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9/25/17 1:40 A

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Sister came up this morning & we headed out to Costco not long after it opened. She picked up the glasses whose frames I helped her pick out a little while back, while I got a few groceries. Then we had an early lunch so she could return home in time to watch her Seahawks. I did more grocery shopping, then took a lovely nap.

Since waking, I've been putting away food, finishing a letter to mail, doing some cleaning & food prep, did a couple Coach Nicole workouts, plus a longer Jessica Smith one in the morning. And of course reading in between. I just finished a thrilling section of the 4th Temeraire novel, Empire of Ivory, which takes place primarily in Africa. These books are so incredibly good!

I may take a break from job hunting, just because it's exhausting and for several years now has been unsuccessful. I may stop looking at my own agency at all, and focus on colleges and the county--which pays better. I'm just so very tired of trying and trying with nothing to show for it. But at the same time, I know I'm worth more than I'm making, which is not an easy place to be while maintaining my equanimity.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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9/24/17 1:09 A

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I had a delightful day, meeting up with my local Spark Friend, Cheryl, and going for a drive out I-90 (which I had never been on) to Snoqualmie (a cute town) and the Snoqualmie Falls. With our dry summer, they weren't as full as normal, but I enjoyed them and the little gift shop where I found some nice dangling abalone earrings. I'm hoping I can tempt my sister to visit there, as I'd enjoy doing a bit more shopping.

Then we returned to our area & I treated her to lunch for over and beyond cat sitting last month. She suggested a little sandwich shop (actually a bakery) in nearby Burien--not far from my Trader Joe's--which I also hope to introduce my sister to. We didn't walk a lot, but I did enjoy a nap after getting home.

Finished the 3rd Temeraire dragon novel, and have just started #4. I'm doing some timer sessions sorting through old mail--long overdue, and running into a few surprises. Hoping to get onto a regular schedule again. Looking forward to seeing Mary briefly tomorrow, then doing the weekend grocery run; we'll see if laundry gets done this weekend or put off until the next one.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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9/23/17 1:43 A

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The offsite was good--I have a little constructive feedback to offer, but mostly I was impressed. It's looking very much like Region 1--our competition in Summer Jam--has an insurmountable lead. The other piece of sad news is I heard today that I'm not moving forward in my bid for a Revenue Agent ! opening. I emailed the lead to see if I can call and get feedback on Monday

The big success today was getting my printer purchased--had a wonderful sales lady at Best Buy who is assigned to cell phones, but used to work in printers, and after a hesitation (I guess they aren't "supposed to" cross departments) showed me some totally appropriate options--more basic than my last one that had features and capabilities I never used or needed. I was very proud that I managed to get it up and running and connected to my wireless network. I have a few print jobs under my belt, and will next look into setting up scanning--something I never figured out on the old one. I also made the effort to give kudos to my helpful saleswoman.

I've got a walk & lunch planned with my local Spark Friend & sometime cat sitter. Then made plans with sister to come up and pick up her glasses that came in to my Costco where I helped her choose flattering frames. I learned she's about a third through the first Temeraire book--it's cool we can share the delights of another well-written book series!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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9/20/17 11:24 P

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Had a couple of unpleasant shocks in Summer Jam land today. We began over 20,000 average steps ahead of closest Region 1, then I saw we were 600 steps down! Sent out an appeal to catch up tracking. A coworker came by & said she put in her final activities and we were ~3000 steps in the lead, but when I last checked, we were 20,000 down! I don't know if we have enough people with activities left to track who will actually do their logging in the next 2 days (Friday is the cutoff), to pull out a win. But I know I've done a really good job of encouraging the team and keeping them updated & reminding them of what needs to be done, even sending links for workout routines from Spark People and Jessica Smith.

Tomorrow is our first Customer Service offsite for the region in several years. Region 1 had theirs last Friday when I helped cover the Everett office. Another early start, but at least I'll be a passenger doing to Bellevue instead of the driver! And I'm taking Friday off to replace my printer, and to observe the Equinox. Haven't checked to see if I can get a massage appt that day, but may try for one.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (207,694)
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9/19/17 11:34 P

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I made it--I was our 16th million stepper out of 87, with only 4 players less than 100,000. We passed another milestone today. I had noticed that while our Region 2 and our closest competitor Region 1 have both had averages above 400,000 since last week, none of the Tumwater (headquarter) teams (in a separate league) reached that level until this Monday. So today I checked late in the morning and sent out an email at 11:58 asking if we could reach 500,000 average steps; we were just 104 steps away. Naturally I used that to invite all who hadn't reported their final week or weekend to do so. When I got back to my Tukwila office and logged in after lunch, I saw an email sent at 12:02 from a teammate saying she just checked and we were over the half-million mark! By the time I looked, we were over 503,000 average steps per person!

I had included the Tumwater Wellness folks on my message, and had to share this with the team: The Wellness Program Manager for the agency replied, "Hey Amanda this is wonderful! Great coaching :o) According to my calculations, 500,000 steps is about 256 miles per person wow!"

All in all, very satisfying. But I'm so relieved that the tracking frenzy is over for me, and I'm not wandering around the apartment morning and night with a timer counting all the housework minutes so I can total and track them.

I had another early day with driving: Up a half hour early, at work 45 minutes early to pick up a coworker and drive to Bellevue to cover their front counter and phones while they had their unit meeting. Before it has taken up to an hour and a half to go 15 miles, but we were a carpool, so it took less than an hour! She stayed to get a ride home with her dad (we passed him as we tootled down the HOV lane), but the traffic wasn't nearly as bad leaving just after 12. Still, that's 3 early days and long drives in the past week, and I'm pooped! Our offsite Thursday got moved to Bellevue (they double-booked the facility we had planned to use), but I'm going to beg to ride with somebody else! I just need to get my mileage requests in soon.

I'm hoping with a more normal day tomorrow that I'll have the energy to do a workout or 2 after work. At least I have a fantastically entertaining book to read--Temeraire #2, Throne of Jade, where they travel by ship to China, the land from whence the dragon egg came. I can't wait for someone else to read these, so we can discuss the wonderful characters and stories!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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9/17/17 11:24 P

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I was just thinking last night it's about time to bring out the long jammie bottoms instead of the knit shorts or the cotton nightie for the really hot nights. Also put the a/c unit back in the corner under it's plastic cover, with the power cord stored inside and the big hose all compressed and out of the window.

If I've done my weekend figuring correctly, the 2 workouts I just did for 30 minutes (Jessica Smith for 18 and Coach Nicole for 12) worth 6000 steps (moderate intensity activities get minutes multiplied by a factor of 2, extreme/vigorous activity,like a few minutes in an intervals routine, multiplied by 3), should put me over that Summer Jam milestone of 1 million steps. I also have walking steps and housework (light activity) to report today. I didn't think I would reach this high, but if I done my calculations correctly, I should get there when I log everything tomorrow. Then we'll see how everyone else does.

Yesterday I got some major housework minutes with recapturing 2 kitchen OOs and scrubbing the (small) kitchen floor. It looks so nice going in there now! I still have Summer Jam captain duties this week, but then it will be done, and I will be thrilled to have that off my plate so I can concentrate on catching up in other areas. So happy the Temeraire dragon series has 8 books in it, which will keep me busy for awhile! (See Reading thread for review.)

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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9/16/17 9:51 P

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Amy I think you would be an amazing and valuable advocate, with your experience and compassion. And I'm glad you had specific recommendations for OverdueChange--again, your experience can help others. Oh, and the team is our regional team at work--this is the final week of our 6-week Summer Jam fitness challenge (the 10th annual) and our region (of which I'm the primary "co"-captain) has a very good chance of repeating last year's first time win in the regional league.

I slept in this morning and felt gloriously rested. Did laundry, then did a Costco run for a few groceries and a gas fill up. I've been driving more than usual, but will get paid mileage for yesterday's 70-mile round trip to Everett. (Between 1 and 1.5 hours to go 35 miles isn't as bad as the same time to go to or from Bellevue which is only 15 miles away!) And I'm driving down to Lakewood, just south of Tacoma for the first play of the new season--Wait Until Dark!

Dropped by the office briefly to return dishes I took for lunch Friday, to pick up my supplements which I forgot, and to check my Summer Jam steps which I had forgotten to write down. I'm hoping to manage to reach the million step mark myself, which will be a stretch, especially with several hours tomorrow devoted to our play. I've done 3 workouts today and quite a lot of housework (even those light activity minutes add up!)

Edited by: BLESSEDBEING at: 9/17/2017 (01:37)
Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 1,359
9/16/17 1:45 A

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Thanks for your kind words ladies. I'm doing so much better after talking with others in the community. Now I'm thinking about taking the training to become an advocate for DV victims.

Amanda, does the step challenge team work? I've been trying to get more steps in, though the wristband on my tracker is broken, so I'd like to replace that. Do you have any recommendations?

I'm so glad this interview felt so good. You really deserve something good.

OVERDUECHANGE, I'm glad you got a GAL (I'm guessing that's like California's child mediators). Fingers crossed they are trained to see through cluster B personalities. If there is anything I have learned from my own court battles is 1. If at all possible, don't let yourself get talked into meeting the GAL with your ex present, he'll just push your buttons to make you look as though you are being unreasonable. If you can't avoid this, take your time, take a deep breath, and do not allow yourself to be drawn into an argument. Also, don't worry about letting them see your tears, as long as you don't completely lose it. It is, after all, an emotional issue.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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9/15/17 11:55 P

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Oh, Amy! emoticon My heart goes out to you, the family, the friends, and the community. There is no right way to feel or react. I hope you will give yourself extra compassion and nurturing.

Overdue, so glad to hear about the positive developments!

I'm really tired tonight. The trip back wasn't as bad as I feared: close to an hour and a half, rather than 2 hours. And the trip up was less than the 1.5 hours I had planned on, so I got in early enough to get settled. Working another office where they do things differently and everything is in a different spot, and the computers don't have the same shortcuts you use often, is a challenge. But I helped a number of customers at the counter, plus a few on the phone. And with the office up 2 flights of stairs, I got in extra steps. First break I hightailed it over to Bigfoot Java to time how long it took me, then I returned to get a latte at lunch. Went walking down a residential street during my afternoon break; along with all the stair climbing, I got 50 minutes of moderate activity, worth 10,000 steps for Summer Jam.

We got our 11th million stepper (out of a team of 87) today, and I know there's one more person (just 8000 steps away) who will join them. I'm in the 900,000s (maybe 931K?); I might possibly make it with what I earn for today and this weekend, with Sunday being the final day. We are holding onto our lead which is substantial, but not huge. No telling what the final week of tracking (especially by players on either team who may have been on vacation) will bring. 9/25 is the last day to enter activities.

I sent a reminder email and update out today. Now it's up to all the team members. It's been fun, but a lot of work and effort. Though I've received some really nice feedback from team members. I got up an hour early today, and half an hour early on Wed & Thur; I'm looking forward to an early night tonight!
emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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9/15/17 9:55 A

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Blessedbeing, Yay on the good CostCo route. ;) Hope they don't keep you waiting too long before you hear back on something.

Salam, ~HUGS~ What a hurricane of emotions. I'm so sorry for that family and for the community enduring a tragedy. And the 'never saw it coming, they seemed like such a nice family', etc... echo echo echo. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors... sometimes not even the people behind those closed doors.
Try to take care of you in the best way possible as you sort through it. (and good for resisting the initial urge to numb with food.)

I'm feeling better every day.
My little guy finally has a GAL to advocate for him. But, I just worry that I won't be able to get across to her how fearful we've been over the years. The past 6 months he has taken to temper his usual behaviors, and the sudden overparenting and keeping our son by his side nearly 24/7... plus the last 18 months where I've been home and can protect them in person has only kept his anger pointed at me and not at them.

Now I'm thin and strong and confident and don't look like the broken down person I was for so many years.
Throughout my life, I had been exposed to abuse in some form and am pretty deadpan and stoic because I never had the luxury of being anything else...
Even when I met with the guardian last week I was able to hold back my tears most of the time... is that bad? Who knows. She's a professional and I have to trust to the process because I have no other choice.

BUT two things have made a world of difference to me.
1. I leased a car, so I no longer have the constant strain of trying to coordinate appointments with someone. THAT right there, no longer feeling trapped, no longer having to debate for weeks about when to approach him when I need to do something and hoping it doesn't turn into twisted argument central.
2. I moved my office into my bedroom. I never wanted to share an office with my ex. He insisted from the beginning that we had to and there's no reason not to, etc. (then he denied interrupting me when I asked him not to... so I counted it and he interrupted me 26 times in one six hour day we spent in there today... but, yeah, I'm making it all up.)

Those two ways of reclaiming my autonomy have made me feel like a completely different person. My brain suddenly has soooo much more bandwidth, now that I'm not constantly fighting the urge to not look over at him when he makes noise, because that can be a trigger for setting him off (aggressive chin-jutting or cussing and yelling... or nothing, because he likes to make me feel crazy).

Not all those who wander are lost


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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 1,359
9/15/17 12:50 A

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It's been a long time since I've visited this team, and I apologize for that, but something has come up that made me need to post with people who can understand.

There was a domestic violence crime in my small town, a man tried to kill his wife and then killed his 3 children. He was caught and arrested, but... There are all these reports of how no one saw this coming, they seemed like such a nice family, the neighbors in the apartment never heard any noise coming from their home, etc.

This hits really close to my own experience. I left after my ex began threatening that if I tried to leave he would kill my children and himself so that I would be left alone.

Although we didn't know this family, we live in a small enough town that we had seen each other in passing, and I have been introduced to the mother of the family. The older sister of one of my students was the best friend of the child that was killed, and spent a few minutes crying on my shoulder today. So I took my kids to the candlelight vigil at the school, and we left flowers. I volunteered to pass out information sheets for our local DV agency (they didn't need me, but I offered). It wasn't much, and it may not have been my place, but I wanted to show some support, since there but for the Grace of Goddess go I.

Yet I am still feeling numb and disconnected, the way that I felt back when I was in it. I want to feel angry or sad, or even relief that it wasn't me, but mostly I just don't feel anything, I've made a lot of progress in healing, but this has me wanting to deal with it by sitting down with a tub of frosting and a spoon. I didn't, but I want to.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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9/15/17 12:41 A

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Went in late to adjust for all the extra time driving to and back from the Everett office-on the other side of Seattle in commute traffic on a Friday! I'm expecting about 3.5 hours round trip. That region is having it's Customer Service Program offsite all day, so some of us are covering. At least I'm only driving to Everett and not Mount Vernon, as are 2 coworkers! Too in my acting up printer and it turns out it's kaput--or a sensor is, which would be too costly to repair, so time to replace. Ouch!

Just rewatched Arrival which came in at the Library after several weeks. Just sorry there were no special features or commentary, as it was such a rich and amazing story. I recommend the DVD if you didn't see it in the theater--and even if you did--though it doesn't translate fully to a small screen.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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9/14/17 12:11 A

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Thanks!

I got up half an hour early, did a quick journal session while drinking my morning coffee--no pleasure reading between the Structure and Nurture sections today, as I sometimes do. Got ready, put apple slices in one container, Canadian bacon slices in another, and got on the road about 7:10--and went to work, where I printed those pages out that I couldn't get done at home last night. Hopped on the freeway about 7:25 and made good time, getting down in an hour.

Ran inside and used the restroom, then took a walk while I ate my breakfast. Signed in at least half an hour before my interview time, but learned the person scheduled before me was a no show. I did have time to review the job announcement, my cover letter and my 'why choose me' page before they came to get me a little early. (I actually titled it Why I am an excellent candidate for the position of Revenue Agent 1, and had 10 bullet points highlighting experience and talents I bring.)

Just 2 fellows, including the lead who would be training me. In my thank you emails I sent tonight, I mentioned it was an enjoyable interview, as they were very engaging and easy to talk to. I think I did a good job highlighting my strengths as I answered the questions. I may have gone into more detail than I needed sometimes, but I was enthusiastic and positive and kept emphasizing all I could bring to the job. They seemed pretty impressed. The supervisor is out this week, so won't decide on who will go to the second interview round for a week or 2. So keeping my fingers crossed!

I forgot I had to get gas, and drove right over to the two adjacent apartment complexes I've looked at before as possible places to live in Tumwater. They are on a hill with covered carports & a washer & dryer in the units!! 2 of the things I really miss here! Found what was coming up in October and what the prices are. I'll check some other places, but it was a good starting point. And I learned how to get over to the Costco pretty close to the new job without getting back on the freeway. Got my gas, tried my first Honey Bucket "suite" in a trailer [inside restrooms under construction]--nice! Then drove back in not bad traffic, again taking just an hour. Had lunch at home, read as I finished my coffee, then went to work for 4 hours.

I got my wage claim submitted on day 3 (the target) and did the prize winner pick for week 5 of Summer Jam. It only goes through Sunday, and the team is still going strong! I highlighted our *9* million steppers, and 5 more in the 900,000s who may well join them. I also sent an email to those 5 thanking them for their efforts and cheering them on in hopes more will reach that impressive milestone. I also mentioned their co-captains (me and a new fellow who hasn't had to do much) are only in the 800,000s. One of the 5 replied thanking me for all my work and encouragement, and making it fun! That was very cool.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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9/13/17 10:26 A

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Good luck!!!

Not all those who wander are lost


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9/13/17 12:48 A

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Dang! I got my references all polished, and a summary of my qualifications to hand in at tomorrow's interview--and my printer stopped working. So I've sent the two documents to my work email, and will have to go in at 7 tomorrow and print them there to take down with me for my 9:15 interview in Tumwater.
emoticon
Still, I feel pretty ready. I'll pack my bag tonight and try to get to bed soon, as I'll be setting an earlier alarm. Wish me luck!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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9/12/17 12:39 A

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Fighting not to get sucked into negative thinking. Folks from central office came for a report out regarding yearly employee surveys--what they've been working on, changes in the upcoming surveys. They entertained questions and comments--and I shared several, giving voice to some of the frustrations we face. I want to be preparing for Wednesday's interview, but I've hit an energy wall. I did a couple bootcamp workouts--17 minutes--here at home, and sent 2 Summer Jam updates, early and late to the team at work. All I want to do is read a little and go to bed. I'm good with feedback--in fact I emailed several positives from the meeting to one of the organizers. I think what's bothering me most is my manager's bragging about how many people have promoted out of Customer Service since he's been manager (after I had spoken of how frustrating it is to try to get out on your own, into a decent paying position with very little support), when he never acknowledges that the great majority of those were bilingual staff. If you speak and write another language, you can often promote out within 1-3 years, while the monolinguals are usually stuck for years in the same position, more often quitting or retiring than promoting out.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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9/11/17 1:33 A

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Smaller chores today--hennaed my hair & did the weekly grocery run to Safeway and Trader Joe's.

Oh, I took time to contact my bank to report a suspicious email claiming to be from the bank "Tech Support" needed to verify information. The overall look to the message was similar, but there were odd capital letters and commas where periods belonged. And I knew a bank would never email for account information. So I didn't click the "Start Here" button (that actually looked a lot like the one on the survey I took for the bank just the day before). And the kicker was that when I hovered over the sender in my email listing, a totally different email came up: a name @ carolina.rr.com. The person I spoke to with fraud reporting asked if I could forward the email to them. When I did that, the real email appeared, also. Hope others don't fall for the scam, and that my actions may help catch a crook.

I got in a nap after groceries, and did an interval cardio workout this morning, then Coach Nicole's 12-minute seated core workout this evening. Finished book 2 in Nora's Circle trilogy, and started book 3. Picked up a book and DVD at the library on the way home from shopping. Have a great Monday, everyone!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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9/10/17 12:07 A

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The play continued today with my helping sister choose eyeglass frames at Costco (2 pair for different prescriptions) which she then ordered while I picked up a few groceries. Then on the way home, she picked up lunch to go at QDoba--yummy salad bowls with fire roasted shrimp! It's been a weekend full of delightful celebration with many fun activities. We didn't spend a lot, but what we did was appreciated. I'm glad she had clued me in on a favorite toiletry she was near out of; I had a pretty little gift and cards to share, knowing it was something she wanted and would use. (As much as we both struggle with clutter, I really don't like giving gifts likely to sit around, collect dust and get in the way!)

In addition to games (Boggle and Blink today), we spent some time online reviewing some book series we each plan to check out based on 6-Pack recommendations. I'm going to be trying Naomi Novik's alternate history/fantasy series about dragons during the Napoleonic Wars, while she checks out some of E.D. Baker's children's fantasy books including the Frog Princess. Look for reviews in the What are you reading thread!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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9/9/17 1:29 A

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Had a wonderful play day with my sister. It was her last Friday off for the summer term-at the community college where she works, they work 4-tens during the summer with Fridays off--and I took a day of leave. She got here a little after mid morning, we went to the mall, ate at Panda Express, then went upstairs and saw the Reese Witherspoon comedy Home Again. Unusual & kind of sweet. Saw some great previews (I don't watch TV, so never know what's coming out), and look forward to Marshall (about Thurgood early in his law career) in October and Jumanji in December.

Then we went down to the big Penney's women's section and shopped for tops for her. She had $100 birthday money to spend, and we decided on 4 tops (tried on around 2 dozen). With 3 on sale they came out to $93 and change! Came home & talked while I made and drank my afternoon coffee, then played games. Did an early dinner of Taco Bell Power Bowls (we like those!) plus a taco each, which we brought home and ate while we watched my DV of Reese Witherspoon and Mark Ruffalo (?) in Just Like Heaven, a favorite of mine. She didn't remember much about it, and thoroughly enjoyed it. More games, then she went to bed (she's staying over) and I'm finally Sparking.

We both totally enjoyed a light-hearted and laid back celebration with no pressure. Then tomorrow we're going to Costco and I'll help her pick out new eyeglass frames. I'm her designated fashion consultant, a role I enjoy playing! And we'll each still have most of our weekend for chores, plus some relaxing. Win-wins all the way around!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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9/7/17 10:54 P

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Oh, my. Sounds like you are taking positive steps. Because of his resistance, they may seem to be coming excruciatingly slowly--but they are coming. Keep acknowledging your amazing strength and persistence. He may hope he can wear you down so you'll give in or give up. I can only encourage you to keep reminding yourself of all you've done and all you deserve, and just keep on doing the next thing--and then bragging to us about your accomplishments and venting when you need to release.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Today was hectic as it was my day to work the counter, plus I needed to finish entering my wage claim to make the 3 day submission target. Luckily I learned I could get it submitted without attaching all the documents. This is another of the claims for back pay from a municipal mandated change in the minimum wage that was appealed. So employees are turning in 20 months of weekly pay records. Every page has to be date stamped and stamped "received with claim." Then they all have to scanned and attached electronically to the complaint. I divided mine into two halves, the first was 88 pages; the stack was too tall to fit in the document feeder. I'm just glad I was able to attach it, after lowering the resolution. They must have increased capacity, as we used to be forced to scan in many small groups in order to successfully attach large groups of documents. I had a contractor that took me until a little past 5, then had to help close everything down, then do my out-of-office, and a final message to Summer Jammers, since I'm off playing with sister tomorrow as a belated birthday celebration for her. Whee!

Edited by: BLESSEDBEING at: 9/8/2017 (00:47)
Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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9/7/17 4:12 P

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aaaaaaaaand he does not do well with change.

he waited a few hours before knocking on the door to come in then ordered me not to touch his 'tabletop'... which I take to mean his nightstand... you know, the one next to the bed he doesn't sleep in.

Then, cause I'd so heinously taken my shoes off on HIS side of the bed, he threw them onto the floor immediately behind me.

I called him out on it. He accused me of lying and saying he'd set them down.
Seriously dullwitted that one... like just because my phone is in my pocket or bra it can't be recording?

But, my heartrate went from 90 (I'm stressed today because I dared make two changes in mr. no change's world) to 130 in a split second.

He stayed another half hour, shaving, but, I wasn't going to run out of my own bedroom, letting him intimidate me further. (why he can't shave in his own bathroom? I don't know. he finally started brushing his teeth down there a week or two ago.)

Not all those who wander are lost


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9/7/17 12:25 P

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Okay, so to reduce stress and time spent worrying instead of working... 1. I leased a car, so I can make appointments when and where I need to without having to speak to him about it while sharing a car. 2. I moved my office to my bedroom. I wanted to work in a different room than him before I even got this job and he insisted we could work fine together... and like everything else I let him bully me into it so I didn't have to justify argue defend and explain why not.

Locked door between me and him instead of him between me and the door. It's like a physical weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

Not all those who wander are lost


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9/6/17 12:45 P

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Productivity issues are from stress. I have a very flexible work schedule, being IT working from home, when I work isn't an issue.
Now that we've ticked off all the boxes, we filed the formal request to get him out, and forced to look for a job and the lawyer even put in that he has to wear a suit and tie to interviews and report about how many job applications that he puts in (two things I could never get from him when he was 'looking' for work... he'd apply to like 3 jobs a year and show up in shorts with his hair all scraggly).

Congrats on the upcoming interview! Good luck.

Not all those who wander are lost


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9/6/17 12:42 A

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Are the productivity issues from stress or taking time off to deal with things? I'm really sorry you are going through all that in addition to the crazy stuff at home! I'm praying for you. emoticon

So yesterday never reached 90 as forecast--hottest I saw was 87. I dressed light and left the A/C running today against the expected 95, but it never got that hot. I was surprised by the dusting on my car--pollen? In September? Then when I got to work, I saw the rising sun was dark orange--I hadn't known about the fires, but later in the day you could smell smoke in the air. And I realized that was ash on my car--and drifted lightly through the cracked windows, too! It barely got to 84 that I saw. Prediction for tomorrow is still 87, as it had been the last couple days. We'll see if it gets that high. Then we're supposed to go down to the 70s and mostly stay there for a while. Here's hoping!

I was happy to have a message at home offering me an interview for the Revenue Agent 1 position in Tumwater. I'll call tomorrow at work and set it up. If I get it, I would be moving down to Tumwater. Looking forward to going for it.

Our regional team started the day about 3500 average steps behind Region 1. I reminded them about the raffle tickets I would be filling out with their names based on whether they had less than the team average (then 278,000)=1 ticket, more than the average=2 tickets, twice the average=3 tickets, or three times the average=4 tickets (only 2 people had that many: over 804,000). I was also comparing to Friday 8/25's list; if they hadn't tracked since then, no tickets. I sent an update that we had moved ~3500 ahead of Region 1, and asking people to let me know if they were still logging, so I could send the right number of tickets down to headquarters for the weekly raffle of one $125 Amazon gift card for the regional league (and one for the headquarters league). After writing 127 names, as I was tearing the tickets and stuffing them in an envelope, I checked the roster again, and found 3 people changed their ticket numbers: one went from 1 to 2 tix, and 2 hadn't logged in more than a week so went from 0 to 1. Just before lunch I checked the scoreboard, and we had increased our lead to over 9000 steps! Even though I was late going to lunch, I had to send a WooHoo message thanking everyone for their great numbers and reporting. And when I jumped pages to copy the player email list, that lead increased to exactly 10,001 steps! So I updated the numbers and sent it out to the team.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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9/5/17 10:06 A

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Pre-trial today with the ex. He waited until our son was on the bus before he started taunting me and repeatedly calling me arrogant and obtuse and accusing my mom of causing drama (um because she's coming over to babysit) and then rubbing in that she 'abandoned' us when we were little (she was escaping a bad marriage with no money... after she set up house and got a job and car, she came back for us but that's neither here nor there).

I told my lawyer I'm about to get fired (I've been counseled about poor productivity by my boss and the company owner)... something's gotta give.

Not all those who wander are lost


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9/4/17 3:20 P

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Ran 2 errands--used a coupon for a free car wash (got the traveling grime off, plus sap spit from parking under trees as much as I can), & deposited my surprise check (see yesterday's post). Also did laundry before it got too warm. Tresa will be here before long to sign financial documents to set up my annuity account. Can't wait!

So I wrote my check for $100,000 (first time ever!) And signed docs--not too many. But I was making 2 sets of copies on my little printer/copier, and 2 pages from the end, it stopped printing. I changed the little ink cartridge, but that didn't work either. I mostly just print stuff, and have never made that many copies at a time. Don't know if it overheated, or what's up. I should probably try printing something now, to see if it needs servicing. So we had to go get the last few copies. I knew where there was an Office Depot near the mall. Tresa wondered if it would be open, & I assured her retail places are basically always open except for the most major holidays. We used the self-service & got the last of the copies for less than a buck. Then put the originals in a FedEx envelope, & I directed her to my office complex not far away where I knew there was a FedEx drop-off box. She'll be calling her contact early tomorrow, sending an electronic copy & assuring him that the documents were dropped off/shipped prior to close of business Tuesday, at which point the interest rate drops 1.5%.

Edited by: BLESSEDBEING at: 9/4/2017 (19:47)
Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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9/4/17 1:12 A

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Feeling rather virtuous emoticon as I did 3 workouts again today--Jessica Smith for interval cardio, with the cool one-leg running move www.sparkpeople.com/blog/blog.asp?po
st
=walk_your_way_fit_in_just_10_minutes
then later, 2 bootcamp workouts from Coach Nicole--one for arms and one for legs. I got groceries at Costco--good thing I wasn't buying much, since it was time to renew membership--and at Trader Joe's. I had planned to go by the car wash on the way home, but I was getting pretty sleepy (temps in mid-80s), & I wanted to get home and nap, which I managed today. I've put in a number of 5-minutes sorting sessions of papers & junk I pulled out of my purse and wallet. And I got everything I bought today put away, plus more stuff that had just been laying around. I also uncovered a letter from my father that I had been meaning to read, and found a surprise check inside! Since I've had extra expenses this past month, it will be nice to get that deposited to help cover everything.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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9/3/17 12:19 A

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Glad you had fun with your boys. Push-ups don't work for me due to wrist and elbow pain, which is why I always do planks on my forearms.

Well, I ended up reading and snacking and not napping--got caught up in my Nora Roberts (see reading thread). So fixed some iced coffee--mostly decaf, since it was after 4--& then picked up living room floor and cleaned out my purse and wallet--how did they both get so full of junk? Reclaimed my stovetop OO emoticon and did another bootcamp workout--a cardio one which I had to modify for low impact, that really raised my heart rate and made me sweat! emoticon (that's the final burpees and mountain climbers--which I do on my fists & one leg at a time) www.sparkpeople.tv/video.asp?id=637

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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9/2/17 6:25 P

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You've been so productive today!!! lol, I wish I could say the same. Nice that most of the bank stuff was a breeze.

Although, I DID do my daily pushup challenge (25 today, still modified, but, at the end of the 30 day challenge, I might try again with 'real' unmodified pushups).
I also did some more freezer prep for my 'choripollo' (pork chorizo mixed with ground turkey)... which I kinda had to because I bought it a few days ago and hadn't cooked it up yet.
And I ran out to the store to get some deli clearance to spice up the meals for me and the boy.

Aside from that? Oh, I did some work related social media and played a game with my youngest, which he had invented. Kind of like chutes and ladders, but, with green army men, it was pretty fun.

Not all those who wander are lost


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9/2/17 5:40 P

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It's day 1 of my 3 day weekend. I think I may update my post through the day. I've already done the main things I had planned for today--pay rent, pick up coffee delivery from the apartment office, and *transfer money from my CD to checking*! The timeline on setting up my annuity account/contract got moved up suddenly--we're still hoping we can get in under the current rate. Other than waiting 15 minutes or more for one of the bank people to become available, the actual transfer was pretty much a breeze. It was my first time trying it, so I didn't know.

I've already done 2 small workouts (those old bootcamp ones of Coach Nicole) & am fixing to read and nap before attacking some clutter--a general goal for this weekend.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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9/1/17 1:52 A

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Hey, glad my blabbing on about Summer Jam could give you a little inspiration/motivation! emoticon No it isn't easy to "put aside" the stress, but I often frame it as I refuse to let (them/this) steal my joy--or hijack my happiness! I can get pretty possessive about my peace of mind or positive focus on those things that are in my power to do and affect.

And I made a "Personal appeal" to 4 Jammers (all bcc'd), letting them know I was sending it to the two who had yet to track any steps and the two with fewer than 20,000 steps with 24 days of the challenge done. I reminded them that 10 of light activity (walking, housework, gardening) is worth 1000 steps, while moderate activity (exercise, sports, hiking, jogging) earns 2000 for every 10 minutes. We may have finished the day a couple thousand steps behind Region 1, but both our zero steppers have now tracked! (One over 110K, the other around 35K)--so WooHoo for me reminding them they didn't choose the option of switching to the non-competitive team, and they would be greatly supporting their coworkers by tracking!

I had the fun of picking up little gifts and silly cards for my sister after work. I missed her call since I got home late, and she may have been watching her Seahawks emoticon when I tried to call her. So not sure about this weekend's plans--or next one's yet. But we'll get it decided, and it will be fun, whatever we do.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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9/1/17 12:18 A

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Wow, Amanda, wish I had thought of taking steps like that! Now that you've addressed it like that, I'm going to have to think of it that way, like "Whoops, don't want to be a 0 stepper! Time for a walk! "

Not much new happening. Work has been stressful, nothing new there. My Ex is being a crazy jerk...still. I'm trying to learn to put stress aside, but living in stress is not an easy habit to break.


What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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8/30/17 4:09 P

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Wow, way to get them motivated and moving! Glad they stepped up to the challenge (pun intended lol).

Not all those who wander are lost


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8/30/17 1:12 A

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We started the day 11,000 team average steps behind Region 1, so I appealed to the Region 2 team, reminding them of what our average was (204K), how many people had 0 steps (3), less than 25K (2), 25-50K (2), 50-100K (17), 100-200K (26), 200-300K (9), 300-400K (9), 400-500K (2), 500-600K (2), 600-700--0, 700-800--0, 900K + (1); while R1 had 2 people over 900K and 2 between 800-900K.

Well by 5:00, we were almost 300 steps ahead of Region 1, so I sent a brief OMG and WooHoo message out. And by 5:22 we were in first place with a lead of almost 4000 average steps! I acknowledged that our zero steppers were down to 2, and gave a shout out to our first million stepper. I've received several messages from team members thanking me for my encouragement and updates. I send some of those to my supervisor (who's on the team), to remind her of how much time it's taking to be captain & so mention can be made in next year's evaluation--if I'm still in the unit next year.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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8/28/17 11:24 P

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Glad you gained some insight. That looks like a valuable website to understand bizarre behavior.

Mondays (and Wednesdays) are my day for the phones, rather than the counter, which works well, since I can get Monday and Wednesday Summer Jam tasks done between customer calls. Today I wrote names on 145 raffle tickets. All team members who have tracked activity got one ticket (84 of 87), those with more than the average steps (as of 8:30 this morning) of 178,000 got 2 tickets, those with at least twice the average got 3 tickets, and the 2 players with 3 times the average got 4 tickets. The tickets go down to headquarters each Monday. On Wednesday they draw 1 winner for the regional league and one for the Tumwater (HQ) league. One of our safety compliance guys from our region and office won the first week; I don't think we heard last week's winners. It's a big prize: a $125 Amazon gift certificate (taxable income). Still, you can do a lot with that!

I also did some research on collections accounts and found some emails from previously submitted quarterly reports. I reached out and sent some statements, but haven't gotten a response yet. Caught up with some chores tonight--and yesterday. But with temps back near 90 today, I'm feeling a bit wiped out.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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8/28/17 5:41 P

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outofthefog.website/top-100-t
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/2015/11/4/lack-of-object-con
stancy


I've just stumbled across the idea of 'object constancy'. Very interesting insight, explains some of my ex's behaviors before and after I or the children have been away from him, as well as his ability to be so horrific when he's mad and then forget all about the horrible things he's said.

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8/27/17 2:13 P

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Yeah... I locked down my social media accounts last week, after he was complaining that he couldn't see everything I posted and had set some 'friends' on telling him what he wasn't seeing.
Nope. Way past time to cut the cord.
He's apparently been talking to our son about it, too, because as soon as I did all this, our son started telling me what my username is (was). Heartbreaking, and not a darned thing I can do to stop any of it.

He freaks out every time I leave the house (which, let's be honest, isn't new), so I'm strained between getting out just to get away from him, or staying home so he doesn't transmit the anxiety to the kids. Either way is a lose lose, right?
I've ordered a couple things that will enable me to vacate our office and go work in one of the bedrooms, so I can at least put a door between me and him.

From your lips to god's ears, thanks. He's been physically intimidating me multiple times recently... charging down a hallway or through a doorway at me, but, since I get out of the way, it's not actually him pushing me... it's just intimidating, nothing I could prove or convict in a court of law.

Not all those who wander are lost


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8/26/17 1:18 A

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I just noticed you changed your name! My heart hurts for you and your kids having to live with such craziness and cruelty. I'm thankful my abuse is decades in the past, and that I've healed my spirit in many ways from the damage inflicted. And I will keep praying for your suffering to stop and good to come to you and some karmic payback to end up in you-know-who's lap.

Mainly thinking about how to celebrate sister's birthday in a supportive and meaningful way. And catching up with tasks again.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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8/25/17 6:11 P

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I just looked over his shoulder while he wasn't paying attention and see that he's literally writing down everything I do and at what time and he said it's rude to read over shoulders and that that wasn't today's entry... implying he's got one for every single day.
This is so effing creepy.

Not all those who wander are lost


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8/25/17 10:11 A

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That's funny, this is the second time I've run across the word LISS today, and I hadn't heard it before. It definitely worked well for me when I was just starting out, though.

Sounds like you're continuing to stay busy and make progress in all sorts of areas.

The ex has been stressing me out... he's blowing money left and right on legal carp (he emptied our checking and savings account in early May), subpoenas for financial records that exist in the filecabinet right next to his desk or could be accessed via my Mint account in about 30 seconds, plus he wants depositions $$$$$$$$$$$. Awesome. And of course, he's refusing to use the electronic schedule to communicate, insists on doing it verbally, then claims the conversation never happened or didn't go the way it did, screaming at me where the kids could hear, claiming I'm just pretending to be a mum now and never did before. Our son went two days without hugging or kissing me because of that bs.
Disgusting, absolutely disgusting.

BUT, there is nothing an abuser fears more than exposure. His lawyer has likely warned him that the first of the data about what he's done to us is being filed with the court (tip of the iceberg, prior to discovery).
I've also chosen to lock down all of my social media accounts... he realized I was blocking him from some things on facebook (because he never interacts there, except to mock me), and has had 'friends' reporting back to him what he has not been seeing (just articles I post and pictures of me and the kids having fun without him).
He didn't want me going to my cousin's on monday for the eclipse because he wasn't invited.
I said there's no reason we should still be doing things together because we're not married anymore.
He practically yelled YES we are!!! and that until that divorce is final, I shouldn't be arguing him on this.

Really? It's bad enough I have to spend 24/7 with this control freak still, just because I work from home, but, he is throwing a fit just because I'm 'excluding him' from things by leaving the house.
He literally doesn't want anyone to go anywhere unless it's his idea.
He's gone practically 3 days a week with our son because of Tae Kwon Do and swimming, which are scheduled at the most inconvenient times. Where do I get a say in that? and being stuck home while he's out with my car?

It's mental. It's really mental.

oh, but, I have him on tape (yet again) screaming, then when I ask him not to, he drops his voice down and says he wasn't yelling at all and why do I keep saying that?

I spent two days straight fighting back tears when around people and bawling my eyes out when alone.
I am trying not to be too upset with the 'friends' he's recruited to keep controlling me, because I know how common this is from my readings on abusive tactics.

Not all those who wander are lost


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8/25/17 1:09 A

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I created a one-page Word document with the titles and links to my favorite Jessica Smith workouts--2 with weights, 2 w/ intervals, an express mile walking workout, and flexibility training, with notes on how long and what I like about them. I shared that with my Summer Jam team as an option to boost exercise minutes at home. I'd like to do the same with some Coach Nicole workouts, both short and long, maybe including a chair routine. Any favorites you would recommend? Most of today's that I sent were SP links, though 2 were from You Tube. We're continuing to rock the exercise logging. We have by far the biggest regional team--87, with the next biggest team of 74, and our average per person steps are several thousand higher than 2nd place.

My manager alerted me that he's going on vacation for 2 weeks, and since he's our point leader with over 600,000 steps in 2.5 weeks, we'll miss his daily updates. But he'll keep track while he's gone and log it all when he returns. I'll ask the rest of the team to see if we can maintain 1st place without his numbers for 2 weeks, & see if they rise to the challenge. I also plan to email the few folks who have less than 50K (our average is over 150 K) if they need assistance logging their activity, and to please track consistently. I don't want to be heavy-handed or accusatory about dragging the team down, but they sure aren't helping the average! Actually I've received several kudos from team members about my encouragement and leadership--which is pretty emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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8/24/17 12:51 A

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Today was my day for phones. So in between calls I finished my wage complaint, and did a bunch of Summer Jam work and communicating. And when the computers stopped processing payments, I put in an IT heat ticket, which prompted an announcement to all of Customer Service about the system issues. We were told twice that it was resolved, which I passed on, but we still couldn't process payments, or even log on at one point--and I kept replying to the general emails, updating them. It was well after 4, maybe even 4:30 before the system *really* came back--which was when we could process paperwork for which we had taken cash or checks--since we can write a manual receipt for those. It was challenging, but we managed.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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8/23/17 12:48 A

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We had a couple helpers from another office assisting us at the counter today while we had 4 of our people working to do some concentrated unpacking and reorganizing from the move, and to clear more of an area we used to have which is slated to be given to another work group--possibly the one I interviewed for before vacation. (Still no word on that.) I checked to confirm they transferred all their transactions to Tukwila (since the computer would normally assign their transactions to their home office at Bellevue). When we do a financial search we get 2 days of transactions. One of them had 1 transaction for Bellevue yesterday and the other had 2; I'm not sure of their numbers, but they had 5-8 each today in our office. We are just that much busier. Of course they were at the front counter much of the day, since they didn't have other assignments to handle--wage claims, supply ordering, contractor review, mail, refund requests, etc.

After work, I worked on the current puzzle in the lunchroom for a while. Found a number of pieces after I grouped all the dark colored ones by general shape (4 outies, 4 innies, 3 outies, 3 innies, and 2 each next to each other, and 2 each across from each other; if you puzzle much, that will make sense). At home I was happy I had left 2 fans on, since temps hit the high 80s around here. I did an 18-minute Jessica Smith workout, worth 5 Spark points www.sparkpeople.com/blog/blog.asp?po
st
=feel_the_lowerbody_burn_with_this_qR>uick_circuit_workout

Now I'm having dinner & reading the last Mercy Thompson short story in her collection.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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8/22/17 12:50 A

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Summer Jam and my collections accounts were my main focus at work, oh, and entering a wage complaint that my good friend had been assigned Friday, but didn't see until the end of the day. That happened to me just before vacation, so I had to hand it back to be reassigned. I took Mel's and got it done today. (We have 3 business days to get them entered.) I got a new one assigned at the end of the day, which I'll start tomorrow. But since it's my day for the counter, rather than the phones, we'll see how much time I have to get it done.

We had lots of new Jammers today--the final day to register. We have the largest regional team, 85 people I think. I think we might have had 74 at 5:30 on Friday! And my exhortations to track, track, track helped: We went from 9 players with 0 steps down to 5, even with adding a bunch of new players. We had trailed Region 1 by ~4000 steps for a number of days, but we finally zoomed ahead by 3000, then 9000 steps by day's end!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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8/21/17 12:54 A

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I didn't realize you were getting a knee replacement soon. Praying that all goes well with you and that you recover quickly. I had one emoticon who attested that her consistent yoga practice helped her with her surgery and recovery. So stretching and strengthening even at this point, might prove helpful.
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I couldn't believe how long Tresa and I talked yesterday during our phone meeting--over 3 hours! My phone battery died partway through, and she had to call me back. We went over the plan and I asked a bunch of questions. At least a couple times she said "That's good feedback" about something that was confusing in terminology or formatting; it sounded like she planned to make changes to help future clients make more sense of things.
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I have a much clearer sense of the investment allocation, and the reasons for the various percentages--as well as the understanding that things can change, and new choices can be made later, especially as I learn more & get more comfortable with these financial dealings and decisions. She's going to get a new set of figures to me--hypothetical illustrations showing possible outcomes for the annuity contract we'll be setting up, depending on which option I choose. We have late September slated for when we'll actually set up the accounts and move the money. We'll be doing it in person on a Saturday, so had to schedule a ways ahead. That gives more time for more questions and fine-tuning.
emoticon
That was all yesterday. Today's big accomplishments were getting my haircut--rescheduled from last week, picking up a bunch a books & a DVD from the library, and submitting a new job application tonight.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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CHELZANNE's Photo CHELZANNE Posts: 1,721
8/20/17 10:46 A

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You sound so busy at work, Amanda. I am so proud of you for doing well with your food choices at those challenging times. I appreciate it very much because I know what it is like and all the food choices. You go home knowing that your goals here in SP are working! emoticon

I am two weeks away from the knee replacement surgery. I have been working on my goals here in SP to prepare for it. I am doing okay and trying hard not to be too nervous. So, I went on a long walk today and yesterday, and enjoyed it. I am just walking slower than I used to. That's why that article about LISS here in SP helped me.

LOVE, CHELSEA

TEAM LEAD: WATER AEROBICS

LDS LADY: WWW.LDS.ORG

READING FANATIC: WWW.GOODREADS.COM


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8/19/17 12:53 A

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It was a coworke's birthday (actually Sunday, but we celebrated today), and there was quite a bit of food. I took a piece of 2 croissant sandwiches--1 ham, 1 turkey--which were cut in thirds, so I had 2/3 together. I also took a small slice of a very dark chocolaty layer cake. When I made my coffee at lunch, I found there was also fried chicken & mashed potatoes, and someone was frying up lumpia. I put some chicken and potatoes in a container to take home, and ate the sandwiches & 2 lumpia for lunch, with coffee and cake for dessert. The salad and fruit I had planned to eat went back home, and I had the salad for dinner. I'm glad I practiced moderation, while being able to sample much of what was available. Actually I'll probably have the chicken and potatoes for breakfast--with a bunch of sauteed veggies added in!
emoticon emoticon
Split my time at work between customers, coworkers, Summer Jam and collections accounts. At home I've been reading more Mercy Thompson (by Patricia Briggs) than anything else. I'm on Mercy novel #7, Frost Burned, in which the pack was kidnapped by rogue government agents and mercenaries. It has some great lines. I did a tough high-intensity interval workout with Jessica Smith, so that feels virtuous.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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8/17/17 11:44 P

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I remember reading about lower intensity--what are the other 2 letters, the 'ss' part? I have to be careful of my joints, too. In fact, I did 2 workouts today, one for 10 minutes in the morning, and one for 18 minutes in the evening. I posted about the first one in the Spark resources thread, with a link. The blog and instructions are for a 5-minute workout, but I spent about 1 minute each on the 10 exercises for a 10 minute workout. And I've found a couple of interval workouts by Jessica Smith that I like, that are either low-impact, or where I modify to make them low-impact. One of them has a cool "no-impact running" move that I like that really revs the heart! I think I shared that one recently. If not, I can do it again.

I spent a few timer session on my financial plan, finished reading it & jotting notes and questions, and emailed a few general questions to Tresa in preparation for our phone meeting on Saturday. That was my main goal today, and I'm really glad I accomplished it. I also did a Costco run for produce, mainly, 2 4-packs of salads, peppers, mushrooms, cocktail cukes, fruit, tomatoes, plus a few other things. Also hit the Vitamin Shoppe where I get my St. John's Wort, which TJ's and Target no longer carry. They had a big bottle of their store brand in, so I now have an 8-month supply! I also spent a little time working on the new app, though I'll have more time to finish it this weekend, after my meeting.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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CHELZANNE's Photo CHELZANNE Posts: 1,721
8/17/17 11:02 A

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Glad you had your vacation, BLESSEDBEING! You are very busy! emoticon


I read on SP about LISS exercising (a blog) and it was great. It said that exercising 30-60 minutes at the time, even if slower, is a great day to exercise for those who can't do the "pounding" exercising. My knees love that. So I will try to walk (or water walk when in the pool) 30-60 minutes and see what happens. I may try it also with the recumbent bike.

LOVE, CHELSEA

TEAM LEAD: WATER AEROBICS

LDS LADY: WWW.LDS.ORG

READING FANATIC: WWW.GOODREADS.COM


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8/17/17 1:25 A

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A couple more of Engle's books have come in; I may pick them up tomorrow. I decided to take tomorrow off to review the financial plan Tresa developed--reading it is slow, somewhat laborious going, and work on the Revenue Agent 1 application that closes on Monday.

Yeah, I'll be glad when Summer Jam registration is done, so I can focus on other things. Tumwater took care of the duplicate registration, and we've had even more folks sign up. I learned the coworker who sits behind me thought she had registered, but didn't make it onto the team--just like the other 3 we discovered. Just before I left, I emailed my co-captain (new this year, and inexperienced) to see if he wanted to reach out to the 5 or 6 folks who have registered but never tracked activities, who aren't on vacation (there are 4 who are out). I've already sent 2 targeted emails with hidden addresses, asking them to commit to tracking or to switch to the non-competitive team (which change can only be made through 8/21) where they don't care about average steps per person. Since the team average is currently 67,000, those 10 people with 0 steps are really bringing down the average. So far I've heard bupkis from any of them, and I didn't see a change by late afternoon.

Got a little done with my collections accounts, reaching out by phone &/or email, establishing files and adding to a spreadsheet of accounts. Talked to one lady who hopes to get their missing report and payment submitted by Friday, and another who is meeting with her accountant on the 28th. So I'll be checking on them later to see if they follow through.

At home I've used my timer to work on the financial reading and note taking, on the application, on housework, on Sparking, and reading. I plan to do more of that tomorrow to stay balanced--along with some exercise workouts, and a Costco & library run.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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8/15/17 11:22 P

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[I'm copying this from another team message, so it starts a little funny] emoticon

I just discovered a new kid's book author--Margarita Engle. I have one book that came in to the library that's ready to pick up by her. I was so impressed by Mountain Dog (I think I shared about it, and the lovely, sensory-rich chapters from the dog's POV) that I happened to pick up on a whim at the library. Turns out she's written a number of books about Cuba and Cubans--which I assume is her ethnic heritage.

Actually the buttons make more sense for the Tumwater league, where teams work in a single building or on the same floor, in just a few work groups. They just don't work out in the regions where a team is spread over different offices, and where some staff are always in the office, while others are very rarely there to be seen sporting a button. Yep, I liked my solution that also rewards the people doing the most to boost the team's score (the average steps per player). We are very close to the top team, and if I can get a few of the still-at-zero-steps players (though a few are on vacation) to just track (or switch to the non-competitive team), we may move back into 1st place. We're just past week 1 of a 6-week challenge, so still time to iron things out.

I'm glad I sent another email to the region having them check the player list, since I had heard from 2 people who thought they had registered, but weren't showing up on the team list. That email netted another person who thought her exercises were helping the team, but her registration hadn't completed. She got it fixed after 5, just before my shift ended. Of course, I still have a duplicate registration to get deleted . . .

I also alerted the Wellness group at home office that our team had a false jump of ~15,000 steps person, due to one player making a data entry error that showed her with almost 2 million steps! (The most active plays had 100,000 to 200,000.) I helped her correct her numbers, but wondered why the team average hadn't corrected. Tumwater got an IT guy looking at it, and he found a second person who entered thousands of steps as thousands of minutes which translated to over a million steps. He fixed that one, and added a pop-up message any time somebody tries to record 1000 or more minutes at a time. (I just used my calculator to find there are only 1440 minutes in a whole day!)

Just glad the counter wasn't real busy today, since it was my day for helping there, and I stayed pretty busy with Summer Jam throughout the day!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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8/15/17 1:23 A

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emoticon on the successful shopping!

Spent a bunch of time at work today on our Summer Jam Wellness challenge. They came up with a new activity this year of passing out buttons to participants, then having the team captain hand out raffle tickets to coworkers they see wearing a button. Each team sends in the tickets with names on each week and a name is drawn from the Tumwater (headquarters) league, and another from the Regional League (there are 6 regions and 19 offices statewide). The problem is that we barely got our buttons--and not enough for every participant, and I'm in one office, my co-captain is in another, but who would give out in the third office? Also, some of our inspectors spend almost all of their time in the field, so wouldn't be hanging around the office to be "seen"; even in the office, some team members work in the same area as a captain, but others work in far away parts of the building, or in Seattle, on a different floor. So I proposed a different approach in our Region. I submitted one raffle ticket for everybody who had tracked activity. (Since our competition between teams is based on average steps per person, everyone who registers but never tracks, lowers the team average.) All members who tracked more steps than the team average got 2 tickets, and those with double the average or higher got 3 tickets. That seemed like the most fair approach to me, and my co-captain liked it, so that's what I did: I wrote 79 names on tickets and got them into today's campus mail.

Then I spent some time trying to catch up with my woefully behind collections accounts. Stayed a few minutes after my shift to straighten my cubicle a tiny bit and file a few papers. Then spent a few minutes (my planned 10 turned into 20) puzzling. At home, I started reading the financial plan report Tresa prepared. The intro in her words I liked a lot and understood. The disclaimer and some of the boiler plate stuff was a pain to slog through. Many more pages to go; I had to rest my tired brain!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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8/13/17 4:51 P

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My soon to be ex is still stressing me out a bit and I know he has not yet begun to slander... but, I am almost all caught up at work for the first time in about two months. AND I went out shopping and didn't hate it.
Shopping thin is far more fun than shopping obese... I got a really cute tshirt for $1!!! I got other shirts for pretty cheap and jeans and shorts for low price and a bathing suit for super cheap.

Oh, I also picked up a suit because I saw one that looked good... it turned out to be on sale, too. Woot woot.

The only thing not on sale? Bras. I can't do lace and have some structural issues due to scarring on my chest, plus the weight loss, so, I managed to find 4 that worked, at VS, and got them. I'll have to look elsewhere, too.

I also need some pumps, because my feet are at least half a size smaller than they used to be, maybe slightly more.

Wish the kids weren't being stressed, but, nothing I can do about it for now, and they restart school on Wednesday, so hope they'll be able to focus on that.

Not all those who wander are lost


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8/13/17 12:24 A

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We might get a little emoticon rain soon--which would be fine with me. At least the heat broke, and it's supposed to be in the 70s for the next couple weeks--at least that was the forecast a day or 2 ago.

I did a grocery run, took a nap, did a short Jessica Smith workout (one of the Spark ones that earns me 5 points in addition to my exercise minutes), hennaed my hair, and am just sitting down to a dinner of Trader Joe's lentil soup with added veggies and turkey sausage for dinner.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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CHELZANNE's Photo CHELZANNE Posts: 1,721
8/12/17 10:21 A

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BLESSEDBEING, I also love to read. I read more than one book at the time to keep me entertained. emoticon I just finished Pumped for murder by Elaine Viets, a cozy mystery writer and Death without company by Craig Johnson, second time reading it. Great books.

Today I feel more hopeful than I did two days ago. I will be taking my walk indoors since it is raining and riding the recumbent bike too. I hope everyone has a wonderful day! emoticon emoticon

LOVE, CHELSEA

TEAM LEAD: WATER AEROBICS

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8/12/17 12:37 A

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Not much to report. My 2 days back at work have been moderately busy, and I haven't caught up on my 6 days of emails yet. I've been dealing with Summer Jam planning and communication--that's the biggest annual Wellness/fitness campaign at the agency, and the only competitive one. Last year, for the first time in 9 years (this is year 10), our regional team won the regional league. I've been team captain for several years, and I was as surprised as anybody. I have a co-captain I've never met, who's enthusiastic, but tends to send out very long-winded emails, which I know can turn some people off. Still, it's nice to share some of the work and decision making. I finally tracked my first 4 days of activities, since it started this past Monday and runs 6 weeks.

I've taken to reading a different book at work than at home; I read a couple Star Trek biographies, and then a series of kid's books. I started a new one yesterday at lunch, Mountain Dog by Margarita Engle, and am thoroughly enjoying it! It alternates chapters between a boy's point of view and a dog's. The dog's are short and very sensory-laden, with many happy thoughts, but concern over the boy's sadness. His mother is in prison for dog fighting, and he's been taken in by a great uncle who lives up in the Sierra Nevada (he lived in Los Angeles), who does search and rescue with this dog, Gabe. I highly recommend it!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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8/9/17 9:40 P

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Chelsea, emoticon for the dental pain, and glad the emoticon are helping!

Amy, hope the substitute exam works out for you. Please don't take on any responsibility for the work environment you will hopefully be leaving. emoticon with your statement that had they treated you better, you might not be so eager to leave. They have done nothing to earn your loyalty, so when a better opportunity appears, take it! Your wellbeing matters most.
emoticon
I got 2 loads of laundry done fairly early this morning, before it got too warm. Then did a quick grocery run to Costco for a few items to last me until the weekend, and a Target run, mainly for cat food, since I was down to one small can. Couldn't resist picking up more composition books, since they had a large display out--that 52-cent price just can't be beat, and they don't always have them in stock, not in many colors, anyway. I use them for my morning journaling, plus I have various ones for other recording--financial work, exercise tracking, work with various books, etc.
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I napped a little, and after waking up and having my afternoon coffee, have been doing timer sessions to unpack, put away laundry & dry goods, clean, etc. Then I'll read for awhile--currently reading the 3rd Mercy Thompson novel (Iron Kissed), having finished the 2nd (Blood Bound) earlier today--sometimes with a timer also. This bouncing back and forth really works for me.
emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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CHELZANNE's Photo CHELZANNE Posts: 1,721
8/9/17 10:26 A

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SALAM4545, it is tough to work with difficult people since I go through it. Sounds to me like your new boss is trying to proof herself as competent. It is hard sometimes to be the lead and not know how to do it. I hope you both can have some kind of peaceful coexistence at work. emoticon
Amanda, I am glad your vacation went so well. We all need time off sometimes! So important! Welcome home. emoticon
I spent 3 hours at the dentist yesterday and what misery! I am feeling so much better today (taking 800 mg of ibuprofen every 6 hours) that I am going on an easy 30 min. walk and ride the recumbent bike for 10-20 min. emoticon

LOVE, CHELSEA

TEAM LEAD: WATER AEROBICS

LDS LADY: WWW.LDS.ORG

READING FANATIC: WWW.GOODREADS.COM


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8/9/17 12:40 A

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I got frustrated at work the last few days. I think it's because our assistant director is retiring, and the owners stepdaughter will be taking her place, so the director is suddenly trying to enforce the owners philosophy. She's telling us to do things really differently than I have heard over the last 2 years, and treating us like we're idiots if we don't understand what she's talking about. She's been there 18 years, she knows the philosophy backwards and forwards, but she never really trained the rest of us. The way she's been acting has brought up a lot of memories of my husbands behavior, and I've already been dealing with him acting like a complete hind end of a donkey since I took the kids to SeaWorld. Between the two of them I've been horribly upset.

So, I'm going to take the test to be a substitute. As long as I work consistently I will be making more money than I have been. Unfortunately, the slots to take the test this month are mostly full, except for times when I have to work. I don't think there will be much demand for subs before mid September, so I have some time to get it done, but I'm chomping at the bit. I feel a bit guilty, since it means that they will not have any long term teachers left (my co-teacher left 3 months ago, and now another teacher retiring, which means that I am the only one left who has been there more than a year), so I have to keep reminding myself that if they had wanted to keep me they would have treated me better.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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8/9/17 12:32 A

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The drive back today (from Albany, OR) was so much better than the one down! Yesterday we hit low 90s, but today was mostly in the 80s--much more bearable! We just stuck to the 2 kitchen stores at the Centralia outlets, and both scored a few items we were searching for. I've been collecting receipts and will figure out our spending, and who owes whom how much. With Mary picking up the hotel, and me the gas and most of the meals out, we think we'll be close to even. Of course I discovered a couple of food items we forgot to pull out for her before I drove back to Tukwila. I tried a slightly different way back, and got a little lost for a bit, and had to turn around and retrace steps before I discovered that Puyallup (Ave or Blvd) turns into 24th! No wonder I missed it!

Dora was very glad to have me home. My friend Cheryl had run the A/C some, and left the living room fan on, so the apartment was not too hot--very happily! Grabbed a tiny bit of food at a convenience store close to home, since I had used up or taken most everything on hand, particularly the perishables. Think I'll be turning in soon, even after drinking a late iced latte to stay alert on the final leg of the trip from Mary's house to mine.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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8/7/17 10:31 P

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What a great suggestion about separate mediation sessions, Amy! I didn't know that was possible. Glad you and the girls enjoyed your vacation.

Our 6-Pack weekends always pass too quickly, but they feed the spirit so deeply. We talked to Susan (our 6th and missing member, who couldn't make it this year from Hawaii) yesterday for close to an hour, catching her up on us, and us on her and her family. I've known her since 4th grade, 53 years ago, the same year my sister met Pat in 7th grade. Then there's Kathy whom I went to high school with; Sue and I have known her for 47 years. My sister met Meg in college 39 years ago. We're talking about doing the Skagit Valley Tulip Festival together either next year or in 3 years (depending on Susan), which falls in April, since we have to work around Passover (Kathy works at a synagogue).

This is the first year Mary and I are taking an extra day driving back. We got into Albany around 5, and came back a little while ago from dinner at Burgerville. We're planning on lunch and a little shopping at the Centralia outlets tomorrow, and should get back home mid-afternoon. I'll be happy to see Dora, who's been looked in on by a dear Spark friend. After we got away from the coast (and temps in the 60s), we got to the 90s as we traveled along I-5, which was definitely warm, but much less debilitating than the 100s we suffered coming south.

Hope everyone has a fantastic week planned!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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8/7/17 2:40 P

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I'll definitely keep that in mind about mediation, thank you. It would be a lot easier for me to just focus on the issues (cause trust me, he'll get mad at me not for what I'm saying but for HOW I'm saying it... projection, totally).

Glad you had a fun time at SeaWorld, and sorry about the other stuff...
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8/7/17 1:51 A

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Hi Ladies! It sounds like you all had a lot of successes this past week!

Amanda, your vacation sounds lovely! Are you going with your sister again? Oregon sounds wonderful right now. I had hoped to go up there for the eclipse, but I don't think I will be able to. I might try to get a little further North for it though, so I can take the girls.

MISSDORKNESS congratulations on your mediation and you weight loss successes! Mediation can be awful, so I am glad that it went well for you. If you have to do them after the divorce, think about requesting to do them separately. I've done that since my first few mediations, and it has made a huge difference. Not knowing what I am saying causes my ex to behave like ...well, like himself, which works out in my favor.

COBEBU, I'm glad you are past your "down days" and are exercising. It's so hard to get back on the horse, but you inspire me!

I took the girls on a quick vacation this week to SeaWorld, and we had a tremendous time! We met my cousin and her daughter there, and spent a whole day. Of course, my ex is taking his revenge by acting like a jerk, texting incessantly, and making the girls miserable when they visited him. They spent last night with him, and I found myself having an anxiety attack for the first time in a while. He even called my cousin and harassed her when he found her number in my daughters phone! Fortunately, my cousin understood what had happened, but it brought back a lot of old emotions.

Sometimes I wonder if, as I lose weight, all the emotions I buried are coming back up, like they were trapped in the fat and are now being set free. I also wonder if I can deal with them better now that the situation that caused them is long past.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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8/7/17 1:38 A

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Glad you are doing better, Chelsea. Hope you find something nice for sis, Miss D.

The sharing has been deep and supportive. Took a long walk on the beach today (close to an hour), feeling it a little tonight climbing up the stairs to the loft. Full moon is gorgeous!

Potato bar and left over salad for dinner, then we divided up the groceries we bought together to take home. One friend figures the cost for each person depending on what they spent. These 3 days and nights of meals and lodgings ran less than $90 per person per day, for a marvelous house w/ a hot tub in the backyard surrounded by plants. We will most likely come back here again!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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CHELZANNE's Photo CHELZANNE Posts: 1,721
8/5/17 11:02 A

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Hello ladies! I am glad you are enjoying your vacation. They are so important.

I am doing okay. The last two days were "down" days but I am back on the horse again! I will be riding the recumbent indoor bike today plus doing laundry and getting rid of some clothes. emoticon

LOVE, CHELSEA

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8/4/17 10:29 A

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Glad you're vacationing in cooler climes!
My boss in Camas was thrilled to be on a work trip out east this week to miss the worst of the heat.

Aw, sounds like a great time!

It's my sister's birthday next week. I should find something nice to send her, because I don't think I'll get a chance to get over to see her.

Not all those who wander are lost


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8/4/17 1:07 A

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And I thought we had it bad in the Seattle area with several days in the 90s--but we hit triple digits around Portland, got as high as 107, and didn't get back down to the high 90s until we turned onto Hwy 38 toward the coast. Had to go quite a ways before we got down to the 80s, and then the 70s, and hit Reedsport on the coast where it was 67--40 degrees cooler than our top temp of the day!!

Went to our favorite Mexican restaurant, a short walk from the hotel, played games for a bit, and we're turning in pretty soon here. So glad to be relaxing at last with sister; we've been doing lots of talking and catching up, and hanging out where the air is as cool as we are! emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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8/2/17 10:40 P

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Glad you are finding exercises that don't add to the pain, Chelsea. I have tried various ones on Spark TV and a number by Jessica Smith (some of hers are featured Spark blogs and get you 5 points for doing, besides the exercise minutes you can add. Some of hers I really haven't liked, but I've found a number of favorites that I do quite often. I'd be happy to share them.

I think the interview went pretty well. It's not a slam dunk, but I think there's a good chance I'll be picked. I did ask about when they wanted their chosen person to start--by Sept 1, maybe sooner. And I did let them know I will be on vacation and out of the state until the middle of next week, but can be reached by my personal email. (I don't have remote access to work email.) I also shared a couple of items on the gratitude thread related to the bus rides to Seattle and back.

I'm continuing to pack and prepare for vacation in little spurts, with fans running in the bedroom and living room. I haven't hooked the a/c unit yet (big flexible hose has to get set into the window so the hot air can blow outside). I'm adding the directions for its use for my cat sitter. Finally typing out information so I don't end up writing things longhand--again!

I'm taking my laptop, but may be doing less Sparking than usual, since I'll be busy gabbing with the girls! emoticon emoticon emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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CHELZANNE's Photo CHELZANNE Posts: 1,721
8/2/17 11:33 A

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BLESSEDBEING, busy, busy! I wish you the very best with your work and interview. emoticon

MISSDORKNESS, people who lie a lot, ultimately, it all catches up with them. Your ex's actions will speak louder than his words. AND good for you!! You are doing awesomely! emoticon emoticon

I am okay. I struggle some with chronic physical pain so the last month was a challenge to try to find what exercises didn't add to the pain. I rode the recumbent bike yesterday for 30 min. and I did great! Very happy about that. Today I will do it again and a sitting SP video clip. Enjoy your day everyone! emoticon



LOVE, CHELSEA

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8/1/17 10:44 P

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Glad you weren't pressured by the mediator and things went better than expected. I'm just so emoticon you have to go through all of this. Good to know you are so strong and capable and have made so many positive changes in your life already. What is the next step?

Oh, Lammas blessings to all! These pagan holidays (the solstices and equinoxes, and the festival days that fall in halfway between) move around a little and can vary as much as 3-4 days. I didn't realize until just now when I Googled Lammas 2017 that it was today and not tomorrow. (Only Beltane/May Day and Samhain/Halloween are celebrated on set dates.)

I finished what I could at work. Looking forward to catching up on some emails and Summer Jam communicating tomorrow while waiting for my interview. I'm too tired to attempt much else tonight, so will be going to bed earlier than normal for me. I'm feeling good about what I've done so far, and what I have planned to get done tomorrow. Blessings to all the SAssies!

Edited by: BLESSEDBEING at: 8/2/2017 (00:13)
Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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8/1/17 11:04 A

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Thanks!
I am excited for both of you about vacation and/or books. I am looking forward to having more time to read once this is all over with.

Mediation went better than expected. The mediator did not at all pressure me to compromise. (I went through mediation with my ex and we were both pressured to compromise... but, he was just self-centered and dumb, neither myself nor my older son were at all afraid of him, he lied, but, didn't threaten, you know?)
Anyway, my soon-to-be-ex-husband did all of the talking, tried to be buddy buddy, name-dropping with the guy, constantly insulting or contradicting me me, saying he didn't want to get a divorce, this is all a shock to him.
Questioned the real estate evaluation OF THE REALTOR HE CALLED when he wanted us to buy a giant new house I couldn't afford last year (he's trying to suck me dry).
Interrupted about the only time I was talking (about the benefits of mediation) to point out that I wasn't married when I had my first child at age 23 (egads! I'm such a scandal). The dood was like, um, and?

But, of course, the second we get to talks of custody and I used the words 'temper' and 'violent' and my ex-husband goes into DENY, DENY, DENY.

The guy was very good at placating, but, after only 15 minutes of speaking with us, it took him another 15 minutes to calm down my ex and get us out of the room.

He was gone from about 10am to 6:30pm... and he was palpably angsty when he left the house... which means, I didn't get ANY work done because our youngest was super stressed and wanted to cuddle me the entire time until Daddy got back home.

Anyway, was really happy my mom was able to get the day off work and come watch the kids... and I borrowed her car because there was no way I was getting in a car with him, knowing what I was likely to have to say during this session. The kids had a good time with her and I got lots of fresh veg from her garden.

Not all those who wander are lost


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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (207,694)
Fitness Minutes: (158,524)
Posts: 13,960
7/31/17 11:20 P

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SP is my only online community. I'm not sure I'd want to spend much more time on the computer, though I always love discussing books. BTW, we have a What are you reading or watching thread in the Just for fun forum, that I often post on.
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I, too, enjoy exercising in the morning, but I very rarely do any before work, since that's my coffee-drinking and journaling time, which is how I set myself up for a positive day.
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I heard back from the supervisor I'm interviewing with, who hadn't been able to arrange an early session with the other panel members, so I'll be taking a few hours out of what would have been the first day of vacation, bussing up to Seattle early (safety cushion), probably working on emails and getting ready for Summer Jam (our big Wellness challenge which starts when I'm away), then bussing back in 90+ weather!
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The good news is I don't have to do laundry before packing, as I often do. I've pulled together almost all the clothes I'm taking, and am checking items off my packing and preparation lists. So glad for the planning work I did this weekend! I'll do one last grocery run tomorrow after work or Wed morning, and gas up at Costco. Then we'll start out with a full tank, and can easily tell just how much we used for splitting costs. I'm so excited!
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Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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CHELZANNE's Photo CHELZANNE Posts: 1,721
7/31/17 10:25 A

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Wow, BLESSEDBEING, thanks! I will check it out. And thanks for sharing what you are reading. Are you a member of Goodreads? It is for readers and the ads are minimal and all about books. I have been there for a while and you can keep book lists there, etc. It is fun and I have met some great people.

I did my walk for today and feel great about that. When I start my day exercising, I feel better and anything else I do is extra! emoticon

LOVE, CHELSEA

TEAM LEAD: WATER AEROBICS

LDS LADY: WWW.LDS.ORG

READING FANATIC: WWW.GOODREADS.COM


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