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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (166,601)
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8/26/16 12:31 A

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Big Dummy is right. I hope he stupidly blows visitation--without causing the girls more trauma than he has already.

I think the tiredness is a combination of heat & overwork, with money matters compounding it all. Yes, taking the night off on Tuesday was exactly what I needed. Then I got a shock last night when my computer died suddenly and wouldn't restart. I checked that the cord was plugged into the laptop, and into the outlet. Was prepared to take it in to the Geek Squad after work today (hoping it wouldn't be out of commission too long, or cost too much to repair). As I began to bundle the cord, I discovered 2 parts had disconnected in the middle, so I had only run out of battery power! Boy was that a relief! And I had spun my login in the morning, which I usually don't do, so my streak is alive at 745 days today!
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The high today was slated for 89, but when I got in my car at 5:45, the temp said 91--and I was parked in the shade. Came home and turned on the bedroom a/c. Tomorrow is forecast at 92; I'll see how hot it gets in Tukwila. emoticon But then it should drop into the 70s and stay there for at least a week.
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Oh, I had my annual review. It was quite positive. I reserved the right to think about and add comments, which I plan to do--thanks for having my contributions acknowledged, pride in my growth and accomplishments, including my Wellness work, and the sincere hope that we will at some point be adequately staffed so as to improve customer and staff satisfaction, reduce employee stress, and allow for more professional growth and development.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 1,165
8/25/16 10:26 A

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I hope this exhaustion isn't a sign of anything affecting you health. I worry sometimes that with so much career stress it will begin affecting you.

His alcoholism has defiantly been a factor in his mental abuse, but also in his defiance of the court. He has been specifically told that he may not drink during their visits, or within an hour of seeing them. The kids can testify that he is drinking beer while they are there. Big Dummy.



What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (166,601)
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8/23/16 11:33 P

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I am *so* exhausted! I hoped to do some work here at home, but the afternoon was so tiring and stressful, that I had no energy left over. Got down on the floor to play with Dora when I arrived, and could easily have fallen asleep right there. I picked a fun and silly video to watch, "How to Steal a Million" w/ Audrey Hepburn and Peter O'Toole, and have been relaxing with it, taking breaks to do a few dishes, some handwashing and to fix a salad for dinner. Feeling relaxed now, but no more energetic. Want to Spark a wee bit more, finish the movie, have a bite of dessert and *go to bed early*!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
215
196.25
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158.75
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (166,601)
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8/23/16 12:23 A

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Glad you had fun at Disneyland, but so sorry about the tires!

I wonder whether alcohol was one of the factors in the abuse--if so, could that be used to argue against him having more contact?

Did you read the article The Cost of Multitasking: 6 Health Risks You Should Know? Wow, I want to share it at work, especially with managers! www.sparkpeople.com/resource/wellnes
s_
articles.asp?id=2137


Had fun celebrating a coworker's birthday. Then the lobby exploded--when I returned from afternoon break ~4:20, I counted 9 people waiting in the lobby in addition to the 2 at the counter. I warned the manager and supervisor on my way back. We managed to handle them, with one person staying late. Thankfully there were no new contractors trying to start at that point, since that's a process that takes 45 minutes--or longer!

Did some planning at home, some Sparking, some ST and back exercises. Got my max fitness points. Happy with the lower temps. Don't know if it's still expected to hit 90 again on Friday. Wishing all a wonderful night and day tomorrow!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 1,165
8/21/16 10:33 P

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Just looked to catch up on posts and realized that the last 2 that I had written were not there. So I will be sure to make sure this one posts before I leave the page!

I know what you mean about not updating cats shots. I wouldn't have done it this summer, but when I took them to the vet (Zel had a urinary infection) it had to be done before they would release them. It has gotten much more expensive than it used to be, but the doctor told me that they won't need shots for another 3 years, so I bit the bullet.

I'm glad that you are back on the job search. I've been thinking about doing the same. I love my students but the search for reliable babysitters, the living from check to check, it just adds up. I think one of the reasons I haven't lost anything this year is from that stress.
On the other hand, substituting is stressful as well, so I may not be gaining much from that move.

Something I wrote about in my missing post was that I finally took the kids to Disneyland! We had a wonderful day, 14 hours of walking, riding the rides, buying a few souvenirs (you just have to get mouse ears while you are there; or in my daughters case, Maleficient's horns.

We had a wonderful day, but had a blowout on the way home. I ended up buying 3 new tires.

Since then I have had to get a new sitter (I think I have found someone truly reliable, at least I have my fingers crossed), and my ex-husband has been giving me (and the kids) grief. He even texted me a picture of him drinking "nonalcoholic" beer. My daughter read the label, and it still has a large amount of alcohol. Now he says that he got a new job and gets off early, so he should watch the kids after school. Considering his parenting skills, I'm thinking...NO. I may have a tough battle in the courts though.



What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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8/21/16 2:36 P

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Oh my, busy and productive day yesterday. I got some much-needed cleaning done as well as a bunch of errands. One of those was a Costco grocery run, and afterwards chopped & froze the large tub of mushrooms emoticon and trimmed the peppers emoticon , chopping & freezing a few, though most I left in trimmed sections to slice & add to salads or eat raw w/ dip.

Other errands included picking up BD gifts for my favorite coworker (8/20) and my favorite sister (8/25) emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Remembered I hadn't made my car loan payment, so stopped by the credit union, and made 2 house keys for the pet sitter service before the afternoon appointment. I really liked the young lady who came, and I'm pretty impressed with their thoroughness and planning for potential issues--like having 2 keys--one that stays in the office, and one that is taken by that day's sitter.

She took a bunch of notes to add to the detailed profile I had already created online, explained more of their protocols which helped me understand why the extra requirements--which really are designed to protect them & their clients and animals. The one requirement that was causing stress is their demand all pets be current on shots. Yes I know I should, but Dora stays indoors, and frankly money and time are issues right now. Sarah did make an appreciated strong recommendation for a nearby vet--that she uses for her animals--and warned me away from a convenient one that she didn't trust from personal experience. So I'm feeling better about having found a reliable service to use when I need to.

But I won't need them in September, because the universe gave me a gift! emoticon emoticon emoticon I had posted a query on the wall of the Seattle team, asking for recommendations for pet sitters. And a emoticon who lives quite close, and with whom I've gone on a few walks and hikes, saw it and Spark mailed me to say she does some pet sitting on the side! I never knew, & wouldn't have asked, but the dates work, so I'll be paying a friend whom I already trust, which helps her, and saves me the hassle and expense of arranging for shots in the next couple of weeks (though I will do it before too long for safety's sake), which helps me! emoticon

Finally, I did some organizing of upcoming apps, arranged them by due date & started on the one due Monday. Discovered that even though it's with the State Treasurer's Office (OST), they don't use the state application form, and I'd have to copy and paste a whole boatload of information. I decided not to invest that much time in a job that really wanted accounting experience and education, that would have been OK but not great. So now I'll start on ones that give me more time to prepare, which means I can do shorter work sessions to complete them. Another win!

Edited by: BLESSEDBEING at: 8/21/2016 (14:46)
Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
215
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158.75
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (166,601)
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8/17/16 11:49 P

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I looked over some jobs, went back and forth on one, but decided I really wouldn't enjoy the work, so won't bother with that one. Printed one with the city of Tumwater--a secretary with the Parks Dept. I'm not precisely trained for it, but it pays better than what I'm doing, and would get me where I'd rather be, so I'll try.

Did a little sorting, some cleaning, and some ST & stretching tonight, which is making several parts happy! Time for dinner (had a veggie snack right after work), then relax and bed.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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158.75
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (166,601)
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8/17/16 12:25 A

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Put in some planning time after work. I feel so much better when I do that! Caught up on some chores. Planned to start working on the District Court Clerk app for King County, but they pulled it. It had no due date, but was continuous while they built up a candidate pool, and I guess they decided their pool was big enough. So I'll go back and check a few I flagged but hadn't printed out, and see if any appeal.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
215
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158.75
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (166,601)
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8/15/16 10:52 P

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In addition to submitting the Evergreen College app last night, I also replied to the email from Friday telling me my packet for a Fiscal Analyst position with Fish and Wildlife (DFW) had been referred for further consideration, telling them I was very excited by the news, still interested, but had some days scheduled out of town. (6-Pack vacation coming in early September.) I said I'd be happy to meet with them before or after those dates, if I'm selected to interview. I hope they'll appreciate that I'm organized/planning ahead and keeping them informed.

Today was nuts at work. Down 2 people, could never catch up with stuff left over from last week, or that came in today. That can be demoralizing--which point I want to make in an exit interview, along with many others!

Got my new lease signed after work. That's one worry laid to rest. Also checked on reviews for the pet sitting business I finally managed to get my online profile set up for. They were overwhelmingly positive, which relieves me greatly. Trying to get a meeting set up now.

Need to do my back stretches, and legs too, as they are feeling tight. I'm taking the night off from any applications, but will probably begin again tomorrow, this time for King County. I just really want to start making a decent salary--which is impossible where I am.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (166,601)
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Posts: 11,914
8/15/16 1:14 A

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Pulled out the portable A/C unit & plugged in. It was 30 C in the bedroom, which converts to 86 F. No wonder I was sweating while I sat and meditated!

Met sister Mary for lunch, catching up and planning vacation. emoticon

Then groceries, a short nap, back exercises, and submitted the college application. Also emailed the DFW folks letting them know I'm happy I'm being considered, and advising them when I'll be on vacation and unavailable.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (166,601)
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Posts: 11,914
8/13/16 9:58 P

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I was helping a coworker edit data in an application she is still learning on Friday morning, leaning over her desk as she sat, looking at her screen, showing her what to do. When I straightened up, I was amazed to feel a lot of pain in my lower back. I took some naproxen and took a slow walk at break, stuck it out a few hours, but had to call it quits at lunchtime. I couldn't even find my heating pad, but used an ice pack intermittently. Found some nice stretching and strengthening routines when I Googled back pain exercises:
breakingmuscle.com/yoga/heal-your-lo
we
r-back-pain-with-these-5-yoga-poses?R>page=0,0

www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle
/a
dult-health/multimedia/back-pain/slsR>-20076265?s=1


I've tried those today. Did 2 loads of laundry--took down and back up in separate trips, so as not to carry a heavy load up and down 2 stories. Back still twinges sometimes, but doing better. I've determined I really do need to squeeze in a little ST and stretching, even on evenings I working on applications. My body needs attention, too!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
215
196.25
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158.75
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (166,601)
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Posts: 11,914
8/12/16 12:32 A

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Just a short post. I got a nice compliment from my supervisor about my positive attitude being noticed and much appreciated. emoticon It always feels good to be acknowledged.

I finished drafting and typing my "letter of application" for the state college I'd most like to work at. (They have a reputation as "tree huggers.") Absolutely no idea how it will be received, but I tooted my own horn relating to many specifics in the 6-page job description, while being honest about desired qualifications I don't have--admin assistant experience to a manager or work in a college setting. I'll review and tweak tomorrow, and should have no trouble finishing the application ahead of the 8/15 deadline.

Of course I also have a pet sitter to hire, a new rental lease to work out and sign, and I'd like to get a little ST and sorting done again. But I'm pretty pooped right now, and feel the need to relax--after a bit more Sparking, of course! emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (166,601)
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Posts: 11,914
8/10/16 12:38 A

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Today was pretty horrid at work, and I kept thinking how desperately I want to leave. That's not a good headspace to come from as far as being attractive to someone who's looking to hire--and it's not even how I feel all the time. A bunch of things just crashed on me, and when I'm honest, I just don't feel like I am/we are treated well, and I don't foresee substantive changes coming.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (166,601)
Fitness Minutes: (124,957)
Posts: 11,914
8/8/16 11:53 P

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As I mention on my status, I just submitted the Fish and Wildlife app for a Fiscal Tech 2--it's due on Wed, so I was pleased to finish it 2 days early. My next, with Evergreen College, an Admin Asst, is due 8/15. Then comes a court clerk w/ King County that is continuous--they build a candidate pool for a number of placements--some locations I wouldn't be interested in. There are some other upcoming ones I haven't decided on whether to try for. It's working well to give myself time to work on them over several days--though they do take up a lot of my time. ST and sorting tend to get overlooked when I'm working on apps, as I need down time between drafting, typing, & revising sessions.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
215
196.25
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158.75
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (166,601)
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8/7/16 11:45 P

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Great ideas. I've thought of asking my BIL if he'd be willing to see if he can sell some things online for me--he's retired and can get stuffed mailed during the day. We'd split what comes in. I feel a bit awkward asking, but I'd love to get something for some of my stuff instead of just donating all of it.

I got my hair trimmed, then ran to the dollar store--they're out of the little wire shelfs I had hoped to pick up to store my ice cube trays since the new fridge doesn't have the little ice cube "loft" like the old one. I checked at Target, but just couldn't make myself pay $7 for a little bit of wire! Got other things there, then got groceries. Got home too late to take a nap, so had lunch, then coffee, and typed up my letter of interest, the 2 essay supplemental questions, and my references for this job; I'm going back and including my last Asst Mgr at the bookstore, since I refer to my experience there.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
215
196.25
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158.75
140
SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 1,165
8/7/16 8:59 P

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It sounds like you are making tremendous progress on your job hunt. In the meantime, have you considered some things you can do on the side? You used to teach, so maybe tutoring, or on-line tutoring, would be a way to supplement your income. If you have availability, maybe you could do some babysitting? Maybe selling some stuff on craigslist? That at least would help with the de-cluttering.

I'm just thinking that, until you get something else, this might help supplement your income. I hate to see you giving up massages, as you seem so much less prone to colds and flu since starting them.

I am beginning the search for a new babysitter. As much as I have liked my old one, she is having a lot of marital difficulties and has "left" her home 3 times this summer. After the last time she told me that eventually she will have to get a better job, as she probably won't go back to her husband and the place she is staying is too small. (I offered to let her use my home but she doesn't like cats or clutter, so that isn't really feasible). Fortunately, I have two months to find a sitter rather than finding someone last minute. Still, if I can't find someone soon, I may just become a substitute teacher so that I have afternoon hours available.

I spent today cleaning and cooking for the week. I didn't get it all done, but I'm still pretty impressed with my front rooms. The bedrooms and bathroom will have to wait until my lesson plan and laundry are done. I'll try to push myself to do it after work.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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8/6/16 11:26 P

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Got a bit of a headache--I think I need a new eye exam and prescription for reading glasses. I never got around to buying glasses after the last exam I had, and I think I'm suffering from eye strain.

Otherwise, I'm feeling pretty satisfied. I drafted my cover letter for the next application on my list, and I feel good about it. I've also done my first ST since getting sick, some cleaning and sorting, some relaxing, and took a long nap this afternoon. I also had a good talk with my sister after dinner, enjoyed catching up. I guess I'm feeling balanced & pleased with my progress.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (166,601)
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Posts: 11,914
8/5/16 11:55 P

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Feeling good that I planned out when to work on the next 3 applications (and decided not to go for a lateral transfer for the same money). Also did some pet sitter research and reached out to 2 businesses, asking if they serve my location.

Got some contractor packets reviewed at work, and trained the other late person how to scan business license applications for the agency we process them for. Between us we may be able to catch up on a little of our big backlog in the final half hour after customers are gone--after we close down the computers, change the date stamps, file the visitor logs and all the daily paperwork.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
215
196.25
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158.75
140
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (166,601)
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Posts: 11,914
8/5/16 12:09 A

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I started looking over the next app I'll try for. I got notices for a new King County job, and several state ones. I'll try for the county one, since it's substantially better pay, whereas the state ones go just a little higher than where I am now. I figure if I find ones that sound interesting and a good match for my skills, I might as well try for the better paying ones!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
215
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158.75
140
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (166,601)
Fitness Minutes: (124,957)
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8/4/16 12:44 A

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I was so exhausted and frustrated when I left work today that I was almost in tears. 2 people out, and just impossible to keep up, much less catch up with work. Oh, and one of my coworkers was moved to an earlier lunch this week, so when I was ready to go to lunch a little past 12, I couldn't--because 3 others were at lunch already, and I was the only person in the front office just then, with customers waiting. I won't mind if my lunchtime is changed to a later one, but it would be nice to have it planned, and not forced to wait an hour before there was enough coverage to take my break.

I wasn't sure I could drum up enough energy to finish my job application, but I fixed a snack of fresh veggies and dip, ate that while I read a library book, and was calm enough type up my cover letter, then the supplemental essay question response. I broke once or twice to play a single game of Spider Solitaire, then returned to the application process. I pushed through and got it submitted a bit after 8. Just finished dinner, and will head to bed before long.

This is a program assistant position at a much higher pay range (it starts right around the top of my current range, where I'm stuck) and sounds like it would be quite interesting, where my talents and experience would be very helpful. It's out of my control, but I've opened myself for their consideration, and I'll just see what happens.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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8/3/16 12:46 A

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Just finished a draft for my cover letter. The supplemental questions are thankfully few, and I think my application materials will transfer from my state government version to the county job I'm applying for. I think it's due tomorrow morning, so I have one more night to finish. Luckily I encountered a part this morning who volunteered to work on the cover letter, because she thinks we're great and wants to let people get to know us, and doesn't especially care what they decide to do, but is clear that we deserve the chance for people to take a closer look--if they're smart enough to see how much I can offer! She's got a pretty healthy attitude, so I was happy to let her run with it!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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8/2/16 12:15 A

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I'm so tired. We had 3 people out, and we weren't swamped with customers, but we're just not catching up, and I keep coughing which is annoying and exhausting. I'm taking cough syrup and a new tissue box to work tomorrow. Drinking tea helped. I want to work on my first application, due Thursday--and I just can't make myself do it; I'm too beat.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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158.75
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (166,601)
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8/1/16 12:58 A

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Hang in there, Amy. Just keep taking care of you and the girls the best you can. Getting strong and being happy are the best revenge. It may not happen quickly or easily, but every step in a positive direction is a powerful one.

Just got notification yesterday that rent is going up again by $100 a month. Our little 1.5% raise that went into affect this month only brings home $20 more a pay period (twice a month). I cancelled a computer game membership I wasn't using, but that's less than $10 a month, and the cable bill went down a little, but it will mean more cuts in spending--and resuming the job search, which I had set aside while trying to focus on decluttering. It also means I won't be resuming the massage membership like I had hoped to.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 1,165
7/31/16 3:14 P

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This was a tough week. Court went well, in fact since my X agreed to all of the mediators report he and his lawyer didn't even show up. I wasn't happy that the girls now have to spend Wednesday nights with their father, because I miss them, but figured it would be okay. The judge asked about how the actual divorce is going, but acknowledged that the custody issues have been a lot to deal with.

After the court date, however, he went back to being...well, him. I've been getting a lot of texts that allude to things that I would understand as threats, but that the cops would not. I've called the police in the past, but they are rarely helpful. They just call him and tell him to stop texting. Since he is often drunk when he sends them, they don't usually make a lot of sense.

This wouldn't get to me so much, though, if I weren't suffering so much with my allergies. I've never had them affect me so much! It seems as though every other day my sinus is swollen. It makes me really want a nap.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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7/31/16 12:18 A

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I spent about an hour in a few sessions, sorting and tossing papers. It felt like I didn't make much of a dent until I merged two ~ half-full boxes into one full one, and got to take the empty one away. I tried the journal thing again, of writing what I was feeling before, then a couple times during/just after sorting sessions. Interesting to note what comes up--positive and negative.

I also cooked up veggie stock, found the missing red cabbage and cauliflower heads that were forgotten in the trunk (luckily they weren't spoiled!), did cardio and ST, and made a library run

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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7/29/16 10:00 P

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I made it through the day. Coughed more than I expected--but then I wasn't answering phones at home. I would answer a few calls then take a break, and stayed off the counter until about 3:15, where I mostly stayed until after 5. It was a light customer day until about 3:30, so I got caught up with emails and my Summer Jam captain duties after a week out.

I knew the apartment had been getting warmer, but had been out for extended periods. When I came home, the car said it was 92. I checked the 10-day forecast, and it isn't supposed to hit 80 until a week from Monday, 10 days from now; otherwise mid-to-high-70s. I can only hope!!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (166,601)
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7/29/16 1:10 A

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Let us know how court went. Hope you are doing OK, Amy!

I was sure yesterday that I'd be back at work today. Around noon I was getting ready for a grocery run (I had been eeking out what I had on hand to last until I felt up to running errands), and noticed water on the floor by the refrigerator. I'd been having problems with cold spots, and a few things freezing, as well as water that I couldn't find a source for. I checked under the crisper drawer, and there was a bunch of standing water there. So I mopped that up before heading out. I reported it to the management office before heading out to 4 stores. Normally I would have taken a nap when I got back, but after a quick bite, the maintenance guys showed up and said they could replace my fridge--but I'd need to clear a path for it to come through.

So I started moving furniture and stacks of boxes, pulling items sticking out to far into the hall from the shelves and cube sorters there. Took everything off the door and the top of the fridge, then I realized I needed to remove everything from inside--all those groceries I just bought! Put cold stuff in 2 coolers and 2 insulated bags with cold packs. Got done in time, but got way overheated and tired out. Managed to keep the cat from escaping with the door open for extended periods. I did a good job creating a path, but there was barely clearance in the hall. We had to remove some things that got stacked, or put outside. Barely managed to get the replacement in.

I was worried about how long it would take to get cold. The freezer started chilling quickly, but after 30 minutes, I didn't notice the fridge section getting noticeably cool. So I reported that to the office, and was told they'd be sure to have the guys check. before they left for the day at 5. It was 4:20 or so then. A little before 5 one of the guys returned with 2 thermometers, for the freezer and lower sections, told me the freezer should be at 10 degrees and the fridge part between 30 and 40. The freezer hit target pretty fast, but it took quite a while for the lower part to get under 50. I adjusted the dial a little colder to give it a boost.

Anyway, with all the stress and rush and extra effort expended, plus no nap as originally planned, I was not up to going in today. But my energy is beginning to return. Sneezing and runny nose are done, only occasional coughing, still blowing lots of gunk out of my nose. (I once commented, in my 30s, in the aftermath of a bad cold like this, "I can't believe the human head can contain this much snot!")

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (166,601)
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7/26/16 9:52 P

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Really sorry you are being overworked at school and have to deal with the girls being upset by spending time with him and the possibility of being required to spend more time with him.

Spoke to the consulting nurse at Group Health (after being on hold 20 minutes--guess they must be busy). Discussed symptoms, remedies & when it's safe to return to work. I've been doing a lot of the right things, though she had a couple suggestions new to me for coughing: holding a pillow against my chest might help with pain (haven't tried it yet, as the coughs are occasional only, & a pillow isn't always at hand) & applying heat to the chest. Haven't tried the latter either; I think I have a buckwheat pillow/roll somewhere, if I can find it--I got talked into it by a kiosk sales lady who showed how it could be chilled or heated before applying, but like the slicer/dicer salespeople at the fair, you can never remember all the cool stuff they did after you get home!

She said I could return anytime, depending on my work, just to wash my hands frequently, and try not to touch my face. Actually when I was reading about colds and flu while waiting on hold, it mentioned that as a way to prevent getting sick. And she said cold virus can live for several hours on a surface, which is why you don't want to touch your face unless you've washed your hands. I feel like I need one more day of rest before I try returning--and to get groceries; I've really been making do today with what's on hand. And I want to talk to my boss to see if I can stay away from the counter my first day back, since I never know when I'm going to go into a coughing or sneezing fit, and since the stations and supplies at the counter are used by all of us, and I don't want to risk passing anything to coworkers (or customers). If I can stay at my desk, we'd all be safer. Then I could catch up with work and answer phones.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 1,165
7/25/16 11:08 A

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Is it possible that allergies are bothering you, instead of/in addition to a cold? In my area, people who have had very few allergy issues before are suddenly getting them because of the rains in spring making the pollen count very high.

I've been preparing for the "child inspired" art auction at the preschool where I work. It's being held to raise money for a teacher conference that I most likely will be unable to go to because it is an overnight conference, and with my custody case I am unable to leave the kids overnight. Basically, the kids do a background on the canvas and then teachers paint in the rest of a picture, hopefully based on what the kids want. This being my first year with the school I am doing my part, but I feel like they should have gotten started much earlier on it. Right now, there is a lot of pressure on teachers to get things done, and a lot of bemoaning the fact that we don't have a lot of canvasses finished. Since I spend a lot of free time on lesson planning and shopping for supplies, I'm feeling a bit put upon.

I go back to court tomorrow. I'm dreading it, because I know that the mediator is going to suggest that the girls have dinner 1 night per week in addition to spending every other weekend with him. It takes awhile to get the kids back to normal after they see their dad, and this won't help. They fight a lot more after seeing their father, because he manipulates them so deftly.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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7/24/16 11:47 P

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This is the worst cold I've had in a long time! Nose still runny, some coughing and sneezing, and tired! I managed a little strength training with much resting between sets--first exercise in 4 days. I don't see any way I'll feel up to going to work tomorrow. I haven't done laundry or gotten groceries, and haven't gotten through a day without a nap. I've had to replace 2 tissue boxes around the apartment.

I did read and comment on a couple articles in the Tips Forum. Hope everyone else is feeling healthier than I am!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (166,601)
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7/21/16 11:09 P

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No fitness challenge for me tonight. I made it through the day, but cold symptoms started getting me down in the afternoon. I came home, stretched on the sofa & watched TV. Will have soup soon, then got to bed. Unlikely I'll make it in tomorrow.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (166,601)
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7/21/16 12:53 A

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Got caught up in library searching & reserving of titles, then dinner. Now Sparking late; just finished my exercise challenge--core today.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (166,601)
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7/20/16 12:29 A

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Things got hectic this afternoon, and I missed my afternoon break, so I left early. That worked out, since I was able to get to the credit union, post office and bank--all before they closed at 6. Toss in spending $3 at the dollar store, and a little more at Target, and I got my 10,000 steps, even without that last walking break!

This time I came home and finally managed to log onto the credit union's online banking. You have to get a temp logon from the branch, but it disappears in less than 24 hours, and I didn't make it in time this last weekend. I hadn't expected the post office to still be open, & got to find out how much a postcard stamp is (34 cents). I had the postcard, and a variety of stamps, including a 29- and a 5-cent one, but realized I didn't have the address, so will be writing out a note to my father (old school, doesn't do email) to let him know our brother is safe over in Turkey. (Since he was my abuser, we are cordial, but not close, and I don't call him--don't even have his phone number.)

Keeping up with my Spark exercise challenge and cleaning and sorting spurts (5 minutes with the timer).

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (166,601)
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7/19/16 12:21 A

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One issue with not following the news, is I'm not up on world events, so I didn't know there had been an attempted coup in Turkey where my brother and SIL are living. I got an email with a subject line "We're fine" and realized--uh-oh, something happened over there that would have worried me if I'd known about it. They are stuck on base, which is OK for Paul, who's working (~ 12 hour days, he said), but Shahla is bored silly with nothing to do and nowhere to go.

My friend from work, whose mother passed away was at work for the first time in a week. It was so nice to see her, and I was glad to be able to give her my card and gift (massage gift card). I've missed her, and it was good to just listen as she shared what happened at the hospital (massive heart attack), and how her mom said 3 different times "I want to go home." It was only looking back that she realized her mom was talking about her heavenly home, and not her house. My friend wasn't as ready to let go at first, but came to see it was time to end the resuscitation attempts and let her mom be at peace. {sigh}

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (166,601)
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7/17/16 11:52 P

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So emoticon you missed the party. But I'm pleased that the day held blessings for you, and that you were open to recognizing and receiving them.

It really is true that how we respond to life makes so much difference in what we end up experiencing--as my mantra goes, "I decide what kind of day it will be: I can choose joy or misery."

I realized that I let those stupid phone menus rattle and enrage me, on top of the confusion, rudeness and hassle of the equipment exchange yesterday. It occurred to me this morning that I could make a different choice when I am faced with a poorly designed menu that gives me confusing or inadequate choices: rather than getting angry, I could guess what to choose, explain my issue to whomever finally answers, and give them the specifics of why I didn't know what option to pick.

I had another productive day, in which I watched my energy. A couple times I started to get worried about what "I have to" do, and I rested for a bit, reminding myself this is an outcome I really want, and was able to approach it with eagerness to accomplish the task, rather than resistance (possibly due to fear of not doing it "good enough" or "soon enough" or "right." I think this could be a significant development for me, and want to play with it some more.

I did 2 days' worth of ST challenge exercises, put in some planning time, rearranged the living room a little to open up more exercise space--made possible by clearing a stack of boxes over the last few weeks. I picked up 2 massage gift cards with an online coupon--I'm giving one to my dear friend whose mother passed away last week--then got groceries. I've done some sorting, cleaning, a bit more rearranging to increase space and flow. And I've renewed using an organizing binder, including upcoming areas to work on and what I'll get out of clearing them. I still want to choose which sympathy card to write in and compose my message of condolence, support, and love. Otherwise I'm relaxing before bed.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 1,165
7/17/16 10:02 P

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It sounds like you have been really organized and on top of things with all of your errands!

Yesterday I was supposed to go to a birthday party that my Aunt Peggy and Uncle Rodney Brooks were throwing for my Grandma's 100th birthday. I checked online with several people and google to see how long it would take to get there. We left at 9:30 am, planning to get there between 12:30 and 1. Even if there was traffic, I thought, that would leave us some time at the party.
Hear that? That's the sound of traffic demons laughing at me.
Instead of the 3 to 4 I had been told it would take, it took 5 1/2 hours to get there. We arrived just after the last car left.
My daughters burst into tears when the man at the desk told us, so he ran out to see if he could find anyone remaining, then offered to let us explore and hike the grounds of the hotel where it was held. Instead, I drove to the beach and let the girls play for awhile, and called my uncle, who had a vague idea of where people had gone afterward. We tried to find it after the girls had played for awhile, but Sara's blood sugar dropped, so we went to dinner instead, then went home.
The traffic demons rubbed it in by making sure the return trip only took 2 1/2 hours. Stupid traffic demons.

The one bright spot was that people were truly wonderful to us throughout the day. When we went to the beach there were some volunteers from the natural history museum who told us a bit about the animals that live in the water, and we got to see a real whale tooth (made from the same keratin that our fingernails are made of, they are really interesting. In fact, I wouldn't have guessed it was a tooth.). The wait staff at the restaurant expressed several times that my girls were so polite and well behaved, and gave the girls free refills on their cocoa because the girls rushed over to pick up some dishes when a waiter accidentally dropped them. That made me feel pretty good.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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7/17/16 1:06 A

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I had quite a day. Went to return my old modem--since they were charging me a monthly fee for it, as I discovered, and exchange cable boxes--to be told that I couldn't do it at the kiosk. After my other errands and several frustrated calls to Comcast, it turns out there's a store across the street from the mall, that their "third party" fellow didn't know about. He had told me I'd have to drive to Federal Way--13 miles away by freeway, and wouldn't look up an address. I complained about his rudeness and lack of customer service to many Comcast employees throughout the day.

Had a lovely fellow at Battery & Bulbs Plus use his tools to open the battery compartment on my digital scale, then sell me the replacement battery--for under $5! Now *that* was service! Also made a thrift store donation, got gas and a few groceries at Costco.

After lunch, called Comcast to complain & got a lovely lady in MN who looked up the directions and clued me into the fact that the store was in a separate but very nearby location to the mall. So I took care of the equipment switch, then this evening got the new box installed, but couldn't get the remote programmed, so had to call Comcast again, and got a very helpful young man to get me programmed and set up. Everyone apologized for the unhelpful idiot at the kiosk, and in fact took very good care of me.

I finished sorting and emptying another box, and am trying to decide what to tackle next, since I actually got through my first stack! emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
215
196.25
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7/15/16 12:30 A

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I took a sick day today. I waffled back and forth about whether to call in. I wasn't truly sick, but my head was stuffy and I couldn't get my ears to pop. Once I finally decided to rest at home, I noticed other little symptoms that might have strengthened had I pushed myself. When I nap on the weekends, I usually sleep for 60-90 minutes, but I conked out between 2 and 2.5 hours this afternoon! I'm confident I'll be much more productive at work tomorrow.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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7/14/16 1:11 A

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Spent planning and organizing time today, making calls, and sorting, planning future tasks. It helps me feel very capable--which is nice. It will be interesting if the numbers change at all after I get the scale battery changed--it requires a tiny Phillips screwdriver to open the battery compartment--which I don't have! But the battery store does, so I'll buy them there, and they'll help me replace them. emoticon

Yesterday, my supervisor told me she was giving me the first hour of my shift to do organizing for the unit and in my cubicle (on a ongoing basis)--which will be so welcome! I started dealing with the piles of used toner cartridges and waste toner collectors and other such items to return to be recycled. It's one of those things that I'm the only one who's ever done it, so it's just left for me to deal with. Then I'll get to all the files and projects and how to instructions that I never get around to putting away.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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7/13/16 12:20 A

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I completely understand. It's hard to impose order from chaos--and knowing where to focus effort can be totally overwhelming. Wishing everybody well (on your side, anyway) tomorrow--I'll be praying for you all. How's your friend?

I stayed up a bit late rereading the second Other novel by Anne Bishop, Murder of Crows. These books probably tie with Butcher's Dresden Files series as my second favorite urban fantasy series, after Patricia Briggs' Mercy Thompson and Alpha & Omega novels and short stories. So I'm quite tired right now, may not Spark long, though will try to hit 100 points at least.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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7/12/16 12:29 A

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I am doing a bit better in my eating...there is still some white flour, but I was able to abstain from sugar today, and I consider that a win. I am going back to mediation tomorrow, so the fact that I did not spend today stress eating is a big accomplishment for me (I spent a lot of yesterday stress eating, so it was nice to break away from it).

I am still worried about the mediator, but I am hoping that we will be able to get some things settled.

In the meantime, I got my daughters room significantly cleaner. I think she had been overwhelmed by the mess, and had no idea where to start. I It's actually been a relief for the whole family, as she does so much better in every area when she isn't overwhelmed by clutter.


What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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7/12/16 12:22 A

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Work is mildly poopy, but progress on the home front is encouraging.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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7/11/16 1:05 A

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There's discouragement and determination. The former comes from not only being up in weight--hanging out in the low 150s, when I briefly got down to 140 a few years back, but as I discovered today, also having added inches back on. I'm more consistent with exercise, especially ST. And I'm abstaining from chips and popcorn--bt haven't noticed any changes in the numbers yet.

But on the clutter front, I'm sorting more consistently and enjoying it. I've found a part who sees this as an adventure, and is very proud to have emptied 2 boxes of mostly old mail and papers. I even found a gift card! So I'm giving myself credit for the progress there.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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7/10/16 12:19 A

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2 successes today concerning the Fitbit I won in our Spring Fling Wellness challenge:

I *finally* got it out of the box (after procrastinating for ~ 3 weeks), downloaded the installation wizard, figured out how to charge it and actually get it to fit on my wrist (which took a lot of effort). Once I got there, I could not figure out how to track or set goals, or how often or for how long I need to charge it, or navigate the site--though I tried a number of links.

When my frustration hit overwhelm, I backed off and set it aside. That, too, was a success for me, deciding to put my efforts where I felt confident and capable, instead of confused.

I put in three 15-minute (mostly paper) sorting sessions. I had hoped to get down to a single box in my current stack, but I've consolidated some groups of items I had been ignoring, and am doing my best not to put off making decisions--if only where to file things for now. I did empty one box, and am already thinking about where I'll focus next, when I finish with these last 2 boxes.

Edited by: BLESSEDBEING at: 7/10/2016 (00:21)
Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
215
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (166,601)
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7/8/16 12:18 A

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So glad to hear your friend is doing better! And that you are also!

I've been struggling with frustration at work. Hope to write more about it soon, but want to relax a bit then go to bed early. I'm proud that I've been putting in organizing and planning time, as well as these new short ST workouts plus a short cardio one for the last few days.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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7/7/16 11:23 A

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Thank you. I am feeling a little better, getting a good nights sleep. My girls complained that I snored, but at least I am feeling a bit more normal. I'm still concerned about the weight gain, but I've started logging my foods again, and I'm mostly successful at that, so I am trying to take a few positive steps.

My friend is doing better, and is breathing on her own some of the time, though they are keeping her on the respirator for now. She's not out of the woods yet, but doing much better.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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7/7/16 1:22 A

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I will continue sending positive energy to you both. I wish I could help you ease some of the stress in your life, but can only encourage you to keep taking positive steps--no matter how tiny, and to keep loving yourself and your girls, and finding joy wherever you can. Take good care, my friend.
emoticon emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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7/6/16 10:32 A

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I am feeling a bit shaky today. It's Eid al Fitr, and my kids are going with their father to a celebration. This wouldn't be a big deal, except that I have always been the one to take them, so I feel like I am really missing out. But I couldn't get any more time off work, since I need to take 2 days off this month for court. I am hoping to get a day off next month so I can make good on my promise and get the kids to Disneyland.

My weight keeps going up, despite everything, and it's going up so quickly that I am really frustrated. I had a few hot flashes, too, so that may have something to do with it. I am going to try to get an early morning appointment with my doctor so that I don't have to miss work. I know I have to take responsibility for what goes in my mouth, but after 2 years at one weight, I find this sudden gain a little alarming.

I am still worrying about what to do about my job. I need to make more money, no question, but I love the kids and I would miss that if I were subbing. Also, if I am realistic, I will need to move back to Las Vegas to take care of my mother in the next 2 years, as she is very resistant to coming here.

My friend, my high priestess, has had no change in her health, and I am frightened for her. Thank you so much for sending energies towards her.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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7/6/16 12:17 A

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Small crew at work, got swamped in the afternoon, so no progress made on catching up. Did fix a couple items that came to me after others made mistakes, so they got dealt with.

Did some planning after work, including planning out dinners and lunches for the week--a first for me. Also joined a new workout challenge. The old one, for 28 days that I ran through a few times, gave 10 points every day you completed the workout (or one I substituted). The new one gave 20 points for the first day's challenge! Day 2 earns 15 points, and that's as far as I looked ahead.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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7/5/16 12:18 A

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I spent several hundred dollars on a brake job and brake fluid flush recently, so am trying to go easy on grocery spending right now. One means is to use up foods that have been sitting around--like a package of TJ's multi-colored dried pasta (corkscrews) and some eggs I've had for a while. Boiled them up separately yesterday, and had dinner last night and lunch today by mixing lots of fun veggies in, plus a little protein for a filling pasta salad.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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7/3/16 9:58 P

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Amy, I'm sending you both loving and healing energy--in every form I can. emoticon emoticon emoticon I hope you get a chance to express your thanks and feelings, and that she will choose life, and remember there are many sources of love available to us.

Sending good thoughts for the upcoming mediation meeting as well.

Sorry you're struggling with food. I'm realizing I need to start practicing abstaining from chips and popcorn. I've let the salty-fatty snacking become a regular occurrence, and I can't get my weight back down where it was when I actually reached the healthy weight range. I especially want to get back under 150.

Had fun hanging with my sister for lunch at Ivar's, talking books and work, and going for a walk.

Got a few groceries on the way home, and doing a whole lot of reading. Hoping for a more productive day tomorrow!

Edited by: BLESSEDBEING at: 7/4/2016 (01:24)
Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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7/3/16 9:25 P

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So, I forgot to mention in my post yesterday that I went ice skating yesterday, and discovered that the thing I'd always been a little afraid of is really kind of fun! My muscles are hurting a bit today, but not too bad. I'm feeling rather proud of myself for trying something new.

Today I should be cleaning, but I'm feeling pretty lethargic.

Last night I learned that my dear friend, my spiritual mother and high priestess, is in respitory failure. I'm asking that you send energies for her healing. Her husband died recently, and she has been depressed since, not really taking care of herself. I had meant to go see her earlier this year, but after issues with my custody it became difficult. Now I'm scared that I won't get to give her a hug and tell her what she means to me. She kept me sane when I could easily have been insane. I owe her so much, and she means the world to me.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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7/2/16 11:51 P

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My weight is also up 2 lbs, and I'm so mad about it! But, I gotta own the overeating. I'm starting to wonder why I keep grazing all the live long day, because my body should not be hungry. Yet I keep going. Frustrating, but also scary. I did have a few days of water gain, which I blame on salty foods.

I think I need to eliminate anything with flavor or texture.

I went for years at a plateau, frustrated that the needle on the scale wouldn't move. Then it started moving the wrong way. I should have been more careful about what I wished for.

I take the kids to see the mediator on the 12th, and their father will be there. Nerve wracking, but I think I am in a good position to say that the kids are in no way ready to spend the night at his house. I am truly so tired of this.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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7/1/16 11:28 P

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Glad a coworker brought in fruit as a treat, since sweets are more common. Since I was the last to leave tonight, I got to take home the pineapple and watermelon cubes that were left--the cantaloupe got finished. emoticon emoticon

Today was the annual apartment complex BBQ; they have a few events with free food each year. I don't always bother to go by. I'm not a hot dog fan, and I don't eat beef. But there was a little bit of fried chicken that I ate, plus some raw veggies & a snack bag of chips. After my car repair bill, I'm trying to go light on spending, so was glad I could have a free meal that was far off program.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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6/30/16 11:45 P

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I agree with needing to connect personally with the Tarot cards. I rarely read for others, but want them to shuffle the cards while thinking on their question or issue, just as I do, while praying for guidance and wisdom.

I rarely drink the recommended amount, though it's easier for me to drink more in hot weather. My body craves it more then. When it's cold, I rarely get thirsty, so have to remind myself to drink.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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6/30/16 11:21 A

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Wow, it sounds like things have been really productive!

I've been dealing with a few aches and pains, mostly (I think) due to a new group of babies in the day care. Most are crawling, so they need to be picked up, and they are heavy! We have 10 boys and 2 girls, and boys present a unique challenge in that they tend to need more physical activity...which means more ouchies, and more need for cuddles.

My weight is up, but I am dealing with it. I've made a conscious effort to drink more water, because I think that not drinking enough is part of the weight gain. It has been so hot here (in the triple digits) and I've been craving salty things, so I finally started paying attention to what I needed.

I've been thinking I should get a tarot reading. I've never been able to read well for myself, but I do like to get a reading once in awhile. I like to do it locally because I like to be in the room with the cards. Somehow, doing it over the internet has always been too vague.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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6/29/16 12:48 P

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Feeling proud of what I report in the Success thread in the Challenges forum. (I never know if folks will notice new messages beyond the general team discussions, so I like to let you know when I've posted elsewhere on the team.

*******************
I've been hear at the dealers about 3 hours now, and will start packing up soon, back into my wheeled case. I've done some Sparking, worked on my parts journal project (what I call my PJs), my tarot transcription--which often takes me days or even weeks after the actual reading, reading for pleasure, adding to my planning journal, snacking, and just now transferring notes on movies I jot when I walk by the rack of new rentals as I leave Safeway. Of the 6 I had written from the last 2 grocery visits, 5 were are my library: the shortest wait is 497 on 45 Years, the longest 1534 on Joy; I've moved up to spot on the last Star Wars movie...though come to think of it, I'm not sure I ever saw episode III! I should check that out, too.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Edited by: BLESSEDBEING at: 6/29/2016 (15:17)
Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
215
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158.75
140
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (166,601)
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Posts: 11,914
6/28/16 11:24 P

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I spent some time planning & prepping for tomorrow's car appt--brake job that will take 2.5 to 3 hours. I'm sure I have enough to keep me occupied for that long without getting too bored or squirrely. I didn't want to just take one or 2 things to do the whole time, and hope to do some catch up in a number of areas.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
215
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (166,601)
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6/28/16 12:07 A

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Trying not to wilt in the heat emoticon --although I know many of you are facing much hotter temps than the mid-to-upper 80s.

Feeling proud that I took a few minutes to sit down with my planning journal and list out a number of projects and steps I want to work on in different areas. I've crossed a few off already, and it feels really good to keep that commitment to myself to work on building more structure.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
215
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6/26/16 8:57 P

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I got my hair trimmed emoticon then made a grocery run emoticon and had a nap on the couch emoticon Want to spend a little time on various projects, and put in a bit of planning time as well. emoticon emoticon emoticon (my planning images)

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
215
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158.75
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (166,601)
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6/25/16 11:25 P

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Yesterday evening I tried a 30-minute "knee-friendly" barre workout by Jessica Smith, that ended up hurting my shoulders and wrists. I was miserable when it was done, and didn't do extra stretching--she barely does any, if at all. Not sure if that's why I ended up with severe leg cramps in the middle of the night or not, which always freaks me out. I managed to get on my feet and into the bathroom for some naproxen (generic Aleve), and a bunch of water (not enough can contribute to cramps). Today I did a nice long stretching routine with Kathy Smith, a mature fitness instructor in som Spark TV videos www.sparkpeople.tv/video.asp?id=393 and later I did 3 rounds of Coach Nicole's 5 Full-Body Exercises That Save You Time www.sparkpeople.com/blog/blog.asp?po
st
=5_fullbody_exercises_that_save_you_R>time
which I liked, and will do again.

I've also been sorting old papers and working on clearing the dining table, plus I made an appt to get my recommended rear brake job. Considered doing laundry after running a couple errands late morning, but was just too tired then and ended up taking a nap. Going to make it an easy night tonight, possibly do some more stretching before bed.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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6/24/16 12:20 A

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I love journaling, and have developed the practice to include discrete sections with a different focus--I look at not so good choices, celebrate successes and gifts, invite qualities, and explore body sensations, emotions and energies to see what's up to be shared, addressed or embraced. Both nurturing and empowering.

The link for those "silly race signs" is www.sparkpeople.com/blog/blog.asp?po
st
=tbd
I totally enjoyed them! emoticon

I did 2 separate arm workouts off Spark TV tonight--9 min and 7 min, for a total of 16. Used pretty light weights,cuz I can sometimes strain shoulders or elbows; in fact I'm subbing wall push-ups the last couple days, due to some real elbow pain recently while doing push-ups.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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6/23/16 11:15 A

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I'm glad the journaling is working. Funny, one of my support groups has been dealing with that subject lately, specifically, how abusers have used our journals against us, and how we take back our power by journaling again.



What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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6/21/16 11:59 P

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It was really busy at work today, but my morning journaling paid off: my conflict with a coworker lost a lot of energy, and my mood stayed pretty good, though I'm awfully tired and thinking about bed already!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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6/21/16 12:27 A

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I did a Tarot reading after dinner. I just got hit with a wave of tiredness, so think I will head to bed a bit earlier than usual tonight. emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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6/19/16 11:26 P

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Thank you for reminding me about the Solstice! I would have kicked myself for not observing it.

I am getting a little concerned that I've been eating pretty compulsively. I started looking into the food plan I did back when I was a member of Overeaters Anonymous...but that was 20+ years ago. As I recall it worked to curb cravings and lose weight, but it is really restrictive. Still, I think it may be what I need for a few weeks, at least, to stop the compulsion.

The heat here has been really oppressive. I worry a little about all the homeless people in the neighborhood.


What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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6/18/16 8:54 P

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I'm feeling very balanced and productive today!

I just did a couple workouts, adding a link in the Tips forum, Spark resources thread, for a low-impact HIIT workout I actually liked (the only one I haven't hated), that led to another gentle cardio for beginners/bad knees.

I've been using my timer to do little 5-minute cleaning bursts in various rooms, and 15-minute sorting (mostly paper and mail and filing) sessions--I've done 4 of those so far. I've been taking reading or TV or computer breaks and laid down for a short nap/rest.

I'm feeling really good about it all!

It's weird, 2 or 3 days ago the forecast was for warming temps, with Monday (the Midsummer Solstice) hitting 83 and Tuesday getting up to 88--oh and no rain in the next 10 days. Then it got windy and cooler, with rain Friday--heavy at night, and when I checked the next 10 days today, no 80s predicted at all, highest temp of 78 forecast for the Solstice, as well as the following Monday. I love it when it stays in the 60s and 70s!

Edited by: BLESSEDBEING at: 6/19/2016 (00:11)
Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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6/18/16 12:50 A

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I wiped myself out with a couple short ST workouts. I also did 15 minutes with the timer on sorting and my PJs (parts journal project). So I feel productive and satisfied. Planning to do some more reading. Nearly done with re-reading the first book in a new Nora Roberts magical trilogy; second book just got delivered today.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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6/14/16 12:14 A

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Had a good 1-on-1 meeting with supervisor today, and a regional wellness committee meeting where we had pear, honeydew, spinach & yogurt smoothies--pretty tasty! At home I worked on my PJs, my Parts Journal Project, some little chores, and did 2 workouts, cardio and core.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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6/12/16 11:31 P

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Subbing can be really hard, but I'd love for you to be making more money. Do think about it, and hopefully talk to other substitutes in your area, and find what supports and resources there may be.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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6/12/16 5:57 P

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I am managing to get my laundry cleaned, if not put away. Having the girls gone all day is lending itself to getting a lot of cleaning done, even though I keep stopping to watch cooking and house decorating shows. I have to get the bunny cage out of the house, though, and I'm not sure if that is something I should do while the girls are gone, or if we should do it together. They are still pretty sad about the bunny's death.

I managed to resolve some of my babysitter issues, so that is a huge relief. But the whole emotional content of last week has left me exhausted. I ran into a friend when I took the girls to the Mosque last week, who talked to me about becoming a substitute teacher. I am seriously pondering it. It's a lot more money than I am currently making, and I would be home a lot earlier in the day. On the other hand, there is no long term relationship with the students, no watching them improve, no "teacher wins". I suspect I'll have a lot to think about over the next few weeks.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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6/11/16 9:58 P

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2 baskets of laundry which got divided into 3 loads. Using timer to declutter and straighten. Feeling strong! emoticon

Felt a little under the weather after 8 hours sleep (7 is my norm), so have gotten plenty of down time in between 3 loads of laundry, a half hour of paper sorting, and little chores. Also ordered my first full order (4# to get free shipping) of flavored coffee from my new supplier, and the 2nd book in Nora Roberts' current magical trilogy which comes out on Tuesday. So I'll have fun things coming in the mail to look forward to. Also got in 2 short Spark workouts for 20 minutes of ST. Feeling good!

Edited by: BLESSEDBEING at: 6/12/2016 (00:31)
Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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6/10/16 11:17 P

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Feeding the poor sounds like a lovely way to honor a spiritual path or holy time.

Cool about your oldest thinking about Berkeley as a possibility. Also glad court went better than expected and the other lawyer was being reasonable. Sounds like you're having a lot of positives!

Work has been extra nutty due to huge changes made by another agency that affects our work. We've been plagued by the consequences of poor planning, communication, training and implementation. Thank the Goddess our customer traffic has been lighter than normal, giving how much time we've had to devote to emails and (inadequate) online training!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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6/10/16 10:58 A

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I think I need to find a way to break up a cleaning schedule so that it gets done. Maybe I'll challenge my girls: if they get their rooms cleaned and organized first, they can choose a Saturday adventure. If not, I get to choose an activity (which would probably be more cleaning emoticon ).

Court was weird. It was almost like the court didn't know we were coming, so the lawyers scrambled to negotiate visitation times. My ex now has every other weekend, Friday to Sunday, with no overnights (we are supposed to be working towards overnights). It worked out better than I expected, but we will have to go to mediation next month, where the girls will be interviewed by the mediator (whom we thought would be there Tuesday, but ...). I think my ex's lawyer is becoming less enamored of him. She was behaving pretty reasonably.

My own lawyer doesn't drive, so after court I gave her a ride to Oakland (she applied the cost of the trip to my debt) and the girls and I toured the Berkely Campus. I loved it, but the girls were bored and wanted ice cream. Still, my oldest allowed how it might be a nice place to go to college, and she could consider working towards a scholarship. So my fiendish plot worked!

We have been partially fasting for Ramadan (we can't last the whole day, me for medical reasons and the girls are too young). I think we are going to feed the poor instead...fasting is just to much, and too long, in summer.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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6/9/16 12:01 A

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It's much cooler today. When I left work yesterday, the car said it was 90 out, though that dropped to 87 over the next few minutes, and when I hit the parking lot on our little hill, less than a mile from work, it dropped to 86. Today when I left work the temp said 67! Had wind when I walked at lunch, and the barest of misting on my afternoon walk. Hooray!

I've been doing more breaking up TV, Sparking, Spider and chores, sorting & my parts project. It's helping me feel productive and balanced.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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6/7/16 11:08 P

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I was in my 20s and skinny when I lived in Texas where it often got over 100. But I don't much enjoy extreme heat these days.
emoticon
So emoticon about the emoticon How long did you have him/her? I don't know what the life expectancy of a bunny is, I realize.
emoticon
I wrote a letter in a belated birthday card for a dear friend. It felt good to make the connection. I've been breaking up ST sets with some Sparking and Spider Solitaire deals. Nice balance.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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6/7/16 12:34 A

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My daughter is doing much better now, but had to go to the doctor today and get 3 immunizations. She is phobic about needles, so that was a pretty awful experience, with me trying to keep her calm, and her sister lying on her legs so she couldn't kick the nurse.

Sadly, our pet bunny died this morning as well. So it wasn't a great day for the girls.

Today was also the first day of Ramadan, so we had all gotten up at 3:30 to eat breakfast before fasting began. This year I am doing it with the girls in hopes of guiding them, since they have never really taken it seriously, and it's an important part of their religion. I probably won't be able to do it all day every day...I only made it to 4:00 p.m. today...but I am at least reinforcing that they need to pray. It helps, too, that they are going to a religious camp for part of the day, so at least they have other kids around doing it with them.

But let me just say this: Fasting sucks. Getting up an hour before dawn is worse. I am not sure I can keep this up. But at least I am making the effort.

I can't help smiling when you say it got up to 90 degrees. Here, that would be a cool day!

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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6/6/16 11:43 P

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Good to hear from you, Amy! Glad you enjoyed your book. I wrote a longish message in the What are you reading or watching? thread. Hope your daughter's doing better. When does their school year finish? What will they and you be doing?

I'm doing OK in the heat. It got up to at least 90 here yesterday, and according to my car temp gauge, it hit 90 today--though with a breeze it didn't feel that hot. Tomorrow's supposed to be in the 80s, Wed in the 70s and Thursday on in the mid to high 60s. Can't wait!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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6/6/16 2:18 A

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Oh, I'm sorry you haven't been well. My daughter caught some bug, and had a fever for a day, but has been really, really lethargic for 5 days since. Today was the first day that she hasn't taken a long nap. She had no appetite either, so I had to push her to eat. I really hope you don't have the same thing.

I finally finished my book, it was really good. It makes me want to know a little more about Audubon around that time. In the meantime, I've got to finish my lesson plans before I find something new to read. I really dislike the themes for the next few weeks, so it's hard to get excited about planning. I've even gone walking rather than sit and plan!

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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6/5/16 12:09 A

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Finally getting some energy back. I actually ran a couple quick errands today, getting out of the house for the first time since lunchtime on Thursday!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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6/4/16 12:08 A

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I'm not really symptomatic--just so exhausted I didn't want to stand long, much less move around. It started yesterday during my walk at the start of my lunch break. My steps got slower and slower, like my energy just evaporated. Several times today I thought "I don't feel that bad, maybe I can go in to work after all." Then I would stand up, and realize "No way." So I've been resting, reading, sweating. Hoping things even out soon and my energy returns.
emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
215
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6/2/16 10:44 P

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I'll be going to bed early. Even after a nap this afternoon (I came home sick), I'm getting tired and sleepy again--though I slept plenty last night. NOt sure what this is!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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6/2/16 12:05 A

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No late customers today, so after putting things away & completing closing routines, I got to spend some time cleaning my desk. Lots more to sort and organize, but it felt good to make a tiny dent.

They put out leftovers from the luau yesterday. I ate the TJ's salad and fruit I brought, but had some of the tangy macaroni salad I had so enjoyed. There was leftover chicken from the union meeting, so I brought home 2 drumsticks--one fried, one roasted--which I just had for dinner with a medium salad.
emoticon emoticon
I finished my Five Hundred Kingdoms fairy tales by Mercedes Lackey, started a new series by an author I've enjoyed, but didn't like this one. So I started the new Nora Roberts I picked up at the library, The Liar. I'm enjoying it so far.

Yesterday got up to the low 80s, but today hit mid-70s, with growing humidity, and it's raining lightly right now.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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5/31/16 11:56 P

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We had our regional Employee Appreciation event at work--a luau theme, w/ Hawaiian food, a little dancing--how I love that!, plus a photo booth and a chance to chat with people from other offices. They pulled off a nice party. And since the Tukwila Community Center, where it was held, is in walking distance, I got a couple of nice walks, and have over 13,000 steps for the day!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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5/30/16 11:42 P

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Came across an old but helpful article, Concentrate On Your Core
www.sparkpeople.com/resource/fitness
_a
rticles.asp?id=428


Added this comment to it (I'm doing more comments on exercise articles/videos):
It is simple and helpful. I had never heard of the leg press; changed hand position so not right on knee joint, repeated & extended count. On the crunch, concentrated on keeping neck as relaxed as possible and not raising much, but really tightening abs. Then flipped over and did some of Coach Nicole's back raises to balance. Surprisingly effective!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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5/30/16 1:55 A

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Sorry things are tough at present. I'm trying to get better at taking care of things in a timely way.

The novel sounds interesting. I know nothing about that time or those events. I'm reading the 500 Kingdoms series by Mercedes Lackey--her take on fairy tales. I'm up to the Sleeping Beauty take off. Next one features a werewolf in the title.

Had a grand time with my sister staying over. I helped her find 3 great tops, all on sale today, and I got a cute on more than half off, too! Dinner w/ a free entree at Q-doba last night, and lunch at Panda Express today. Both inexpensive, and good fresh food with healthy veggies. I showed her how to find workouts on Spark TV, which she is going to try out now. I love that we share Spark, as well as a love of games.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
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5/30/16 12:39 A

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This week has been tough emotionally, and I've been eating like a nutcase. I go back to court next week, and I'm worried. My ex has been texting veiled threats, and it sends me, emotionally, right back to where I was 2 years ago. Jerk.

Good for you getting your tags taken care of. That seems to be something I have a mental block on, and I don't understand why. Getting simple things like that taken care of before there are fines is a huge problem for me.

I've been reading Kris Radish's A Year of Necessary Lies. It is incredible, an historical novel taking place around Boston 1904, about the pluming industry and the brave people who risked so much to end the senseless killing of birds. I highly recommend it!

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (166,601)
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5/26/16 12:18 A

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I renewed my tabs online--that's a relief to have off my list. I was a couple days late, but still in the expiration month, and no penalty, so emoticon

I did 3 short workouts from Spark TV and saved them to my workouts there. I've decided to be really careful about new workouts, and pledge to stop as soon as one feels uncomfortable in the future.

I've been playing with new affirmations and mantras around strengthening my abilities to plan and schedule things: I easily plan what I need to do; I'm on time with bills & when I need to renew. I artfully schedule what needs to be done; I take care of business and make time for fun.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (166,601)
Fitness Minutes: (124,957)
Posts: 11,914
5/25/16 1:05 A

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Oh, man I hated that 30-minute barre workout ("easy on the knees") from Jessica Smith as the featured blog today. I gave up 18 minutes in, did a Coach Nicole one instead that didn't hurt shoulders, knees or anything else, even while it challenged me. Some of Smith's are OK, but this was NOT--for me. Exhausted now, didn't feel up to much of anything after that, which is really too bad.

I worked on affirmations today while taking my walking breaks around planning and scheduling, as I want to get better at those things. Need to go much easier on exercise tomorrow, and leave it until after finishing a few other tasks around the apartment.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (166,601)
Fitness Minutes: (124,957)
Posts: 11,914
5/23/16 11:57 P

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Do you break for the summer? Is that why the extra time? Enjoy those naps! emoticon

I wrote a long blog Saturday, and feel good for having explained the issues, as I see them (especially for abuse survivors), in depth.

I switched back to the later shift--8:30 to 5:30. One of the two late people has a second part time job which had been 6-10 or 11, but then that shift got moved up to 5:30. So he moved to a shift starting at 10 and going until 3:30, so he was surviving on very little sleep. He may be young, but it was taking a real toll, so I told him I switch with him. Today was my first day back at the later start and end.

Just got done with 2 workouts, a 7-minute Booty Blaster and emoticon a 12-minute seated core routine, both by Coach Nicole. Intense, but satisfying! I'm making sure I add them to my workouts on Spark TV.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 151.2 
 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
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