This past month has been pretty high on anxiety for me! I began the month unemployed and $500 short of what I needed to pay all my bills through to the end of the month. The most frightening was rent. If couldn't pay my rent before the 1st of July, I wasn't sure exactly what would happen but it couldn't be good! I have a roommate, but had no idea if she would be able to financially cover my portion of the rent or not (and even asking her to do this seemed like it would be totally unreasonable!). My own lack of income could have resulted in both of us becoming homeless, which I would have felt just terrible about! I was afraid to even tell my roommate about the situation, so I didn't.
I asked around and got friends to let me do various odd jobs for them, like mowing one person's lawn, stripping and sanding a staircase for another friend, babysitting, and selling coupon booklets for a friend's auto repair shop door-to-door (probably one of the most stressful things I've attempted in a long time!). And in time I was able to earn enough money to make ends meet (at least for this month, anyway). And very recently, I finally managed to land a job as a tutor.
The trouble is that the first paycheck for this job won't come until possibly 4 weeks from the day we start working (2 week pay periods with 2 weeks processing time afterward). I'm still in the training period for the job, which we will be reimbursed for but only after working with the company for a minimum of 3 months. Only when I pass the test at the end of this training period will I be allowed to begin tutoring, and the 4 week figure starts from then. To add to the dilemma, my roommate has other plans starting in August, and so I will need to find another place to move to by then (which means I may have to come up with all the money for moving expenses and the first month's rent before I ever see my first paycheck!) Then there are my student loans, which I was going to put on an unemployment deferment, but on one of them the website to get to the forms wasn't working, and the other one I couldn't find the form and wasn't able to get through their automated phone system to speak to an actual human being. And now that I'm employed, I suppose I will no longer be able to apply for an unemployment deferment, but not knowing how many hours I will work, I can't apply for a plan that depends on income either, since I would need proof of what my income is (and I don't yet know that number even myself!).
The month of July may be even more difficult than the previous one, since now I will have to find odd jobs that I can schedule around my tutoring hours so I can make immediate cash to pay for the expenses I will have before my first tutoring paycheck arrives, while also searching for a new place to rent.
If anyone has any suggestions as to how I can avoid becoming paralyzed with anxiety from all this, I would love to hear them! This month is probably the most important time that I will need to stay focused on the objective and not lose sight of it or let my anxiety get the best of me.
"For me, it is far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring." --Carl Sagan
| current weight: 217.8