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TIME4CARRI's Photo TIME4CARRI Posts: 325
2/8/09 1:55 A

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We are so wonderfully created aren't we ladies? This is an age old issue for me as I continue to cut back again with obligations never guilt free!

Carrilu


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LADYIRIS313's Photo LADYIRIS313 Posts: 926
1/22/09 8:05 P

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Penance .. what a perfect term! Thank you. Truthfully, I agreed to take this class to support a fellow student who, incidentally, is entering seminary at year's end. I know there are others from our previous class who have enrolled and can support him, so I shouldn't feel compelled. The real kick would be to get to the place where I could make such a choice even IF it would truly inconvenience someone else. Funny - I can put other people's needs/wants/comfort ahead of mine so very easily.

Good for you for being flexible with your goals. You're so right, of course - this is YOUR life, and you must make goals and plans that support you -- physically and emotionally. Punishing yourself just won't work in the long haul. Perhaps this is an unconscious ingrained method we have of restoring our own sense of helplessness/hopelessness. The body looks for homeostasis, so must our emotions. I don't think we sabotage ourselves consciously, but I think sometimes we do it unconsciously, and it is even more sneaky when it is cloaked in a 'should' do!

Thanks for the pep talk!

Edited by: LADYIRIS313 at: 1/22/2009 (20:08)
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us
are looking at the stars"

Oscar Wilde


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RACHELRB's Photo RACHELRB Posts: 1,485
1/22/09 7:45 P

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Iris,
This is so true, especially for women. We feel we should be able to do EVERYTHING. Then we feel guilty if someone is doing more than us. Is that dumb or what? Only you know what you are capable of. I applaud you for dropping the class, not only because you feel the load is too heavy but also because you don't like it. We are adults now we should be able to choose what we fit into our days. Life is too short to do the stuff you don't like.
I recently dropped out of Coach Nicole's bootcamp. I like the exercises, but I have no problem exercising- that's the one thing I can do right! So having to run home from the gym to do another 10 minutes of exercise seemed silly. It was really hard for me to convince myself this was a good thing. I too felt like a dropout even a loser because I had the bootcamp on my goals for January. I just felt I wasn't getting that much out of it and I dreaded when it hit 9 PM and I still hadn't had time to spend the 10 minutes on the bootcamp. I feel much better now. I can still do the videos if I want but I don't feel like it's a penance anymore. So feel free! You are great for recognizing what makes you feel good about yourself.

If you win 51% of the battles you have won the war.
LADYIRIS313's Photo LADYIRIS313 Posts: 926
1/22/09 5:45 P

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Well, I'm lightening my load. I am going to drop one of my classes because I feel like it will take too much time, and I really MUST do well on my others. I may switch to a 'lighter' class - just a conversational Italian class. Truthfully, the Italian was supposed to be a joy .. and the first class was. This second class is with a different instructor and she just sucks all the happiness and love right out of it. I don't want to be an Italian scholar, I just want to do it for the love of it -- and while I'm sure she's a good instructor, she is far too 'scolding' for my taste.

I realize I have a hard time with this - why? It "feels" right for me. I would rather do fewer things very well, than many things and do them poorly and feel crazed. Yet, I have this 'scolding' in my head that says, "other people work many hours AND they do school full time AND they have kids and you don't, and AND AND .. what is YOUR problem?" Honestly, I run into people all the time who juggle work and kids and school and finances and family, and church and volunteering. Me .. I have school 3/4 time and I'm remodeling my house myself (with my husband) and I'm changing my eating/exercise habits and doing some emotional/therapy and I feel like that is all I can do. I feel somehow that I will be judged by all these superwomen/supermen who go without sleep and keep running. But, I've BEEN that person. It made me cranky, angry, scared, hungry, worn to a frazzle. I don't want to be that person. I don't want to drop my healthy eating, or run out of time to exercise, or stop working on myself (particularly working with Dr. Gould's book), or to do badly in class.

Why is giving myself permission the hardest part?

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us
are looking at the stars"

Oscar Wilde


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