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NLPOLAK's Photo NLPOLAK SparkPoints: (11,567)
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8/7/12 12:59 P

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Looks like all our messages are crossing! Thanks everyone for your answers; hope you can tell which ones I was replying to!

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NLPOLAK's Photo NLPOLAK SparkPoints: (11,567)
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8/7/12 12:58 P

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True. My parents sheltered me A LOT and I vowed never to do that with her. Accordingly, I've had to keep myself from reacting to a lot, but it's resulted in her being way more independent than I was at her age. And I'm so proud of her! I think now she just needs to feel more confidence in her abilities and then she'll not bother so much about what other kids think. It took me until my late 20's to learn that, otherwise I went through what she did in regard to other kids and being bullied to the max. Those were some dark years, let me tell you! So now that I feel better about myself, I am even more psyched to be doing weight loss on top of it all, and I hope that all that positive energy I have now will start rubbing off on my daughter more.

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SLPORTER1978's Photo SLPORTER1978 Posts: 471
8/7/12 12:55 P

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I am so sorry that happened to your daughter. We, luckily live in a very diverse area, because my kids are Irish (me), Black (dad), and Puerto Rican (dad). It is not easy when your children get teased, sometimes I think it hurts us as parents more than our children. I think that if you continue to encourage your daughter and build her self esteem at home, she will thrive. I am glad that she had a good first day of school! Best of luck for you and your daughter.

“One day at a time--this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering.”


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AM101177's Photo AM101177 SparkPoints: (635)
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8/7/12 12:51 P

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Im a single mom and trust me I know about affording sports... Here the sports are separated enough to play each one. Its easier with one to afford things. It also helps to have a good job. I have a great one for this area... ANYWAY.....thats apart of growing up. Shes going to get her feelings her more and more... some days its great life is good and the next moment she hates everyone and everything. I agree about the coping skills. We as parents can not shelter our kids 24/7 if we did our babies will not know what life is about.

~*AM*~


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NLPOLAK's Photo NLPOLAK SparkPoints: (11,567)
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8/7/12 12:47 P

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I have to say, we've had a hard time with her this year, because I only found out during the course of this summer that she was being teased in school for most of the previous year, and never let on about it at home! But apparently she was internalizing it, and I eventually was thinking something was wrong when she refused to read books all summer or go to the park, and wanted only to watch looney tunes and disney cartoons on youtube with her ipod, and wanted only to be alone for long periods of time. I would check on her and know that she wasn't doing anything wrong, but she seemed to lack any sort of motivation. That in itself was odd, because she is normally a very energetic girl.

She finally broke down about a month ago to tell me what all had happened, and how kids were making fun of her for being smart, as well as for having an Indian heritage (which she doesn't even resemble - since I have some Asian Indian mix in me, but my husband is a rugged red head with very pale skin) and so I think the kids were saying things about he and I being different. Moreover, said children were pointing out any dark brown body hair she has that shows up with her pale skin. I was so mad and cried with her when she told me all of that!!!! The worst for her was that some of these kids were ones she considered friends, and all of it made her not want to read in order to not be reminded of what happened!!!!!!! It took a lot of coaxing from my husband and I for her to start going back to what she likes to do. She mentioned watching the videos as her way of escaping from her thoughts over it all. Isn't that awful???

Just when I thought we had made lots of progress, she and I ventured to the park for the first time all summer last week. When it was almost time to leave, she came crying to me about some Mexican kids who were laughing at her. STRANGERS, mind you. Well, I told her to ignore them and play somewhere else, but apparently she kept venturing nearby the same places where the hooligans were and had the same thing happen another time or two. When she came to me again saying that was why she didn't want to go to the park, I was so mad - we left, but not before I shouted up to where those kids were (enclosed in a slide playhouse thing to where I couldn't see them) and said "be quiet you brats!" with the parents and other relatives of theirs across from me, and we left. I couldn't trust myself to do anything else, because I really wanted to give them all a verbal lashing, but didn't want to make a scene and further embarrass my child. Ohh it was horrible :-( She cried all the way home and told me that that was what she was afraid of having happen in her new school too.

At least I'm happy to say that her first day of the new school year (yesterday) went very well and she came home the happiest I'd seen her in a long time. She also has her birthday coming up next Friday, and a birthday sleepover the next day, so hopefully that will help perk her up.

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SLPORTER1978's Photo SLPORTER1978 Posts: 471
8/7/12 12:33 P

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That is hard. However, being a little selfish is part of being a kid and learning. I have three boys and they all went through the selfish stage. My 7 year old, like your daughter, is very sensitive and gets his feelings hurt when other don't want to play with him. Kids can be very mean sometimes. I just tell him that these things happen and he will have to learn to either play with someone else or play by himself. I want to try to teach him coping skills so that these things don't affect him so much. I tell my boys often that "life is not easy or fair and not everything will go your way." We also keep the boys very busy (i.e. football, basketball, soccer, baseball, music, swimming). Good luck.

“One day at a time--this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering.”


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NLPOLAK's Photo NLPOLAK SparkPoints: (11,567)
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8/7/12 11:01 A

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Thanks for your response! Well, my daughter is in girl scouts, as that is about the only activity we can afford to do (financially and time-wise so that she has enough time to just PLAY and get homework done). However, she is easily hurt when her friends choose to gang up against her to play with each other, leaving her the odd-one out. I feel so bad for her when that happens! It's made her have low self-esteem this past year, because she takes it all to heart and just wants to get the social interaction she craves from not being having a sibling to do things with when we are at home just the 3 of us, or if ever she is with just my husband or myself alone.

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AM101177's Photo AM101177 SparkPoints: (635)
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8/7/12 10:25 A

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I have 1 child. Now he does have a little brother ( who he cant stand, loves but cant stand) and just found out a baby sister... However, he doesnt see them often. My son is 10 years old. We live in an area full of kids. He shares pretty good with his friends and cousins. Being an only child they will be a bit selfish... Just like any kid. All kids even those with 5 brothers and sisters...etc. Keep having play dates, My bff has 2 kids and they have grown up together. They fight like they are bothers and sisters. They get on each others nerves, but at the end of the day they still love each other.

My son plays football, basketball, soccer, swimming, track, sometimes baseball. Just keep them active with team activities. If they are not into sports there are things like girl scouts, dance classes, gymnastics, bowling, idk what all things you have in your area. Plus Im not in tune with girls activities... LOL theres also martial arts. Art classes, book clubs... so on.

I think your daughter will be fine. She sounds like a wonderful and caring young lady.

~*AM*~


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NLPOLAK's Photo NLPOLAK SparkPoints: (11,567)
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8/7/12 7:23 A

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I'm an only child, and my husband and I just have our daughter. I'm pretty sure we're not going to have any more kiddos. Ours has enough energy for 2 or 3 as it is!!!!!!! What do you all do to keep your kids immersed with others enough to where they don't develop a selfish attitude or be so traumatized when things don't go their way?

Our daughter has a very caring heart and is very good about sharing, and doesn't throw tantrums when things don't go her way (anymore!!) but whenever she has playdates with any friends, she gets crushed if they can't decide on the same activities. This came to a head last year for her birthday - and we had to put her in time-out and have the party end a half hour early! Talk about embarrassing! I guess it doesn't help that she has some other strong-willed friends and they all got on each others' nerves. Sigh.

So far, she only has one or two friends whom she doesn't end up getting annoyed with, and only one of those girls still keeps in touch - but not very often.

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