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WATOGA17's Photo WATOGA17 Posts: 12,732
9/18/11 9:57 A

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Adrienne,

So glad you are back! I totally know what you mean about prednisone. About 16 years ago when my immune system first stopped working (pre-diagnosis and treatment) a doctor thought that I had mononucleosis and put me on prednisone for several months. I was so sick at the time that I was bedridden. All I did for 3 months was eat and sleep. It was awful.

I'm glad you are well and back among friends!

Jen

---Jen , Maryland

“Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain.”
― Vivian Greene


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ADRIENNE502002's Photo ADRIENNE502002 Posts: 596
9/17/11 11:03 P

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Me too! I'm really glad you're here!

My husband was becoming critical of me in various ways, and eventually I felt began feeling bad enough that I decided we should talk with a counselor. It turned out that he had very little idea how his comments were affecting me. After a few sessions it he admitted that he was making them because he was also feeling badly about himself, and the counselor was able to help him see that his interpretation might not be the only one. The important thing at that time was that he got to vent and get things off his chest, and then he wasn't clawing at me all the time. I don't know what your situation is, but I wish you the best with it, and send lots of support.

So glad to be back. Was on Prednisone for three weeks for Labyrinthitis. Essentially an inner ear thing that makes your body think it's spinning - so my eyes were moving back and forth fast to compensate. I had no balance and severe nausea - it was frightening. I now know what it's like to be constantly hungry, though. Among other things, Prednisone made me well, but also makes you want to eat and eat and eat - even if you are stuffed, you still want more. I had to really keep track of everything! Spark really saved me. After I figured out what was happening, I was able to bring my weight back down by getting tough with portion control, eating clean and planning set meal/snack times. Not so difficult if you've been doing it before! :)

The black bean thing is in my recipes. Don't know how to forward it, but the url is: http://recipes.sparkpeople.com/recipe-deta
il.asp?recipe=921176

Edited by: ADRIENNE502002 at: 9/17/2011 (23:20)
If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you.
Sister Mary Tricky


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WATOGA17's Photo WATOGA17 Posts: 12,732
9/13/11 11:27 A

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Philippa,

I think you have just described what happens to many of us. Whether we are beating ourselves up or rewarding ourselves, we use food to do it.

I am really sorry to hear about what you are dealing with with your husband. That has to be just horrible. Regardless of how you feel about what he does, you have to find some way to let this be about you, not him. You deserve to be happy and healthy and you deserve to feel great about yourself.

It helped me a lot to take it all one day at a time, even one meal at a time and promise myself not to demand perfection. I can be an "all or nothing" kind of person. When I would slip, I would just emotionally beat myself up and let that slip turn into an all out fall. When I gave myself permission to be human, yet really truly tried to do better, the weight began to come off. It won't happen overnight and that is why one step at a time is essential. We decide we want thin and we want it now! It won't happen that way, BUT it can and will happen if you take those steps.

We are here to support and encourage you. And we won't beat you up emotionally when you slip.

We're glad you are here! emoticon

Jen

---Jen , Maryland

“Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain.”
― Vivian Greene


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JERSEYPHIL's Photo JERSEYPHIL SparkPoints: (1,440)
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9/13/11 11:02 A

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I totally agree with you guys! it is only ourselves that ultimately decide what we do.

I find that I like to find excuses for everything, so I'm not really to blame. but its how i decide to react to situations. i am very much an emotional eater, if i'm stressed I eat, if I'm bored, I eat, if I'm sad i eat, if I'm happy i eat. any emotion i eat!

i also feel I keep a lot to myself and bottle up my emotions, when I'm really down i dont let it show that much, i never confront anyone that has upset me or does me wrong, i just get angry, and in a crazy person way i have to conversation i'd have with them in my head! then i'll go eat so much i could be ill!
i really dont think thats the best way to get through my problems! nothing gets resolved and i'm getting fatter by the minute!

what to do??? i know i can do it i just have no real motivation at the moment, i feel like i'm spiraling!

also doesnt help that every day my husband says something about me being fat, he wants me to lose the weight, but its aggressive, i dont feel it comes out of love, rather than embarrassment to be seen with me!
and i want to lose the weight to prove to him i can do it but he makes me so upset i just secret eat to get through the pain!

sorry for unloading, but maybe i need to let this out so i can move on!

thanks

philippa



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WATOGA17's Photo WATOGA17 Posts: 12,732
9/13/11 8:09 A

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emoticon Karen!

---Jen , Maryland

“Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain.”
― Vivian Greene


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KSMGLASS's Photo KSMGLASS Posts: 4,505
9/12/11 9:20 P

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I agree, it's me and only me! But I have a plan and hoping hoping to turn that around!


“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, or not to anticipate troubles, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly.” – Siddartha Guatama Buddha

"Be yourself because the people who mind don't matter and the people who matter don't mind."~Dr. Seuss ~

"Anything is possible, It's your choice whether or not you choose to make it happen." ~Anonymous ~

~Karen~ EST in the corner of So. PA



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WATOGA17's Photo WATOGA17 Posts: 12,732
8/25/11 8:41 A

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I am so with you on that one, Cheryl!

---Jen , Maryland

“Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain.”
― Vivian Greene


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GEEMAWEST's Photo GEEMAWEST SparkPoints: (63,027)
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8/24/11 9:28 P

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I would like that recipe too, Adrienne.

As for what is stopping me? Only me.

That's all that is stopping me. Just me.

Cheryl aka G-Ma

"Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light."
~Helen Keller

"How does one become a butterfly? You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar." ~Trina Paulus
WATOGA17's Photo WATOGA17 Posts: 12,732
8/22/11 7:23 A

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Great Adrienne! I would love to have your recipe for black bean salsa and chicken.

Jen

---Jen , Maryland

“Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain.”
― Vivian Greene


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ADRIENNE502002's Photo ADRIENNE502002 Posts: 596
8/21/11 12:41 P

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Went to a party last night and made the mistake of going there hungry. There was little healthy anything on the table to eat, but eventually I realized it was that or nothing. So I"m sitting there eating the stuff I used to crave, and thought, what I have during the week tastes so much better! And I knew what I was going to feel like next day from all that junk. So I made do with attacking the garnishes, and then just relaxed and enjoyed myself. The wings were great! (all greasy and salty... mmmm) - but it's funny how your perspective changes.

Tonight I'm thinking of making that excellent black bean salsa and chicken recipe (the guacamole got me going last night). Very healthy, mmmmmmmmmmmm, and lots of salad!

Got in 45 minutes of good swimming with the girls this morning. Life is not too bad. No lbs. lost yet.... LOL

If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you.
Sister Mary Tricky


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WATOGA17's Photo WATOGA17 Posts: 12,732
8/17/11 7:54 A

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Amen, Adrienne! We are unstoppable as a team. Let's all do this together!

---Jen , Maryland

“Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain.”
― Vivian Greene


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8/13/11 8:59 P

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Well said, Adrienne! I agree, why fight it? emoticon

Cheryl aka G-Ma

"Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light."
~Helen Keller

"How does one become a butterfly? You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar." ~Trina Paulus
ADRIENNE502002's Photo ADRIENNE502002 Posts: 596
8/13/11 8:15 P

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Aw thanks guys! It is great to be back, even better to receive such a warm welcome!

Isn't it funny how bad things can make us into better people. I feel sympathetic about your struggle with your legs Jen. I wish you all the fortitude to get yourself into a better place. It's frustrating to back-slide, but you know this is only a bump in the road. As they say, each time, the more likely you are to have success. I have borderline high blood pressure and the doctors threaten to put me on meds each year. It may take him prescribing them before I get it through my (sometimes) very thick head. I am making another serious push now, and we can do it together! I don't need to be taking any more pharmaceuticals. As well, the circulation in my legs is much worse when I'm not active. Relatives on both sides have had serious problems later in life - I should be wiser about it.

My step daughters are here, and I was counting calories, and then I realized that I have to be careful about how much time I'm spending doing it. It is much more "cost effective" to be always vigilant about eating clean, keeping portion sizes realistic, and to spend the minutes I might be clicking away here, instead doing aerobic workouts. I hear you Jen about work. It can eat your life away, and sometimes it's hard to be realistic about balancing the two. The computer, work or not, literally sucks my time away. I can be on hours and hardly notice the time passing. Now I'm just tracking exercise and keeping up connections.

It's a funny thing having guests. I was initially annoyed that the girls came that they promptly announced they were on a "diet". But the truth is, after the first moment, I realized that I could whip out my recipes and give them a taste of what healthy cooking for life (and to explode your taste buds so you don't feel like you're missing out) is like. We've been eating like kings, and I feel like a million bucks. (Still not losing lbs yet...)

When one of them said she had to have my painting studio for singing practice (after my initial inner reaction of ..but, that's MY space..), I said, great. Mornings, I will be kicked out for an hour of exercise, and then we can both be done before breakfast! She at first looked alarmed, but then decided she liked the idea.

We absolutely cannot do any of this alone, and should not be fooled into thinking we can. We are strong and simply gorgeous when we team up. Why fight it?

:) emoticon

Thanks guys for being here.

Edited by: ADRIENNE502002 at: 8/13/2011 (20:24)
If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you.
Sister Mary Tricky


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8/8/11 10:20 P

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You can do it, Jen. You have to!

Currently I have let all the stresses in my life get in the way. I started with eating fast food often because of all the traveling we were doing to the hospital. It's an hour each way if traffic is good. Then I would tell myself that I already blew it for the day so I would make unhealthy choices telling myself that I would get back on track tomorrow.

I really need to get a grip. There will always be things in life that get in the way. I can't let 'things' control my eating.

Tomorrow is a new day and I am going to take advantage of that.

Cheryl aka G-Ma

"Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light."
~Helen Keller

"How does one become a butterfly? You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar." ~Trina Paulus
WATOGA17's Photo WATOGA17 Posts: 12,732
8/5/11 9:06 A

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I agree with Cheryl, Adrienne. Welcome back!

In the past two days I have realized that whatever it is that is stopping me has to just move over. I have had health issues reoccur that I thought were under control and they are directly related to the additional weight I carried for years and a recent slip in my healthy habits.

I have lymphodema in my legs. I won't go into a lengthy explanation. It is on the internet if you want to look it up, but the gist is that I just thought I had fat legs, but after losing 100 pounds, the legs didn't get "normal". Finally I was diagnosed and began treatment in January. I saw a therapist for treatment twice a week for several months and got a machine that now provides the treatment. I am supposed to use it twice a day and the treatment takes an hour each time (2 hours per day). There were also a list of recommended behaviors that I didn't really pay much attention to because: 1) I was already following a pretty healthy lifestyle and 2) I now had the machine.

At first, I was great about doing the treatment twice a day, but then warm weather came and it became harder. I wanted to walk first thing in the morning before it got too hot, so I would get dressed rather than leave my pjs on and do the treatment (I have to wear loose fitting clothing when doing the treatment) right away. I would try to do the treatment when I took a lunch break, but gradually I would forget to do it until it was too late (there have to be a certain number of hours between treatments).

Two weeks ago, I became inundated with work. It was also miserably hot. I quit walking in the morning and went right to work (I do most of my work from home). I might sit at my desk for hours, only getting up to go to the bathroom or get a drink. I did this for two weeks. In addition, I went on a little binge in the evenings. Once I finished my day and sat down to relax I would begin munching on chips -- tortilla or potato. I was out of control, but only for an hour or so each evening. I would eat healthfully all day long and then blow it at the end of the day.

The accumulation of these behaviors put my legs right back into the condition they had been before treatment -- swollen, painful, and a serious health risk. My legs were so swollen that the compression stockings that I am supposed to wear from support were actually cutting into my legs.

Two days ago a nurse saw my legs and wouldn't let me leave the pharmacy where I was without a properly fitted pair of compression stockings. I have called to schedule an appointment for more manual treatments on my legs, but we leave for vacation on Monday so it can't happen until after I come back. I read all of the papers about what to do and not do with this problem. I definitely have to watch my salt intake. I have to walk as much as possible. I have to do my treatments twice daily. And I have to take off more weight. It is no longer a matter of how satisfied I am with my appearance. It is now about the quality of my life.

The mind games are over. This is no longer about my feelings. I have to focus on my health.

---Jen , Maryland

“Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain.”
― Vivian Greene


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8/4/11 10:30 P

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Yep, that's it Adrienne. I am hanging on to my fat just in case I get really sick and need a cushion. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. LOL

Seriously, you're absolutely right. We don't want to be too thin. It's very unhealthy and I also believe that we need some curves.

I agree with the others. I definitely self sabotage. Not sure if I'm afraid of success or something else. But it is something I obviously need to take a serious look at.

BTW, so great to see you posting with us again, Adrienne!

Cheryl aka G-Ma

"Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light."
~Helen Keller

"How does one become a butterfly? You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar." ~Trina Paulus
ADRIENNE502002's Photo ADRIENNE502002 Posts: 596
8/4/11 7:49 P

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Oh yes. I hadn't thought of it that way.

Every time I get into the 190 range, though, my bust disappears. And it isn't because I'm emaciated by any stretch of the imagination. I hadn't realized how much I liked being a little buxom (C), and how much being flatter chested (barely B) bummed me out - yes it's about personal power and self image. So I've gone out and bought some more shapely and padded bras, to counteract what I know will soon be happening again. I hope this will be enough.

I also sort of associate skinny with frail. Too many women don't do strength training, and I associate thin (in older women especially) with lessened abilities, osteoporosis, liver spots and wrinkled skin. I believe it's good to keep a little padding. It's attractive, and as long as it's not a health risk, it's also good for us. If you get ill, you want something as a cushion, and it helps keep your face filled out and healthy looking. As long as we can keep a balance.

I think keeping a little padding will never be a problem for me, though. LOL.

If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you.
Sister Mary Tricky


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WATOGA17's Photo WATOGA17 Posts: 12,732
8/4/11 9:37 A

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I absolutely believe that I sabotage myself. I am down 100 pounds from my highest weight, but I have a really hard time "seeing" myself thinner than I am now. I know I need to lose some more weight, but I can't envision it. I think that I have a distorted image of being a strong woman and fear that being thin will weaken me. When I picture myself thinner, I picture frail. I don't know why and know I need to try to change that in order to more onward.

---Jen , Maryland

“Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain.”
― Vivian Greene


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ADRIENNE502002's Photo ADRIENNE502002 Posts: 596
8/3/11 8:39 P

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What a great topic. I'm trying to figure out why I don't exercise and meditate, too. I always feel so much better when I do. I know the answer, just forget to ask the question each day: What do I really want for myself? Other people's problems, thoughts, actions feel more important to me, too, I guess. It's so easy to get sidetracked trying to do what's right. What I"m "supposed" to be doing.

I give the cat "treats" (pill pockets) to get her to take pills, and praise her profusely - why should I not do the same for me? With that in mind, this week I've been practicing treating myself like a queen. I decided not to wait until I'd lost pounds to get a pedicure. Not to wait to make an appointment to get my hair done. Rewards for my intention to do much, much better. Pat myself on the back for each good thing I do (I'm so self critical, I think that it really would be comical if it didn't have such a bad result.) If I can teach the cat, I can teach myself.

Now the elliptical is sitting there looking at me... I'm ordering veggie pizza after being really good for two days. I have the calories in my day to do it, and I'm not taking no for an answer. :) After I order, I have 30 minutes until it gets here. That should be just enough time for some decent cardio! Treats!

My new theory is that it's all about finding ways to make these changes feel like Abundance. Making the new life so good and fun that it's a no-brainer to slip into it. I already am eating better in general: for instance, I never order one thing I loved: hot fudge sundaes, because I like vanilla yogurt with cinnamon applesauce and strawberries or peaches better. Creamy sweet. Not bloating after. That's all I needed.

It's all in our heads. It's so funny.

Edited by: ADRIENNE502002 at: 8/3/2011 (20:43)
If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you.
Sister Mary Tricky


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MUFFINMOUSE's Photo MUFFINMOUSE SparkPoints: (10,637)
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8/3/11 11:05 A

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This may sound so odd, but does anyone else think they may have a fear of success?? I feel like a LOT of the time when i self-sabotage, it's right after i've had a REALLY great day or weigh in.... I'm a project kind of girl -- i like having things to work towards, and if i do finally get to that goal weight, what will i occupy my time with after that? If i'm struggling, then at least i'm in motion... if i succeed or make it too easy for myself, i feel like... well, maybe that would mean i would have to work on some bigger deeper problems in my life. Weight/outer appearance struggle is a good way to not think about serious inner issues. eek. i feel like crying now.
too emotional today emoticon

Edited by: MUFFINMOUSE at: 8/3/2011 (11:08)
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8/3/11 10:28 A

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I do that kind of stuff all the time, Jen. DH is a very unhealthy eater and is always wanting me to eat the way he does. Instead of 'being disagreeable' I go along with it.

Cheryl aka G-Ma

"Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light."
~Helen Keller

"How does one become a butterfly? You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar." ~Trina Paulus
WATOGA17's Photo WATOGA17 Posts: 12,732
8/3/11 7:25 A

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Last night I allowed "pleasing my husband" to come before doing what I really wanted to do. We had a meeting with an insurance agent that went late and we hadn't eaten. I was fully prepared to make tuna salad or something quick and healthy from the fridge, but my husband wanted to go pick up subs from a local restaurant. I didn't want to seem disagreeable so I went along. I was incredibly hungry and I ate the sub, but I didn't enjoy any of it.

---Jen , Maryland

“Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain.”
― Vivian Greene


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BEFIT014's Photo BEFIT014 Posts: 31,014
8/2/11 11:32 P

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For me, it's the 'fear' of hearing "Ha! I knew you couldn't do it!" I think we're all probably afraid of hearing that, tho-whether it's that little voice inside us or hearing it for real.

It's a good topic and definitely one worth looking into!

I have to say, tho, that SP is THE most supportive sites I've been on. I go to another site once in a while, just to 'lurk' and those people are vicious!

Michele~Leader Motivation & Positive Attitude Team
.•*´`•.¸ .•*´`•.¸ .•*´Show Your•*´`•.¸ .•*´•.¸ .•*´`•.¸
.•*´`•.¸Motivation & Positive Attitude•.¸ .•*´`•.¸

Decide. Commit. SUCCEED!!!



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8/2/11 10:14 P

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Jen, you are so right. You've certainly got my number.

I think that one of my biggest problems is that I'm a people pleaser and am afraid everyone will get tired of hearing the 'downer' stuff from me. I don't want to be a negative impact on the team and don't want to sound like I'm whining all the time, so instead I just stay away.



Edited by: GEEMAWEST at: 8/2/2011 (22:15)
Cheryl aka G-Ma

"Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light."
~Helen Keller

"How does one become a butterfly? You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar." ~Trina Paulus
WATOGA17's Photo WATOGA17 Posts: 12,732
8/2/11 9:09 A

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I know that my biggest stumbling block is myself. I get in my own way. Why is it that sometimes I can be so motivated, making great strides and feeling on top of the world and then other times I can't find the motivation to do the things that I know are right for me?

You do this, too. I see it here all the time. One month you are flying high and the next you are struggling.

We tend to share, share, share when we are feeling great and then hide away when we are struggling. Let's change that behavior and explore this together to see if we can't find some answers to what holds us back from our goals.

The answers are inside me, just as they are inside you. Let's try to bring out those answers and excuses and unhealthy messages that we give ourselves, get rid of them and move forward together!

---Jen , Maryland

“Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain.”
― Vivian Greene


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