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TERRYHOYE7's Photo TERRYHOYE7 SparkPoints: (8,152)
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10/10/12 1:30 P

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Sending love and prayers out to all of you.

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Here I go again....never give up!!


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COSMIC_ENERGY's Photo COSMIC_ENERGY Posts: 10,307
10/4/12 11:06 P

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Smurfette--My heart goes out to you. Sending a bucket full of comfort. emoticon emoticon

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BUDRFLY31's Photo BUDRFLY31 Posts: 2,051
10/4/12 9:53 P

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Bella, I feel your pain. I lost my mom 49 days ago and I still think about calling her several times a day before I realize she is gone. The feeling I get is like a big lump rising in my throat, and deep sadness. Almost like she just died a minute ago. It happens randomly. Yesterday I was at the grocery store barely able to get through my shopping only because I wanted to ask her how much breadcrumbs I needed to buy to make 100 meatballs. I hate not being able to control my emotions in public:(!

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SMURFETTE2423's Photo SMURFETTE2423 Posts: 3,295
10/5/10 12:31 P

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Bella, hon, I am so sorry to hear about your Mom. I'm glad that your BF is supportive, though.

A few days ago, my Dad passed away, so I'm with you on this grieving journey.

With much love and many, many hugs, Laurie
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Without a sense of humor, you may as well keel over and die, so LAUGH!


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WARMSPRINGDAY's Photo WARMSPRINGDAY SparkPoints: (55,301)
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10/3/10 11:53 A

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Bella,
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I feel your pain. My mother passed away today 8 weeks ago. Your post helps me to realize that what I experience is normal. I grieve with you in your loss.

Edited by: WARMSPRINGDAY at: 10/3/2010 (11:54)
I am a finisher!

WHATEVER IT TAKES!

I am not where I need to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be. - Joyce Myers

I have a choice!

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COSMIC_ENERGY's Photo COSMIC_ENERGY Posts: 10,307
9/30/10 11:44 P

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Continue to think of Fridays as your special day with her. She may feel just a little closer or over your shoulder. Write her a journal entry every Fri. as if you were calling her. She isn't really gone, just closer to your heart now. emoticon

Edited by: COSMIC_ENERGY at: 10/4/2012 (23:03)
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LADYRINO's Photo LADYRINO SparkPoints: (55,579)
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9/30/10 9:51 A

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hugs to you Bella.

"When I first started running, I was so embarrassed, I'd walk when cars passed me. I'd pretend I was looking at the flowers."
Joan Benoit Samuelson
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BELLADREAMS's Photo BELLADREAMS SparkPoints: (231)
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9/30/10 9:29 A

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Fridays are hard for me as well. Fridays were always the day my mom and i spent together and she passed away on a friday.

Last night i was in the store with my bf Tim and when we got to the car i had a sudden panic feeling,that i hadn't called my mom, or that she was sitting alone at home and no one had taken care of her. Then it hit me so hard that she is gone. She died June 11, 2010 and i still find myself wanting to go to the phone to tell her this or that. It just hurts so bad. I cried all the way home and when we got home, i was saying I was sorry for breaking down and he came around and helped me out the car and pulled me into his arms and just held me. this is so hard and it just really hurts

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COSMIC_ENERGY's Photo COSMIC_ENERGY Posts: 10,307
12/25/09 10:24 A

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Merry Christmas! May your holiday be filled with comfort and joy with those still around you. May you start new traditions or honor old ones in memory of someone no longer on this plane of existence. May you reach out to someone else who may be in pain in empathy. emoticon

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LADYDI2049's Photo LADYDI2049 SparkPoints: (51,563)
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12/25/09 9:28 A

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My thoughts and prayers are with each of you who are facing this Christmas Day without one of their loved ones. This is my first Christmas without my mother-in-law.


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SLAYINGDRAGONS's Photo SLAYINGDRAGONS Posts: 11,621
11/7/09 9:31 A

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I am slaying dragon after dragon!

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 
2 Timothy 1:7 KJV

And who is he who will harm you if you become followers of what is good? But even if you should suffer for righteousness sake [for what is right], you are blessed. And do not be afraid of their threats, nor be troubled. 
1 Peter 3:13-14, NKJV

Warrior, Demi Lovato www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPoG8-WJTt0


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LADYDI2049's Photo LADYDI2049 SparkPoints: (51,563)
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11/6/09 7:50 P

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Crissy, my mother-in-law also passed on Friday, 4 weeks today. I will be hating Fridays for awhile to.
Hang in there. Hugs

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LADYRINO's Photo LADYRINO SparkPoints: (55,579)
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11/6/09 9:30 A

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Ranting....I hate Fridays. Halleigh was born on a Friday and died on a Friday. It has been 11 weeks since she passed and 12 weeks since I got the call that turned my world upside down and inside out. It seems so hard to believe that it has been 11 weeks...I want you home with me like we used to be. I HATE FRIDAYS!!!

"When I first started running, I was so embarrassed, I'd walk when cars passed me. I'd pretend I was looking at the flowers."
Joan Benoit Samuelson
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LADYDI2049's Photo LADYDI2049 SparkPoints: (51,563)
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11/5/09 10:38 P

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Thank you ladies. It's just hard for me to comprehend how people, much less family, can be so cruel and cold hearted. What happens to people, I know they aren't born that way. What happens to change them? How can siblings raised by the same parents turn out so completely different? I don't get it.

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LADYRINO's Photo LADYRINO SparkPoints: (55,579)
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11/5/09 9:14 P

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My thoughts of support to you LadyDi....for some it is all about the money. They will always be like that. It amazed me that my ex husband has spent more time talking to me about money in regards to Halleigh than talking to his lone surviving daughter (my 13 year old---the baby is from my second marriage)....one would think he would have learned to quit being a crappy dad after Halleigh. But it has always been about the money. I am so sorry for you having to deal with this. Sending hugs to you and hopes that she will stop soon and let you move on.

"When I first started running, I was so embarrassed, I'd walk when cars passed me. I'd pretend I was looking at the flowers."
Joan Benoit Samuelson
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SLAYINGDRAGONS's Photo SLAYINGDRAGONS Posts: 11,621
11/5/09 11:52 A

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That´s right, Laurie! Give it to ´em!!! Smurfette knows!

I am slaying dragon after dragon!

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 
2 Timothy 1:7 KJV

And who is he who will harm you if you become followers of what is good? But even if you should suffer for righteousness sake [for what is right], you are blessed. And do not be afraid of their threats, nor be troubled. 
1 Peter 3:13-14, NKJV

Warrior, Demi Lovato www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPoG8-WJTt0


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SMURFETTE2423's Photo SMURFETTE2423 Posts: 3,295
11/5/09 10:41 A

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LADYDI- I agree with you and your husband. It seems the perfect way to resolve the whole horrible thing. What a witch! I also agree with your view- what goes around comes around. I have also noticed that people, who treat others badly, usually are living little, ugly, miserable lives. I just wish there were not any children involved...That's always the saddest thing. So, send your DH's Mom's spirit over to check on that little one and see if you can tell her something like, "Do you know what it means when the trees are dancing (wind blowing them)? It means that everybody in your family loves you very very much. Never forget that." The Mom has made her bed and must live in it, but children should never be punished for the stupidity and heartlessness of adults, if you ask me. Take care and remember- this is a tough time for you and your DH, so don't try to do too much. Much love and many hugs, Laurie
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Without a sense of humor, you may as well keel over and die, so LAUGH!


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LADYDI2049's Photo LADYDI2049 SparkPoints: (51,563)
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11/4/09 10:38 P

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Thanks for the hugs Jude, I appreciate you taking time to read my rant.

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"Stay Plant Strong"

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COSMIC_ENERGY's Photo COSMIC_ENERGY Posts: 10,307
11/4/09 10:19 P

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11/4/09 9:27 A

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Again, thank you Jude. I do know it's not about us and if my husband wasn't the executor we wouldn't have to be in the middle of it, but he is. The other sister is being very supportive of my husband by email, she lives in OR so that is some what of a comfort. I am a firm believer that what goes around comes around and I have see it happen time and time again so I know this will all come back to haunt her. I tell my husband that she is teaching her 2 daughter how to treat her when she is old and helpless. I truly appreciate your support and compassion Jude, sometimes we just need to vent to people who are not involved in the situation, they have a much clearer picture as their emotions are not invested in the situation. God Bless you.

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Edited by: LADYDI2049 at: 11/4/2009 (09:29)
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COSMIC_ENERGY's Photo COSMIC_ENERGY Posts: 10,307
11/3/09 9:07 P

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That's a good way to take care of it. Just know--it's not about you or your husband, but all about her. Is your husband the executor?

Try to ignore her drama and enjoy the wedding prep. It is about living in the moment.

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LADYDI2049's Photo LADYDI2049 SparkPoints: (51,563)
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11/3/09 8:50 P

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Thank you Jude for your input. My husband and I had to make all of Mom's burial arrangements and do all the notifying and haven't had time yet to even think about the distribution of the inheritence yet, our emotions are still so raw. The sister took $2800 so when it comes time that amount will just be deducted from her 1/3. Seems it's always the person who treated the deceased the worst that expects the most.
I am really trying to focus on my son's upcoming wedding, but it is so difficult.



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COSMIC_ENERGY's Photo COSMIC_ENERGY Posts: 10,307
11/3/09 8:24 P

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This is never a good time when there is strife within the family. It's bad enough to suffer this loss, but then to have a fight over the inheritance just kills relationships. Not knowing what she took, your husband may have to involve a lawyer to straighten it out.

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11/3/09 11:43 A

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I need to vent. My dear mother-in-law has only been in the ground a week and a half and already the vultures are circling. My one sister in law abandoned her relationship with her mother almost 3 yrs ago, refused to see her or talk to her for what ever reason. My husband and his other sister were furious when she did this and ceased contact with her. Unfortunately this sister was on all the financial accounts along with my husband. Before Mom got so sick she requested that daughter be removed from her accounts. My husband went to the bank and got all the paperwork needed, Mom signed all the papers and then they had to be sent to the sister for her to sign. My husband sent them certified/registered mail and the sister refused to sign for the mail and it came back to us. When Mom passed my husband closed out all the investment accounts and put the money in a new account but kept the checking account open to pay the remainder of Moms bills. When the sister found out Mom had passed she closed out the checking account and took all the money. Now she has contacted my husband demanding "the money she is entitled to." I had a feeling all along something like this would happen, it seems to be the way it goes in a lot of families. It just makes the pain of Mom's passing so much more intense.

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10/15/09 5:18 P

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Sometimes it is difficult to be your own best friend. I try to remember the saying that goes something like this "A best friend is someone who knows all about you and loves you anyway." I think we know ourselves so well and many times tend to focus on the negatives about ourselves instead of the positives and in turn that can cause difficulty in being your own friend.

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COSMIC_ENERGY's Photo COSMIC_ENERGY Posts: 10,307
6/15/09 7:42 A

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emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon You are such a friend to many Laurie! We always have been able to be our own friend, but life's circumstances would like to cover that up and put road blocks in place. Our job is to climb over and get out the map back to our hearts.

sorry to hear about the Poison ivy! Here comes a bucket of cooling white light from the stars to pour over your face in healing.

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SMURFETTE2423's Photo SMURFETTE2423 Posts: 3,295
6/15/09 5:09 A

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OK, everybody, so I was itching my swollen face at 4 am after tending my poison ivy garden when, on a whim, I decided to add myself as a Spark Friend. Well, did you know that we are not allowed to add ourselves as a Spark Friend? I think that we should be able to be friends with ourselves. After all, NOT being friends with oneself is what gets us into unhealthy living in the first place.So, I am ranting ! Love and hugs to all of you and give YOURSELF a hug, too! Laurie

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Without a sense of humor, you may as well keel over and die, so LAUGH!


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SMURFETTE2423's Photo SMURFETTE2423 Posts: 3,295
3/30/09 7:13 P

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Oh, Lynn, I'm so sorry that you are having this worst part of life all at once. It's like a knockout punch. Packing up our daughters' things is a nightmare and a half. It's as if we are accepting that they are gone forever, but I don't accept that fully yet and it has been three years plus. As a Mom, I can't get my heart around her death.

I don't understand the grandchildren being taken by CPS. Don't they realize that these kids need to be with family at this time? I don't blame you for being broken-hearted at your daughter's efforts to make the system see that they belong with her. It's so touching and government agencies don't always "see" the human factor- the loving, caring person right before their eyes. It's so sad.I hope that there will now be a time when things go your way.I know you're at the end of your rope and you miss your baby, Mary. It's no wonder. But it turns out that Moms have to soldier on even through the worst of times, right? It's our job.Take care, hon. You are in my thoughts and prayers each day. With much love and many, many hugs, Laurie emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Without a sense of humor, you may as well keel over and die, so LAUGH!


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LPACE1049's Photo LPACE1049 Posts: 747
3/30/09 5:52 P

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I went with my son-in-law, Matt, and my youngest daughter, Amanda, this weekend to pack up my daughter's things. I had no idea how hard it would be. The CPS had taken my grandchildren in August and my daughter was doing everything she could to get them back. She had fixed up the house so nice and the girls rooms were set up for them to walk in. The beds were even turned down. My heart just broke that she sat there night after night, waiting for her girls. I don't know how much more I can handle. I know Mary is with God but I sure miss her.

Lynn - TX
11/28/2009 300.8



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SMURFETTE2423's Photo SMURFETTE2423 Posts: 3,295
3/25/09 11:00 A

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LYNN- Do you trust the people who have your grandchildren? I wish they could be with you so you could shower them with hugs and kisses. I do not trust the people who have my daughter's little guy, so it is a terrible worry. I pray that all of our dear ones are safe and that God- the power of love- will get them through. What a tough spot we're in. I hope that you WILL dream of your daughter's joy in heaven. My daughter is up there tap dancing with Gene Kelly as we speak. What was your daughter's favorite wish? It will come true in heaven for certain. Worrying about the kids is something we share and, if I find a cure for that, I'll let you know immediately. Much love and many hugs,Laurie

Without a sense of humor, you may as well keel over and die, so LAUGH!


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KNUCKLES145's Photo KNUCKLES145 Posts: 13,227
3/24/09 10:41 A

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All the so called "secrets of success"will not work ... unless you do.




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3/24/09 4:39 A

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It is 3:40 AM and I woke up crying. I guess I was dreaming and all I could hear was my grandchildren crying for their Mom. They are not here so it was a dream. I wish I could dream of her joy in heaven and not our pain here in the world. Pray for my grandchildren Destiny, Micah and Darby, they need a touch from God.
Thank you,
Lynn

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SMURFETTE2423's Photo SMURFETTE2423 Posts: 3,295
3/23/09 10:58 A

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WHITELOTUS- Your positive comments and soothing white light have kept me going during many trials and tribulations. Who cares if we have beanstalks growing out of our livingroom carpets? LOL Anyway, keep on being your beautiful, positive self and God bless you, friend. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Without a sense of humor, you may as well keel over and die, so LAUGH!


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SMURFETTE2423's Photo SMURFETTE2423 Posts: 3,295
3/23/09 10:51 A

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LYNN- You CLEAN HOUSE when you are upset? Wow, girl, may WHITELOTUS and I borrow you for about a month because we have the OPPOSITE reaction!You are a stalwart, family-centered woman and I admire you for your purposeful life. OF COURSE the tears come. That is the human way and there are no robots on this forum (that I KNOW about anyway). We just band together in our grief and hold each other up. What else can we do? God bless and keep you, Harley-riding emoticon ! With much love and many hugs, Laurie emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Without a sense of humor, you may as well keel over and die, so LAUGH!


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SMURFETTE2423's Photo SMURFETTE2423 Posts: 3,295
3/23/09 10:30 A

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PURPLEVIOLET- It still has not been a long time since your mom passed. You are allowed to feel helpless and hopeless and heartsick. You may feel close to her in your garden, where you spent many happy hours.If you weep while you do yard work, don't be surprised and if anybody doesn't like it or doesn't understand, we'll send the orange-headed non-motor cycle gang to get 'em: emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
In the meantime, please know that we're here and we have gone through similar horrible days. There have been moments when I have set down my rake and just lost it and fell to my knees and wept loudly because the sadness overwhelmed me. I have found that I cannot always control the times and places when missing my loved one comes over me like a wave. So, I cry and if the people around me don't like it, they can go soak their heads! Life is NOT the same anymore and it is NOT fair and other people SHOULD notice and bring the whole world to a stop because she is gone. Grieving is the toughest part of life and I hope that you will take care of you and keep on swimming even when you feel like just giving up. Your Mom is your guardian angel now and probably has the best-looking yard in heaven, which you will get to see eventually, but you still have things to do down here first. She'd be mad at you if you gave up entirely and you know it. You can give up PARTIALLY because you're fed up with not having her here and you can do nothing any day you need to, but you are not allowed to give up entirely. I'm sending you love and a million hugs. I'm not your mom, but I am A mom and you will be in my thoughts whenever I garden this year.Take care, hon. Love, Laurie emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Without a sense of humor, you may as well keel over and die, so LAUGH!


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COSMIC_ENERGY's Photo COSMIC_ENERGY Posts: 10,307
3/22/09 10:12 P

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Lynn--It must be very hard to feel the loss (altho different) of both grandchildren. I'm so sorry. You are stronger than you may believe. Somehow we make it through. Reach out to friends if you can--see a counselor if you need to and can afford to. Big hugs and blessings.--Jude

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3/22/09 10:05 P

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I guess I am the opposite. I am rearranging rooms, spring cleaning, planting the garden. My father died 12/21/08 and my daughter on 2/24/09. Now my great grandaughter (Marlee 4 mths)(my oldest daughter's grand child, not my daughter who just passed away) has been taken by her father. I know everything is in God's hands but I can't stop the tears, I guess that is alright though because Jesus Wept. God bless each of you on this journey.
Love,
Lynn

Lynn - TX
11/28/2009 300.8



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3/22/09 6:52 P

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Laurie--I'm with you there! I hate to clean and your could start a farm on my carpets! emoticon

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KNUCKLES145's Photo KNUCKLES145 Posts: 13,227
3/22/09 6:22 P

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((hugs)) emoticon

All the so called "secrets of success"will not work ... unless you do.




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Spring. Started working in the yard today and almost lost it. This will be the first spring that my mom won't help with the yard work. All of her flowers are starting to come up too. I miss her so much, life is just not the same anymore and I don't see the point in doing anything any more. emoticon emoticon

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SMURFETTE2423's Photo SMURFETTE2423 Posts: 3,295
2/9/09 4:27 P

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YOU GO, GIRL! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Without a sense of humor, you may as well keel over and die, so LAUGH!


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2/9/09 3:50 P

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my motto for February is JUST DO IT. I'm so good at seeing something that needs to be done, and thinking "I need to do take care of that sometime." well "sometime" is NOW.



All the so called "secrets of success"will not work ... unless you do.




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SMURFETTE2423's Photo SMURFETTE2423 Posts: 3,295
2/9/09 3:39 P

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KNUCKLES- I, too, do not think you are a flake. You have been so helpful to me over these tough years and I'm here to say I am very thankful that you are exactly the way you are. Housework and workwork be d*****! Sometimes we need to be extra kind and loving to OURSELVES when the grief is extra strong. Don't hate yourself for being a human being with feelings. As far as I know, there are no robots on this forum and, barring that possibility, we are ALL going to break down sometimes when it comes to death and grief. It stinks; it prevents us from getting things done, but it's a necessary part of the always-annoying-part-of-life called grieving.Much love and ZILLIONS of hugs, Laurie, another human who periodically breaks down emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon See? These are houses of people who neglected the housework for so long that trees grew in the piles of dirt and grew right through their roofs. So, there are MUCH worse housekeepers than we are in this world! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Without a sense of humor, you may as well keel over and die, so LAUGH!


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12/14/08 3:18 P

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Knuckles-

PV is so right. It's been 3 since I mom & dad passed and the marriage went south that Christmas Eve. I "just" dragged out a few decorations since finishing my class this semester. I'm going away for Christmas to my brother's, the kids are coming next Sat for our holiday and I'm not putting up the tree--too much work. As it is I have to clean up the main room since they'll be over. The dust is fighting for space.

It is OK to be right where you are. emoticon

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12/14/08 3:03 P

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You are NOT a flake! You lost those that you love, it is expected that some times be harder than others. My mother passed in October and Christmas is going to be really hard. It's the everyday things that I'm doing OK with. I miss her so much. You are allowed to let things go. It is my belief that we never give enough time for ourselves or others to grieve. When you lose someone special, you lose a part of yourself. One step at a time is the only way I've made it this far. Keep looking forward and do the best that you can. Sometimes it helps just to sit down and bawl! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KNUCKLES145's Photo KNUCKLES145 Posts: 13,227
12/14/08 1:49 P

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I'm having a tough time this Christmas and its been over 4 years (almost 5) since my husband and mom died. why is it that some times it is soooo much harder than other times. I have really been letting my house go and my work is suffering also. I really hate myself when I'm such a FLAKE.

All the so called "secrets of success"will not work ... unless you do.




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COSMIC_ENERGY's Photo COSMIC_ENERGY Posts: 10,307
12/14/08 11:50 A

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Hmmm--maybe come up with a new cookie--angel cookie cutter--as a tradition.

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never thought baking Christmas Cookies would be so hard. I've always had my mom to help, this year I'm on my own. It hasn't gotten any easier, I just go through the motions to make it through the day. One of my mon's best friends called today. I couldn't even pick up the phone to talk to her, I let the machine get it. Only to find out that she lost her father the day before Thanksgiving~ Sometimes living sucks. It's still so hard for me to actually accept the fact that my mom is gone~forever. Everywhere I look in the house~There she is, her teddy bears, books, movies, candleholders etc- the list goes on. emoticon emoticon

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11/13/08 7:37 A

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emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon PrpleViolet-

I wish you a a beautiful day--Think of your mom wrapping her arms around you telling you that she is right there by your side at all time, loving you, watching you.

If you have family or friends maybe you can spend time with them--if you just want to stay home, that's ok too. Watch a sad movie if you want to let it go, or if it feels too much for you, get your favorite comedy. I send you my special healing energy of white light in a blanket to wrap yourself in. From my heart to yours.!

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11/13/08 4:07 A

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It's been slightly over 3 weeks since my mom passed away, it still feels like yesterday. It's just so empty without her to talk to and do things with. It's the hardest when I'm driving home from work and realize she won't be there when I get home. I can pretty much make it through the work day, as long as I don't think too much and don't take my breaks or lunch. It's still too hard for me to sit down with my co- workers and have a normal conversation. I'd end up in tears. I still feel as though she'll walk through the door at any minute and all will be back to normal. I know it won't be though, I'm having trouble imagining the rest of my life with out her. I guess today is going to be sort of a first test, my first birthday without my mom. We usually make a special dinner and bake the cake together. Thank you all for your support, I truly do appreciate it. Gotta go, here come the tears and it's almost 4:00, I have to get ready to leave for work. (Yes that's a.m.- I'm up at 3:30, work starts at 5:00 on the dot or I get written up if I'm 1 minute late.)

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COSMIC_ENERGY's Photo COSMIC_ENERGY Posts: 10,307
11/10/08 7:20 P

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Laurie--

You are a sun beam! And my house my rival yours for collections of dust. LOL! You are a gem!

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SMURFETTE2423's Photo SMURFETTE2423 Posts: 3,295
11/10/08 12:34 P

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PRPLEVIOLET-Oh, hon, you have been through so much in the past two weeks. You have been everything good for your mother. Of course you feel lost and miss her terribly. Don't you think that your mother can look down and see you painting now and shower love and approval for her baby girl from heaven? I, too, paint like a third grader, but it has helped me through tough times and I enjoy it. You could even write little messages to your mother on the back of each painting- things that you want her to know. You will always be her little girl/friend/confidante until the end of time and you are allowed to find a way to express your love for her and let her know the things that you want her to know. Your brother and father- well, they're GUYS. For some reason, in our culture, it is less acceptable for guys to show feelings. They're probably afraid that, if they let any feelings out and start to cry, they will be considered less "manly". They also may be in shock, where all feelings are delayed because we cannot bear them yet. I don't blame you for confusion- their behavior doesn't make a bit of sense from your perspective, but we, women, are a bit lucky because showing our feelings is allowed- even encouraged. And they?Well, they're GUYS!I'm a woman and cannot explain them. It IS confusing. Now, about not knowing what to do with yourself. Guess what? You don't have to accomplish much at ALL in the next few months. If you WANT to, you can do anything that you wish to, but you have a grace period (it used to be a full year and you wore black so everybody understood)to mourn. I'm so sorry that you are suffering. You are not alone- everybody here knows what it's like. It's horrible. Just thinking about you, sitting in tears, while your brother and father pretend nothing's wrong, will bring some of us to tears because we so feel for you. Take care and I am sending much love and as many hugs as there are sunbeams (bits of dust shining due to sun)in my house (and my house is VERY DUSTY!), Laurie emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Without a sense of humor, you may as well keel over and die, so LAUGH!


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COSMIC_ENERGY's Photo COSMIC_ENERGY Posts: 10,307
11/4/08 11:29 P

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Violet--You can still tell your mom! Write her a lovely letter about it. then burn it. Surrender your thoughts to the Universe. Start or Finish the painting and either give it to someone else (your dad perhaps), or hang it in your home to commemorate her.

Painting can be wonderful therapy and you deserve it!

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11/4/08 7:17 P

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Hi. I just need a few minutes to sort somethings out in my head. Feel free to pass on this particular posting if you desire. My mother passed away two weeks today and I miss her horribly. We were best friends. I was her chauffer, chef, best friend, confidante and I held her when her mother died several years ago. We did everything together! Now that she's gone, I'm lost. I don't know what to do with myself. I started painting about a year ago, I'm not very good (think elementary school) but I like it. I never told my mom, I wanted to surprise her next year with a painting by me, once I improved a little. Now I will never have the chance to tell her and I feel guilty about painting. I just don;t know what to do. I'm lost, confused, alone and hurting. My brother isn't doing well either but he refuses to discuss it, as does my father. I'm sitting here bawling and they pretend all is well. I guess I just needed to let out a little sadnes and cunfusion. Thank you for listening. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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COSMIC_ENERGY's Photo COSMIC_ENERGY Posts: 10,307
11/3/08 4:02 P

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Laurie-

Maybe you should create an e-book of grief poems!!!
I love your poetry!

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KKAFIELD's Photo KKAFIELD Posts: 1,242
11/3/08 3:04 P

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I love your song. I'll have to remember it. Thank you. It brought a smile to my face. emoticon

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SMURFETTE2423's Photo SMURFETTE2423 Posts: 3,295
11/3/08 2:53 P

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People, who say things like that when you are grieving, should be klonked on the head.They are so clueless about human feelings and communication- what PLANET are they from? Here's a little song to sing to this woman if she does this again (sung to the tune of "She'll Be Comin' 'Round the Mountain"):

I am grieving and that hurt me, what you said.
Stop it now or I must kick you in the head.
When you're walking in my shoes,
You can help me sing the blues,
But for now just go- say nothing now-instead.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon With lotsa love, Laurie

Without a sense of humor, you may as well keel over and die, so LAUGH!


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KNUCKLES145's Photo KNUCKLES145 Posts: 13,227
11/1/08 8:48 P

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you are right.....people mean well, but they just do NOT understand.

Its been over 4 years since my husband died and I'm quite happy being single. haven't even really dated.

on the other hand, my dad met a woman 6 weeks ago(me mom died 3 months after my husband did) and they are going strong :)


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KKAFIELD's Photo KKAFIELD Posts: 1,242
11/1/08 4:19 P

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A woman that works where I do came by my desk and asked me how I was doing since my husband died. Long story short, she said that I was still young and could easily find another husband and even have more babies if I wanted. I should get out there, get involved in things and look. My husband was killed June 19 of this year. I'm still trying to deal with his death and she's trying to tell me I can find another husband??? Like I want another husband. I want the husband I had. There is no one who could ever fill his shoes. He was the perfect man for me. I'm not saying he was perfect because he wasn't - just perfect for me. I think she had a lot of nerve saying that. She's lucky I didn't jump out of my chair and attack her, which is what I felt like doing. She probably had good intentions but she should have kept her opinion to herself.

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11/1/08 12:13 P

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A wish that everyone finds some peace in their day, today and everyday. Carol

eat to live - don't live to eat


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10/28/08 11:47 P

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emoticon emoticon emoticon to anyone who's lost a child. emoticon emoticon emoticon to mean people who run down a parent no longer with them in front of a child.

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KAROUSELL46's Photo KAROUSELL46 SparkPoints: (52,010)
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10/28/08 11:32 P

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My DD died almost 4 years ago. DD was 32. I have talked to my friends about the samething. People act like my DD didn't exist. They don't want to talk about her. I get so angry because she is a part of my life. I need to talk about her. Sure they don't know what to say but don't pass it off like it didn't happen. Sorry, like I said they make me mad.
I've had my grdaughter live with me since her mom has passed. She is now 13 and I've been very fortunate to have her here. Her bio dad lives in the same town but without going into to much detail, knows and says with me is the best place for my GRD. He signed a paper, notorized, giving me permission to sign medical forms and everything for her. He and I keep an open relationship and I keep him informed. My DD has another daughter, who is 19, started living with me too. Her bio dad is an idiot. I'm being nice calling him that. He and his wife did nothing but run my DD into the ground in front of and to my GRD. He lives in another town, thank goodness. He and my GRD don't have much of a relationship because of that. People can be so cruel and heartless. I know exactly both sides to having your grkids remembering their momma. The one thing I kept saying at my DD funeral was "HOLD THEM BABIES CLOSE" and do to this day. emoticon and COMFORT TO ALL...

Take care...Karen

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SMURFETTE2423's Photo SMURFETTE2423 Posts: 3,295
10/27/08 1:52 P

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BETSY- It's just wrong for our children to go before us and, when it's a teen who, if they could have made it through, would have been one of the "good guys" in this world, it's just too much. And yet, you have such kindness that you reach out to help Carol through- that makes you a truly valiant woman in my estimation. I know that people tend to tiptoe around, not mentioning a lost child, but it's like trying to pretend there is not an elephant in the room when there is. Personally, I believe that God gives an especially warm hug and welcome for these kids, who couldn't quite make it through the tortuous teenage years, when they arrive in Heaven.We do need to keep the memory of our children alive- they were here, we gave birth to them or adopted them, and their lives should be remembered. I think sometimes that we expect too much too soon from our grieving, human selves. You are right- grief rolls in like the tide, without warning and with tremendous, unstoppable force sometimes. It's useless to try to fight it- all we can do is keep ourselves and each other afloat. Much love and many hugs, Laurie emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Without a sense of humor, you may as well keel over and die, so LAUGH!


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10/27/08 1:29 P

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KNUCKLES- Your quilt is a lot like you- colorful, beautiful, and warm. You have been through so much, hon, that it simply boggles the mind.Your son is very lucky to have you for his Mom.I'm sorry that you are having a hard time during the weekend. You can say anything here and express any feelings. We've all been through the wringer here; we just help each other through. Much love and many hugs, Laurie emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Without a sense of humor, you may as well keel over and die, so LAUGH!


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KNUCKLES145's Photo KNUCKLES145 Posts: 13,227
10/26/08 3:40 P

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I am having a hard time this weekend. Not sure what is worse....losing my husband and mom suddenly or watching my son's muscular dystrophy progress and knowing what the future holds for him.

its so nice to be able to come here and talk opening not having to worry about what people think.

All the so called "secrets of success"will not work ... unless you do.




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10/26/08 3:32 P

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SMURFETTE - thank you so much for your kind words, encouragement, understanding and thoughtfulness. I too am very grateful for this site - and need to visit more often. I'm sending you strength to get through the legal battle. Your grandson is very lucky to have you and your husband in his life. His mother's memory needs to be kept alive. He needs to know her.

emoticon emoticon

BETSYGSUITS - I'm sorry you've had an experience like mine. No parent should have to bury their child. I sometimes think it's the way Matt died that stops people from talking about him. I'm sure a lot of people think "there but for the grace of God go I." My sister's son came close. She's the one person I can ALWAYS talk to. But I hate to dump on her every time I have a rough day. My oldest sister sent a card on his anniversary, she always does. She never had children but Matt held a special place in her heart, and her husband's. She does know my fear about him being forgotten.

Between my family and friends at SP I can and will make it - one day at a time. Thank you for reassuring me that I am normal. Now I know at least person thinks so! My thoughts are with you.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

For all of us, I wish a period of calm each day, filled with happy thoughts of the ones we've lost. Carol

Edited by: CAROLEBETH at: 10/26/2008 (15:32)
eat to live - don't live to eat


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TWEETIEBIRDIE's Photo TWEETIEBIRDIE Posts: 840
10/23/08 9:01 A

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Carolebeth,

I have the same feelings as you and think we are perfectly normal. I lost my son the same way as yours three years ago at age 16. I too want to keep his memory alive so he is not forgotten. I think people are afraid to mention his name because they think it will upset me. Grief comes in waves sometimes without warning. You are human and there are daily triggers that can remind us of our loss. You are not alone. -Betsy

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COSMIC_ENERGY's Photo COSMIC_ENERGY Posts: 10,307
10/21/08 10:09 P

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This could actually be the perfect time to bring up why their claims should not be honored (and possibly reversed). See it as the opportunity of a lifetime to work for S's highest and best.

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10/21/08 7:49 P

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Xena, Warrior Princess- This is when it pays to be a Xenette! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Yes, if the SP kickboxers don't straighten things out, we always have the wierd, pumpkinhead kid riding his bike to help us ride to glory! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Laurie

Without a sense of humor, you may as well keel over and die, so LAUGH!


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10/21/08 7:09 P

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Laurie-

Ok--Call up the lawyer--drag out all your documentation, note all the changes in S., see if the lawyer can get a statement from his teacher, I see you putting up the dukes--Zena's on the war path! emoticon emoticon emoticon
emoticon emoticon emoticon

Edited by: COSMIC_ENERGY at: 10/21/2008 (22:10)
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10/21/08 1:36 P

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Carol, honey, I know EXACTLY what you mean. Our DD died at 25 and left her son, whom the bio-Dad and mean-spirited wife took this September. They wish that our DD's half of this child's family (we cared for him until age 5 in our home) would just go away.They never speak of her except in negative terms. Fortunately, a judge saw through to their meanness and gave us visitation every other weekend and a week in the summer. Now they are dragging us back into court trying to get a few hours shaved off our visitation, while accusing US of being a flight risk (we've lived here and DH has had the same job for over 25 years- big flight risk, eh?)and saying that the child is not safe with us. (Why did the bio-Dad leave him in our care for 5 years if he did not think the child was safe?)We just got the papers today, so I'm a tad irked. Anyway, back to missing our children and not wanting them to be forgotten. If that judge had not given us visitation that child would never even know our DD existed because they have already told the psychologist that they never speak of her. During one of our DD's final days, she made my sister promise that their sons- same age- would grow up together. It has been over three years since our DD died and one of my greatest fears is that she may be forgotten. I think that's why we still mourn- so that we wind up talking to people about these young people, who left us 'way too soon. Our children are so precious to us and they had so many good qualities that we wish to have remembered. We almost don't care if WE end up as a footnote on the family tree, but we cannot bear the thought of our dear children not being known to the future world. They were HERE- GDit- and we are here and will not ALLOW them to be forgotten. You don't have to be further along in your grief- you are a Mommy grieving for her child and you are allowed to bring Matt up in conversations, talk about him, and shed tears. We do have heavy crosses to bear and I, for one, am not certain I would have made it through if it had not been for the kindness and caring of the women on this forum. They have saved me from despair countless times and seeing your post is another reminder that I am not alone in my feelings- that there are other people in this world facing the same challenges and in the "same boat". I'm not certain why your post helped me so much, but it did and I thank you, friend. With much love and many hugs, Laurie emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Without a sense of humor, you may as well keel over and die, so LAUGH!


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SMURFETTE2423's Photo SMURFETTE2423 Posts: 3,295
10/21/08 12:58 P

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JUDE- I made it up. Sometimes it's really tricky, this dealing with loss, and painting and writing sometimes help.Love and hugs, Laurie

Without a sense of humor, you may as well keel over and die, so LAUGH!


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10/20/08 7:32 P

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Carol

Since I haven't lived through the tragedy you have, I am not qualified to answer that. What I would say is if YOU think you're not far enough along, and are too sensitive (were you like that before this happened?) then there in lie the problem. From your perspective it is a very real problem and that's all that really counts.

Have you thought about counseling? Anything else? How do you deal with the rest of life? Are you living it fully? Engaged with your family/work/friends?

Spark mail anytime and rant here. However you are feeling--it is OK (my perspective). Where you go from there is up to you.


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CAROLEBETH SparkPoints: (1,750)
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10/20/08 6:16 P

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Tomorrow will be the sixth anniversary of my son's death. He was 15 when he committed suicide in our home. I know all the right stuff to think, "grieve at your own pace," "you'll never 'get over it,'" etc. but I still sometimes think I should be further along in my grief. I tear up/cry at the slightest thing.

One thing I experience is the fear that others will forget Matt. It hurts so much to think that might happen. Does anyone else have these feelings?

emoticon to everyone. We all have such heavy crosses to bear. At least we have each other to lean on. Carol

eat to live - don't live to eat


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10/19/08 9:59 P

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Laurie--I love that! Did you make it up - adapt a song-or ? Love it!

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10/19/08 9:46 P

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WHITE-LOTUS- That imagery is beautiful. Your mother must have been a calming, reassuring soul and it's wonderful that she still is. I know about events in the present (caring for your friends facing loss from cancer) bringing back feelings from our own similar situations in the past. Sometimes I think that just realizing that that's what's going on makes it a tiny bit easier to bear. You say, "Oh, I'm feeling this way because this reminds me of that" instead of thinking, "Why the heck am I feeling this way?" and blindly stumbling through life. Anniversaries of death are always hard for me, but there are other times when it's not so clear why I'm suddenly so sad. Then, I have to put on my Sherlock Holmes hat and look at the situation to find out why. Moving forward through grief and loss can be mentally and physically EXHAUSTING! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Laurie

Without a sense of humor, you may as well keel over and die, so LAUGH!


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10/19/08 9:32 P

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BLUSHINGBRIDE- Anniversaries are tricky. All you can do is feel what you really feel. A year after my DD died, the blessed fogginess that comes right after the death of a loved one lifted and there it was- sharp, jagged-edged pain. Once you come OUT of that fog- usually when the inner you decides you're ready-most people can't get that back and just have to face up to enormous sadness. It's the stinkiest part of life if you ask me. You know that song, "Love Stinks"? Well, I suppose that can be true, but for me, "Dealing-With-Death Stinks the Most".

Dealing-with-Death stinks the most.
Who needs the salt of tears on their morning toast?
Who needs that burden- sorrow -that you must carry around?
Who looks to share with loved ones who can no longer be found?
Who wishes on a star that it's all just a bad dream?
Who quietly does laundry when she really wants to scream?
Who's tired of others living as if nothing has changed-
As if the world has not been poorly, strangely rearranged?
Who goes into the closet and finds one little box
with one familiar coat with scent that memory unlocks?
Who hugs that coat and sniffs it and pretends that person's there?
Who's on the floor and wailing; weeping; begging God in prayer
For just a bit more time; one more loving New Year's toast.
Dealing-with-death most definitely, always stinks the most.

Love and hugs, Laurie


Without a sense of humor, you may as well keel over and die, so LAUGH!


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10/19/08 8:37 P

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Deva-This is a good lesson to learn. It is OK to be sad about the loss of your mother. I have plenty of Pros on the side of mine having passed, but even at 55 I often feel like a little girl lost with out Mom's reassurance that it'll all turn out. I know it will and if I sit still and visualize her physical presence with me I can breathe in her calm strength.

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10/19/08 8:36 P

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DEVA- I have been so impressed by your ability to see things in a positive way. You are extraordinary at doing that. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon However, I have wondered how you deal with anniversaries and other days that remind you of your Mom, especially since the rest of your family seem to be completely blind to your emotional needs. Anniversaries are really tricky but, once again, you surprised me. You took the day off and really sat with your feelings and experienced your sorrow and cried. You are light years ahead of the rest of your family in emotional intelligence. You have really good instincts. Your mom is surely smiling down on her baby girl from her special place in heaven and feeling proud of the way you are handling your life. Take care, hon. I appreciate your posts- both the upbeat and the sad- because they come from the heart.Hugs, Laurie emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Without a sense of humor, you may as well keel over and die, so LAUGH!


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10/19/08 8:33 P

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KK--This will be a new phase of the journey. I wish you strength to shore you up throughout the trial.

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10/19/08 8:31 P

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Blushing Bride--I know how anniversaries can be. There is no should. You can be sad if that is how you feel. Sometimes I am reflective, sometimes it's just another day, and others I am sad. this is my third year.

Whatever it turns out to be--it will be what you need this year.

My Plant Strong Adventures @ veggieteach.wordpress.com






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10/19/08 8:01 P

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KIM- I'm so sorry that you'll have to go through this trial, but I am glad that the driver will have to see all the people who have been devastated by his hitting your husband and to be judged for his bad driving. This is such a rough path for you to have to travel, so the support from your family and his will be really important. I wish I could take all these burdens and sorrows away, hon. All I can do is send you a million hugs and lots of love and many prayers. Laurie emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Without a sense of humor, you may as well keel over and die, so LAUGH!


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10/19/08 1:40 P

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Hi All-The good part of the weekly digest is I found out I wasn't getting notices to the ranting room!

I've had a few down days here and there while supporting a friend who has 2 family members (1 JUST passed) ill due to cancer. Brings back old stuff.

Going to lunch with friends. Back later--Blessings to all.



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ROSE_312 Posts: 907
10/16/08 11:21 A

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Morning family...I was up to the homestead last week..massive amount of yard work. Was to head up there on Weds..I was just too damn tired to do a 3 hr drive..stay for 2 days..drive back and think about 2nd shift on saturday. My thots were FIA!!

Tomorrow is be the 1 yr anniv of my son's death. Am not sure how I am supposed to feel..besides sad.

All I know is..not pick up a drink..call my sponsor..don't shovel chocolate in my mouth..post here...hug hubby often.

3rd edition..page 312
Sober today only by the grace of God....3/26/89.


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10/16/08 9:32 A

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yesterday was the anniversary of the day my mom died. i decided to take the day off and do whatever. i felt sad for a minute and realized that i was trying to do the 'pros and cons' of her being dead and i realized that it didn't matter. me growing up and maturing and being who i am would never replace the fact that she is no longer living and here with me. and i finally cried and felt okay with everything. everything doesn't need to have a 'bright' side.

DeVa

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10/15/08 12:23 P

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I don't really have a rant today. I found out late yesterday afternoon that the state of oklahoma is pressing charges against the man who hit my husband. My husband was killed instantly and they have charged the other man with negligent homicide. His preliminary hearing is Nov 25 and they will set a trial date then. The jury could return with a verdict of manslaughter, which is what I am hoping for but for now he is charged with the lesser offense. I know the trial will be hard but I have support in my family and his.

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10/14/08 11:13 A

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KATY- Thanks for your post to BLUSHING BRIDE. I think that, sometimes, when we're grieving, taking any kind of action is difficult, but you were right- she should go for it! You are one of the "wise women" of this tribe.Love and hugs, Laurie emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Without a sense of humor, you may as well keel over and die, so LAUGH!


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10/14/08 11:08 A

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BLUSHINGBRIDE2- Go for it, kid! It will be like "sweeping your floor clean" of her. I think it will be a good thing for your space- your living space and your emotional space-don't you? I predict that it will feel REALLY GOOD to take action and not keep holding on to that furniture and reining in your emotions about it. You have had enough around that issue, so YOU GO, GIRL! Kick that stuff right out the door! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Laurie

Without a sense of humor, you may as well keel over and die, so LAUGH!


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10/12/08 12:05 P

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Quick & easy, certainly sounds like you deserve to do just that.

Failure is only postponed success as long as courage "coaches"
ambition. The habit of persistence is the habit of victory.

-- Herbert Kaufman

The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it.

Chinese proverb.

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