I agree that outside help may be needed. It sounds like you are headed in the right direction with the website that was given to you. I know that there are some "military high schools" that may help. (A friend of mine sent her son to one and he really turned himself around.) Good luck. I find that boys are more challenging than girls. At least in my experience. Hang in there.
I sure wish you the best with your son. I had two thoughts reading your story. One is that you might want to get a physician to rule out depression. It's not terribly uncommon in teen aged kids, and can cause some major family upheaval. The second is that if he can get into the navy, it might not be a bad idea for him. He may not be eligible, however, without a high school diploma - standards fluctuate according to military need. It might be worth talking to a recruiter. Again, best wishes to you.
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.
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OMG! I've just looked at the empoweringparents.com website. Looks like I'm having the same problems as loads of other parents. Thanks Shauna. The articles on 'The Adult Child' have helped loads. I think its time to plan, for my young man to take some responsibility for his life and stop cabbaging in his stinky pit, get off his ass, get a proper job and contribute to the cost of 'The guest house'. Considering he 'dropped out of school' he must understand that we are not going to fund his decisions. Don't get me wrong, I'll provide food, a roof over his head and a family full of support. But he has to play by the rules. Thank you empowering parents for backing what I know is right, for understanding how teenagers can turn the tables to make it all my fault and my responsibility. Looks like I'll carry on with my tough parenting regime. Oh by the way, my son was woken up at 09.00am with the rest of the family to eat breakfast, and given he's declined the offer of a family day out, I suggested that while we are out, he iron his clothing ready for job hunting Monday, then tidy his room and do the laundry. Guess who's ironing.......................When we get back we're having a family meeting to discuss his future in our house hold.............x
Thanks Shauna, That's the only thing we haven't tried. I've involved grandparents but no one outside. I suppose I've always thought its our responsibility so it comes down to us. You feel like its all your fault, bad parenting etc. No one prepares you for teens especially when your little perfect boy changes so quickly. I keep thinking what have we done: too much or too little. Then there's the embarrassment and of feeling ashamed. I've got to the stage that I'll try anything. Cause at the minute I'm wishing his life away, waiting for him to grow into a man and realise that life isn't all peaches and cream and we're not the ogres he makes us out to be. He's got a good support system and family who love him.
I have a son that has challenged me in all sorts of ways also. He just turned 18 and has made the call to move out on his own - I cried! He is so young and so much to learn but this is the sort of thing he has to learn on his own.
Your situation is different - in that - it has illegal aspects to it that scream HELP!!!
I am NO expert! So....
As tough as it is, there comes a point where you have to think that this may require some outside help. We are parents and we want to do the best we can - it looks as if you have. You have 2 other teens that are looking for guidence through this too, where will it stop?
Like I said, I am not an expert but it might be time to enlist in one. I had another friend on line here that suggested a website as well - have a look. http://www.empoweringparents.com/ Best of luck! Shauna
My 17 year old son has had the worst year ever. I don't know what else to do.
I caught him smoking weed at the start of the year. I think he's stopped, he says he's stopped, but he lies sometimes. The police have brought him back, a 2nd time for noise disturbance at a house. Now he wants to join the NAVY. We've gone from one extreme to the other Encouraging good behaviour, Crying, Hugging, Shouting, Grounding him talking to others. He's been stopped from seeing some friends that have been involved in bad decision making. He says he's not led and does things on his own. but thats worse if he knows what he's doing and still gets into trouble. I've sat with him, supported him and shown him that we are here for him. I've shown him how much he's hurting others and even though we love him he's breaking my heart. I don't know what else to do! He's dropped out of 6th form schooling, He's a bright kid and was on route to getting good grades. We said you don't have to go down an academic route and that there are many choices. We offered to take him to show him whats on offer ( apprenticeships, jobs, college etc. We've also given him months without our input to make his own decisions, and HE did go and get a leaflet delivery job ( he hates it and get minimal pay for walking 12miles a day). But now after Christmas he only gets 1-2 days work a week and mopes around the house or gets into more trouble. He used to play County basketball, swim for a club and still plays guitar (having lessons) but he dropped everything. So for someone who was popular, active and healthy he's completely changed. He lies, is deceitful, hangs around the streets when not grounded and still smokes but thinks we can't smell it. WHAT MORE CAN I DO? I'm at my wits end.
Thank you guys for listening. I have two younger teenage girls, good girls and fear that they are being influenced
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