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Thanks. I honestly don't care if we ever got another penny from her as long as my daughter will be with me if something ever happens to my husband. She would have paid it though and she'll still have to pay the over $3000 that she's behind even when I adopt. She's paid for the last 6 years with it being just between them. I have to go through the state to enforce my case with my ex and it's a PITA so I'd hoped it wouldn't come to hubby having to turn her in. Her problems paying the CS started when she moved back to our area in Oct 09. She paid a lil bit and got caught up with her taxes then paid May 10. Not a penny since then. Right before the wedding to hubby #3 he lost his job and she asked if she could be late till he found another job. He found one a month later. Well during that time they went to Disney World on their honeymoon. After he got back to work she never tried to pay anything at all. Hubby brought it up to her two or three times and she made a bunch of excuses. Hubby finally HAD to turn her in.
My main issue isn't the deadbeat with the money though, it's the deadbeat attitude towards the relationship with my daughter. She left when she was 16 months old and considered seeing her once a year tops for an overnight visit as being a good Mom :( She made a point to reinvolve herself when she moved back. She said she wanted a real relationship with my daughter and that she wanted "her girls" to be raised as sisters. She even asked at one point if she could get every other weekend and hubby said yes and let her know which weekend to start on. It was like 2 months later before she got her again. She's called her twice since she moved back a year and a half ago and both times was within an hour of the two times that BioMom's mother called so I think her Mom told her to call. She got her for an overnight visit about once every 3 months. Problems started though when my 7 year old started calling her monthly after last Christmas wanting to visit. I think she realized she'd have to actually be a Mom to her once a month and that was just too much.... I keep telling myself that I can't protect my daughter from this person who is SUPPOSED to love and cherish and protect her, not harm her. It's not like she's a drug addict, alcoholic, or even has a mental problem. She just doesn't give a rip about her. I could see if she had those problems and have some compassion. She's not a bad person and is, for the most part, stable. I just can't understand it and having to sit back quietly while all this goes on around me is buging the crap out of me. Plus we are very vigilant not to say anything bad about her and only discuss her when we are SURE that the kids won't hear us. I'm trying to figure out how to handle this because my daughter is already asking questions and talking about her Mom not seeing her and how much she misses biomom and BioMom's mother.
I've also got to go through my house and clean & organize everything top to bottom because Department of Family and Children's Services will have to come inspect our home to make sure I'm suitable. LOL. It doesn't matter that she lives with me now. Hubby's father works for DFACS and that used to be his job so I know what to expect pretty much. The house is a mess right now though. I've got a dog that's having potty training issues and am keeping my SIL's two dogs right now too so I'm finding pee and poo everywhere even though I'm taking them out a bunch. I can't catch them in the act to reprimand or even know which dog it is on the peeing.
I know once I feel better that the weight thing will work itself out. I've had a really hard time losing the 25 lbs I've lost so I don't think the meds was all of the problem.
I can't do anything other than pray about my Dad and spend a few days with him when I go pick up my son. When I get a little extra I can send it to them for gas but that's about all I can do. I cooked some meals and took some groceries I carefully shopped for with coupons and sales when I took my son down to visit.
I also can't do anything about our renter situation. We can't in good conscious evict them. This isn't their fault and they'd be homeless with kids. The house sat mostly empty for 2 or 3 years with hubby paying the mortgage. It worries us a lot that we'd get people who don't pay AND trash the house too. We budgeted to be able to pay both house payments when we moved into our house. Hubby had done it including his child support b/c he'd always gotten it pretty regularly. We also have another bill that we didn't have when the budget was originally done. We'll do what we can but the mortgage on that house will have to come in last place by importance.
I just want to feel normal again. The anxiety has been creeping up for two months now and it's gotten to the point where it's constant and my normal ways of relaxing aren't working. I think about this junk all the time when I don't want to and I can't sleep. The doctor's office called just now and I've got an appointment tomorrow to see them so that makes me feel a lot better.
"Either get busy living, or get busy dying." Shawshank
"Do or do not. There is no try" Yoda ~ Star Wars
You are winning the battle of being one of the most seriously worthwhile human beings I've ever read a post of in these web pages.
OK. The worry about weight gain sounds like you've really discovered that even without the meds you are eating more than you think you should. Meds might actually help with the emotional eating at this point, yes? And you've proven to yourself that you don't have to stay on them forever to benefit, I think. If you make a firm decision on them, will that help eliminate the anxiety of still weighing the decision?
That deadbeat of a bio mom wasn't going to come up with the 30,000 in the future, either, was she? Bet she wasn't, so maybe scratch that from the things-about-the-universe-that-churn-one's
-guts. What. a. monster. I'm glad your daughter is going to be with you. What a lovely role model you are.
You could post the individual worries, present them, and let us help you knock them down or play out worst-case-scenario about them?
You are not losing, if the battle is for your honor and dignity, which you have in spades.
The battle against being anxious... I think that's a long-term worldwide conflict and you pick the theatres and battlefields you can win now, yes?
Sub 8:30/mile for a Springtime Race!
Volunteer at a race before June 2012!
Goal Winter & Spring 2012:
Develop an interesting cross-training routine that will be fun for my daughter to join in on.
10,000 steps/day whether running or walking.
Launch my SLEEP project!
I've had issues with anxiety for my whole life. I've only had to get on meds once and that was from April '10 to Jan 11'. I've been okay for the last few months but I got hit with several things in May that are just mounting up and mounting up and it's getting unbearable again. I'm so frustrated. I was taking 10 mg of Lexapro and had 2 refills left when I stopped taking it. I went a few days ago and tried to get my refill and they said they'd have to fax a re-consent form over to the doctor again. I called and left a message this morning for the doctors office to call me back. I hope they'll let me get the refill before I go in for an appointment :( I stopped taking it because I was gaining and having a really hard time losing weight while on it but heck I have only lost 5 lbs total since then.
We found out my Dad's cancer is back and it's spread to his spine and lower back. He's in intense pain. They live on SSI and are having to drive an hour one way every single day for him to have radiation to try to ease the pain. I want to help them with gas money but I have no money :( We still have the house from Hubby's first marriage and the renters have had financial problems since March. It's not their fault. They both work for Honda and the plant hasn't been working to capacity since the Tsunami a few months ago. They've got kids and would be homeless if we evicted them. They keep the place spotless, the yard is kept up, and who knows how long it'd be empty or what kind of people would move in. This means we're pretty much paying two house payments right now. They're paying but it's not much over what their utilities are each month. We're in the red right now on that house every month and it's thanks to God coming through that we've been making the payments. On paper it's not there. My ex just moved to Panama City Beach, FL and my son is down there visiting him right now. This isn't as bad as it normally would be because he's making a huge effort to do well with him right now.
THEN we're having issues with my step-daughter's Mom. She hasn't paid child support in a year and hubby turned her in. She'd paid it fine for the 6 years till now even when she was the only one working while she was with 2nd husband. She's now on hubby #3 and moved back to our area from across the country. She reinvolved herself in my daughter's life and has now apparently decided to not only terminate her rights to avoid paying child support but to abandon her again as well. She's paying to terminate her rights as well as for me to adopt my daughter. It's required that I adopt for her to get out of the child support. I'm having the HARDEST time with this. It's not the child support. It's worth losing the $30,000 she'll owe over the next 10 years to be assured that my daughter will stay with me if hubby died. It's the fact that she'll making it clear she doesn't want anything to do with my daughter anymore. Not only that, I think her parents are doing the same thing. BioMom lived across country from daugthers age 1 till she was 6. BioMom's mother was active in her life that whole time. She even had a room for my daughter at her house. They've taken the furniture out and given it to BioMom's other daughter though. All of this especially is getting to me so BAD! I want to protect her from being hurt and I can't. It's also a LONG process. This will take months and just thinking about that increases my freakout factor. I can't imagine behaving the way she is and not giving a dang. Who knows what kind of lies she'll tell the extended family considering the things she's said about why she divorced hubby. I have tried so hard for the last 2 years to be friendly and make things comfortable for everyone. If hubby had waited much longer to turn her in, it would have been automatic jail time pretty much. I can't blog about this. I can't talk about it on Facebook or anything till it's all over with. I'm not really supposed to talk about it on here but I've got to get it out. If I knew they would stay in my daughter's life it would take all of this stress off but I don't believe they will. Not knowing is driving me nuts.
I didn't want to go on the meds. I want to be able to handle this on my own but it's just one thing on top of the other and I don't think I can. I hate this. I'm so sick of feeling this way. I can't sleep, I'm eating too much, I'm exercising more than I ever have but it's halfazzed and I'm looking for excuses not to. I feel totally helpless in every single one of the situations above.
"Either get busy living, or get busy dying." Shawshank
"Do or do not. There is no try" Yoda ~ Star Wars