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4/8/08 1:17 P

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I know the feeling... I'm getting married in less than 3 weeks and we're worried about bills and money as usual. Money is tight for us. Plus we are looking to buy after the wedding a more reliable car for my Soon to be Hubby since his has a lot of problems and the repairs are costing almost more than the car is worth.

Your hubby might just be nervous as some previous posts stated about trying to find a new job. It's not always easy to get out there and look- sometimes for the fear of rejection. But I hope that you and your hubby can work this out and that he finds a job soon.

You can message me anytime you like if you want to chat.

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4/7/08 1:31 P

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Thanks everyone. Here is the latest update.

We got word back from the company he used to work at in the summer. When he was hired 2 summers ago, he was hired with the idea that when he graduated he would become a full-time worker. Finally heard back from them on Friday. Not going to happen anymore. No money.

After about 1 big conversation and 4 small ones, hubby finally got the point and has been contacting friends who have already graduated and have jobs to see if their company has openings. Right now, our big thing is him actually taking the time to call the 4 places.

I got a very good lead on a job. Called and left a message so now I just have to wait.

We're both learning how to not take out our frustrations on each other. I snap at him because he won't talk then he gets mad at me because he doesn't want to think about how hard life is (hence he is having a hard time looking for work. he has to think about it). But we're getting there.

I did do kinda a bad thing money-wise on Friday. We got an extra $20 we weren't expecting. Instead of putting it towards the groceries, I went out with the girls. But I didn't spend all of it and it was nice to get out and away from Matt for a few hours. Half our issue is we don't get enough time apart, especially me. He is home a lot. I'm at work a lot and when I do come home, he is always here.

Thanks for all the support! It helped to vent to people not invloved and the advice has really helped thus far.

Julie aka "Browneyes"

SW-150
Goal 1- 145
Goal 2- 140
Goal 3- 130
GW- 125

Life isn't about waiting for storms to pass-- it's about learning to dance in the rain.
loggerswife.blogspot.com


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JULESGL's Photo JULESGL Posts: 9,609
4/4/08 2:16 P

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Wow, good question and I think you've gotten good answers.

Definitely don't nag. Tell him how you feel about not knowing how the job situations (yours and his) are going to affect you. Keep in mind that he very likely has a lot of strong feelings about the subject too. Tell him thank you for listening/allowing you to vent at the end of the conversation.

It sounds like you have frustrations with a lot of areas in your life - the work hours cutting back, graduating, your own job search, his job search, not agreeing with your boss' philosophy, etc. Try not to take out your frustrations on those closest around you (read: husband)? I can't judge if you are or aren't, so please don't read that as a criticism of you. I've been frustrated and lashed out at the people who love me the most. Makes me sick to think about. Definitely something to be very aware of when I'm frustrated.

I think sitting down with your household budget and discussing all the scenarios would be good. Like prioritizing all your expenses and agreeing on where you both will make cuts/sacrifices if the jobs don't pull through like you want them to.

I would imagine you are going to find a job, and so will he. Having a plan, regardless of where the circumstances might go, relieves a lot of stress for me. GOOD LUCK!

Live like no one else, so later you can LIVE like no one else

"No man in the wrong can stand up to a man in the right who keeps on a-comin." - Texas Rangers

Dare to be a Linchpin - Seth Godin


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CSTEVENSON's Photo CSTEVENSON Posts: 1,539
4/4/08 11:44 A

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Julie, is there any chance your husband could get some inexpensive business cards and flyers made up and put them in the grocery stores, hardware stores, etc. for tree services?

My Ex was a forester and he did tree trimming on the side to make a little extra money, for a couple hours he could bring home quite a bit. If your husband is open to having his own business and he has the equipment already, maybe that would help both of you out temprorarily. It might be less than ideal as it's not a regular pay cheque, but it might at least help cover some bills until he does find a full time job. Then if he wants to keep up the business, building on it, he can schedule side jobs on the weekends.


Live by what you love and not by what you fear - author unknown


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DBD398's Photo DBD398 SparkPoints: (25,917)
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4/3/08 11:39 P

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Julie,

We know that you love your husband. We all love them but they are different. Men tend to internalize there feelings. He may be really bothered about the next few months and just doesn't know what to do. He may be overwhelmed with having a wife he is responsible for.

I remember when my husband was out of work and I worked all day. I would come home him still in his lounge pants and it seemed like he had done nothing all day. I would get on his back about not finding a job and his unemployment running out soon. One day he blew up at me and said "don't you think I am scared too. Don't you think that I'm worried about not making money. I have you & the kids (4) that I can't take care of." It hit me then that he was sick about not supporting his family.

You seem a lot like me. I am very verbal. I talk about the problems all the time. And I get very angry about things I can't control. Oh yeah, I'm very controlling. Instead of asking him what his plan is and what is he doing about it maybe say something to the effect of "I'm really concerned about our bills next month and wondering if we can sit together and figure this out. When is good for you?" Maybe if he sees it all out front he will catch on .

I hope it gets better for you. This is something that all married couples go through. Money is the one thing that couples fight about the most often.

Chin up Browneyes!

Dawn

"The Lord bless you and keep you--the Lord make His face shine upon you, and be gracious unto you; the Lord lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace." Numb. 6:24-26.


Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the
life you've imagined. Henry David Thoreau


"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible;
and suddenly you are doing the impossible." Saint Francis of Assisi




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4/3/08 8:44 P

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FYI, I'm not trying to complain about my life or my husband. I love my husband dearly I'm just very frustrated by the situation we are in right now. I feel like I'm doing everything I can and nothing is changing. I'm hoping someone posts something I haven't tried yet and it will be a "aha!" moment. :)

Julie aka "Browneyes"

SW-150
Goal 1- 145
Goal 2- 140
Goal 3- 130
GW- 125

Life isn't about waiting for storms to pass-- it's about learning to dance in the rain.
loggerswife.blogspot.com


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4/3/08 7:39 P

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I am a newlywed. We've been together 5 years (friends for 8), lived together 1 before we got married in January. It really is a little different to be married. I didn't think it would make a difference.

Thanks for all the great ideas. I have taken my car insurance down as far as it will go.

The truck is already being worked on for cheaper. We would have to have a heck of a lot of maple syrup to pay for the work. :) But Matt's dad has a friend who is doing it for cheaper. Meanwhile, we have had to borrow his dad's truck for months while we waiting for the friend to have time to do it.

I'll have to talk with Matt again. Maybe offer to help him. He hasn't wanted it yet and he hasn't had all that many jobs (3 that I can think of) so maybe he really does not know he needs to make a resume and such. He is a logger/forester and they tend to do things differently which is why I haven't asked if he needs help. They don't do the typical resume and interview and such so I don't know what to do.

FYI, I just paused in my post to approach the subject again. Did it very respectfully and such. Finally convinced him that is great to multiple applications out so you can actually turn someone down. Asked him when he though he might be calling on them, rough estitmate on time, and he snapped and said he only have the next 12-24 hours planned. This did not make me feel better. Told him so and he said he had nothing to tell me. I don't know what to do anymore.

Julie aka "Browneyes"

SW-150
Goal 1- 145
Goal 2- 140
Goal 3- 130
GW- 125

Life isn't about waiting for storms to pass-- it's about learning to dance in the rain.
loggerswife.blogspot.com


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MISSCHANTILLY's Photo MISSCHANTILLY SparkPoints: (0)
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4/3/08 12:04 P

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swop work on truck for maple syrup (someone you know at school forum might be willing

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4/3/08 12:01 P

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have your reduced all you billls by getting all the cheapest quotes on the comptuer
i saved a fortune on car insurance by taking the bog standard on line option
i also swapped all my other bills

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4/3/08 11:59 A

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coffee on a journey try the old fashioned idea of taking sandwiches and a flsak of hot coffee or tea to drink
as for jeans thats easy ..i saw a girl the other day who wears nothing but designer clothes they were rippred all over and colourful patches (im not silly iknow this is fashion )but even i couldnt believe she had paid over 75 for something that looked ready for the bin so heh your in fashion ,,,and her jeans were really nothing special ...even she had to admit it

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4/3/08 11:21 A

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Try putting the machine on craigslist.com. I have made about $300 since the end of February. My husband & I have found things in our house to sell that we don't need.

I understand about your husband not looking for a job. We have 4 kids and I work full-time & part-time and he works full-time. However, he is on call every three weeks so can't really get another job. He can't just leave in the middle of a second job. So, he has decided to propagate corals. He has a saltwater aquarium and we have the equipment to set up a second aquarium. He figures he can make about$200 a month. We really need to get our credit card debt paid off. We also had to replace both of our cars in the past year. So 2 car payments and loan to my mother-in-law.

Good luck! I know it is scary and seems hopeless but somehow you get through it. We went through 2 years with my husband not working and it was very stressful. Things turned around and then we just over did it because he got a great job and we bought a larger home. Now we put ourselves in this mess!


Dawn

"The Lord bless you and keep you--the Lord make His face shine upon you, and be gracious unto you; the Lord lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace." Numb. 6:24-26.


Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the
life you've imagined. Henry David Thoreau


"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible;
and suddenly you are doing the impossible." Saint Francis of Assisi




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*CAPOPPY*'s Photo *CAPOPPY* Posts: 675
4/3/08 11:19 A

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Its true, you both need to be looking for something new, sooner than later because later can come so quickly. Its hard to bring it up but you have to have this conversation with him, you have to lay it on the line, just don't let him see how annoyed you are because that is all he will see but really let him see the situation for what it is. Do you help him find a job? I do that with DH. We made an agreement, he looks for jobs, I help with the cover letter and the rest is up to him. I love to write, I am good at the gab thing so it works out nicely. There is no shame in helping him do this but if you are strapped for time, only do what you can. My most important rule here is ME FIRST...I get in my exercise and healthy eating, play time then he can use my time that is left over to help him find a job..that way there is no resentment. As far as lighting a fire under his arse...you will learn how to do that in time. Are you newlyweds? I have been with DH for 13 years, it wasn't until about 2 years ago that I figured out how to light this fire. If I stay on a healthy budget and lifestyle, he follows suit. As time has gone on in our relationship, I have become more independent and sure of myself, allowing me to say freely what is on my mind without excess emotions...its when I become emotional that he tunes me out...or so it seems.

The only thing you can change is yourself, but sometimes that changes everything.



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4/3/08 10:50 A

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I never thought about checking a local shop. I have it listed in a local buy swap sell guide, my school's selling forum on e-mail, and on ebay.

Husband does not work right now. Hence, I have 2 jobs but they only equal up to 24.5 hrs a week. Long story short, he cannot focus on school and work at the same time. He is only taking 2 classes but they are very tough for him. Both of them he has taken before so we decided that he needs to pass them this time so he can finally get out of school.

He pays the electic bill unless I get to it first. :) I usually pay bills with him there and tell him about it so he understand just how much they are. He has a hard time with the budget. He didn't grow up with one but he also grew up in a household where they would buy what they wanted then complain they didn't have money to pay bills. Matt is better than that but still has tendencies in that direction.

But we are working on that. The whole maple syrup thing has been an adventure. All of our equipment was worn out from not being used in 5 years and it all needed to be fixed or replaced. But my parents are suppose to pay half so that will even out.

My huge main overall issue concerning him right now is how, pardon the phrase, light a fire under his ass and get him spending more time looking for work and less working on axes (he's a forestey and competes in lumberjack competitions) he doens't need, reading maple syrup forums for hours on end, etc. He knows the situtation we are in and are going to be in. He knows we still need to pay for his truck once it is done being worked on (should be around $1,000). He knows that after we graduate, we no longer have extra financial aide to help pay bills. He knows that I lose my jobs in the next month or so. But he doesn't really move and get things done. Helping with house chores is great but I need him to help with finances by looking for earnestly for a job. And I've explained this but nothing changes. Do I just let it go? Because frankly, I'm stressed out by the atitude. He thinks something will come along and we'll be fine. I think we BOTH need to be out there looking not just me.

Julie aka "Browneyes"

SW-150
Goal 1- 145
Goal 2- 140
Goal 3- 130
GW- 125

Life isn't about waiting for storms to pass-- it's about learning to dance in the rain.
loggerswife.blogspot.com


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CSTEVENSON's Photo CSTEVENSON Posts: 1,539
4/3/08 9:53 A

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Julie it's tough to be on a tight budget, but so worth it. Keep up the good work. For the sewing machine, check if there is a repair shop in your town...sometimes they will buy older machines or sell them on consignment.

As for hubby, you didn't mention if he helps out with the finances, paying the bills, etc. My hubby doesn't...it stresses him out and he is working two jobs now, so I take care of it. But if he didn't have the second job, I would ask him to sit down either weekly, bi-weekly or monthly...whatever works for the two of you...just to take a look at where things are.

If he resists, remind him that it's no good for either of you for only one of you to know what's going on. That you need the peace of mind of him knowing where things stand and what needs to be done in the event of an emergency. Once you get him on board with that, then maybe seeing the financial big picture regularly will remind him of where things are and what is needed.

Of course if he already helps with the planning and budgetting, then you have to be patient, and maybe start setting goals with him...like saving for something you both really want...provided enough money comes in...might motivate him a little to do more than just get by.

Live by what you love and not by what you fear - author unknown


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4/3/08 9:04 A

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Thanks for the advise. I do most of it but it nice to have a reminder.

I bought all my cleaning supplies/air freshener (we have a very small apt. and the bathroom is right in the middle of everything. it's needed) when I had a huge packet of coupons for them. So got those pretty cheap andshould last me until we both get "real" jobs.

I don't think I've bought alcohol in about 4 months other than 2 beers out at the bar. Better on my wallet, better on my figure. :) I also don't drink too often so what I have here, has been here since summer.

I have made the sacrifice and started buying Suave again. And my husband has always used the grocery store's version of Pert.

I do a lovely trick some people hate. I buy one cheap (like $.79 for a 20 oz) bottle of water. We have a water filter pitcher we bought years ago when we lived in the dorms (yellow water). So I just refill it. I do have a bunch of Nalgenes from when I was in high school but I find that they are too big and I drink less that way.


I'm trying to mend. But where my jeans ripped, very hard to mend. But I think I'm going to use the worst pair to cut up and mend the better pair and keep them for barn pants. And I'm going to Goodwill tomorrow to buy a couple pairs of jeans.

I make everything from scratch. It is how I was brought up. And we tapped my parents' trees and already have made almost 2 gallon of maple syrup. So we won't have to by syrup for a veeeerrrry long time.

I think the only thing I can't do that you suggested is get rid of the cell phones. We don't have a land line and only have the cell phones. But I have taken to paying a set amount each month so there is a credit on my account. So eventually one month when we can't pay, there will be enough credit to pay it for us.

Right now we are doing ok but I worry about May as that is a big transition month. So I'm trying to get started on cutting back right now. but it is really hard to cut back when you already are. The only things I have bought since October just because I wanted it was a quilting book off Amazon wicked cheap and items that I got "free" with gift cards from the wedding and store credit from returning a wedding gift. I think that is the worst part. I've got back so far and yet, it doesn't seem to make a difference. My husband is finally getting the hint and has stopped buying gas station coffee unless we are going to my parents' which is once a week until maple syrup season in done. We're both incredibly bad at making coffee or else it wouldn't be an issue.

It is starting to feel like the only option is to make more money but I can't right now. I've sold so much of the stuff we don't need/use any more. I used to take everything to Goodwill but now I evaluate its worth first. If I can sell it, I try. I'm even trying to sell my old (1970s) sewing machine as I'm getting a better, free one from my grandmother. No luck yet.

Julie aka "Browneyes"

SW-150
Goal 1- 145
Goal 2- 140
Goal 3- 130
GW- 125

Life isn't about waiting for storms to pass-- it's about learning to dance in the rain.
loggerswife.blogspot.com


 current weight: 153.5 
 
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4/3/08 6:53 A

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lishdn is a very good listener and chatter for you as you have similar problems
im coming from a different angle as an older mum im not giving emotional support like lishnd can for you but just to say that while your in this situation budget budget budget !!!

to put that my way dont buy anything at all that you want.... ONLY buy what you NEED. THIS IS A HUGE DIFFERENCE.
try to cook from scratch it saves a fortune.
use a shopping list and dont let hubby do it
if it makes you mad THINK your doing this to keep yourself out of debt

make do and mend ...sew

you dont need all those fancy airfresheners and cleaners ... all they do is pollute the air ... use washing up liquid... the cheapest of course
you dont need perfumes and deoderants etc try soap and water again cheapest


it is amazing the tiny amount of money that you can actually live on and then you find where your true happiness lies in spending time with friends and family chatting over coffee ,taking sandwiches for a walk and picnic,feeding the ducks,go for a swim

DITCH the expensive alcohol oh and also ditch bottled water

mobile phones and big cars are not necessary and in fact when you get rid of them you get peace and are no longer at everybodies beck and calll ... your life becomes your own again.

i know my views are quite contraversial but im a mother of a huge happy family doing it the oldfashioned way and living without debt

this way we can use all the money i/we save to help each other ou and also to spend our leisure time together . i could not afford to go out and dance and socialise like i and my family do if did not take these drastic steps with the budget

and believe it or not half the time nobody even notices that we are on a budget it just becomes a way of life

buy bent and damaged tins out of date food (its still good for a long time ) shop as the shop is shutting for all the reduced items (gives lots of variety in the food budget that otherwise i could not afford)

happiness comes from within

Edited by: MISSCHANTILLY at: 4/3/2008 (06:55)
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4/2/08 7:28 P

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Wish I had advise for you but what I do have is a sympathetic ear...my DH acts the same. He has graduated, thank goodness, but school is the only thing he really does excel in. But when it comes to work, I just don't see the effort that I would put into it if I were him. I don't like the way he puts away the dishes, but I don't nag him to do it my way...he has to find his own way. We have to determine our limits with people in our lives, what are we willing to take from people. We have to comply to those boundaries. I will not do the bulk of the house work when DH is not employed, he was recently laid off, he always gets laid off. So I leave him a list of chores. Ironically enough, I once was afraid to be a nag so I chose not to ask him to do things, but then I realized it only causes resentment from me. So once I started leaving him with lots of chores, he became happier, less lazy, more into looking for work and even working out...its like he needed to have some type of responsibility to be happy, just didn't really know how to go about it. Thats what happens when you fall for a man who is living with his mom, he was 20 years old and a full time college student but the fact is, he never really learned to live on his own...I had to teach him many, many things that came naturally for me. But I also moved out on my own the day after I graduated High School. So I suggest creating boundaries, what are you willing to put up with and what can he do to meet those boundaries you have set. Being a nag is not a good thing, but having a conversation about what is on your mind is a very good thing. Be kind, optimistic, understanding, no blaming, shouting or finger pointing...just converse the subject with him, t.v. off, no video games in the background, just him looking into your eyes and you looking into his. If the conversation gets heated, end it and pick it up another day...give him enough to think about how this affects you both, because it does affect you both. I have gone through this situation a lot. We even moved to a new state where jobs were abundant and yet he still gets laid off. He is at a junior level programmer, its a tough industry but there is much more he could be doing other than programming, but he needs to be the one that comes to terms with that. So I ask him about his dreams, other jobs of interest, I see the excitement in his eyes and he is off applying to those positions. One major rule of thumb that I have incorporated is this, you cannot change others, but changing yourself sometimes changes everything. Chin up and have love in your heart, the rest will follow.

The only thing you can change is yourself, but sometimes that changes everything.



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4/2/08 6:57 P

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Not really a help for others but more of a general rant with a need for advice/support. May be a bit long as I need to explain first.

I graduate college May 10th. My husband has one summer class to take to finish up his degree. I signed him up in Friday since he kept putting it off. Since it is only one class, we cannot get any financial aid. That is $1,031 out of pocket for us.

Meanwhile, one of my jobs(campus daycare) ends as soon as I graduate (I was hired for a student position) and the other (afterschool program) ends as soon as the school system lets out for summer. And it is a 30 minute one way commute, only $7.25/hr for only 14 hours a week. And I don't see eye to eye with my boss's childcare philosophy. So I need to find a new job ASAP. I have a possiblity of something just for the summer (at the daycare) that would pay enough to get by but would end the beginning of August. I have a resume in at a place but it is new and does not have a listed phone number yet. I mailed my stuff in a week ago but cannot call to make my presence known.

My husband has a job in the summer's and breaks in his field. He has called and e-mailed twice spanning 3.5 weeks and has not heard. He has called on other place. But he is not really working at finding a job. I am currently working 2 jobs and taking 15 credits. He is not working at all and taking 7 credits. So this really frustrates me.

What can I do to help encourage him to find a job without being a nag? He knows all the facts. To pay all our current bills (we may not be able to move this summer like we wanted), we both need to make about $300/wk. And that is without any extra bills and we don't have things like cable. The only unneccesary expense we have is a Netflix account.

We have discussed and discussed our financial situtation but he does not seem to see how important this is. It is really stressing me out.

Julie aka "Browneyes"

SW-150
Goal 1- 145
Goal 2- 140
Goal 3- 130
GW- 125

Life isn't about waiting for storms to pass-- it's about learning to dance in the rain.
loggerswife.blogspot.com


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