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SCHATZY25's Photo SCHATZY25 Posts: 1,057
4/19/11 9:09 A

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Thanks so much MINICOOPER.



Sometimes you just have to smile, pretend everything is okay, hold back the tears and just walk away.

The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not.
Thomas Jefferson

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4/18/11 9:33 A

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Your daughter sounds like an amazing person.................and you can tell her that from me!!! What a wonderful foot-forward to try to befriend this person instead of just chalkin' it up and walking away. Good luck to her today. I'm praying.

MiniCoop aka: MamaCoop aka: Carla
Dum Spiro, Spero: "While I breathe, I hope"
"God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change ... the courage to change the one I can ... and the wisdom to know it's me."
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SCHATZY25's Photo SCHATZY25 Posts: 1,057
4/18/11 6:39 A

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I totally agree with you on this. If you do nothing you encourage this behavior.

My daughter went out with her and found she is nice but she also gets into moods that make her do or say things without thinking. Things that are hurtful to others. So she tried to tell her it's not nice to do that and it's mean. I don't know and my daughter doesn't know if things will get better between the two of them but at least she tried. will see how things are when she goes back to school today.....



Sometimes you just have to smile, pretend everything is okay, hold back the tears and just walk away.

The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not.
Thomas Jefferson

MZWHITLEY's Photo MZWHITLEY SparkPoints: (3,246)
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4/15/11 8:50 A

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Hmmmm. Hard to tell from your post but I wouldn't think this girl's disability should be a reason to do nothing about her behavior. Sounds like an opportunity to something that will help both girls. Don't worry too much about the meds- they can help break a cycle, she doesn't have to stay on them forever, and if she doesn't get any benefit, she can stop taking them.

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SCHATZY25's Photo SCHATZY25 Posts: 1,057
4/14/11 10:50 A

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So frustrated about this whole thing. I went back to the school. Made an appointment with the school counselor which we had yesterday. Talked for almost 2 hours. He didn't know much since my daughter didn't go back to report to him what is going on.

I let him know that is is another girl now that does this. I guess the others are more "quiet" now. emoticon The counselor told me and my husband that this "new" girl is a bit slow and does things without thinking. I know a person with a disability sometimes doesn't know what he/she does or says (we have that with my husband who had a stroke last year) but I can't let this slide. I don't let it slide from my husband either and he needs to be reminded.

Seems like this other girl is giving my daughter a hard time because she is best friends with a friend she (the bully) is also a friend with and the bully hates that.

Have my daughter back in counseling, twice a week now. Just called for an appointment to get her on meds. I feel so bad about the med part that I feel it's my fault. Why can't I protect her better?

It's so bad with my daughter that she had a close call with something she would regret later. The thing is she is starting to bully her siblings at home now and back talks to me and DH. She has anger issues that need to be addressed. Fast.

Thanks for all the prayers and support. emoticon

Sometimes you just have to smile, pretend everything is okay, hold back the tears and just walk away.

The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not.
Thomas Jefferson

MZWHITLEY's Photo MZWHITLEY SparkPoints: (3,246)
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4/11/11 7:36 P

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I'm sorry this is happening to your daughter. I appreciate the frustration. Sounds like you don't have options to move her. There are programs starting to pop up that look effective. Maybe you can get one started in her school.

I like this one

http://abclocal.go.com/kfsn/story?sectio
n=news/education&id=8035668

because I've seen a similar approach be very effective- essentially the idea is to reach the silent majority. The kids that are neither bullies nor bullied can be taught to speak up and protect their community from bullying.





Edited by: MZWHITLEY at: 4/11/2011 (19:41)
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MINICOOPER452's Photo MINICOOPER452 SparkPoints: (184,793)
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4/9/11 12:11 P

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Awe man! What a terrible bummer. I thought maybe we had this one licked. Shoot. Well, back to praying for your baby-girl and back to the grindstone for you. Good luck, hon.

MiniCoop aka: MamaCoop aka: Carla
Dum Spiro, Spero: "While I breathe, I hope"
"God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change ... the courage to change the one I can ... and the wisdom to know it's me."
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SCHATZY25's Photo SCHATZY25 Posts: 1,057
4/8/11 10:23 A

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Found out thru a really bad episode of a "breakdown" of my daughter that things are just the same and not changed. She just kept it inside of her.

My daughter started looking into boarding school and other places for her to get away but we can't afford them. DH is disabled and on disability pay now. Then she wanted to Cyberschool which would be an option but she needs to be motivated to do the work and also I would need to keep an eye on her more.

Called the school counselor this am and told him what I had found out. He was going to talk to my daughter again right after the call and I am going to meet the counselor on Tuesday am. I also called my daughter's counselor and had her make time for an appointment (she will see her during the counselor's lunch time).

Have to go and get DH up since I have to take him along.

Sometimes you just have to smile, pretend everything is okay, hold back the tears and just walk away.

The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not.
Thomas Jefferson

MINICOOPER452's Photo MINICOOPER452 SparkPoints: (184,793)
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4/7/11 12:35 P

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I'm really sorry that your son had to go through that and continues to "suffer" for standing up. Unfortunately, that's why it's so important to document everything that happens leading up to an event like that. Though your school, superintendent, and state wouldn't do anything about it then, if you have that documentation still, you do have the power to get that decision and his record reversed. Think about it.

MiniCoop aka: MamaCoop aka: Carla
Dum Spiro, Spero: "While I breathe, I hope"
"God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change ... the courage to change the one I can ... and the wisdom to know it's me."
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WHIPPEACHZ's Photo WHIPPEACHZ Posts: 391
4/6/11 12:06 P

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Just be cautious, my son was being bullied and he finally stood up for himself. The school refused to do anything but give pat answers and the superintendent, and head of state office refused to get involved because they let the individuals decide in their own schools. The kids put him upside down in a trashcan at school. He came out fighting and ended up suspended and in court. He was charged with battery and it went on his record because he ripped one of the kids shirts. It was three kids word against him and a camera that only showed half the fight. Seems like having stuff in his hair from the trashcan wasn't enough proof. I had to pull him out of the school and place him in a private school. Of course now he's doing great, but that record follows him now and he has to be so careful because he has a record of being aggressive. This kid is the sweetest most gentle boy I know, very artistic. Next year he has to go back into the public school for high school, but his brother's will be in the school with him and have promised to watch his back. We have also encouraged him to build himself up, and he's joined the pre-football where he can weight train and get fit so this won't happen again.

“If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again.” -- Flavia Weedn


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SCHATZY25's Photo SCHATZY25 Posts: 1,057
4/6/11 7:32 A

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I totally agree with you, MZWHITLEY. My daughter's school has a very strict bullying policy but nothing in how to teach kids not to be a victim or how to deal with the aftermath of being bullied.

If I would know how and had the time I would start a foundation in how to teach kids not to be a victim and how to deal with that. But right now I have no time or patience. Too many other things going on at home with DH...

Sometimes you just have to smile, pretend everything is okay, hold back the tears and just walk away.

The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not.
Thomas Jefferson

MINICOOPER452's Photo MINICOOPER452 SparkPoints: (184,793)
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4/2/11 11:58 A

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emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
YEAH! I am so proud of her! That is fantastic!

MiniCoop aka: MamaCoop aka: Carla
Dum Spiro, Spero: "While I breathe, I hope"
"God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change ... the courage to change the one I can ... and the wisdom to know it's me."
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MZWHITLEY's Photo MZWHITLEY SparkPoints: (3,246)
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4/2/11 7:25 A

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That's wonderful! The schools say they do anti bullying programs, but they don't seem to teach kids how not to be victims. Her new skill will benefit her a lifetime!

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SCHATZY25's Photo SCHATZY25 Posts: 1,057
4/1/11 8:50 P

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Sorry, it's been a long time to reply to this topic.

My daughter's bullying is better, meaning she really stood up for herself. I don't know all the details but she grabbed one of the tormentors by the neck and told them off. I told her to do whatever she needed to do to stop that stuff and I would support her in everything she would do to defend herself. Not starting but defending.

I will continue to check up on her with the school and see if things are back to "normal". Right now she is happy and that couldn't make me feel better.

Thanks for all your support and advice. I will keep you updated!


Sometimes you just have to smile, pretend everything is okay, hold back the tears and just walk away.

The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not.
Thomas Jefferson

MZWHITLEY's Photo MZWHITLEY SparkPoints: (3,246)
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4/1/11 7:54 P

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Do you have any ability to move your daughter to another school? I know this isn't always an option, or not an easy one. We faced this decision with our daughter when she was 16. Our situation wasn't directly bullying, so we didnt have a policy to work with. But the environment had her completely stressed in a way that this thread is describing. I reached the tipping point one Sunday night whan she left her grandfather's 90th birthday dinner, sick with anxiety about going to school on Monday. I kept her home and sent a note to her school guidance saying I was withdrawing her as soon as I found her a new placement. We're furtunate to live in an urban area with lots of private options, and to have the ability to fund a private high school for a few years. We spent the next 2 weeks scurrying from school to school and had her placed in that 2 week period.. Her counselor was stunned at how fast we moved once the decision was made. That was 2 years ago this week. The improvement wasn't overnight, but it did come. Looking back I have no doubt It was the best desicion I've made in my entire 50 years.

Edited by: MZWHITLEY at: 4/1/2011 (20:03)
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HEALTHYME75's Photo HEALTHYME75 Posts: 26
3/30/11 1:14 P

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How sad that kids have to endure this... from past experiences from my own and my son's, I have to say get your daughter in counseling and into an activity she enjoys away from the school. Finding people and activities away from the stress will help show her there is life elsewhere and there are people out there who care. Have her take self defense classes that will help her improve not only her self esteem but confidence that she could defend herself physically if it came to that. Have her completely ignore the bullies, no response at all, no eye contact, no talking, no looking at them and have her also make sure she is around a group of people and never alone. If you can't take and pick her up at school, have a friend or other family member do it so she does not have to worry about the bus. Have her try and meet other kids outside that "group" of bullies to find others that can be friends without the drama. Since it sounds like the school is not listening and if after the ignoring does not work... I would go to the parents and simply tell them if does not stop you will be getting the police involved for every instance that occurs from here on out and have it documented. The ignoring worked for me with the girls but with the boys... And if comes to it, as a last possible option as it came to me and my son... we warned that if you did not keep bullying me I will defend myself.. did not listen so we took care of it physically... boy stop bullying me (yes I did slug that boy and broke his glasses out on the playground for all to see) and my son's bully never talked to him again. Hope it does not come to that!

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GETBACK2GOOD's Photo GETBACK2GOOD Posts: 374
3/1/11 11:40 A

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Hey Chiq...you're my idol ;) My daughter is 15 and she gets poked at with the "Your Mom fights your battles". My daughter responds with "Duh, what parent wouldn't?"

They are all afraid of the "crazy" mom in the neighborhood that won't let anyone bully her kids. Being from New York, now living in the South it's difficult because if you speak your mind and say how you feel, it is perceived as "rude" and "yankee like". It's an additional struggle :(

however, I could care less....fear me ;)

Without inspiration, the best powers of the mind remain dormant. There is a fuel in us which needs to be ignited with sparks.~~Johann Gottfried Von Herder


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MINICOOPER452's Photo MINICOOPER452 SparkPoints: (184,793)
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2/28/11 11:17 A

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Not just sometimes..............parenting is tough all the time.
Still praying.
I want to somehow say that you really need to talk to your daughter again. Chances are really, really good that if they're doing this to her, they ARE doing it to someone else too. She's not going to be standing up for just her, but for anyone who's being harassed or bullied. I know it's soooooo hard. But it definitely won't stop if she (and you) just back down. If YOU "make it worse", that's something the admin needs to know. I know that for a short period of time, an administrator walked my daughter to and from EVERY class. Not really a lot of fun, but necessary.
You need to step it up the ladder, hon. Leave a message for this so-called principal, that you're done dealing with an administrator who is not willing to do the job and you're going to the superintendent. Done. Document EVERYTHING. Write that letter and include the principal, dean, police liason, police chief, state representative, state senator, state edcuation commissioner...............I'm serious. Send them registered mail so you know that they're received. Do it! Do NOT let your daughter be bullied and do NOT let her convince you to back off just because "it's getting worse".
YOU are NOT making it worse, the bulliers are. STOP THEM!


MiniCoop aka: MamaCoop aka: Carla
Dum Spiro, Spero: "While I breathe, I hope"
"God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change ... the courage to change the one I can ... and the wisdom to know it's me."
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SCHATZY25's Photo SCHATZY25 Posts: 1,057
2/26/11 7:15 P

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Wish I had some strength to go into someones face. My daughter refuses to talk to me about her bullying now because I make it worse etc.

Sometimes it's hard to be a Mom......

Sometimes you just have to smile, pretend everything is okay, hold back the tears and just walk away.

The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not.
Thomas Jefferson

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2/26/11 9:57 A

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Yeah CHIQUENS!!! Nice job! You gotta encourage and support your kids! THAT'S OUR JOB!

MiniCoop aka: MamaCoop aka: Carla
Dum Spiro, Spero: "While I breathe, I hope"
"God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change ... the courage to change the one I can ... and the wisdom to know it's me."
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CHIQUENS's Photo CHIQUENS Posts: 191
2/25/11 11:57 P

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My 12 year old dropped out of soccer for being bullied, and I went to the coach about it. His response? "I can't see everything they do, I have 70 kids trying out for soccer" I got in his face about it. I was like REALLY?

With all the drama about kids being bullied, and kids committing suicide and even watching bullying in school, there was NO way I was letting it go. I went to the Athletic Director and the Principal. Told both of them that there was no way that was okay, and asked them what they planned to do about it. They said "what are we supposed to do" and my response was "your school has the policy, it's your JOB to enforce it". Eventually I took it high enough that the coach was let go, the students who had done the bullying were dropped from the team for poor sportsmanship, and my daughter was left alone because everyone's afraid of her mom!

You PUSH for your kid.

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MINICOOPER452's Photo MINICOOPER452 SparkPoints: (184,793)
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2/25/11 10:50 A

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She sounds like our oldest....
She's never had much time for her dad, no matter how much he tried. He gets so much more interaction and affection from the youngest (and she's going off to the Marines next year!). But now with Lacy at home with her son, and he's in LOVE with Grandpa, she's realizing what a cool guy dad is............finally. All kids go through it and I think dads have it much tougher with daughters and moms have it tough with sons.......who'da'thunk.....

MiniCoop aka: MamaCoop aka: Carla
Dum Spiro, Spero: "While I breathe, I hope"
"God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change ... the courage to change the one I can ... and the wisdom to know it's me."
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SCHATZY25's Photo SCHATZY25 Posts: 1,057
2/25/11 9:37 A

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Thanks for your response.

Things ave calmed down a bit. Or at least DD isn't talking about it anymore. She is pretty headstrong, must have that from me....

I will get thru to her about expecting special favors at home. I already cut down on things. She hates it but I can't play favors.

I told her I was there for her when she needs to talk and I will listen without giving advice if that is what she wants and needs. We told her we love her and we would be there for her. Always. But she sometimes just flips out and then it's hard to say that especially for DH. he can't understand her attitude towards him (being mean and potty mouth).



Sometimes you just have to smile, pretend everything is okay, hold back the tears and just walk away.

The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not.
Thomas Jefferson

MINICOOPER452's Photo MINICOOPER452 SparkPoints: (184,793)
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2/22/11 11:21 A

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Don't walk on those eggshells, babe! That girl still needs her mother and you still need to be in control. We went through that too. DD felt like she was so "abused" at school that she should get special treatment at home.....nah-uh. Remind her that she is not bullied at home so home is still the same, but that you'll fight to the death anyone who tries to harm her anywhere, anytime. Discipline is not bullying. Discipline is discipline. She needs to live by your rules.
I'm so glad that OLVAJE chimed in from a professional education perspective. Bullying is a crime and should not be tolerated in any way, shape or form. If one professional is not doing their job, let the ones around them know it and step it up.
I'm sorry that your "friend" has her head up her (ooooops)! That's exactly the type of response I started getting from the HS admin. Because it was happening in more than one class, it must have been DD's fault. WOAH! It had nothing to do with the FACT that these same bulliers were in FOUR out of her six classes?!?!?! They wouldn't even consider changing HER class schedule! As I've said, unfortunately, we had to pull her out and put her in our other city HS. We were lucky in that sense that we have two; most cities only have one HS and you'd be forced to open enroll. (even if you could do that) Here's one thing I'll say to that though, if you are forced to change schools, make sure and FIGHT to get them to provide transportation for her. It's their fault that she'd be in that position for not doing their jobs. You may seriously want to start looking for an attorney. Sometimes just a letter with a legal header will do the trick. (just another thought)
Still praying.....

MiniCoop aka: MamaCoop aka: Carla
Dum Spiro, Spero: "While I breathe, I hope"
"God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change ... the courage to change the one I can ... and the wisdom to know it's me."
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SCHATZY25's Photo SCHATZY25 Posts: 1,057
2/21/11 12:19 P

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No one is in the office today so I have to wait for a few days. Maybe I just make an appointment to talk to someone at the school in person.

I will give the principle another chance but then I am off higher up the food chain.

One of my friends just called and asked how things were going. I wish I never told her about my daughter and the bullying. She thinks now that it is my daughter that has the problem because everywhere she goes she is surrounded by people that bully her. Of course if the same people are at places my daughter goes to. I am tired of hearing that. It doesn't help. Maybe my daughter is easy pickings for them because she lets things get to her too easily. Still no reason.

What I noticed I am doing now is that I give her alot more leeway on things that I expect of her. I don't punish her like I do her siblings and I am more worried in how to treat her. I use kid gloves on her now and walk on egg shells......

Sometimes you just have to smile, pretend everything is okay, hold back the tears and just walk away.

The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not.
Thomas Jefferson

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2/21/11 11:15 A

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I read through all/most of the questions and responses! As an educator...I am a job coach for our district....I can tell you do NOT let this matter go. Call til your fingers fall off from dialing, talk to anyone who will listen, do not be afraid to talk to administrators at all levels. Talk to every single teacher your child has and the teachers who work next to them. Show up at school if you can and observe. Do NOT let your daughter suffer more than necessary because this is a crime and as a responsible "pre-adult" it is a grand gesture to not accept this behavior and to work to stop it so that it doesn't happen to someone else. As Mom you have her back and she needs to know you will set the example and fight all the necessary battles with her to win the war!!!! Its sounds like you are doing great....DONT give up!

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MINICOOPER452's Photo MINICOOPER452 SparkPoints: (184,793)
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2/21/11 10:10 A

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No, No, NO!!! I know she says that she doesn't want you to get involved anymore or do anymore, but you can't stop. I hope you're getting her outside help. She needs to be able to talk to a professional about this as well. BUT, you must NOT stop. Don't wait a few days. Go talk to the principal NOW. Go talk to the superintendent NOW. Go talk to the police chief NOW. And make sure that the principal and superintendent know clearly that your next stop is the police station. This is not okay. If these kids do not stop their torment, after being told it's not okay, then maybe the police can explain it to their parents!!! Make sure that you're documenting every meeting, every phone call, every contact of any kind! It's easy for me to sit here and tell you what to do. But I have been there. It does get worse before it gets better. Unfortunately, some administrators do not take this seriously. Get online and copy every single article about kids who've been bullied, committing suicide or school shootings by kids who were bullied, or even simple statistics about kids who are bullied doing poorly in academics. Then get the copy of the district's anti-bullying policy.
THROW the stack of information on the principals desk and DEMAND to know what he's going to do about it. These kids need to be suspended.....at least, of EXPELLED. He needs to mean business. And he needs to know that you mean business.......
This just makes me sick!

MiniCoop aka: MamaCoop aka: Carla
Dum Spiro, Spero: "While I breathe, I hope"
"God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change ... the courage to change the one I can ... and the wisdom to know it's me."
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SCHATZY25's Photo SCHATZY25 Posts: 1,057
2/20/11 9:10 P

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My daughter is still being bullied. Will talk to the principle again in a few days, then to the superintendent. BUT my daughter does not want me to talk to anyone anymore. She said things are much worse every time I do and she just can't handle that added stress. She wanted me to promise to not ever talk to anyone again about her bullying.

So I am at a loss. I want to help but I don't want to make things worse for her. All I can do is be here for her and just listen.

Sometimes you just have to smile, pretend everything is okay, hold back the tears and just walk away.

The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not.
Thomas Jefferson

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2/1/11 1:39 P

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My youngest is 12 and has endured bullying most of her life. She did the exact same thing your daughter is doing and it killed me to see it. (I had to do these same things for my oldest who is now 15 and in grade 11) I went over the principal's head and filed a complaint with the board against her for lack of action. Then I confronted the bullies themselves. I told them if they didn't leave her alone starting now, I'd get the school, their parents and the cops involved and if I needed to, social services to ensure that they weren't being abused themselves and this is why they were cruel, rotten kids. They all just kinda stood there and stared at me. I made it very clear not to mess with my kid anymore or I'd make good on all that. Things are much better now.

Don't be afraid to push the school system. All my kids school have always known, if they ticked me off, I'd be in their face. Things always improved. Don't be afraid of the kids either. Your daughter might not appreciate you standing up for her but she will in years to come. No need to swear at them or threaten them physically. Merely tell them you're thinking of getting a lawyer to sue their parents for harassment because of all the stress they've caused your daughter, since they're under 18 and it may not legal to sue them directly. Maybe go talk to this neighbour's boy sometime and say you know what he's saying to your daughter and you're going to see if charges for verbal assault can be file against him.

You could even set up a meeting with the principal and all those kids and hand them the warnings en masse.

My youngest was only 8 when she first threatened suicide. Four years, three rounds of therapy, many intense discussions, and lots of hugs and kisses later, she's better. Trust me. You don't want to go through that.

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1/31/11 10:35 A

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Up the ante, babe! To have an administrator respond like that is reprehensible! You need to take his reaction (or lack there-of) to the superintendent. By all means, let him know that you're going there and see what his response is. This is serious stuff and to have him say anything close to "What else do you want me to do? I did as you asked." WTF?!?! It's his JOB to make her environment SAFE! And yeah, especially since emotions are already high in the building and community! If he thinks he's done enough already, maybe he should read the newspaper and check out all of the kids who have committed suicide DIRECTLY due to bullying and harrassment! Then, maybe you should mention that you've got your state legislator/representative/senator on speed-dial and see what he says.........and then do it, honey. This is your child we're talking about. Do NOT let the principal get away with "What else do you want me to do?". He needs to do more than "I did as you asked." OMG! where was he trained? If this behavior doesn't stop "yesterday", these children need to be given suspension or expelled. Simple. And if they choose to take it out of the school, be prepared to call the police and make sure that principal knows that too. Maybe he can use those words when he's handing out consequences....TODAY!
Still praying.... Stay strong.
coop

MiniCoop aka: MamaCoop aka: Carla
Dum Spiro, Spero: "While I breathe, I hope"
"God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change ... the courage to change the one I can ... and the wisdom to know it's me."
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SCHATZY25's Photo SCHATZY25 Posts: 1,057
1/30/11 11:38 A

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Thanks for the replies.

My daughter didn't want me to call the principle again because things would get worse and not better. She was right but I stilled called the principle and the actually asked me "What else do you want me to do? I did as you asked." I told him I want my daughter save and not afraid to go to school or do something really bad to herself. He asked if I wanted her to talk to one of the counselors that were in school due to a student that died the day before and I said yes. My daughter went to see the counselor but I don't know what happened after that. I just know she is really aggravated again and unapproachable.
Sent her to the movies with a boy she can talk to. There is nothing going on and he told her to not let things bother her they are just miserable themselves and it's not worth doing harm to herself. To think about leaving people behind and what it would do to her. He told her he tried to commit suicide and he was saved. Now he knows to never do it again and for what? Life is precious and no matter what you can't and should not throw it away for someone else that is not worth it. I think that helped my daughter to realize that she isn't the only one that is going thru this and someone else told her what he did and it's not worth it.
My daughter will start counseling outside of school on Tuesday. Have to take her out of school for that but it's worth it.

Sometimes you just have to smile, pretend everything is okay, hold back the tears and just walk away.

The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not.
Thomas Jefferson

KAILYNSTAR's Photo KAILYNSTAR Posts: 3,664
1/29/11 9:17 A

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I had major troubles with my son being bullied in elementary school. It got to the point that it was violent and my son ended up with a concussion.

The principal was of no help and basically said that he talked to the boys and that they said that he was making things up. How can that be? I mean, it was going on for about 2 years.

Anyways, I phoned the police and talked to a guy there that basically said that they could do nothing because they were too young. Then he also mentioned that they hate to bother kids because that will give the the wrong impression for the bullier by making the kid think that police are bad.

The thing is is that the school basically did nothing. I found that when he ended up with a teacher in grade six that was on exchange came back in Jan. He had no idea what was going on because of the fact that the teacher he exchanged with left no notes for him. I talked to him and he took care of the problem.

Again, in about a year and half, the bully found out that where we live and he started knocking or ringing the doorbell and running away. I knew that it was him and a couple of his friends. Finally, when I had four sick kids with H1N1 home, they came to our door and threw a full pop can at our front door! I was livid and I had witnesses. I called the cops, that called the parents and BOY what a difference. Bullying is against the law here. Kids can be charged when they are 12 and older.

Needless to say, I think that the kids were shook up and he never had a problem with them since. Momma got mad and Momma took action.

Mind you, this wasn't easy. I felt very guilty for what I had done and was worried about the consequences for my son. Only, things improved and that kid doesn't bother him anymore.

I do hope that this helps you and I wish you and your daughter well.

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1/28/11 11:27 A

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TEACHERS are bound by the same rules and the administration.........NO ONE should be making her cry in class. That was one of our issues too. The teacher actually heard some comments and didn't do anything! We brought him into our meeting as well....he didn't have a lot to say for himself, but unfortunately the school and the district didn't choose to even slap his hand.......major disappointment. Since our peanut is a senior, we have a very detailed and accusatory letter ready to go after she receives her diploma....
Still praying....
Rest this weekend....

MiniCoop aka: MamaCoop aka: Carla
Dum Spiro, Spero: "While I breathe, I hope"
"God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change ... the courage to change the one I can ... and the wisdom to know it's me."
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SCHATZY25's Photo SCHATZY25 Posts: 1,057
1/27/11 8:01 P

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Thanks for your reply and prayers.

Yes, my daughter is great, strong and deserves to be treated right.

The principle called her to the office this am first thing. The two people that bully her the most went later. The bad thing with that is that now the friends of those two kids are starting to say nasty stuff to her now and making her cry during class. Guess I will call the principle again tomorrow.

Sometimes you just have to smile, pretend everything is okay, hold back the tears and just walk away.

The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not.
Thomas Jefferson

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1/26/11 10:51 A

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Yes, unfortunately, they will. But, seriously, that's the point. Your daughter NEEDS to point fingers. It's the only way that this will eventually stop. The principal had better be angry. He should have been angry last week! Just give her another hug and make sure she knows that, "That which does not destroy us, makes us stronger." Tolstoy. She's standing up to these bullies, not just for herself, but for those who can't stand up. You know if they're bullying her, they're bullying others. They just are, because noone's stopped them before. She is strong, she is amazing, she is invincible! She is!
More prayers and hugs coming your way!
coop

MiniCoop aka: MamaCoop aka: Carla
Dum Spiro, Spero: "While I breathe, I hope"
"God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change ... the courage to change the one I can ... and the wisdom to know it's me."
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SCHATZY25's Photo SCHATZY25 Posts: 1,057
1/26/11 10:12 A

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just got a call back from the principle. He was actually angry about this. He wanted names which I couldn't give him in good conscience. Since I don't know any of the for sure. Just little hints here and there. I don't want to accuse the wrong girls. Bad thing is, or maybe good, my daughter will be called to the principles office tomorrow when they go back to school. They will use this too to say nasty stuff to her.

Sometimes you just have to smile, pretend everything is okay, hold back the tears and just walk away.

The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not.
Thomas Jefferson

MINICOOPER452's Photo MINICOOPER452 SparkPoints: (184,793)
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1/25/11 9:30 A

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Unfortunately, if the principal just does the passive, "let's not bully" speech to the entire group and doesn't put his foot down directly with these students, that's gonna happen. Keep documenting everything that happens and make sure he knows that you're perfectly willing to take it up a step..............or EIGHT!
Still praying for you.
Give your daughter a big hug from me and Annie...

MiniCoop aka: MamaCoop aka: Carla
Dum Spiro, Spero: "While I breathe, I hope"
"God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change ... the courage to change the one I can ... and the wisdom to know it's me."
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SCHATZY25's Photo SCHATZY25 Posts: 1,057
1/25/11 8:39 A

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Found out they headaches my daughter does experience are stress headaches. They gave her motrin and a referral for counseling.

Going to call the principles in a few and talk to him about bullying. Seems like I didn't get anywhere with the guidance counselor because things got much worse since I first brought this subject to their attention....


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Sometimes you just have to smile, pretend everything is okay, hold back the tears and just walk away.

The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not.
Thomas Jefferson

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1/24/11 11:45 A

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ooooh, also make sure you have him check for sinus issues. Upon researching more, our doctor confirmed that sinus and migraines effect the same areas in your head and in your brain, so you can actually experience the same pain with either.... We'd ruled out sinus when we confirmed migraines.

MiniCoop aka: MamaCoop aka: Carla
Dum Spiro, Spero: "While I breathe, I hope"
"God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change ... the courage to change the one I can ... and the wisdom to know it's me."
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SCHATZY25's Photo SCHATZY25 Posts: 1,057
1/24/11 7:12 A

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Thanks for your reply.

Yes, having a headache is bad, really bad. I know, I get tension headaches and then I am just miserable. She can't live with them and she shouldn't. Too young for that. I just hope the doctor will be able to help her with those.

Sometimes you just have to smile, pretend everything is okay, hold back the tears and just walk away.

The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not.
Thomas Jefferson

MINICOOPER452's Photo MINICOOPER452 SparkPoints: (184,793)
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1/22/11 11:27 A

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Again, our peanut's headaches turned out to be migraines and they were SPECIFICALLY tied to stress along with her cycle! These can be devestating. Get them treated ASAP. Headaches are THE worst.....
She can actually "see" one coming on now and we have treatment (unfortunately a self-injected shot) available everywhere she is!!! Catch it immediately and we're able to shut it down.....

MiniCoop aka: MamaCoop aka: Carla
Dum Spiro, Spero: "While I breathe, I hope"
"God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change ... the courage to change the one I can ... and the wisdom to know it's me."
coopscustomcreations452.blogspot.com
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SCHATZY25's Photo SCHATZY25 Posts: 1,057
1/22/11 10:56 A

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Thanks for your advice.

Going to call the school again on Tuesday for a check-up and to keep them on their toes.

Found out from my daughter they had an assembly on Thursday. They had the subject of bullying! I was so happy to hear that and asked my daughter what she thought about it. She said she wasn't there to listen to it because she was called in to the counselors office for a talk. I guess that was good. My daughter didn't want to tell me what was discussed and I am alright with it but I would have liked for her to attend the assembly.

Taking her to the doctor on Monday to get an referral for counseling and to see what we can do with her headaches she gets.

Sometimes you just have to smile, pretend everything is okay, hold back the tears and just walk away.

The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not.
Thomas Jefferson

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1/17/11 11:02 A

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THAT was such a key for our daughter as well.... Just knowing that Mom/Dad had her back and were doing something about "it".
Remember, the schools can mete out consequences that you may never know about due to data privacy/confidentiality. By all means, give them a check-up call to let them know that you're still "watching". That they called you at all was pretty good. Since they're involving the counselor ought to help.
I am sooooo happy that your daughter is feeling happier. Good luck to you.

MiniCoop aka: MamaCoop aka: Carla
Dum Spiro, Spero: "While I breathe, I hope"
"God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change ... the courage to change the one I can ... and the wisdom to know it's me."
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SCHATZY25's Photo SCHATZY25 Posts: 1,057
1/16/11 12:41 P

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Got calls back from the two schools in question. Since the district has strong anti bullying policies I expect the schools to handle this in a matter that will satisfy us but mostly my daughter.
One school said they will talk to the boy and the Vice Principle will do that. Also the counselor will be involved and they will talk to the whole school again about bullying and consequences. Mind you, that is the same school my daughter had problems in last school year when one of the girls she knows and was friends with said she was going to kill my daughter. I complained then too but I never found out exactly what happened to the girl and the others only that they couldn't keep their answers straight when asked. Only that they were joking around.

My daughter had such high hopes that this school would be better for her. But what she forgot was that she still has to go to school with the same people she went to school with before.

I will contact the schools again on Tuesday, maybe get a meeting with the principle. I also told them I would contact the police if they can't handle this. Maybe the newspaper too. But I don't want to make things worse for my daughter when everyone will know her name (and ours - we are very private people).

I am documenting everything I do to help my daughter and go from there.

One really good thing has come out from that though. My daughter is much happier and less cranky. She is fun having around. Before we had to walk on eggshells around her. Anything would set her off and then things got out of hand.

Thanks so much for the advice. I didn't know what I should do with this issue.

Sometimes you just have to smile, pretend everything is okay, hold back the tears and just walk away.

The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not.
Thomas Jefferson

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1/16/11 11:20 A

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I agree go to the school and document everything. Be sure you have notes from all your meetings. The more that you document will scare the school to help more! But I truly feel the root of the problem is low self esteem. Try to get your daughter into a club away from her school. Join in something with new and different kids. She needs to feel better about herself. She has to be good at something and new kids who do not know they can tease her will appreciate her talents. Swim team, golf, chess club, tutor less fortunate kids.. etc. (my son volunteered at a nursing home!!! Great for self esteem. ALL the old people told him how strong, handsome and wonderful he was! He felt needed!)
Does she have a best friend? A child needs just one good friend to make it through the hard times.
One more thought, the neighbor boy? are you friends with his parents? Is he a popular kid or is he just trying not to be teased by teasing her? If you can find a strong self confident child to help her they can do more. My daughter had a bad experience and I MADE her call a confident girl in her class and talk to her. My daughter and I role-played in the mirror all day until she felt confident enough to make the call. The call was a question of... "what do I do wrong? how can I fix it? please you are so good and strong can you help me fix this?" This worked for my daughter because this girl took her under her wing and put the "stop order" however the SELF CONFIDENCE issue needs to be addressed.

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1/15/11 2:59 P

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I had this problem with my daughter also, in addition to what was said about contacting the right people your daughter needs a friend someone out spoken and who is aware of what is happening. This friend can help in the here and now when it happens, we happened to have a counselor at the school what worked with the kids who were bullied, it was anonymous and it was very helpful to my daughter.

ONEWAYSTREET Posts: 2,109
1/14/11 6:50 P

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Hi SCHATZY25

Give your daughter a cuddle & tell her not to let them into her mind, she will grow to be beautiful educated & strong with something worthwhile to return to this world…while they become the “no hopers” of the world.

Make the school acknowledge & respond.. “There’s nothing like the “squeaky wheel syndrome” to make sure it happens”.

There are lots of online sites to help get thru bullying so she doesn’t suffer the mental anguish that can turn into future health problems.

Good luck my thoughts are with you!!
XXOO to help!!

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1/14/11 2:13 P

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Oh my.......
Been there, done that, got the scars to prove it....
First thing I would do is go on your district website (assuming they have one) and look up the district policy against bullying. They should have one of those too. PRINT IT OUT and read it carefully so you're well-versed in the policy and consequences. And always remember, no matter what their policy says, "bullying is in the eye of the beholder". NO ONE can tell her that "they didn't mean anything". If she feels bullied, she IS being bullied!!!
Then, go to the principal, with paper in hand and say, "what-d-ya gonna do about this?!?!" Depending on her/his answer, be prepared to walk away calmly and go straight the the superintendent's office up the chain. That may sound harsh, but I can tell you from experience that a district may have a policy, but it's generally left up to the individual administrator to handle it. We have a somewhat large district and my daughter has been in four different buildings. Two of them take bullying very seriously, and yet, one even accused her of not doing enough to stop it, labeled her (and us) trouble-makers and forced her to transfer to another building.....where, by the way, she is thriving!!!
Also, be prepared to write letters. You're going to want to consider writing to the principal and cc'ing: the superintendent, police liason (if they have one), police chief (in addition to the liason), Education Commissioner, and your state representatives.
I am absolutely serious about this. Bullying is a crime. Schools are not supposed to allow it and they are required BY LAW to provide a safe environment for your child AND that includes the bus! If they're not doing their jobs, you need to make sure everyone who can help knows about it.
Given all the press lately about kids who've been bullied killing themselves and/or others, schools NEED to step up and get busy!!! And we're the only ones who can insist that they do.
Good luck. I will be praying for you and your daughter.
coop

Edited by: MINICOOPER452 at: 1/14/2011 (14:15)
MiniCoop aka: MamaCoop aka: Carla
Dum Spiro, Spero: "While I breathe, I hope"
"God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change ... the courage to change the one I can ... and the wisdom to know it's me."
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1/14/11 9:31 A

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I haven't been on this team n a long time (been to busy for any team) but I am hoping I could get some advice and support.

My daughter, who just turned 15, is being bullied by her so called friends and a neighbors boy. The boy only does it in the bus or when they walk home together (I try to pick my kids up so it doesn't happen). He told her to go cut herself and calls her names that I can't post or I will be banned.
She gets physically sick and has been sick for over 12 days since the school year started. I only recently found out that the bullying still continues from last school year after I talked to the Vice Principle at that school then. Short of me going to grip that boy by the neck and shake him silly I don't know what to do to help my daughter. She is doing bad in school now and dropped from a A student to a D student. I contacted the schools this am to tell them I am not accepting this and things need to be done before something bad happens. If they do that to my daughter they are doing it to other kids as well.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Sometimes you just have to smile, pretend everything is okay, hold back the tears and just walk away.

The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not.
Thomas Jefferson

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