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6/29/17 1:25 A

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The whole unit is gearing up for mass moving of our cubicles. There's a little confusion over whether the construction will be done this weekend or next. But they'll be tearing down cubicle walls, taking out equipment and stacking boxes of cube contents (necessary to label w/ name and work station number) in order to rebuild with a smaller "footprint" for each work area. I brought more stuff home today, since we'll have less storage and wall space for personal items.

I got 3 new accounts to work for Collections. I had been down to 2 from 8, then 2 more for a total of 10. One moved out of our region, 1 needs to be closed (owner deceased), 2 never replied to phone messages or mailed statements--so will have legal proceedings begun (by a real revenue agent, not me).The other 6 paid off their balances, 3 even before I gained access and could have them officially transferred to me! The 3 new ones even have email, which makes it easy to send statements and links for filing reports and paying online.

I have 2 typed pages of supplemental question responses for the college job. One more question to go, then cover letter. No word yet from my last 2 apps. I'll just keep sending these applications out with my prayers, and hope the right person recognizes all that I offer and really sees ME in an interview. A little more Sparking, a little more reading, and off to bed! Wishing all a restful night and a successful and productive Thursday!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (198,110)
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6/28/17 1:18 A

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So happy with the cooler temps this week. I'm not letting the lack of a budget & possible layoff get me down. Exercising, working on a new application, reading, staying as stress free as I can.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (198,110)
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6/26/17 1:03 A

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Got my hair trimmed at 11 today. Car temp read 78 when I got in, 84 when I got to the mall just 2 or 3 miles away. Then to Costco, Safeway and Trader Joe's. By 2:30 as I was leaving TJ's, the car temp gauge reported 95. At around 7, according to weather.com my ZIP code was 89, and ~9 or 9:30 that had dropped to 80. It's only supposed to reach 75 tomorrow-- emoticon

i got my application finished an submitted this evening--pulled it off in 2 days, having just learned of the opportunity on Friday at work! This week I'll work on a college one due on 6/30. Starting to make plans with sister for our 6-pack trip down and back from Oregon. I did an early workout this morning; hoped to do a stretching routine this evening, but I've run out of steam. Heading to bed soon. Have a restful night, everyone!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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6/24/17 3:17 P

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I am *so* happy I got my one big chore done--laundry before it got too hot. Did 3 loads washing & drying (& running up and down [well, walking!] 2 flights of stairs each time. emoticon
I just checked and it's 79 at noon. Projected high is 88 today. 92 tomorrow & then down to 75 on Monday-- emoticon Then a string of mid-70 temps until 7/8 when it goes into the low 80s. Of course the forecast may change, but it's nice to know the heat is not expected to last long. I've got 3 fans going in the apartment.

It's unusual, given the weather, that I'm making soup, but I've run out of salad fixings (tomorrow is grocery day) & I have veggies to use up. Once I've had brunch (yep, pretty hungry here), I'll probably take a nap, then start on some organizing and working on the next application. Wishing everyone an emoticon Saturday!
***********************************
Got all the laundry put away, and switched short sleeve tops to the higher rod & the long sleeves to the lower one in the closet. I have the supplemental questions completed, & will do my cover letter tomorrow. And since this is an internal Collections position, I'll need to revise my resume to indicate my new Collections training and working with accounts.

Edited by: BLESSEDBEING at: 6/25/2017 (00:50)
Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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MISSDORKNESS's Photo MISSDORKNESS SparkPoints: (68,321)
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6/22/17 12:09 P

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Dreamer, Good for you.
We were able to visit our son again last night and he was paying attention to the sessions going on around him and I really like some of the tools and perspective and reassurances they're giving the kids.

BB, Thanks. I can believe it. His ego is the most important thing. He's been going around to everyone smack talking me and saying I'm trying to rip him away from his child by making up stories. And now I've lost weight I'm clearly leaving him to marry another man, after he sacrified his career to advance mine (um, yeah, refusing to look for work isn't really a sacrifice, pal).
BUT, I haven't said diddly to anyone. I'm not going to. Let him tell his story. I can make new friends if they don't see through him.
I'm trying. I did not come even close to making my calorie goal yesterday and will try a little harder today. Even if I don't, I'm still taking my vitamins and supplements and cut back on caffeine to reduce my heart rate and sleep better. Trying to do meditation exercises.
My company is being supportive, with what little I've told them.

Oh, that's awful about the politicians. Funny how that works, isn't it? Everyone wastes time and suffers, except them.

Not all those who wander are lost


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6/21/17 11:54 P

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Dreamer, do what you need to to take care of YOU--that's your job #1. Hope you find some peace and equanimity soon.

Miss D, I cannot believe a man would let his own pride or insecurities or whatever get in the way of getting his child the professional help and support they need. Glad the school and hospital are involved, and he can't sweep this away. Same advice goes: take care of YOU!

Hope the heat breaks, and that you all keep your sanity, Amy. I am so thankful for my portable a/c unit for when the inside temps hit the high 80s or 90s--it runs up quite a bill, but I can actually sleep! And thanks for your positive thoughts for all of us.

Oh, inviting prayers that our stupid legislators pass a budget here in Washington. All state employees will be getting pink slips this week, because the politicians are playing their games, and after voting *themselves* a pay raise, they don't want to fund our contracts for modest increases and an attempt to stem the tide of workers leaving state employment because they can't afford to stay. I really want to see the voters pass some laws penalizing these idiots for causing a huge waste in money and time as every agency has had to create contingency plans for how to handle a government shutdown. And if we do shut down on July 1, I want them automatically banned from holding public office again! They do this every few years, and it is infuriating.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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DREAMERSPIRITT's Photo DREAMERSPIRITT Posts: 591
6/21/17 9:20 P

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Dorkness, I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. I hope things start looking up soon!


I've hit the end of my rope. I'm starting an intensive outpatient psychiatric program on Friday, because of how difficult it is for me to cope with everything right now. I'm just so exhausted.

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MISSDORKNESS's Photo MISSDORKNESS SparkPoints: (68,321)
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6/21/17 4:31 P

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Alright, first family therapy session down.
Apparently, I'm a liar.

Aaaand, apparently I'm physically abusive, because I accidentally gave our son a swollen eye when he was 18 months old.
Oh, who knew this was coming the second I told anyone about his violent outbursts? Oh yeah...
ME.
www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_jo
ur
nal_individual.asp?blog_id=6321053

Here's an excerpt from that blog, and one of the standard abuse screening questions:


They're going to keep him likely 7 days.

I want him with me, but, let's face it, he was eager to get back to group session time and slept great last night, so I'm just as content for him to stay there. Let the kid have a break.

I'm just happy it was my ex who decided to take him to the hospital. It was not me. Ex has resisted all forms of therapy and got mad when he realized I'd signed him up to see one in secret two years ago, but, this was his call.

He's sweating buckets now. Getting desperate.

Not all those who wander are lost


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6/21/17 12:57 P

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Glad your doctor is willing to be open minded instead of blowing you off like a lot do.

Thanks, I have done what I can.

So, our youngest was checked into the hospital last night. He had another episode at school, getting frustrated with others and saying anything to upset people, then immediately forgetting about it (sorry to say, just like his father does). The school has procedures in place, laws to abide by, so, he could not go back to school until he was evaluated professionally. After the evaluation, they decided to check him in.
My soon-to-be-ex-husband is pretty upset by it all. He thinks I'm just trying to blame him. I have not said anything like that to any of the medical professionals, though. I just want the kid to learn some better coping skills, because no one wants to be friends with him for long because of his outbursts, no matter how friendly and funny he is the rest of the time. If the doctors draw their own conclusions, so be it. But, he's wanted to keep our son out of therapy and got so mad at me when he found out I'd signed him up to see one two years ago.

Not all those who wander are lost


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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 1,317
6/21/17 1:15 A

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This week has been a bit nuts. We are in a heat wave and the local electric company has declared "smart days" where they limit the electricity going to the house throughout the day. so all day the lights flickered, fans and a/c were running at half capacity. All day the house temperature was in the 90's, which was worrying because of my pets. Because my complex used to be seniors only there are a lot of seniors here who really struggled today. Fortunately the kids sitter, who lives in a better area of town, did not have this issue, but she may in the next few days if things don't cool down!

I posted a meme about inflammation in abuse survivors. I actually brought this to the attention of my doctor, since I seem to have a lot more joint pain lately. Because he and the Nurse Practitioner know my history, he didn't discount it. Instead he said that I may be onto something.

I am a little envious of all of you who are getting your dental issues taken care of. I've had a dental phobia since I was a little kid. One bad dentist when I was 5 has affected me ever since.

Amanda, Solstice blessings! I'm putting it out there in the Universe that you find balance by getting work that is satisfying financially and emotionally.

Miss Dorkness, I saw what you posted about what your soon to be Ex is claiming financially. All I can say is document, document, document, and then sit back and have the last laugh!

Dreamer, I can not imagine how frustrating it is to deal with this woman's addiction. I'm putting it out to the Universe for your fiancÚ and you to get some balance as well.



What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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6/21/17 1:09 A

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I thoroughly enjoyed my massage. She started with a peppermint scalp massage (that was the aromatherapy scent I chose--which she does at no extra charge (unlike the massage place where I met her, which charges an extra $10). Very relaxing! And almost as good as the massage itself was the incentive to clean--not only did I clear the living room floor, but I vacuumed that and the bedroom in case she preferred that location, though with the big balcony windows and french door, the light is much better in the living room, where she did set up. I'm loving the clean and spacious look! Naturally I took a nap soon after she left!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (198,110)
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6/20/17 1:56 A

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That's got to be hard. I can look in from the outside and say "Stop supporting her habit" or "Just say no." There are other ways to manage pain, & it's not likely she'll make any effort to change as long as she keeps getting what she wants. I hope you and your fiance can come to agreement on what's acceptable behavior and what isn't, and to jointly set some boundaries. If she can't live alone, can some sort of care be set up? Any social services available? Please keep taking steps to take care of yourself.

I had hoped to take the Solstice off, but I really want to get a massage, and my therapist had commitments on Wednesday. So I'm off tomorrow, and she'll be coming by at noon. I have some cleaning to do before then, to create space in the living room for her table. Can't wait!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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DREAMERSPIRITT's Photo DREAMERSPIRITT Posts: 591
6/19/17 11:25 A

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I'm exhausted on so many levels.

My fiance's mom is an abusive addict. I just posted a long blog about this, but the short version is this...

There is a messed-up power dynamic between my fiance and their mom. The mom has some mesdical issues, and she milks them. My fiance "needs" to live with her because she's not well enough to live on her own (that may be true, but it may not be, I don't know.) She "needs" marijuana because of her medical issues (BS!!!) so she smokes away the rent, grocery money, medical copays, car payments, gas money, etc. My fiance works, but doesn't make enough to cover all of these expenses that the mother can't cover.

This comes back to bite me in the butt and has contributed to my ongoing financial struggles. I don't touch the big expenses (rent, car stuff, etc.) but have always ensured my fiance was fed and medicated. I am low-income, I have very little in savings, and I am between jobs. I can't keep doing this. The mother doesn't care that I do these things. No "thank you", no "sorry I smoked all the money away so you had to ensure my child was fed", nothing. Hell, she has the audacity to ask further financial favors of me! NO!

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6/19/17 1:44 A

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Did the gas and groceries for the week, before meeting up with sis to exchange a book and get the detailed commencement story.
emoticon
Paid a couple bills nice and on time, used 2 Barnes and Nobles coupons on the last day--one for a gift, one for me, and caught up all my money tracking. (I'm having quite a bit of fun playing with numbers! Tresa said she wished more of her clients would find the tracking fun and entertaining!)
emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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6/17/17 1:30 A

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When I got home, I checked my email and saw a message from DOL asking for my license plate number. I sent that, then checked my online banking, and the duplicate payment was gone; they are processing just a single payment. So emoticon

When cleaning out my overhead at work, I found some work keys that had gone missing 1-2 years ago! So glad they weren't lost at home. My manager helped me finally get some clear plastic (Lucite-like) document holders affixed around the office to hold Wellness flyers. So we got the 8 put up, all with flyers about men's health (with stats like 1 in 2 men will get cancer during their lives, and only half as many men as women make doctor appointments for preventive care). And I changed out the bulletin board from April's Distracted Driving theme to Men's Health for June. (Late, I know emoticon )

And I did a few timer sessions this evening, and recaptured my 2 kitchen OOs! emoticon emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (198,110)
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6/15/17 11:35 P

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Dreamer, I do not envy you. Actually I'll be sending lots of positive and relaxing energy your way. I went into a dissociative state once during a dental procedure, so when I had a root canal a couple years ago, my sister came along (bless her!) to keep me grounded. It went okay, but was definitely uncomfortable. Hope you have a good person doing the work, who will do what they can to minimize discomfort.
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MissD, I'm so excited for you--how marvelous to be so close to your goal!
emoticon
This time it didn't take me a full hour to get to the Bellevue office in the morning--just 55 minutes to travel 15 miles. Came back in pretty heavy rain in the early afternoon, got off 2 exits early and picked up lunch at Uwajimaya, and swung by the emissions testing station, where I had absolutely no wait--for the first time (we do it every 2 years, so this was probably my 5th time). And I barely got 2 bites eaten and he was done, and I had passed emoticon Of course, when I renewed my tabs online this evening, I ran into a technical problem, and checking my bank account later, I saw I have 2 identical payments processing for the renewal. I emailed their customer service group asking if the duplicate payment will be cancelled/reversed, or if I have to request a refund. The good thing is my finances are doing better, and this won't be a hardship.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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6/15/17 5:45 P

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dreamerspiritt, ugh, I feel you! I need to go in and see the dentist badly. I had root canals after giving birth to my oldest, and the caps started cracking back in 2011. I couldn't afford to get them done, and by the time I could? well, I just didn't care.

Good luck on getting everything fixed up ship shape.

I'm pretty excited right now. My TOM is over and I dropped a couple pounds and now I'm only 5lbs from goal! A part of me never thought I'd make it this far. I haven't been this light since before I got married.

Not all those who wander are lost


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DREAMERSPIRITT's Photo DREAMERSPIRITT Posts: 591
6/15/17 5:24 P

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Thank you!!! I'm having a root canal next month and I am NOT excited about that...

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6/15/17 1:08 A

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Good luck with the dentist, Dreamer! emoticon

They were starting the demo work when I left tonight--stayed to clear a bit more stuff. Also remembered to grab a couple items to take to Bellevue tomorrow morning. I'm helping out while they have their staff meeting. That means I'm going to try to leave an hour early to travel the 14 miles to their office--yep, that's how long it takes during commute time! I may see about getting my emissions test on the way back to my office; I won't be staying the whole day, but coming back around lunch time.
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Took care of a few little tasks, and tested out my new adjustable dumbbells. I've added a single 1.25 weight to each one, making them 3.75 each--just a little bit up from the 3# ones I bought at Target a while back. Want to do a little more Sparking, then finish the Trek episode "The Changeling" and get to bed.
emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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6/14/17 5:18 P

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Good luck MissDorkness! You've GOT this!!!


Today I had my second of many appointments to have cavities filled.

I know I can't blame everything on my ex, but when I was with him I was so depressed all the time... my mouth got the double-whammy of neglect (I was too depressed to see the dentist or take good care of my teeth) and medication (there's a correlation between antidepressants and poor dental health.) In hindsight I really should have taken better care of my teeth, but what's done is done. I'll just have to do better going forward.

It's a pain in the butt, but at least it's fixable...

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6/14/17 1:14 A

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I love your closing comment, Every day gets you closer to the end-- emoticon

Things are ramping up at work getting ready for the demolition, then reconfiguration of our front counter, and eventual rearranging of the whole Customer Service area. We will all end up moving, as they downsize our cubicles and increase the size of our counter from 4 way-to-close-to-each-other stations to 6 stations with 5 feet in between. I've been sorting through old papers and files for many weeks, and we'll all be losing overhead compartments and much of our in-cubicle filing options.

I had my second Collections training session with the lead who gave me a few small accounts to work. We were reviewing some of the accounts, and found a couple had paid after I left messages or emailed, even though they never contacted me as requested. So they've been marked "PIF" for paid in full, and taken out of Collections, which is success. And one fellow I called while the lead stepped away, called back and promised to take care of his balance. Within an hour after our meeting concluded, Kim emailed me to report they had already paid the balance online! So another completed--yay!

At home caught up with my financial tracking from the past week, and contacted my favorite massage therapist to see about scheduling a Solstice massage--I'm wanting to take the day off, but want to be sure she's available. Fingers crossed!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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6/13/17 11:07 A

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Wow, Amy. You are amazing. That's a lot to keep on top of, but, seriously, great work!

I am relieved, my ex finally filed his reply. He's trying to deny my petition to divorce. And he's asking for both alimony and child support (retroactive to the start of my filing) and majority custody.
That doesn't upset me, seriously, it is hilarious.
He lied about his income and assets, too, trying to make himself look more dependent on me than he is and make me out to be some alpha career focused person.
Whatever.

We'll finally get before a mediator where he'll come out with all sorts of lies and accusations to make me the bad guy. Can't WAIT.

Every day gets me closer to the end.

Not all those who wander are lost


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6/12/17 1:41 A

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Always good to hear from you, Amy, though I'm sorry things have been so tough. I *really* hope they catch your ex--he has some real karma due!

Got the app submitted--sigh of relief! Also got groceries and a load of laundry done.

Just finished watching Season 5 of Call the Midwife; waiting for Season 6 to come in. Read on IMDb that "Call The Midwife has recently been voted the Best Drama of the 21st Century in the BFI and Radio Times Festival Audience Poll." Wow! I know I absolutely *love* it!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 1,317
6/12/17 12:53 A

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I'm sorry I haven't been on the group much lately. Life kind of caught me in a tailspin, but at least I've been pretty productive. I haven't lost any weight, but I haven't gained either, so I consider that a bit of a triumph. I have been sparking through the phone app, but haven't figured out how to connect with spark teams through that. Did they take that feature out when they revised the app?

I finally got a new roof on my mobile home. It was a bit stressful, financially, and my ex found out and questioned the kids about how I could possibly afford it, and suggested that I was somehow cheating him out of money. It ended up coming up in the kids counseling session, and I finally told them that their father wasn't paying child support, so there is no way I could be cheating him. Then he went on a verbal manipulation campaign suggesting that I should pay alimony. Even the girls laughed at that one.

What I haven't told the girls is that I the District attorney (finally) called me about some of the times that I reported him for restraining order violations. I took my old phone down to the office so they could download old texts, so they could see that he was not limiting his texts to information about the children, but to harassing me, especially when I would reply "This is harassment. Stop texting or I will report to the police." That never stopped him, since he has a pathological need to get the last word, and we both knew it was unlikely the police would do anything. So imagine my surprise when I learned that they had issued an arrest warrant for him! Hopefully, they will catch up with him soon (he is being very careful not to let me know his current address) . The girls might be upset by this, but keeping him from manipulating them has become my main goal lately. He has been doing that a lot, and while they catch on quick, it has been upsetting for them each time they realize he lied.

Work has been tough too. My teaching partner has quit, so I am working with someone new, and she's sort of a control freak. I'm trying to train her, but it's hard to train someone who already knows it all, or thinks she does. I actually like her outside of work, but I had to have a long talk with her Friday about how I am not willing to pick up her slack. I do think that this is the impetus I needed to start looking for a job within the school district though. I think I'm going to bite the bullet and start substituting. It's better money and more flexability in my schedule, but this is the kind of district where kids try to break a sub. Still, I've been working with tough kids long enough that I think I can handle it.



Edited by: SALAM4545 at: 6/12/2017 (00:55)
What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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6/10/17 11:47 P

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I've revised my work history profile for government job applications, paring down needless details--as recommended by a manager I met with to get interview feedback. I've also drafted my cover letter and slightly revised my expanded resume that goes back farther than my usual 1-page version, as it addresses experience that applies to this particular position. I'll put it together and submit it tomorrow.
emoticon emoticon
I'm glad I rescheduled my haircut, originally on the calendar for tomorrow. In addition to the application being due tomorrow, I have a number of chores which are best done on the weekend. I'll feel much more caught up and prepared for the week.
emoticon emoticon
Had a phone meeting with Tresa, my financial planner, this morning. The spending planning and tracking is coming along, and our next face-to-face meeting will begin shifting the focus to retirement planning and investing. You know, the scary stuff. emoticon emoticon emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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6/10/17 1:20 A

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Yep, lots of catching up. Got some of my travel reimbursement requests in, still have the second day in Olympia to submit. I should be getting back quite a bit. Also got info on my current W-4 withholding, which I'll be revising.

It felt so good to have those 2 hours in the morning, and to be able to journal while sipping my coffee, and not rushing around. Lots of cleaning around here to get caught up, but financial phone meeting tomorrow, and the last 2 days on a college job app--that I just can't force myself to work on tonight.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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DREAMERSPIRITT's Photo DREAMERSPIRITT Posts: 591
6/9/17 8:55 A

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Looking good, Dorkness!!!

Today I feel awake, alive, and motivated!!!

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6/9/17 1:19 A

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Nice that work is stimulating. Mine will be all about catch up tomorrow.

I did just a tiny bit of journal writing while eating breakfast in OLympia this morning, before class. Despite the rain, I made the drive down OK, not getting too tense. More good content and exercises in class. The one partner exercise I did with one of the 2 guys in class was uncomfortable, but I learned from it and let the experience be what it was. I walked every break--and the instructor was great about giving us frequent ones, and I got to get fresh air, even in the rain. Realized I left my compact umbrella in the room; will see if I can get it returned via campus mail. Made soup for dinner, finished that and another Call the Midwife episode, and am *so* ready for bed now!!
emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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6/8/17 11:39 A

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Thanks! It was a good break from the usual.

Hmm, sounds like a good lesson from the class.
I could've used that mindfullness last night. I could NOT get to sleep, feeling overwhelmed and obsessive about the current situation, well, a little of that, a little more of what I know is coming next. Had to wake up early to go get my older son, and that, of course, meant I was up past 1am.

I'm not feeling too bad actually, I hope it helps me fall asleep later at a decent time. Work is keeping me stimulated so far, so that's good.

Not all those who wander are lost


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6/8/17 12:52 A

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You are looking emoticon So nice about the compliments. emoticon

Actually I haven't gotten that much that's a big revelation yet from the class, though a lot of it is a good reminder of concepts I've learned back in my personal growth workshop days--when I was taking them and leading them. He says "It's not the situation, but how you are in the situation" where we (at the Ken Keyes Center & in the Living Love system) said "It's not what is that's making you unhappy, but what you're telling yourself about what is." One of my favorite tools he gave us in the first day is what he calls the Reclamator (to reclaim your balance and equanimity when you get caught up worrying/obsessing about the past or the future--he uses the terms "pasteurizing" and "future tripping"):
1. Breathe
2. Focus/remember where and when you are [you are not powerless in the midst of a past trauma, nor are your doomsday imaginings what is real for you right now]
3. [Tell/remind yourself] Everything is OK. In this moment you are alive and safe. [You might even be able to tune into something good, positive or joyful]

There were some interesting exercises. ... I took a dinner break and finished my Call the Midwife episode. Almost time for bed, since I need to sleep sooner and get up sooner again tomorrow for the hour's drive down, with extra time for a cushion. More tomorrow. At least traffic was quite good each direction, especially in the morning.
.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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6/7/17 11:04 A

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I ended up not ordering anything, being too busy talking to folks.
Some work stuff, some personal stuff. These are professional contacts, so most of them had no idea, even the ones I've been friends with for years, how things were with me and my husband. But, now they do!
Lots of compliments on my weight loss, my cool dress, and how much happier and more relaxed and less stressed I am compared to how I used to be.
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LOL, my zipper broke on my boot, though. Had a heck of a time getting it off without being able to unzip it.




Edited by: MISSDORKNESS at: 6/7/2017 (11:05)
Not all those who wander are lost


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6/6/17 11:38 P

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Dreamer, glad the cramps have lessened. And I'll be sending you calming energy, and encourage you to keep breathing deeply to help lower stress. When I catch myself saying I "shouldn't" be thinking or feeling a certain way, I remind myself it's OK to feel the way I do, and I can choose another thought or feeling I'd rather have. I can choose where I put my attention. (I've had plenty of practice with this, given an often frustrating work situation!)

Miss D, glad you can hang with friends/colleagues, wear something new and enjoy an evening out. And emoticon on thinking ahead about food choices.

It was a strange day. Managed to get through a few things, and take care of details--including setting phone and email Out Of Office messages--since I'll be attending a 2-day class. The reminder email said it would be in the Lacey campus of a community college, but when I called today to ask about parking and food, person said she hadn't seen a 2-day class on the list for that location. She put me on hold, and when she came back, said she was REALLY glad I had called, since the class was being held in their Olympia location, and she needed to email all the attendees with the corrected info right away! Too bad, since the Lacey location would have been a little closer, had free parking, and probably better food choices. Ah well. The class should be a good one.

I decided to go fill up gas. I was at half a tank, but 2 trips down to Olympia and back in rush hour will use up a fair amount. So I'm driving to the Costco and hit some heavy traffic on Interurban, headed toward the mall. A few cars peeled out and made U-turns, deciding they didn't need to go to their destination that badly. I stayed, since both our lanes would move forward with each light change further down the road. Then we sat without moving for 5 full minutes, but I was next to a traffic island and couldn't move. I had no idea what was up. We would see an occasional car pass by going the other way, and finally saw two flatbed trucks, each with a *crushed* car on their bed. Both were crumpled and one was flattened. There must have been major injuries or fatalities with vehicles looking like that. A minute or 2 later, traffic began moving again.

The heat was in the high 80s by then, and when I finally got up to the gas pump at Costco, the stupid machine wouldn't read my card for the first time ever. I had to go hunt up an employee who tried repeatedly ("Why does it think your card is still in there?") before finally getting it to accept my membership card. Once I had my full tank, I went by Panda Express and got an order to go. I cooked up some extra veggies to add to my double green bean chicken order, and managed to leave a little bit & not scarf the whole thing.

My intention is to get up an hour earlier than normal, and leave 2 hours earlier than usual--not following my normal leisurely routines. So it's early to bed tonight. At least the directions & maps to the Olympia location are really clear.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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6/6/17 10:03 P

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The cramps seem to have calmed down.

Now I'm just stressing about an upcoming art festival I'm vending at. The most frustrating part of this stress is that I KNOW I shouldn't be stressing!!! I have enough old work laying around... I can easily fill a table with it, no need to spend sleepless nights in the studio cranking out new work! But no... my mind can't stop stressing...

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6/6/17 11:39 A

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I live near St. Louis, MO. We've got TONS of free attractions around here, it makes it really nice that I can still take the kids out for plenty of interesting activities and culture even when I'm broke.

good luck on the apps and with the class.

Dreamer, ugh. I'm about 6 days out from that joy myself. Good luck staying comfy till it passes.

I'm pretty excited, going out to a work related event tonight. Going to wear one of my nerdy dresses out for the first time.
emoticon
Arranged a ride so my ex could have the car... and I could have a couple drinks.
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I checked out the menu ahead of time, but, there's not much on the venue fare that really works with my current eating style, so I will probably just have to eat before I go.

Not all those who wander are lost


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6/6/17 11:11 A

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I have some cramping going on (it's that time of the month...) but am otherwise feeling pretty good.

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6/6/17 2:09 A

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I remember Risk! What city are you in? A sculpture park and history museum sound great.

Had a meeting learning about the status of the big front counter rehab--they still think they'll get the reconstruction done by the end of this month (and the fiscal year)! Learned I wasn't chosen for the Employment Standards agent position I interviewed for in March--no surprise there. Some interesting work challenges, then worked on the new app tonight, organized my college job app files within my larger career file folder. Also looking at details for the 2-day class I'm taking in Lacey this week. Not quite as far south as Olympia, but still an hour or so drive, paid parking ($12/day) and finding the class on the community college campus--all before 8:00! I plan to print the map and directions at work tomorrow. Uh-oh, past time for bed!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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6/5/17 10:40 A

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Busy times and a great deal! I've got some adjustable dumbells on my wishlist.

Took the kids out yesterday. Sculpture Park and trails until the mugginess got to us, then through the gallery there, then to the History Museum in the city. We wanted to hit the Science Museum, too, but, the close earlier on Sundays, so we went to the mall instead.

Back home and played Risk.

Not all those who wander are lost


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6/5/17 1:03 A

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I actually made it down to Panera's in Lakewood before my sister--a very rare occurrence! emoticon We saw a delightfully silly production of Pirates of Penzance emoticon and picked up next year's season tickets. Got stuck in pretty horrible traffic on the way home, when road work closed 3 of the 5 lanes of I-5 going north (in my direction)! emoticon

My biggest accomplishment tonight was placing an order, using my $50 Amazon gift card from work for my 10-year anniversary, for a pair of adjustable dumbbells. Usually $100, on sale for $65, plus tax and shipping brought my portion to $30 and change. Can't wait to try them out--they are due to arrive 6/12-6/15. emoticon

Just can't resist--I'm going to watch the final episode of season 3 of Call the Midwife emoticon before turning in! emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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6/4/17 2:10 A

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Strength training in the morning, cardio in the afternoon, a nap in between. Worked on a new app for a job at South Seattle College. Hennaed my hair this evening. And several episodes of Call the Midwife. Tempted to watch another, but I really need to get to bed. Like a good book, they are addicting!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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6/2/17 1:37 A

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I worked on my spending spreadsheet--having problems with formatting totals. Then worked on revising work history profile for job apps. And reviewed communication w/ doctor for tomorrow's appointment--at last. It will be my first time meeting with the new doc; hoping for a PT referral. I'm pooped now!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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5/31/17 11:55 A

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DREAMERSPIRITT, I'm glad you weren't alone during that time... good for you for not being in a hurry to expose yourself to more pain.
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BLESSBEING, sounds like a good time. Well done on all the activity and the restraint with the buffet!!!

Not all those who wander are lost


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5/31/17 12:14 A

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DREAMERSPIRITT, it's good to know you realize you can't be with people who affect you in such a strong, negative fashion. Hoping you can work things out soon.

MissD, glad you had a good day with your kids and your friend.

Today was our 3rd annual employee appreciation party at a nearby community center. This is the first year it's been cold. It was even spitting a tiny drizzle as I headed over, but I still walked, with an umbrella I never had to put up. Other years there have been more walkers; I may have been the only one. I got more exercise from our line dancing. Every year I jump up and participate in all the dancing demos. The first year's theme was a Mexican fiesta, the second a Hawai'ian luau, and this year was Western style (they called it a rodeo). I wore a straw cowboy hat I had bought in Dallas decades ago that had been in the donation pile. We took pictures of work groups, and there were some games outside.
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In the bean bag toss, with 4 bags in red & 4 in blue, I managed to get one in the hole on the slanted board that slid up the incline and tipped over the opening. Then I saw and tried "ladder toss" (I just Googled 'game with balls on string' and that was the most common name, as well as ladder ball, lasso golf and ladder golf) and in my first ever attempt, got all 3 of my "bolas" to wrap around the ladder spokes! My first toss actually bounced on the lawn & wrapped around the lowest rung.
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In the buffet, I kept to a single plate, and stayed away from the cake and root beer floats. They didn't especially appeal to me, and my weight's been up, and I'd like to nudge it back down.
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Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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5/30/17 6:36 P

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Awful.

I had a falling out with relatives I had been staying with. They would take me back, but I don't think I can do that.

Last night they drove me nearly to the point of suicide... if I didn't have my fiance to pull me back... last night could have ended very differently...

I can't live with my fiance full-time (it's complicated), so I need to find places to crash a few nights a week. One of my friends might take me in, thankfully.

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5/30/17 12:05 P

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Oh, lovely! I think I'll finally be able to go shopping on Wednesday. Definitely need some peppers and mushrooms and some fresh veggies. Maybe a chuck roast.

Had a fun day out with the kids yesterday, and my girlfriend and her toddler son.
My boys are really good at looking out for him and being understandable of his being a toddler.

Not all those who wander are lost


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5/29/17 10:13 P

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Yes, I was extremely happy emoticon to see the fog had rolled in, and the temps had dropped down to briskly cool in the early am! I was so much happier doing 2 laundry loads (with the up and down from my 3rd floor apartment to the laundry room on the 1st floor) today in the 50s or 60s instead of yesterday afternoon in the mid-80s!

I spent some time this morning updating my spending spreadsheet. It was just getting sunny and warming to the low 70s when I went out for groceries around noon. Stores thankfully not crowded. I've been prepping my coffee blends--combining flavored coffee and espresso emoticon ,then cleaning and chopping a Costco tub (24 oz) of mushrooms, then divvying up in plastic bags for the freezer emoticon . That way I can just chuck a bag full into soup or a stir fry. Next is washing, trimming & chopping a bunch of Italian parsley. That & a bunch of chopped veggies emoticon plus some ham emoticon will go into some Trader Joe's potato salad emoticon I got today for a light summer fare dinner. emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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5/29/17 12:18 A

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I did one short workout this morning and some shopping for socks (discounted) at Freddy's, where I also scored some planter pots o sale. The temps hit upper 80s (86-88) emoticon on my way home from Mary's, so I've been pretty much vegging in the heat. Though I did trim the 6-pack of peppers emoticon (actually red, yellow, orange) I picked up at Costco yesterday. Oh, and I checked on a few college jobs I may pursue. emoticon

Had a fun visit & enjoyed a delicious Thai shrimp salad emoticon emoticon emoticon (those are the edamame beans, though ours were shelled). (Mary: I had it backwards, as the spellcheck informed me.) Since I had full decaf coffee when I got back, instead of half-caf like I often do, I'm fading fast here, and will probably hit the sheets pretty soon. May need a stronger fan in the bedroom tonight. emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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5/28/17 1:34 A

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Feeling productive. I did a grocery run at Costco early enough that the lines weren't horrendous. Returned a new book I gave up on--just not holding my interest--& picked up a couple items on hold at the library. Did the big clean project of the bathroom fan (described in the Success thread). Took a nap and did multiple workouts through the day. Completed a number of timer sessions cleaning and sorting through my from work tub. Enjoying the final feature on the 10th and final disc of Season One of Star Trek (The Original Series or TOS). It's a 2-hour 40th anniversary special highlighting the months of preparation for a giant Christie's auction of 1000 lots of Trek costumes, props, & sets. Amazing!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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5/27/17 1:14 A

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We've a couple of nice days here in the Seattle area. Today didn't get as chilly inside from the A/C, but I made sure to bring a sweater in case I needed it in the building. I've also lucked out finding shady parking spaces--one of my great pleasures, since I *really* don't like getting into a hot car!

Work was challenging with 4 people out--2 planned, 2 not--with supervisor in Seattle. Scheduling breaks and lunches took some doing. Thankfully the weather and the holiday kept the customer numbers manageable. Did some cleaning and sorting timer sessions this evening plus a nice 11-minute low-impact interval workout by Jessica Smith. Looking forward to a productive weekend, with a sister visit in the middle. Have a great Saturday, all!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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5/25/17 10:19 P

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Good but tiring day at work. I did a couple timer sessions when I got home, so feeling a little bit ahead of things. Oh, and I was disconcerted yesterday when I hurried home to get to the management office before 6 to find it closed a few minutes early. I had been hoping a package (my order of flavored coffee) had been delivered. When I tracked the order it reported delivery the day before at the office and signed by Sallie. Since such a person does not work at the office for my complex, I worried that it may have been misdelivered. I left a worried message on the office voice mail, and they kindly called me at work to say yes, it was there. I even got a later call saying they would put it inside the door if I wanted, since it's sometimes an effort to get to them before they close. I thanked them very enthusiastically, and sure enough, there they were!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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5/25/17 1:11 A

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So happy you reached out and found a way to get around his sabotage. Have a good, successful time! emoticon And remember to acknowledge your strength! emoticon

Did some important revision of procedures and retention guidelines based on updates from Central Office, and saved the information to a shared drive (planning for my eventual exit).
emoticon
At home, cooked up a kitchen sink version of an Indian dish. I started with a box of Trader Joe's frozen Vegetable Biryani w/ Vegetable Dumplings, a 2-person side dish. I started sliced celery & diced peppers sauteing, added mushrooms & spinach, then diced tomatoes, garlic, a little turkey sausage and vegetable broth. Tossed in the partially nuked biryani, stirred, heated, oh added sliced almonds and a bit of shredded coconut. Then topped with plain yogurt (which cooled some of the spiciness). Delish!
emoticon
Took a break after dinner from my current Star Trek episode to prep tomorrow's lunch salad extras to add to a Costco salad. After some Sparking, I'll go back and finish one of my favorites from the first season of TOS, This Side of Paradise with Jill Ireland and a happy, in love Spock. Sigh!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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5/24/17 3:47 P

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Yay! I'm so happy!

My soon-to-be-ex-husband has prevented me from attending any networking events in the past year, by always scheduling something for the kids on Tuesday evenings, so he has the car and I'm stuck.
But, I finally asked around about getting a ride with someone, and was lucky enough that one of my colleagues is willing to swing by and get me so I can attend.
I can't wait.

I think I need to wear one of my Svaha dresses (with pockets!).
I've got JavaScript, Gear Trains and CircuitBoard patterns to choose from.

If it's coolish, I think I'll do Circuitboard, because it's got sleeves, but, if it's hot, I'll have to go with one of the others.

Yay! I can leave the house AND be around people who respect me.

Not all those who wander are lost


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5/24/17 10:43 A

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Ah, I remember decluttering at work prior to a move... woof, that was a fulltime job for months. ;) SOOOO glad we were moving toward electronic documents away from paper more and more every day... and that our network was more reliable, so I needed fewer paper copies around for reference.

Oh, nice on the new tasks!

Not all those who wander are lost


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5/23/17 11:21 P

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I'm actually making more progress decluttering at work than at home. We've been warned the construction to revamp & expand the front counter, as well as move and shrink our cubicles could begin any time and we'll have to be ready to pack everything immediately. I've been spending time most every day after my shift to purge through old files accumulated over 10 years. I brought home some personal stuff on Friday, but haven't sorted that yet to take back the mail tub I filled with boxes of tea, bags, plastic utensils, books. I still have some personal stuff, and will continue reducing a little each day.

I had my first training session with the Collections unit lead. I had thought it was just an exploratory, learn about it sort of meeting, but I've been approved to actually take on a few small balance accounts to work on, so the training covered phone calls--making and logging them, and looking up account information. I already can do a fair amount of it, but I was introduced to new screens and data that will be very useful. It's exciting! I'll just need to coordinate with my supervisor to have a little dedicated time to work on them.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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5/23/17 10:50 A

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Interesting. I like things very open and not-cluttered. My soon-to-be-ex likes things covering every surface (both floor and elevated). It's a pretty different lifestyle to adapt to.

Well today... I see he's stolen a piece of paper that contains the account number for the new bank account I just set up in my name (more specifically, it was a paper to redirect child support for my older son from our shared account to my new one).

Not all those who wander are lost


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5/21/17 9:56 P

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Actually I suspect a strong link between organizational issues/clutter and abuse issues. I spoke to one therapist about it, noting that the link between sexual abuse and weight/obesity/body image is well known, and that Fly Lady has spoken of the link she has become aware of between weight issues and clutter. A few survivors become neat freaks--exercising rigid control of their environment (to make up for a lack of control over their physical body?), while many can't seem to manage their environments (a holdover from feeling powerless?). She thought it was a great subject for a thesis or dissertation.

Yeah, I've wondered about the cosmic reasons myself. And I'm clear that it gave me stability for a time, but that it's holding me back currently. Yet again, as I'm working with the financial planner, and adopting new behaviors there, this part of my life isn't changing on me--but with the stress and low pay, it isn't truly supporting me either. It's clear to me I haven't been looking in the right places for a change; but I also know I don't have the energy to devote a great deal of time and energy to a totally new approach, and doing everything from scratch.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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5/21/17 1:19 A

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Do you ever wonder if the abuse makes us comforted by clutter? I've read a lot about the psychology of survivors, but not much that addresses that. Still, I know that when I am in one of my "black dog periods" and my depression is worse, the clutter gets worse.

I made big strides in getting my life back on track this week. I went down to the department of housing, and except for getting my uncle to sign a few documents, I'm on track to get my mobile home registered and a permit to get my roof repaired. I also went to the District attorneys office and let them download all the texts my ex had sent. I still don't know if they will press charges, since they had to call me back to find out where my restraining order was issued and what it said specifically in regards to communication (which you think they would have done before starting the investigation, but... whatever). I figure if it took this long to start investigating, it wouldn't even get to court until after it expires, but it's so nice to feel like his actions might actually be catching up with him!

Amanda, it seems crazy to me that you have been in that job for 10 years. I mean, I know that you do a lot with your office, like the annual fitness challenge, but I know that it has not been really a positive experience in a long time. It makes me wonder if there isn't supposed to be some reason that you are still there, I mean in the more cosmic sense.

I am finding that I am becoming more open to the idea of someday being in a relationship again, in spite of all my issues with intimacy. I find myself imagining what qualities I would want in a mate. Wealthy enough to employ a maid seems to top the list, which sounds shallow until you understand the financial abuse I dealt with from my ex. Though it's possible I'm just watching too many episodes of Say Yes to The Dress.

I like the idea of giving yourself permission to be ugly in the beginning of learning something new. I'll have to keep that in mind as I make progress this year.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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5/20/17 7:25 P

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Tresa thanked me for cluing her in, and commended me on being as self-aware as I am & monitoring how well I'm handling change. I really am excited by our process, and I enjoy playing with numbers. I just need/want to slowly and steadily build new habits and let it be okay to "do it badly" at the beginning.

It reminds me of a blog a emoticon wrote--the one that inspired me to try my kung fu class 5 years ago. She spoke of her grandson trying to teach her to roller skate, but she fell and gave it up. She regretted it later, and urged others to allow their early efforts to "be ugly," remembering that we get better with time and practice.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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5/20/17 6:04 P

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That's a good reminder, thanks. I'm glad I've got sparks to give me a daily reminder to be inspired and motivated to look after my own wellbeing and celebrate my wins, off the scale and on.

Not all those who wander are lost


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5/20/17 1:13 A

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As I shared with Tresa when I sent my spending plan numbers I've gathered and calculated so far, I think I hit overwhelm yesterday. I really want to get better at the financial tracking, but it's still very new, and I keep discovering that how I've done things before doesn't lend itself to getting a clear picture on my spending. Then I've been struggling with a not-user-friendly messaging system trying to talk to various medical personnel & trying to get the appointments I want made (also found copays went up 50% (from $20 to $30), so not looking forward to possible multiple visits. And with uncertainty at work and many continuing issues there, the accumulated stress just got to me.

I'm trying to remember to take positive steps, but not to push myself too far or too fast. This isn't a race. I want to get things done, but I want to be happy, whole and healthy as I make changes, and maintain balance as best I can.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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5/19/17 12:54 A

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Oh, my--you and Amy are both dealing with so much! Don't know if it would speak to you, but I wrote a blog Choosing Happiness as an Act of Rebellion: www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_jo
ur
nal_individual.asp?blog_id=6262819


It's so easy for negative forces in your life to overwhelm you and erode your well-being. When I find that happening, I try to halt the negative spiral of emotions and proclaim "I will not let them hijack my joy!" May not always work, but I sure try.

Strange day. Woke up with a really bad headache--rare for me. Got into some dark, heavy thinking about work stuff, and felt so miserable I called in. But journaling, taking things slow, performing some desired, but put-off tasks had me feeling better. I made an appointment to donate blood (overdue), ate a good breakfast first, got there a bit late, but got tended to quickly. I passed the screening test (hemoglobin count?--I don't always make it), and was feeling better as I left. A bit tired, as is usual, but my mood had stabilized. (I don't really know why it dipped so sharply earlier.) Paid my Penney's bill at the mall on the way home, got ready for work, and made it in 3 hours late. Another person was out, so they were glad to have me, even at less than 100%.

Answered phones for the first hour (my assigned time), then went to the counter. My first customers were registering a new contractor license as a partnership. They didn't have a state business license yet, so we had to do that first. Language issues, lots of mistakes in filling out forms, do overs--it took over an hour and a half to get it finished. Good thing I had come in late, had a big breakfast and a snack in the donation center canteen--cuz I went to lunch well after 2! After lunch, had an easy electrical permit to process, then another new contractor. These folks had an infraction from 15 years ago that had gone to a collection agency. They had paid it off, but we needed someone in headquarters to update their old record so we could process the new registration. I was on hold for 16 minutes, but finally was able to get everything updated & the override in place so I could proceed with the application. That one took an hour and a quarter, and I took my afternoon break at 4:35! We close at 5, but I and two others work until 5:30. After my shift, I again put in some time purging old papers. There's going to be some major construction and reconfiguring of our lobby and counter, and everyone's cubicles will be moved & shrunk, so we've been warned to pare down what we have and get ready to move suddenly. I just keep chipping away at 10 years' worth of stuff!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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5/18/17 12:51 P

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YES! Great work on the decluttering and sense of freedom.
And, while I hope they do charge him with something, even if that doesn't go as far as it should, it is so vindicating that they're taking an interest and following up on it with you, and validating the violation.
emoticon

My soon-to-be-ex-husband is hiding the kids' activity calendars from me, and tried to make me miss the school picnic yesterday (even going so far as to arrange a babysitter for 2 hours... um, why, when I said I would take him?).

Our youngest had me bake a cake for daddy's birthday yesterday... he never even spoke to me after seeing it.
Who knows what other controlling, manipulative things he has planned for me next.

I am getting real tired of him walking into my bedroom without knocking though... I am terrible at confrontation, but, I will have to say something eventually.


Not all those who wander are lost


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5/18/17 1:52 A

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I'm *so* glad to hear about the positive effects of dumping the suitcase! Things really can carry--and block--energy. What a strong and loving action to take for yourself and your daughter, both! emoticon and wishing you continued success on the declutter front!

Not sure what to say about the DA and whether or not their office will pursue the case. But good for you for standing up, and for being smart enough to document the abusive behavior and patterns.

Just do what you can. Know that we are here for you, and I will continue to send strong, positive energy to you and your girls. Keep treating yourself well.

That extra sleep last night really helped. Got some good things done at work, including some continued cleaning after my shift. Oh, yesterday and today I cleared out several hundred work emails, just deleting groups of them. Of course there are still several thousand left, but it feels good to get rid of virtual clutter, too!

Paid a bill the day after it came in the mail, worked on my spending worksheet, printed emails for healthcare team to take to work to get that doctor appointment made (when I can see my work calendar), did a combo cardio/ST workout, and caught up tracking my Spring Fling activity minutes and steps. I've been making special efforts to boost steps, though I may not keep it up past the challenge.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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5/17/17 12:30 A

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I am sorry I've been gone awhile. It's been a crazy couple of weeks, and talking about it brought on a bunch of unexpected emotions. I missed this group, but I really had to process it before I could talk about it, because it brought up a lot of anxiety.

My ex has continued for years with his crazy texts, and I continue to report it if they are excessive or particularly threatening. Well, I got a call from the District Attorneys office about some of the times I reported it, from 2015 and 2016. The D.A. was investigating as to whether it was worth pressing charges for violation of the restraining order. I ended up taking the phone I had used for those years to the D.A. Thank Goodness I had saved all the texts he had sent me since he was served with the restraining order! Over 4000 texts. I don't have high hopes that they will pursue this, because the restraining order would expire before they got to trial (It expires in January), but it's nice to know that all those times I called the cops may not have been in vain.

I'm slowly getting my housing situation worked out. I hate to say it, but my Uncles aspergers syndrome has been a major blockade, as he sort of shut down emotionally from the stress. Since he is the one who had the documentation we needed, it was a bit nuts. But his stressors have largely evaporated, so now things may move a bit quicker.

I took a page from your book this weekend, Amanda, and spent some time on decluttering. I decided to start with an area that I didn't have a lot of emotional attachment to, so I started on my daughters room, since it's attached to my room. She was overwhelmed by clutter and didn't know where to start with cleaning, so I tackled it, and made a major dent. There was one thing that was really rewarding: a suitcase full of her fathers stuff that he had never arranged to get was under her bed, so I threw it in the dumpster. It felt so good to get rid of his stuff, like some malignant energy left the house! I didn't even try to donate it, just dumped it! I wasn't even afraid of the repercussions. I'm feeling pretty gleeful about it, and my daughter is thrilled by how much cleaner her room is. I'm going to work on another area this weekend. Since the girls are Muslim, I'm trying to get into the corners and relieve all that negative energy by the time Ramadan starts, or at least by the time it ends. Getting rid of that suitcase was quite a high.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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5/16/17 11:52 P

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I'm *SO* tired tonight--I'm planning to turn in at least an hour earlier than I usually do. I'm really looking forward to it! emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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5/16/17 2:58 P

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Cool. My company does weekday and weekend fitbit challenges, but, also a monthly contest with an amazon giftcard. I can't remember this month's theme. I'm usually #1 or #2, but, I've fallen down in the rankings recently.

Not all those who wander are lost


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5/16/17 1:03 A

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An agency-wide fitness challenge started at work. I'll be doing extra tracking there, in addition to here on Spark. Got a reply back from my new doc whom I haven't seen; I'll be making an appointment so she can check me out before completing a PT referral. Worked more on my spending number crunching after work today, did a combo cardio & ST workout, now planning on a stretching routine before bed.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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5/14/17 10:47 P

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It's been a good weekend, a balance of activities--yesterday the phone meeting w/ financial adviser, working on tracking for my spending plan & trying some new (to me) stability ball workouts on Spark TV, some cleaning. Today had lunch with my sister, catching up on her work doings, settling money (she just got the order for our community theater season tickets placed yesterday) & exchanging books. Then groceries, now laundry, and I just ordered 3# of coffee from www.flavoredcoffee.com/ : 1# each of my favorite flavors--Almond Toffee Crunch and Butterscotch Toffee Cream, plus 1/2# each of Decaf Pecan Pie and Pecan Praline which will be my next work coffee. Ahhh!
emoticon emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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5/13/17 11:23 A

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Hard to say. Most divorces in my state are wrapped up within 8 months. It could be less if we can work out the details through a mediator, it could be a year or two if he makes me take it to court with the GAL and pre-trial conferences and discovery, etc.
I doubt we will live separately. He has said he will not even look for a job until this is all over.

I'm definitely getting myself a nice spa day when this is all over and I have money again. lol. Glad you have a nice arrangement with the therapist! My last job, we had a guy come to the building once a month and we could make appointments with him. He says he does house calls and parties, and partners up with other therapists for parties if they want 2 or 3 folks there. lol. Wouldn't that make someone a popular host!?!? lol.

Not all those who wander are lost


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5/13/17 1:30 A

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How long is it going to take for you to finish with the legal stuff? And will you live separately before it's all done? I hate that he's adding to your stress and financial strain.

Had a good massage, and learned that the therapist I like best is only working there 2 days a week, and seeing clients privately the rest of the time. The cost is the same, but it all goes to her, and she'll throw in the aromatherapy for free (instead of $10 more), and she comes to your home. I'm thinking that's what I may do from now on.

An interesting and productive day at work. Looking forward to tomorrow afternoon's phone meeting with Tresa!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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5/12/17 12:34 P

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That's good! I'm all about awareness and improvement in our finances.

I do really well, started out in poverty and managed to scrabble my way out of it by keeping my thinking long-term. It was not easy, and I'm happy to be working only one job for the first time since I was 17. I will do okay once this legal stuff is out of the way, because I won't have sir-spends-a-lot sucking me dry every time I turn around.

Great job being productive and decluttering! ... and for finding an alternate workout instead of just quitting.

Not all those who wander are lost


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5/12/17 12:59 A

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I'm actually having a phone meeting with my financial planner on Saturday. She's wonderful, and specializes in helping women go beyond their limitations and fears around money. Here's her website: www.myfinancialdesign.com/ She first helps clients build some financial security, then aims higher to achieve larger financial goals. Hoping you can get away from the source of so much of your stress and instability.

I had a productive day at work, and purged a number of papers after work. (Clutter is an issue there, as well as at home.) Did a timer session and tried another workout that I had to stop over halfway through when I ran out of the ability and willingness to modify. So did one of Jessica Smith's much better, more recent routines that I like. I'll be going to bed soon. Looking forward to tomorrow's massage, and then working a shorter day.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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5/11/17 9:23 A

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Sounds like a lot of very convoluted (sorry, intricate?) procedures you have to follow.

Woohoo! Glad your counter is working.

~waffle hand~ I'm doing alright. Keeping things in perspective. Planning how I'll approach getting caught up on the bills and minimize late fees.

The soon to be ex got upset with me yesterday and kept asking how he was going to buy bread and milk if I wouldn't let him use the little remaining amount in our shared checking account. I kept telling him he has all the money, and there are automatic payments scheduled that need to be covered.

I have to wonder if we're even speaking the same language.
(he did cave and get bread and milk for the kids, which is good, otherwise, my mom would've done it this sunday when I go to visit her. but, she's certainly not loaning me any funds while he might just take them again, you know? I can't blame her for that.)

Not all those who wander are lost


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5/11/17 1:02 A

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Yep, getting back to "normal" at my office. Solved a few problems--getting a notary booboo by a coworker that I missed when I registered a contractor fixed, and getting a wage claim check mailed certified to another office. Refunded some permits to CD accounts, which only the 2 sales auditors can do. Then the general phone calls, customers at the counter, and processing industrial insurance checks (we have this goofy special way of handling them, instead of just depositing them, and the job gets rotated each week to a different CSS), plus ordering mail supplies. Also catching up on emails from my day off and being out of the office, and putting in sick leave, and adding my appointment for Friday's massage to the Call Center Calendar (that way we can see who is already scheduled off).

Thought I broke my relatively new step counter (I've had it less than a month), because it stopped counting. But I found the instructions, and figured out how to get it out of suspended mode back to active mode. I'm really glad with our big Spring fitness challenge coming up!

So how are you doing?

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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MISSDORKNESS's Photo MISSDORKNESS SparkPoints: (68,321)
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5/10/17 4:24 P

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oh goodness, busy times, but sounds like you coped well in the end.

Good luck on a good referral for that, definitely better safe than sorry.

Not all those who wander are lost


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5/10/17 12:58 A

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Being out yesterday really threw things off. I had reminders on my work calendar for Monday that I was working in a different office on Tuesday--but without being at work to be reminded, I showed up in Tukwila at my usual start time instead of hitting the road an hour earlier to drive up to Bellevue in the miserable 405 traffic. When 2 coworkers asked "Aren't you supposed to be in Bellevue today?" I was "Oh, ****!" emoticon And only took time to call the lead over there to apologize and say I was on my way, and to grab my breakfast out of the microwave, which I warmed up an hour later when I reached the other office. Had I not been in such a rush, I could have grabbed some contractor packets to work on, plus my notary stamp. Oh, well. The one new contractor I processed got notarized quickly by one of the other CSSs, so it didn't matter. And I had discovered an unused Starbucks gift card (from Xmas?) in my wallet over the weekend, so that paid for my lunchtime coffee drink across the street, since I didn't have coffee, cream, honey, mug, filter cone and filters, like at my home office.

Came across a new (to me) Jessica Smith workout--30 minutes of cardio and core. I toned down the intense HIIT, and didn't do the high-impact versions of moves, but the last 2 rounds really bothered my elbows, so I won't be trying it again. I want to bring up my wrist and elbow issues while exercising with my doctor, and maybe get a PT referral to help me figure out better what's safe and not, and how to substitute more and better.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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5/9/17 11:23 A

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emoticon

Thanks so much!
The last five pounds have been pure stress, so, I'm a little resentful I crossed that milestone in an unhealthy way, vs doing it slow and easy and carefully like I have most of it.

Not all those who wander are lost


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5/9/17 12:15 A

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Oh, and MissD (let us know if you'd like to share your name), emoticon on being such an emoticon Loser! emoticon Over 100 pounds is emoticon emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (198,110)
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5/9/17 12:09 A

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Amy, so happy you are giving yourself the emotional nurturing you need-- emoticon emoticon Can't do anything about that petaQ of an ex (ultimate Klingon epithet, "one who has no honor"), though I'd really like to whop him upside his head! Sending strong and supportive energy to you and the girls. emoticon emoticon

I felt out of balance Sunday evening, so decided I would be better off taking a sick day today. I've exercised, worked on financial tracking and made a massage appointment. I'll also be emailing my doctor to look into joint issues--wrist and elbow that give me the most problems during ST. I'll make a list and try to cover other more minor concerns, to make the most of the cost of a visit, since I haven't met my deductible.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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MISSDORKNESS's Photo MISSDORKNESS SparkPoints: (68,321)
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5/8/17 10:55 A

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BlessedBeing, sounds nice and productive! How exciting to have a getaway to look forward to.

Salam, I'm so sorry your ex has been acting up. It's so painful seeing our kids have to deal with something that even adults would have trouble with.

I'm glad unplugging has helped you deal with that and all the rest, GOOD FOR YOU! I'm still learning to do that myself. I've been taking more walks outside, and the fresh air has made me feel better as well.

Not all those who wander are lost


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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 1,317
5/8/17 1:13 A

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I'm sorry I've been away for so long.

My ex has been fully into his behavioral issues lately, which has caused an undue amount of anxiety, both for me and my kids. Since I don't respond to him, he's been gaslighting my daughter, and helping her to cope with it was rough. That, along with other stressors (the roofer found out that my mobile home was registered with the wrong entity, so until that gets corrected, I can't get a permit for the new roof. This mistake goes back to 1982, so the fees may be really scary to get the registration up to date. Also, the babysitter gave notice that with the trouble my ex had given her with the girls she was going to look for another job; plus there were car issues) made me do something radical, and I unplugged for awhile.

At first it was just that I took my Girl Scout troop camping, and there is no cell reception at all at the camp. But it provided such a mental break for me that I stepped away from electronics as much as I possible could for the time after that. Instead, I put on music, worked on cleaning the house (that really is a big issue for me, but I am trying to declutter in time for Ramadan...or at least by the end of Ramadan), took some walks (it turns out I really like camping and hiking...who knew?) and put some genuine effort into staying mentally healthy.

Putting my own mental health as a priority is kind of new for me. I am finding that I like it. I just hope my body starts getting healthy (and loses weight!) too.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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5/6/17 12:02 A

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Enjoy the pampering! Sounds lovely.

We had a Cinco de Mayo celebration at work emoticon with a few awesome dishes, plus large bowls of shoestring jicama and sliced cucumbers with a little lime--refreshing! And there were 2 styles of flan--oh my! I'm not a real big sweets person, but these were delightful! I had a small piece of each, and totally savored them! I did an extra lap around the block in light of all the extra calories, then had the salad I had taken for lunch for dinner tonight.
emoticon
After work I returned some library items to the new library--my first time since they closed the side street the old one sat on, that runs next to the new one. Luckily the street is only closed for a single block so it's possible to detour around and enter or leave 144th Street at a 4-way (now 3-way) stop. The main problem now is that while 144th (the street that is closed) meets Pacific Highway at a stoplight, the detour street 146th is at a simple stop, and 2 of the 4 cars I pulled behind wanted to cross 4 lanes instead of turning right--the direction I had to go to get to the library! I wasn't sure I would make it before closing at 6. I may want to go further down the connector street so I can turn at a light.
emoticon
I did several timer sessions cleaning, including catching up on dishes. I cooked up more of my purple veggie broth last night (color from the emoticon trimmings), so had my largest pan to wash. emoticon Looking forward to a productive weekend. And so happy 6-Pack (my group of gal pals) finally has a reservation for our long weekend in August. Now that we have a place and time nailed down, we can start making plans!
emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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5/5/17 11:54 A

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Always solid advice. With all the external stressors we all deserve a bit of self-care.

Now that water restrictions are lifted, I might take a bath later and shave my legs and do myself a pedicure.

Not all those who wander are lost


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5/5/17 12:11 A

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Keep taking care of you.

Met with a program manager (one of the #2 managers in the region) for feedback from the last 2 interviews where he was on the panel. Actually some very helpful information, and quite encouraging. Finally we weren't slammed with customers. And our newest unit member, and one of my favorites, mentioned to me that I had a wage complaint waiting for me that she had seen yesterday. We are supposed to get them entered in 3 days, and unfortunately the person who assigns them to us never lets us know. Evidently she gave it to me sometime Tuesday, and I was in Bellevue Wednesday. She didn't peep a word today--day 3. I sent a thank you email to Ebonee for informing me (and cc'd the supe) at 4:23 pm, and completed the complaint entry & submitted it for review at 5:23. Sometimes when the counter and phones stay really busy or we are shorthanded, it can take days to get one finished, in and around everything else we are working on.

Really tired again. Not sure what all is going on--work or weather, and why my energy these last evenings has been so low. All I can do is try to get to bed at a decent hour and let me body rest & rejuvenate. Seet dreams all!
emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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5/4/17 10:10 A

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DREAMERSPIRIT, Thank you. I already feel a lot of relief from no longer living every moment to make him happy. Once he's out of the house, I know that'll be even moreso.

But, until then... stress city. He emptied our checking and savings accounts yesterday and says he won't get a job until after the divorce is finalized. He won't take his name off our empty account, because his lawyer has let him think he has rights to my income until the divorce is final.
I can't remove his name without him present, but, I can cancel the account... so, I'll have to go do that in a bit. Need to catch up at work some before I get fired.

Not all those who wander are lost


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5/4/17 12:52 A

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Sending you both prayers and blessings. emoticon emoticon

I am Tired! It took me over an hour to get to Bellevue this morning, even though it's only ~ 16 miles away! I left just after 4, and traffic was already stop-and-go. The last few miles moved better, and it only took me ~ 55 minutes to get home--or it would have, but I stopped by the Southcenter library since my old one was closed when I placed those holds. The new library is where I'll request mine be sent from now on, especially w/ the one at the mall closing for ~ 6 weeks. They are expanding quite a bit, which will serve mall employees and other shoppers and library patrons well.

Work was steady, but not crazy at the office where I was helping out. They are hiring a couple new people, but are currently down to just 3 employees. I helped at the counter and on phones, but had no other responsibilities, which was sweet. It was raining lightly through most of my morning drive, but the sun came out as I was returning from a late morning break walk, and the temps rose all the way to the low 80s by the time I was driving home! So I'm knocking around in shorts for the first time this year. Got a few things done this evening, and will be headed gratefully to bed soon.
emoticon
Hope this finds everyone in good health and spirits, planning a productive and either restful or invigorating weekend!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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DREAMERSPIRITT's Photo DREAMERSPIRITT Posts: 591
5/3/17 4:57 P

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So sorry that you're dealing with that loneliness. emoticon

Stay strong and know that soon enough, your husband will be your EX-husband. Having gotten out of a long-term abusive relationship myself, I can tell you what a relief it is to finally get out. It is initially very difficult, but so long as you stay strong it is doable. Good luck to you.

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5/3/17 12:41 P

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Good luck to your partner on finals. That is an exhausting time! :)

I've never had hormonal birth control, so I don't know what it's like, but, hope it evens out for you and stop disrupting your normal equilibrium.

emoticon


So, my soon-to-be-ex-husband is pizzed today (he's been hiding it pretty well lately). Because I cancelled the credit card in his name (he does contract work part time, I pay all the bills, always have... and I guess he expected me to keep doing so in perpetuity).
UGH. The stress. I can feel him upset with me, but, the kids are home so he's not having a go at me.

My entire company is traveling for work so I have been extra lonely.

Not all those who wander are lost


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5/3/17 7:12 A

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Thank you for the support and advice! emoticon

I have a body pillow that I cuddle up with at night, provided I'm not spending the night with my partner (current partner, who is very kind to me. Not my abusive ex.) My partner is in the middle of finals right now, so I am leaving them alone until they finish school on Thursday. I'm doing surprisingly well holding myself together.

I recently started on hormonal birth control for the first time in forever. I need it because my hormones are out of whack, not as a way to baby-proof my body. It's very frustrating, because now all I ever want to do is eat, and my blood sugar is out of whack to boot. I can ignore hunger pain to an extent, but I can't ignore when my blood sugar drops and I get dizzy and lightheaded.

Not only am I scared of losing my size-loss progress, but I worry that weight gain will mess with my head. My abusive ex was into heavy women, and would manipulate, sabotage, and bully me at every turn to get me to gain weight. Now I associate being big with him and his abuse. I mean, I'm still big, I'm just a size 18 now instead of a size 22. If I even get back up to a size 20 I feel like I'm going to freak out.

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