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12/4/16 11:33 P

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So happy to hear your news about the stress relief of hearing from the girls, the holiday fun you are having and planning, the saving of time and money for shipping--one of those hidden holiday expenses!
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I got some, not all of my whirlwind trip unpacking done. Drove down to Lakewood for lunch and a play with my sister. Thankfully it was mostly sunny, so driving was easy, and it was a short play, so I came home before dark--yay! We saw It's a Wonderful Life, a clever telling of the story with minimal staging, that was deeply affecting by the end--both Mary and I were crying but good there.
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I got the letter of interest typed on one page. Also placed a couple of discounted orders, mostly calendars.
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Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 1,239
12/4/16 4:52 P

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This has been the first weekend that the kids were gone overnight. Luckily, their counselor recommended to their father that he allow them to call and text whenever they want, so we had a lot of communication. Otherwise, I may have been a complete basket case. As it is, I recieved some nasty messages from my ex, but I just ignored them and focused on the wonderful texts and calls from the girls.

Woke up this morning and saw that my cat had some blood in her urine, so I rushed her to the vet. Fortunately, the vet is also a clinical pathologist, so she didn't have to send any tests out, and we got a cheaper, quicker result. My cat now has to eat food purchased from the vet, and she needs to lose ~2 pounds, but she will be fine.

I am so excited about Christmas. Working with small children makes it so exciting, even though it is a lot of work. And knowing that I will see my aunt and possible my cousins makes it even more exciting, since it will be a small dose of family. More than a few days, and it would not be such a happy prospect. Even better is knowing that I don't have to get their presents in the mail, so I can read all the books I got them. emoticon



What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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12/2/16 11:25 P

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Mary and I are in Woodland, WA (between Longview and Vancouver) at the Best Western. I drove down to her house and we left about 1, stopped at the outlet mall in Centralia & picked up some holiday jewelry on sale at Claire's. Played games in our room once we hit the hotel, then drove a little ways to the Burgerville, got sandwiches and their marvelous Yukon Gold waffle fries w/ chipotle dipping sauce. Then back to the room and more games. We're breaking for me to spark and she's reading, then we'll have another game before bed. We grew up playing games, and neither of us has anyone else who loves them as much as we do.
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Looking forward to exercising in the pool tomorrow morning, then having their hot breakfast here, then driving down to the Shafer Ladies do in West Linn, south of Portland. Then drive straight back up. Hoping for less rain tomorrow, though it mostly wasn't too bad. Mary did the driving as usual, since she's the more experienced and confident driver.
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Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (178,436)
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12/2/16 12:53 A

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Will try to catch up this weekend around our quick trip down to Oregon and back for our annual Shafer Ladies and Sunday's holiday play at the Lakewood Playhouse--It's a Wonderful Life. Just too tired tonight to make much sense! emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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12/1/16 1:39 A

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Boy, you've had a challenging time. Nice how your lawyer had a self-nurturing recommendation. And while I get that you wish you had been stronger in standing up against bigotry, I also really admire your thought about befriending the person, and gradually helping her overcome prejudice, since challenging people often makes them more defensive and entrenched.

Worked on the app, found a totally new position to try for, did paper sorting and file organizing, wrote a short letter, did my ST challenge. Productive evening! emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 1,239
12/1/16 12:20 A

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I'm glad you thought of an alternative for your car payment. And I'm glad that you have the savings to do something like that, since a good car really is a necessity.

I had court yesterday, and reluctantly agreed to let the jerkface have the girls overnight on his weekends with the girls. I've been experiencing a lot of anxiety about it, but my lawyer helped to put things into perspective, and advised that I soak my feet in epsom salts to help drain off the tension.

In between the court session and waiting for the paperwork I had several hours, so I went to a used bookstore. As I was shopping I heard the clerk say something anti-Muslim, and I tensed up, debating if I should walk out or ignore it, as they had several books I had been looking for as a gift for my mother. I think the owner must have realized something, because she gave me a 75% "first timers" discount. But I'm sort of disappointed in myself for not saying anything. So I think I will have to make an effort to be the woman's friend and change her perspective somewhat. Maybe it will help me to be braver in defending my kids beliefs.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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11/29/16 11:32 P

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I've started working on a new app due next Monday. This is a payroll specialist, at a range a little higher than my current one, for a different agency, not too far away, in southern Seattle. I think it could be enjoyable, and I don't have a lot of energy running on it. I'm continuing to work on the exercises in Desire Mapping. Just spent a few minutes doing an early short core workout on the stability ball w/ Coach Nicole. It's a good one!

I've got soup heating, and one of more Patricia Briggs stories to read. I'm really enjoying reading them in order according to the timeline. I love these characters so much! Can't wait for her next novel, which comes out in early March, on the same day as the new Anne Bishop in the Others series.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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11/28/16 10:31 P

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I actually realized I have an option that hadn't occurred to me: I plan to take money out of savings at one time and pay off the dang car loan, so that will be $200+ a month that I'll be able to play with. That should cover expenses with a little extra to spend and save while I keep looking. I'll do that on my staycation coming up next week. Less holiday spending this year, definitely, but I won't have to be quite as thrifty--as in no gifts; just spending less on fewer people.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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11/28/16 1:52 A

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I wrote about Saturday's movie on the What are you reading or watching thread.

Today I did laundry, got groceries and replaced the step counter that I lost outside the movies yesterday. Working on keeping my OOs spiffed up.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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11/25/16 10:21 P

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Hope Sophie is getting feeling better, and glad you all enjoyed your Thanksgiving at home. Also pleased you survived your shopping expedition and found some good deals.

I stayed home again, and spent quite a bit of time clearing and reorganizing in the dining area. I just had had it with the tottering piles on the table, so boxed up what needs to be sorted through, and filled the empty spaces left when I relocated file boxes. Cleaned and vacuumed the floor as well, and just generally tidied. I have plenty of sorting through boxes ahead of me, but there is less general messiness to drain my energy, so this is a very good thing.

Also did a couple of workouts, chopped up the rest of the quarter ham I've been cutting slices from, froze most of it, and cooked up the ham bone with veggie trimmings I collect & freeze to make broth for soup. Washed a bunch of dishes and cleaned the stove, finally getting it back to OO (Oasis of Order) status (no extra clutter).

Edited by: BLESSEDBEING at: 11/25/2016 (23:19)
Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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11/25/16 10:13 P

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Dang! Just discovered I forgot to post this on the SAssies last night--just hit the BBs and GGs.

I've been making plans for moving some furniture around my "office" area. The "computer table" that used to hold the big honking monitor for my desktop didn't need to stay where it was, and the printer stand didn't need to stay next to it. So I spent a couple hours today moving furniture, vacuuming & dusting & untangling electrical cords. There's now better clearance around my recliner, and file drawers & boxes are more concentrated in one area. I'm very pleased with it so far.

Late afternoon/early evening cooked up some kitchen sink mashed potatoes--red, gold and blues from TJ's plus half an orange sweet potato. Cooked those up while I chopped onions, kale, mushrooms, red & orange peppers, Italian parsley, fresh basil and ham. Swapped pans (I only have one good, large burner) and started sauteing the veggies in order of density. Ended up with a big stir fry pan of extras (plus a couple large spoonfuls of chopped garlic) cooking away while I mashed the potatoes (after draining, saving the cooking water for soup/stock) by hand with my big heavy masher. Added a little potato water, seasoning, tiny bit of cream, lots of shredded cheese, then dumped the extras in. Took a while to get the mixture well combined, then enjoyed 2 large helpings for dinner, with plenty left for breakfast tomorrow. Such concoctions aren't to everyone's taste, but I love playing with flavors and colors, and "eating my rainbow."

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 1,239
11/25/16 9:44 P

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Had a nice Thanksgiving. Sophie woke up with a sore throat, so we backed out of going to a friends and made dinner here instead. Had to bully the girls into picking up and cleaning some, but we ended up having a nice day.

Sara convinced me to take them to Toys R Us today since she had been saving her money for a particular toy. Of course, they were sold out, but she found a doll she had been wanting at half price, so it worked out for her. I picked up some gifts as well, and Sophie got a game she had been wanting. Then we walked over to the nearby mall where I picked up some gifts for my Mom. All in all, though I am usually opposed to shopping Black Friday (too many years working in retail) it was a good shopping trip.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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11/23/16 1:03 A

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Had a bit of an adventure picking up my glasses at Costco this morning--though I'm too tired to regale you with it right now.

Have had several successful timer sessions this evening, sorting old mail, cleaning, reviewing job openings. But my energy is flagging, so I'll be headed to bed soon. Have a wonderful Wednesday, all!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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11/22/16 12:45 A

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Feeling productive. Cleaned litter box, made car loan payment at the credit union, paid Penney's bill--first charge in years--decided I might need more credit history. Worked exercises in The Desire Map, just finished my ST challenge. Making plans with sister for traveling down to Shafer Ladies holiday gathering in Oregon in early December.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (178,436)
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11/21/16 12:51 A

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Too funny. I headed out later than planned today, so got gas at Costco, but didn't even try to hunt in the parking lot for a spot. Safeway and TJ's weren't bad. And I finally noticed my blinking message light--1 was my sister about meeting up yesterday, but the other was from Costco saying my glasses are in already! Way earlier than expected. So I'll see about picking them up tomorrow--plus the few groceries I missed.

Did a little sorting this afternoon, after my nap. I'm also planning a bit of rearranging in the "office" area. Since I no longer have a desktop, it doesn't have to stay where it was, so I plan to switch it and a 2-drawer file cabinet to get the files closer to the old computer desk which is now covered in file boxes. Lots of consolidating to do & some purging. It'll be so nice to have papers in one location instead of scattered about.

Also did some research for a trip Mary and I are taking down to the annual Shafer Ladies luncheon and ornament exchange--with our maternal relatives. We still have one auntie with us, and bunches of cousins and their kids. Found a good place for our overnight, dinner and coffee spots closeby. Wishing everyone a great week!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 1,239
11/20/16 7:57 P

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I went to Trader Joe's to stock up for Turkey day. Got most of what I needed, but they were out of cream cheese and celery. When I mentioned it to the clerk, she gave me a strange look and said "how can a TJ's run out of those the weekend before Thanksgiving?" When her manager confirmed it for us, she gave him a dark look, which made me laugh, before explaining to him that there are some ingredients in recipes that are just plain necessary. The manager said they would have it the next day, but it's too far for me, so I have to pick it up somewhere else this week. But the interplay between the two of them cracked me up.

The weather is dreary. I know it's going to rain because I have a headache. Hopefully it will start soon so the ache will let up. In the meantime, I am drinking tea and trying to relax.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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11/20/16 1:36 A

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emoticon you've been struggling. Does the judge not ask the girls what they want? Seems to me they should. Babysteps--yes! That's what I'm doing. I love my timer, and also go back and forth between work and relaxing (especially reading). Also exercise, and inner work.

I stayed up late reading last night (finished the Alpha & Omega novel Hunting Ground; today I began Mercy Thompson #2, Iron Kissed), & overindulged in TJ's turkey stuffing potato chips. (They sound weird, but are wonderfully seasoned & totally yummy.) Got a late start this morning, but finished 2 loads of laundry before driving down to Federal Way to meet Mary at Starbucks (latte for me, hot chocolate for her) emoticon and pass along a bag she inadvertently left at my place last weekend. Talked upcoming holiday plans among other things.

Since getting back mid-afternoon, I've been doing a little cleaning and sorting (mail), exercising & ended up buying a few small gifts on sale. In between, I'm reading my MT book, and over dinner finished watching Race, the DVD I checked out of the library. I wrote about it on the What are you reading & watching thread.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 1,239
11/19/16 7:20 P

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It sounds like you have been very busy.

I've been struggling with anxiety since the election, and put on some weight really quickly. It wasn't until I logged into one of the challenges today that I realized how detached I've been from Spark and the other things that help my mental balance. It's not just the election of course (although hearing that they want to create a registration for Muslims filled me with terror for my girls) but I am getting ready for court again. The judge is probably going to grant their father overnight visits, which disgusts me and frightens the girls, but I am trying to minimize my own feelings to make them feel okay with it. I need to make a deciscion by tonight, and I am not very happy about it. I can't help hoping he will drop dead from a heart attack before court.

I've been cleaning house today, not really making much progress, but Baby Steps! My biggest issue is getting the kids to keep it nice throughout the week. The other issue is that I need to go through a clutter corner to set up the printer my mom sent me for my birthday. Clutter intimidates me, I admit. So I've been setting a timer and working, then relaxing, then working again. I'd like to get a good portion done so that I can shop for Thanksgiving tomorrow. Although I am going to a friends house, I still want us to have some of our family favorites for the day, so I have some shopping to do.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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11/18/16 3:18 P

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I'm currently at the Toyota dealer getting the basic 60K service for $160, instead of the $550 value package or the "preferred" deluxe one that runs $900. Before coming here, I went by Group Health and order their cheapest prescription glasses that cost me $30 (due to being bifocals) over the $150 allowance I get from my health plan coverage. Unfortunately I won't get the wider reading area I prefer. I'm intending these as my at home pair; the full ones I ordered from Costco will be my at work pair. When I start making a decent wage, I plan to get another full pair, and get more maintenance on the car. I'm just tired of my paychecks not covering all my expenses. I've been playing with thoughts of looking for a roommate--no time soon, but considering the possibility.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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158.75
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (178,436)
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11/18/16 12:31 A

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I'm *really* hoping my Costco glasses come in by Wednesday, cuz I don't want to go near there on Friday! Mary and I are thinking of trying to catch "Arrival" at the theater, but I'm hoping for one not attached to a mall--those places get scary and parking is such a zoo Thanksgiving weekend! Still trying to pin down a day to see Hacksaw Ridge w/ Melanie, my friend from work.

Intense day at work, spending lots of time trying to get the right bond paperwork in order to activate a contractor license the customer had paid for 9 days ago; getting an electrical inspector to take care of an inspection request that had been pending for 2 weeks, causing hardship and anxiety for the poor homeowner (she was so grateful for my help and the inspector's, and let us both know it); fixing a coworker's booboo when she sold an Electrical Trainee card (we sell lots of these) to a man who wanted a Plumber Trainee card (not so many of these); also helping that same coworker with steps she has trouble remembering in scanning and attaching documents to a wage complaint, and all the steps prior to and subsequent to submitting the complaint, as well as scanning business license applications and uploading them for the agency who gets all the fees, even though we're the ones doing all the work with the customers.

But I maintained a pretty cheerful attitude, celebrating each success. And got to projects tonight that got overlooked the night before--doing my ST challenge workout, working on my Dream Map exercises. Feeling pretty satisfied.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (178,436)
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11/17/16 12:41 A

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I'm feeling better in body and spirit tonight. I remember telling my supervisor that I hadn't been sure in the morning whether I'd make it through the day--upset stomach, nausea, a touch of diarrhea. The symptoms subsided as the day went on, and it felt good to be heard during our meeting. I became aware midday today that my energy was improved. Some of that came from being in a better emotional place, but I think something physical had been affecting my energy and well-being as well. Just glad I'm in a better place.

I took the first step pulling files together; lots more to do, but I have begun!

Also made a tentative appt to take my car in for the first big service (almost 60K). Think I'll combine that with going back to Group Health and ordering a pair of their discount glasses with the new prescription, but without the fancy coating--they are supposed to run about exactly the $150 benefit we get toward glasses. The frames might not look like much, but they would be my at home pair for reading. The ones I ordered at Costco & put into old frames I like will be my work pair for all my computer and document reading.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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11/16/16 11:01 P

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Another teammate asked me about Turkey Day plans. My sister was asking about Thanksgiving during her last visit. I was glad to hear that she doesn't have any energy running about wanting to have a family thing. I'm actually thinking a quiet day with a few favorite foods, but not a big emphasis on eating, would be nice. Some relaxing, some inner work, some outer work, some exercise, maybe a walk if the weather cooperates. I also spent plenty of Thanksgivings on my own when I managed a Waldenbooks, since we always worked late the night before, then opened early the day after. And I never go shopping on Black Friday!

Do you have plans? Is it a holiday you usually celebrate?

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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11/15/16 11:22 P

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After a pretty blue night last night--my status was: "struggling tonight. I'm so tired of supplementing / subsidizing my salary with chipping away at my savings, & of submitting application after application & still being stuck in an unsatisfying job!" I followed that with my own comment: "I know it's up to me to choose--and I don't want to choose misery. I want to choose joy--but it just isn't true for me tonight." But I'm doing better today. Had a pretty good one-on-one meeting with my supervisor who was understanding and sympathetic, as I told her how demoralized I feel about a lot of what's going on.

I'm trying to do a bit more tracking of how I spend my time in the evenings. So I'm using my timer not just for cleaning and sorting sessions, but to see how much time I spend reading, Sparking, playing Spider solitaire, & I'll check out dinner prep and eating too--which I forgot all about last night. I don't always remember, but I'm not expecting to track perfectly--just to start gathering more information, that can in turn inform future choices.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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11/14/16 12:18 A

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Got my hair trimmed today, and when I made my next appointment, looking 6 weeks out, they said "That's Christmas, so do you want to go longer or shorter?" Though I normally get the first Sunday appt, I picked Saturday 12/31, since they had a 12:00 slot open. But I hadn't realized that's how close Christmas is.

Ordered glasses with the new prescription from Costco, putting the lenses in old frames, lowering the cost. Those were the 2-prescriptions back (actually 3, since I didn't get glasses on the last one) pair I carried in my purse. They'll replace my work pair. Think I'll go for the Group Health basic model that just runs the $150 most plans allow, but won't have the anti-glare coating, and probably cheap frames, but I'll have them for at home. Then when I get a better-paying job, I can always get another pair with decent frames and the coating again--or after I save up a little. As it is, it's time to schedule my 60,000 mile maintenance on the car, which will take a chunk of change out of savings. I have pretty much decided I can't afford many gifts this year. I've picked up a couple things, but I'm so tired of taking money out of savings over and over for all the extra expenses. As I've said before, I hate having to supplement my salary with savings.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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11/12/16 11:42 P

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More games and talking today w/ sister. Went shopping at Penney's where we found her a very nice zip-up black cardigan with pockets, at a great sale price, plus a coupon for $10 off. She had been looking at blazers, but the current fashion of short length and flared in back wasn't nearly as flattering as what she bought--with a savings of $30 off (from $48 down to $18)! Then lunch at Ivar's at the mall, back here and got her on her way. Ended up not getting sleepy enough to take the nap I had thought about, but just relaxed and read.

I've done some cleaning & sorting with my timer, and a 40-minute cardio & ST workout from my Coach Nicole DVD. Intend to do another session or 2 on projects before bed. Wishing everyone a great night and Sunday tomorrow!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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11/11/16 10:35 P

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Had a long talk with Tresa--over an hour and a half! Covered many things, got emotional more than once, but feel certain she is a good person to work with. We didn't get into nuts and bolts of do this or that, or even talk numbers that much yet. It was more about what I want and what I think and what may be holding me back, or what is standing in my way. She's very much about wanting to empower women. We have a face-to-face appointment for my staycation in December--also at no charge, surprisingly. My homework for that is to bring a list of successes and skills with money from different parts of my life.

And now my sister is up and visiting. We have done a bunch of talking, had dinner at my local teriyaki/Chinese restaurant, played a game. I realized I hadn't spun or Sparked beyond changing my status this morning, so she's looking at my Desire Map library book while I Spark. More games planned for later!

It was a challenging and emotionally draining day earlier, and now I'm relaxing and having fun with Mary. Sister time is just the best!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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11/10/16 9:53 P

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Reached out last night again to the financial advisor, Tresa, to see if we could have an initial phone consult (as she had suggested a few weeks ago) either Friday morning or Saturday afternoon (before or after Dear Sister's visit). She replied tomorrow @ 11 or Sat @ 2, so I just wrote back asking for tomorrow. I asked a few physical plane questions, then included this note:

It's probably no surprise to you that I'm nervous and scared and excited and curious and happy to be taking a concrete step. I imagine it might be very rewarding for you to be able to help women like me to leave our terror and paralysis behind, and help us become more knowledgeable and confident--as well as more financially secure. I'm really looking forward to embarking on the journey with you!

It's funny to feel all these different things at the same time about all this. But it feels like the right time, and that she is the right person to help me with this. Wish me luck!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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11/9/16 11:25 P

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I cried this morning when I saw the election results, and my daughter asked me "Do we have to start pretending we're not Muslim now?" I'm not sure where she got that idea, though I can't help wondering if it will come to that, if violence against Muslims get more proliffic. I have to say, I am afraid, and a bit heartsore, and feeling somewhat double crossed by the electoral college, as I did after the Gore/Bush campaign. Back then, I was angry. Now I am simply afraid and mournful.

Fortunately, working with children keeps me focused on the here and now, so I didn't have time to wallow. And the kids kept me laughing today. I think they sensed my colleagues and I were sad, because they were all very affectionate today. But I can't help thinking of things like the Black Lives Matter movement when I see some of my boys, and murmuring prayers for their safety. Or whispering Asalaamu Alaykom into the ears of kids whose parents immigrated from Pakistan. I am so saddened to think that their road in life may be made more difficult because of the president.



What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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11/8/16 10:36 P

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I don't want to watch the election coverage. I remember watching entranced 8 years ago, crying tears of happiness when Obama won--such a victory for civil rights, and such a decent man, besides. Not perfect, but who is? And he brought dignity and humbleness to the office, which I fear will be sadly lacking--especially if my biggest fears come to pass. I am afraid of the damage that might be done with a poor pick. I'm doing a lot of praying!

I got my eye exam, and will order my new glasses once pay day gets here. My eye pressure is much improved, which is cool. Also got a flu shot, and my arm is sore, and I'm pretty tired. Thinking I may make soup for dinner, and call it an early night and gather strength for whatever outcome there is to see tomorrow.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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11/8/16 1:16 A

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Gotta admit, a emoticon sounds like fun! Pets can be an expense, but they can also add a great deal of connection and affection to a home as well.

We had a 3 hour meeting for our whole unit, part of a "modern workspace" project for the agency. All of us (we had help from another office), plus a consultant, plus someone from facilities (a big cheese manager), a similar level person from HQ, plus a management analyst from our region, plus a union rep. We talked about the main functions we perform in our space, some of what's not working, some of what we'd really like to see changed. And then we had an exercise going through lots of pictures identifying what we liked and didn't, and pulling from those qualities we would like in our workspace--esthetics, feeling, function. There were a bunch of similarities in qualities we identified with or desired, and those we didn't like. It was an interesting exercise. The question now is what happens next, and will management reverse their all-too-often pattern of asking for ideas & feedback and then ignoring it and never changing things.

Had a late meeting with my manager to share a few more issues I identified to be raised at the management level meeting tomorrow--that I refused to attempt to communicate with the manager who blasted me last week. I think he gets the extreme frustration we experience trying to help our customers with forms that belong to another agency where they've changed the entire system, making it much more complicated for us and adding significantly to our workload, all with inadequate training and support, and for which we hand over all fees to the idiot agency that dumped all this in our laps! (Oh, but that last point is supposedly none of our business; we should leave it up to higher ups to discuss and decide--we're just supposed to be happy we have jobs, and do whatever they tell us to do without question or complaint. Yeah, right.) emoticon (Too bad there's no sneering face, and the tongue sticking out is too much in fun.)

So my mood wasn't great when I got home, but after some reading, I spent time on a number of projects--Desire Map journaling, tarot transcription, ST, sorting, dishes, litter box, handwashing, putting the last of the laundry (socks and hanging clothes) away. I do love my little timer, and chipping away at these bigger goals in tiny little steps. emoticon emoticon emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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11/7/16 12:28 A

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Your day sounds wonderful, especially for Dora! I think you needed a day that was a gift after being treated so poorly at work.

My kids father canceled on them this weekend because he was sick (actually, he saw them for part of Sunday, but had me get them early because he didn't feel well, according to the girls). He tried to demand to see them next weekend, texting me to say that because I got this weekend, he should get them next weekend, and "take them off your hands, since I know it is your birthday". I told him we had plans (Girl Scouts) but he could have them Sunday. He has been sending me nasty texts ever since. Sadly, they are not quite mean enough or plentiful enough for me to report to the police. Not that police take excessive texting very seriously, but at least I can say I tried.

After the girls got home, a neighbor came by and asked if the bunny hopping around the office yard was ours. We told her ours had passed, but then went to see it. Long story short, I now have a new bunny. Thank goodness we kept the cage! It's a cute little thing with white fur and brown spots. We are trying to decide on a name, but we are leaning towards Rosie, since she was eating roses from the office bushes when we found her.

All these financial woes and I take on another pet! I must be crazy!

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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11/5/16 9:12 P

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I received a lovely gift from a emoticon who lives close by. (We had occasionally met and gone walking.) Too much raining for that today, but she had offered to lend a hand with my clutter busting a number of weeks ago. We set a couple tentative dates, but things changed, and she couldn't make it until today. I had thought about what would be most helpful, and realized that to recapture my old computer desk (where I used to sit and work with my old desktop and monitor), I really needed to get rid of my old computer, but just hadn't done the research. So that's what she did, and we ended up taking the cpu, monitor and old printer to Best Buy, where for a $25 fee (for monitors or TVs), they took them off my hands, and I got to watch them take the hard drive out of the computer innards and wallop on it with a hammer. So items that have been sitting around for years, taking up space, are GONE! Hurrah!
emoticon emoticon
Then we went to Bed, Bath and Beyond on an errand for her, and I found a cheap drapery spring rod ($6.99) for the bedroom. Then to Cheryl's house to pick up a kitty condo they wanted to donate. We had to switch from her Charger to a small pickup to fit the 4 foot high tower. Dora is totally digging it. I've gone into the bedroom to find her snoozing on the bottom floor, 2nd floor, (3rd has a big hole in the middle, for passing through), and now she's napping on the top (4th) floor. Cheryl also helped me get the drapery rod up in the long bedroom window where Dora has broken slats on the horizontal blinds, wanting to sit on the sill and look out. Since my bedroom is right by the apartment house walkway, I don't leave the blinds open for anyone walking by to look in. But this way, I can just leave the end by the condo open, while the rest is covered up--by towels right now, but I can pick up some fun small pieces of fabric for possible seasonal "curtains." Could be fun!

What a productive day, hanging with a friend, and getting things done. And now I have room to play with, where I want to create a staging area for files, which I currently have scattered in multiple locations. And Dora has a cool new toy/piece of furniture to explore and have fun with! I feel so blessed.

Edited by: BLESSEDBEING at: 11/6/2016 (21:28)
Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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11/4/16 10:26 P

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Oh, I mentioned drawing the Death card in my Samhain tarot reading in the Context position, which I considered apropos, given that it can signify the death or ending of a relationship (my job) or cycle. Not only was it highly relevant in its position in the spread, but in my Motherpeace round deck of cards, the meaning can alther based on whether the card is mostly upright, reversed (upside down), or tilting right or left. Mine was pointing straight to the right (at 3:00). In Karen Vogel's Motherpeace Tarot Guidebook (where she gives the 4 alternate meanings depending on card position), she describes the message: "She is impatient or struggling to get out of the old skin." That's a big "YEP!"

I wasn't sure I wanted to discuss yesterday's email with my manager that I had found quite upsetting, and finally decided to do so, late in the day. I prefaced with the fact that 2 new questions had come up for me and others, bu that I didn't know if it was too late to submit them, and there was no way I would ever communicate with the other manager directly. He was actually aware of the emails, as she had run her response by him. He suggested she tone it down--and evidently what I read and found offensive was the "toned down" version!

It's a total mockery of the agency goal of becoming an employer of choice when a manager invites questions and then slaps down an employee with divergent views, and takes a condescending tone, and instructs that employee on how she should feel. While I didn't raise this specific point (but still might), it is a hallmark of an abuser to invalidate feelings, or to try to convince another that they either don't or shouldn't feel the way they do. I deeply resent it, and consider it reprehensible in a manager.

And I *really* don't like wasting any more of my precious time and attention on such a petaQ! (That's a guttural Klingon epithet, translating as "One who has no honor"--which I use as an alternative to crude profanity.)

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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11/4/16 12:46 A

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Yeah, I've applied for a few DOL (Dept of Licensing) positions, but like us, their CSS (Customer Service Specialist) pay range isn't great.

I I totally get the overwork leading to tiredness. And when you add on financial strain, it gets tough. As much as I can, I'm trying to stay focused on what I want, and not on all the crap--not always an easy thing, & sometimes quite a struggle (like today). Hope you can get some work relief and eventual relief from the ex stress, too! Hang in there baby!
emoticon
Got what I considered a rather rude response to requested questions concerning issues we are having when we process work for another agency from a higher up. She emailed with a little smiley face that she would pass on my first of 4 questions, then proceeded to basically tell me I had no business thinking, feeling or saying what I had. The underlying message I inferred was "Put up and shut up." Especially given that the questions had been solicited, I was quite offended by her attitude. I had to work pretty hard at various times to not grind on my resentment and frustration, and to remind myself not to let her hijack my joy.

So even though I hadn't planned to do any job hunting tonight, I did read through several postings to see if there were any I might want to go for. I did a 15-minute foam roller "workout" (more of a stretching routine) with J Smith. The 5-minute "booty" workout I tried last night with an early Coach Nicole (mainly bridges w/ variations w/ feel on the roller) had my hamstrings screaming and about to seize up and cramp. I removed it from my workout favorites, since it's way too advanced for me!

Been doing sorting and cleaning timer sessions tonight, which makes certain parts very happy! emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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11/3/16 10:30 A

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It sounds like the proactive steps you are taking to find a new job are helping you to keep centered and looking forward. Have you considered taking a job with DMV? That is considered a rather enviable job out here, and is supposed to pay well.

I have been really tired the last few weeks. I think part of it is Samhain energies, to be honest, and part is just being overworked. I envy your ability to read for yourself. I've never been able to do that, although I can read for other people pretty accurately. I primarily read palms, but I can read tarot as well. Still, I've never been able to read myself, and I am wary of reading for people I know well, but I enjoy reading near strangers. emoticon

I am trying not to put pressure on myself about the job, but things come up, like not having the money to repair the heater or get my roof fixed, and now that we are in a cold, rainy season, it makes it pretty clear that I cannot keep procrastinating. Still, I am hoping to get through the holidays before I find something else.

My ex has been up to his old tricks, texting me like crazy. I've been reporting him to the police, who have started sending reports things on to the local DV agency. They in turn advised me to take screen shots of everything and submit it to the court. Apparently, they have worked with my judge often, and they say she won't look kindly on his behavior.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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11/3/16 12:58 A

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I submitted my county app for District Court Clerk--it's actually another candidate pool, as positions open up at a number of different court locations. One of their few supplemental questions was what my 4 top locations were--I picked 3 in southern King County and the main Seattle court--which is less distance than 2 picks, but would take more time and cost more for parking. But then the bottom of their pay range is $7000 a year more than the top of my pay range (where I'm stuck), and that would pay for a whole lot of parking and other expenses! The posting doesn't close until 11/13, but I wanted to get it in so I can take a short breather, and then start looking at what else I can find.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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11/1/16 10:43 P

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I went to pay my rent on the way back from the library late yesterday afternoon, but discovered I had used the last check. When I came home to get the next book of checks--I discovered there weren't anymore! I've never forgotten to reorder before. So I managed to make it to the bank in time (my shift isn't over until 5:30 & it takes me several minutes to close down and gather everything up and say my good-byes to my best pal), and got a cashier's check for the rent, plus ordered new checks.

Home to work on my county job app for District Court Clerk, and got the news that I made the cut on the fiscal and administrative candidate pool for the county--which means as job openings come up, our applications will be reviewed and those that best match will be invited to interview. And if we decline an opportunity (like if it's way far to the north, requiring traveling through Seattle during rush hour--a horrible prospect), it doesn't make us ineligible for other opportunities. So a big emoticon I just don't know how often opportunities will come up, or if any will be for commutes I would consider acceptable.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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10/31/16 11:48 P

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I woke up feeling run down and kinda blue. I waffled about calling in, finally decided to--the physical and emotional relief were great. I've been getting headaches, and had a bad one this morning. This is not usual for me. I called my health plan to see if I could get my eye exam for just a co-pay. I was pretty sure after the last one, I never got around to buying glasses with the new prescription--I'm thinking that may be the/a source of the headaches. Turns out I haven't had an eye exam in at least 2 years, so my prescription is bound to be different. I'll call and make an appointment from work when I can check coverage and make sure it will be approved.

In addition to a lot of rest, I did a bunch of reading and writing in The Desire Map. I've gotten into the workbook half of it, doing writing/journaling exercises as a precursor to articulating my core desires. A very valuable resource. I have quotes I'll be sharing.

I did my Samhain tarot reading, and no surprise: the Context card as I call it was Death, (with the image of a snake shedding its skin--a symbol of one thing dying away and something new being reborn). I had been reflecting how I am ready to say good-bye to this job, this place, this "career" (and the hopes I used to have for it), and allow it to die, so that I can find a rebirth elsewhere in a much healthier environment. I'll have to read and study on the other cards to gain their meaning and significance, but that one was a big "Duh!"

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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10/30/16 10:34 P

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I had a really productive Saturday, even with a late start--after sleeping ~ 10 hours! (My normal is 7, so that was *very* rare for me: I really was tired on Friday!) Did laundry, finished my cover letter for the District Court Clerk position (first draft at least), did some work in the Dream Map book, several timer sessions, a 30-minute cardio & ST workout on the Coach Nicole DVD, then later did my first stability ball workouts from Spark TV--and boy do I feel that core workout in my upper abs!! emoticon

Today's been extremely low energy after all that productivity. Woke up ~ 4 am from a disturbing dream, couldn't get back to sleep, so made my morning coffee and read, then napped for a hour around 9. Barely dragged myself to grocery shopping (3 stores) around 1, returning ~3:30. Laid down, not thinking I would actually sleep, but woke ~5, finally feeling less lethargic. Prepping veggies for tomorrow's potluck. In the mood for some more exercise. Hoping I sleep OK tonight.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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10/29/16 9:38 P

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I can really only recommend taking babysteps. I admit it concerns me to hear you saying "I think I am going to just have to suck it up and do all of it." That sounds like a lot of pressure.

Same with exercise. Fitting in 5 or 10 minutes a few days a week is a way to start. You can search for workouts on Spark TV and arrange them from shortest to longest. Or maybe do a search for Spark articles with 5 minutes or 10 minutes in the title. When I do the 28-day challenge (you can see the link on my page, with my teams), I usually only do one set of the 6 exercises for that day. I record reps and weights in a journal so I can see what I did before; sometimes I increase the next time, sometimes I don't.

Hope you, and all the SAssies, have a great weekend!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 1,239
10/29/16 3:42 P

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Congratulations on your team win! I'm sure you will put the fitness materials to good use.

This was an exhausting week. The theme was Halloween for the week. I tried to keep it age appropriate, but the director told me and the 4 year old teacher that there were some parents commenting that kids were having nightmares. Then the director went through our bags of library books to make sure we were getting things that were appropriate, and the 4 year old teacher took it very personally. Unfortunately, it also meant that the kids were really keyed up this week. Add 3 days of rain that kept us indoors, and an after hours (mandatory) Halloween party, and I was completely wiped out.

It occurs to me that I might have more energy if I started exercising more regularly. It's a conundrum. How do I get enough energy to exercise, which will then give me enough energy.

I know that I need to take steps to find something else that pays better soon, but I really have come to love my job. So I am procrastinating. And that means I avoid talking to my Mom, because she wouldn't be happy about that, and that also makes me sad. I think I am going to just have to suck it up and do all of it.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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10/28/16 11:56 P

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So tired after work. Went by the library, picked up a couple fun magical cozy mysteries to re-read. Doing tiny clean-up projects with my trusty timer, and reading in between. Just don't have it in me to work hard tonight. But I'm looking forward to expending effort and being productive tomorrow.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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10/28/16 12:58 A

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I was happy I got my 6 Halloween cards in the mail today. They *might* get to their various destinations (California, Oregon, Washington, Hawaii, Tennessee) by Monday--at least a few. And I have the work ones ready to hand deliver tomorrow.

The big box of Summer Jam jerseys arrived yesterday afternoon, and I got time today to go through the alphabetical list of participants and note the size, since they came in size bundles from small to 4X. Then I went through and wrote B, S or T next to the name, depending on whether they are in the Bellevue, Seattle or Tukwila office. As I went through each size bundle, I counted to confirm all were present, attached a small sticky note with the person's name to the label, then added it to the office stack. There were about 30 in all. I found one supervisor who's headed to the Bellevue office tomorrow, and she took the Bellevue box. Haven't found a courier for the Seattle box yet. And over half the Tukwila shirts have been distributed.

I woke up in the wee hours with a leg cramp last night, so did a couple stretch routines after work. Also worked on the District Court app, and did a couple short sorting sessions with the timer. Checked on distance and travel time to this year's Shafer Ladies gathering the first Saturday in December, and passed those on to my sister to discuss plans.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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10/27/16 12:18 A

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They put out their annual agency-wide survey to find out "how we're doing" on Goal 5 (the last of 5 agency goals)--making our agency "an employer of choice." It's anonymous, though you identify your program (in my case Customer Service) and region. And boy, did I tell them just how badly they're doing. Almost every answer was in the middle to bottom (negative). And in the last 4 where we could write out responses, I *really* let them have it.

I think they were rather alarmed with the low scores from our region last year, and I'm guessing they've gone down even further. There is so much unhappiness. Wonder if we'll get the bigwigs coming out again this year to make excuses and keep saying "we're looking into that" and "we'll discuss that and get back to you."

I worked more on my cover letter to the county for the district court clerk pool, which pays *so* much more than what I make. I will keep praying that I find something that will pay better, have less stress, and be better managed. Enjoyed my Coach Nicole cardio sculpt workout tonight, and the last of my Chinese leftovers with extra veggies for dinner.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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10/26/16 12:13 A

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I realize I hadn't told y'all that much about this year's Summer Jam--our agency's longest running fitness/wellness campaign. I was Regional team captain again for the 4th year, maybe? It's our only competitive campaign, lasting 6 weeks, where you track steps and/or fitness minutes (times intensity), and the per person point average determines team placement. The agency is divided into 2 leagues, one for Central Office--the various floors and buildings, and one for the regions, of which there are 6. We've been a solid 3rd place for the last several years, always falling behind Regions 5 and 6 who go back and forth, and sometimes tie for 1st place. This year we were mostly in 3rd, occasionally in 2nd, and then out of the blue, ended up in first place! emoticon

Our whole team gets free shirts--baseball jersey style, with the gorgeous logo for this year. Hope I can show y'all a picture of it when they arrive. There have always been drawings for prizes each week, but this year they spent less on the random prizes, and for the first time offered prizes to each team captain--which we found out about at the end, so it wasn't an incentive to volunteer. There was a choice between 2 fancy electronic fitness toys--or you could opt for an alternative fitness gift with an approximate value of $100. So I researched and found a bunch of things I don't have, that were all well under $100: a step platform, a stability ball with pump, a foam roller, and Spark DVDs. I was delighted when the Wellness rep who led and coordinated the Jam told me I could have them all. Friday a big and small box got delivered, and I brought home and opened the step platform, ball and pump and 2-disc Coach Nicole DVD set. It wasn't until I got in Monday that I saw this strange cylinder sitting on the mail counter, and realized the foam roller made it after all--I had just missed it. I've used the platform and DVDs so far, and just love that I have practical gifts that I will get great use out of.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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10/23/16 11:36 P

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Sending emoticon and emoticon support. So emoticon for the stress of the ex's antics, and that people fall for what he's dishing out. Reminding people of the abuse and the restraining order, and that you deserve to be left in peace, and that he has repeatedly proved he cannot be trusted no matter what sob stories he tells or games he plays, is really all you can do. And of course to keep putting your focus on you and your daughters, and not on him. He has no right to hijack your joy, however much he may want to and try to. As much as you can, keep asking yourself "What do I need, and what can I do, to be happy?"

Woke up once last night and took the longest time to get back to sleep. So I ended up sleeping late and getting a late start to the day. Got in a good workout, went grocery shopping, hennaed my hair, did some sorting sessions. My energy's flagging now, will try to make it an early night. Wishing a great week to all!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 1,239
10/23/16 5:48 P

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I'm sorry I haven't written much lately. It was an unusually stressful week. My ex husband, who seems to think we are getting back together, called my former religious leader (whose wife is an good friend) and asked him to counsel us so we could get back together. Unfortunately, my friend's husband was open to that and called me, apparently forgetting that there are abuse issues involved. It was left to me to explain that there is a restraining order in place, and that there were mental issues at play. I also advised him that he should separate himself from the situation, as my ex would undoubtedly get nasty if he didn't get his way. Since then, I've gotten some pretty awful texts, and called the police. Unfortunately I talked to one of the officers that feels sympathy for him, believing the "poor immigrant who doesn't understand the restraining order" tale. I was livid, and felt really powerless.

Other than that, work has been frenetic. I'm not sure why, but the children have been really ramped up, energy wise. I wish I could say the same. My diet has suffered, I'm afraid, and I've eaten too many carbs. I had a potluck Saturday for Girl Scouts, so I had some sugar then, but controlled myself. Today has been harder as there is a halloween party, but I will try to walk a lot so the energy from exercising can help me combat cravings.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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10/23/16 12:41 A

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I was really glad my sister came up Friday for a visit, since I found out late-ish that afternoon that I wasn't selected for the trainer/lead position. I'm not even certain whether they've made their final decision or not. I don't know who they think is better qualified than I am to take on the challenge. And this cements my perception that they are rather clueless about what is really needed, an incapable of recognizing and appreciating all that I offer.

So after braving the rains, Mary arrived and we went out for Chinese, both bringing home leftovers. Played some games and talked late, then this morning played another game while I enjoyed my morning coffee. Then we got around and went to the mall to spend Mary's birthday money. The JC Penney's up here has a very extensive Women's section, and we found Mary 3 really nice tops in very different colors. She was wanting some more professional clothes for her new job where she interacts more with the public in person. We did a good job, and they look great on her. Then upstairs to the food court where we both got shrimp Caesar salads (no croutons) at Ivar's, with their fantastic limited time Cajun shrimp poppers--Yummy! Then back to Penney's where I found some new athletic shoes for standing and walking at work--nothing fancy, just comfy, good support, and black, so they'll look OK with my work clothes.

I've been doing a bunch of 15-minute cleaning and sorting and reading sessions, plus some exercise as well. Feeling productive, connected with a couple friends, oh and I've printed 3 different job postings. One I actually found Friday night with King County which pays a lot better than the state--I'm going to work on that one first. I would love to find something better, give my 2 weeks' notice and walk out without a backward glance. We shall see.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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10/21/16 12:03 A

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Managed to do a little catching up on one project at work, entered a bunch of checks that came in by mail the last few days, in between customers. One of our last customers got very angry and kept raising his voice and going on and on about how wrong we were and how unfair we were being. I finally called the supervisor to let her know we had a tense situation that she needed to be aware of. I finally took my afternoon break around 4:20 or :25, and he was still there, though calmer when I returned. My friend Melanie who is a very strong woman, and grew up with brothers managed to talk him down, and was interfacing with the Electrical Licensing section in headquarters who had told him to come to our office to finish renewing, which he hadn't been able to do online. Unfortunately they hadn't checked his records or told him that he would have an inactive card until he took all his 48 CEUs--which he kept insisting he didn't have to take. He finally left, but was hanging in the parking lot. Mel talked to the Electrical supervisor, then called the customer to explain what she had learned, and to let him know that he had to deal with that supervisor, since we have no power to change the rules or requirements at our level.

I told both the young woman working with him (our newest, smallest and youngest coworker) that I was completely impressed with how calm she remained. She kept so cool through it all. I also bragged on her to the supervisor, who shared that with her. I was tense, and just kept trying to take care of my customers through all his venting and muttering, though it was hard to concentrate, and at times my customers gawked at him as much as they listened to me. I was glad my little coworker left with one of our two male team members. And the supervisor asked us if we'd like her to wait and go out with us. I said I would appreciate it, as I was parked out front--as was she. And Mel, who parks in the back (we're the ones who don't leave until 5:30), drove to the front and made sure we were both safe in our cars. We didn't expect him to be there still, or be violent, but it was unsettling enough to want to take the extra precautions.

Here at home I did a little sorting from the dining table, and made up some comfort soup for dinner. Oh and I made plans with sister who is coming up tomorrow for a sleepover and shopping on Saturday, since the weather was so bad last weekend, causing us to postpone our plans.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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10/19/16 11:55 P

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Yesterday I went by the credit union to make my car loan payment after work. I had meant to swing by Target for a couple items, but was *so* tired, I just came home. The main thing I did was to chop a head of red cabbage for salads before making one for dinner, and prepping the veggies to add to the one for today's lunch.

Luckily I felt more energetic today after work. Ran by the library to return books and pick up 2 ready items--a book and a DVD I waited months for--Joy. I started it tonight, but am finding it very weird and off-putting so far, with no characters I really like or relate to. Maybe the heroine will grow on me. If not I'll return it unfinished.

Had a unit meeting of a couple hours today: a mixed bag of complaints, feedback, plans. Had to take my successes where I could find them, like the caller I helped by spending a rather long time looking up an electrician for her (not only unlicensed, but with a citation from 2014 he never paid for either advertising or doing work without a license), and then teaching her how to look up information on her own. I like educating customers that way by phone when I can explain which web page to go to and what links to use. Despite some language issues and needing to spell things out occasionally, we got along fine, and she was extremely grateful. She even asked to speak to my supervisor to brag on me--which was very sweet of her. My supe gladly shared the gist of her feedback, and added her own compliments on a job well done. emoticon and here's a gold star for me! emoticon

Oh, and I've done a couple 5-minute sorting sessions and done some ST, too. Planning some stretching a little later--so already more on those fronts than yesterday. emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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10/18/16 12:10 A

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I made up for yesterday's lack of sorting and timer sessions with quite a few tonight--cleaning, living room sort, table sort. The progress isn't that noticeable on the sorting--though the cleaning looks really different after just 5 minutes!--but I feel strong and proud when I invest the time in improving my environment.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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10/16/16 8:50 P

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Taking care of yourself is so important. I realized this morning that I just felt tired. And while I would like to have felt very productive, I needed to take it easy and relax and build up my energy for the week. I did get gas & groceries at Costco, then more emoticon at Safeway and Trader Joe's. I got the cold stuff put away, but still have some of the rest to take care of. I tried to catch a nap, but couldn't fall asleep, so made my afternoon coffee, and now I'm dragging a bit.

Not yet sure what all I will get to tonight. Did some easy working out, and may do more yet. Have a safe and satisfying evening, and a great start to your week, my friends!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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10/16/16 7:32 P

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The kids were at their father's this weekend, so I did quite a bit of laundry. I have one more load to do, but that may wait til later in the week, as I am not moving much today.

I'm having a few issues with getting my licence to sub, and my divorce. Both require taking time off work. Add in that I will need to take time off next month for court, and that I need to get my heater repaired (spending money and taking time off work) and things are looking a bit scary.

So today I am trying to rest, and let myself heal. I'm not getting any exercise, but I am eating fairly reasonably (too many carbs from eating toast with my soup, but no sugar, so I consider that a win). So while my weight loss has stalled a bit, I felt it was really necessary to rest, especially as it is storming outside. So I'm watching a lot of HGTV and cooking shows, and made a trip to the library. But other than that, I'm not moving much.



What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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10/15/16 11:59 P

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Read late last night, so slept in a bit today, journaled, put in a couple timer sessions, then started laundry--3 loads down and back up to the 1st floor laundry room (from my 3rd floor apartment, plus over to the card machine to add money & check in the office on my maintenance request (bathroom sink barely draining) which should happen Monday. Finished just before noon, read some more and took a nap. I was just doing some Spark challenge exercises when the power flickered, then went off. Since it was late afternoon, I wondered how to use the remaining light, and read on the balcony for a bit, then decided to pull together some dinner.

Made up some TJ's boxed risotto this morning with add onion, red pepper, mushroom, Italian parsley, sausage, canned diced tomatoes and frozen spinach--plus garlic, basil and pepper. Had thought of heating leftovers with more veggies for dinner originally, but shredded arugula, chopped cucumber, tossed in shredded carrots & diced red cabbage, then added some of the cold risotto mixture, added a few sliced green olives for a whatever salad. I did the chopping and mixing in the fading evening light on the balcony and started eating there until the rain spray started blowing enough to be felt. Lit a nice big candle, used my ever charged flashlight to change the batteries in an old Waldenbooks booklight I recently found during a sorting session, and read my book, and ate dinner in the dark. I had just about finished the epilogue when the lights came back on--yahoo!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (178,436)
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10/14/16 10:59 P

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How nice of you to step up. Any chance you might find another person or 2 to "co-lead" with you, so nobody would have the full responsibility, but you could share duties or rotate or something?

I know when I was teaching we had some favorite subs that were often used at our school. It was convenient for them, and they got to know a lot of the students and families. I admire you for it! Subbing can be a real challenge. I'll be praying that things work out the way you want.

What steps, time period remain to finalize the divorce? I'm really praying for you there! emoticon

On the thank you emails, I mentioned one of the questions that I had been continuing to think about, and added some of my thoughts. (Not sure if they'll care about or take into account anything that didn't get said in the official interview.) Then I made a humorous comment about how I just can't turn off my thinking and planning. Which may impress them--or not. I never know. I'll light another candle tonight and pray for abundance, recognition of what I offer, good fortune, and the right opportunity to manifest and bear fruit.

The phone interview did not go smoothly. This is the first time they've posted an open candidate pool, and gone through the process. Turns out they greatly underestimated the time it would take to do these phone interviews, so they were running more than a half hour late. After spending more than 30 minutes waiting, making my coffee and my salad, even looking up an email contact for the county HR dept & sending a message, I finally bundled up and took my lunchtime walk around the block. The call finally came then, and she left a message. I returned the call and she offered to reschedule, but I went ahead and answered the questions. Ran over on lunch, but made it up by staying a little late. Some pretty standard questions about work habits and customer service experiences. I'll hear later if I will "pass" and be approved to be contacted when openings come up. I'm glad I asked whether I would be dropped if I ever decline pursuing an opening (like if it's at the other end of the county), but was assured that wouldn't be the case. It's a good idea for saving applicants and hiring personnel time where we don't have to submit documents over and over for each position, and they don't have to read the same information over and over either.

The weather's been so nasty and threatening today that my sister decided not to drive up after work for a sleepover and Saturday shopping. I assured her I totally understood not wanting to be stuck driving in horrid conditions, and while I'll miss the fun we would have had, I'm sure I will enjoy the unexpected free time.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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10/14/16 10:14 A

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I've never led Girl Scouts before, but my daughters Cadette group was going to be canceled if no one stepped up, so I agreed. I think I may have bitten off more that I can chew. These girls are incredibly intelligent and well informed, but still learning how to discuss things respectfully, and a bit cliqu-ish.

I'm working towards finalizing my divorce and getting my liscence to be a substitute teacher by the new year. I'm nervous about being a sub because it's not steady work, but I am told that in this district I am likely to be called daily.

I hope your follow up emails work out. Keeping my fingers crossed for you!

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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10/13/16 10:52 P

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Sorry work is so nuts. Have you led a Girl Scout troop before? What's up with this one? Glad you enjoyed the Pumpkin Patch.

Shoot, I just reread my post from yesterday--and realized I haven't drafted the follow up emails to the interview. One question in particular has been bothering me, and I want to respond more fully since I've had a chance to ponder on it. Soup cooking now. I'll see about working on them afterward.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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10/13/16 10:27 A

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You sound as busy as I have been!

Work has been insane, My boss looked at me sympathetically yesterday because we had one teacher call out, and so I had to teach the class with the younger set, while the other teacher took a few of my older ones (the ones that were potty trained) to her class. I ended up with 14 two year olds, 6 of whom are known for "difficult" personalities.

We had our first Girl Scout meeting on Saturday. I'm not sure I'm going to like leading this troop.

On Sunday we went to the Pumpkin Patch in Anderson. It was a lovely day, and we had a lot of fun. I walked a lot, so I ate some junk food without guilt (Being 2 hours away, I was sort of limited to fast food).

The up shot is: I'm tired.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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10/12/16 11:52 P

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I'm glad the interview is over! I have no idea how I compared to others, off course. Some questions I felt confident about, others I really didn't. I hate the hypotheticals about how I'd deal with this or that staff issue, since I don't know all the administrative policies or union contract. I'll just have to see if my clarity around the training aspect will make up for the areas where I was probably weak.

I get out thank yous tomorrow, and start focusing on catching up with other areas and projects that have been somewhat neglected lately.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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10/11/16 12:24 A

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The one I know I want to see is Hacksaw Ridge, coming out on Nov. 4. The IMDb description says "WWII American Army Medic Desmond T. Doss, who served during the Battle of Okinawa, refuses to kill people and becomes the first Conscientious Objector in American history to be awarded the Medal of Honor."

Another one that looked exciting is Passengers, due out 12/21. IMDb says "A spacecraft traveling to a distant colony planet and transporting thousands of people has a malfunction in its sleep chambers. As a result, two passengers are awakened 90 years early." That doesn't do the previews justice which crackled with suspense, danger and huge special effects.

Oh, I got notification that I'm moving forward on the King County Administrative & Fiscal Specialist Pool application I sent. The next step is a 15-minute phone interview, which I've scheduled for early Friday afternoon, during my lunchtime. I really hope they'll make the right choice and offer me the CSS3. But if they don't, I want to put even more energy into getting out. Counting state, county, city and community college applications, I've submitted 50 since January 2014.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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10/10/16 12:09 A

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Melanie and I had fun at the same movie, just 30 miles north (or so). And we saw *bunches* of previews--one got a "H*** no!" from me, some strong maybes, and one that had me tearing up was a definite yes. Mel leaned over and said "maybe we can see that one next month." It was so nice to spend time outside of work just having fun, eating lunch and chatting into the afternoon, when I realized I'd have to scurry to get my errands done. After groceries, got to the library 5 minutes before closing! Again, it was sweet to hang out with a friend and just relax. We both want to try this on a regular basis.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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10/8/16 9:22 P

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I've had a busy day working on my interview documents, specifically a 2-page addendum to the 6-page training plan for new employees that was part of my original application packet, plus a sheet enumerating various talents and strengths that make me an excellent choice.

I've done some cardio, ST and stretching, and some sorting also. I checked in with my friend from work to finalize plans to catch The Magnificent 7 tomorrow, and purchased the tickets online. Because we're going to the first showing, before 12, we'll be saving quite a bit, even adding in the Fandango service charge.

I had planned to do laundry also, but let time get away from me. There's a steady rain falling, making a soft, whispering sound, and it's creating a nice misty look to the falling dusk. I've been enjoying my latest Psychic Eye novel during my many breaks today. I'll be throwing together another tortellini salad with the last of those leftovers. Breakfast was the last of that kitchen sink potato salad.

Wishing everyone a fun and productive rest of their weekend!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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10/7/16 12:28 A

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I did better at work. I finished the 2 wage complaints left over from Monday and Tuesday, and got 2 new ones. But I spent the time I wasn't answering phones, helping customers or inventorying and ordering envelopes to catch up on scanning the oldest business license applications from August.

The Elevator inspectors had an all day meeting and training, and they had extra food from their catered lunch which they kindly shared with Customer Service. I brought home some tortellini pesto salad, which I plan to toss with extra veggies emoticon (of course) for lunch tomorrow.

Used my timer emoticon tonight for 5 minutes of living room sorting, 5 of dining table top sorting and 5 of cleaning. It may sound scattered or silly to some folks, but I love the whole babysteps energy. emoticon Laughed myself silly over that Teddy Roosevelt quote I shared on the wall; I got it from the Funny Quotes tab on the Brainy Quote website.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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10/5/16 11:47 P

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I was so exhausted last night after work! I had told my supervisor that I didn't see how we can keep up this constant and vain scrambling to try to keep up with an utterly impossible--and inequitable workload. And my energy crashed to the point that mostly shut down last night. I think I did a little exercise and a 5-minute sorting session, but mostly read and Sparked for a while.

I had to stay home today to build my energy back up. My big win today was to contact the financial planner Katie recommended as someone who was highly regarded. I didn't feel up to calling--emotions too strong and close to the surface--so I emailed, and got a compassionate reply. It won't work to see her after my upcoming interview (she's in Bellevue, the same city; traffic's pretty horrible getting there and back), so I'll try to get something else scheduled. Oh, and she mentioned some you tube videos I'll try to check out. Here's the link to her website. I like what she says on the home page, and the ones on Philosophy and About Tresa: www.myfinancialdesign.com/

I also used up a bunch of ingredients to make some kitchen sink potato salad, which I had for dinner. Plenty left for at least another meal or 2 emoticon After all the emotional energy today, I'll just do some reading and a little cleaning, and make it an early night, then back to the salt mines tomorrow. emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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10/4/16 12:07 A

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Our workload has gotten even more strained with a big minimum wage case that is bringing in large numbers of wage complaints. Some of the cities passed higher minimum wage ordinances within their cities, including around the airport, but some large employers like the biggest car rentals didn't start paying it right away--in fact they resisted paying the higher rate until 1-3/4 years had passed. Now bunches of employees are filing for back wages owed for 20 months, and sometimes bringing in weekly pay stubs that we must copy and date stamp. Then the requirement is to enter the information into the computer system (at times trying to decipher truly bad handwriting and poor English) within 3 days, generate letters, and scan everything into the virtual files. And because our office is closest to the airport, they are almost all coming to our office to submit the complaints, just like the majority of taxi drivers did when they were required to pay into the workers comp fund--which ended more than a year ago. We used to get assigned a wage complaint every few weeks, but we're now getting several a week, sometimes more than one a day--and this is in addition to an already existing workload we can't keep up with. Quite demoralizing. Oh, and there's budget woes, so the 2 positions we recruited and interviewed for have never been filled. So much for their claims of we know you're overworked, and we'll help fix that. Sigh.

But even though I was tired when I got home, after doing some reading to relax, I used my little timer and put in several cleaning and sorting sessions, as well as getting a small head of red cabbage chopped for adding to salads--I just love that dark purple color in my dinner and lunch salads! emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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10/2/16 8:38 P

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Yes, I'm checking jobs in King County (where I live) and Thurston County (where I want to live).

The 4th Quarter Challenge is whatever each person wants to make it. My main area is going to be getting my living room space attractive and functional, so there's room on the floor to exercise, so I have accessible homes for my journaling and reading and emotional/spiritual work, and the coffee table is cleared off so I have a place to put my holiday tree and some fun decorations.

I want to do something relative to connections and adventures, like planning excursions & get togethers with friends--but I haven't really figured that one out yet.

Thanks for your question, Amy. I'm going to post the above on my 3 teams where I've started a challenge thread.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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10/2/16 12:49 P

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Are you looking outside your area for work? Maybe in another county?

I'm interested in the 4th Quarter Challenge...will it be diet and exercise, or other things as well?

I tried your technique of setting timers to get my house clean. I decided to focus on deep cleaning rather than clutter. I managed to get the front rooms cleaned up (though still cluttered) and will focus on the bathroom and 1 bedroom today. I may even try to fit some actual exercise today! I will also have to do grocery shopping, lesson planning, and girl scout planning.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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10/1/16 11:37 P

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Glad you have found a helpful mantra. Any thought that can help you stay focused on the experience you want can be a godsend. (Goddessend just doesn't have the same ring!) emoticon on the loss and the maintenance. (I'm thrilled with maintenance; it gives me confidence that I can keep the extra weight off.) And I know my stress level also affects my weight. Heavy thoughts and moods often lead to a gain, while I can drop back down when I can release some of the pent up feelings and negativity.

Glad you could give your daughter a good reason to not do something she didn't want. I'll be praying with you for supervised visitation as well. Wishing you the best always, Amy!

Well, I heard the very next day I'm not being considered further for the position I just applied for. So I'll be checking the state, county, city and college sites to see if anything appeals. And I'll be working on preparing for the interview for the CSS3 position with my agency on 10/12.

I've been posting on other threads the last couple days, including starting a new thread for the 4th Quarter Challenge. Even if nobody else is interested, I want to start thinking about mid-range goals and aspirations.

I've been trying to balance activities again today. I've done a few 15-minute sorting sessions, some 5-minute cleaning sessions--which led to reclaiming my stovetop OO that had been sadly buried since 6-Pack. Did the 3 parts of Coach Nicole's barre workout. Broke for meal prep, took a nap, Sparked, and have been re-reading Victoria Laurie's Psychic Eye series again (finished 1st book, now started the 2nd). Have a haircut appt tomorrow, and must get groceries. I thought I'd do that today, but have managed to create kitchen-sink meals using up a number of on-hand ingredients.

Wishing everyone a restful night and a fabulous Sunday!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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10/1/16 8:12 P

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I am keeping my fingers crossed for your new job! Hope it comes sooner rather than later!

I've been investigating substitute teaching again. My biggest worry is that I wouldn't be called often enough to make it financially smart to make the move. Apparently, how well you can control a classroom is a big factor in how often you are called. When I subbed for private school, this wasn't much of an issue, because the classes were so small. I have difficulty contolling the class I have now, but that is largely because they are a group of 2 year olds (only 2 of the kids in my 3-year-old class are actually 3 years old), and 2 year olds are notoriously hard to control.

I read this great quote "Discipline is the difference between what you want, and what you want right now." It's become a bit of a mantra, and it's kept me from getting into sugar and desserts. (Except last night, when the girls were with their dad, so I indulged in getting some teriyaki chicken. Of course it has sugar, but I didn't allow it to go beyond that meal. Yay Me!) I put that quote on the game board I made for my weight loss. I lost 4 pounds since I started, but maintained this week, so I am a little nervous that things aren't going to change much.

My 11 year old daughter just called me (she's with her father) and said "Daddy wanted me to ask you if it was okay to buy me pepper spray so I could defend myself." Poor kid sounded miserable. She loves where we live, even though it's not a great area of town, and her father always talks as though we get attacked by homeless people daily. I told her to hold on while I googled the laws regarding pepper spray, then told her it was illegal for her to carry it under age 18. She was so relieved to be able to give her father a reasonable excuse!

Goddess, I hope the next time we see the mediator they put him back on supervised visitation!

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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9/30/16 12:15 A

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I got the application for a Forms and Records Analyst 1 at the Dept of Health finished and submitted--did it in 2 days!! emoticon Their pay range must be just one above us, because it goes a little higher. It might make them less inclined to hire me, as they'd have to pay me at the top of the range. But I'm assuming there would be opportunities to rise eventually to a FRA 2 or beyond.

Now that I have an interview scheduled for the CSS3 position, I want to do some more brainstorming and revising of the training plan I submitted with my application that I can present at the interview. And a coworker I spent time with in the computer lab this morning kindly consented to act as a peer reference--something the DOH application requested.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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9/28/16 11:52 P

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I was waffling on whether to go for a new application--due tomorrow night. When I reviewed it after work today, I decided yes. I think I have a good shot at the CSS3 position at my current agency, but if I don't get an offer, I want to keep looking. And the supplemental questions for this new one only ask about the computer skills I'm quite good at--not the ones where my skills are shaky. So I drafted the cover letter a little while ago.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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9/28/16 12:08 A

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As I blogged tonight, I gave myself a strong talking to--not to make my feelings of last night wrong, but countering with a different way to look at things. It was extremely helpful. My parts amaze and delight me at times. When I shared a few special journal entries with Katie last week, I had her both laughing and tearing up. It always tickles me that she has a great appreciation for the gifts and interactions of my parts as well.

So yes, I used the timer tonight, just for a couple of 5-minute sessions--one cleaning, one sorting. But as my Nike part ("Just do it!) reminds me often, some is better than none--as in "I don't care how little we do at a time! I just want us to do something!!" emoticon Yeah, that can be her. Though she can surprise me by showing a mature and compassionate side too--which is where Katie teared up just a tad.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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9/26/16 11:56 P

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As I put in my status, I'm kind of bummed. I had a vision for what I wanted to put in some of my sorter cubby holes in the living room, and started moving stuff around. But in clearing out what was there, now their access is sort of blocked. Looks like it's going to take a lot more effort and time, and for now, it's harder to reach stuff I use a lot! emoticon I'm discouraged, but trying to honor the effort to make a positive change.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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9/25/16 9:32 P

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So sorry you were sick. Hope you are feeling much better! And I always figure the Goddess knows our hearts and doesn't get as caught up as we do about "not doing it (a ritual or observance) right." The soup sounds good! emoticon

I am totally loving this book, and recommend it highly! Bless Katie, she sent me 2 referrals for financial planning--one a general lookup of trained professionals in your area, the other a woman who belongs to that professional group who Katie said is highly recommended. I bookmarked them both. When I checked the individual's website, I teared up--it felt right, as she works with women to get us over that "I don't know what to do" place. She's a little ways away, in Bellevue--where the CSS lead position is located. Hmm!

Did 3 loads of laundry today plus groceries. Just finished a intensive cardio/ST workout with Coach Nicole that got me sweating!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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9/24/16 10:45 P

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It sounds like you had a busy few days!

I was not as prepared for Mabon as I usually like to be as I just hadn't had the energy to clean house. The morning of the equinox, I found out why: I came down with the flu. Honestly, this was the kind of kick you in the butt, take no prisoners flu. As a result, I missed a total of 3 days at work. I'm a little worried about that, but it makes me think that getting into the school district is important: it is the only way as a teacher that I am likely to make enough to be able to retire, or take sick days, or feel secure. The thing about subbing though, is that there is no guarantee how often you will get requested. It all depends on how well you can control a class. And I'm a little unsure about that with older kids.

I am really interested in the book you recommended, The Desire Map. I am never 100% sure that I am having normal human emotional reactions to situations, since I was so emotionally shut down for so long.

My daughter Sara admitted today that she was jealous that her sister started learning to cook from their father when she was 7, but he still tells her she's too young at age 8. So tonight we made soup together. Technically it was potato cheddar, with beef sausage thrown in in lieu of ham, but we added diced carrots and celery for fiber. It was really quite good, and she learned about making a roux, so her sister was a bit jealous.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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9/24/16 10:11 P

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[replying to a member on another team who is just coming back after a tough time away]
I don't know if your library system would have the book The Desire Map, but it might speak to you in its discussion of negative and positive emotions, and finding your core desires and finding ways to feed them, even when life isn't going great or you are working toward those necessary life goals. I know it's speaking loud and clear to me right now.

I met up with a Spark Friend, the one who provided my cat sitting at half the cost of the professional company I had found to replace my dearly loved but retired sitter. We walked for almost 2 hours very close by here, just talking the whole time. I love my virtual community here on Spark, especially on the BBs, but it sure is nice to spend face-to-face time with a friend! And I'm over 14,000 steps today!

[PS, I discuss the book in the What are you reading? thread]

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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9/24/16 12:11 A

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I knew a novel had come in at the library, but when I went after work, I found the referral from Katie had also arrived: The Desire Map. I started reading it right away. The first half is theory, the second half practical application. I'm eager to try some of the exercises.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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9/22/16 11:15 P

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Thoroughly enjoyed the most recent Heather Webber Lucy Valentine novel that I read last night. She also writes 2 series as Heather Blake, all with paranormal aspect--the Blake ones are more magical; Lucy is more mundane, though she has psychic abilities. I just like the way Heather writes, and her characters, regardless of which name she is penning under.

On my walks today at work, in the lovely fall weather, I prayed around some of the issues I discussed with Katie--how I want so much more than just more money and a better job & less clutter: I dearly want more joy, more connection, more passion, more fun! And I want to use and express my gifts in powerful and pleasing ways. So I'm praying for guidance around what to do, the next step to take--and also for help removing the seen and unseen blocks that stand in my way.

Did a nice little Equinox ritual after work--and didn't leave it until after dinner, when I can get tired and rushed--though Dora kept wanting to chew on the wheat stalks I had as decoration. I've never had to keep shooing her away from my altar area before during a Tarot reading. Had some disturbing cards come up, but they may be referring to those blocks I'm wanting to clear out.

Hope you are enjoying the new season, and your place in this cycle of life and the turning of the wheel of the year. emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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9/22/16 12:10 A

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Hey, sounds great! Good luck with the substituting search!

Had a good session. Turns out it was my last that was approved by Group Health. We're going to discuss the possibility of continuing on an occasional basis at a reduced fee. Another reason to want a decent salary so I can afford important things like therapy when I want it, not just when I desperately need it.

Got some good resources from her including a book, The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte, which I've reserved at my library. On the way home I stopped by Costco for 3 food items and a bottle of glucosamine chondroitin. I had take it for years, then a while ago picked up glucosamine without the chondroitin to save money. But I've been having some knee pain and stiffness, so decided to see if the combination supplement will help with that. Managed a bit of sorting & cleaning tonight, but I'm emotionally tired--in a good way, so think I'll just finish my book and go to bed.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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9/22/16 12:02 A

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Blessed Mabon!

I'm working on a gratitude list for the Fall Equinox. Of course, my family and home come first, but having lost 2 pounds and being sugar free for a week is right up in the top 5!

I have also started looking for a new job. I've been investigating substitute teaching. If I can work 3+ days per week, I can make as much as, if not more, that I make per week now. But it isn't guaranteed, and that is frightening. Plus, you go wherever they send you, especially middle school, and that is even more frightening. But I may be able to sign on with at least 2 districts, and that may help. Plus, I would need a babysitter for far less time (although I really like my current sitter).

I'm beginning to wonder if maybe my ex has a brain tumor.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed on your job!



What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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9/21/16 12:14 A

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Work continues to stay busy. I was between novels at lunch; finished one last night, picking one up at the library after work. So I finally got working on my Census booklet that came a few weeks ago. Got most of the answers written--though I ran a little over and didn't finish eating!--but I had to turn over a few page corners where I'll have to do a little research to find answers.

Tomorrow we have a unit potluck at work--theme comfort food. Hope I can grab a quick lunch since I'm leaving early for an appointment--my first visit with Katie (my wonderful therapist) since the spring, I think. I've just been doing very well on my own, and didn't feel like I "needed" to see her. But I might as well use the approved appointments for just a copay which are only good through this year, I think.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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9/19/16 11:19 P

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My big accomplishment today was getting my application submitted for the customer service lead/trainer position for the region--a brand new position, one that's much needed.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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9/19/16 12:19 A

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Glad you had someone on the phone with you as a "witness." But how can he not understand you divorcing him?

I've actually lost a couple pounds lately--need to adjust my weight tracker.

So this customer service lead/trainer position that posted Monday (which I learned of Thursday, my first day back from vacation) is due tomorrow night. I've drafted my cover letter and 5+ page training plan for new employees--the 2 requirements for the application. (Several of those 5 pages were in outline form, which is why it's so long.) I'm going to relax now, check the spelling on a couple of names at work tomorrow, then finalized and submit everything tomorrow after work.

Have a great night and day tomorrow, everyone! emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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9/18/16 12:52 A

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The CSS3 job sounds like it would be a great fit. I'll keep my fingers crossed that you get the application done in time!

My ex recieved a paper, supposedly form my lawyer, and freaked out. I was really worried about my girls going to see him, so I talked to my lawyer, who hadn't gotten anything in the mail. So we don't know if my divorce went through, or if the courts accidentally sent him a notice by mistake. We were really hoping to get this done under the radar, so he couldn't put up any roadblocks or retaliate. The girls ended up being fine, but he came up to my car to find out why I was divorcing him. Fortunately, my friend was on the phone and heard the exchange, so I was safe, but it confirmed to her that my ex is delusional. And I agree.

The good thing is that I didn't eat any sugar while stressing. The bad news is that I ate everything else. emoticon

I am starting to see some results from eating better. My kids helped me design the game board, and I added a few quotes, but I think I need some pictures to add. The problem is that I am very picky about visual images being appropriate for my kids to see, so I haven't really found any. I am discovering that most of the magazines I read (and am willing to cut up) have more pictures of food than anything else.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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9/17/16 4:31 P

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I discovered after returning that they posted a new Customer Service Specialist 3 (Lead) position for our region (I'm a CSS2), based in another office. It's only open to internal candidates, and just for a week, closing Monday. It's something I would be great at, and would be a promotion with a higher salary, even though it would involve commuting. So I knew I'd be spending an intense weekend working on this limited-time application, so am using a timer set at 30 minutes to get substantial work done, then break to refresh the brain and body and environment. I'm calling them S&S breaks.
emoticon emoticon
I have a general goal of doing some STAS--strength training and stretching--done every day (or at least more often & consistently), as well as Sorting--going through piled and cluttered stuff to decide what to keep or toss, and where to put it if it stays. I'm using a countdown timer of 5 minutes for the sorting, and a count-up timer for adding up exercise minutes for tracking at day's end. So far it's working well. I'll take occasional Spark and reading breaks just to keep a really good balance going on.
emoticon emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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9/16/16 11:36 P

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Today was rough. All sorts of systems down and not working and everything took *so* much longer than usual. Then we got swamped with customers late in the day, with a lot of late breaks. And we're getting leaned on from one of the programs to finish entering wage complaints in 3 calendar days, not 3 business days. So the one that was received yesterday that was assigned to me today was supposed to be completed today because the third calendar day falls on the weekend. Well that didn't happen! When I was at my desk I was frequently interrupted with phone calls from customers, and I was at the counter for hours helping customers there. I got less than a third of it done.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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9/16/16 12:02 A

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I spent a couple hours catching up on 7 days of emails. Turns out they updated us all to Office 2016 while I was out, so I took a bunch of their short (2-5 minutes each) training videos on changes to programs and menus. I liked them--they helped me get over the whole new look and have an idea of how to change settings to have the information I want displayed. At one point I was trying to change the subject line of an email (which I used to do easily), but which wasn't working. I tried the Help and new "tell me" function with no luck. But I kept playing with the display, and once I clicked an arrow from up to down or vice versa, I could do what I've done in the past. I'm not a big one for just playing around and figuring computer things out on my own, so I'm pretty proud of myself for that!
emoticon
I was also checking out the final Summer Jam emails from Central Office--that's our big fitness campaign [this was the 9th annual] that I've been captain of the Region 2 team for a few years, and went in the first Wednesday of vacation to log my final week's points, draw prize winners, and remind everyone to track all unreported points by Friday. This is our one big competitive campaign. There's the Tumwater League with teams from different floors and annexes of Central Office, and then the Regional League with teams for each of the 6 regions. Ours (Region 2) comprises the 3 offices in King County. We've always placed a solid 3rd place, while Regions 5 & 6 over in Eastern Washington tend to run neck and neck, even ending in a dead tie on occasion. Well *Surprise, Surprise* Region 2 came out on top! I was flabbergasted, did not expect it at all. Thought there might be a chance for a second place finish, but we came out in the lead--which means all 37 team members get T-shirts! (Just learned that in an email today.)

Also found out there is a Customer Service Lead opening for our region--only for internal agency staff. It was supposed to be in the Tukwila office (where I work now, less than a mile from my apartment), but now they are basing it in Bellevue where the traffic is pretty horrible. Still, I'm going to apply--it's at a higher pay range, and involves a lot of staff training, which I really enjoy. Then I have a couple other postings I plan to go for. The CSS3 one is only open for 1 week, closing 9/19, so I'll work on that one first.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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9/14/16 11:09 P

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That game idea sounds so cool, Amy! I don't know if you've shared that with the BBs, but some of our members might like it. I've often had the thought that I want to shift my perception of decluttering from a chore, or something I "should" do or am bad at, to an opportunity or adventure, maybe something fun--or at least nurturing.

This was my final day of vacation, and I didn't get done all I had hoped. But I did renew my Costco membership (so glad the gas station attendant swiped a card for me yesterday, since he couldn't renew it and I was running on fumes!). Got a few Costco items and a little TJ's shopping, then dropped off all 8 library items--1 book I finished, 6 I decided not to read, and the newest Star Wars that was due--and checked out 2.

I also did some cleaning on the balcony. It's in the Good Fortune bagua of my home (if you are into feng shui), and I figure it can't hurt to get that area less cluttered and more energized. Printed 2 job announcements that I'll be working on next.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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9/14/16 10:21 A

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It sounds like you had a blast! What a great thing, to get together like that. Somehow, my friends have sort of scattered to the winds. I have some friendly acquaintances right now, but no one I would truly call close, especially childhood friends. I was always a bit of an oddball as a child, though, so I never really met my match, I guess.

The weather has started to turn, which is making it easier to get some exercise. I am getting in more steps, although that doesn't really track for calories burned. I also started a Motivational board for weight loss, making it sort of like a game board. I thought if I changed my thinking and made weight loss fun, maybe I would be more successful at it. I am still working on it, but I am looking forward to marking off some spaces. I need to design a good game piece for myself.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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9/13/16 10:22 P

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From an email to my 6-Pack sisters (sister Mary, whom I've known all my life; Susan, whom I've known 52 years since 4th grade, Pat, whom Mary has known 52 years since 7th grade, Kathy, whom Susan and I have known 49 years since 10th grade, and Meg, whom Mary has known 38 years since college):

Dora was happy to have me home. Susan and I swung by to pick up Chinese to-go & half & half at a convenience store nearby (since I can't drink morning coffee without cream!). Then here, where we watched I, Robot that I had just been talking about. (Great action, humor and emotions w/ a very hunky Will Smith.) Leftover Chinese for breakfast, then we hit a matinee of Star Trek Beyond--absolutely delightful! Susan had already seen it with her niece Eve before 6-Pack, and I would totally see it again with you, Mary, if we can put that together! Also saw cool previews for the upcoming Magnificent 7 with Denzel Washington (hubba hubba!) and a fascinating first contact movie with Amy Adams and Forest Whitaker.

Susan's friend Chris met us not that far away, but in a new area for me, on a couple of connector highways. Turns out I came back basically on one long road in 15 minutes, so that's how we can do this in the future, if we ever do such a "hand-off" again. I'm now watching the newest Star Wars DVD that's due back at the library (after months of waiting) tomorrow, with unpacking and cleaning breaks. Got gas today (empty light had come on) and will get groceries tomorrow.

Had a fantastic time. Y'all helped me remember who I truly am, and some of what I need to do for me. I want fun things to share with you in the future. You inspire me to be more true to myself, if that makes sense. Thank you all for being you, and for helping to make this happen and keep this rewarding and nurturing tradition alive!

To my emoticon s: Aren't girlfriends just the best? emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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9/13/16 1:04 P

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I'm Sparking while Susan (my friend since 4th grade) is Facebooking. She stayed overnight and I'll pass her off to an old coworker of hers who lives in the area this afternoon. We watched a video last night--I, Robot--that I had been talking about over the weekend, that she had not seen in years--a great science fiction movie with thrilling action, a lot of humor, and emotional depth--especially from the unique robot Sonny.

I'll cook us up a stir fry from leftovers for breakfast. Then we're going to see the Star Trek movie at a matinee. We used to go to Star Trek conventions together back in the day. Such fun!

Oh, and this was our 24th annual 6-Pack gathering, always in Oregon (between the California and Washington contingents, and convenient for the Oregon residents), except for our 10th in Maui and 20th in Kauai. We spend a week in Hawaii, otherwise it's a long weekend.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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9/11/16 3:01 P

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I really enjoy foosball, but I think it needs to be added to the exercise tracker, because I find it can be very fast-paced!

So far the weekend has been pretty slow paced. I'm cleaning house and trying to organize some. I think I am going to need to find a way to get more bookshelves. (A problem that I find somewhat delightful).

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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9/10/16 11:03 P

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emoticon I feel for you, and can't do much more than send love and prayers your way.

Having a wonderful time with the girlfriends, lots of talking and catching up. Hiked down to the lake and had so much fun paddle boating!

Bunch of us took naps. And last night 3 of us were hooting and hollering as we tried foosball (my first time). I'm hoping I can talk some into trying it again tonight.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


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9/10/16 7:54 P

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I am so glad you are having a good time.It sounds just amazing!

It's been a rough few days. I probably should have anticipated that my ex would be going crazy right now, as a major Muslim holiday is Monday. He is supposed to take the girls, and has used that as an excuse to text/hassle me. Big Dummy. It overwhelmed me a bit when the girls were in counseling. I was still sitting with them when my oldest brought up to the counselor that her father has been making her send texts to me. I knew they weren't originating from her, so I understood that it was his way of sending messages to me, but when she brought it up I got overwhelmed and began crying. The girls were very supportive, but I still feel badly for losing it in front of them.

I have been making the effort to walk a bit more, though, and I am determined to find a way to get comfortable with exercising, so that I have a better outlet for my feelings. Figuring out how to go about that seems to be my biggest hurdle.



What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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9/8/16 11:25 P

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Ran into horrible traffic getting through Portland almost to Woodburn--a long, long, slow, slow way! But we're checked into the hotel in Cottage Grove, and had a *marvelous* dinner at Jack Sprat's--best garlic fries ever! emoticon emoticon

Too tired to hit the pool tonight, so will go in the morning. emoticon And there's a 24-hour Dutch Bros coffee place next door! emoticon

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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158.75
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (178,436)
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Posts: 12,439
9/8/16 12:37 A

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I know we'll have a great time. It's just the getting ready that I can stress over. I'll be taking my laptop, and checking in briefly during vacation. I want to break the 800-day login milestone!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
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196.25
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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (178,436)
Fitness Minutes: (133,767)
Posts: 12,439
9/6/16 11:40 P

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Glad the girls and Grandpa had a good time! And emoticon for taking care of yourself to stay calm. Documenting, but not reacting to his baiting and/or weirdness is probably the best thing you can do. Proud of you!
emoticon emoticon emoticon
Still catching up on chores--cleaning (as in washing) litter box, chopped up the rest of a head of red cabbage for adding to salads, hand washing, dishes. Started planning & particularizing the packing list. Also did a few short workouts. Got the preliminary replies to the last 2 applications--basically that I'll hear more later. Just glad I won't miss anything while on vacation.

Checked out weather down in Lakeside, OR where the vacation home is. Showers today (same as here), but Friday-Monday is expected to be sunny and in the low 70s--which sounds great! I love being able to get ready at a more relaxed pace.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
215
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158.75
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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 1,239
9/6/16 10:15 A

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My father was visiting his brother this weekend, so yesterday I drove the girls down to Fremont to see him. They were so excited, since they had spent two days of the weekend being miserable at their fathers (I would think they were exaggerating for my sake, but he had sent me a series of strange texts, which seems to indicate he was in a terrible mood). Seeing Grampa is always a good thing! My father, a retired scientist, was interested in taking them to a museum or outing "that would promote discussion" (translation: make it easy to find something to talk about) so we went to a "Historical working farm". It is, essentially, the remains of a farm that was started in 1853, and included wandering around the barn, the blacksmith shop, the train (apparently the farmer, who hadn't wanted the trains to cut through his land, lost the battle when his hired guards got to drunk to stop the railroad guys from coming in, and the work was completed so quickly that he couldn't get the law out in time to stop it), and the house, which still had most of it's original furnishings. The farmers wife was a big womens rights activist as well, so were a lot of topics that the girls could comment on. Overall, we had a lot of fun, and Grampa got to see how the girls are growing into thoughtful, intelligent young ladies. Also, that Sara is just possibly the most talkative girl on the planet!

I'm glad for the fun we had, because the ex was sending texts that are more and more disturbing. I find myself wondering if in addition to being drunk, maybe he has a brain tumor? He has learned that in order to avoid police, all his threats have to be veiled, and he is very good at that. Although he caused me some anxiety, I meditated a bit and came away calmer, knowing that he is looking for me to react so that he can know that he has disturbed me. So now I just add the texts to my other documentation, and then walk away from it.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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9/6/16 12:01 A

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My biggest accomplishment today was donating blood. Since we have a special kind of leave (for life-saving procedures) that doesn't count against sick or vacation leave, I try to schedule it during the work day. But I was way overdue, then had to wait weeks while I got completely over being really sick a ways back. Then I just was constantly so busy at work that I wasn't checking coverage to figure out when to schedule this and other appointments. So I did it this morning. In the canteen afterwards, I had my usual cranberry juice, plus 2 snack bags of chips. I know most people like the cookies, but after my good deed, I give myself permission to enjoy my preferred salty-fatty snacks.
emoticon emoticon emoticon
Donating often makes me tired, so I ended up reading then taking a nap. I've done very small household chores, and did spend some time checking out eating places near our stopover hotel on the way to 6-Pack. We usually go further down the Oregon coast, and have stayed for several years at a Best Western in Reedsport, and we have our favorite restaurant to have dinner at there. But we're staying in Cottage Grove this time (which means less driving the first day, and not as early a start emoticon emoticon ) so I did some searching for spots for dinner. We thought it would help to know where we might have dinner to decide on where to lunch when we stop by the outlet mall in Chehalis. Sister Mary is a better natural planner than I am, but I enjoy researching, and came up with some possibilities.

Tomorrow's my day to get serious about planning my packing list. Oh, the other thing I did was to complete my Summer Jam point calculation. Our biggest fitness challenge was expanded this year to include lots of non-physical healthy actions to take, plus allowed for minutes at various intensity factors to be calculated. That means that for 6 weeks I wasn't just counting minutes of speed walking, ST, cardio and stretching, but also housework (light activity, 100 points/minute and standing (very light activity, 25 points/minute). Given that I often stand 6-7 hours or more a day at work, I rack up the points even beyond walking, etc. But especially with the tech issues they've had where we have to keep track in a booklet each day, add the daily points, and then transfer the weekly total to the website, it's a pain in the patootie to track, and I'm glad it's done! Of course I realized that not only would I need to come into work to log my final week's points, but as the Regional Team Captain, I need to use my special captain's page access (at work only) to pick the last 4 prize winners and get their prizes (stretching books) into campus mail. So I get to go in for an hour on Wednesday, and then change my 7 days of vacation to 6 days and 7 hours!

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.


 current weight: 147.0 
 
215
196.25
177.5
158.75
140
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