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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 662
3/30/15 12:47 A

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OMG Amanda, that is awesome! I'm so glad you did that for yourself! Who knows, maybe it will help you in other areas of your life, like your job search. A good nights sleep can make such a difference.

I really want to commit to getting rid of my bed (it's difficult with 2 kids who like to crawl into bed with me at all hours), and eventually get a new one. I'm tempted to sleep on an air mattress, or the floor, but I suspect it will be a long time before I can afford a new mattress that is any good. Still, it might help to clear some of the energy here.


I want to apologize. I actually responded to your post about Trader Joe's, because it reminded me that I needed to go there to prepare for Sara's birthday party. Apparently I was in such a hurry to go that I forgot to hit post. Oops.

Sara turns 7 on Tuesday, so we had a party Saturday at the park (trying to do it before people left on Spring Break). We had fun, but my food intake for the weekend was not smart choices. On the other hand, I refuse to believe that even thin people limit thier guacamole intake to 2 tablespoons. That is just not realistic. (I say this because I watched a thin person eat guacamole at the party!) Half a cup is realistic, but really really not do-able very often.

Edited by: SALAM4545 at: 3/30/2015 (00:48)
What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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3/29/15 11:26 P

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I did it! I bought the bed & mattress, paid for same day delivery, and dropped by Target on the way home to buy a set of queen sheets. Turns out they sell fitted and flat separately (I think my old full flats will work), so I was going to get just one fitted queen for now, but found jersey (really soft, T-shirt like material) sets on sale, so got one in a nice neutral that will go will other linens I have.

Broke down my old bed--got the mattress and box spring off, and dismantled the metal frame, took it out in 2 pieces to the dumpster. The 2 big pieces were too heavy for me to handle alone, so I propped them up against the wall in the bedroom with the hope that for $20, they might carry them out to the dumpster area. Then I vacuumed like mad, picking up the items (mostly cat toys and balls, but a couple earrings, a pen, plus paper scraps) that had made their way under the bed and stayed.

Had to wait for their call to give my a delivery and installation window. Turns out I was their first stop from the warehouse (they leave there at 5, from a nearby town). That gave me time to henna my hair and shower, then clear some paths for them to move the pieces along. They got in just before 5:30, managed to get everything in along those clutter-free paths, and assembled the pieces. And they did agree to haul the old mattress and box spring to the dumpster, even though that wasn't "included." Turns out the new bed's quite a bit longer than my old one, making it a somewhat tight fit. The guys checked on their first placement, and I requested it be pulled over somewhat for easier access on the back side when making the bed. They took care of it, I looked everything over, signed off their papers, gave them their cash tip, and they were gone in less than an hour. I got the bed made, then finished making dinner, and have just been relaxing since.

I didn't get around to regular chores, so will need to deal with things throughout the week. Can't wait for my first night in the new bed!
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Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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3/29/15 12:28 A

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Well, I checked a bunch more places today, then went back to the 2 stores I visited last evening. I really liked the salesman at the first store, but I would have to wait weeks. At the second store, I could get a similar bed for a couple hundred less, not quite as pleasing a design as the one I'd have to wait 4 weeks for, and a really good mattress with heat dispersing gel along with the pillow top and good coil construction and firm sides at a very good price. And as of today it was in stock and he offered delivery this afternoon. I had to think on it before committing to spending $1000 on frame, mattress and delivery & installation, but plan to go in tomorrow morning and make arrangements. I'll have time to dismantle the old bed and vacuum like mad before they bring the new one.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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3/28/15 12:25 A

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I did something very different after work tonight--I went looking at beds. The themes in Clutter Busting about finding energy drains in your home got me thinking. No, I don't keep old letters or mementos from old relationships--but out of cheapness, I've been using my mom's old bed--which may carry a lot of loneliness and sorrow, as well as possibly having been the site of one or more instances of my abuse if she was still using what had belonged to her and my father. It's something I had never considered. The energy doesn't feel dark to me, but I have to wonder how it will feel when it's gone, and I have something new and much nicer instead. I'll be spending quite a lot--on the frame (I'm thinking pedestal with 2 built-in drawers at the foot for bed linens--no clutter!) & mattress, delivery and possibly hauling out the old one. But I'm excited, and I want it to be in stock, so I don't have to wait weeks!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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3/27/15 12:06 A

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Well, I remembered to take my purse with me after work, and I returned to Trader Joe's and got a few groceries, including a quarter ham. I can chop it up and add to salads or soups--yum! emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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3/26/15 12:10 A

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Boy, do I feel silly! I took my shopping list to work, had the grocery bags in the car, drove in the rain to the next town with my Trader Joe's, but before I exited the car, I realized I didn't have my purse! It was still locked up in my overhead cabinet at work.
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So I drove *very carefully* home, and will have to pick up the intended items tomorrow after work.
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At least I stayed very calm about it, as getting mad or frustrated would not have changed a thing. So I guess there was a little success hidden in there.
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Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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3/25/15 11:47 P

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I think it's totally valid for you to consider how *necessary* such a costly procedure may--or may NOT--be. And while I never had braces, I did have an experience as a kid of pushing a tooth crooked--and then straight--over time, using my tongue!

I got in the habit of running my tongue in the gap between 2 teeth, and when the new tooth started coming in, I kept it up, and it was growing at an angle. The dentist asked me about it, and I admitted what I was doing. He told me I might end up needing braces (which I knew we couldn't afford), or I could use my tongue to push it back in place by running it back and forth behind the teeth and in front, as if smoothing them into an even line. I don't remember how long I kept this up, but it worked, and the gap closed completely. Maybe it can work for your daughter, too.
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Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 662
3/25/15 10:39 P

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Wow, that was a really serendipitous way to get a book. I've had book angels lead me to a few good reads, but nothing like that!

BTW thanks for the egg tips.

Took my girls to the dentist today. My youngest needs 5 fillings and a "baby" root canal. emoticon
My oldest needs braces (though it can wait a few years) and DentiCal doesn't cover them. They asked me if I could pay $126 a moth for 4 years (because apparently she needs the braces for at least 2 years) to correct her overbite. I nearly cried. I don't have any savings, or extra money (if I did, I wouldn't qualify for DentiCal). They even made a point of letting me know it's best to do this begore she gets all her grown up molars. She's 9, for heavens sake! Braces are supposed to happen when a kids in double digits! So I felt like a parental failure, because I can not afford this.

It would be for the overbite she inhierited from me though. Which is not very bad. And my experience was that by 3 years after getting my braces off my teeth were right back where they began. So maybe I will investigate more.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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3/24/15 11:32 P

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On another team I heard about a great organization that solicits donations, but when I Googled Carl Perkins Center, it turns out that is only a Tennessee organization. The really close Thrift It store that opened recently is just one lady's business (her tiny website talks about "retail therapy"). So I'll stick with Value Village. I checked their website, and I like their slogan of Good Deeds. Good Deals, plus they have a cool page on the Thrift Cycle, see link: www.valuevillage.com/thrift-store-cy
cl
e.aspx


I met with Katie, and shared how excited I was with the Clutter Busting book, which I brought & she plans to recommend to some clients, and my little dresser drawer victory. Also how I'm just feeling more hopeful, as well as on the verge of something very exciting. And I recognized for the first time how I was led to that book. I wanted to challenge my fear of wandering around Seattle, and to check out metaphysical stores to find products and people to relate to, and in this wonderful store crowded with New Age and spiritual merchandise--I first see this bright red book with a trash can on the cover, called Clutter Busting: Letting Go of What's Holding You Back. It really feels like this is the time for me to let go of a lot of old junk on the outside and the inside, both, and make room for something new & amazing, as well as what really matters.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 662
3/23/15 12:32 A

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Wow, that sounds fabulous! I recently dumped a lot of clothes, but didn't try any on. I think they were mostly too small, and long out of style, but now I wish I had tried. emoticon

I guess I'm looking for egg recipes. I have lots of things to do with the shells, but I really don't usually cook with eggs, especially the whole egg. I use egg whites a lot. But whole eggs, and a lot of them? I'm clueless.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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3/22/15 10:42 P

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On a whim, I dumped a dresser drawer out on the bed today, went through the items, tried everything on, and ended up with the majority going to the donations pile. Yes! It felt great!
emoticon emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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3/22/15 10:25 P

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On a whim, I dumped a dresser drawer out on the bed today, went through the items, tried everything on, and ended up with the majority going to the donations pile. Yes! It felt great!
emoticon emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 145.0 
 
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3/22/15 12:00 A

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I haven't colored eggs since I was a kid (many decades ago). Are you asking what to do cooking-wise with the runny insides of the eggs when you empty them? Or about what you'll do craft-wise with the empty shells? I've never blown out eggs before, but my GG co-leader is a very crafty mom of a first grader; she may have some ideas.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 662
3/21/15 10:40 P

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Thanks! I'm working on being compassionate to my family, although I am really angry with them right now. But I am working on it, and trying not to let my kids perceive what exactly is going on with me. Unfortunately I think I regained a few pounds, so I am also working extra hard to treat myself well. Also I am trying to monitor the negative that is coming out of myself.

I had a quiet Ostara, waiting ti the kids were out of the house to plant a few things. Gotta admit, I want to dye eggs soon, for Easter. The thing is, none of us really like hard boiled eggs, and if I blow out the eggs, I gotta figure out how to use the insides. Any ideas?

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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3/20/15 11:36 P

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Sounds like you are being proactive and mindful, and practicing compassion--all positive things! It's OK that we aren't perfect, and our choices may not always be the "best" ones. But if we observe and learn, persevere and share--refusing to hide or isolate--then I figure we're doing pretty dang good, considering how we've coped in the past. So hang in there, my friend! emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 662
3/19/15 11:57 P

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I'm doing a little better today. Took a friends advice and wrote everything down that was upsetting me, as if I was writing to my dad. Then I hit delete. So, it's out there in the cosmos, but it won't impede any chance of reconciliation. Someday I may express what I feel to my family, but hopefully I'll be able to do it in a more constructive way than I did in that letter.

I did a lot better on my food until evening. I had been Hungry Angry Lonely and Tired, the 4 emotions that I was told are dangerous for feeding frenzys. I got out of control. I am not very happy about that, but I am trying to be gentle and forgiving of myself. I think my inner child is feeling badly right now and looking for comfort the only way she knew. So I'm trying to parent her in the absence of her own parent.

On the up side, I went on the field trip to a small zoo/animal sanctuary, where all the kids discovered that Teacher Amy loves merry go rounds!



What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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3/19/15 11:56 P

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I'm sorry your family is disappointing and unable to give you the support you need. A lot of us have families that can't love us as we need, whether they are abusive, neglectful, manipulative, mean, flaky . . . It's why we need to form relationships & "families" of choice--those we are connected to by bonds of friendship, caring, respect & enjoyment, rather than blood.

I hope you have strong connections with others for your sake and the girls' sake. Sending you lots of love tonight, and *so* glad you are guarding against self-destructive behavior. When I find myself getting in a funk about work and the lack of positive relationships with management, I remind myself that I don't want to give them the power to take away my joy--my version of "I won't let them win!"

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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3/19/15 1:01 A

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Warning: I am on a bit of a rant about my family, and this post may contain triggers for others. You may not want to read past this.

I ended up doing some emotional eating the last few days and I'm not very happy with myself for it. I'm upset about some family stuff...my fathers family sort of excluded me from a family event, which isn't unusual, but brings up all these memories of my ex reminding me that my own family didn't want me (it turned out he had made threats to some family members, but I didn't find that out for years after the fact.).

The thing is, I'm really angry at them for not telling me...maybe I wouldn't have gotten sucked back into his web of deceit if I had known it at the time. Also, with at least 1 family member, I suspect that that was just a convienient excuse for why he never got in touch with me.

But then I get mad at myself for being mad. After all, he treated me like crap for years, so I can certainly understand why they would want nothing to do with him. But we have had no contact for a very long time now, and I resent that my daughters and I get ignored and treated like we purposely did something to hurt them. Truth be known, I think my ex was right when he said my fathers family thinks of me as the accident from my dad's first marriage, and an embarrassment to them. I don't really fit in with the rest of the family. I was the artist, they are all scientists. I was emotional, they were logical. They went to church every Sunday, I went to Pagan circles and mosques.

I don't want to sever all contact for my girls sake, even though they have mostly severed contact with me (my dad still gets in touch, but I get the feeling he does it in secret). And I know I have no control over other peoples emotions or actions, and that there is absolutely nothing I can do to make them care about us. But it is still painful.

The only good news is, even though I had some bad eating, I am not allowing this to make me self destruct again.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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3/19/15 12:15 A

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The youngest I taught was 2nd grade. 3rd was my favorite. Though I enjoyed taking a class from 2 up to 3 the next year. The continuity of having most of my kids 2 years in a row was sweet, since they knew my routines and I knew their abilities. But I have no desire to go back to the classroom. I admire all teachers and substitutes!

As I reported in my status, I finally got online to check out doing my taxes there, since it took me 5 months to get my refund last year when I mailed my taxes in. They may be trying to force most people to submit online, but it ain't easy, especially for the first time. It may take considerably more time than I anticipated. I printed a few pages out to read. They aren't printing the booklets anymore to distribute at libraries. And why have a form online in red that can't be printed and scanned? Why not print it in black? I'm supposed to call an 800 number and have them mail me forms! I'll try just printing in black rather than color.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 662
3/18/15 1:10 A

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Amanda, the potato feed sounds fun! I've never done anything like that, but I might have to try it.

Things have been crazy at work (which is about 10 minutes from Carmichael!) with my supervisor out of town. The Transitional Kindergarten had subs, and the kids took full advantage. Today we combined classes because the TK kids were so out of hand, and I could manage both classes better. I really admire the sub though...she dealt very well with some very naughty kids.The behavioral problems kept us off schedule, though, so most of the kids didn't nap until an hour after they normally would. Cranky 4 year olds are a pain.

The kids I watch in the after school program had issues too, as thier mom had a doctors appointment go late, and so dad had to drive from the bay area to get them. I didn't have time to make corned beef and cabbage, so we stopped at a restaurant. They made it better than I would have, I must say. But the cabbage was merely steamed, so it was too sharp. I'm one of those weirdo's that love boiled cabbage, so I was mildly disappointed. Still, the kids enjoyed it, and they got dessert, so mostly everyone was happy.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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3/18/15 12:24 A

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This year's Potato Feed wasn't as well organized or attended as in years past. The supervisor used to make sure those of us in the front office got a chance to run in and load up a plate between customers, so we wouldn't miss out, even if it wasn't our lunch time yet. That didn't happen this year, and I didn't even realize the time to go heat my veggies. I finally put the pan on the stove then ran back and got held up with a customer. Luckily somebody turned down the heat, and I turned it off; hardly anyone was left by that time, though I invited all to help themselves. By the time I finally got to lunch ~ 1:45, there wasn't much left besides some potatoes, butter, cheese and sour cream.

I chopped and mashed a sort of warm potato, put a bit of butter here and there, nibbled the last tiny morsel of corned beef left on the serving fork, scraped a half-teaspoon or so of bacon out of the pan, took the last spoonful of chives, sprinkled plenty of shredded cheese over all, then scooped a *bunch* of my sautéed veggie medley over it all, and nuked it--totally yummy! I also had some veggies and dip and fruit for dessert, so a pretty healthy lunch over all.

And I made good on my plan to not try to squeeze in more work after 5. Once I counted out my till with 2 others, I dealt with some items that had been sitting on my chair--some from today, one from last week. (I do all my computer work standing up.) So filed some papers, opened 2 bulky envelopes to find supplies for the next agency-wide Wellness challenge (that I had been too busy to even open). Just love those babysteps!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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3/17/15 12:50 A

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We finally had another person start today. She's a very nice young woman, Spanish bilingual, with a background in banking, so she's comfortable with money--a definite plus! She seems eager to learn, and it was fun showing her things.

Only learned a few days ago we are having a potato feed at work tomorrow. I was getting groceries anyway, so got some extra veggies to sauté up for the adventurous souls to put on top of their potatoes. It's a mixture of rainbow chard, kale, regular and heirloom red spinach, plus mushrooms, garlic and olive oil. I love piling stuff like that on my baked potatoes! Don't know how the others will like it. emoticon emoticon

I decided I would use the last half hour of the day, after we close the doors, to do some filing and clearing my inundated desk at work, then eventually to start clearing the virtual clutter. But today when I planned to start, one of the gals who only works until 5 turned her customer over to me, and I didn't finish with him until about 5:20, after which I counted in my till and then shut down, never getting the chance to do any clearing! emoticon I'll try again tomorrow!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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3/15/15 11:00 P

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Amy, that's emoticon I'm glad everyone enjoyed the visiting! emoticon emoticon I didn't know you were in Sacto! You know I grew up in Oakland, right? I have a friend who lives in Carmichael--that's not far, is it?

My sister, Mary, came up in the heavy rain today. We played OK, a Turkish tile rummy game my brother reintroduced us to this trip (we had forgotten how to play it). Then went to lunch, talked and caught up.
emoticon
Then to See's where I bought us each a box of truffles. emoticon Mary's was a emoticon gift for her support during my dental drama, driving up and going with me to 2 appts, and driving me to and from my root canal.
emoticon
Then back to my place for more games. I shared a fun cozy mystery series I'm reading (she took a emoticon of the series page with her phone), and read her a couple of the exercises in the Clutter Busting book I'm reading and really resonating with--and she took a pic of that cover, too!
emoticon
After she left, I did laundry, which gives me extra steps, running up and down stairs to the basement 2 floors down!
emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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3/15/15 1:08 A

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Amanda, that sounds like a great day! I rode public transit for a few months when I first left my ex, and quickly learned that in some areas, it is much more fun to take the bus than find a parking spot! Even with the girls with me, it is usually cheaper than paying for parking. I remember how nervous I was about it the first few weeks though. I was sort of surprised at how easy it was to do.

I spent today with my girls at the home of a couple of their best friends, a family that used to go to school with them. All the girls have really missed each other, and I had really missed their mom, an absolutely lovely, kind person. My girls, Sophia and Sara, are really close to her 2 youngest, Sarah and Sofia. (Her oldest girl, Nadia, is a former student of mine, so I had a lot of fun catching up with her as well). It was an amazing day, we had such a wonderful, low key visit. I was so glad that I am no longer as isolated and afraid as I was when I first moved to Sacramento. I've come a long way since then, and my girls are so much happier.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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3/15/15 12:10 A

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I wanted to do a little shopping with birthday money at my favorite of the metaphysical stores I found up in Seattle last month. But I didn't want to spend so much on parking or drive round and round those one-way streets searching for a curb spot or lot. So I researched some more on the public transit website, but wasn't real certain about the fares. Of course their information office was closed on the weekend, so I gathered enough cash for a one-way trip, and walked on down to the nearby bus stop. A young woman came soon after me, and I asked her some questions, which she kindly answered. I had the right fare when I got on ($2.50), and I found my right stop in one of the underground stations. Managed to come up at the right location for an easy 2-block walk to the store. Picked up a lovely piece of hanging art (sun-catcher) with colored beads, swirly silver metal and pentagram and moon charms, a pentagram pendant, and 2 more crystals--this time rose quartz and citrine--to alternate carrying with my first 2, a bloodstone and aventurine. I like inviting the qualities of the crystals to be with me when I carry them in my pocket.

When I got on the bus, the driver gave me a transfer. Back in my Oakland days as a kid riding the bus, the transfers only worked one-way, not on a return trip. I hadn't read anything about them online, but mine was good for a little more than 2 hours. With a bus ride of about 25 minutes, it was still good when I got back to the station--though I asked the shopkeeper to break a $5 into singles and quarters, in case I had to pay again. I found the right underground bay to wait in for the right homeward-bound bus, and turns out I didn't have to pay; my transfer worked! So less than $3 to ride up to Seattle and back--so much less than parking!

I had been a bit nervous about my first bus ride in decades, but it went well, and I was pretty proud of myself for stepping out of my comfort zone to try something new! emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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3/14/15 12:01 A

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Tired again tonight. Looking forward to a weekend with no particular plans except to see my sister at some point, maybe spend some birthday cash, and start working on taxes.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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3/12/15 11:23 P

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Do get lots of rest, Amy, and take excellent care of yourself!

Here's the link I mentioned to that fabulous performance with an important & heart-felt message. (Have the tissue box handy!) www.sparkpeople.com/resource/dailysp
ar
k-videos-detail.asp?video=80


Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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3/12/15 12:35 A

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Oh, I really want to watch drop dead diva! But it's not entirely 6 year old appropriate. emoticon

I'm slowly getting better, but I have had no appetite, and that seems to be making things harder. I get tired very easily.

So I had better say good night!

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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3/10/15 11:31 P

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Amy, I'm sorry you haven't been well. emoticon I hope you'll be stronger and more yourself soon.

I'm so enjoying watching these Drop Dead Diva episodes from season 4 and 5! That and some fun books from the library are keeping me entertained, as I catch back up with chores and errands that fell by the wayside during Paul & Shahla's visit.

Edited by: BLESSEDBEING at: 3/10/2015 (23:53)
Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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3/10/15 12:16 A

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Amanda, I'm so glad you had some time with your brother. It sounded lovely.

I am so sorry I haven't posted in awhile. Last week was insane, and then I got the flu. Ugh. That was some of the most sick I have been in years. My whole body felt like one big ache. To make it worse, the school couldn't find anyone to cover for me so I had to teach Friday. The other teacher had a family emergency, so there I was with 7 students (most from the another class) and a volunteer. I did some hands on activities just so the kids wouldn't see I was barely conscious.

My own kids, who are used to me being around in every aspect of their lives, were not very good at just letting me nap on Saturday. Funny how much someone waking you from a sound sleep gets your heart rate going. Wish I could have gotten points for that. I couldn't even track food, because swallowing anything more that ginger tea was exhausting. I was so frustrated realizing that my exercise streak was about to end that I tried to get up to do some, but quickly realized I was being an idiot and went to bed. That day I just got my exercise yelling at the kids to do their chores or they would be on restriction. They managed to finish befor midnite but complained the whole time. The next day though they admitted that the house was nicer once some cleaning got done (I of course still have to do my chores emoticon ).

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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3/9/15 11:48 P

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Work was nuts, but then it's going to be until we ever get 2 more people hired and trained, and get more cross-training amongst the rest of us.

Today the new vending machines and shelved goods went in. They call it a market. There are the usual chips, cookies and candy, but also cereal, soups to heat, fresh salads, hard boiled eggs, granola & yogurt, sandwiches, fruit/cheese/salami plate, a variety of drinks, even frozen meals and ice cream bars. You can use cash or credit cards. Very impressive with lots of selection, and healthy choices in addition to the normal fare.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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3/9/15 12:14 A

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I enjoyed being out in our lovely weather. My brother and I took a walk up and down some of the hills in my larger neighborhood. The birdsong, flowers, blooming trees & sunshine made for a truly lovely time. Then lunch at one of his favorite chains, Olive Garden for the soup & salad.
emoticon
Since it rained emoticon almost every day he was here last time, he has really enjoyed the sunshine this whole trip!
emoticon
He flew out this afternoon, so life will get back to normal. I really do want to schedule time to pursue those goals I most want to make progress on. Updates to come!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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3/6/15 11:36 P

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Spent a really nice day with my brother, shared a Seattle walk I really enjoyed, along Alki Beach in West Seattle. I just love the sound of the water; it's so relaxing. We talked a lot, including some deep stuff we usually don't get into. Then back at his hotel, we played a bunch of games & talked some more.

I finished a book, and decided to re-watch the last few episodes of Drop Dead Diva season 3, before starting seasons 4 & 5 that I bought a little while ago. I had forgotten how much I enjoy this show! Since I get no cable channels, I can't watch it in real time--if it's still on. They have created great characters you really care about. After my team spins, I think I'll go back to it.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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3/5/15 11:38 P

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Have a wonderful time with your family, Wispy! I've so enjoyed seeing my SIL after so many years. She flew down to California today, but my brother Paul is still here. I'll join him for some walking tomorrow. Looking forward to some exercise and visiting both.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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3/4/15 10:20 P

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Well it seems I have not been getting any notifications for this thread with the new month. Happened on other teams as well.

So pleased you had a wonderful time Amanda and are enjoying having the family to visit.
Such a treat when they are so far away. Even with the world being smaller these days. :)

Wishing you well with the application. I love celebrations as well. Do not plan on giving them any time soon. Going to my second youngest grand daughters engagement party on Saturday. My youngest gd is picking me up. So looking forward to it.

Have a good week ladies.

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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3/3/15 10:49 P

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I hit the big 60 yesterday (which doesn't bother me in the slightest)! And thanks to Mary & her DH (my BIL) for paying for our birthday dinner (brother's is 2/13, mine 3/2) at Red Robin! Good food emoticon & lots of laughter and fun conversation. emoticon Plus I got a sweet gift & fun card! emoticon Also got some nice cards in the mail, and a yummy fruit tart emoticon emoticon for my birthday dessert, plus balloons emoticon at work. Birthdays are emoticon I never plan to stop celebrating them!

I got off work early today, and though I'm having issues with the supervisor over a bunch of work matters, I made a point as I was leaving to thank her for approving my time off to enjoy with my brother and SIL during their brief visit from Turkey. She seemed a little started, but told me I was welcome, and wished me a fun time with them tomorrow. We're doing the Ride the Ducks tour www.ridetheducksofseattle.com/ which spends 60 minutes driving around Seattle, and 30 minutes touring Lake Union in an amphibious bus/craft. The one time I did it with a group from work (on our first forced furlough day) we had a blast, with a great tour guide. I'm looking forward to sharing it with Mary, Brian, Paul and Shahla!
emoticon emoticon emoticon (kinda looks like a duck!)

Oh, and I spent time on the weekend on the new application, a little one morning when I woke up early on a work day, then finished it all tonight and got it submitted just before 6:30 tonight. Given that I learned about it on Friday, and it was set to close on Thursday at noon, I'm impressed with how fast I got all that writing done! Now I can just concentrate on enjoying time with Paul (younger, but much taller, brother) and Shahla (SIL, originally from Iran).

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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3/2/15 12:27 A

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Hey, Amy, good to hear from you. And please, try not to feel guilty about not posting. We miss hearing from you, and like to know how you are, but I'm a big proponent of not "shoulding" on yourself.

Won't post long, I'm pretty tired. I was up early and got started on the cover letter for the new position that closes on Thursday at noon. I took a break for a 30-minute walk around neighborhood hills in the beautiful chilly morning. Then back to writing--7 hand-written pages, which only went a little over 3 when finally typed, which I finished just now. Of the 14 Supplemental Questions, I think 5 required detailed answers explaining why I checked a particular box in a previous question. So more writing to be done!
emoticon
My sister and I went to one of the best performances at our community theater where we have season tickets. I had never seen The Miracle Worker on stage, and it was amazing! Then we joined Paul and Shahla midway between Lakewood where the play was and Seattle where their hotel is. We had dinner at Panda Express--Chinese is the one kind of food they can't seem to get in Turkey, and my brother was hankering for it!
emoticon
Tomorrow we'll get together after I get off work for dinner here in Tukwila to celebrate Paul's birthday 2/13 and mine 3/2. Sister Mary and BIL Brian will pick that up.


Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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3/1/15 8:21 P

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Hi Ladies! I am so sorry I haven't been posting. It was a stressful week, and I didn't get much computer time. I logged my food but that was about it.

Amanda, I really hope the job search turns something up soon. I'm sorry you have to work with a supervisor that just doesn't seem to understand that the team is stressed out. Wispy, I'm so glad you are getting to spend time with your granddaughter. One of my big regrets is that I didn't get much time to know my Grandma as a person, rather than just my Dad's mom. I never spent much time alone with her, my Dad was always with us. Your granddaughter is very lucky.

If you saw my blog about the bunny, you probably have an idea of what had me stressed. The bunny is integrating into the family, though one cat is barely speaking to us, and expressing her displeasure by peeing on anything left on the floor. The other cat keeps a watchful eye on the bunny. One day they played, but by the next day the cat seemed to have some sibling rivalry issues. The girls love it, of course, but Miss Fluffy is outgrowing the temporary cage rapidly, and will probably start getting aggressive soon as her teeth develop (she's teething now). Miss Fluffy is oddly aware of my voice, though, so when I tell her "No, don't go over there." she obeys. It's sort of nice to have someone actually listen to me. emoticon

The weather is so warm here that I ended up with a rodent problem. A very large rodent. The exterminator came out (gasp! expensive service, even the cheap ones are expensive!) and confirmed it was a rat, and put out traps. In the meantime, I am scared to open my cupboards, so I am eating a lot of pre-prepared foods, and my food went kind of sideways. No real binging, but I really wanted to. Lots of poor choices, mostly through stress eating.

I have a hard time journaling, because my ex used to read my journals and use them against me, but I am trying. It feels good when i do it, but I have a tendency to misplace the journal. I did buy some new lavender plants to add to my others, and the scent does a lot to soothe me.





What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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2/28/15 10:32 P

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Thanks, Wispy! Today was much nicer (see gratitude thread).

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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2/28/15 5:28 P

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WOW, some day Amanda. Heres to the new job prospect. Right behind you lady. xx

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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2/27/15 11:51 P

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An absolutely crazy day at work. Barely got my morning break in before beginning a 4 hour training, which turned out to be about something quite different from what I was expecting. We only had a 15-minute break scheduled, so when we got out a little before 3 pm--that's when I got to have my lunch! With 2 of us plus the office manager in the training, that only left 4 people to cover the counter including covering lunches.

By the time I got back from lunch at 3:50, I found nobody had begun the deposit process which is supposed to happen ~ 2:45 to 3:30. So I finally got that started, but with 2 folks leaving early, and bunches of customers, I had to leave the supervisor with the deposit stuff and go help customers. The last one left at 5:15 (doors close, and most staff are only scheduled to 5:00), and then I went back to finish counting out my till, and finish prepping the deposit, which luckily came out without problems (not always the case). I think it was the first time the new supervisor stayed past 5:00, but she was finishing with me and made sure I got the deposit transmitted and everything closed down and put away. (I'm scheduled until 5:30, and got out at 5:36 tonight.)

At least through the training with our Elevator Program, I learned of a current job opening, though it's only open a short time, so I'll need to check on it and try to whip out a fast application this weekend!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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2/27/15 4:32 P

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Great going at work and have a wonderful time with your family. So much fun ahead.

My youngest gd and I had such a lot of fun yesterday. An absolute ball. The weather was sunny and mild and she is such good company. The amazing thing to me is that she thinks I am as well. emoticon

We had lunch in an orchard sitting out amongst nature with chickens and little few day old chicks. Last brood of the season I am thinking. So gorgeous of course we wanted to bring some home. There were also ducks. Just delightful and wonderful food.

Her sister is having an engagement party next weekend so that is the next highlight to look forward too and their Dad, my youngest, James is taking me on holiday, all being well, shortly after. I am feeling so blessed right now.

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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2/26/15 11:54 P

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My brother Paul (one year younger, the only financially successful one in our family) will be here 9 days, not counting travel days on each end. SIL 5 days. Sister and BIL meeting them tomorrow at the airport, then breakfast up in Seattle at/near their hotel, after which I have a therapy appt in another part of the city.

I'm pleased that I did quite well at work, not giving yesterday's to-do more attention or importance than it deserved.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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2/25/15 11:49 P

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I did parts work with my first therapist in California. I think I got a book once called Healing Our Selves. My current one does Family Systems Therapy--I found info on it online. Very complimentary to other work I've done. It's something that really resonates with me.

I had a challenging day. I was told I "needed to be respectful" when I knocked on the door of a meeting to request guidance for an intense situation. Fine. I decided I'd do what I felt I needed to and the supervisor could respond however she wanted to when she was through. Bummed me out for awhile, since I constantly strive to be respectful, but some helpful coworkers did their best to cheer me up.

Edited by: BLESSEDBEING at: 2/26/2015 (00:00)
Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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2/25/15 6:43 P

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How good it is to know that there is so much understanding available these days to help with these things.

Yes, what you say is what I experience also. Did you also learn NLP? Or a different form of therapy that deals with part work? Looking back I wonder if it was somewhere else that I first heard of it. I know we both did the Keyes work. :) That was a lovely part of my journey.

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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2/25/15 12:10 A

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I had been doing pretty well staying mostly positive at work, but today got sucked in to the general lamenting and bitching going on. I tried to help soothe one very frustrated coworker and cheer up one who was close to tears. We're still busy and overwhelmed, still no word on whether either of the candidates for open positions passed their written bilingual tests (many have failed that part, and they won't post for or hire anyone but a Spanish-speaker who can pass the written test as well). And the new supe is doing little to manage work flow or breaks--it's pretty much up to us, and today, 1 person out of 6 got their afternoon break, and many of us worked late. She always leaves on time, never checking to see what issues are keeping us. It was a demoralizing day.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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2/24/15 12:09 A

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I have always found parts work vastly entertaining and helpful. I have lots of different parts with very distinct aspects and gifts. They are really learning to look out for each other and work together; it's very gratifying and rewarding.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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2/23/15 6:39 P

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Sounds you are doing lots of good work Amanda.

It was suggested one time (NLP) I think to get the different parts talking to each other so that they are in agreement over a course of action. It was really interesting to discover that in fact they did not even know about each other although their points of view were often contradictory.
Allowing them to chat to each other, once they were willing, with me as the kind of mediator. We came up with a plan that both of them were happy with - at least to try out, and if either of them did not like what was happening we could come back and discuss it. Have to say it is very helpful when I am trying to chose a course of action for myself. When they are in agreement things go smoothly. The conflict disappears.

PS I am thinking back and there were often more than two parts who had input. No wonder I used to find it so difficult to make a decision and feel comfortable going with it.

Edited by: -WISPY- at: 2/23/2015 (18:42)
"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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2/22/15 11:19 P

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I hope you get lots of rest this weekend, Amy, and that your daughter gets better soon!

I really admire your knack, Wispy. I tried once to do my own, many years ago, and never tried again!

Spent most of yesterday reading--finishing a great book by Catherine Anderson, then read another one I got at the library on my way home from a grocery run. The new one wasn't as good, more the "typical" romance, and kinda preachy. So I'll see how I like others as they come in from my requests. Still waiting for # 1 in the Trash n' Treasures series; I have #2 and #4.

I went for a walk yesterday at dusk, the sky still a clear blue, with the light changing, the air quite nippy, but I just felt relaxed and happy. Tried 25 minutes of a new yoga restorative DVD I got at Costco. Wrote in my gratitude journal for the first time in several days.

Then this morning, I got in touch with some strong frustration and disappointment about not doing more. I'm trying hard to honor all my parts and feelings, but not fall into pitting parts against each other or blaming or vilifying aspects of myself. So I reminded myself first to recall what I did that was positive, and just to remember how good I was feeling when I was out walking after a day of relaxing.

I recalled, as I often have, a statement I remember hearing from one of my parents (the funny thing is I'm not even sure which one said it) "All we want is for you to do your best." The problem is that no matter what I do, I can imagine ways to improve, so nothing is ever "the best." It's hard to feel satisfied and not push myself or feel disappointed. I did an exercise of "giving back" a burden or limiting belief, where I saw them side-by-side, told them I didn't know which one said it, but I didn't want to hold that idea anymore and was giving it back. They could keep it or turn around and return it to whomever they got it from; I didn't care, I just didn't want to carry it anymore.

Then I imagined a bunch of my parts having a rally, waving picket signs and chanting "We don't have to be the best! Good enough is good enough!" and a variation "I don't have to do 'my best'--Good enough is good enough!" I'm not claiming that the belief is completely gone, or I won't have anymore problems with that kind of thinking, but it was helpful to go through all that, and I think I'll try writing the 'Good enough is good enough' affirmation. And I may blog on this topic as well. Others may relate to aspects of the same issues.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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2/22/15 10:29 P

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I can imagine Amy, everyone will be on their best behaviour for a while. That has got to be a plus.

Yes, I understand about the hair cutting. Had no idea until I did it once that I seem to have knack for it. It is the feathering I learned from one hairdresser that seems to make the difference. It blends in rather than being 'clumpy and cut in straight lines. I couldn't do it though if I wore it straight. That requires a better cut. Curls do cover a multitiude of sins. ;)

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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2/21/15 9:26 P

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Amanda, that sounds so fun! I love Oregon, it is such a beautiful state.

Wispy, I wish I could cut my own hair. I've tried, I'm just not very good at it.

I'm working on the no complaining. To give myself credit, I have managed to cut down, partly because a security camera was installed in the school office. I know that it's there to prevent harrassment of employees, but I'm still very aware of it's presence. As is every other employee in there.

Because of her bout with the flu, my daughter has been coughing like crazy, especially at night. I haven't had a full nights sleep in 10 days, and I am really barely able to stay awake. I really need to sleep, so I think I am going to stop sparking for the day.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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2/20/15 7:15 P

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Sounds like a fun time Amanda. Family reunion. Enjoy.

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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2/20/15 12:09 A

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I'm still enjoying my cut. I finally got henna on my hair. The underside an bottom half of my hair is still mostly dark brown, but on top it's pretty gray. So I use a plant-product to color it (can't stand heavy chemicals). I just don't feel old, and so don't care to look it, with dull hair. When my mom let hers go snowy white, it was beautiful. But mine's still pretty mixed.

Energy is definitely better. I'm really working on the not complaining, and continuing with my affirmations, and carrying the new crystals I got myself on Valentine's Day (I switch between the new aventurine and the bloodstone), and soliciting their properties.

Oh, and vacation planning big time. Brother and SIL coming soon to visit from Turkey. I'll take a couple vacation days while they are here. We just got a time share exchange for our Half-Pack week in Sunriver, Oregon, and 6-Pack is discussing dates ad venues for our long weekend gathering.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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2/19/15 2:50 P

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Good for you Amy. I am so pleased you are feeling good and happy that you are getting
an interesting new promotion. Head of the classroom is great, especially as you say the experience is invaluable. emoticon

A new modern cut. Sounds great. I sure hope they do a good job. Look forward to hearing the results. Amanda seems pleased with the results.
Have to say I so seldom get a cut I am happy with that several years ago I took to doing it myself. Have to say it is good. I even seem able to get the back the way I like it.
However I think sometimes a more modern style would be a good idea. I couldn't cut that!!


Edited by: -WISPY- at: 2/19/2015 (14:51)
"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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2/18/15 11:46 P

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After all of that, I feel like a weight is off my shoulders. I came back to work today to find out that I will be taking over as head of one of the classrooms. No raise, but the professional experience will be invaluable. emoticon

Hopefully, this weekend I will also be getting a haircut! I like some of the ladies at the salon, though I was disappointed by the last hairdresser. But my hair has finally grown out to a point that I can style it better. So I'll go in to update my look a bit. Right now it is very middle age Matron looking, and I really want it to look less Matronly!

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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2/18/15 5:48 P

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Amy that is all such good news. You are doing amazingly well facing all that stuff and not knowing how things are going to turn out.

Do you have support in a group of some kind? Great news that the girls will get to see their Uncle and also that they are getting counselling. It must be hard for them to understand what is going on.

What a relief for you to know that it is going to be supervised. Going to court will be a big thing, hope the girls will not have to go as well. You have a good neighbour. Not many people are willing to go unless they have to. I sure hope they all know what was going on.

Wishing you a good breather from stress and a time to relax.

I too am restyling my hair at present Amanda. I have been growing it for some time. Dont know if I will keep it like this. Just a change to have it longer so that I can put it up.

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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2/17/15 11:36 P

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What a relief that the visits will be supervised, & more of his misbehavior is coming to light. It's nice the girls can see their uncle. Congrats for coming through it, I'm sure it was intense! Be extra good to yourself, after dealing with all that stress!

I'm really pleased with how I spent the last day of my 3-day weekend: I went to the city park I missed on Saturday; it was sunny, chilly and breezy, and just beautiful right by the water of the Sound. I walked close to 5 miles.
emoticon
The I got a haircut that was long overdue. I really like the stylist I had been seeing at Penney's, but I haven't always liked the cuts, especially the last. So I saw someone new, and we're trying something a little different, a bit softer and more blended. She warned me it will take a few times of having hair grow out and getting re-shaped to get the look I'm hoping for. It was hard to switch, but I'm happier with my hair, so that feels like a win to me!
emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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2/17/15 9:47 P

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I was in court today... It very nearly went South. My lawyer had objected to a letter that was not submitted to us before Sunday, so his lawyer objected to a document that had been submitted given to her weeks ago, saying she didn't have time to study it. In addition, the person who had been supervising his visitation is no longer able to do it.The judge said neither was allowable, and had each of us talk with a mediator in turn, and then the mediator spoke with the girls. My lawyer was trying to prepare me to accept that he might end up with unsupervised visitation, possibly for several days at a time. Then the mediator came back...apparently she had looked up Buttheads record and found out that the D.A. has more charges filed against him! Technically, the court should have remanded him to custody, but the judge simply told his lawyer to "Handle it.":(

The upshot is, he can now see the girls 2 times per week for up to 2 hours (or 1 day per week for up to 4 hours) with his brother supervising, or a paid supervisor, timing at the supervisors discretion. This gives the girls a chance to see their uncle (whom they miss more than their dad) and get help with their Arabic homework. They must also go to counseling to help them deal with the separation. And since we will have to go back to court in April, the mediator will have plenty of time to look over both documents. :) So at least for now, the restraining order for me, and for the girls, will be held in place.

In the meantime, I may have to prepare to go to trial, which means I will need to find witnesses (my neighbor has volunteered, and I am talking to a few other people). Overall, I am relieved.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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2/15/15 4:31 P

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That is a good one Amy. Yep same for me. It was like he was a power. he sure had power over me. I was terrified of him and terrified of him leaving and thinking I loved him so much.

All of it, including how much I loved him, looking back all false energy. However in reality I do care for him. I am still sad that he spent his young years in a concentration camp. Part of the reason I fell for him, he was damaged.
Give me a lame duck and I fall in love. People or animals. I want to rescue and look after.

Discovered I was co-dependent. That was a wake up call. We are not always what we think we are.

Alas my neighbours are older and I did not approach them for a long while because they are also from overseas. Large family and big boys. Lately I have started speaking to them. Funny the boy is good. He turns it down. I got his sister the other day who denied it was them, and was quite ..... cold. For lack of a better word.

Last night they came home and I am thinking it was her. There it was loud. They are the only people in the street that you can hear, unless there's a party - which is fine.
The Council have already spoken to their landlord.

I am trying to keep in mind the saying "that its a 1st world problem" and I am blessed to live where I do. Which is all true. :)


Edited by: -WISPY- at: 2/15/2015 (16:35)
"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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2/15/15 2:24 P

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Just wanted to share this quickly because I think you guys will enjoy it. I was watching a Doreen Virtue video and she said that fear is actually False Energy Appearing Real. She made a point of saying it was true in the media, but what came to my mind was all those times with my ex when I was too afraid to leave. Now that I am in a much better situation I can genuinely say that the energy was false, but it seemed so real at the time.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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2/15/15 1:57 A

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I'm glad you're enjoying the challenge. I've been giving it a try, but with the kids home with the flu, I haven't been tested by the things that usually cause me to complain. Which I'm not complaining about, just explaining!

Poor kids are exhausted, Sophie by the flu, Sara with a bad cold/allergies and dealing with her grumpy-puss sister.

WIspy, I hear what you are saying about your neighbors. I'm constantly asking the teens next door to watch their language around the kids. They rolled their eyes abut it until one day when they were making their usual ruckus and the neighbor on the other side of their house came out and complained about it. He was a little less genteel about it than I was. I think they stopped because they were afraid of him.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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2/15/15 12:25 A

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I'm just glad you mentioned the challenge, Amy. Because it was in my mind, I think I did better at not worrying or getting aggravated at some of the unexpected or unplanned things that happened today--or things not happening the way I tried to prepare or plan. (I wrote a detailed description of my outing today in a blog.) I didn't expect to be perfect, or criticize myself the time or two I briefly lost my cool, but I didn't stay caught up. At least once (thinking about work) I caught myself with a "whoops--there I go again--let's shift focus!"

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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2/14/15 5:34 P

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woo hoo. Too late for that for me today. I just rang the Council about the drumming next door..... yet again. I have already spoken to them twice this week.

The good news is that I no longer get angry or have expectations it will stop. This is an enormous blessing. The first time this week, the guy just said, Ive turned it down already. :) lol. Yesterday his sister said it wasn't them. I told her I wasnt the only person who was getting fed up with it. The neighbours on the others side also get complaints from people thinking its their fault. The music stopped. But 9.00 am this morning Sunday - there it is again.
Peace reigns in my little neck of the woods.

Happy Sunday. Birds singing in the trees outside the window. Sun shining. Bliss.


"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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2/13/15 11:46 P

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What a cool idea! It's easy to fall into the habit of noticing or focusing on the negative--which leads to complaining. I think it would be tough for me, but beneficial to try. I appreciate you sharing that, Amy!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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Other Survivors of Abuse General Team Discussion Forum Posts

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Suggestion Box 7/20/2014 6:31:52 PM
Reasons for abuse 10/22/2014 12:26:42 AM
Oprah/Chopra meditation starts 4-14-14 4/13/2014 8:54:15 PM
Holidays my way 12/16/2014 11:22:59 PM
Some tips for finding good self esteem 7/18/2014 8:31:53 PM

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