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FINFIN2's Photo FINFIN2 Posts: 7,301
3/27/14 7:55 P

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Hello again! Alway nice to see a familiar face!

“Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else” ~ Alison Boulter

www.flickr.com/photos/36569004@N06/

ktalley.blogspot.com/


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DMORELLI1031's Photo DMORELLI1031 Posts: 4,285
3/25/14 3:51 P

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finfin I went to your page and looked at your teams, I was in 50+ members with 50-99lbs to lose. hello old friend

Darlene


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DMORELLI1031's Photo DMORELLI1031 Posts: 4,285
3/25/14 12:25 A

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yes I know you, from one of the old groups, nice to talk to you about I am sorry for both of your losses, Sal was a wonderful guy, always thinking of others

Darlene


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FINFIN2's Photo FINFIN2 Posts: 7,301
3/24/14 9:56 A

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Hello Darlene. I am one of your Sparkfriends. I remember reading your page but I don't remember when or where we met. I remember reading about your son. My wife died on August the 30th of 2012. I wish there were some way to find out when we made friends on here because I loose track.

I know he has been on your mind, and it hurts. I still cry for my wife, but mostly in my dreams now. But my loss, is her gain. I am here, but she is in heaven!

Edited by: FINFIN2 at: 3/24/2014 (09:56)
“Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else” ~ Alison Boulter

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ktalley.blogspot.com/


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3/24/14 7:05 A

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Darlene....I am sorry for your loss. We are all here to support each other so feel free to let it out here.

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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DMORELLI1031's Photo DMORELLI1031 Posts: 4,285
3/23/14 9:42 P

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hi I hope this page is active, my name is Darlene, I lost my Son. Salvatore was the light in my life. I lost him march 1 2012, he was 26, his friend was speeding a 100 mph, he was the only one to die

Darlene


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2/27/14 7:28 P

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The last time my brother called and started yelling at me for nonsense after our brother, Jan, passed, I informed Peter that I could no longer take his bullying. Then I handed my husband the phone and walked away. That was the last conversation I had with Peter for several years. I allowed my husband to do all the communicating because I had just had enough. That was really hard for me given that it severed ties with all of his kids, which were a major part of my life. However, I had to do what was best for me. It took over 5 years for us to be able to be a room together and actually acknowledge each other. That was almost 2 years ago and I am happy to say he and I are now back in each others lives. I think it helped the day he came to my house for a party. Having him make that move into my space was very therapeutic for me. It made me feel like I didn't have to compromise myself. While I know I won't easily forget what happened, I was able to move forward and heal which was so important for my health.

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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2/27/14 9:35 A

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I know you support me on the decision, and it might take a bit to stop feeling bad about taking control of my own life for a change. Shortly after the message went out, the email flood started. I'm happy that My Gal had fun tormenting the ex and the stepdaughter, it made her feel good and that she was helping me by handling it yesterday. At one point, the stepdaughter emailed me at work, and I know it was an attempt at starting a communication. But what she wrote didn't encourage me to reply -- all she talked about is the trouble she's been in since her father died. She hasn't done any grief work, and from everything I know about her, she never will. And his ex is delusional, according to My Gal. So, I'm still waiting for the rest of the fallout to happen, but at least I know for sure that I'm not alone in dealing with this family.

Jo

Friends are like bras -- close to the heart and there for support.


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2/26/14 5:31 P

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It is never easy to stay up to our bullies when it is not something you would normally do. It needs to be done sometimes though so that you can heal and move forward.

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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2/26/14 10:53 A

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I decided to wait until today to post the message on Facebook, since today is Anti-Bullying Day. Already his ex has bashed me in her response, the message isn't 10 minutes old. I've also blocked the kids, their friends & lovers. Now to wait for the rest of the emotional storm that is brewing.

I hate this.

Friends are like bras -- close to the heart and there for support.


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2/24/14 9:29 P

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Good luck with it all Jo. I hope the step kids can come around and see if from your point of view.

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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2/24/14 3:03 P

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I think I'll be posting these messages tonight. As I contemplated that earlier today, I found myself reading up on forgiveness. I am positively not ready to forgive the stepkids, but I'm apparently not ready to forgive myself for letting it get this bad.

Jo

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2/17/14 7:49 P

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Glad you got that information! Hopefully you will take comfort in it and be able to move forward away from this nonsense.

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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2/17/14 3:21 P

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I called the Courthouse, and there is no time limit on probate court. The one thing I have to remember is that there is nothing left for his estate that hasn't already been handled. If I could remember that, and be secure in that knowledge, I could deal with the stepkids and his ex a lot better.

I wrote the FB note but haven't posted it yet. Actually, there's a second note I will be emailing to my friends still on that list as well, but I have to compose that one.

Jo

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2/13/14 12:50 P

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I am not sure of the limitations on probate. Can you call the probate office and ask?

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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2/13/14 10:55 A

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I haven't written the FB message yet, I'm still sorting out what I will say versus what I really want to say. There's so much anger and bitterness between us after My Guy's passing that I can't even fathom ever talking to any of them again.

On a side note, does anyone know if there's a statute of limitations to requesting probate letters? His children & ex are still threatening me with it, and I'm curious if anyone has encountered this already.

Jo

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2/10/14 8:36 P

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Forgiveness is a hard path to take. It took me a long time to forgive my brother for the way he treated me after our youngest brother died. Only recently (6 years later) was I able to accept that forgiving doesn't have to mean forgetting. I know I will always have a bit of a guard up with him, but I am glad we were able to move forward and be in each other's lives again. I missed too much time with his kids and grandkids.

I think it would be fitting for your gal to post that message on FB, but I can understand your reservation. Good that you can apologize, because it shows you taking the higher road. However, you are night not to allow him to bullying you into financially helping him. He is an adult and should act accordingly.

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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2/10/14 10:19 A

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After I looked at the email messages step-son & I had last week, I owe him an apology. I don't quite know why, but I was obviously on my high horse and started the argument. Mind you, the words he spit at me in the following messages were nasty, and I'm still angry that he expects me to support him financially. I haven't decided if I will apologize publicly on Facebook or privately through email, but I will apologize for starting the argument. My Gal offered to post a message on the memorial group on FB for me, knowing that she will most likely be banned from the group right after it's posted, something to the effect of "pretty bad when the kids won't let the widow be a part of this group anymore". I've decided that my note wouldn't be vindictive, and that I'm not asking to be re-added to that group. I can't handle his ex and the 2 kids anymore, and I'm tired of feeling bullied to give them memorial items when I'm not ready to give them up.

This morning in my inbox was an email from Griefshare.org, and it talked about forgiveness. I need to chew on that email for a bit.

Jo

Friends are like bras -- close to the heart and there for support.


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2/7/14 4:42 P

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Jo....those rings will turn up eventually. Have faith.

The Christmas before my brother passed he wrote me a letter as my "gift". At the time it annoyed me because it wasn't a "real" present. I put it somewhere and have forgotten where. I am determined to find that letter! It is the greatest present he ever gave me and I will uncover it someday.

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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2/7/14 2:53 P

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Janine, I agree, they don't want to make any attempts to be at least on speaking terms again, and I'm tired of trying. I know they want some of their father's memorabilia, but I'm not ready to give it up just yet, and that's creating a lot of tension. And the fact that when I hid his and my wedding rings, I can't remember where I put them. It also means I won't see my new step-grandson, most likely ever. It's hard to forgive them right now -- hell, I haven't forgiven their mother for making My Guy's life so miserable in the last 10 years of their relationship!

Later tonight, a rep from the funeral home is coming over to discuss pre-arrangements. At least I'll be busy for a couple hours this evening.

Jo

Friends are like bras -- close to the heart and there for support.


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2/6/14 7:27 P

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Jo.....I certainly can sympathize and relate to your situation. I am sorry to hear you continue to struggle with the kids, but am glad you are finally able to put yourself first over their selfishness. Please don't for one minute think you are not fulfilling your guy's wishes! His children are the ones choosing this avenue. You have made many attempts, but they do not wish to do the same. Hopefully one day they will come around. Good for you taking steps to protect your future. Keep your head up!

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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2/6/14 9:51 A

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Apparently I finally get one of my wishes as of today. Yesterday, step-daughter banned me from the FB group that commemorates My Guy. To make matters worse, step-son & I really got into it yesterday over chattle that I legally own that he wants to give to someone else. I think it's sorted out, but he has said some very hurtful things, and if I didn't trust him before, I trust him not at all today. I have decided to stop trying to fix this relationship, at least for now. It's not worth the crying and the frustration and the memories it stirs up.

It makes me sad that I can't do one of My Guy's last wishes - to stay in touch with the children. They still think I shouldn't live at my house, the house that he & I bought together, the house that they wanted nothing to do with, the house where we put them both up to help them out. (Not like it helped, because they're still in as bad financial shape as they were before we had helped them.)

Tomorrow, I'm meeting with a sales rep from one of the funeral homes to pre-arrange and start pre-paying my funeral. I haven't decided what I want yet, including burial vs cremation. Once that's sorted out, I have to call the lawyer to get my will done. It will be straight-forward, and by doing this, I will be protecting My Gal from those kids after I pass on. No one should have to go through the BS I've been through since he passed away.

Last night bothered me so much that I had to take meds to calm down enough to think about sleep. That family is very good at making me feel paranoid.

Jo

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2/4/14 7:31 P

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Glad that Elvis has left the building!

Your comment about the black smoke reminds me of a stupid move I did last summer. We were cleaning the basement and I came across this stuffed animal my former sister-in-law had given us. I knew it had to go, but decided to burn it ceremoniously. Well that thing lit up fast, black smoke spewing from it, and the stench. It was horrible and I remember coughing like crazy from it. Next time I will take an axe to something like that and whack away my thoughts of someone like her.

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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2/4/14 12:27 P

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Yes, my house guest is finally gone! WOO-HOO!! Friday night after work, he & I transported nearly all his things from the storage locker, leaving a bed, a coffee table and a very heavy TV console for the next day. Saturday morning, he packed up the last of his things except the dog and we made that drop-off and the final pickup from the storage locker. After all that, it was nearly suppertime, and since My Gal had to work that evening, I drove Toddy and Chippy to their new place. It's been a quiet 2 days since they left.

Yesterday, My Gal & I took the day off, and we started to clean up. The bed Toddy used (and that Chippy chewed up) and Toddy's old bed (he has another one) were brought back to the house and we burned them up yesterday. Two things I learned about that:

Beds go up in flames WAY faster than I thought possible! Be sure to check your smoke detectors in the house!

Black smoke. And I mean a LOT of black smoke comes out of burning mattresses & boxsprings. I'm glad the neighbours didn't think my house was on fire. :-P

It was good to help him out, and it's better now that he's on his own once again.

Jo

Friends are like bras -- close to the heart and there for support.


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2/3/14 8:31 P

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Jo....your house guest gone?

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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2/3/14 8:31 P

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Kevin...I am still coughing and cannot smell or taste anything, but not feeling run down so that is good.

How you doing?

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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FINFIN2's Photo FINFIN2 Posts: 7,301
2/3/14 11:07 A

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I hope your feeling better, JIACOLO!

“Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else” ~ Alison Boulter

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1/29/14 5:19 P

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Jo.....good thing you are working out as you might need those extra muscles to work crowd control.

I am trying to keep a head cold at bay so it doesn't get worse. I haven't been able to do much more than walk because I start coughing when I exercise. I did swim on Saturday, but had to stop every now and then to cough. I hope I can keep myself from getting more sick.

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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1/29/14 7:51 A

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Tonight, Toddy is hoping to get his keys, but he won't be officially moved in until the weekend. There's still that paying job thing he has to do till the end of the week. But I will be glad to see him leave my home.

Yesterday, I finally made the call to EAP about the 2nd psych. She was referred to me by my psych before Christmas, to give me workable options for dealing with binges and other self-destructive actions. I should have a call back by Friday to set up an appointment.

On a good note, the fitness rooms at work are just about ready to go to a paid model membership. I have been running this committee for 2 years now, and we finally got a lot of our equipment fixed, after fighting with senior management to fork over some money to make it work. Monday we lock the gym doors down to paid members only. The ruffled feathers are starting to come out already. :-D

Jo

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1/27/14 7:24 P

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Jo....isn't it interesting how we can reflect on things when we have a different perspective? I have had some interesting revelations these last few years myself. Hopefully Wednesday will come quickly and bring some quiet to your home.

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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1/27/14 10:44 A

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Thanks. He signed the lease yesterday, and he is trying to be on his best behaviour, but when he's drinking, he now just annoys me. He is hoping to get the keys on Wednesday, since the landlord is changing the locks, and the landlord was good enough to let us move his things in before the weekend.

Sometimes I wonder if my love for My Guy was blind, and how much he did things that irritated me that I swept under the rug. Having Toddy living with us for half a year has brought that tidbit to my attention.

Jo

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1/24/14 5:09 P

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Jo....I am glad to hear you only have one more week of watching someone go through so much that they must drink themselves away. You don't need that stress in your life. Good luck!

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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1/24/14 12:58 P

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The storm didn't start until late afternoon, and even then, it wasn't much of one for us. Halifax & Charlottetown & Moncton got hammered, but there wasn't even enough here to sweep off the steps.

Next weekend, My Gal & I are moving Toddylicious to his new home. And although some would say "I told you so," I'm glad he's heading out the door. All my stress from home seems to be centered around him and his dog these days, for a variety of reasons. The biggest reason is that he is an alcoholic and doesn't think it's a problem. Once he moves out, I will tell him that booze has once again come between us, and if he doesn't sober up, I can't be friends with him anymore. Ever since he started his new job, he has purchased no less than 3 quarts of rum per week, and there is never any left. He spends over $400/mo on liquor, and he only makes $1300/mo. I can't help him anymore if he won't acknowledge that he's an alcoholic and that it's coming between us. What's worse is that I have my own addictions, and I feel two-faced by talking to him about his drinking.

But there's only one week left....

Jo

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1/22/14 5:20 P

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The presentation ran a bit over the time, but it was a full house and I hope people heard my message. The room was full of city employees who were upset about the collective bargaining that was going to be voted on. I did my 5 minutes and then slipped out. Tomorrow night we will kickoff our Relay season and hopefully the presentation tomorrow will go equally as well.

We had a heck of a snow storm expected overnight, but it missed us. Now we just have the bitterly cold temperatures. I was greatly disappointed because I would have liked the snow day. I am tired today and the extra sleep would have felt nice. I hear Cape Cod and Rhode Island were hit very hard, but us in Western Massachusetts were surprised by nothing.

Jo...I hope you all fared well with the storm.

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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1/22/14 2:52 P

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Janine, how did your presentation before city council go?

Kevin, thank you for asking about me. It's nice to be missed. :-D

We're still waiting for today's snow storm. In Fredericton, where I live, we're only expecting 2-3" of snow, while Moncton, about 120 miles east, Charlottetown on PEI and Halifax are all expecting more than a foot of snow, high winds and low visibility. That's called a blizzard in our neck of the woods. I'm ok with only a couple inches of snow, it makes it easier to clean up afterwards.

Jo

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1/20/14 6:48 P

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Jo....so glad things are going well with you! All that wood splitting will be great exercise for you as well as the snow blower.

I had the day off today and went shopping and just about finished my presentations for this week. I am speaking before the city council tomorrow night and then our Relay For Life kickoff is Thursday. It is going to be a busy week for me.

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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1/20/14 4:20 P

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Hi everyone,

I'm still here, and still getting by. Work has been crazy as of the first of the year -- I'm involved in testing and documenting new software that our provincial government will be deploying in February, and it's taking a lot of my free time.

I finally bought a wood splitter on the weekend. It's a 2-ton press, so it should easily do the softwood that's piled in front of the garage now. Yesterday, a co-worker came over with his Husky chainsaw and cut up about a third of the softwood slabs I got in the fall. My Gal & I will be splitting most of it tonight and tomorrow.

The only other thing I haven't done yet is call the psych back for another appointment. It's been so hectic these last few weeks that by the time I get home, I just want to shut the outside world out and relax. But I need to do that, for my own sake.

We're expecting another storm on Wednesday - at least 10", according to one source. Lovely. Well, at least I'll get a little more cardio while I push the snow blower. :-P

Jo

Friends are like bras -- close to the heart and there for support.


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1/19/14 7:29 P

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Maybe that is why I went back to dark hair....I have always enjoyed Janine Turner's work.

We haven't heard from Jo for a while. Jo? What's going on with you?

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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1/19/14 4:07 P

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Thanks for caring Janine! I was going to copy and paste you name in here but I was sidetracked (Looking up someone from an old "House MD" episode in IMDB. I accidently searched for you and (of course) got Janine Turner. LOL

How are you doing, Jo?

“Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else” ~ Alison Boulter

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1/19/14 3:33 P

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Not giving up... just not pressing it. You don't find love... it finds you. Just watch for it.


“Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else” ~ Alison Boulter

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1/19/14 12:20 A

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Oh Kevin.....do not give up! You will find someone else to enjoy time with.

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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1/19/14 12:18 A

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Well, asking her out didn't go so well, but perhaps it is all for the better. She had started dating someone a few months before. I'm glad she found someone that she likes, and maybe I will too. And perhaps I won't; you never know.

I was a mess getting around to asking her. So much thought and consideration, until I was convinced that she was the right one. I guess it was not the right time, or, if God doesn't want me to find someone then that's what I want also.

Who can say what tomorrow brings.

“Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else” ~ Alison Boulter

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1/6/14 7:52 P

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Oh Kevin...my heart is breaking for you having to make that sacrifice. Losing a furry loved one is sometimes just as hard. I hope you have many wonderful memories of Maggie to go back to during difficult times.

Good luck with the decision to ask out the one you spoke of. I hope it goes well for you.

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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1/5/14 9:38 P

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I was just thinking about asking one out and I got this on Facebook: "Kevin, don't know if it was wrong or Right of me, I asked Xxxxxx to get in touch with u. She has always Loved u Bunnchis"

I replaced the name with X's. Now I'm confused, but I don't have to do anything.

I had one of my dogs put to sleep yesterday. It was sad. Hard to do. But it was a perfect event.

We went to the vet about 12:40. Maggie was very good. She mostly sat on my lap and watched the other animals. Dogs, cats, and puppies. We sat there around an hour, There were four ahead of us. She didn’t have any seizures or even get upset.

She got a little fussy when the doctor put the elastic band on her leg. But I held her and talked to her and she was okay, even though she was tense and standing on her back legs while I held her. The doctor took the band off and she relaxed and I laid her down. In a minute the doctor listened to her heart for a while.

A hundred thoughts all at once, driving home. Hard to swallow. Hard to swallow now.

“Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else” ~ Alison Boulter

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ktalley.blogspot.com/


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1/2/14 7:18 P

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Kevin......good for you! I hope it goes well for you.


Edited by: JIACOLO at: 1/2/2014 (19:18)
If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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1/2/14 6:53 P

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His ex sounds a little weird, Jo! I think most people will see through that story.

I'm thinking about asking someone out. I think that will cause April to freak out. I don't think I want to live the rest of my life alone.

“Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else” ~ Alison Boulter

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ktalley.blogspot.com/


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1/2/14 4:29 P

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Jo...glad you made it through the holidays. I think this was the first year Christmas and my brother's birthday didn't cause me to be an emotional wreck. I'm glad for that!

As for the ex's nonsense, just remember that your guy was with you and NOT her. She can say what she wants, but he didn't stay with her for a reason.

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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1/2/14 3:20 P

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So the holidays were ok, overall. And I haven't heard a word from the stepdaughter since the FB blocking. I snail-mailed her brother and half brother their gifts, so when she finds out they got something and she didn't, the poo should be well spread around from the fan.

Have any of you ever experienced it when an ex decides to tell the world that they relationship they had with the deceased was the best they both had? His ex is now doing that, and has now blocked out the entire relationship My Guy & I had. She forgets that he kicked her out.

Jo

Friends are like bras -- close to the heart and there for support.


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12/16/13 9:15 P

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Jo....good for you for sticking your ground and refusing to be bullied by the stepkids! When my brother died, our oldest brother (who had always been a bit of a bully) really started demeaning me. He made accusations that I was able to prove to him were false and would call and yell at me whenever he felt it. I, being the youngest, took it far too long. One day I just had enough and I refused to take his calls anymore. My husband stood up for me and informed him that I was done taking his crap. While that was incredibly important for me, it cost me 5 years with his kids. I missed birthdays, holidays, graduations, a wedding, and the birth of all 4 of his grandkids. That was VERY hard, but I just could not compromise myself anymore based on his nonsense. Now we have been able to put things behind of and move forward. I am grateful for this because his kids practically lived at my house growing up. Now I get to know the grandkids and that is helpful as well. I missed too much, but his treatment was so harmful to me. Stay strong friend!

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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12/16/13 2:14 P

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The relationship was ok, at best. They never accepted me as a step-mom, even if they say otherwise. Actions speak a lot louder than words, and they never acted like I was a parental figure. They often took advantage of their father's good nature and begged for money every time he spoke to them. And I mean every time. For the last 3 years of his life, we bought the stepdaughter & her BF $300-500 worth of groceries every month. Not that we could afford it, but he didn't want to see them starve. So now that I'm refusing to give them money because they won't get a job themselves, apparently I'm the bad person in all this. I had even planned to give SD one of the statues that her grandmother (that she never met) made for My Guy back in the 70's, but after this, I see no reason to go through with it. I really hope she finally makes peace with her decisions and can support herself, without using others to make that happen.

Jo

Friends are like bras -- close to the heart and there for support.


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12/13/13 10:38 P

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Jo...how was your relationship with the stepkids before he passed? It is sad that they only have their hand out to you.

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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12/13/13 9:11 A

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So I don't know if I should be happy or sad over this bit that happened yesterday. Maybe relieved is what I should and will feel soon enough.

Yesterday, I noticed my step-daughter blocked me on Facebook. I'm not surprised, but I am disappointed. Step-son hasn't removed me yet, but I suspect he's still hoping I will send him his father's wedding band. My Gal said that SD can no longer suck the life out of me, and no longer take advantage of my good nature, since she cut me out of FB, and in my shoes, she would feel relieved. I'm sad that the kids won't reach out to me without wanting something, and that's been ongoing since My Guy passed. All this mess, because his ex-wife threatened me with probate court to take all my possessions from me after he died. I still haven't forgiven her, and I don't know if I ever can.

Jo

Friends are like bras -- close to the heart and there for support.


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12/12/13 9:47 P

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What a nice memory to relive. While I am sure it was hard, it hopefully brought a little smile to your face as well.

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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12/12/13 3:00 P

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I'm doing ok... Yesterday I was working on some old videos at church and I saw the two of us sitting where we always sat. I thought I could just reach out and touch her. You just don't know what's going to happen. It seems so unreal. Never forget to enjoy those you love.

“Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else” ~ Alison Boulter

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ktalley.blogspot.com/


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12/6/13 8:12 P

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With Christmas, my brother's birthday (1/1), and mom's anniversary (2/18), this becomes a sad time for me. I react and my mood swings. I feel bad for people, but it is often my body's response to being sad, not me just being a witch.

Kevin....how's the last few days been?

Jo....I am so happy you have someone in your life to help you with the healing.

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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12/6/13 3:34 P

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So I've been receiving daily emails from GriefShare.org, and what Kevin describes is exactly what the messages have been about all week. The newsletter says that men often have a harder time expressing grief than women, because often, men were raised as little boys to not cry or show vulnerable emotions. I've also thought about it, and I'm almost sure My Guy would have had as difficult of a time grieving as was written in the newsletter. In a twisted way, I'm happier knowing I walked through this because of him rather than the other way around. I know I will heal. I know one day I will experience true joy again, even though it's pretty close now with My Gal. I know this because I want it, and I'm taking real steps to make it happen.

Support groups are a big part of that, as is a therapist who specializes in grief and personal losses. My psych has helped me a lot in the last 8 months, and we have made enough progress for now that she is willing to change topics -- and help me work through the emotional and psychological reasons why I overeat. Kevin, if you can afford it, either through a health plan or another organization, a therapist might help you too. If that's not an option right now, like Janine suggested, a support group might be helpful.

I'm not saying I won't regress, but at least I am making some progress.

Jo

Friends are like bras -- close to the heart and there for support.


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12/2/13 7:23 P

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Kevin....do you have a support group available? That might help.

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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12/2/13 11:15 A

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Yes... in some ways it is. It seems my depression is deeper, not waiting on the surface but more constant and brooding. I think I have some survivour guilt. I can't seem to move on. I haven't been away for 3 years and sometimes I just want to go somewhere and live under a bridge.

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11/28/13 5:22 P

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This year was the first year (year 6) that I didn't find it hard, but mostly because I had distractions with my family and especially the little ones.

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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11/28/13 12:41 P

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General question:

Did you find it harder the second year after the passing around holidays? "Harder" might not be the right word, but I think you know what I mean.

Jo

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