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MOMMA48's Photo MOMMA48 Posts: 570,608
7/13/11 7:10 P

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emoticon on giving her a call and explaining the situation -- sounds like a super understanding friend! Sometimes facing our fears and going for it is soooo worth it! I think the idea of going to the ceremony is a great one -- it's her special day and it sounds like it would mean the world to her if you went -- and, if you decided not to at some point, knowing that she understood, is so reassuring and can even give you an extra feeling of control that alot of us need at times in anxious situations--it's like an open door that we know is okay if we go through or it's okay if we don't!

I'm probably more of a go for it sort of person -- I know it's difficult, but if we can prove to ourselves we can do it, the next time around is going to be easier as well and you're going to feel so glad that you did! I used to get attacks at church if I sat toward the front. So, I just made sure I sat more in the back, at the end of the pew and got that feeling of security that if I needed to leave, I could and without alot of commotion. Plus, your boyfriend will be with you -- so, you got it covered, my friend. Understanding, supporting and great friends! I hope you have a lovely time and enjoy!

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STEFFYBABYSTAR's Photo STEFFYBABYSTAR Posts: 66
7/13/11 12:11 P

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Thanks for all you support. It's good to know that there are people who i can relate to.

After I posted here, i realized that I should just call her. So I did, and she made me feel much better. She understands my situation (she's a med student and she learnt about anxiety disorders in school) and she said she wouldn't be offended if i skipped the wedding. She did ask me if I would consider going just for the ceremony and then skip the reception, which I think is a fair compromise. It is really the thought of going to the reception and seeing people from high-school who I never liked or got along with (we were in different social groups). I wont know anyone else (not even her fiance since they were living abroad). i think that's what i might do.

As for the question of medication, I had some really rough episodes on anti anxiety and anti-dependants in the past, so I haven't been taking anything for awhile. I've really been able to control my anxiety, especially with the help of my great new therapist from the beginning of the year. its only on rare occasions that it starts to flare up. Although its not out of the question when I start at school full time in the fall, as school is the main trigger of my anxiet. and i havent been a full time student in quite some time.

Thanks to everyone who took the time to offer support. It means alot to me. I hope i can return the help one day!

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BUSRIDER1's Photo BUSRIDER1 SparkPoints: (0)
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7/13/11 11:24 A

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Hello again. Just checking back to see how the discussion is going. BrendaJoyce64 made the perfect point, "just remember you have to do what is best for you."


Sometimes even to live is an act of courage Lucius Annaeus Seneca

The biggest gift of being unambiguously mentally ill is the time Ive saved myself trying to be normal.


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MOMMYRUNMOMMY's Photo MOMMYRUNMOMMY SparkPoints: (7,954)
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7/13/11 11:21 A

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I could've written your post a couple months ago. I had an almost identical situation. The only difference is that I never got around to sending the RSVP. I called her several days after the RSVP by date and apologized that I couldn't make it. I was able to blame it on not having a babysitter (not sure if you could use similiar reason). I don't like lying, but I also feel more strongly that I don't have to share my health issues with people that I'm not close to if I don't choose to. My family definately couldn't take the financial hit of buying a gift and clothes for us to go. You DEFINATELY should not feel obligated to go. Your family and your health are number one. I would call and let her know sooner than later that you're not going. This way you will feel a weight lifted, but also she will have more time to rearrange seating if needed.

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7/13/11 11:10 A

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I also suffer from anxiety, and back out of things at the last minute like you are talking about doing. If you have already bought her a gift, you might want to consider going. I find that just getting there is half the battle. I'm sure once you are there you will find several people to visit with, and you may be able to reignite your relationship with your friend.

I do, however, know exactly how you feel. What medicine to you take for your anxiety? I take xanax and klonopin.

I hope this helps; just remember you have to do what is best for you.



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7/13/11 11:04 A

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Good morning, SteffyBabyStar. I'm so sorry that you are struggling with anxiety. In my opinion, it's not too late to back out of the wedding. It's not as if you just "don't feel like going." It's actually making you sick to think about. You don't need to dread going for the next week. I would cancel as soon as possible to take some of that weight off of your shoulders. Take care of yourself and drop me a line if you need to "talk." I'm online alot, so you won't have to wait long for a response. (I have no life. Haha.)


Sometimes even to live is an act of courage Lucius Annaeus Seneca

The biggest gift of being unambiguously mentally ill is the time Ive saved myself trying to be normal.


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STEFFYBABYSTAR's Photo STEFFYBABYSTAR Posts: 66
7/13/11 10:50 A

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Hi all,
I'm writing here because I could really use some support today. I am feeling really anxious lately, more than I have in a while, and it is due mostly to my friends upcoming wedding. besides the fact that I'm broke financially ( we need to give a gift and my boyfriend needs a suit), being in a situation where I won't know anyone is making feel nauseated just thinking about it. to compound the problem, I've really grown apart from the girl who is getting married, but i couldn't admit it to myself when i RSVP'd; i only really realized it when she came back from studying abroad and we saw each other last month.
Would it be really bad if I backed out of attending? its next week, by the way. I would still give her a gift, but I envision going and having a panic attack or Freakin out. I should add that my therapist had to leave the country for a family emergency a little while ago, so I really feeling extra crappy. it might seem not so bad, but i feel like I am going insane trying to figure out what to do.
thanks in advance to anyone who has actually read this whole thing, and any responses are greatly appreciated!

Edited by: STEFFYBABYSTAR at: 7/13/2011 (10:51)
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