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JIBBIE49's Photo JIBBIE49 Posts: 57,977
7/3/11 12:23 A

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Learn to relax.

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CTUPTON's Photo CTUPTON SparkPoints: (126,412)
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11/10/10 5:42 P

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One topic on sparkpeople and shrinkyourself is to stop blaming parents for being overweight. I grew up being given food to show love. There was never a shortage of food (we lived attached to our grocery store). I had an inspiration the other day in the car. I have heard the phraise reparent yourself. That might help me. I could "mother" myself by saying, "Oh Christine, why don't you go out and play in the sunshine." (Meaning--instead of having third and fourth helpings of food--go enjoy yourself outdoors." I don't think I ever heard something in my home like that. Forgive parents for things they did.

GOAL: Reduce A1C,BP,tryglicerides,and weight. HOW? By not eating added sugar, using Omega3s, base meals on veggies, water aerobics at least 3X week and using NuStep when I can't get to the pool.

CAREGIVER SUPPORT PLEASE SEE THESE LINKS:
www.caring.com/
www.agingcare.com/

30 lbs. gone. Now to work on the next 10 lbs.


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SUSANHKS's Photo SUSANHKS Posts: 891
10/27/10 10:03 P

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Cindy,

I don't think that is off topic at all. I think forgiveness and acceptance go hand in hand.

SW 8/1/08 229.




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CINDYT63's Photo CINDYT63 Posts: 1,251
10/24/10 1:50 P

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I think getting older is one thing that has helped me to dis-engage from the resentments that I have felt. My perspective has changed and I see that we are all on a journey, and the people who wounded me were themselves so wounded. My life has really been about getting better and when you make a choice to hold that pain it stays with you, but sometimes getting through the pain is enough to kill you! Kidding. But I do understand nobody does anything to us personally, they do it because they don't know any better and because they themselves are wounded. It's a tricky process I think. I was emotionally abandoned by my parents at a crucial time in my development, when I need to feel their connection to feel safe. Now when I feel abandoned it triggers this really old emotional spiral and I feel invisible and untethered.
I think I may have gone off topic-rut row-maybe not-but any kind of resentment I know is about me-and I try to figure out what so I can see what I am lugging around belief wise.

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SLENDERELLA518's Photo SLENDERELLA518 Posts: 154
10/24/10 11:53 A

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Oh Cassie, your Mom is SO CORRECT !!!
You don't have to forget what they've done, you don't have to have a relationship with them, you aren't forgiving because you agree. You forgive because you come to a place where you realize that you are only poisoning yourself with your feelings about them. And as people who use food to medicate, forgiveness can go a LOOOONNNG way toward our own recoveries.

Sue


Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." (NIV)


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SLENDERELLA518's Photo SLENDERELLA518 Posts: 154
10/24/10 11:48 A

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That's interesting, Chris!
I think that you hit on a very pivotal point, and for me it's one of the facets of Shrink Yourself. It's about changing how you think about something, changing your immediate response so that you can ultimately respond better. We all have such old tapes running though our heads, agreed!

Sue


Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." (NIV)


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CTUPTON's Photo CTUPTON SparkPoints: (126,412)
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10/24/10 8:33 A

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When I think of or hear certain names of people, I can really get my emotions going-negatively. I have found that just in my mind changing their name works beautifully. Calling them (silently) by a different, but similar, name takes all the punch out of my negative thoughts.
This is based on the fact that we can't think of 2 things at exactly the same time. I learned that if I am in a "snit" and rolling those negative tapes in my head, if I think of ANYTHING else it breaks the cycle. It might take some effort but it works. Even changing my thoughts to counting backwards or saying the alphabet-try that backwards!- does the trick. Since learning this I have heard people even use it to break panic attacks. Here is another one--freeze an orange. If an attack is happening, grab that orange. It is so cold it hurts to hold and breaks the cycle of bad thoughts. It might even help to change the thoughts eventually to forgiveness. I have not tried it for that -yet.Thanks for the great topic of discussion. Chris emoticon

Edited by: CTUPTON at: 10/24/2010 (08:34)
GOAL: Reduce A1C,BP,tryglicerides,and weight. HOW? By not eating added sugar, using Omega3s, base meals on veggies, water aerobics at least 3X week and using NuStep when I can't get to the pool.

CAREGIVER SUPPORT PLEASE SEE THESE LINKS:
www.caring.com/
www.agingcare.com/

30 lbs. gone. Now to work on the next 10 lbs.


 current weight: 245.0 
 
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CASSIEBEAR2010 Posts: 17
10/23/10 11:49 P

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My mother and I were just talking about forgiveness today. She said there were different types of forgiveness. She told me you didn't have to forget or agree with what the person did to you. You simply had to move on and forget the bad feelings you feel towards them.

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SLENDERELLA518's Photo SLENDERELLA518 Posts: 154
10/23/10 9:55 P

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Ugh, I know, it's incredibly hard !!!!!!!!
Several years ago I decided to forgive my father. I "acted as if" I had for awhile
and found that it wasn't too long before I had the grace to honestly feel it for him.
From time to time old resentments pop up, of course, but I do realize that he did the best he could, at the time, and I do forgive him for that. I found that forgiving him freed up something in ME that was very powerful.


Sue


Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." (NIV)


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LUVSDSEA Posts: 114
10/23/10 8:03 P

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I've heard this. Wish I knew how you just "let it go." There are people who all I have to do is think about them and my blood boils. Not many, thank goodness, but a couple.

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SLENDERELLA518's Photo SLENDERELLA518 Posts: 154
10/23/10 7:55 P

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Are you harboring a resentment towards someone in your life? Do you feel yourself stewing about something that someone did or failed to do? Is the only way that you can escape your feelings of upset or rage to enter into a food trance? If so, keep reading.

Booker T. Washington said, "You can't hold a man down, without staying down with him." Anger boiling under your surface can be so physically and psychologically uncomfortable that you end up eating just to escape the pain. Forgiveness is a gift you can give yourself because it's just too heavy to walk around with all that extra weight of resentment. If you're struggling to figure out how to forgive someone, you can try this simple technique used in many 12-Step programs. It's the four-column technique. You draw four columns. In the first column you write the name of the person you resent, are upset with or angry at. In the second column you write what they did. In the third column you write what this resentment affects (for example, your sleep, your peace of mind, your sense of self, your weight, your ability to work, mother, etc.). And in the fourth column you write what your part in the dynamic has been (for example, I don't set firm boundaries, I choose unsafe people, I am very sensitive, etc.). You can do this over and over and for any person (or even situation) in your life. It often unlocks something that you couldn't see before. Letting go is sure to make you feel lighter (in heart, mind and body).


Edited by: SLENDERELLA518 at: 10/25/2010 (21:44)
Sue


Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." (NIV)


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