Agreed! Thanks very much for keeping this topic alive. I am currently with a man that I adore to pieces and so do most people that know him. He is an amazing father, spouse, friend. He unfortantely as of late, seems to be dealing with some major problems with his family. Sadly, its not only his Dad now (Which it has been for years- due to alcohol, drugs and sex addictions) his dad has alot of good in him but has more bad unfortunately.
My guy is 32 years old. I have known him and dated him since he was 19, so I know him and his family very well.
His mom and sister used to have a good relationship with us. We have recently discovered that the traits that they have recently showed to us, on top of everyone else in their lives, except each other are traits of narcissism. They are certainly too good for everyone, cant admit any wrong doing, all though there is much wrong doing! believe me!!!
At first we believed that it was only his sister who was the narcissist and that with her narcissistic ways she managed to turn his mom on him and us. In a big sense I still believe this, however I am also curious now because I am seeing alot of people talk about their parents being narcisstic as well. We find that when we are a part of his moms life, his sister has to draw attention to her in any way possible, even if it means lying about her own brother and making him look like something he is not. This seems to be the pattern of what his sister has been doing, but then you would also think that their mom would wake up and smell the coffee. He had just begun also a new relationship with their Dad. (We are the nice people as well and we actually have had all three of these people live with us in the last 5 years.) His mom and sister for 2 years and when they moved out, we helped his dad into recovery by letting him live with us for close to one year. He has recovered from hard drugs but stil drinks, gambles and smokes pot. Anyways, during that period my husband became close with his dad again. We could see it was chewing his sister up and some how, she had him turned on us in no time. Not suprising in hind sight I guess.
Anyways its been two years not talking to his mom, she doesnt bother trying. I email once in a while with updates of our kids and pictures, she says thanks. Thats as far as it goes. The sister same thing, havent talked to her in over a year and a half. She still shows up on facebook with random weird lies, to better herself. Its crazy.
In this now, my husband has lost of course his Dad, his mom and his sister to his sisters narcisstic ways. Granted, he could call them up any time and talk with them but refrains because nothing is going to change for a good relationship. He feels that he has reached a milestone in getting over them and not having to deal with them and that if he did contact them he knows things would eventually start over in the same or similar hurtful ways. I read that actually that is the only way to avoid the destruction of a narcisstic person is to stay clear out of their way, dont associate. But how sad it is that its his direct family.
Also, his mom has no relationship with any other family except her sister (who is normal and great) she doesnt talk to her siblings and there are many stories of how horrible the siblings are etc etc.. She doesnt have many friends and has since not bothered seeing other family even that she normally would see. The rest of his family, aunts, uncles, grandparents etc all love him to pieces and cant understand why they bow down and are controlled by the "devil child" and completely abandon basically their first born and respectful and responsible child.
Please note his sister is 25 yrs old now with a baby and now lives back at home leading the blind with her blindness.
Its very disheartening for me and very frustrating for me, because I have tried so hard to keep everyone together. Family to me is very important. Each time I try, I fail, I know its not because of him because he makes his family priority as well. That is another thing that they have held against him is not having 100% of his attention, they could be invited to events where its my famil and his and they are put out by the fact that both families were invited instead of just them.
I reallly could go on and on! So I wont, but if you think you are someone that can relate or talk or help, offer advice or insight please add me!
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