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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 813
8/29/15 11:29 P

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I got 2 impromptu phone interviews on Friday! It was extremely heartening.

My kids and I had a little "Come to Jesus" meeting about doing their chores. It involved me losing my temper. My house is a lot cleaner and I don't even feel guilty. Their last chore before they are off restriction is to clean their rooms. They may be on restriction for a very long time. Hee Hee! emoticon

In the meantime I'm watching a lot of Chopped, because all the other grown up shows are boring. Or I've just never seen them before and am not interested.

Life is boring when the house is clean.



What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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8/28/15 12:12 A

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I wrote a blog about a little angel who hugged me today. I had never seen this child before, but she walked up and hugged me. It was awesome. emoticon

I flipped out because my ex somehow viewing my Facebook page and was able to download one of my pictures of the girls. I've notified police, but I don't have much proof except my kids telling me he had the picture and told them where he got it. I know it sounds bad, but I wish he would disappear. Just so I wouldn't have to watch my back all the time.

I've been downloading free e-books. Most are pretty awful, but I've found some real gems. Unfortunately, I am a member of the grammar police, so most of my reviews are negative.

I have really got to find some more authors.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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8/28/15 12:12 A

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I wrote a blog about a little angel who hugged me today. I had never seen this child before, but she walked up and hugged me. It was awesome. emoticon

I flipped out because my ex somehow viewing my Facebook page and was able to download one of my pictures of the girls. I've notified police, but I don't have much proof except my kids telling me he had the picture and told them where he got it. I know it sounds bad, but I wish he would disappear. Just so I wouldn't have to watch my back all the time.

I've been downloading free e-books. Most are pretty awful, but I've found some real gems. Unfortunately, I am a member of the grammar police, so most of my reviews are negative.

I have really got to find some more authors.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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8/27/15 11:25 P

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Great perspective on the "practice" interview. Keeping good thoughts for your search. Bowling sounds like a fun way to celebrate. Have a great time. Loving the Witchcraft series--thanks so much for recommending it!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 813
8/26/15 4:20 P

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I'm glad you're looking at some other things. I decided to write out some prayers for myself to find a good place for myself. Maybe light some green and purple candles as well. I have been burning some white sage incense sticks, partly to get rid of negative feelings around the house, and partly because the flies are really bad this year, and someone told me that smoke from incense is a good way to combat them.

My interview did not go especially well, but I have reviewed what I've done so that I can do better next time. The interview was for a Montessori school, which is a method I don't especially like, and seems to have a high turnover of teachers. So I am thinking of it as a practice interview.

My daughter had her 10th birthday Monday. She still wants a large party with friends, and I'm a little worried about affording it, but I will find a way. I'm thinking we may do it at the bowling alley, so the kids have an activity and I don't eat my way through the party.

I just read "If Walls Could Talk", the first book in Juliet Blackwell's other series. It was really good. If you have an e-reader, I also recommend Lois Winston books. She doesn't publish hard copies, but her stories are really entertaining.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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8/25/15 12:18 A

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I submitted another application tonight: a Program Coordinator at Green River Community College not too far away. Of course that's the same place I applied for the Bookstore Manager Assistant, and wasn't invited to interview. So no idea if I'll be considered or not, but glad I applied. This one asked the same questions about diversity, so I was able to copy my responses from last month's supplemental questions; just needed a new cover letter.

Hope everyone is having a great start to their week!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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8/23/15 10:23 P

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I've had a number of 100+ point days in a row, but not today. I'm not likely to get much more than 50 today! I've spent so much time on applications, that I've done next to nothing to track. Still in my jammies, haven't exercised--haven't even reached 500 steps around the apartment! (I usually log 60-90 minutes or more.)

But I submitted the application for the Program Coordinator position with my sister's agency, and sketched my first draft of the cover letter for a Program Coordinator at a local community college. Both positions are at a higher salary range, and involved in education, which I would love. No idea if I'll get interviewed for either, but glad I'm putting myself in the running. And yes, I do plan to start looking beyond the state system--just not right away.

Wishing you all a good evening, and a great start to your week! emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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8/22/15 9:59 P

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Definitely feeling better than I was yesterday! I took an outing to the Kubota Japanese Garden in Seattle, which turned out to be close--less than 10 minutes away. It is much larger than the last one I visited. I walked many paths, some with elevation, and saw many ponds, some koi, bridges, small waterfalls and lots of trees, rocks and plants. Very enjoyable! I took a few pictures, which I'll see if I can figure out how to download from my phone tomorrow!

I've finished the 3 essay supplemental questions for the new application. Tomorrow I'll write the cover letter and submit the application--due Monday at 5 pm. I think I'll take a little break after that one, and start looking into non-state avenues.

I've started a new mystery series, recommended by a Spark Friend--the Witchcraft cozy mystery series featuring a hereditary witch running a vintage clothes shop in San Francisco. I'm greatly enjoying the debut novel, Secondhand Spirits, by Juliet Blackwell.
emoticon Amy! emoticon emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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8/21/15 10:59 P

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Wishing you great luck on the interview on Monday! emoticon I understand the nerves. Let me know how it goes.

It's not so much that I'm sick, as I'm not well--exhausted, out of balance & off. I was kind of light-headed and woolly-headed at times yesterday, and took naps yesterday and today--which may be part of why I didn't get really sick. I just know I need to make changes. Where I am and how work is run just isn't good for me.

Maybe I'll focus my prayers on guidance to the right place and the right people. It's not like I haven't been praying for a better job for years, but while the salary has improved, the workload and stress and lack of positive change remain extremely demoralizing and debilitating.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 813
8/21/15 3:20 P

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Oh wow, I hope you feel better soon. Being sick this time of year is never fun. It's better in January, when you can bundle up in a comforter and eat chicken soup without getting overheated.

I have a job interview for a Montessori preschool on Monday, so I will be updating my portfolio all this weekend. Just the thought makes me anxious. Partly because I don't know very much about Montessori, partly because job interviews make me nervous, and partly because getting a job will mean finding care for my kids, at least someone picking them up from school. My friend Linda has already said she would, but it makes me anxious anyway, feeling as though someone else is forced to take responsibility for my kids. Also, it's for a toddler teacher, and I haven't got my infant/toddler care class yet (it's hard to get into because so many people need it). I know that if that is really important they would have put it in the ad for the job, but I am still anxious.

Hordes of flies have come into my house. I've set up traps, but it's not enough. Looked online to see how to get rid of them but it doesn't help much. I may just turn on the vaccuum and try to suck them out of the air. I am not feeling too friendly to my neighbors with their 3 dogs and 4 puppies, even though the puppies are really darn cute (Bishon/ poodle mix).

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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8/20/15 10:25 P

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What a blessing to have someone to help clean! How nice of her mom to direct her your way, too! emoticon You deserve a nice gift like that, & I understand you'll be happy to pay her when you can.

Yes, I'll start making a plan of where and how to look, and take a babystep approach, even as I may keep applying for some state jobs, cuz it would be really nice to keep all my leave and benefits!

I worked a little over half the day, came home sick, will probably stay home tomorrow. Many things I'd like to start doing, but we'll see what energy I do or don't have. I took a longish nap, and my nose is a bit drippy, so I'll think happy and healthy thoughts and see where it gets me. emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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8/20/15 8:25 P

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Have you tried making a list of things you would like to do? Other than working for government, I mean. You have your teaching experience, so you could always sub. On craigslist they are always advertising for editors or copy writers.Places always need receptionists and administrative aides. The Peace Corps is looking for teachers, too. You could live in Africa!

The girls started school yesterday. I was lonely and ate too much. Sigh. Today was a little better, as I was able to get some work done.

My daughters friend, who is 11 years old, came over to clean my house. Apparently she was stressed out and her house was already clean, so she came over here. Apparently her mother said "Sophie's mom is a single mother, and her kids don't like to clean." Then she called me and said "My daughter is driving me nuts with the cleaning. Can I send her to you? If she mops my floor one more time it will wear a hole in the floor."

When I do get a job, I may pay this kid to visit me on weekends. Maybe she can tutor my girls. emoticon

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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8/18/15 11:58 P

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So glad things went OK in court. Hope you will find a family member who is trustworthy, and good about the restraining order. I understand about the needing to recover your energy after that, and how lethargic and cranky the heat can make you! I've been managing with my a/c portable unit and fans.

Good advice on the job front-- emoticon It does take a lot out of you. As I updated my other teams:

As I mentioned in my status and on the wall, I learned today I didn't get either of the jobs with the safety and health division. They wanted someone who *really* wanted to work with DOSH, and demonstrated that, and frankly I'm just not that excited about safety and health compliance, citations and education.

So starting over again, and yeah, I want to look outside the state. Though so far the only nibbles I've gotten have been insurance companies wanting people for commission-based positions. So feeling a bit down, since rejection's never fun.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 813
8/18/15 5:09 P

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Your job searches have been a real lesson for me, as I am now in the same boat. I'm finishing up my work to get a credential to substitute, but in the meantime I am applying for other jobs as well. It is incredibly demoralizing to have expertise, yet only be invited to interview for jobs that pay $9 per hour.

Things went okay in court. His lawyer, Cruella, proposed a settlement, and we countered, so we were able to come to an agreement. I agreed to 3 months of visitation supervised by a mutually agreed upon family member, and then the kids will see a mediator to determine unsupervised visitation. In exchange they will honor the Restraining Order until January 2018. After we made the agreement and the judge approved it, I found out his lawyer hadn't consulted him before agreeing to it, and his brother is no longer able to supervise. So I am waiting to find out who he proposes, and will have to meet with them before I will agree to them being the supervisor. I did manage to make sure there will be no overnights, at least for awhile. Since he is not paying support, I am in a position to be a little more demanding.

Since then I've pretty much done nothing but sleep. This heat wave really stole all my energy. I've been swimming to get exercise, since I am barely managing to get more than 3000 steps every day. The kids and I have all been really cranky, too, and I suspect it's largely because of the heat.

Don't feel as though you must have enough energy to keep applying every day. Take a week off to replenish your supply of energy, and to focus on making the best of the situation you are in. At least you will be giving yourself a chance to feel good about the energy you are putting into this task. Think of it like exercise...even Olympic athletes give themselves a day off to let thier bodies rest. You might need some mental rest.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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8/18/15 12:38 A

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My energy is still fluctuating. Found out the college held interviews back in July for the bookstore position--I just wasn't asked. I asked if they could tell me why I wasn't considered, since I thought I was extremely well-qualified. Don't know if I'll get an answer. One of the apps I'm starting to work on is for a position there, I'm wondering if it's worth my while. Two are with the agency where my sister works. Still waiting to hear on the last ones I interviewed for.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.2 
 
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8/17/15 12:40 A

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Oh, fiddlesticks! I just went to copy 3 paragraphs to share with my other teams, but hit the paste key instead, and lost it all!
emoticon (Took a break, and will now try to reconstruct what I had written)

I got my hair trimmed, then met my sister for lunch. We walked a little bit together, then I checked out a park in Federal Way (the town halfway between us, where we often meet). It has a lake with a swimming beach, though I never found the walking trails I thought were there. Many groups picnicking, and a nice big playground area for kids. I may return next weekend for some swimming as exercise.

I found a couple jobs to apply for--but I just can't make myself gear up again right now. I've been proud of how I'm been handling stressors at work, and my discipline in the job searching, but I'm starting to struggle. I did some journaling on this today, and made an appointment with Katie; I haven't seen her in some weeks. And I'm trying really hard to focus on the progress I'm making, no matter how much remains to be done!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.2 
 
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8/15/15 10:54 P

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I haven't managed to do a lot today. Got groceries, did a little cleaning, but a lot of reading. Just not much energy. Picked up more than a dozen books at the library that all came in at the same time!
emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.2 
 
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8/14/15 11:24 P

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I'm frustrated with Spark and tech stuff. Team points haven't updated for days and I can't spin for logon or bonus points because I haven't downloaded an Adobe Flash player. I've tried to twice, but it hasn't worked. I keep getting messages to close internet Explorer--which I did, in fact I closed every blessed thing except the download, but it thinks it's still up. I opened the task manager and ended everything there, but it won't download. I guess I'll have to find a hour or two to get the Geek Squad on it. Whatever. Maybe I'll just let them keep spinning for me, and it's something I'll have to give up (having an actual wheel to spin, where I can see the points that are available going around). I just hope they won't take team spins away, without some special download!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.2 
 
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8/11/15 8:48 P

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I took the day off; some of it will go to administrative leave--for my interview for a state job, including travel time, which I did by bus. The station where I got off is less than a block from the Seattle office, another stop is just down the hill from me, 2-3 blocks away. As parking is horribly expensive in Seattle, I'm sure I'd just take the bus if I get the job, and pick up a monthly bus pass.

My studying and Excel practice totally paid off, as I was able to do the Excel exercise just fine. I feel pretty good about the interview section as well. I had a lot of experience and positive things to say throughout, and I got the feeling the supervisor leading the interview liked what she heard. She would be a very good supervisor to work for, from what I've heard. I'm hoping for the best. And they want to make a decision quickly (or as quickly as can be done in state government emoticon ); there is a chance they may do second interviews, if they have several top choices.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.2 
 
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8/9/15 10:54 P

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Thanks for the author tip; I'm always on the lookout! emoticon emoticon I'll check my library system.

I think I've done all the Excel prep I'm going to attempt. I have some cool charts and pages I printed out as examples. I also have a page of items I got from my research into our Safety program from the public website. I may still compose a "why I'm a great candidate" page, as I often do. And I'll print up my references as well, same as my last DOSH interview.

I just discovered they re-posted the Seattle Office Manager position for which I interviewed last month. I guess the top person in the region wanted to look at more people. Whether I'll be considered again or not, I have no idea. There are a couple more I may apply for, but I want to finish Tuesday's interview before I look at anything else.

I did take a break today and check out the botanical garden in the adjacent town of SeaTac (yes, named for the airport). It was pretty small, so it didn't take long to see all of it. Some peaceful spots with benches, some nice water features and a Japanese garden with water and 3 tiny bridges. Afterwards, I went by Lowe's and picked up some medium-sized potted plants for the balcony. I'll repot them soon. It'll be nice to have some color out there again. emoticon

I just put a bunch of Juliet's books on hold with my library system. I'm looking forward to reading them. It's looks like she has at least 2 series, possibly 3 or some stand alones. Oh, and I'll be praying for you and the girls that things go well at court: justice and a minimum of drama, and that you can remain calm and centered and empowered, and tell your truth with clarity and confidence. emoticon

Edited by: BLESSEDBEING at: 8/9/2015 (23:03)
Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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8/9/15 7:38 P

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I'm sorry I haven't been around. Stupid internet service. emoticon

My teat went pretty well, although it was really intense. So I sent away for my college transcripts and applying for a 30-day credential. After that, I'll be able to sub. in the meantime I am applying for other pre-k positions and working on my resume.

This was my kids last week at camp. We are all going to miss it! It was one of those places that are just filled with good vibes. And it gave me the chance to walk around in a beautiful neighborhood, and nourish my spirit.

I go to court next week. I'm relieved that we are finally going to trial, but scared too. I know his lawyer is going to try to intimidate me and he'll be staring daggers at me. It seems like I am the one on trial, even though it's really him. My kids are nervous too, because they are afraid that if things go badly for him that he will blame them.

In the meantime, we are getting ready for school. The kids were excited to go to public school, but then they found out they still have to wear a uniform. Now they are less excited about it. emoticon

I recently found a new (for me) author, Juliet Blackwell. I think you would like her. Cozy mysteries with paranormal mixed in. They are pretty entertaining, and well written. I tried to get them from my library, but all I could get was the audio books, which I dislike, because I like to do my own interpretation of the sentences. I may have to resort to buying them. They are good enough for that (and I'm a real cheapskate, so that is saying something)!


What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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8/8/15 10:36 P

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I've been practicing my Excel, especially making charts. So I decided to get some practice with meaningful data. I brought home statistics from work, comparing transactions between the 3 offices, and made up some cool worksheets with tables and charts that demonstrate just how much more we do than our sister offices--and why we are overworked, or have inadequate time for all our tasks. At least that is what I've been trying to get management to understand and act on for years, and these new charts make a compelling visual statement.
emoticon Go Me! emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.2 
 
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8/7/15 12:51 A

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I didn't Spark much last night, as I was finishing my re-reading of Dean Koontz' Watchers--such a wonderful book! I've always said Einstein (the golden retriever with enhanced intelligence who escapes from a government lab) is one of my favorite characters in fiction. When the human protagonists figure out how to communicate with him, it is so very thrilling. And the pathos of the monster, another result of genetic experimentation, who was bred to kill, and has enough self-awareness to hate his ugliness, is deeply effecting. Then tonight, I brought home more stats from work and used them to practice making Excel charts.

Got caught up with 2 things at work, still behind in many other areas. Using my breaks to say affirmations and let go of the nuttiness, and keep refocusing on my own goals, and not on the craziness and lack of support and staffing.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.2 
 
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8/4/15 10:57 P

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I got a call from the Safety supervisor in the Seattle office, and sure enough, I've been invited to interview for their support position next Tuesday. That gives me several days to continue studying and practicing my Excel skills!

I played with charts today after work, but need a lot more practice to be able to put one together quickly. Also want to review formulas, functions, sorting and filtering. It will be interesting. I don't know that supervisor well, but she was on the panel for my office manager interview, so she's aware of some of my other skills, which could prove helpful.

Had another day of starting behind and staying there, and as I told the manager (my boss' boss) it just feels like we will never ever catch up--which gets demoralizing. So I will be thrilled to get out of my program and go support another where there's at least a chance I can keep up with the workload.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.2 
 
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8/3/15 10:34 P

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I'm thinking good thoughts for your test emoticon (that's me, praying *really* hard!) emoticon Also for finding the right cable/internet deal that works for you.

I'm wanting to plan an outing soon. My car needs more highway miles, and I'd like to get away to someplace new and interesting, where I'm not thinking about job applications!

I did some more Excel study; haven't gotten to the charts lesson yet. I may need that and the sorting and filtering data lessons for the next skills assessment I might have.

We are playing major catch up at work after last week, but the good news is I'm getting along better with my supervisor.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.2 
 
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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 813
8/3/15 1:35 A

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Wow! That test seems like a real bear! I like Excel programs, but I never learned to do anything more than bar charts.

My test is coming up on Wednesday. I've taken a couple of practice tests, so I feel pretty confident, but I am a little nervous about the math portion. I think I will be okay as long as they let me use a pencil and paper, but I'm not sure they will let me. I have to get a combined score of 123 to pass. Each time you take it it's $100, so I am really hoping to pass on the first try.

I have to start researching a new cable and internet company. They charge way too much, and my internet data usage runs out mid month. It drives me nuts. It's really hard to get any company to do it in the area that I live in. That's the frustrating part of living in an older area of town. Oh well, at least I don't have to go to the library to use the computer anymore.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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8/1/15 9:55 P

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Loved this article on today's Start page
www.sparkpeople.com/resource/fitness
_a
rticles.asp?id=898
about teaching children to love their bodies. Even if you're not a parent, it can help adults, too!

Edited by: BLESSEDBEING at: 8/1/2015 (22:14)
Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.2 
 
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7/31/15 10:44 P

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I feel pretty good about my interview. I couldn't get a real sense of what they were looking for. I know 3 other people who interviewed, but not how we might compare. I was right about the skills assessment: typing up a report and making corrections in a Word document, plus creating an Excel spreadsheet with some statistics sorted and presented as a bar graph and pie chart!

Since I've never created charts out of data in Excel, I started with the report. With 20 minutes total time, I spent more than half on that. I think I did fine there, correcting spelling & punctuation, grammar and voice. I simply opened an Excel doc, gave a title, column headings and organized the data as directed, formatting column width and row height, using bold fonts where appropriate. I didn't mess with formulas, as I knew that would take me too long, but sorted the list as I typed in the data. I got that done and saved as directed, and had just used the help tool to see if I could start doing any charting, when I was told the time was up. So I'm glad I spent the time where it would do me the most good. And now I know what to focus on to prep for my next interview (if I get one) for the Seattle DOSH position, which would do some of the same work, but include more administrative tasks, such as I have experience with.

When talking with a friend who did not interview, she said she heard from others that it (the exam part) was really hard. So I'm not too worried about it. It's in their hands now. I was originally scheduled for the afternoon--meaning I would miss End of Day, our financial reconciliation and deposit prep which is always hardest on the final day to pay quarterly taxes (like today). I emailed them this morning from home, asking to fill in another slot if one opened. And they took me at 12:30, so I was able to help count in the $8000 + in cash and $7000 + in checks. We made it through, and we all have a lot of stuff to catch up on Monday, but none of us had to stay real late today. Whew!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.2 
 
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7/29/15 10:13 P

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I can't imagine how tough that would be for both them and for you. And you're right, you can start dealing with the sugar addiction. The therapist might have some resources to help there.

Good luck with the sub test. When is it?

Things were better today. I realize I got caught in the middle of a "turf war" between Office Managers, exacerbated by a peer in another office who I've learned is not trustworthy, and whom I'll never ask for help again. I also realized some of the strong emotions on my part (at least to a degree) come from a negligent mother who a couple of times made inappropriate comments that indicated she blamed me (at the time anyway) for the toxic dynamics and my own abuse. I was the one it was safe to lash out at anyway. I just got today that their names are similar, as are their body types, and so I'm likely projecting some old stuff onto our relationship--such as it is.

Today was completely busy and crazy, being short staffed, and taxi drivers not waiting till the last day, and way too many contractors trying to register (a process that can take 30 to 60 minutes each). Two of our former CSSs who now work for other programs at our office actually helped out at the counter while lunches were finishing and we did our daily deposit reconciliation. I and others thanked them repeatedly for the assist!

I've done a couple lessons in an online Excel basics course tonight, and am enjoying it. Our Electrical Supervisor also agreed to be a reference, which might help with the Safety folks. So high hopes.

Edited by: BLESSEDBEING at: 7/29/2015 (23:20)
Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.2 
 
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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 813
7/29/15 12:22 A

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I'm glad you spent a day getting the little luxuries. I admit, I really need to get my car washed, but with the drought, I put it off until the car is a traveling mud puddle.

I paid to test to be a substitute teacher today. It's expensive, but at least if I have a good grade I can start working.

The girls have been very moody since seeing their dad at the grocery store. I didn't let them go up to him, and Sara got very angry. She finally said "Fine, but when we get home I'm gonna need chocolate pudding!" I'm really concerned about how much sugar she eats, especially since she doesn't seem to be able to put limits on it. If she eats 1 piece of candy she won't stop til she's eaten the whole bag. When she said she would need pudding, I realized that she's got a very real addiction. In a way it was good, because I can work to address it now.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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7/29/15 12:15 A

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Just learned today there will be "an exam" after the interview on Friday. I wondered if there would be an Excel skills assessment (which could be pretty tough for me) or some such. Though they mentioned proofreading in the announcement--I could rock that! I checked with our Electrical supervisor about the possibility of a reference, as almost all of mine are from the customer service program, and his might be viewed more favorably.

After what felt like a verbal attack from my supervisor today, I'm ready to take anything I'm offered, whether for more money or the same as I'm making now; I really don't care.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.2 
 
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7/26/15 9:35 P

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emoticon for getting rid of such a negative energy source! I was so happy when I replaced an old bed with toxic emotional residue I hadn't even been aware of!

And good luck with the neighbor and the next court date. When will that be? I'll be praying for you.

I ran errands today: gas & a few groceries at Costco, more groceries at Safeway and Trader Joe's. I finally tried a car wash at a gas station close to my TJ's. It's wonderful to have my Dancer (my sweet car) looking clean and pretty again, and to have the back window clean and easier to see out of!

It's nice to feel like I can afford those extras again! I got my first paycheck with the CSS2 wage, and the 3% raise we finally got when they passed the budget on the last day of the fiscal year! I won't be spending extravagantly, but it's nice not to have to scrimp so scrupulously, either!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.2 
 
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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 813
7/25/15 12:07 A

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I'm glad they gave you some positive feedback, and have been so supportive of your efforts to leave your current situation. It would really be awful if you had to do everything without their knowledge.

I spent today dismantling my bed and cleaning my room. My ex had given me the bed "as a surprise" while we were separated...a totally inappropriate gift, as our therapist lectured him at the time. It always hurt my back, because the rails would always slip, so I'd have to move the mattress to replace them. Plus, it just had a lot of negative energy attached. I clenched my jaw every time I saw it. Now I'm finding he took a bunch of shortcuts when he put it together, which is probably why the rails always fell out.

I'll keep the mattress on the floor, until I can afford a new bed. I don't care if it takes a long time, I am just so relieved to get that out of my house. When I asked my daughters if it would upset them, my youngest said " Oh, we Hate the IKEA monster! Get it out!" So I feel pretty good about this.

I'm also waiting to talk to my neighbor, to find out if she will testify against my ex at my next court date. I am not sure what she would say, but she has said before that she would do it, so I have my fingers crossed she has not had second thoughts. My lawyer says that my ex denied all the claims we submitted for discovery, and he has had his arrest record expunged, so it is largely my word against his. I'm scared, because I know custody is going to be a part of this, but I'm doing a lot of visualizations, and working hard to focus on the best, instead of the worst, results

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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7/24/15 11:17 P

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I was surprised to get called in today to hear feedback from my interview for the Office Manager position in the Seattle office. I was not one of their top 2 picks (I heard the competition was stiff). But my manager and supervisor, who were both on the panel, were very complimentary. The manager gave me specifics, including the 2 questions where I didn't hit all the points they were looking for. But that left 5 questions where I did great, and he said I nailed the skills assessment, hitting all the points they were looking for. He also mentioned the Customer Service Manager from another region who had been on my last panel said afterward to the group, I had really improved from the previous interview.

So I'm happy that I did well, and the assessment seemed fair and objective. It would have been nice to supervise again, and impact lives of my staff and customers, and help the program move in positive directions. But now I feel really good about leaving it behind, too. I'm hopeful for one of the DOSH positions; I'll keep y'all apprised.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.2 
 
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7/23/15 11:50 P

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I made just slight changes to the cover letter for the Seattle DOSH position (almost identical to the Tukwila one I submitted on Saturday. I will complete the application process either tonight or tomorrow. It's not due until Monday, but like the other, it only has 2 supplemental questions: 1) Are you an employee of L&I 2) Did you attach your cover letter. So different from the ones with scads of multiple choice and essay questions to answer!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.2 
 
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7/22/15 11:51 P

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Since have so long struggled with clutter and cleanliness (though more the former than the latter), I can't really "advise" you from any position of strength or achievement. I'll make progress then backslide--I guess I'm a yoyo declutterer! Hope you find what will work for you and the girls. Maybe you can appeal them to figure out "how to help Mommy" with something you want to have for all of you. My sister and I both suffer from CHAOS: Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome. So I get it!
emoticon emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.2 
 
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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 813
7/22/15 1:56 A

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Think of the panel this way: maybe your supervisor will send you over there just so she won't have to contend with facing someone with such a different philosophy in the office everyday. Once when I worked for Barnes & Noble I had an employee who was just AWFUL, but when I got a call asking for a reference, the questions were such that I was able to truthfully say positive things about her. She took the new job and was a good fit, and was still there when I left B&N 5 years later.

The kids camp took them to the State Fair today, and I chaperoned. We walked a lot, and I managed to get over 6000 steps by the time we left. I carried my friends 2 year old for part of the time because she didn't want to be a "baby" in the stroller when the big kids were walking (her baby brother shares the stroller, which probably had a lot to do with it) and by the end of the day I was exhausted. I have a doctors appointment coming up, and I want to address how tired I have been getting. My calorie intake is not different than it was before, although my carbs are a little less, so I shouldn't need a nap everyday. With 2 kids, the house gets pretty dirty pretty quickly, and skipping days leaves the house in a really bad state, where the kids and I can't have friends over because we get embarrassed. Plus, I really want to set the boundaries that chores must get done, and the house consistently kept clean, which is an example I haven't set well in the past. Partly because of my depression, but partly because it was a way that my ex would control and manipulate us. Consistency is a big issue for me.



What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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7/21/15 11:27 P

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Saturday, I applied for the Data Compiler 3 (DC3) position and there's an almost identical posting now for an Administrative Assistant 3 (AA3) also with DOSH (Division of Safety and Health) in our sister office up in Seattle. The AA3 is at a slightly higher pay range, but I'd be spending money to park or ride the bus. The AA3 is due this Friday, but I can pretty much copy my app from the DC3.

Oh, and my interview for the Office Manager in Seattle was today--I thought it was Thursday, so I ran (drove) home for lunch, changed clothes and quickly printed my references and copies of a "why choose me" sheet I made up, largely by pasting my answer to the "describe your philosophy of management "question from the bookstore application, plus adding a few other quick points. Thank the Goddess I live so close! I thought I did well, but then my current supervisor was on the panel, and my philosophy is *very* different from hers. Much of what I said I would do in different situations is what I wish she would do, but doesn't. We'll see. They want their person to start August 1.


Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.2 
 
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7/20/15 11:01 P

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Hey, sometimes you just need to recover and re-energize! Thanks for the book tip, I check it out. (I have one too--read on . . .)

So happy with the cooler temps today! emoticon

Just heard about another job with the Safety and Health group--this one is for an Administrative Assistant, at a slightly higher range than the Data Compiler I just applied for. Like that one, the new one is for internal staff only to transfer; it's in our Seattle Office. I'll apply for that one this week too. I think they may have copied the same job posting--or at least many elements (including the typos!). So it won't take too much effort to apply for this one. I'm thinking there may be a good chance I'll be moving into something else soon.
emoticon Hoping and praying really, really hard!

As I wrote on the wall, I finished The City by Dean Koontz, and was blown away. I haven't enjoyed anything of his this much since Watchers and Lightening (both of which I loved)--but this was gentler and deeper by far. So many poignant observations of the human heart and little bits of magic--and familiar details for anyone who grew up in the 60s. I'll probably end up buying my own copy to reread, underline, share quotes from. I most highly recommend it!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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7/20/15 10:29 P

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Hmmm...sounds like you have a real shot with this job. Good Luck!

I spent the weekend with Eid celebrations. Ramadan has ended and there were 3 days of festivals. Friday was amazing, 12 hours straight of celebrating, first with the mosque, then we were invited to Johns Incredible Pizza. Apparrently, every Muslim family with kids under 18 go to Johns on Eid. I felt a bit sorry for the employees, most of whom had never seen such a large crowd. I remember working in customer service on black Friday, and this was even busier!

We stayed close to home on Saturday, though my neighbor was having heart palpitations, so we took her to the emergency room that night. There were a bunch of books in the waiting room that the V.A. puts out, and I found a great new book. A cozy mystery that uses Witches as it's hook. It's called A Cast-Off Coven, by Juliet Blackwell. Minimal romance (which is kind of a requirement of mine) and a pretty interesting mystery.

I love finding new authors. Especially when I've run out of interesting material. Although I was starting to re-read Christopher Moore's books. I love him. I met him once when I worked for B&&N and was really relieved that he shows that same humor and generous heart in person as he does books.

Sunday was more festivities for the kids, and then I came home and CRASHED. My house is an absolute disaster, and I've got a ton of work to do to start my test and sign up for on-line classes, but I was so tired today that I accomplished nothing. Tomorrow I am chaperoning the kids camp at the state fair. So I won't accomplish much tomorrow either. emoticon

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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7/18/15 9:44 P

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Submitted a new application today, for a Data Compiler in my office, working with DOSH, the Division of Safety and Health. The pay range is a little higher, and I think the work load would be steadier, less overwhelming. Friday, the supervisor told us only one application had been submitted so far; I told her I would be submitting an app, and I know many folks wait to the last minute, or at least until the weekend, and it only opened this week, closing tomorrow. Also it's only open to employees in our agency, so I may have a very good shot. Haven't heard anything on the college job yet--still hoping and praying!
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Managing to stay comfortable, despite 90+ temp outside--but then I've hardly ventured out today! emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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7/15/15 10:43 P

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I admire your willingness to sub--that's a tough job--but I think you are right, and it could really help you to be known and make helpful contacts. When I was teaching in Oakland, we had one or two subs who went on to join the staff eventually.

Hang in there, and keep taking care of *you*! You are worth it!!

Recovering from a wild day. I posted in the What are you reading/watching thread--don't know if you ever check there. (It's near the bottom of the team page.)

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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7/15/15 5:37 P

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I am so glad that you have some security now! And that they didn't take it as an opportunity to pay you less.

The school I used to work for had a fundraising dinner last night. I went so that I wouldn't be burning any bridges, but it was hard not to be upset. I had been told that if enrollment went up I might be hired, but later found out that someone less qualified than myself had been offered work. Apparently, being out of the country, she had not replied (although you would think she would have answered an email, wouldn't you?), but knowing her, I am fairly sure she will take the job, and I seriously doubt enrollment will go up enough to hire both of us. I hate to say it, but being a white American sort of works against me in that particular environment. Several parents, upon hearing who the staff was, came to me to express how sorry they were, and offered to write letters of recommendation, which soothed my soul a bit.

Another person, who has always had some weird, socially awkward manners, tried to commiserate by saying she could tell I was under stress because it looked like I had gained some weight. Since I have actually lost weight I refrained from letting her see how much it upset me, but another friend made an excuse to help me get away from her before I lost it. It has kind of renewed my determination to lose weight though. I am going to speak to my pharmacist about the weight loss medication my doctor recommended. Even though I have done my research, I am trying to be careful about this decision, especially since my insurance doesn't cover it.

I think I am going to take the CBest test so I can be a substitute until I can get a Preschool job. I have the credits to be a teacher in a private preschool, but I need a few more classes to qualify for the school district. But at least being a sub I will be around kids, be able to be available to my kids after school, and make contacts. It feels like it may be a step in the right direction.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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7/13/15 10:10 P

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Interesting employment options--I like your thinking! emoticon emoticon

I got a letter from my agency at home on Saturday telling me my job position had been reclassified, retroactive to 6/26 (something they've been promising would happen, ever since our year-long temp promotions ended on 5/5). But they told me my new salary, and it wasn't as much as I was making when I was in the temporary position.

But good news! I emailed all the parties copied on my letter, as well as my payroll rep, and asked them if they had made a mistake, or really planned to pay me less as a permanent employee to do the same work that I did as a temporary employee. I was told quickly that they were looking into it, and my program manager came by near the end of the day to unofficially tell me I would be making the same as I had been before, so I wouldn't have to wait a day to be told. So I'm happy I spoke up for myself (and my partner who's in the same situation)--and that they've decided to do the right thing!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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7/12/15 6:43 P

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I was feeling pretty low about the job until I talked to a friend from the neighborhood, who said her brother was approved for 60 hours a week of in-home care, but had never used it because he had so much family around (he lives on the street behind me). He doesn't feel he needs it yet, but he'll hire me for it if I need something to fall back on. In the meantime, I found out a little more about why I wasn't hired. Apparently, enrollment is a big part of it. The other part of it is that the director may be quitting, in which case the school won't have anyone to deal with all the liscencing that comes with preschool. I am not qualified for it, but I dropped a few names of people to approach. So if enrollment goes up, I am still in the running. In the meantime, I am applying for anything I can qualify for with the school districts near my home, and with the schools rival preschool. They may take me simply because their enrollment is 3 times that of my old schools, and because a lot of parents speak highly of me.

Monday I will contact some of the learning centers I have taken classes from (My college and First Five California) to see if there is anything posted on their job boards, as well as taking at least 1 online class. I prefer a brick and mortar class, but until I have some idea of what my schedule will be I am probably safer going online. I just hope the classes aren't all filled.

As for your own job search, I remember how discouraged I was, a few years ago, when I could not find a job. All I can say is keep plugging away at it. Maybe you could look at jobs you've never really thought about before, as well. Craigslist is full of interesting choices. Maybe professionally blogging? Or becoming a research assistant for a writer? Or a personal assistant to an eccentric billionaire? At least your job would be interesting!

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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7/11/15 10:43 P

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Amy, I'm sorry for the bad job news. Praying that you find something--anything--quickly that will work for now, whether it's what you want long-term or not.

It can be hard for me to trust that something good will come. But I've become more hopeful lately. Learning I wasn't chosen is never fun, but I keep reminding myself that I'm intelligent and talented, and I deserve abundance in all its forms. I sometimes say and write affirmations about welcoming good things, manifesting good things, creating good things, accepting good things. I don't want to fall into the trap of expecting (and possibly attracting) bad stuff. And I try to remember to express gratitude for the good things, to encourage them to continue to show up in my life. I figure none of that can hurt, anyway.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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7/11/15 2:03 A

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I am so glad you liked the campus. Who knows, when you get the job, maybe you can take a class or two.

I was told today that it was unlikely that I will be hired back by my old school because of the budget, and that I am not able to get unemployment because they don't pay into that. They did, however, invite me to volunteer there, and enroll my kids (because we all know that an unemployed single mom has enough room in her budget to put her kid through private school!). I was pretty upset (I had a good cry in the back stairwell), but managed to be polite when they invited me to volunteer.

Unfortunately, I then took my kids to Goodwill, where we proceeded to spend way too much money. It was things we legitimately needed (except one pair of jeans I found for myself, but since the only other jeans I had were hand me downs from my mother, I felt justified) but all together it was over $100. I feel slightly sick at spending that much, since I have no other income, so I am really buckling down on getting a job as fast as possible. What scares me is that I may have to pay for afterschool childcare as well, since most jobs in Early Childcare require working til 6:00. But I guess I will cross that bridge when I come to it.

There seems to be a lot of chaos energy in my life right now. Maybe it's time to do some cleansing of my environment.

And when I do get a job, I'll read Harper Lee's new novel to celebrate.

Edited by: SALAM4545 at: 7/11/2015 (20:35)
What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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7/9/15 9:34 P

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I've been catching up with a friend who lives on Maui, and he sent me a link to the church he likes to attend, even though he is Taoist rather than Christian. I just checked it out, and clicked on their sermon archive and was wowed by this sermon which quotes a long and wonderful poem by Langston Hughes, and a short one on love and hate by Longfellow. It's well worth the read!
www.keawalai.org/sermons/07-05-15.ht
ml


The Supplemental Questions are all answered, and I just discovered I could import my state application--yippee! So just the cover letter now to convince them to look at the rest of the packet and give me an interview. I visited the campus today--and like it! I was surprised that they sell no books or magazines aside from textbooks, though--but plenty of sidelines. We'll just have to see. But there are lots of trees & trails and a small pond, plus a tremendously diverse, international student body. (No wonder the first 3 questions dealt with diversity!) I'm sure I'll work in a couple references to my visit.

Edited by: BLESSEDBEING at: 7/9/2015 (23:55)
Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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7/8/15 10:28 P

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Sounds like a really good exchange with your doc, Amy--I'm so glad! Let me know how things go.

I have wondered about why I am here, but haven't had any epiphanies. Maybe I was supposed to wait for the current job I'm applying for?

Wednesdays are nice, since our supervisor helps out in the Seattle office where their manager retired some weeks ago. (I applied for that position, and can use what I'm writing for the new app about my management philosophy if I get to the interview stage!) We had many equipment issues with false charges and all sorts of transactions to correct which kept me very busy, so no catching up on backlog. And I realized I was still smarting from the supervisor's "joking" comment about my trying to run the office yesterday. I guess she would rather I let problems slide & not point them out or try to resolve them. I'm used to taking initiative and being appreciated for it, rather than expected to turn everything over to her--especially when she doesn't know, or doesn't take care of things. I don't like focusing on the negative, but damn! I am so ready for a healthy environment where I'm actually expected and supported to do and be my best.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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7/8/15 4:50 P

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How funny, the question you are struggling with seems to be the one that I always got in interviews. I always tried to mention treating others with respect, and recognizing strengths and weaknesses and pairing people on projects based on those strengths and weaknesses.

Have you tried doing any meditations to figure out why you are in your current job? I wonder if the reason you haven't moved on yet is because there is something (cosmically) that is holding you there. Maybe something that needs to be accomplished before you can move on?

I had another Doctors appointment. A friend watched the kids, so I was able to discuss things at length with her. I told her about my fears with medication...cost, gaining the weight back later, interactions with my anti depressants, etc. She was very reasonable and respectful about it. We did narrow down which medication would be best for me if I choose to take it. We talked about doing an herbal cleanse to help me break through my plateau before going on medication. I showed her the SP app on my phone, and she said she's going to add it to a list of reccommended sites she has for clients needing to lose weight. I showed her my pedometer app (turns out I had more steps for the day than she did) and how much I had been walking. She admitted that she was on weight loss medication herself, and said that if I did choose medication there were side affects that I should anticipate. Overall it was a good talk. She did give me a presciption for vitamin B-12 to help me maintain energy with a lower calorie intake, and a separate presciption for the weight loss meds if I decide to take them. She also gave me some information on food plans for diabetes. Ovverall, it was really good.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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7/8/15 12:14 A

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Finished the essay questions on working with a difficult team, and examples of 2 disciplinary situations I dealt with. I just have one left--the hardest one, as I've never tried to express these thoughts before: "Describe your leadership style. Describe 3 components of your philosophy of management that demonstrate what you value, and add as an individual to an organization's culture and work environment."
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More little things at work that don't make me miserable anymore, but just keep pointing out how much better they could be--if my supervisor and manager had a better "leadership style" and "philosophy of management"! Continue to wish me luck on creating a knock-their-socks-off application packet.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.2 
 
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7/7/15 12:28 A

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I am enjoying writing out these supplemental question responses, as I have a lot of experience to draw from. I'm really glad they posted the position for more than the usual week, as I would not have wanted to rush through it all! More disappointments at work that lead me to conclude the supervisor really doesn't value our contributions and doesn't really want to know what we think. She sent a list of tasks last week for us to mark what we knew how to do, and said we could add to it. So I made a *very* thorough list 2-3 times the length of hers, with suggested alterations on some of her items, plus a proposed format I thought would work better. Her response was basically thanks for spending the time, but that's not what I was looking for. To my mind, her ignorance of what we do really showed, but she won't admit it.

I'm happy for our bilingual temp who got the permanent position in a different office closer to where she lives (the one I gave a glowing reference for). She'll be leaving mid-month. I just hope I can join her soon in leaving this unsatisfying environment.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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7/5/15 11:43 P

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Does your doctor/health plan offer any counseling or coaching resources? It's clear to me that when you're under stress with the ex and the whole job situation, that healthy lifestyle choices, especially if they are new or tentative, get that much harder to maintain. I happen to be leery of going the drug route, but that's just me. Doing the emotional work with therapy, journaling, affirmations just feels safer and more nurturing to me--and healing in the long run.

But of course, you need to choose what will work best for you--for now. Any decision doesn't have to be forever. Sending you positive energy around work and scale! emoticon

Donated blood yesterday & took a nap a little while later emoticon Today got my hair trimmed, picked up a top and capris on sale, then got groceries emoticon

I've been writing out application essay responses longhand emoticon then typing into a Word document so I can copy and paste into the application later emoticon

Taking breaks reading emoticon and playing a little emoticon Solitaire. emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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7/4/15 9:36 P

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I'm sorry I haven't been able to reply. Stupid data usage plan makes my computer run so slowly that I usually give up.

Working in the bookstore sounds like a good fit for you. Getting away from government job applications might be just the thing for you.

I'm starting to apply for jobs away from my old school, since they have not told us anything about whether or not we are hired back. Not one teacher knows what is going on. The PreK director is looking for other jobs and advised me to do the same. My concern is that I have so little experience as the main teacher that I may only be able to get a job as an aide, and I don't want to get stuck in that position. I looked in public schools as well, but the only thing available were playground attendants, and I don't think that will help me professionally. So now I am nail biting a bit. emoticon

I am so frustrated by the scale. I am debating if I should go on the weight loss medication the doctor suggested. She was clear that if I couldn't break through my plateau that she was going to push much harder, because of the score on the pre diabetes test. I am wondering if I should try an over the counter weight loss supplement. The internal debate is driving me nuts.

There is also the fact that I want to go back to school at least 1 size down, because it will open up my whole professional wardrobe. I know that shouldn't influence me too much, but it does. emoticon

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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7/4/15 9:13 P

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I have realized it would be nice to reconnect with at least one of my District Managers from my old bookstore days for a reference. My last assistant manager is on my list, at least. Anyway, I started checking out Linked In, which I joined some years back but never did much with. I searched for a bunch of folks, found my last 2 DMs (though I wasn't with them long, and that was over 8 years ago!), not sure what may come of that.

But I found an old customer from my waitressing days who became a friend, but moved to Maui 20 years ago. He and I have been exchanging emails and catching up, which has been great fun! And I heard from a former school teaching colleague, and hope to catch up with her a bit too.

I gave blood today, ended up taking a nap afterward, so haven't been as productive as I'd hoped. But I've answered a few of the 10 essay questions required on the new app, and gotten a couple of them typed--which lets me cut and paste. Though I realized colleges don't use the same generic application state agencies do, so I may have a whole lot more typing, cutting and pasting of job experience than I normally have to deal with. Glad I have until the 12th to complete it all. Wish me luck!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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7/1/15 10:41 P

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I was stressing about whom to use as references for the Office Manager position I just applied for. I finally decided to ask my first supervisor, who was transferred out & is working elsewhere in the region the last 3 years if she would be willing. Given that she left under not good circumstances, I didn't know if she'd be willing. But I worked with her the longest, and she relied on me and really knows what I can do. She said she would--then I realized they didn't request it as part of the application package, though last time they asked interviewees to bring references with them.

I think because I reached out to her, she sent me a job announcement today from one of the community colleges not far away--for a Bookstore Manager Assistant! Good pay, at an educational institution, doing much of what I did at Waldenbooks! And it's open until 7/12, so I have time to answer the many essay supplemental questions. I'll also see if I can track down any of my old district managers from my retail managing days. Anyway it would be great. I thanked her strongly for sending it my way. Then I asked about changes in their unit (some of their work now being automated) and if she were looking for something else. She said half their people will lose their jobs, but not her (seniority!), so she's been looking for possible positions for them, and thought of me when she saw the college bookstore one. I complimented her on the good thing she is doing for her coworkers--and for me! It was nice to have a positive connection. And I'm sure y'all will be hearing about the new app--which will take me awhile!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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6/29/15 1:43 A

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I'm glad you keep filling out applications. I know it can be disheartening, but at least you are taking positive steps to get out of an unpleasant atmosphere. I have to start applying soon myself, as no one from my school has been contacted about being hired. We are all getting very anxious.If I can't find a decent job in a preschool, I'm going to have to become a substitute. I'm really praying I won't have to do that! emoticon

Some friends arranged for my kids to get scholarships for camp for a week. Thank Goodness! I was getting tired of hearing "I'm bored" all the time. Now I can clean out my kitchen cabinets without the kids constantly asking "Why can't I get on the ladder? Why are you throwing that away? But I can help!!! Just let me climb up!" Apparently, cleaning is only worth it if you get on a ladder.



What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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6/28/15 11:03 P

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Sorry I hadn't checked in a couple days! It's great that you've talked with the girls about behavior issues (and quite the intelligent observance the father's behavior, too!), and that they are invested in your health and your progress. It's grand to have cheerleaders!
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No word yet on the last 2 interviews. Everything's up in the air because the stupid legislature hasn't passed a budget. If we don't have one on June 30 (Tuesday), the state government has to shut down on 7/1. So I don't know yet if I'll be going to work on Wednesday or joining the union in demonstrating at the Capitol.

I'm feeling good that I've got the supplemental question responses typed and ready to paste, plus the cover letter written. I'll submit it tomorrow evening after work. I am really ready for that new job and higher salary--wherever it ends up being!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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6/27/15 1:41 A

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By the way, have you heard back from your interview yet?


What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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6/27/15 12:58 A

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My kids seem to be doing better. My youngest admitted that her acting out was largely because she wanted attention. My oldest admitted that she was bored. We had a long talk about how creating drama in NOT a good cure for boredom. My youngest asked if that's why her dad always yelled. Perceptive little troublemaker, isn't she?

The kids are enjoying checking my pedometer every day. They get upset if I don't hit 10,000 steps. For me it's been a real wake-up call. I had not realized how sedentary I had become. I struggle to hit 6,000, which is what my dad says is his average. It's uncomfortable to think that a 70 year old man is so much more fit than I am, or has more reason/opportunity to move around than I do. Oh well, soon I hope I can beat his average. emoticon

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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6/23/15 11:18 P

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I don't have kids, so can't comment on struggles with them. A general aim of letting them know you love them--even when you don't like or approve of their actions, can be a good rule of thumb. There are some good books about talking with kids, including the Non-Violent Communication series, which I got a lot out of. Your library may well have one of them. There's also a cool How Full Is Your Bucket for kids, plus the adult one is real good, and short and easy to read.
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My sister and BIL are also pre-diabetic. I think that largely means you can reverse the disease with healthier choices. If the phone app is easier or more fun, stick with that for now. You can always play with the Fit Bit later on. I'm off to make a salad for dinner. Hang in there. And glad you enjoyed your time with your dad. (Kind of hard for me to imagine, what with mine being my abuser.)
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Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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6/23/15 8:53 P

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That is wonderful news! I think you would be great for Fish and Wildlife. Also, I think it's good that you cleared the air a bit with your supervisor. Maybe if she's more on your side she can make it easier for you to succeed.

My dad visited for a few days. It was great, not just the doing stuff, but chatting with someone who gets what I'm talking about. My girls loved getting a little individual attention as well. The best part was finding out that some issues with my brother may be resolvable.

I had to go to the doctor today to hear about the results of some tests. I am officially pre diabetic, which really shook me up. I talked to the doctor about losing weight, and she wants me to consider medication to help lose weight, as well as increasing my exercise. I did get a fitbit, but I am not sure I like it. I'm having trouble getting it to sync correctly. I also put a free pedometer app on my phone, and I think I like it better. But I'm still sort of freaking out.

I think my kids are going through something, too. My youngest has been acting out a bit. I'm trying hard to hold my tongue so I am not scarring her for life, but I am frustrated. My oldest wasn't this hard.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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