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9/28/16 11:52 P

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I was waffling on whether to go for a new application--due tomorrow night. When I reviewed it after work today, I decided yes. I think I have a good shot at the CSS3 position at my current agency, but if I don't get an offer, I want to keep looking. And the supplemental questions for this new one only ask about the computer skills I'm quite good at--not the ones where my skills are shaky. So I drafted the cover letter a little while ago.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (170,515)
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9/28/16 12:08 A

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As I blogged tonight, I gave myself a strong talking to--not to make my feelings of last night wrong, but countering with a different way to look at things. It was extremely helpful. My parts amaze and delight me at times. When I shared a few special journal entries with Katie last week, I had her both laughing and tearing up. It always tickles me that she has a great appreciation for the gifts and interactions of my parts as well.

So yes, I used the timer tonight, just for a couple of 5-minute sessions--one cleaning, one sorting. But as my Nike part ("Just do it!) reminds me often, some is better than none--as in "I don't care how little we do at a time! I just want us to do something!!" emoticon Yeah, that can be her. Though she can surprise me by showing a mature and compassionate side too--which is where Katie teared up just a tad.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (170,515)
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9/26/16 11:56 P

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As I put in my status, I'm kind of bummed. I had a vision for what I wanted to put in some of my sorter cubby holes in the living room, and started moving stuff around. But in clearing out what was there, now their access is sort of blocked. Looks like it's going to take a lot more effort and time, and for now, it's harder to reach stuff I use a lot! emoticon I'm discouraged, but trying to honor the effort to make a positive change.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (170,515)
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Posts: 12,089
9/25/16 9:32 P

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So sorry you were sick. Hope you are feeling much better! And I always figure the Goddess knows our hearts and doesn't get as caught up as we do about "not doing it (a ritual or observance) right." The soup sounds good! emoticon

I am totally loving this book, and recommend it highly! Bless Katie, she sent me 2 referrals for financial planning--one a general lookup of trained professionals in your area, the other a woman who belongs to that professional group who Katie said is highly recommended. I bookmarked them both. When I checked the individual's website, I teared up--it felt right, as she works with women to get us over that "I don't know what to do" place. She's a little ways away, in Bellevue--where the CSS lead position is located. Hmm!

Did 3 loads of laundry today plus groceries. Just finished a intensive cardio/ST workout with Coach Nicole that got me sweating!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 1,205
9/24/16 10:45 P

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It sounds like you had a busy few days!

I was not as prepared for Mabon as I usually like to be as I just hadn't had the energy to clean house. The morning of the equinox, I found out why: I came down with the flu. Honestly, this was the kind of kick you in the butt, take no prisoners flu. As a result, I missed a total of 3 days at work. I'm a little worried about that, but it makes me think that getting into the school district is important: it is the only way as a teacher that I am likely to make enough to be able to retire, or take sick days, or feel secure. The thing about subbing though, is that there is no guarantee how often you will get requested. It all depends on how well you can control a class. And I'm a little unsure about that with older kids.

I am really interested in the book you recommended, The Desire Map. I am never 100% sure that I am having normal human emotional reactions to situations, since I was so emotionally shut down for so long.

My daughter Sara admitted today that she was jealous that her sister started learning to cook from their father when she was 7, but he still tells her she's too young at age 8. So tonight we made soup together. Technically it was potato cheddar, with beef sausage thrown in in lieu of ham, but we added diced carrots and celery for fiber. It was really quite good, and she learned about making a roux, so her sister was a bit jealous.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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9/24/16 10:11 P

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[replying to a member on another team who is just coming back after a tough time away]
I don't know if your library system would have the book The Desire Map, but it might speak to you in its discussion of negative and positive emotions, and finding your core desires and finding ways to feed them, even when life isn't going great or you are working toward those necessary life goals. I know it's speaking loud and clear to me right now.

I met up with a Spark Friend, the one who provided my cat sitting at half the cost of the professional company I had found to replace my dearly loved but retired sitter. We walked for almost 2 hours very close by here, just talking the whole time. I love my virtual community here on Spark, especially on the BBs, but it sure is nice to spend face-to-face time with a friend! And I'm over 14,000 steps today!

[PS, I discuss the book in the What are you reading? thread]

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
215
196.25
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158.75
140
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (170,515)
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Posts: 12,089
9/24/16 12:11 A

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I knew a novel had come in at the library, but when I went after work, I found the referral from Katie had also arrived: The Desire Map. I started reading it right away. The first half is theory, the second half practical application. I'm eager to try some of the exercises.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
215
196.25
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158.75
140
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (170,515)
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Posts: 12,089
9/22/16 11:15 P

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Thoroughly enjoyed the most recent Heather Webber Lucy Valentine novel that I read last night. She also writes 2 series as Heather Blake, all with paranormal aspect--the Blake ones are more magical; Lucy is more mundane, though she has psychic abilities. I just like the way Heather writes, and her characters, regardless of which name she is penning under.

On my walks today at work, in the lovely fall weather, I prayed around some of the issues I discussed with Katie--how I want so much more than just more money and a better job & less clutter: I dearly want more joy, more connection, more passion, more fun! And I want to use and express my gifts in powerful and pleasing ways. So I'm praying for guidance around what to do, the next step to take--and also for help removing the seen and unseen blocks that stand in my way.

Did a nice little Equinox ritual after work--and didn't leave it until after dinner, when I can get tired and rushed--though Dora kept wanting to chew on the wheat stalks I had as decoration. I've never had to keep shooing her away from my altar area before during a Tarot reading. Had some disturbing cards come up, but they may be referring to those blocks I'm wanting to clear out.

Hope you are enjoying the new season, and your place in this cycle of life and the turning of the wheel of the year. emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
215
196.25
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158.75
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (170,515)
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9/22/16 12:10 A

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Hey, sounds great! Good luck with the substituting search!

Had a good session. Turns out it was my last that was approved by Group Health. We're going to discuss the possibility of continuing on an occasional basis at a reduced fee. Another reason to want a decent salary so I can afford important things like therapy when I want it, not just when I desperately need it.

Got some good resources from her including a book, The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte, which I've reserved at my library. On the way home I stopped by Costco for 3 food items and a bottle of glucosamine chondroitin. I had take it for years, then a while ago picked up glucosamine without the chondroitin to save money. But I've been having some knee pain and stiffness, so decided to see if the combination supplement will help with that. Managed a bit of sorting & cleaning tonight, but I'm emotionally tired--in a good way, so think I'll just finish my book and go to bed.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 1,205
9/22/16 12:02 A

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Blessed Mabon!

I'm working on a gratitude list for the Fall Equinox. Of course, my family and home come first, but having lost 2 pounds and being sugar free for a week is right up in the top 5!

I have also started looking for a new job. I've been investigating substitute teaching. If I can work 3+ days per week, I can make as much as, if not more, that I make per week now. But it isn't guaranteed, and that is frightening. Plus, you go wherever they send you, especially middle school, and that is even more frightening. But I may be able to sign on with at least 2 districts, and that may help. Plus, I would need a babysitter for far less time (although I really like my current sitter).

I'm beginning to wonder if maybe my ex has a brain tumor.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed on your job!



What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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9/21/16 12:14 A

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Work continues to stay busy. I was between novels at lunch; finished one last night, picking one up at the library after work. So I finally got working on my Census booklet that came a few weeks ago. Got most of the answers written--though I ran a little over and didn't finish eating!--but I had to turn over a few page corners where I'll have to do a little research to find answers.

Tomorrow we have a unit potluck at work--theme comfort food. Hope I can grab a quick lunch since I'm leaving early for an appointment--my first visit with Katie (my wonderful therapist) since the spring, I think. I've just been doing very well on my own, and didn't feel like I "needed" to see her. But I might as well use the approved appointments for just a copay which are only good through this year, I think.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
215
196.25
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158.75
140
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (170,515)
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Posts: 12,089
9/19/16 11:19 P

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My big accomplishment today was getting my application submitted for the customer service lead/trainer position for the region--a brand new position, one that's much needed.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
215
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158.75
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (170,515)
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Posts: 12,089
9/19/16 12:19 A

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Glad you had someone on the phone with you as a "witness." But how can he not understand you divorcing him?

I've actually lost a couple pounds lately--need to adjust my weight tracker.

So this customer service lead/trainer position that posted Monday (which I learned of Thursday, my first day back from vacation) is due tomorrow night. I've drafted my cover letter and 5+ page training plan for new employees--the 2 requirements for the application. (Several of those 5 pages were in outline form, which is why it's so long.) I'm going to relax now, check the spelling on a couple of names at work tomorrow, then finalized and submit everything tomorrow after work.

Have a great night and day tomorrow, everyone! emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 1,205
9/18/16 12:52 A

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The CSS3 job sounds like it would be a great fit. I'll keep my fingers crossed that you get the application done in time!

My ex recieved a paper, supposedly form my lawyer, and freaked out. I was really worried about my girls going to see him, so I talked to my lawyer, who hadn't gotten anything in the mail. So we don't know if my divorce went through, or if the courts accidentally sent him a notice by mistake. We were really hoping to get this done under the radar, so he couldn't put up any roadblocks or retaliate. The girls ended up being fine, but he came up to my car to find out why I was divorcing him. Fortunately, my friend was on the phone and heard the exchange, so I was safe, but it confirmed to her that my ex is delusional. And I agree.

The good thing is that I didn't eat any sugar while stressing. The bad news is that I ate everything else. emoticon

I am starting to see some results from eating better. My kids helped me design the game board, and I added a few quotes, but I think I need some pictures to add. The problem is that I am very picky about visual images being appropriate for my kids to see, so I haven't really found any. I am discovering that most of the magazines I read (and am willing to cut up) have more pictures of food than anything else.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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9/17/16 4:31 P

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I discovered after returning that they posted a new Customer Service Specialist 3 (Lead) position for our region (I'm a CSS2), based in another office. It's only open to internal candidates, and just for a week, closing Monday. It's something I would be great at, and would be a promotion with a higher salary, even though it would involve commuting. So I knew I'd be spending an intense weekend working on this limited-time application, so am using a timer set at 30 minutes to get substantial work done, then break to refresh the brain and body and environment. I'm calling them S&S breaks.
emoticon emoticon
I have a general goal of doing some STAS--strength training and stretching--done every day (or at least more often & consistently), as well as Sorting--going through piled and cluttered stuff to decide what to keep or toss, and where to put it if it stays. I'm using a countdown timer of 5 minutes for the sorting, and a count-up timer for adding up exercise minutes for tracking at day's end. So far it's working well. I'll take occasional Spark and reading breaks just to keep a really good balance going on.
emoticon emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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158.75
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (170,515)
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Posts: 12,089
9/16/16 11:36 P

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Today was rough. All sorts of systems down and not working and everything took *so* much longer than usual. Then we got swamped with customers late in the day, with a lot of late breaks. And we're getting leaned on from one of the programs to finish entering wage complaints in 3 calendar days, not 3 business days. So the one that was received yesterday that was assigned to me today was supposed to be completed today because the third calendar day falls on the weekend. Well that didn't happen! When I was at my desk I was frequently interrupted with phone calls from customers, and I was at the counter for hours helping customers there. I got less than a third of it done.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
215
196.25
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158.75
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (170,515)
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9/16/16 12:02 A

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I spent a couple hours catching up on 7 days of emails. Turns out they updated us all to Office 2016 while I was out, so I took a bunch of their short (2-5 minutes each) training videos on changes to programs and menus. I liked them--they helped me get over the whole new look and have an idea of how to change settings to have the information I want displayed. At one point I was trying to change the subject line of an email (which I used to do easily), but which wasn't working. I tried the Help and new "tell me" function with no luck. But I kept playing with the display, and once I clicked an arrow from up to down or vice versa, I could do what I've done in the past. I'm not a big one for just playing around and figuring computer things out on my own, so I'm pretty proud of myself for that!
emoticon
I was also checking out the final Summer Jam emails from Central Office--that's our big fitness campaign [this was the 9th annual] that I've been captain of the Region 2 team for a few years, and went in the first Wednesday of vacation to log my final week's points, draw prize winners, and remind everyone to track all unreported points by Friday. This is our one big competitive campaign. There's the Tumwater League with teams from different floors and annexes of Central Office, and then the Regional League with teams for each of the 6 regions. Ours (Region 2) comprises the 3 offices in King County. We've always placed a solid 3rd place, while Regions 5 & 6 over in Eastern Washington tend to run neck and neck, even ending in a dead tie on occasion. Well *Surprise, Surprise* Region 2 came out on top! I was flabbergasted, did not expect it at all. Thought there might be a chance for a second place finish, but we came out in the lead--which means all 37 team members get T-shirts! (Just learned that in an email today.)

Also found out there is a Customer Service Lead opening for our region--only for internal agency staff. It was supposed to be in the Tukwila office (where I work now, less than a mile from my apartment), but now they are basing it in Bellevue where the traffic is pretty horrible. Still, I'm going to apply--it's at a higher pay range, and involves a lot of staff training, which I really enjoy. Then I have a couple other postings I plan to go for. The CSS3 one is only open for 1 week, closing 9/19, so I'll work on that one first.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
215
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158.75
140
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (170,515)
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9/14/16 11:09 P

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That game idea sounds so cool, Amy! I don't know if you've shared that with the BBs, but some of our members might like it. I've often had the thought that I want to shift my perception of decluttering from a chore, or something I "should" do or am bad at, to an opportunity or adventure, maybe something fun--or at least nurturing.

This was my final day of vacation, and I didn't get done all I had hoped. But I did renew my Costco membership (so glad the gas station attendant swiped a card for me yesterday, since he couldn't renew it and I was running on fumes!). Got a few Costco items and a little TJ's shopping, then dropped off all 8 library items--1 book I finished, 6 I decided not to read, and the newest Star Wars that was due--and checked out 2.

I also did some cleaning on the balcony. It's in the Good Fortune bagua of my home (if you are into feng shui), and I figure it can't hurt to get that area less cluttered and more energized. Printed 2 job announcements that I'll be working on next.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 1,205
9/14/16 10:21 A

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It sounds like you had a blast! What a great thing, to get together like that. Somehow, my friends have sort of scattered to the winds. I have some friendly acquaintances right now, but no one I would truly call close, especially childhood friends. I was always a bit of an oddball as a child, though, so I never really met my match, I guess.

The weather has started to turn, which is making it easier to get some exercise. I am getting in more steps, although that doesn't really track for calories burned. I also started a Motivational board for weight loss, making it sort of like a game board. I thought if I changed my thinking and made weight loss fun, maybe I would be more successful at it. I am still working on it, but I am looking forward to marking off some spaces. I need to design a good game piece for myself.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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9/13/16 10:22 P

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From an email to my 6-Pack sisters (sister Mary, whom I've known all my life; Susan, whom I've known 52 years since 4th grade, Pat, whom Mary has known 52 years since 7th grade, Kathy, whom Susan and I have known 49 years since 10th grade, and Meg, whom Mary has known 38 years since college):

Dora was happy to have me home. Susan and I swung by to pick up Chinese to-go & half & half at a convenience store nearby (since I can't drink morning coffee without cream!). Then here, where we watched I, Robot that I had just been talking about. (Great action, humor and emotions w/ a very hunky Will Smith.) Leftover Chinese for breakfast, then we hit a matinee of Star Trek Beyond--absolutely delightful! Susan had already seen it with her niece Eve before 6-Pack, and I would totally see it again with you, Mary, if we can put that together! Also saw cool previews for the upcoming Magnificent 7 with Denzel Washington (hubba hubba!) and a fascinating first contact movie with Amy Adams and Forest Whitaker.

Susan's friend Chris met us not that far away, but in a new area for me, on a couple of connector highways. Turns out I came back basically on one long road in 15 minutes, so that's how we can do this in the future, if we ever do such a "hand-off" again. I'm now watching the newest Star Wars DVD that's due back at the library (after months of waiting) tomorrow, with unpacking and cleaning breaks. Got gas today (empty light had come on) and will get groceries tomorrow.

Had a fantastic time. Y'all helped me remember who I truly am, and some of what I need to do for me. I want fun things to share with you in the future. You inspire me to be more true to myself, if that makes sense. Thank you all for being you, and for helping to make this happen and keep this rewarding and nurturing tradition alive!

To my emoticon s: Aren't girlfriends just the best? emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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9/13/16 1:04 P

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I'm Sparking while Susan (my friend since 4th grade) is Facebooking. She stayed overnight and I'll pass her off to an old coworker of hers who lives in the area this afternoon. We watched a video last night--I, Robot--that I had been talking about over the weekend, that she had not seen in years--a great science fiction movie with thrilling action, a lot of humor, and emotional depth--especially from the unique robot Sonny.

I'll cook us up a stir fry from leftovers for breakfast. Then we're going to see the Star Trek movie at a matinee. We used to go to Star Trek conventions together back in the day. Such fun!

Oh, and this was our 24th annual 6-Pack gathering, always in Oregon (between the California and Washington contingents, and convenient for the Oregon residents), except for our 10th in Maui and 20th in Kauai. We spend a week in Hawaii, otherwise it's a long weekend.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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9/11/16 3:01 P

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I really enjoy foosball, but I think it needs to be added to the exercise tracker, because I find it can be very fast-paced!

So far the weekend has been pretty slow paced. I'm cleaning house and trying to organize some. I think I am going to need to find a way to get more bookshelves. (A problem that I find somewhat delightful).

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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9/10/16 11:03 P

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emoticon I feel for you, and can't do much more than send love and prayers your way.

Having a wonderful time with the girlfriends, lots of talking and catching up. Hiked down to the lake and had so much fun paddle boating!

Bunch of us took naps. And last night 3 of us were hooting and hollering as we tried foosball (my first time). I'm hoping I can talk some into trying it again tonight.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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9/10/16 7:54 P

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I am so glad you are having a good time.It sounds just amazing!

It's been a rough few days. I probably should have anticipated that my ex would be going crazy right now, as a major Muslim holiday is Monday. He is supposed to take the girls, and has used that as an excuse to text/hassle me. Big Dummy. It overwhelmed me a bit when the girls were in counseling. I was still sitting with them when my oldest brought up to the counselor that her father has been making her send texts to me. I knew they weren't originating from her, so I understood that it was his way of sending messages to me, but when she brought it up I got overwhelmed and began crying. The girls were very supportive, but I still feel badly for losing it in front of them.

I have been making the effort to walk a bit more, though, and I am determined to find a way to get comfortable with exercising, so that I have a better outlet for my feelings. Figuring out how to go about that seems to be my biggest hurdle.



What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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9/8/16 11:25 P

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Ran into horrible traffic getting through Portland almost to Woodburn--a long, long, slow, slow way! But we're checked into the hotel in Cottage Grove, and had a *marvelous* dinner at Jack Sprat's--best garlic fries ever! emoticon emoticon

Too tired to hit the pool tonight, so will go in the morning. emoticon And there's a 24-hour Dutch Bros coffee place next door! emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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9/8/16 12:37 A

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I know we'll have a great time. It's just the getting ready that I can stress over. I'll be taking my laptop, and checking in briefly during vacation. I want to break the 800-day login milestone!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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9/6/16 11:40 P

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Glad the girls and Grandpa had a good time! And emoticon for taking care of yourself to stay calm. Documenting, but not reacting to his baiting and/or weirdness is probably the best thing you can do. Proud of you!
emoticon emoticon emoticon
Still catching up on chores--cleaning (as in washing) litter box, chopped up the rest of a head of red cabbage for adding to salads, hand washing, dishes. Started planning & particularizing the packing list. Also did a few short workouts. Got the preliminary replies to the last 2 applications--basically that I'll hear more later. Just glad I won't miss anything while on vacation.

Checked out weather down in Lakeside, OR where the vacation home is. Showers today (same as here), but Friday-Monday is expected to be sunny and in the low 70s--which sounds great! I love being able to get ready at a more relaxed pace.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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9/6/16 10:15 A

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My father was visiting his brother this weekend, so yesterday I drove the girls down to Fremont to see him. They were so excited, since they had spent two days of the weekend being miserable at their fathers (I would think they were exaggerating for my sake, but he had sent me a series of strange texts, which seems to indicate he was in a terrible mood). Seeing Grampa is always a good thing! My father, a retired scientist, was interested in taking them to a museum or outing "that would promote discussion" (translation: make it easy to find something to talk about) so we went to a "Historical working farm". It is, essentially, the remains of a farm that was started in 1853, and included wandering around the barn, the blacksmith shop, the train (apparently the farmer, who hadn't wanted the trains to cut through his land, lost the battle when his hired guards got to drunk to stop the railroad guys from coming in, and the work was completed so quickly that he couldn't get the law out in time to stop it), and the house, which still had most of it's original furnishings. The farmers wife was a big womens rights activist as well, so were a lot of topics that the girls could comment on. Overall, we had a lot of fun, and Grampa got to see how the girls are growing into thoughtful, intelligent young ladies. Also, that Sara is just possibly the most talkative girl on the planet!

I'm glad for the fun we had, because the ex was sending texts that are more and more disturbing. I find myself wondering if in addition to being drunk, maybe he has a brain tumor? He has learned that in order to avoid police, all his threats have to be veiled, and he is very good at that. Although he caused me some anxiety, I meditated a bit and came away calmer, knowing that he is looking for me to react so that he can know that he has disturbed me. So now I just add the texts to my other documentation, and then walk away from it.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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9/6/16 12:01 A

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My biggest accomplishment today was donating blood. Since we have a special kind of leave (for life-saving procedures) that doesn't count against sick or vacation leave, I try to schedule it during the work day. But I was way overdue, then had to wait weeks while I got completely over being really sick a ways back. Then I just was constantly so busy at work that I wasn't checking coverage to figure out when to schedule this and other appointments. So I did it this morning. In the canteen afterwards, I had my usual cranberry juice, plus 2 snack bags of chips. I know most people like the cookies, but after my good deed, I give myself permission to enjoy my preferred salty-fatty snacks.
emoticon emoticon emoticon
Donating often makes me tired, so I ended up reading then taking a nap. I've done very small household chores, and did spend some time checking out eating places near our stopover hotel on the way to 6-Pack. We usually go further down the Oregon coast, and have stayed for several years at a Best Western in Reedsport, and we have our favorite restaurant to have dinner at there. But we're staying in Cottage Grove this time (which means less driving the first day, and not as early a start emoticon emoticon ) so I did some searching for spots for dinner. We thought it would help to know where we might have dinner to decide on where to lunch when we stop by the outlet mall in Chehalis. Sister Mary is a better natural planner than I am, but I enjoy researching, and came up with some possibilities.

Tomorrow's my day to get serious about planning my packing list. Oh, the other thing I did was to complete my Summer Jam point calculation. Our biggest fitness challenge was expanded this year to include lots of non-physical healthy actions to take, plus allowed for minutes at various intensity factors to be calculated. That means that for 6 weeks I wasn't just counting minutes of speed walking, ST, cardio and stretching, but also housework (light activity, 100 points/minute and standing (very light activity, 25 points/minute). Given that I often stand 6-7 hours or more a day at work, I rack up the points even beyond walking, etc. But especially with the tech issues they've had where we have to keep track in a booklet each day, add the daily points, and then transfer the weekly total to the website, it's a pain in the patootie to track, and I'm glad it's done! Of course I realized that not only would I need to come into work to log my final week's points, but as the Regional Team Captain, I need to use my special captain's page access (at work only) to pick the last 4 prize winners and get their prizes (stretching books) into campus mail. So I get to go in for an hour on Wednesday, and then change my 7 days of vacation to 6 days and 7 hours!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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9/4/16 11:41 P

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Did 2 of Coach Nicole's longer workouts on Spark TV--much better! 25 minutes this morning, and 42 minutes (!) just now.

Met my sister for lunch midway between us today at Ivar's--shrimp Caesar salads sans croutons, plus their spicy Cajun shrimp poppers (we love it when those are on the snack menu!) emoticon emoticon I gave her BD gifts and cards, since it was our first together since her birthday, and we made plans for our 6-Pack vacation which begins on Thursday!!

I picked up some groceries, dropped off a bunch of library books--including the marvelous book I mentioned in the reading thread, The Readers of Broken Wheel Recommend. I started it yesterday morning and stayed up past midnight to finish. So quirky and lovable, just like the characters. They were strange enough that I wasn't certain I'd like it at first, but the book and people quickly grew on me, and I hated for the story to end. The other books went down the return shoot, but I took that one inside to urge the librarians to read it. One asked if I was returning it then, got a yes, and said "Good, I'll check it out right now!"

I'm reading another offbeat book, this one by Judy Blume, In the Unlikely Event. More haunting, but I'm totally caught up in it. I stopped reading long enough to get my King County Administrative and Fiscal Candidate Pool application finished and submitted, and then do that long workout. Whew! Feeling tired in a really good way.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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9/2/16 11:48 P

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Sorry about the post, I was having some computer issues and the computer shut down in the middle. Oops. I really am hoping to get a new computer soon. All I have is a chrome notebook and it is starting to fall apart.

I have great difficulty with a lot of exercise videos, partly because they all seem to be of 20 somethings who have not wrecked their knees or hips and cannot take the time to show modified versions of exercises. Even when I was a kid I seemed to gravitate to videos taught by middle aged women. Remember Jazzercise, and Jane Fonda videos? I was really fond of Cher's videos too. I also like Leslie Sansone's Walking videos. Hmm...I really do prefer to exercise with older women!

Sometimes I try to work with martial arts videos because the whole goal is to find a defensive art for your own body type. They don't really qualify as low impact though.

I blogged about my review at work. Definitely time to find a better work atmosphere!



What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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9/1/16 11:08 P

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Good lucking with the looking for something better. I'm not sure what you're having good luck with yet, but you may have discovered, as I have, that when writing a long message, if you post it partway through, you can always edit and add more, rather than hit the wrong key and lose paragraphs of writing.

I tried a Jessica Smith 30-minute "quiet" cardio that was supposed to be low impact. It was going fine, and she made the point to modify moves to work for you, and only do what feels good, and things were fine until we moved to the floor where she started speeding up, not showing the moves and explaining clearly, so I couldn't follow or see her and try to do the moves, or figure out how to modify for elbow pain when she had already rushed to the next move. I was in tears and had to quit. I proceeded to stay on the floor and do some knee strengthening/PT exercises, then some stretching. I got control, but my mood was soured for the night.

When I journaled the next morning, a part spoke right up, feeling betrayed by Jessica, not trusting that any new videos would be safe, that it might start out fine, but turn into something horrible. And how I hated having to quit or failing to finish because I wasn't good enough to keep up or strong enough to do her moves, or smart enough to figure out how to modify the moves safely when she was going so fast. Another part spoke up, gently interrupting in order to offer a different perspective, which is that there is *nothing* wrong with me simply because I can't keep up with someone 20 to 30 years younger than me who does this for a living. Having a different body or level of ability or skill doesn't make me less--just different. And she pointed out that stopping something that hurts or is upsetting is a wise and safe thing to do, and doing my own safe strengthening and stretching was a very nurturing and empowering choice, and not a failure at all. That really made me feel better! I do have some very perceptive and protective parts, and was pleased how that dark cloud from the prior evening disappeared, and my mood cleared up after that.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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9/1/16 10:00 P

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Yesterday was sort of an eye opener for me. I subbed again at the other school, and once again, my pedometer tracked that my steps were a lot lower than average. Then I got to my own school and things were once again very hectic and stressful. I don't know if it is just that group of kids, or it's the school environment, but there was the realization that my job is higher stress than it needs to be, and it is time to start looking for something a little more sustaining.

I'm doing well with the

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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9/1/16 1:18 A

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Planned to discuss last night's exercise issue (emotional) and the good work I did around it this morning--but just spent long enough reviewing the next application and planning my cover letter outline, that it's time to prep for bed. emoticon Hope to catch up w/ y'all soon! emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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8/31/16 12:22 A

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It was a crazy day. I subbed at our schools other location, then came back to my school and closed, and we had a parent get there late. I'm tired!

I'm glad you are working so diligently on finding something else. You've had to tighten your belt a lot, and since your job is so stressful, you shouldn't have to have so little compensation for all the stress.

Standing Pilates sounds good. Regular Pilates left me on the floor nearly weeping ever since I pulled an abdominal muscle in martial arts, but I think I could do standing.

Saw this and thought other survivors could relate:



What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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8/30/16 12:21 A

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I did a standing Pilates workout after work--OK, not horrible like the prone Pilates I've tried. Then put my application together, luckily proofread and found a number of tiny errors in my supplemental question responses (9, with 8 requiring a written paragraph). Got it all submitted, then made dinner--a nice big TJ salad plus extras, my style (otherwise known as a kitchen sink salad). emoticon

Now for some reading to earn my Summer Jam bonus points for 30 minutes of no screen time before bed!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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8/29/16 12:49 A

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emoticon on the loss! Any size is a success! emoticon I will continue praying for you, for the situation to be resolved in the most positive and peaceful way possible.

I had fun with a friend I met on Spark, who I've gone on walks with every once in awhile. She read on my city team where I asked for referrals for pet sitters, and on my status about issues I was having finding one, and how I had to get shots for Dora before vacation (time and expense issues). She told me she sometimes does pet sitting jobs! She came over and met Dora, and she'll be doing it during 6-Pack instead of the professional company--and charging less, so huge relief. And I still have a company I can use at other times, when she isn't available.

So then we went to Seward Park not far away in Seattle, on the edge of one of their lakes, and walked for a couple hours. Nothing strenuous, but a lot more steps than I normally get on a weekend! Got groceries afterwards, and a nap, then worked on my City of Tumwater application. I've created a Word document with responses to their 9 supplemental questions. And even though they didn't require it, I've written a cover letter and will attach a resume. I should be able to finish and submit it tomorrow, 2 days ahead of the due date. Then just one more app that I have to work on for King County, a candidate pool one for various admin and fiscal positions. I'm looking forward to it.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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8/28/16 11:55 P

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Goodness, I've had a tough week! Stupid Mercury in retrograde!

Big Dummy went overboard making things up to the girls, making it look like he had made a major sacrifice. He bought Sophia a phone for her birthday, knowing that I planned to get her an Obama phone. Most groups for abuse victims recommend disabling the phone while she is with me, but I chose to let her use it, but turned off the GPS. She, of course, is thrilled, but I'm not entirely sure she trusts him to keep paying the bill (if he doesn't, I'll get the Obama phone then). Sara is just happy he gave her copies of the photos he ripped up.

He gave them flowers to give to me. He's trying to suck me back in. I'm a little concerned about how he will react when he finds out I have filed final divorce papers, and I am asking for child and spousal support.

The good news is that I lost 1/2 a pound. Its not much, but I will take it!

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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8/28/16 12:08 A

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Had a good day. Kept bouncing between various activities: journaled and planned, 2 short cardio videos (1 for bad back, 1 for bad knees), short ST session for arms, worked on county application and eventually got it submitted, cleaning & household tasks, communicating with family, healthy food fixing, reading to relax in between, even took a nap. A low key and productive day.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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8/26/16 12:31 A

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Big Dummy is right. I hope he stupidly blows visitation--without causing the girls more trauma than he has already.

I think the tiredness is a combination of heat & overwork, with money matters compounding it all. Yes, taking the night off on Tuesday was exactly what I needed. Then I got a shock last night when my computer died suddenly and wouldn't restart. I checked that the cord was plugged into the laptop, and into the outlet. Was prepared to take it in to the Geek Squad after work today (hoping it wouldn't be out of commission too long, or cost too much to repair). As I began to bundle the cord, I discovered 2 parts had disconnected in the middle, so I had only run out of battery power! Boy was that a relief! And I had spun my login in the morning, which I usually don't do, so my streak is alive at 745 days today!
emoticon
The high today was slated for 89, but when I got in my car at 5:45, the temp said 91--and I was parked in the shade. Came home and turned on the bedroom a/c. Tomorrow is forecast at 92; I'll see how hot it gets in Tukwila. emoticon But then it should drop into the 70s and stay there for at least a week.
emoticon
Oh, I had my annual review. It was quite positive. I reserved the right to think about and add comments, which I plan to do--thanks for having my contributions acknowledged, pride in my growth and accomplishments, including my Wellness work, and the sincere hope that we will at some point be adequately staffed so as to improve customer and staff satisfaction, reduce employee stress, and allow for more professional growth and development.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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8/25/16 10:26 A

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I hope this exhaustion isn't a sign of anything affecting you health. I worry sometimes that with so much career stress it will begin affecting you.

His alcoholism has defiantly been a factor in his mental abuse, but also in his defiance of the court. He has been specifically told that he may not drink during their visits, or within an hour of seeing them. The kids can testify that he is drinking beer while they are there. Big Dummy.



What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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8/23/16 11:33 P

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I am *so* exhausted! I hoped to do some work here at home, but the afternoon was so tiring and stressful, that I had no energy left over. Got down on the floor to play with Dora when I arrived, and could easily have fallen asleep right there. I picked a fun and silly video to watch, "How to Steal a Million" w/ Audrey Hepburn and Peter O'Toole, and have been relaxing with it, taking breaks to do a few dishes, some handwashing and to fix a salad for dinner. Feeling relaxed now, but no more energetic. Want to Spark a wee bit more, finish the movie, have a bite of dessert and *go to bed early*!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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8/23/16 12:23 A

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Glad you had fun at Disneyland, but so sorry about the tires!

I wonder whether alcohol was one of the factors in the abuse--if so, could that be used to argue against him having more contact?

Did you read the article The Cost of Multitasking: 6 Health Risks You Should Know? Wow, I want to share it at work, especially with managers! www.sparkpeople.com/resource/wellnes
s_
articles.asp?id=2137


Had fun celebrating a coworker's birthday. Then the lobby exploded--when I returned from afternoon break ~4:20, I counted 9 people waiting in the lobby in addition to the 2 at the counter. I warned the manager and supervisor on my way back. We managed to handle them, with one person staying late. Thankfully there were no new contractors trying to start at that point, since that's a process that takes 45 minutes--or longer!

Did some planning at home, some Sparking, some ST and back exercises. Got my max fitness points. Happy with the lower temps. Don't know if it's still expected to hit 90 again on Friday. Wishing all a wonderful night and day tomorrow!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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8/21/16 10:33 P

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Just looked to catch up on posts and realized that the last 2 that I had written were not there. So I will be sure to make sure this one posts before I leave the page!

I know what you mean about not updating cats shots. I wouldn't have done it this summer, but when I took them to the vet (Zel had a urinary infection) it had to be done before they would release them. It has gotten much more expensive than it used to be, but the doctor told me that they won't need shots for another 3 years, so I bit the bullet.

I'm glad that you are back on the job search. I've been thinking about doing the same. I love my students but the search for reliable babysitters, the living from check to check, it just adds up. I think one of the reasons I haven't lost anything this year is from that stress.
On the other hand, substituting is stressful as well, so I may not be gaining much from that move.

Something I wrote about in my missing post was that I finally took the kids to Disneyland! We had a wonderful day, 14 hours of walking, riding the rides, buying a few souvenirs (you just have to get mouse ears while you are there; or in my daughters case, Maleficient's horns.

We had a wonderful day, but had a blowout on the way home. I ended up buying 3 new tires.

Since then I have had to get a new sitter (I think I have found someone truly reliable, at least I have my fingers crossed), and my ex-husband has been giving me (and the kids) grief. He even texted me a picture of him drinking "nonalcoholic" beer. My daughter read the label, and it still has a large amount of alcohol. Now he says that he got a new job and gets off early, so he should watch the kids after school. Considering his parenting skills, I'm thinking...NO. I may have a tough battle in the courts though.



What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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8/21/16 2:36 P

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Oh my, busy and productive day yesterday. I got some much-needed cleaning done as well as a bunch of errands. One of those was a Costco grocery run, and afterwards chopped & froze the large tub of mushrooms emoticon and trimmed the peppers emoticon , chopping & freezing a few, though most I left in trimmed sections to slice & add to salads or eat raw w/ dip.

Other errands included picking up BD gifts for my favorite coworker (8/20) and my favorite sister (8/25) emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Remembered I hadn't made my car loan payment, so stopped by the credit union, and made 2 house keys for the pet sitter service before the afternoon appointment. I really liked the young lady who came, and I'm pretty impressed with their thoroughness and planning for potential issues--like having 2 keys--one that stays in the office, and one that is taken by that day's sitter.

She took a bunch of notes to add to the detailed profile I had already created online, explained more of their protocols which helped me understand why the extra requirements--which really are designed to protect them & their clients and animals. The one requirement that was causing stress is their demand all pets be current on shots. Yes I know I should, but Dora stays indoors, and frankly money and time are issues right now. Sarah did make an appreciated strong recommendation for a nearby vet--that she uses for her animals--and warned me away from a convenient one that she didn't trust from personal experience. So I'm feeling better about having found a reliable service to use when I need to.

But I won't need them in September, because the universe gave me a gift! emoticon emoticon emoticon I had posted a query on the wall of the Seattle team, asking for recommendations for pet sitters. And a emoticon who lives quite close, and with whom I've gone on a few walks and hikes, saw it and Spark mailed me to say she does some pet sitting on the side! I never knew, & wouldn't have asked, but the dates work, so I'll be paying a friend whom I already trust, which helps her, and saves me the hassle and expense of arranging for shots in the next couple of weeks (though I will do it before too long for safety's sake), which helps me! emoticon

Finally, I did some organizing of upcoming apps, arranged them by due date & started on the one due Monday. Discovered that even though it's with the State Treasurer's Office (OST), they don't use the state application form, and I'd have to copy and paste a whole boatload of information. I decided not to invest that much time in a job that really wanted accounting experience and education, that would have been OK but not great. So now I'll start on ones that give me more time to prepare, which means I can do shorter work sessions to complete them. Another win!

Edited by: BLESSEDBEING at: 8/21/2016 (14:46)
Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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8/17/16 11:49 P

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I looked over some jobs, went back and forth on one, but decided I really wouldn't enjoy the work, so won't bother with that one. Printed one with the city of Tumwater--a secretary with the Parks Dept. I'm not precisely trained for it, but it pays better than what I'm doing, and would get me where I'd rather be, so I'll try.

Did a little sorting, some cleaning, and some ST & stretching tonight, which is making several parts happy! Time for dinner (had a veggie snack right after work), then relax and bed.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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8/17/16 12:25 A

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Put in some planning time after work. I feel so much better when I do that! Caught up on some chores. Planned to start working on the District Court Clerk app for King County, but they pulled it. It had no due date, but was continuous while they built up a candidate pool, and I guess they decided their pool was big enough. So I'll go back and check a few I flagged but hadn't printed out, and see if any appeal.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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8/15/16 10:52 P

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In addition to submitting the Evergreen College app last night, I also replied to the email from Friday telling me my packet for a Fiscal Analyst position with Fish and Wildlife (DFW) had been referred for further consideration, telling them I was very excited by the news, still interested, but had some days scheduled out of town. (6-Pack vacation coming in early September.) I said I'd be happy to meet with them before or after those dates, if I'm selected to interview. I hope they'll appreciate that I'm organized/planning ahead and keeping them informed.

Today was nuts at work. Down 2 people, could never catch up with stuff left over from last week, or that came in today. That can be demoralizing--which point I want to make in an exit interview, along with many others!

Got my new lease signed after work. That's one worry laid to rest. Also checked on reviews for the pet sitting business I finally managed to get my online profile set up for. They were overwhelmingly positive, which relieves me greatly. Trying to get a meeting set up now.

Need to do my back stretches, and legs too, as they are feeling tight. I'm taking the night off from any applications, but will probably begin again tomorrow, this time for King County. I just really want to start making a decent salary--which is impossible where I am.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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8/15/16 1:14 A

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Pulled out the portable A/C unit & plugged in. It was 30 C in the bedroom, which converts to 86 F. No wonder I was sweating while I sat and meditated!

Met sister Mary for lunch, catching up and planning vacation. emoticon

Then groceries, a short nap, back exercises, and submitted the college application. Also emailed the DFW folks letting them know I'm happy I'm being considered, and advising them when I'll be on vacation and unavailable.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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Posts: 12,089
8/13/16 9:58 P

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I was helping a coworker edit data in an application she is still learning on Friday morning, leaning over her desk as she sat, looking at her screen, showing her what to do. When I straightened up, I was amazed to feel a lot of pain in my lower back. I took some naproxen and took a slow walk at break, stuck it out a few hours, but had to call it quits at lunchtime. I couldn't even find my heating pad, but used an ice pack intermittently. Found some nice stretching and strengthening routines when I Googled back pain exercises:
breakingmuscle.com/yoga/heal-your-lo
we
r-back-pain-with-these-5-yoga-poses?R>page=0,0

www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle
/a
dult-health/multimedia/back-pain/slsR>-20076265?s=1


I've tried those today. Did 2 loads of laundry--took down and back up in separate trips, so as not to carry a heavy load up and down 2 stories. Back still twinges sometimes, but doing better. I've determined I really do need to squeeze in a little ST and stretching, even on evenings I working on applications. My body needs attention, too!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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8/12/16 12:32 A

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Just a short post. I got a nice compliment from my supervisor about my positive attitude being noticed and much appreciated. emoticon It always feels good to be acknowledged.

I finished drafting and typing my "letter of application" for the state college I'd most like to work at. (They have a reputation as "tree huggers.") Absolutely no idea how it will be received, but I tooted my own horn relating to many specifics in the 6-page job description, while being honest about desired qualifications I don't have--admin assistant experience to a manager or work in a college setting. I'll review and tweak tomorrow, and should have no trouble finishing the application ahead of the 8/15 deadline.

Of course I also have a pet sitter to hire, a new rental lease to work out and sign, and I'd like to get a little ST and sorting done again. But I'm pretty pooped right now, and feel the need to relax--after a bit more Sparking, of course! emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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8/10/16 12:38 A

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Today was pretty horrid at work, and I kept thinking how desperately I want to leave. That's not a good headspace to come from as far as being attractive to someone who's looking to hire--and it's not even how I feel all the time. A bunch of things just crashed on me, and when I'm honest, I just don't feel like I am/we are treated well, and I don't foresee substantive changes coming.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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8/8/16 11:53 P

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As I mention on my status, I just submitted the Fish and Wildlife app for a Fiscal Tech 2--it's due on Wed, so I was pleased to finish it 2 days early. My next, with Evergreen College, an Admin Asst, is due 8/15. Then comes a court clerk w/ King County that is continuous--they build a candidate pool for a number of placements--some locations I wouldn't be interested in. There are some other upcoming ones I haven't decided on whether to try for. It's working well to give myself time to work on them over several days--though they do take up a lot of my time. ST and sorting tend to get overlooked when I'm working on apps, as I need down time between drafting, typing, & revising sessions.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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8/7/16 11:45 P

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Great ideas. I've thought of asking my BIL if he'd be willing to see if he can sell some things online for me--he's retired and can get stuffed mailed during the day. We'd split what comes in. I feel a bit awkward asking, but I'd love to get something for some of my stuff instead of just donating all of it.

I got my hair trimmed, then ran to the dollar store--they're out of the little wire shelfs I had hoped to pick up to store my ice cube trays since the new fridge doesn't have the little ice cube "loft" like the old one. I checked at Target, but just couldn't make myself pay $7 for a little bit of wire! Got other things there, then got groceries. Got home too late to take a nap, so had lunch, then coffee, and typed up my letter of interest, the 2 essay supplemental questions, and my references for this job; I'm going back and including my last Asst Mgr at the bookstore, since I refer to my experience there.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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8/7/16 8:59 P

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It sounds like you are making tremendous progress on your job hunt. In the meantime, have you considered some things you can do on the side? You used to teach, so maybe tutoring, or on-line tutoring, would be a way to supplement your income. If you have availability, maybe you could do some babysitting? Maybe selling some stuff on craigslist? That at least would help with the de-cluttering.

I'm just thinking that, until you get something else, this might help supplement your income. I hate to see you giving up massages, as you seem so much less prone to colds and flu since starting them.

I am beginning the search for a new babysitter. As much as I have liked my old one, she is having a lot of marital difficulties and has "left" her home 3 times this summer. After the last time she told me that eventually she will have to get a better job, as she probably won't go back to her husband and the place she is staying is too small. (I offered to let her use my home but she doesn't like cats or clutter, so that isn't really feasible). Fortunately, I have two months to find a sitter rather than finding someone last minute. Still, if I can't find someone soon, I may just become a substitute teacher so that I have afternoon hours available.

I spent today cleaning and cooking for the week. I didn't get it all done, but I'm still pretty impressed with my front rooms. The bedrooms and bathroom will have to wait until my lesson plan and laundry are done. I'll try to push myself to do it after work.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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8/6/16 11:26 P

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Got a bit of a headache--I think I need a new eye exam and prescription for reading glasses. I never got around to buying glasses after the last exam I had, and I think I'm suffering from eye strain.

Otherwise, I'm feeling pretty satisfied. I drafted my cover letter for the next application on my list, and I feel good about it. I've also done my first ST since getting sick, some cleaning and sorting, some relaxing, and took a long nap this afternoon. I also had a good talk with my sister after dinner, enjoyed catching up. I guess I'm feeling balanced & pleased with my progress.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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8/5/16 11:55 P

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Feeling good that I planned out when to work on the next 3 applications (and decided not to go for a lateral transfer for the same money). Also did some pet sitter research and reached out to 2 businesses, asking if they serve my location.

Got some contractor packets reviewed at work, and trained the other late person how to scan business license applications for the agency we process them for. Between us we may be able to catch up on a little of our big backlog in the final half hour after customers are gone--after we close down the computers, change the date stamps, file the visitor logs and all the daily paperwork.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
215
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (170,515)
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8/5/16 12:09 A

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I started looking over the next app I'll try for. I got notices for a new King County job, and several state ones. I'll try for the county one, since it's substantially better pay, whereas the state ones go just a little higher than where I am now. I figure if I find ones that sound interesting and a good match for my skills, I might as well try for the better paying ones!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
215
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (170,515)
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Posts: 12,089
8/4/16 12:44 A

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I was so exhausted and frustrated when I left work today that I was almost in tears. 2 people out, and just impossible to keep up, much less catch up with work. Oh, and one of my coworkers was moved to an earlier lunch this week, so when I was ready to go to lunch a little past 12, I couldn't--because 3 others were at lunch already, and I was the only person in the front office just then, with customers waiting. I won't mind if my lunchtime is changed to a later one, but it would be nice to have it planned, and not forced to wait an hour before there was enough coverage to take my break.

I wasn't sure I could drum up enough energy to finish my job application, but I fixed a snack of fresh veggies and dip, ate that while I read a library book, and was calm enough type up my cover letter, then the supplemental essay question response. I broke once or twice to play a single game of Spider Solitaire, then returned to the application process. I pushed through and got it submitted a bit after 8. Just finished dinner, and will head to bed before long.

This is a program assistant position at a much higher pay range (it starts right around the top of my current range, where I'm stuck) and sounds like it would be quite interesting, where my talents and experience would be very helpful. It's out of my control, but I've opened myself for their consideration, and I'll just see what happens.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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8/3/16 12:46 A

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Just finished a draft for my cover letter. The supplemental questions are thankfully few, and I think my application materials will transfer from my state government version to the county job I'm applying for. I think it's due tomorrow morning, so I have one more night to finish. Luckily I encountered a part this morning who volunteered to work on the cover letter, because she thinks we're great and wants to let people get to know us, and doesn't especially care what they decide to do, but is clear that we deserve the chance for people to take a closer look--if they're smart enough to see how much I can offer! She's got a pretty healthy attitude, so I was happy to let her run with it!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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8/2/16 12:15 A

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I'm so tired. We had 3 people out, and we weren't swamped with customers, but we're just not catching up, and I keep coughing which is annoying and exhausting. I'm taking cough syrup and a new tissue box to work tomorrow. Drinking tea helped. I want to work on my first application, due Thursday--and I just can't make myself do it; I'm too beat.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (170,515)
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8/1/16 12:58 A

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Hang in there, Amy. Just keep taking care of you and the girls the best you can. Getting strong and being happy are the best revenge. It may not happen quickly or easily, but every step in a positive direction is a powerful one.

Just got notification yesterday that rent is going up again by $100 a month. Our little 1.5% raise that went into affect this month only brings home $20 more a pay period (twice a month). I cancelled a computer game membership I wasn't using, but that's less than $10 a month, and the cable bill went down a little, but it will mean more cuts in spending--and resuming the job search, which I had set aside while trying to focus on decluttering. It also means I won't be resuming the massage membership like I had hoped to.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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7/31/16 3:14 P

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This was a tough week. Court went well, in fact since my X agreed to all of the mediators report he and his lawyer didn't even show up. I wasn't happy that the girls now have to spend Wednesday nights with their father, because I miss them, but figured it would be okay. The judge asked about how the actual divorce is going, but acknowledged that the custody issues have been a lot to deal with.

After the court date, however, he went back to being...well, him. I've been getting a lot of texts that allude to things that I would understand as threats, but that the cops would not. I've called the police in the past, but they are rarely helpful. They just call him and tell him to stop texting. Since he is often drunk when he sends them, they don't usually make a lot of sense.

This wouldn't get to me so much, though, if I weren't suffering so much with my allergies. I've never had them affect me so much! It seems as though every other day my sinus is swollen. It makes me really want a nap.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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7/31/16 12:18 A

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I spent about an hour in a few sessions, sorting and tossing papers. It felt like I didn't make much of a dent until I merged two ~ half-full boxes into one full one, and got to take the empty one away. I tried the journal thing again, of writing what I was feeling before, then a couple times during/just after sorting sessions. Interesting to note what comes up--positive and negative.

I also cooked up veggie stock, found the missing red cabbage and cauliflower heads that were forgotten in the trunk (luckily they weren't spoiled!), did cardio and ST, and made a library run

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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7/29/16 10:00 P

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I made it through the day. Coughed more than I expected--but then I wasn't answering phones at home. I would answer a few calls then take a break, and stayed off the counter until about 3:15, where I mostly stayed until after 5. It was a light customer day until about 3:30, so I got caught up with emails and my Summer Jam captain duties after a week out.

I knew the apartment had been getting warmer, but had been out for extended periods. When I came home, the car said it was 92. I checked the 10-day forecast, and it isn't supposed to hit 80 until a week from Monday, 10 days from now; otherwise mid-to-high-70s. I can only hope!!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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7/29/16 1:10 A

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Let us know how court went. Hope you are doing OK, Amy!

I was sure yesterday that I'd be back at work today. Around noon I was getting ready for a grocery run (I had been eeking out what I had on hand to last until I felt up to running errands), and noticed water on the floor by the refrigerator. I'd been having problems with cold spots, and a few things freezing, as well as water that I couldn't find a source for. I checked under the crisper drawer, and there was a bunch of standing water there. So I mopped that up before heading out. I reported it to the management office before heading out to 4 stores. Normally I would have taken a nap when I got back, but after a quick bite, the maintenance guys showed up and said they could replace my fridge--but I'd need to clear a path for it to come through.

So I started moving furniture and stacks of boxes, pulling items sticking out to far into the hall from the shelves and cube sorters there. Took everything off the door and the top of the fridge, then I realized I needed to remove everything from inside--all those groceries I just bought! Put cold stuff in 2 coolers and 2 insulated bags with cold packs. Got done in time, but got way overheated and tired out. Managed to keep the cat from escaping with the door open for extended periods. I did a good job creating a path, but there was barely clearance in the hall. We had to remove some things that got stacked, or put outside. Barely managed to get the replacement in.

I was worried about how long it would take to get cold. The freezer started chilling quickly, but after 30 minutes, I didn't notice the fridge section getting noticeably cool. So I reported that to the office, and was told they'd be sure to have the guys check. before they left for the day at 5. It was 4:20 or so then. A little before 5 one of the guys returned with 2 thermometers, for the freezer and lower sections, told me the freezer should be at 10 degrees and the fridge part between 30 and 40. The freezer hit target pretty fast, but it took quite a while for the lower part to get under 50. I adjusted the dial a little colder to give it a boost.

Anyway, with all the stress and rush and extra effort expended, plus no nap as originally planned, I was not up to going in today. But my energy is beginning to return. Sneezing and runny nose are done, only occasional coughing, still blowing lots of gunk out of my nose. (I once commented, in my 30s, in the aftermath of a bad cold like this, "I can't believe the human head can contain this much snot!")

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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7/26/16 9:52 P

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Really sorry you are being overworked at school and have to deal with the girls being upset by spending time with him and the possibility of being required to spend more time with him.

Spoke to the consulting nurse at Group Health (after being on hold 20 minutes--guess they must be busy). Discussed symptoms, remedies & when it's safe to return to work. I've been doing a lot of the right things, though she had a couple suggestions new to me for coughing: holding a pillow against my chest might help with pain (haven't tried it yet, as the coughs are occasional only, & a pillow isn't always at hand) & applying heat to the chest. Haven't tried the latter either; I think I have a buckwheat pillow/roll somewhere, if I can find it--I got talked into it by a kiosk sales lady who showed how it could be chilled or heated before applying, but like the slicer/dicer salespeople at the fair, you can never remember all the cool stuff they did after you get home!

She said I could return anytime, depending on my work, just to wash my hands frequently, and try not to touch my face. Actually when I was reading about colds and flu while waiting on hold, it mentioned that as a way to prevent getting sick. And she said cold virus can live for several hours on a surface, which is why you don't want to touch your face unless you've washed your hands. I feel like I need one more day of rest before I try returning--and to get groceries; I've really been making do today with what's on hand. And I want to talk to my boss to see if I can stay away from the counter my first day back, since I never know when I'm going to go into a coughing or sneezing fit, and since the stations and supplies at the counter are used by all of us, and I don't want to risk passing anything to coworkers (or customers). If I can stay at my desk, we'd all be safer. Then I could catch up with work and answer phones.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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7/25/16 11:08 A

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Is it possible that allergies are bothering you, instead of/in addition to a cold? In my area, people who have had very few allergy issues before are suddenly getting them because of the rains in spring making the pollen count very high.

I've been preparing for the "child inspired" art auction at the preschool where I work. It's being held to raise money for a teacher conference that I most likely will be unable to go to because it is an overnight conference, and with my custody case I am unable to leave the kids overnight. Basically, the kids do a background on the canvas and then teachers paint in the rest of a picture, hopefully based on what the kids want. This being my first year with the school I am doing my part, but I feel like they should have gotten started much earlier on it. Right now, there is a lot of pressure on teachers to get things done, and a lot of bemoaning the fact that we don't have a lot of canvasses finished. Since I spend a lot of free time on lesson planning and shopping for supplies, I'm feeling a bit put upon.

I go back to court tomorrow. I'm dreading it, because I know that the mediator is going to suggest that the girls have dinner 1 night per week in addition to spending every other weekend with him. It takes awhile to get the kids back to normal after they see their dad, and this won't help. They fight a lot more after seeing their father, because he manipulates them so deftly.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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7/24/16 11:47 P

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This is the worst cold I've had in a long time! Nose still runny, some coughing and sneezing, and tired! I managed a little strength training with much resting between sets--first exercise in 4 days. I don't see any way I'll feel up to going to work tomorrow. I haven't done laundry or gotten groceries, and haven't gotten through a day without a nap. I've had to replace 2 tissue boxes around the apartment.

I did read and comment on a couple articles in the Tips Forum. Hope everyone else is feeling healthier than I am!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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7/21/16 11:09 P

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No fitness challenge for me tonight. I made it through the day, but cold symptoms started getting me down in the afternoon. I came home, stretched on the sofa & watched TV. Will have soup soon, then got to bed. Unlikely I'll make it in tomorrow.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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7/21/16 12:53 A

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Got caught up in library searching & reserving of titles, then dinner. Now Sparking late; just finished my exercise challenge--core today.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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7/20/16 12:29 A

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Things got hectic this afternoon, and I missed my afternoon break, so I left early. That worked out, since I was able to get to the credit union, post office and bank--all before they closed at 6. Toss in spending $3 at the dollar store, and a little more at Target, and I got my 10,000 steps, even without that last walking break!

This time I came home and finally managed to log onto the credit union's online banking. You have to get a temp logon from the branch, but it disappears in less than 24 hours, and I didn't make it in time this last weekend. I hadn't expected the post office to still be open, & got to find out how much a postcard stamp is (34 cents). I had the postcard, and a variety of stamps, including a 29- and a 5-cent one, but realized I didn't have the address, so will be writing out a note to my father (old school, doesn't do email) to let him know our brother is safe over in Turkey. (Since he was my abuser, we are cordial, but not close, and I don't call him--don't even have his phone number.)

Keeping up with my Spark exercise challenge and cleaning and sorting spurts (5 minutes with the timer).

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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7/19/16 12:21 A

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One issue with not following the news, is I'm not up on world events, so I didn't know there had been an attempted coup in Turkey where my brother and SIL are living. I got an email with a subject line "We're fine" and realized--uh-oh, something happened over there that would have worried me if I'd known about it. They are stuck on base, which is OK for Paul, who's working (~ 12 hour days, he said), but Shahla is bored silly with nothing to do and nowhere to go.

My friend from work, whose mother passed away was at work for the first time in a week. It was so nice to see her, and I was glad to be able to give her my card and gift (massage gift card). I've missed her, and it was good to just listen as she shared what happened at the hospital (massive heart attack), and how her mom said 3 different times "I want to go home." It was only looking back that she realized her mom was talking about her heavenly home, and not her house. My friend wasn't as ready to let go at first, but came to see it was time to end the resuscitation attempts and let her mom be at peace. {sigh}

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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7/17/16 11:52 P

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So emoticon you missed the party. But I'm pleased that the day held blessings for you, and that you were open to recognizing and receiving them.

It really is true that how we respond to life makes so much difference in what we end up experiencing--as my mantra goes, "I decide what kind of day it will be: I can choose joy or misery."

I realized that I let those stupid phone menus rattle and enrage me, on top of the confusion, rudeness and hassle of the equipment exchange yesterday. It occurred to me this morning that I could make a different choice when I am faced with a poorly designed menu that gives me confusing or inadequate choices: rather than getting angry, I could guess what to choose, explain my issue to whomever finally answers, and give them the specifics of why I didn't know what option to pick.

I had another productive day, in which I watched my energy. A couple times I started to get worried about what "I have to" do, and I rested for a bit, reminding myself this is an outcome I really want, and was able to approach it with eagerness to accomplish the task, rather than resistance (possibly due to fear of not doing it "good enough" or "soon enough" or "right." I think this could be a significant development for me, and want to play with it some more.

I did 2 days' worth of ST challenge exercises, put in some planning time, rearranged the living room a little to open up more exercise space--made possible by clearing a stack of boxes over the last few weeks. I picked up 2 massage gift cards with an online coupon--I'm giving one to my dear friend whose mother passed away last week--then got groceries. I've done some sorting, cleaning, a bit more rearranging to increase space and flow. And I've renewed using an organizing binder, including upcoming areas to work on and what I'll get out of clearing them. I still want to choose which sympathy card to write in and compose my message of condolence, support, and love. Otherwise I'm relaxing before bed.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
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7/17/16 10:02 P

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It sounds like you have been really organized and on top of things with all of your errands!

Yesterday I was supposed to go to a birthday party that my Aunt Peggy and Uncle Rodney Brooks were throwing for my Grandma's 100th birthday. I checked online with several people and google to see how long it would take to get there. We left at 9:30 am, planning to get there between 12:30 and 1. Even if there was traffic, I thought, that would leave us some time at the party.
Hear that? That's the sound of traffic demons laughing at me.
Instead of the 3 to 4 I had been told it would take, it took 5 1/2 hours to get there. We arrived just after the last car left.
My daughters burst into tears when the man at the desk told us, so he ran out to see if he could find anyone remaining, then offered to let us explore and hike the grounds of the hotel where it was held. Instead, I drove to the beach and let the girls play for awhile, and called my uncle, who had a vague idea of where people had gone afterward. We tried to find it after the girls had played for awhile, but Sara's blood sugar dropped, so we went to dinner instead, then went home.
The traffic demons rubbed it in by making sure the return trip only took 2 1/2 hours. Stupid traffic demons.

The one bright spot was that people were truly wonderful to us throughout the day. When we went to the beach there were some volunteers from the natural history museum who told us a bit about the animals that live in the water, and we got to see a real whale tooth (made from the same keratin that our fingernails are made of, they are really interesting. In fact, I wouldn't have guessed it was a tooth.). The wait staff at the restaurant expressed several times that my girls were so polite and well behaved, and gave the girls free refills on their cocoa because the girls rushed over to pick up some dishes when a waiter accidentally dropped them. That made me feel pretty good.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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7/17/16 1:06 A

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I had quite a day. Went to return my old modem--since they were charging me a monthly fee for it, as I discovered, and exchange cable boxes--to be told that I couldn't do it at the kiosk. After my other errands and several frustrated calls to Comcast, it turns out there's a store across the street from the mall, that their "third party" fellow didn't know about. He had told me I'd have to drive to Federal Way--13 miles away by freeway, and wouldn't look up an address. I complained about his rudeness and lack of customer service to many Comcast employees throughout the day.

Had a lovely fellow at Battery & Bulbs Plus use his tools to open the battery compartment on my digital scale, then sell me the replacement battery--for under $5! Now *that* was service! Also made a thrift store donation, got gas and a few groceries at Costco.

After lunch, called Comcast to complain & got a lovely lady in MN who looked up the directions and clued me into the fact that the store was in a separate but very nearby location to the mall. So I took care of the equipment switch, then this evening got the new box installed, but couldn't get the remote programmed, so had to call Comcast again, and got a very helpful young man to get me programmed and set up. Everyone apologized for the unhelpful idiot at the kiosk, and in fact took very good care of me.

I finished sorting and emptying another box, and am trying to decide what to tackle next, since I actually got through my first stack! emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
215
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158.75
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (170,515)
Fitness Minutes: (127,856)
Posts: 12,089
7/15/16 12:30 A

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I took a sick day today. I waffled back and forth about whether to call in. I wasn't truly sick, but my head was stuffy and I couldn't get my ears to pop. Once I finally decided to rest at home, I noticed other little symptoms that might have strengthened had I pushed myself. When I nap on the weekends, I usually sleep for 60-90 minutes, but I conked out between 2 and 2.5 hours this afternoon! I'm confident I'll be much more productive at work tomorrow.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (170,515)
Fitness Minutes: (127,856)
Posts: 12,089
7/14/16 1:11 A

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Spent planning and organizing time today, making calls, and sorting, planning future tasks. It helps me feel very capable--which is nice. It will be interesting if the numbers change at all after I get the scale battery changed--it requires a tiny Phillips screwdriver to open the battery compartment--which I don't have! But the battery store does, so I'll buy them there, and they'll help me replace them. emoticon

Yesterday, my supervisor told me she was giving me the first hour of my shift to do organizing for the unit and in my cubicle (on a ongoing basis)--which will be so welcome! I started dealing with the piles of used toner cartridges and waste toner collectors and other such items to return to be recycled. It's one of those things that I'm the only one who's ever done it, so it's just left for me to deal with. Then I'll get to all the files and projects and how to instructions that I never get around to putting away.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (170,515)
Fitness Minutes: (127,856)
Posts: 12,089
7/13/16 12:20 A

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I completely understand. It's hard to impose order from chaos--and knowing where to focus effort can be totally overwhelming. Wishing everybody well (on your side, anyway) tomorrow--I'll be praying for you all. How's your friend?

I stayed up a bit late rereading the second Other novel by Anne Bishop, Murder of Crows. These books probably tie with Butcher's Dresden Files series as my second favorite urban fantasy series, after Patricia Briggs' Mercy Thompson and Alpha & Omega novels and short stories. So I'm quite tired right now, may not Spark long, though will try to hit 100 points at least.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 150.0 
 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
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