Well it's been a long time since I've been around and maybe it's because I've lost faith that anyone can help at this point; however maybe it's a final outcry to see if there is a solution out there other than the only obvious one left.
Despite the medications I've been put on and the psychologist I've been seeing for the past 2 months things are out of control to the point there seems to be no way to fix it. I'm currently on Lamictyl, Klonopin, (was on Seroquil, and Zoloft). As for the pschologist she is officially at a loss as all typical coping techniques have failed with me no matter how I've tried to make them work. I have been extremely unstable as if you remember from before I have Rapid Cycling Bi-Polar to the point I can stay irritable most of the day but become suicidally depressed in a flash. I stay on the depressed side most of the time, and irritable at the same time. I also have severe OCD, Anxiety, and Panic Disorder.
Recently more of my world has fallen apart as my fiance of over a year, (gf of over 2 and a half) and I had to go our separate ways. Despite how we wanted to make it work there were red flags from the beginning I tried to ignore and work on but came back multiple times and no matter who I got help from all pointed to the same solution that it had to be done and the wedding called off. Deep down inside I know the right decision was made but dealing with it is another thing.
I've tried staying away from home as much as possible doing things I like to do staying out in the night life, karaoke, friends houses. All under the idea it'll stop me from sitting and festering on this but nothing helps I can't move on I can't wear a mask that nothing is wrong. My biggest fear has become a reality I truly am alone and despite what I do nothing will change that.
I'm not in a position to meet new people and despite trying everything (every main dating website [eharmony, chemistry, match, and christiansingles], and reconnecting with singles I went to high school with) nothing has happened. I don't see any way to get this under control or fix this and fear there is no solution there's nothing to look forward to anymore there is no longer any quality to my life. I am an analytical person because of my profession and I realize at this point everything has been tried maybe there truly are people out there who can't be helped.
~~"The Night is an Eternal Playground, Meant for those with Strong Minds"~~
| current weight: 186.0