I've been looking at this thread for days, trying to think of how I can contribute. Overall, I don't think I AM dealing with the loss of my son Scott - at least that's the way it feels most of the time. The sadness weighs so heavily on me. Only with my precious GD Kaile do I "forget" that I am alive and he is not.
Char, I understand what you mean about people looking at you like you should be "getting over it" (although in your case, at three months, they're crazy to think so). At first, people thought I was SO strong... Now, it's been over two years, and most people are discomforted by how deeply I'm still grieving!
I'm still shattered by my son's death, but I do see ways in that I AM "better." For example, I am able to talk about Scott, even to explain how he died, without breaking down into inconsolable tears. I get mixed reactions, but it seems that for MOST people, for ME to talk about Scott is too difficult for THEM.
How do I directly deal with grief? I lost my Mom at 19, my Dad at 32 after a reconciled estrangement, two pregnancies, and the death of two marriages through acrimonious divorces. There's been a lot of loss in my life, but when I'm asked this question, all my references go to my son Scott - his is the deepest blow.
Well, like Heila, I often listen to music that reminds me of Scott, of faith, of family, and of our love. He's my first-born: he literally saved me from myself, and the downward spiral I was in (drinking heavily, reckless behavior). For him - first, for a safe pregnancy, and then to keep him - I changed my life.
I watch his memorial video, even though I know I will cry harder than ever. Sometimes I watch the news report about his death (it's on my DVR). I've also recorded songs and bits of movies that relate to him, both sad AND fun. I also go on YouTube, and watch videos of "Scott" songs, and sing along for as long as I can...
Yes, it all causes the deep sadness to come out, and I know I will not be able to stop the tears and heartbreak... but I feel like that ALL the time! It sits inside of me, with nowhere to go; although it will occasionally overwhelm me and I "cry for no reason." Letting my feelings out in this private way is a relief.
Oh my, I sound like a basket case, one step away from being sent to the nut house. Obviously, posting on a thread like this helps! It makes me think about it - to be conscious. I also search online; I found a phrase that helps me explain to myself how to deal with - well, with everything: "A New Normal."
Unfortunately, this phrase has been taken by economists and applied to business, but it's in the original forms that it's most true: when you've lost a loved one - or been diagnosed with cancer - life will never be the same. To survive it mentally, we must realize and develop a "new normal" for our lives.
Most of the time, I'm stuck... but, sometimes, like at a moment like THIS, I'm working on it! Elizabeth~
My son Scott's memorial: www.youtube.com/watch?v=AopgOKaOUwY
Co-Leader on LET'S TRY THIS AGAIN Team
"I'm not telling you it's going to be easy.
I'm telling you it's going to be worth it."
"Life isn't about how to survive the storm,
but how to dance in the rain."
| Pounds lost: 58.0