You are getting excellent advise, but please remember to take care of yourself first. If you can afford it you might consider a shrink for yourself. It will help you cope and the shrink can give you advice. I was abused as a very small child and it effected my whole life. It took me 47 years to face and start to change myself. No one could have done it for me.
current weight: 164.1
Fitness Minutes: (235) Posts: 87 11/9/10 8:46 P
I wish you all the best. My husband is a child of sexual abuse and has struggled at different times his whole life with it and the affects. He wasn't as destructive to other people just himself. He also really had no one or support of any kind until he opened up to me. If anyone could possibly know how much it can effects someones whole life I wonder if they would really find the utter hatred it takes to do that to someone. Be strong and wish her the best but remember even that doesn't make it right to hurt others or herself. That only always the horrible beast that did this to win over and over again.
Hang in there. I think when she gets some help to work through the guilt, anger, and feelings of abandonment, the behavioral difficulties will resolve. That's a heavy load for a young girl to carry, and I'm glad she's with you.
She is out of the house 2 yrs. because of sexual abuse by step brother. She has a social worker and mental health therapist. There is a parent aid working with parents, but the parents are dumber than a box of rocks!! When I told them about all the problems,they were going to talk to her. I found out from the social worker they tried to talk, but she didn't want to, so that was the end.I have installed locks on all doors where I do not want her. I called school and they have a girl that will come and do crafts, homework, and whatever else, approved by me of course. Let you know how that goes!Thank you all for the support.
Underlying issues aside; it still is not acceptable to lash out at someone else or do something criminal because you have issues. If you were drinking because of some personal issues and got pulled over for DUI the judge would not dismiss the charges due to emotional issues that caused the drinking. I know to wrongs don't make a right but I feel sometimes the only way to reach a teenager is to make them feel empathy by doing the same thing back to them. How would she feel if the things she needed, wanted or enjoyed were gone with no explanation and then you simply said you took them?? Just a thought.. Sometime we seem to want to read some much into behavor that is simply BAD.
My initial thought was cancel the missing credit card and kick her butt out. That said, the other people were right about finding out what is going on. Remember to take take care of yourself and immediate family first. Keep posting.
Those are some very serious issues! Why is she living with you? Are there some underlying issues that need to be addressed? Maybe you could seek counseling? Keep the communication going! You are going to have to be loving, but very firm and lay down the ground rules! Good luck!
"Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food."
Romans 14:20a (NIV)
current weight: 174.0
Fitness Minutes: (239) Posts: 169 11/3/10 11:16 A
Well, don't rip your hair out, sweetie. It won't look good.
You need to find out why your niece is doing these things. Once you find that out and solve it, the behavior will also resolve.
You didn't say why she's living with you, but is she angry about something? Scared? Is there an issue in school? Trying to get your attention (bad attention is better than none). Often, kids will act up without knowing why.
Do some detective work, and I bet you can figure out what the problem is.
My 13 year old niece is living with us and she is taking things without my permission:
Deactivated cell phone I was going to activate She says she didn't have it, but found cord to it in her room on Saturday. Then she told me she took it and she "lost it".
Her cell phone I took away (found in her book bag)
Topaz earrings (I don't have them)
Credit card (I don't have it)
Rings from my husband (found in her drawer today)I just emptied every drawer in room on Saturday.
I have talked her about this and she has tears, never says she is sorry. I have told her if there are problems we talk about them and then we find a solution.I have told her I will always give her an explanation for every time I don't agree or when I tell her no,so what the bleep is going on? What else can I do? I am putting locks on my bedroom doors.
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