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BLUSKYS's Photo BLUSKYS Posts: 140
6/6/13 11:43 A

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About 16 years ago I became pregnant in high school (senior year). My son just finished his sophomore year, and since I had a stroke 10 years later and can no longer have children, it was a blessing in disguise.

I had protected sex. I used a condom. Two forms of birth control are more secure. I talk about sex with my son occasionally, and safe sex is not taboo since that's how he came into the world. I don't think he's sexually active yet, but I wasn't sexually active until I was 17.

I hope it all works out.

ABRANNEWME2014's Photo ABRANNEWME2014 Posts: 51,125
5/29/13 9:26 P

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That's good that you allowed her to come to you Lucy for the answers that she needs regarding the subject

If You're tired or starting over stop giving up

Tema - Matteson IL

"Tenacity is the quality displayed by someone who just won't quit -- who keeps trying until they reach their goal. Anything really worth doing takes persistence, perseverance, and stubborn determination! I AM a Tenacious Jungle Tiger and these are my survival skills!!"

www.beachbodycoach.com/ABRANNEWME201
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5/29/13 4:22 P

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I know this was posted long ago but I thought I would comment anyway. My oldest is 11 and going to middle school next year. I talked to her about sex about 3 weeks ago. I was 18 before I had sex and my mom never talked to me about it. To this day the topic of sex will make my mom blush. lol. I wanted her to know that it was a natural thing and that I would like her to wait until she was older to have sex, but if she did want to, to make sure that it was her decision and only her decision and that she doesn't have to do anything that she doesn't want to. I also wanted to open up the line of communication on the subject. We talked about several things and she asked questions. I just didn't want her to hear things at school and not know any better.

100% of the shots you don't take don't go in.



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COACHMOMMY's Photo COACHMOMMY Posts: 286
11/6/12 11:38 A

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I just saw this and thought I'd comment. My almost 17 year old girl has her first "serious" boyfriend. Both she and the 14 year old DD have been on Acutane (acne medication that works wonders) and just finished up last month. They still had to do a "pledge" at their last visit that they weren't having sex and if so, using 2 forms of birth control (CYA by the FDA because the drug can cause birth defects, so they are very strict!). They also had to have a pregnancy test every month! So up until this month I knew my girls weren't having sex! We've talked about it a few times after their dermatologist visits, so it's really been an extra "safe sex lesson". Now, I'd like to believe that my girls will wait until at least college, but I'm not completely naive. Now that DD#1 has this boyfriend (and is now done with Acutane), I guess we'll have another talk. One good thing (and I think another parent mentioned this) is that the boy lives about 45 mins. away and goes to another high school. Both of them are almost 17, but neither one can drive yet. He's a little closer to getting the driver's license, but that won't be until March. So the couple of times they've gotten together, I had to take/pick-up her to their "date" at the Mall and he came to a party/bonfire at our house on Saturday with a friend. Now I know when "there's a will, there's a way", but I told DH there's worse things than our daughter having a "long distance" relationship! We have a little more control now on when they get together.

I guess as parents of teens (I have 3 girls, 17, 14 & 12), the best we can hope is that we've done the best we can to teach good values and open communication, but let's face it, teens aren't the best at making good choices! Prayer helps and a little faith in your children!

Edited by: COACHMOMMY at: 11/6/2012 (11:40)
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10/20/12 9:36 A

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WOW!!! You all are wonderful parents!!!! Keep up the GREAT work!!!!!!

Oh ya, PRAY LOTS!!!

Blessings are coming your way!!
Rhonda


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ZAKLA500 SparkPoints: (109)
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10/20/12 12:34 A

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I have a 13 yr. old daughter. When i have the sex talk with her she freeze up and say mom am not thinking about sex now.I let her know that I would like her to wait until she is older, but I also let her know that if she feels she can't wait to have sex to come to me. Then we would go to our doctor together and check out options to keep her safe from STDS and becomming a teen mother. I keep stresing how she should wait but ifshe can't to come to me so we can take actions to keep hersafe. As a parent the only thing you can do is pray , inform the on sexual matters , and let them know your views on the subject, and that it's okay to come to you for help if they decide to have sexso you can help keep them safe. If you are doing these things then you are doing great already. I admire you for offering him condoms to keep him safe. This is a different world that our children are growing up in.

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10/12/12 12:50 P

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I have a 13 yr girl. I have tried to talk to her about these kind of things too. Lately, she barely talks to me at all. if I ask her questions about anything, I get an attitude from her. Or an "I don't know". guess its just the teen phase. I pray she is not having sex either at this young an age. Short of actually catching her doing this, I am not sure what is going on. She is an only child and I hope that seeing her older cousins experiences and the consequences of their actions, will deter her from doing anything. We have daily drama from them so....maybe it will help her see to make different decisions.

We were teenagers once, and now we know what are parents went through. Lol. We will get thru these years too.

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10/4/12 7:39 P

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you are welcome...i have a 21 yr old son and soon to be 17 yr old daughter...so i have been there and can sympathize dearly...all we can do is educate and leave the rest to God!!!

All things are possible with God!!!


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ABRANNEWME2014's Photo ABRANNEWME2014 Posts: 51,125
10/4/12 7:26 P

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Thanks Kim I totally agree with you...

If You're tired or starting over stop giving up

Tema - Matteson IL

"Tenacity is the quality displayed by someone who just won't quit -- who keeps trying until they reach their goal. Anything really worth doing takes persistence, perseverance, and stubborn determination! I AM a Tenacious Jungle Tiger and these are my survival skills!!"

www.beachbodycoach.com/ABRANNEWME201
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KIMBOLEAN SparkPoints: (16,714)
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10/4/12 5:45 P

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Unfortunately, as parents, we do not want to think of our kids having sex...neither do our kids want to think about their parents sexual activity either...but it is inevitable...we are all human with desires and wants...just make sure your children have the right information about sex, pregnancy and STD's...there are free clinics all over the US that gives free birth control and condoms out...we just need to educate...being a nurse...we have always been open and honest about sex and the human body in my home...i think giving them an open, loving environment to discuss anything is a good place to start without the risk of getting in trouble or parents getting mad...we just have to be a good source of accurate information and provide them with tools needed to make good healthy decisions regarding their bodies and their actions...and pray constantly never hurts!!! Be blessed all!!!!

All things are possible with God!!!


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MAMAHOYT's Photo MAMAHOYT SparkPoints: (12,681)
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10/1/12 11:18 P

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I have a 17 year old son who got with a girl this summer that pressured him into sex. But I have always been very open with him and his is very honest with me. Now my 14 year old daughter tells me stories from school about 12 year old that are pregnant and I live in the Bible Belt....

All we can do is give them the tools to life, they have to make their decisions.

Brandy

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ABRANNEWME2014's Photo ABRANNEWME2014 Posts: 51,125
10/1/12 5:13 P

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Oh Rhonda I didn't think about that and I will certainly let him know to ask for more if needed...thanks

If You're tired or starting over stop giving up

Tema - Matteson IL

"Tenacity is the quality displayed by someone who just won't quit -- who keeps trying until they reach their goal. Anything really worth doing takes persistence, perseverance, and stubborn determination! I AM a Tenacious Jungle Tiger and these are my survival skills!!"

www.beachbodycoach.com/ABRANNEWME201
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10/1/12 10:16 A

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Also let him know if he needs more condoms, let you know. He might be embarrassed, so let him write you a note and they just show up on his dresser or something. Just another thought, did you show him how to use the condom?? I would say, use a banana. It maybe embarrassing, but condoms only work if they are put on right.

I would also not get too worried if you son asks for more condoms in a short amount of time. He maybe sharing with his friends. Just something to think about.

You are doing a great job!!!! Being a parent these days, is hard!! BUT you have one thing on your side, YOU COMMUNICATE WITH HIM!!! Way to go!!!

Blessings are coming your way!!
Rhonda


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9/30/12 3:53 P

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That's all you can hope for. Remember you're a good MOM and you're doing a good job raising your kids. It will get easier (one day)...

Keep sparkin'! emoticon

Jennifer


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ABRANNEWME2014's Photo ABRANNEWME2014 Posts: 51,125
9/28/12 1:56 P

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Thank you Jennifer so much...I talked to him and he listened to me and said he wasn't having sex still but did take the condoms from me and said if he were going to have sex he would use them so that's partly what I wanted....

If You're tired or starting over stop giving up

Tema - Matteson IL

"Tenacity is the quality displayed by someone who just won't quit -- who keeps trying until they reach their goal. Anything really worth doing takes persistence, perseverance, and stubborn determination! I AM a Tenacious Jungle Tiger and these are my survival skills!!"

www.beachbodycoach.com/ABRANNEWME201
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TXTOAD9970's Photo TXTOAD9970 SparkPoints: (47,468)
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9/28/12 12:49 P

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My husband was 14 when he started having sex. I am pretty sure his parents didn't know until much later and they didn't have a talk with him or give him condoms!

You are doing all you can to try to be there for your son. If you push it much more you won't get anything out of him. Supplying him with condoms is definitely a good idea since he probably can't or wouldn't want to get them for himself. As other people have commented, I would suggest letting him talk with a male family member if one is available (grandfather, uncle, etc.). Maybe he will feel more comfortable opening up to a male figure instead of Mom.

Telling his therapist is also a good idea since the therapist may be able to discuss this subject in the "safe" environment of therapy. Even though the therapist won't tell you what they talked about, maybe they can give you the piece of mind that your son is practicing safe sex?

Jennifer


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9/26/12 10:41 P

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My son is 17 and I don't think he's had sex. He had a girlfriend for about a year and a half. She lived in a different town and they would only see each other once or twice a month when we or her parents would drive them to each other's house. They were never alone in my house and I don't think they were in hers either. They split up and he hasn't had a regular girlfriend since. He's dated a few girls but nothing's ever gone beyond the first date.

He just recently started talking to a girl in another town on Facebook. He goes to a regional high school so his classmates come from all over. He also has a part time job and meets kids from other towns, so he meets these girls through friends. This one seems special. He keeps bringing her up in conversation. I've asked him a few times if he has a crush on her and he said yes. This morning he told me she asked him to go on a date. I guess this generation of girls is more assertive than their mothers were. I think the one guy I asked on a date ended up being married!! emoticon

Edited by: JUDY1260 at: 9/26/2012 (22:44)
Judy
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ABRANNEWME2014's Photo ABRANNEWME2014 Posts: 51,125
9/24/12 7:50 P

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Judy thank you....

You must think I live in the dark ages....it's just I was 20yrs old when I experienced sex and relationships for the first time and I just thought he would wait until he was at least a senior in high school....good old fashion thinking I guess...I will do what you suggest because I don't want my son to think I'm mad with him I just want to to know the importance of what he's doing....So I will just ask him to listen to me without him saying a word I guess....that works for me I just want him to know how important this is and should be to him and yes I know he's young but that's when you learn to respect your body and any young lady also....thanks again for your suggestions....

If You're tired or starting over stop giving up

Tema - Matteson IL

"Tenacity is the quality displayed by someone who just won't quit -- who keeps trying until they reach their goal. Anything really worth doing takes persistence, perseverance, and stubborn determination! I AM a Tenacious Jungle Tiger and these are my survival skills!!"

www.beachbodycoach.com/ABRANNEWME201
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MJREIMERS's Photo MJREIMERS Posts: 4,531
9/24/12 7:47 P

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Is there a male friend that could talk to him? Or does he have an uncle or grandfather that could sit down and have a chat with him?

We've always talked openly and honestly about sex in my house. Even over dinner. My girls haven't had a boyfriend, yet. They are 17 and almost 16. They are too busy they tell me.

I do know girls today are much more assertive. My 14 and 12 year old boys get calls from girls and messages. It's kind of scary. The girls even said that girls are more assertive.

Good luck. I hope it goes well.

~Mako~


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9/24/12 1:01 P

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"When did kids 14 start having sex and why is this acceptable"

I'm 51 years old and high school kids were having sex when I was that age. I'm not saying it's acceptable, but it isn't new.

If I were in your situation (not having a male for him to talk to), I'd talk to him anyway. Just tell him "it's ok if you don't want to talk, but at least listen to me." Then explain that if he's having sex with his girlfriend that it's important for them both to be protected. Give him the condoms and let him know that even though you don't condone him having sex, if he IS going to do it then please use them. Let him know that even though he doesn't want to talk to you now, you'll always be here to listen if he changes his mind. Then give him some space. I think he's not talking because he's uncomfortable and embarrassed that he was caught. What teenage boy expects his mother to find a pair of girls' panties in his room? It's got to be hard for him to not have a father or older brother to talk to. Does he have an uncle or older male cousin he can confide in?

I'd also make a rule of no girls in the house when you're not home and absolutely no closed bedroom doors (when a girl is visiting) even if you are home.

Edited by: JUDY1260 at: 9/24/2012 (13:03)
Judy
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ABRANNEWME2014's Photo ABRANNEWME2014 Posts: 51,125
9/23/12 2:16 P

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So I think that my 14 yr old is now having sex....So I went out and got him some condoms right away and wanted to have a talk with him about it but he refused to talk to me...I've always been able to talk with him in the past about everything...He tells me alot believe me but he wont confess that he did sex....it all started about a month ago when my younger son came to me and told me that my 14yr old let some girl in the house in his room while I was out and that he thinks they were having sex in his room...I immediately questioned my son about this not in an angry way but I did question him and wanted him to talk to me about it...but he denied it...wasn't much else I could do with it except let it go

Well yesterday while cleaning his room and yes I still have to help him clean that room every now and then...lol.....I discovered a pair of girl panties in his closet....now what am I to think so I once again questioned him about it...He just said he don't know how they got there and that he's not having sex.....I don't believe him and I hate saying that he lying but I think he's lying for sure...When did kids 14 start having sex and why is this acceptable....while I try to explain to him about using condoms and protecting himself he just don't want to hear it...

This would be great if he had a father to talk to but I did a single parent adoption and while I don't regret that I do regret him not having a male that he can talk to about this....I'm completely shocked that he wont talk to me about it...like I said earlier he chats about everything with me...especially he if thinks something is wrong he's a real chatter box but not about this....

What are your thoughts....I want to tell his therapist maybe he'll talk to them but then I still wouldn't know as the therapist wont share that with me...but it would give him someone to talk to about it....

If You're tired or starting over stop giving up

Tema - Matteson IL

"Tenacity is the quality displayed by someone who just won't quit -- who keeps trying until they reach their goal. Anything really worth doing takes persistence, perseverance, and stubborn determination! I AM a Tenacious Jungle Tiger and these are my survival skills!!"

www.beachbodycoach.com/ABRANNEWME201
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