Well, I'm lightening my load. I am going to drop one of my classes because I feel like it will take too much time, and I really MUST do well on my others. I may switch to a 'lighter' class - just a conversational Italian class. Truthfully, the Italian was supposed to be a joy .. and the first class was. This second class is with a different instructor and she just sucks all the happiness and love right out of it. I don't want to be an Italian scholar, I just want to do it for the love of it -- and while I'm sure she's a good instructor, she is far too 'scolding' for my taste.
I realize I have a hard time with this - why? It "feels" right for me. I would rather do fewer things very well, than many things and do them poorly and feel crazed. Yet, I have this 'scolding' in my head that says, "other people work many hours AND they do school full time AND they have kids and you don't, and AND AND .. what is YOUR problem?" Honestly, I run into people all the time who juggle work and kids and school and finances and family, and church and volunteering. Me .. I have school 3/4 time and I'm remodeling my house myself (with my husband) and I'm changing my eating/exercise habits and doing some emotional/therapy and I feel like that is all I can do. I feel somehow that I will be judged by all these superwomen/supermen who go without sleep and keep running. But, I've BEEN that person. It made me cranky, angry, scared, hungry, worn to a frazzle. I don't want to be that person. I don't want to drop my healthy eating, or run out of time to exercise, or stop working on myself (particularly working with Dr. Gould's book), or to do badly in class.
Why is giving myself permission the hardest part?
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us
are looking at the stars"
| Pounds lost: 8.0