on my own.

This lead to a failed 1st marriage. I feel bad about that because my ex husband is a truly remarkable man, we are still good friends. He never really understood the emotional baggage I carried with me or how I couldn't just leave the past in the past. So on that level, again the lesson was I needed to deal with my stuff, myself.

I finally went to a victims service counselor and she made me see that what happened TO me was not My doing, I never asked for it, I didn't deserve it. That was a breakthrough for me. But unfortunately the abuse still haunts me. I still wake up in the middle of the night just waiting for my father to come into my room, or my mother to come yank me out of bed and beat me again.

Does this ever go away?

As ever and always,
Robbin

Keep believing in yourself. Be your own #1 fan. Make one good choice each day for You. You deserve it. Be kind to yourself.

Let's cheer for each other through triumphs and carry each other through sorrow.


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You sound like a very caring person I am sure people appreciate that. Kindness and caring does not always have to be spoken, it is seen and felt by all who receive it. It is the little things that matter most. Being in my seventies, those people who are caring stand out a mile off. I so appreciate them. :)

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
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"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
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"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
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Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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5/25/13 11:03 A

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Wispy ,, i wrote a big long speal on the other forum,, about the job interveiw. I love my job where I am at , its the corporate BS that bothers me. I get grouchy and growly about some things that go on there between the nurses and politics of the company but all in all its not a bad place to work. and its no different from any other nursing home or job really they all come with people that don't pull their own weight. complainers, and no it alls, and then they all have the really good workers, the people that will drop everything to come help where needed, and the people that really care about a job well done. And I pray everyday that I am one of those that people know will come and help no matter what, and know I do really care about my patients and my coworkers whether I show it or not,, cause showing feelings is not a strong suite of mine.

But any way .. I just hope , I take care of my patients the right way. At least I know I try too.

RuthAnn;

" Never allow yourself to be bullied into silence, never allow yourself to be made a victim, accept NO ones definition of your life , Define yourself."

Its your life Take control of it.


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5/22/13 11:56 P

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RuthAnn, I'm wishing you all the very best for getting another job where hopefully you will be treated with the respect you deserve.

Sending love. Wispy.

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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5/22/13 9:10 A

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well as much as i like working there ,, they cut my pay, they took my vacation away from me all because i fell back in december and crushed my right elbow. I had a comminuted fracture and it took 2 months to heal. so because you cant do nursing one armed , I had to have the time off. Now they are saying ,, because it cut my quarterly hours , I am considered part time and don't get any of the benefits, which all i had was life insurance . but they took my vacation time away as well. So I am looking for work else where . I could see it if i were just calling in all the time but i was hurt and could not work. Actually I went to work the same night I fell and hurt my elbow , then next night I couldnt move my arm so I called in ,, I only went the my doctor to have a doctors excuse for calling in , and he sent me to an orthopedic doc who said . oh well your gonna be off work for a while.

any way .. wish me luck i have an interview with a hospital near here and its really hard for an LPN to get hired by a hospital.

RuthAnn;

" Never allow yourself to be bullied into silence, never allow yourself to be made a victim, accept NO ones definition of your life , Define yourself."

Its your life Take control of it.


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5/20/13 10:19 P

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You are a treasure to all those people who have needed help during the night. And I would say although you don't like doing it, you sure are good at doing it when necessary.

Blessings for all you have achieved and I have to agree that praise works wonders. Apart from anything else, when I give praise I feel better than when I am blaming - even if it is justified.

So often things actually do not change, no matter how much we confront and face up to stuff that bugs us, but you have brought about a whole series of very worthwhile changes.

Perhaps it is more a case of choosing the right things to confront. WTG, you sure have done that.

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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5/20/13 6:33 A

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See when I started working at my facility almost 2 years ago , the whole night shift crew slept all night , they got up and did rounds twice a night (which is suppose to be done every 2 hours ) and then slept the rest of their shift.
The night shift crew at that time hated me cause I made them do rounds every 2 hours, I started writing them up for every thing I found they were doing wrong or not doing , and I had one of the night shift supervisors yell at me she said " if you are going to right my girls up for all this you need to right the other shifts up too" I blew up ,, and of course ended up in the Director of nursings office . in the end that nurse was fired the other one put on probation, and the entire night shift was called in for a meeting,
I was so sick , my stomache turned , I felt like I was going to vomit. but the Administrator and the DON, just went over the Nursing home policy and proceedures with the group and stated if not carried out will end in termination no ands ifs or butts about it. and then I was put in the possition I didn't want , as Night shift supervisor.. I kept telling my self should have kept your big mouth shut. All in all the majority of the aides left or moved to another shift. and I have an almost all new crew that stays up all night and works and for the most part does their jobs appropriately/

But I still hate having to confront them .

I am actually getting better tho ,, I can manage now to praise them for a job well done. and I am learning praise is working better than always yellign about work done poorly.

Edited by: TMGSGIRL at: 5/20/2013 (07:23)
RuthAnn;

" Never allow yourself to be bullied into silence, never allow yourself to be made a victim, accept NO ones definition of your life , Define yourself."

Its your life Take control of it.


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5/17/13 10:42 P

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I agree, it is a difficult thing to learn how to confront in a way that is not angry and accusing.
I too have struggled, and still do, with this very thing.

Even having learned to confront in lots of situations, there are still those that I find very difficult. It is so much easier to do when we are angry and we can kind of blow our tops.
One of the hardest things for me to overcome is feeling guilty afterwards.

I do not think I would be very good in a supervisory role. Acknowledging what is going on with you and facing up to it is wonderful.

Thinking there might be a course that would be helpful in your line of work - I know my caregiver (aide) has on going training and I am thinking those who supervise her have courses also.

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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5/17/13 8:01 P

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I know I do, I get panic attacks when I deal with too much conflict!

Tina

I will not allow the tragedies in my life to become a negative influence in the world.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.


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5/17/13 7:50 P

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I think a lot of survivors have difficulty dealing with conflict. I know I do.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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5/17/13 11:18 A

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you know what i find really hard ,, In my job as LPN, in a nursing home. I have to manage and over see the Aides, I find it really really hard to get into a confrontation with them , or to listen to them when i think they have done something wrong. it takes me a long time to work up to confronting them and then I end up blowing up at them. instead of listening to their side of things. This I fear does not make for a very good , Supervisor. But i try . Its just really hard for me to believe people. and my anger management is not the best .

RuthAnn;

" Never allow yourself to be bullied into silence, never allow yourself to be made a victim, accept NO ones definition of your life , Define yourself."

Its your life Take control of it.


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5/2/13 10:42 P

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Hey sweetheart, It was suggested to me that sometimes the anger covers up the pain that we are afraid to really face. For other people the pain and tears cover up the anger.

Over the years I have found it necessary to deal with both. I did not actually choose which came first, for me it was the pain and the tears. I did not even realise I was angry. Always knew I was hurting and tried to deal with that by using booze etc to kill the pain. Then once that was getting better, I began to find the buried rage and anger surfacing and it would erupt at anything and everything. That was a very difficult period, but as I began to write down the things I was angry about in the present it seemed to flow into things I was angry about from the past, and sometimes as I wrote then pen flew so quickly (these days it would be the computer), I could hardly keep up with my thoughts.

At this time it was suggested to me not to censor anything that I wrote (and my language was ... well I could say obscene in some cases, but it seemed it was necessary to get all this out on paper and out of my innermost self. being a Christian I was worried about what God would think when he heard all this stuff, but I was told he already knew my thoughts, and even thought I had no idea that all this was buried inside me, He already knew. So then I was able tow write more freely and actually come to express exactly what I thought of Him and how much I held Him responsible and hated Him for what had happened in my life.

I too learned to go out into the country and just yell and scream to get the rage and pain out. they do seem to be linked together. I would feel so out of control and scared myself that I would actually kill someone. I just wanted to smash things... and it was during this period that I came to understand the rage in others. It was also told to me at this period that it is the bottled up rage when it explodes that is the one most likely to do harm, so that by expressing it in writing and getting it out of my system I was more likely to stop this from happening.

It was not a pleasant period, but I am pleased to say that it was a period, and I learned then to deal with my anger (as we all experience it to some degree just by being human) in ways that did not hurt anyone else, but also meant that I did not keep it bottled up. This all took time and the kindness of the people who were working with me and the understanding of others once I was able to share what was happening in my life.

People who have not experienced the things we have been through try to be kind and helpful and may love us dearly, but it is very difficult to understand what we have not experienced ourselves. One of the reasons I found a group setting helpful. We all understood and knew what others felt. I am so pleased you have joined us. :)

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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5/2/13 12:11 P

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Yeah , Wispy I had a lot to deal with but I made it through for the most part. I still have a lot of anger and rage built up in me and sometimes I just want to explode. and sometimes I explode at the tiniest of things, Sometimes I feel sorry for my DH who gets the brunt of the rage a lot. I have found it helps if I just go down stairs and put in a really hard exercise video and work out , or just go out in the woods and scream. My DH really tries but he doesn't understand, He keeps telly me "yeah but your with me now,," and things like that. I just wish I knew where the rage comes from, what part of me is so angry , and why ,, maybe then I could fix it. And mostly I can't show any emotion but rage, no fear, no crying, no sadness, no happiness, or elation, the only emotion I can ever let any one see is anger.

RuthAnn;

" Never allow yourself to be bullied into silence, never allow yourself to be made a victim, accept NO ones definition of your life , Define yourself."

Its your life Take control of it.


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4/29/13 10:50 P

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You certainly have had a lot of difficult issues to deal with in your life and considering your sister's feelings if she reads your posts is a very kind way to look at it. I'm sure you will make the best decision for both of you because your feelings are equally important.

I found it helpful to share my own story with people who were not involved in the situation but did understand what I was talking about. This way I did not get hurt any further by those who might not understand.

Whatever you decide to do you will find understanding and compassion here. There are no rights or wrongs. Each situation is individual.

Loving thoughts Wispy.

Edited by: -WISPY- at: 4/29/2013 (23:32)
"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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4/29/13 3:17 P

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Wispy : I don't want to exclude my sister ,,, I just know if she reads somethings that I might post, She either won't understand them, or will reject me because of them, or worse , be hurt by them. And then there is this,, she married my 2nd husbands brother some 20 or so years ago, and I did not stay married to my 2nd husband , (which by the way is my daughters dad, who , by the way molested my daughter, another long story there another time.) Any way ,, I left him because I was a drug addict , and was searching for that pot of gold at the end of a rainbow some where like I always did, He wasnt a bad husband to me ,, and didnt molest my daughter till I was long gone from there. But thats my fault too . any way. Maybe it would do her some good to see how life was for me.




RuthAnn;

" Never allow yourself to be bullied into silence, never allow yourself to be made a victim, accept NO ones definition of your life , Define yourself."

Its your life Take control of it.


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4/29/13 9:28 A

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I understand it might be difficult with your sister being on Spark too. You can set your page to private if you like, then she will not be able to read it or find out what teams you belong to.

I find that writing out all the stuff that went on in my life really helpful. In fact it is how I approach any problem I have these days, I write it all down, just the fact of getting it out of my head and down on paper seems to help me feel better.

I am so pleased you have a kind and loving partner nowadays. Have your shared your past life with him so that he understands why you feel the way you do. It is a natural response to being abused in the way you were. I am only qualified to share what has helped me, we are each unique in our own way. The very first thing that helped me was reading a book called Healing from Abuse. Cant even remember the author now. But I was absolutely amazed when I read what could have been my own story written by someone else. It was like she had lived my life. And then I discovered that others who had been abused felt the same way I did. We shared the same fears, anxieties, low self esteem, fear, the whole caboodle that goes with abuse. When I finally left my abusive husband he had nearly killed me. I had left many times and then gone back. This final time I did not expect to see daylight, but it was the final straw for me and I knew I would never go back. The Police were wonderful to me. So kind and suggested how to keep myself safe. They also organised for me to go to a Victim Support Group and this also was such a help. Just being with and chatting to people who had been through similar things, many who had not yet left their abusive partners really helped me to see and understand what was going on.

Therapy does not help everyone it is true, and sometimes it is just that we have not found the right therapist. I know I went through several before I found a person who had been abused herself and worked through it, and she was the person who actually was able to help me get free.

Sometimes offering suggestions is not helpful, especially if we have tried them ourselves and they have not worked. I understand that because friends tried to help me.

Feel free to share whatever you are comfortable with and know that we can listen and understand.



Edited by: -WISPY- at: 4/29/2013 (09:29)
"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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4/29/13 7:17 A

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Hello everyone, Its really hard to talk about this especially now that my youngest sister is on SP now. but i want to give eveyone some background on me.

I come from a family of pedifiles , My dad for one and 2 of my uncles on my moms side. I know my dad was because when i was around 4 or 5 , I walked in on him and my oldest sister who would have been 12 or 13 at the time. , then when I turned 12 , he died in may of that year 1975. My 2 uncles started in on me. My moms brother, raped my in his house , when i was left alone with him because he told his wife i couldn't go to church because I didn't have a dress to wear. naturally he would have to stay behind and baby sit me. After that it happened as often as he could get me alone. Which with my mother was quite frequently.

The other uncle was moms brother in law , married to her only surviving sister. He never penetrated , just mostly was really handsy, touching me , and would do oral on me while gratifiying himself.

Then mom moved a drunkard into the house ,, who actually was after my youngest sister, I offered myself to him to keep him from her. in the end I believe he molested her too but she says otherwise. .

And a note about My Mom , she became a drunkard and was physically and mentally abusive with me since my dad died. I think she took all her frustrations out on me. And she made life miserable for my older 2 sisters too. for the most part but she never physically abused them like she did me. My youngest sister, could do no wrong in her eyes. Me on the other hand she would beat with what ever she could grab within arms length. Once it was a fishing pole with a treble hook on it. Also , in my 20s i was told by my Sister , who is 3 years older than me that all the women in the family knew what was happening to me , They all new it , My mom, my aunts, my sisters, and No one tried to stop it , or help me. And I have been told 5 times by my Family ,, they wish I was dead, or never been born, They wish I would go away and never come back. Every time I leave/move on, and don't contact them , they find a way to contact me , for one reason or a nother. This last time was my Uncles death, whom i have not seen in at least 15 years.

I have gone from man to man,, since age 16, if they were good to me I couldn't stay with them, and I would get the urge to find something more. and end up with an abusive man. Now I am with a Good man, who treats me like a queen , but I am always suspicious of him, and can not be close with him. I don't like hugs, or being touchy feely, , Its like I have a perameter of space around me arms length and really perferr no one be in it. Not even my husband, and truly he is a good man. I know a lot of people with abusive spouses say that and I was one of them for a long time. Really trully my husband is a God send. I am just afraid if I don't find a way to "snuggle, hug and be trusting of him' I am going to loose him.

So there is the jist of my life as a kid. and growing into a woman.

As I said before I am not looking for sympathy or pity ,, just hoping for understanding and some help if possible. ,, and before its suggested ,, i have tried therapy , counseling and a whole host of other psycological things with no success.

Edited by: TMGSGIRL at: 4/29/2013 (07:24)
RuthAnn;

" Never allow yourself to be bullied into silence, never allow yourself to be made a victim, accept NO ones definition of your life , Define yourself."

Its your life Take control of it.


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3/28/13 7:13 P

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Hi there again CJ. Yes the mental and emotional healing are not a quick and easy process.
I went to counselling and joined a group for abused women. Both helped in different way.
I found it amazing and insightful to be with other women who had been through the same stuff. One day after listening to our sharing someone remarked we could have all been married to the same man. It was true. Our stories were so similar in the way we had been treated and the tactics they used to what they wanted. We were totally misused, undervalued, abused and treated like slaves and what was worse we had come to believe we somehow deserved it and it was all our own fault. Being told it over and over - and I had already learnt that in childhood, I just sank lower and lower into self loathing. I really believed I was worthless and I did not deserve to be loved. In fact I believed I was totally unloveable.

So happy you have joined the team. :)

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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3/28/13 2:24 P

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I'll have to try wearing my red bra to cheer myself up, Wispy... Cool idea!

I do know about emotional abuse, myself. It leaves the worst wounds of all--It hurts, still, although the last physical bruise is almost 9 years gone and my broken ribs, painful as they were, have been healed for 16 years. Yet the mental and emotional hell is still roaring away after so long, repeating time and again in my head like a broken record.

"Preserving health by too severe a rule is a worrisome malady."
~Francois de La Rochefoucauld~
(1613 - 1680)


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3/27/13 10:38 P

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Hi there, I've sent you an invitation to The Red Bra Team. Don't be put off by the name, I once bought myself a red bra to cheer myself up during a really bad bout of depression and somehow the team got named that.

We have different life situations in that team, I am the only one there who has been physically, mentally and emotionally abused, the others have different types of problems to deal with, but the fact it is private means that no one other than team members can see what we post. This makes it safe for anyone who wants to keep their issues safe from eyes who might not understand. Mental illness in particular is still very much misunderstood.

So feel free to join if you would like to, or we can keep posting here. Your choice. :)

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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3/27/13 8:34 P

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I talked to Gene tonight. She was glad to talk to me. She had told me that Karen told her she sent me a letter telling me they thought mom had a mini stroke before they knew what her diagnosis was. I told her Karen didn't send me a letter about mom. She understood why I am upset. I called the funeral home to get my pictures taken off the site but my dad has to get them removed. I hope they are removed tomorrow.

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3/27/13 8:29 P

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I talked to Gene tonight. She was glad to talk to me. She had told me that Karen told her she sent me a letter telling me they thought mom had a mini stroke before they knew what her diagnosis was. I told her Karen didn't send me a letter about mom. She understood why I am upset. I called the funeral home to get my pictures taken off the site but my dad has to get them removed. I hope they are removed tomorrow.

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3/27/13 8:25 P

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I talked to Gene tonight. She was glad to talk to me. She had told me that Karen told her she sent me a letter telling me they thought mom had a mini stroke before they knew what her diagnosis was. I told her Karen didn't send me a letter about mom. She understood why I am upset. I called the funeral home to get my pictures taken off the site but my dad has to get them removed. I hope they are removed tomorrow.

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3/27/13 8:27 A

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Thanks wispy. A private thread would be good. It is good you have a private team group too. I know it helps to talk to others who have gone through abuse too because they understand how it feels. Recently I saw pictures of me posted on my mom's memorial book page.One was when I was in the fifth grade and my mom had cut my hair short before that picture was taken to be mean. It was beside a third grade picture of my sister closer to my age. Then there was a picture of my sisters, dad, and mom taken in the 1980s there too. My mom didn't have any pictures of me and the sister close to my age because she destroyed them. We saw her burning our pictures in the kitchen sink when we were kids. Of course she didn't burn the pictures of her favorite daughter Karen. Karen posted current pictures of her and her family with mom and dad on vacation, etc. Current pictures of dad and mom and some other pictures were there of an uncle and her. Even a dog and cat that belongs to the favorite was there. My sister had borrowed the not so recent ones from a family member. How ironic it turned out before the end of my mom's life that she wanted her favorite daughter to buy her a locket and to get a picture with all three of her daughters when we were younger to put in it. She wanted it put around her neck and was buried with it.
I saw memory posts from Karen and mom's favorite grandchild kalina and my dad too. How mom was the greatest mamaw ever. How she might slap a bow on the rotten cat and send it to Bobbie Jo. How that she will try to Gene and them in line but she can't make any promises.lol we call my sister Virginia gene. Mom and her favorite Karen was most
of the problems in our family with their lying. Karen bragged about mom and thanked her on the message board for entrusting her with taking care of her, for letting her and dad live with them, for going on all of her vacations with them,etc. Mom picked a good one alright she picked the one's whose herself and her husband (Karen and parag) was after mom's and dad's house even before she got sick. I can't stand lies and lying and pretending someone was wonderful when they were alive when she wasn't. They may try to fool people but God knows how she was when she was alive.

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3/26/13 11:26 P

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Bobbie Jo, what a lovely name. Yes, I guess people can check up on us if they really want to. If you would prefer to chat on a private thread let me know. I belong to a small private team where most of us have life problems of one kind or another. We have been going for several years and you are more than welcome to join if you would like.

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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3/26/13 4:05 P

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My name is Bobbie Jo my kindle changed it for some reason. It hurts to know that online people can find addresses if they had to but my own family didn't love even a little bit to do that. It is sad also that mom's death didn't change anything where they are concerned. The one closest to my age let me know that lies were being written about me on a social site I am not own and she was straighten it out.

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3/25/13 11:25 P

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Sounds good and positive. I am so happy you have found a loving husband and have a good family now. I know what you mean about holidays. With my abusive husband holidays were always the worst. Don't know why - but he just couldn't seem to cope with them at all. Like you I am so very pleased they are a thing of the past and I no longer have to endure the abuse. Such a relief and looking back I wonder why I could not break free sooner. But that is how it is for a lot of abused people, their self esteem gets whittled away day after day until they feel worthless and that they are to blame. That is how I felt too... what an awful way to live this wonderful life we have been given.

Like you I did not have that subject in school. Hope DH is able to help. :)

Have a good day Bookkeeper.

Edited by: -WISPY- at: 3/25/2013 (23:26)
"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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3/25/13 7:43 P

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Thanks wispy. I am having great days now. I am sleeping good and I haven't had anymore contact with them. I have enjoyed my life with my immediate family before I talked to my sister and will continue to enjoy time with my husband and son now and in the future. I don't want all the stress and drama involved with my sisters and dad. I love peace and want to keep the peace I have without all the mess. When we go on vacation we want to enjoy it not be stressed out by it. Life is too short to be aggravated all the time because of their drama. When I find myself thinking of how they done me I stop thinking about that and think about the positive people in my life now and all the enjoyment they bring to my life. No one can choose who their parents or siblings are. It was love at first site for my husband and myself. I know God and I chose my husband for me. I am looking forward to my son graduating from high school. I know my husband will be glad when he gets through chemistry this year because he is trying to help him understand it. If I had to help him he wouldn't pass it :( because I never had it in school.

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3/24/13 11:43 P

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Hey there bookkeeper, I've finally spelled your name right and gone back and changed the previous mis-spellings. :)

Hope you are having a good day.

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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3/23/13 12:16 A

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Oh Bookkeeper. These are all the things I enjoy to the full. My son's are married now and I have grandchildren and great grandchildren. And it is a joy to be able to stop the cycle and
enjoy the time I am able to spend with them. God is indeed good and I so identify with you in all that your write. For me the key to opening the door to happiness was forgiving the past and wishing them all well. It took many years for me to work through all my stuff and to allow myself to be free of the resentment over how my life had turned out.

But the pain forced me to persevere on the path to forgiveness. It was a long journey with several stages and finally to feel sorrow and pain for those people who caused me pain is such a wonderful feeling. It colours all the other relationships in my life as well. I am so grateful.

Blessings to you and your family.

Edited by: -WISPY- at: 3/24/2013 (23:42)
"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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3/22/13 9:13 A

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I love the life I have with my husband and son. I am looking forward to experiencing all the things that my mom chose to miss out on. I will probably take a picture of my son with his first date and embarrass him. LolI will be at his wedding and cry because he won't be living with us. I will also have happy tears to because later we will have grandchildren. I am not trying to rush it. He is a junior in high school right now. He is shy but he goes to dances at a church a few times a month and enjoys talking to his friends and dancing with girls. They have teachers on some Friday nights that show them the steps to dances from the past like swing dance etc then the kids dance those dances with each other. They have a great time.

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3/22/13 8:23 A

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Thank you wispy. I am sorry that you had abuse in your life too. It is an awful thing that people were or are in our lives that were supposed to be our protectors and show us love and they won't do it. I really miss the things I never got to experience like the closeness I see with other mothers and daughters; sisters with sisters; and dad and daughter. Like having mom be nice and her and dad being at my wedding along with my sisters the way it should have been. I married my husband earlier than we were planning on because of her abuse. I only had a Burger King outfit that I was wearing when I left home. I had to walk that dad to work because my mom wouldn't let me have the keys to my own car. I cried as I walked to Burger King and told them I was quitting work there and I kept walking. I finally caught a ride to a aunt's house and a cousin took me to my husbands now grandparents house. My husband bought me a few clothes and a white dress to get married in. We met at college and he had a little money saved and bought both sets of wedding rings. His family was down in Virginia for Thanksgiving and I had met them one time before this when my husband let them know he wanted to marry me. His family was at our wedding but none of mine were. My sisters still lived at home so they didn't come. Mom was controlling and if she was upset she didn't want any of my sisters or my dad to talk to or see me either. I miss not having a loving mom there when I had my son. My mom wasn't there.

I am so glad that I along with others have forgiven others that have hurt us and finally have closure. I am glad that myself and others here chose to break the abusive cycle and to be the kind of loving people we are to our family and children. I am glad the nightmare dreams have finally stopped. I am glad God gave us such great love and strength to get through all this stuff.

I have written many pages about how I was mistreated by my mom and sisters etc. It has been very helpful to get it out. My son mentioned it to me after seeing me upset. God is Great! I have been sleeping well and I have more peace now that my mom is gone.

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3/22/13 3:00 A

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Bookkeeper, it is so much better to get all the pain out rather than keeping it bottled up. I believe in just writing and writing until I have put down on paper everything I need to say.
It sounds like you have a large family with a lot of unhappy stuff going on, I am so sorry.
Yes I agree with you, forgiveness has played a major part in my own healing from past abuse both as a child and as an adult with an abusive husband.

Thankfully now it is all behind me and I pray that each person who has hurt me in any way may find peace and all the joy I wish for myself. The part in the Bible about forgiving others as we wish to be forgiven for our own wrong doing is very important to me. I grew up with a terrible guilt complex. It took many years to discover the things I was guilty about were in fact not my fault, and guilt is such a dreadful emotion, whether it is real, or only imaginery.
For me the most satisfactory answer is to forgive everyone involved in any situation then I no longer have to worry about the rights or wrongs of it.

Hoping you find peace and many blessings.

Edited by: -WISPY- at: 3/24/2013 (23:42)
"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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3/21/13 6:09 P

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Sorry had to continue post here. My sister had contacted me too. She knew we were coming to see her and her family at Christmas and when we got there her keys were outside in her door lock and her car was in her driveway but she wouldn't answer her door eventhough my son was saying aunt .... it's Eddie and I have presents. My son was 4yrs old then. I cried as we drove away and came back about 20mins later to find her car gone. Years later I contacted her but she wouldn't tell me what was said or what happened with her. So we emailed and talked for a couple of weeks. She said she was looking forward to me calling her. I called her three times the day I was supposed to call and it rang and rang. She never called me again and didn't email me to say sorry I Didn't get your call because of .... I haven't seen her in 10 yrs and it was probably because of lies told to her by my youngest sister and my mom.

A policeofficer came to my house on March 6, 2013. My husband asked what it was about and I saw the policeofficer she asked if Bonnie Jo ... lived there and I said that's me. She
wantedme to call my nephew while she was there. My husband asked why she had to stay and she said it was about a passing. I found out my mom died that day. She had been sick for 2 yrs with als and I Didn't know she was sick. My youngest sister knew my address but eventhough she had it nobody in my family ever made things right with me while mom was alive including mom. They didn't even write so I could know that she was sick. My sister's are on facebook and other sites updating pictures but couldn't take 10 minutes to write me about it or for my other sister and nephew to look it up nonlinear eventhough they had my address in the past when I sent some games and Dvds to my sister and nephews. My mom told them to ask me for forgiveness for her and ask for closure. I have closure now that she is gone. I don't miss her at all. I have no regrets etc. I never hit her or pushed her etc even while being abused by her. My youngest sister is so bad that she wrote somethings on the outside of my mom's funneral home obituary envelope trying to make me feel guilty for not seeing her (my mom) for years. I had the most anger I have ever had in all my life and had all of those terrible memories come back again. I have prayed about needing help for all of this and what tori.
I talked to the sister 2 yrs younger than me and my dad after mom's death. I didn't go to the funeral and my youngest sister made the arrangements for that herself eventhough my other sister wanted to help with it. Anyway my youngest sister didn't return phone calls from my mom's sisters and brother's about how she was doing after they found out her diagnosis. Then she told my dad family not to come she was going tori a memory memorial for my mom this summer for them. Both sides of the family is upset and my mom's sister told the sister closer to my age that my youngest sister told her that I didn't want anything to do with my mom's family and my other sister said that wasn't true. My youngest sister and mom lied to my dads people too and acted like it was my fault that I hadn't come around in yrs. I prayed for them when mom was alive and cried over the yrs for my dad and one sister. I continue to pray for myself and others. I asked God if I wasn't supposed to be around them etc to give me a blank feeling for them and it would be easier for me that way to heal as much as possible. I let my sister know this when she called. When I told her the few steps it would take to find my address she said she had to go and I said when she thinks of me remember how they treated me over the years and how they had all those yrs to make it right and didn't. Then she hung up on me. I pray that God takes care of it. His ways are better than mine. I am very sad that I have a family like that. They have always treated strangers better than me. It hurts knowing that none of them cared. I had always hoped I would find out I was adopted but unfortunatel
y I wasn't. So they can write all the sweet poems that make strangers believe they are sweet etc but I know and God knows how they treated me. My youngest sister even lied to her to bes
husband before they were married telling them I was a psychologist when I wasn't and I told them I worked at a daycare place with children. She told my other sister was happily married when she had been divorced for years. My youngest sister needs to quit lying. Sorry for the rant.

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3/21/13 5:26 P

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My name is Bobbie Jo my kindle changed it for some reason. It hurts to know that online people can find addresses if they had to but my own family didn't love even a little bit to do that. It is sad also that mom's death didn't change anything where they are concerned. The one closest to my age let me know that lies were being written about me on a social site I am not own and she was straighten it out.

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3/21/13 5:03 P

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Sorry had to continue post here. My sister had contacted me too. She knew we were coming to see her and her family at Christmas and when we got there her keys were outside in her door lock and her car was in her driveway but she wouldn't answer her door eventhough my son was saying aunt .... it's Eddie and I have presents. My son was 4yrs old then. I cried as we drove away and came back about 20mins later to find her car gone. Years later I contacted her but she wouldn't tell me what was said or what happened with her. So we emailed and talked for a couple of weeks. She said she was looking forward to me calling her. I called her three times the day I was supposed to call and it rang and rang. She never called me again and didn't email me to say sorry I Didn't get your call because of .... I haven't seen her in 10 yrs and it was probably because of lies told to her by my youngest sister and my mom.

A policeofficer came to my house on March 6, 2013. My husband asked what it was about and I saw the policeofficer she asked if Bonnie Jo ... lived there and I said that's me. She
wantedme to call my nephew while she was there. My husband asked why she had to stay and she said it was about a passing. I found out my mom died that day. She had been sick for 2 yrs with als and I Didn't know she was sick. My youngest sister knew my address but eventhough she had it nobody in my family ever made things right with me while mom was alive including mom. They didn't even write so I could know that she was sick. My sister's are on facebook and other sites updating pictures but couldn't take 10 minutes to write me about it or for my other sister and nephew to look it up nonlinear eventhough they had my address in the past when I sent some games and Dvds to my sister and nephews. My mom told them to ask me for forgiveness for her and ask for closure. I have closure now that she is gone. I don't miss her at all. I have no regrets etc. I never hit her or pushed her etc even while being abused by her. My youngest sister is so bad that she wrote somethings on the outside of my mom's funneral home obituary envelope trying to make me feel guilty for not seeing her (my mom) for years. I had the most anger I have ever had in all my life and had all of those terrible memories come back again. I have prayed about needing help for all of this and what tori.
I talked to the sister 2 yrs younger than me and my dad after mom's death. I didn't go to the funeral and my youngest sister made the arrangements for that herself eventhough my other sister wanted to help with it. Anyway my youngest sister didn't return phone calls from my mom's sisters and brother's about how she was doing after they found out her diagnosis. Then she told my dad family not to come she was going tori a memory memorial for my mom this summer for them. Both sides of the family is upset and my mom's sister told the sister closer to my age that my youngest sister told her that I didn't want anything to do with my mom's family and my other sister said that wasn't true. My youngest sister and mom lied to my dads people too and acted like it was my fault that I hadn't come around in yrs. I prayed for them when mom was alive and cried over the yrs for my dad and one sister. I continue to pray for myself and others. I asked God if I wasn't supposed to be around them etc to give me a blank feeling for them and it would be easier for me that way to heal as much as possible. I let my sister know this when she called. When I told her the few steps it would take to find my address she said she had to go and I said when she thinks of me remember how they treated me over the years and how they had all those yrs to make it right and didn't. Then she hung up on me. I pray that God takes care of it. His ways are better than mine. I am very sad that I have a family like that. They have always treated strangers better than me. It hurts knowing that none of them cared. I had always hoped I would find out I was adopted but unfortunatel
y I wasn't. So they can write all the sweet poems that make strangers believe they are sweet etc but I know and God knows how they treated me. My youngest sister even lied to her to bes
husband before they were married telling them I was a psychologist when I wasn't and I told them I worked at a daycare place with children. She told my other sister was happily married when she had been divorced for years. My youngest sister needs to quit lying. Sorry for the rant.

Edited by: BOOKKEEPER1 at: 3/21/2013 (18:04)
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3/21/13 3:44 P

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I do believe in forgiveness because it helps us the children whom were abused. I forgave my mom years ago in my heart for all the physical emotional and verbal abuse that she gave to me in my childhood. Some emotional and verbal abuse continued with her towards me even after I got married and had my son. I haven't seen her or my dad for 13 years because she was a controlling and abusive woman. We would drive over 400 miles to see them when we were going down there and my mom along with my youngest sister would lie to my sister that is 2 years younger than me to make her mad at me. I haven't seen my youngest sister in 13 years because of her lying and her husband and her sending me some very hurtful emails. Before they got hateful with me she was bragging about how great our mom was and I couldn't stand that lie and told in the email that mom loved her the most and always treated her better than she did with my other sister and me. I told her about all of the abuse mom put me and my other sister through. She knows she did because she was living at home too during that time. After that my sister and her husband wrote awful things to me in an email. When we used to visit on holidays instead of it being a happy peaceful time my mom would start trouble between us at her kitchen table. She would tell her son in laws that her other son in laws were talked about them and make up lies to make them mad at each other. Then she would make up lies and tell us her three daughters those things to make us mad at each other. So I decided enough was enough and didn't go see them. I told the sister that. Is closer to my age and my younger sister that she was lying and don't listen to her. I told the sister closer to my age to not to listen to mom's or my younger sister's lies but she listened. To them anyway. In the past I was still talking to my sister 2 yrs younger than me when I wasn't.talking or seeing the other for a few years. We were okay as far as I knew and I was calling her and snailing her andshe

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11/15/12 9:19 P

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That is great news Emmy, I am not in agreement with those who "forgive and forgot" either. They are usually those who have not suffered themselves so are unaware of how much we suffer.

I am however a great believer in forgiveness being a very large part of my own healing and thankfully for me this means it is now something that is no longer a bad part of my memories. The only time I speak of it is to help others and I am blessed to be able to do in many areas of my life.

Living in a state of forgiveness for wrongs I have done to others and forgiveness to others for the harm they may have done to me is actually the cornerstone of my whole new way of living and being. I also realise what has happened to me in my life has made me into a more caring and compassionate person. Not only for those who have been abused, but for those who have become abusers.

Edited by: -WISPY- at: 11/15/2012 (21:23)
"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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11/15/12 12:27 A

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Emmy, that is so great. We know there a lot of survivors out there, and many have no connection to others and feel alone and lost. That's one reason I'm not a fan of the "forgive and forget" school. Those of us who are healing owe it to those who have only begun or don't know how to let them know it can be done, there is hope, we can change and create joyful lives.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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11/14/12 11:25 P

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OMG I can't stand to watch Law & Order SVU it triggers and it is depressing and yes food does follow. My mom and husband love police type shows like this i hate them. Give me Hallmark or love stories and I'm happy i love happy sappy stories or stories with families that are "normal" or at least as norm as they can be i don't live in abubbble and think all is happy and gay but i'd rather see a sappy flick then gorish or what i lived. I also love Music so i get into the music type shows etc.

I foudn sharing my story has really helped me more now so i'm not so scared. I recently spoke at one of my weightloss group about my binge therapy and opened up no major details but enough for them to know how it effected my binging. it really helps because i have a voice as to b4 i didn't. I was asked to speak at another group in January.

I know i'm not alone and if i touch one person each time i speak to a group and let them know it's okay it's worht it.

Emmy
Biggest Loser Pink Team Co-Leader
"Your Fitness is 100% MENTAL! Your body WON'T GO, where your MIND doesn't PUSH IT!!"

Rogue Run Half Marathon 2012, Medford Oregon 9/23/2012 4hrs 20 mins - 19:55
Rogue Run Half Marathon 2013 Time: 4:04:34 Pace: 18:41
Holiday Half 2013 Time: 4:02:06 Pace: 18:11
Vernonia Half 4-13-2014 - Attempted with Asthma - unable to complete - blisters and Asthma attack. Completed 8 miles and was extremely happy i was able to do that. Consid


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11/5/12 3:58 P

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We started this thread so that everyone can say what they needed to say, so Im pleased you decided to stay away from it Gabby if it triggers you.

We need to have a place to share whatever we need to share without fear of upsetting others and this is that place. Safe for all.

I too seldom watch the news even as my life is much happier not knowing about all the bad stuff that happens world wide. No wonder really that everyone suffers with stress these days when we feed all that negativity into our subconscious. I prefer positive and uplifting things to make the day go with a zing and I watch lots of comedy programmes. There are so many good ones and over here we are currently getting all the old British reruns which I remember and love. My little one enjoys some kids tv as well, especially the one with the bear family. Cant remember the name of it for the moment.



"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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11/4/12 6:02 P

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Thanks, Amanda--I will check it out!

Try harder--in everything that you do!

If the mind mends, the body will follow.

Gluten free is working for me!

"I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, 'If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.'" --Kurt Vonnegut



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11/4/12 5:47 P

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I gave up cop shows long ago, because of the constant violence and cruelty portrayed. I've been watching some Numb3rs episodes through my Blockbuster online, cuz more cerebral--I enjoy the application of math to solve real world problems.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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11/4/12 4:00 P

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Law and Order SUV did not help me at all, even though it is a well down program.

My therapist tells me to avoid all that stuff. Even if it doesn't trigger you immediately, all that stuff can build up in your system, and still be a not so great result in the end.

I've had to switch to silly stuff, like South Park, where I can watch T & P (Terrance & Phillip) pass gas on each other, and all the South Park kids laughing! I said I liked Squidbillies, but that show can get kind of gross/violent too, and I just don't need to see it.

emoticon to you. I hope you and everyone is having a wonderful Sunday! The skies are clear and bright here, and sis & I went to the mall to pick up a couple of things before it got too crowded. :)

Try harder--in everything that you do!

If the mind mends, the body will follow.

Gluten free is working for me!

"I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, 'If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.'" --Kurt Vonnegut



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GABBY308's Photo GABBY308 Posts: 7,936
11/4/12 1:46 P

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I don't usually check this topic because once someone posted something that triggered me but I'm so glad to see you are sharing here.

@Rickismom - From reading these posts I now know what you are going ,which I didn't from that other topic on how your day is going. I didn't realize why you were sitting in the hospital. I agree with Wispy. I hope that you try a support group like Al Anon.

I watched Law and Order SUV the other night and I realized the next day when I was trying to figure out why I ate everything in sight the evening before that the TV program must have triggered something in me. So I have to add that show to my list of things to avoid.






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11/2/12 8:00 P

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It is that first step that is always the hardest. Once we are able to open up to just one person and find out we are not alone, it is the most wonderful feeling in the world. It allowed me to begin the journey to rejoining the human race.

With regard to the praying for others, when I started I used to grit my teeth almost and just do it, because that was the advice that was given me. I was told it did not matter how much I did not want to do it, the act of just doing it was bringing my will into the Univerals/God will. It is not what we think that define us, but what we are actually doing in our lives. I am who I am by my words and actions. By sharing myself I am opening up more and more and allowing others to know me and thus getting to know myself. Fear of rejection is such a big motivator in keeping us shut up inside ourselves. As my self liking began to grow and I began to understand myself and others the fear of what they would think of me disappeared. Today I like me in fact love myself. I have been damaged and have overcome the things that took away my individual identity. I am happy and contented to be me these days with no desire to be anyone else - a thing that used to dog my footsteps. I would rather have been anyone else, or so I thought. :)

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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11/2/12 11:40 A

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Thanks for sharing, Amanda. For me, talking about it with a therapist group allowed me to have a life. Before that my self esteem was so low, I actually believed that I could not even operate a cash register. After two 10 week group sessions, I proceeded with my life, completed a certificate to help in my career, and excelled in my chosen career path.

I know that I would not have accomplished anything without first telling my story. It is a hard path, but so worth it

emoticon to all.

Try harder--in everything that you do!

If the mind mends, the body will follow.

Gluten free is working for me!

"I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, 'If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.'" --Kurt Vonnegut



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11/2/12 12:55 A

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One of the most courageous actions is to talk about what happened--with a therapist or a group. Many of us tend to hide, and those of us abused as children were usually given the message "don't tell." When you finally share your story and tell the truth, it can be a first step in releasing the intense emotions connected with those memories. And in my case talking about the incest with a therapist brought an end to the regular bouts of laryngitis I used to suffer.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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11/1/12 8:35 P

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I worked it through with some good therapy, and a lot of self talk. I am near the stage that Wispy is at now--actually wishing good thoughts to the persons. I am still working on that stage though.

My healing first started when I first shared my story to a group designed to support those with issues like mine. Many years later, I received one on one therapy from a person experienced in cognitive behavioral therapy. I may seek out different types of therapy like dance therapy; see below link:

www.adta.org/Default.aspx?pageId=459
92
3


I will do anything to get better, bit by bit, as it took me a while to realize this, but you know? I am worth it.

You are worth it too.

Even sharing on this board may be the start of your healing. We are here for you, and there is a lot help out there for you, too.

emoticon

Try harder--in everything that you do!

If the mind mends, the body will follow.

Gluten free is working for me!

"I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, 'If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.'" --Kurt Vonnegut



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11/1/12 8:01 P

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For me it took a lot of time working it through, and its not so much Ive let it go, as that Ive come to understand and accept what has happened in the past and also finally to forgive. Forgive does not mean I see the abusers any longer. I respect myself too much to allow myself to be abused by anyone these days. But I wish them all the love, healing, joy and peace that I wish for myself. I do this because it brings me freedom and peace - not to be a "good person". :)

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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11/1/12 6:48 P

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Today I was watching a video blog about a woman who used to be emotionally abused by her ex. She let it go instead of replaying his words in her head. How brave! How courageous! I wish I had her courage. So many abusers and how could I just let it go? I envy her.


BELIEVE


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11/1/12 4:32 P

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Keeping my fingers crossed for you. emoticon

Try harder--in everything that you do!

If the mind mends, the body will follow.

Gluten free is working for me!

"I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, 'If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.'" --Kurt Vonnegut



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11/1/12 2:17 P

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Well, the grocery store worked ot but not much else. He begs for money on the street and goes buys drink. 2 DS's are coming tonight to try and convince him to admit himself to care. Once he is there we will try to get a court-ordered hospitalization (on basis that he keeps falling, and thus he is a danger to himself), but, frankly, I doubt we will get that.If not, he will be out in a day or two. But it is worth trying....

please call me *Rickismom*, I'm most comfortable with that.....
I am an American living in Israel , and have lost over 75 kilos.
Member of Panthers Team BLC 20,21,22,23
* * * *
Don't worry needlessly: "Let Go and Let G-d"
BLOG: beneaththewings.blogspot.co.il/


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10/31/12 7:37 P

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Thanks Rikismom!

I figured that should the person show up on my property, I will tell them to that are not invited, and to leave or I will call the police.

Hope things work out for you, too.

Try harder--in everything that you do!

If the mind mends, the body will follow.

Gluten free is working for me!

"I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, 'If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.'" --Kurt Vonnegut



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10/31/12 4:26 A

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I have learned that usually (USUALLY) people who do peeping toms, threaten with yells, and the like are very insecure inside. (If my husband could control me, he wouldn't have to yell!) Threatening to call the police, or actually calling them if applicable (ie, if they will do something) often will take care of the situation. Its like we are scared of this big angry monster, but when we finally get the courage to blow on him, we discover that it was just a flimsy thin paper stage prop..........

Today I am cancelling our charge account in the local grocery, and making a new one under only my name (its easier to charge and pay every two weeks. If I have money in my purse, my husband will likely steal it.). That way he can't charge vodka bottles to the family grocery bill....

please call me *Rickismom*, I'm most comfortable with that.....
I am an American living in Israel , and have lost over 75 kilos.
Member of Panthers Team BLC 20,21,22,23
* * * *
Don't worry needlessly: "Let Go and Let G-d"
BLOG: beneaththewings.blogspot.co.il/


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10/30/12 3:20 A

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Becca I certainly agree that things do seem to go in cycles, that is definitely true in my life as well. Just when you think you cant take one more thing going wrong, several more all come in quick succession. But I do think it shows us in fact how strong we really are, and what we can cope with when we have to. You are doing just great with all the stuff you are facing up to.

Confrontation is a valuable skill to learn that's for sure - and one I still work on in some areas which are difficult for me. I think it's perhaps like many other things, we have to learn the skill, just like learning the alphabet, but it then becomes part of a much bigger picture.

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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10/30/12 1:36 A

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Ladies, I chose to stand up for myself recently. I was really scared of what would happen. My sis told me to not be afraid, and that she was proud of me. I had to listen to a lot of angry messages on my voicemail today, but so far so good. My therapist wanted me to confront this person, too, and said that especially with my past, it was important for me to confront. I was/am a bit scared of the fallout, but on the other hand, I need to stand up for myself, especially when it is a boundary violation.

Trust...sigh....what a difficult concept. I do try to trust, but I realize that I probably cannot trust people unless they are very close to me, and sometimes, that can go haywire, too.

Too many things happening in such a short period of time--fraud-had to get a new credit card & dispute the charges, a bit of cyber stalking--that was really (not!) fun, the perv coming alongside my house again, and then having to confront what is essentially a bully who took advantage of me when I was very ill. All of this happened within the past couple of months.

I do positive affirmations, and really work hard to stay positive. I usually attract a lot of good in my life, but these scenarios are just a series of "blips" in the universe. My brother says that the universe will cr*p and cr*p on you, and just when you think you can't take it anymore, then the universe will reward you with good things again and again. In other words, all this stuff happens in cycles.

I hope to get back to the good again. A lot of good has happened this year, even with the other stuff. Ah well....

Try harder--in everything that you do!

If the mind mends, the body will follow.

Gluten free is working for me!

"I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, 'If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.'" --Kurt Vonnegut



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