Well in this section of reading she is hitting me hard. I am so tough on myself!
I think it has a lot to do with my generation and how I was brought up. There was no such thing as being out of work sick unless you were almost dead. I still hold myself to those early teachings. Now many co workers will be out of work with a simple headache. I am glad that I have the standards I have but it has been hard when expecting others to abide by the same rules.
I guess the rules all changed and no one told me.
I was also told way too many times if you can't do it right then don't do it at all. Now as a child I was doing task the best that I could ( for instance cleaning the house ) but not with the skill of an adult. This began to lower my confidence and self esteem. Even today more than 45 years later I can hear my mother's words ring in my ear. On this particular day I "cleaned the house" to the best of my ability while she was at work, I must have been around 9 years old. I could not wait for her to get home and I just knew that she would be so happy. The only words I heard from her was that I did not do the bathroom good enough. I don't think she can even imagine the hurt and damage that was done in that one split minute.
So I have continued through life with the "not good enough" mentality.
Charlene - SC
A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.
| Pounds lost: 52.1